So there are two Jason Morgans in Port Chuckles. One more and you'd have an episode of To Tell The Truth. When a flummoxed Monica talks to the cops about the guy who crashed through the MetroCourt skylight, she hints that the guy looks like Jason with his Old Face. Franco's all in a tizzy because there are two Jasons and one of them might be his not-so-imaginary, not-so-dead friend Drew. Dr. Maddox is antsy because he's in danger of having his "family jewels" handed to him by Dr. Evil from the Russian clinic. Liz is hopped up on the joy juice after being grazed by one of Dr. Evil's goons' bullets. Sam's somehow entangled in seaweed after being in the Port Chuckles harbor for 30 seconds. Patient 6/Jason #1 is swimming around trying to rescue her. Jake Doe/Jason #2/Possibly Drew is freaking out about his missing wife. In unrelated news, Joss and Oscar are dressed as Game of Thrones characters and totally NOT having sex in Oscar's mom's swanky-looking apartment. Ava and Griffin decide it's not so bad to be seen together in public.
PORT CHUCKLES HARBOR
PATIENT 6/JASON#1: Glug Glug Sam? Glug glug where are you? Glug glug, this water's NASTY! Glug glug, I'm having some seriously traumatic deja vu right now. It's 2012 again and Faison has just shot me. Glug Glug Glug
SAM: Glug glug glug Why glug glug glug am I glug glug glug so sleepy glug glug glug? What glug glug glug is that glug glug glug around my feet?
HOSPITAL
MONICA: It all happened so fast. The men with the guns. Liz being shot. Sam. My son's old face falling through the skylight. Just what did they put in that champagne?
JASON #2: What? Some dude fell through the ceiling? Why do I miss all the good stuff???
JORDAN: Dr. Q, did you see the man who fell through the skylight?
MONICA: He looked like...no, it can't be. I must have been dropping acid. He looked like... Never mind.
FRANCO: Aw, come on Monica! Don't keep me in suspense. Spill it, Dr. Q! Who did skylight guy look like?
DR. MADDOX: (to himself) Shut up, Franco. Shut up Dr. Q. Everybody just SHUT THE HELL UP!
LIZ'S HOSPITAL ROOM
LIZ: So, what did I miss?
MONICA: It was unbelievable! A man who looks like...OMG, he looks like...oh, just somebody I used to know.
FRANCO: Aw you can do better than that! That song is SO 2012.
MONICA: Speaking of 2012...
HOSPITAL
AVA: Is there any way any of this could possibly be my fault?
GRIFFIN: Um...NO! Let's hit the Rib. I'm hangry!
SONNY'S HOUSE
SONNY: I'm telling ya, Carly! The guy who jumped through the skylight is Jason. The OG Jason. The real thing.
CARLY: Bullshit, Sonny! You totally hallucinated him as Original Recipe Jason. Your mind is playing tricks on you, dear hubby.
SONNY: This wasn't no stinkin' hallucination, Carly! I saw OG Jason with my own two eyes and heard his voice with my own two ears. So, he held a gun on me for three seconds, but then he was totally cool and told me this story about being captured by the Russians.
CARLY: Sonny, you silly goose! Jason was captured by HELENA and turned into her Goon Du Jour, but not before he was defrosted by Robin. Spinelli even reverse-engineered his face!
SONNY: I don't know who that dude is, but he ain't Jason!
OSCAR'S MOM'S APARTMENT
OSCAR: Yeah, probably not a good idea to meet my mom.
JOSS: Why not? Is she like Medusa or something?
OSCAR: Let's just go to Trina's party.
JOSS: Trina Schmina! I have a better idea.
PORT CHUCKLES HARBOR
PATIENT 6/JASON #1: Glug glug Sam? Glug glug What the...glug glug? Glug glug, I guess I need to glug glug use my special water-vision goggles glug glug...to get this crap offa Sam's feet.
SAM: Glug glug Who dat? Glug glug Strong arms glug glug Save me!
METROCOURT LOBBY:
JASON #2: Where's my wife?
DANTE: Goon #3 took her hostage. Dr. Munro seems to think the goons are from some Russian clinic.
JASON #2: Who's that dude who fell through the skylight? He sure knows how to make an entrance, but did he have to steal my thunder like that, man?
DANTE: That's what we're trying to figure out from this crappy footage. Do you recognize that blob there?
JASON #2: Could be anybody. Why was he with Sonny? Is Sonny cheating on me?
LIZ'S HOSPITAL ROOM
LIZ: Franco, you should really try some of this joy juice. It's like I'm floating on a cloud of Jason-love.
FRANCO: This night just keeps getting weirder and weirder.
OSCAR'S MOM'S APARTMENT
OSCAR: You just want to snoop around? Phew! I thought you wanted to...never mind. Let's try and figure out who my dad is.
JOSS: Does anything in this house remind you of San Diego?
OSCAR: Not really. It's a lot colder here.
JOSS: OMG, your mom reads MAN LANDERS??? That's like my stepbrother's cop partner. Small world isn't it? What's this? A letter? From 2003???? We HAVE to read this.
OSCAR: Isn't it kinda illegal to read someone else's mail?
JOSS: I won't tell Man Landers if you won't. Open. The. Damn. Letter.
FLOATING RIB
GRIFFIN: Wanna play darts?
AVA: But people will talk. You know, the neighbors will gossip all day behind closed doors.
GRIFFIN: So? Let them! It's just a game where we throw sharp objects at a board while pretending that board is the face of someone we despise. I'm seeing the board as Valentin. How about you? Sonny, maybe?
AVA: But...but...People will say we're in love!
PIER
PATIENT 6/JASON #1: Wake up, Sam! It's me! Original Recipe Jason. I got my old face back. Not that I ever lost it.
SAM: Glug glug cough cough WHAT THE???????? Glug cough pass out.
SONNY'S HOUSE
JASON #2: What in blue blazes is going on here, Sonny? Who was your buddy that you came to my party with? Have you found another bestie behind my back, man?
SONNY: Well...
PATIENT 6/JASON #1 (holding an unconscious Sam): Honey, I'm home! I brought some company.
JASON #2 & CARLY: Say WHAAAAAAAAAAAT??????
Monday, October 30, 2017
Friday, October 6, 2017
What do you mean it's not 2012???
Poor Patient 6/Steve Burton/NuOldJason! He's trapped in a time warp from all the equine Xanax that's been running through his veins for quite possibly the last 5 years. He realizes this when Random British Dude from Last Year's Cassadine Island Storyline lets him rummage through his bag and he pulls out a newspaper dated October 1, 2017. How about if this Huxley character fills him in a little on what he's been missing in this crazy world of ours:
PATIENT 6/JASON: It's 2017?!? What in the name of Noodle Buddha is going on here? Why is it not 2012? Why are we still here? Were the Mayans wrong about the world ending?
HUXLEY: My my, what rock have you been sleeping under for the past five years? Are you lost, young lad?
PATIENT 6/JASON: Lost in a time warp, I guess. My hometown of Port Chuckles, New York is full of wormholes. I must have crawled into one...no, maybe I swam. I remember water. Lots of water. It was cold water. Are you sure it's 2017?
HUXLEY: As sure as my name is Huxley Lynch and as sure as I am to pop up in random storylines involving overseas travel.
PATIENT 6/JASON: What's next? Are you going to tell me Donald Trump is President or something completely absurd like that?
HUXLEY: Well... He's not MY president. I'm from the land of Brexit.
PATIENT 6/JASON: What's a Brexit?
HUXLEY: Buckle up, Hair Boy, and get ready for a bumpy ride!
PATIENT 6/JASON: You know what would be really hilarious? If you told me the Cubs won the World Series.
HUXLEY: As little as I care for the bollocks American version of cricket, prepare to laugh your arse off because they did, last year.
PATIENT 6/JASON: Now you're just messing with me, Huckleberry! If I had one of those fancy newfangled iPhones like that American priest guy I met in the Russian monastery, I could just Google what happened the past five years.
HUXLEY: It's HUXLEY! I don't believe you've ever told me your name.
PATIENT 6/JASON: Hell if I know! I think I left it back in 2012. The people in that freaky Russian clinic kept calling me Patient 6. When I get home to Port Chuckles, maybe people I know will remind me.
HUXLEY: Can I call you Hair Boy?
PATIENT 6/JASON: Whatever floats your boat, Humphrey.
HUXLEY: HUXLEY!!! H-U-X-L-E-Y!! Do you happen to know a blonde bombshell by the name of Ava Jerome?
PATIENT 6/JASON: Ava who? I don't know anyone named Ava. There was this blonde lady with a giant bandage covering half her face at the Russian nuthouse. She picked up my paperclip and let me get outta that house of horrors. They kept saying I was dangerous and psychotic and made me wear this face mask and sunglasses so I'd look all mysterious and crap. It got the blonde's attention and she talked non-stop, but she did me a solid by helping me get the hell outta there, so there's that.
HUXLEY: Would you like to hear a joke?
PATIENT 6/JASON: Do I have a choice?
HUXLEY: I don't suppose you do. Here goes: What does the fox say?
PATIENT 6/JASON: Is that the joke? I don't get it. What does the fox say to who? The bear, the dog, the squirrel, what?
HUXLEY: No, you silly chap. He says "Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!
Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding! Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!"
PATIENT 6/JASON: Are you sure you didn't escape from the same Russian looney bin I did?
HUXLEY: You'd better be nice to me or I'll Uptown Funk you up!
PATIENT 6/JASON: I'll keep that it mind, Hutch.
PATIENT 6/JASON: It's 2017?!? What in the name of Noodle Buddha is going on here? Why is it not 2012? Why are we still here? Were the Mayans wrong about the world ending?
HUXLEY: My my, what rock have you been sleeping under for the past five years? Are you lost, young lad?
PATIENT 6/JASON: Lost in a time warp, I guess. My hometown of Port Chuckles, New York is full of wormholes. I must have crawled into one...no, maybe I swam. I remember water. Lots of water. It was cold water. Are you sure it's 2017?
HUXLEY: As sure as my name is Huxley Lynch and as sure as I am to pop up in random storylines involving overseas travel.
PATIENT 6/JASON: What's next? Are you going to tell me Donald Trump is President or something completely absurd like that?
HUXLEY: Well... He's not MY president. I'm from the land of Brexit.
PATIENT 6/JASON: What's a Brexit?
HUXLEY: Buckle up, Hair Boy, and get ready for a bumpy ride!
PATIENT 6/JASON: You know what would be really hilarious? If you told me the Cubs won the World Series.
HUXLEY: As little as I care for the bollocks American version of cricket, prepare to laugh your arse off because they did, last year.
PATIENT 6/JASON: Now you're just messing with me, Huckleberry! If I had one of those fancy newfangled iPhones like that American priest guy I met in the Russian monastery, I could just Google what happened the past five years.
HUXLEY: It's HUXLEY! I don't believe you've ever told me your name.
PATIENT 6/JASON: Hell if I know! I think I left it back in 2012. The people in that freaky Russian clinic kept calling me Patient 6. When I get home to Port Chuckles, maybe people I know will remind me.
HUXLEY: Can I call you Hair Boy?
PATIENT 6/JASON: Whatever floats your boat, Humphrey.
HUXLEY: HUXLEY!!! H-U-X-L-E-Y!! Do you happen to know a blonde bombshell by the name of Ava Jerome?
PATIENT 6/JASON: Ava who? I don't know anyone named Ava. There was this blonde lady with a giant bandage covering half her face at the Russian nuthouse. She picked up my paperclip and let me get outta that house of horrors. They kept saying I was dangerous and psychotic and made me wear this face mask and sunglasses so I'd look all mysterious and crap. It got the blonde's attention and she talked non-stop, but she did me a solid by helping me get the hell outta there, so there's that.
HUXLEY: Would you like to hear a joke?
PATIENT 6/JASON: Do I have a choice?
HUXLEY: I don't suppose you do. Here goes: What does the fox say?
PATIENT 6/JASON: Is that the joke? I don't get it. What does the fox say to who? The bear, the dog, the squirrel, what?
HUXLEY: No, you silly chap. He says "Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!
Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding! Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!"
PATIENT 6/JASON: Are you sure you didn't escape from the same Russian looney bin I did?
HUXLEY: You'd better be nice to me or I'll Uptown Funk you up!
PATIENT 6/JASON: I'll keep that it mind, Hutch.
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