Poor Patient 6/Steve Burton/NuOldJason! He's trapped in a time warp from all the equine Xanax that's been running through his veins for quite possibly the last 5 years. He realizes this when Random British Dude from Last Year's Cassadine Island Storyline lets him rummage through his bag and he pulls out a newspaper dated October 1, 2017. How about if this Huxley character fills him in a little on what he's been missing in this crazy world of ours:
PATIENT 6/JASON: It's 2017?!? What in the name of Noodle Buddha is going on here? Why is it not 2012? Why are we still here? Were the Mayans wrong about the world ending?
HUXLEY: My my, what rock have you been sleeping under for the past five years? Are you lost, young lad?
PATIENT 6/JASON: Lost in a time warp, I guess. My hometown of Port Chuckles, New York is full of wormholes. I must have crawled into one...no, maybe I swam. I remember water. Lots of water. It was cold water. Are you sure it's 2017?
HUXLEY: As sure as my name is Huxley Lynch and as sure as I am to pop up in random storylines involving overseas travel.
PATIENT 6/JASON: What's next? Are you going to tell me Donald Trump is President or something completely absurd like that?
HUXLEY: Well... He's not MY president. I'm from the land of Brexit.
PATIENT 6/JASON: What's a Brexit?
HUXLEY: Buckle up, Hair Boy, and get ready for a bumpy ride!
PATIENT 6/JASON: You know what would be really hilarious? If you told me the Cubs won the World Series.
HUXLEY: As little as I care for the bollocks American version of cricket, prepare to laugh your arse off because they did, last year.
PATIENT 6/JASON: Now you're just messing with me, Huckleberry! If I had one of those fancy newfangled iPhones like that American priest guy I met in the Russian monastery, I could just Google what happened the past five years.
HUXLEY: It's HUXLEY! I don't believe you've ever told me your name.
PATIENT 6/JASON: Hell if I know! I think I left it back in 2012. The people in that freaky Russian clinic kept calling me Patient 6. When I get home to Port Chuckles, maybe people I know will remind me.
HUXLEY: Can I call you Hair Boy?
PATIENT 6/JASON: Whatever floats your boat, Humphrey.
HUXLEY: HUXLEY!!! H-U-X-L-E-Y!! Do you happen to know a blonde bombshell by the name of Ava Jerome?
PATIENT 6/JASON: Ava who? I don't know anyone named Ava. There was this blonde lady with a giant bandage covering half her face at the Russian nuthouse. She picked up my paperclip and let me get outta that house of horrors. They kept saying I was dangerous and psychotic and made me wear this face mask and sunglasses so I'd look all mysterious and crap. It got the blonde's attention and she talked non-stop, but she did me a solid by helping me get the hell outta there, so there's that.
HUXLEY: Would you like to hear a joke?
PATIENT 6/JASON: Do I have a choice?
HUXLEY: I don't suppose you do. Here goes: What does the fox say?
PATIENT 6/JASON: Is that the joke? I don't get it. What does the fox say to who? The bear, the dog, the squirrel, what?
HUXLEY: No, you silly chap. He says "Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!
Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding! Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!"
PATIENT 6/JASON: Are you sure you didn't escape from the same Russian looney bin I did?
HUXLEY: You'd better be nice to me or I'll Uptown Funk you up!
PATIENT 6/JASON: I'll keep that it mind, Hutch.
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