One more Halloween Treat: The Nina Rhapsody

Is this the real life?

Or just a soap opera?

For twenty years, Nina Clay in a coma

She opened her eyes.  For Silas she cried.  Let’s see…

My name is Nina.  I want your sympathy. 

Because I fell asleep, twenty years.  Lost my baby, shed some tears

Then I found out Silas was cheating on me with Sam. 

Mama, you killed my kid.  Stuck a needle in my arm. 

And you caused me so much harm. 

Mama, you destroyed my life. 

Now you’ve gotta bow down and REPENT!

Mama (ooh, ooh ooh ooh!)

Now you’re gonna die!  

But wait I have a much better idea

You can steal Ava’s kid, and we’ll be even Steven. 

Silas, your time has come.

Never needed the wheelchair

You’re a loser, so who cares?

You shacked up with Ava, now you must pay

Your names, along with Kiki on my LIST! 

 Mama, (ooh ooh ooh ooh)

 I am so pissed off

Now bring me Ava’s baby or you die! 

I want to make Kiki pay for her existence

Rosalie! Rosalie!  Will you please sleep with Michael!

Do what I say our you’ll be sorry when I tell your

Dirty secret, dirty secret, dirty secret yes I will

Tell everyone! 

I’m just a poor girl who was stuck in a coma. 

Franco’s my only friend, he’s nuts just like me. 

We’re gonna make all of Port Charles REPENT!

Silas you silly fool, I will not see a shrink!

You will pay and your daughter will pay too (Yes she will!)

You will pay and your daughter will pay too (Yes she will!)

You will pay and your daughter will pay too (Yes she will!)

Yes she will pay too (God damn it!)

You all had better fear me now!

Better fear me now! 

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! 

Rosalie, Silas, Mother, Kiki, Ava you are scum!

Beelzebub has the devil set aside for you!

For you!

For you! 

So you think you can wrong me and expect to live? 

So you think you can kill my kid and it’s okay?

Jay, brother, don’t listen to them brother

Big sis ain’t crazy, she just wants a baby now. 

(Oh yeah!  Oh yeah!)

Why did this all happen

To someone like me? 

Why did this all happen

To me? 

I will get that baby! 

Franco, do you take Carly to be your lawfully-wedded wife?

Short for Needle of Badness #2, of course...

Heather's hungry...and armed!

Revenge Wedding Part II: Happy Hell-No-Ween!

The Port Chuck universe and the real universe have finally come into alignment and it's the same day in both.   And what a day it has been...

 Nina:  Ava, Ava, Ava, it's time for a little chat.   You can run, but you can't hide from NINA!!!    You know what, BITCH?  Nina's got a little Halloween treat for you.  (Sticks Needle of Badness #1 into Ava's back).   CHILLAX!   This stuff's gonna shut down your muscles one by one.   Why?  So you'll let me stick Needle of Badness #2 in there to TAKE MY BABY from you.  That's right, Ava, MY BABY!!!   Shut up, Ava's cellphone!  SHUT UP!!!  Who's calling?  Why it's SILAS!   Come on, you guys are TOTES back together and you were SCREW SCREW SCREWING last night!   You have to ask me WHY I'm doing this, Ava?  You have to ask???   It's because I was once pregnant, then YOU AND SILAS SCREWED AND HAD A KID and I WAS PUT INTO A 20 YEAR COMA!  A TWENTY YEAR COMA!!!  (puts her hands all over Ava's belly)  Rockabye baby in Ava's womb!  When Nina comes you'll be born real soon.  (readies Needle of Badness #2).  Just wait I plunge this bad boy into you.  It won't be long, baby.  MAMA NINA'S COMING FOR YOU!!!  

 Ava:  What are you doing here, you deranged whackjob?    Who let you in?   And where the hell is Morgan?    We don't have anything to chat about, NINA!   WHAT DID YOU JUST DO TO ME?  WHY?  WHY????   OMG, where's my phone.   Must call Silas now.   I didn't steal your baby you psychopath, your creepy mother did!   It's MY BABY!   DON'T TAKE MY BABY!   DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER! 

  Madeline:  Don't mind me, Leisl.  I'm just babysitting Silas and feeling guilty about what I did to Sam.   Where's Nina?   How should I know?   For all we know she could be plunging Needles of Badness into Ava Jerome right now.   Fondness for syringes runs in our family, after all. 

  Dr. O:   Well, if it isn't my least favorite patient in the hospital.  Herr Doe, you vouldn't know a German accent if it hit you upside ze head!   Nurse Webber, zere are ozzer patients in zis hospital, you know.   Magda, I sought you were done squatting in my office.   Vere's my prescription pad?   Who did you put in a 20 year coma zis time, Magda?   Here, Herr Doe.  Zis is your bill.  You are being evicted from zis hospital.  Good riddance!

 Jake:  Nein!  Nein!  Nein!  Ich var eine berliner!   See, I didn't lose my sense of humor in that accident.  Memory, yes.  Funny bone, no.   Hey, Uhlizabeth, I've got a Halloween treat for you that isn't edible.   Now since my phone, if I had one, didn't survive the accident, I can't take a selfie, so I've forgotten what I look like.   Draw me.   That's what I look like?  Dang, I hope I was better looking before getting run over by a SUV.  Nah, just kidding.  I'm as handsome as ever.   What's this, Dr. O?   My walking papers?    Who am I going to have to rip off to come up with that kind of dough? 

Liz:  Jake, you are hilarious!   Don't mind Dr. O.   She'd hate me even if I cured cancer, AIDS, and ebola in one fell swoop. You got me some candy?   Not sure my blood sugar and tooth enamel have recovered yet from Beggar's night.   Oh, a drawing set.   What am I supposed to draw with this?  You?  Ok, I'll give it shot.  (Draws Jake) What do you think? 

Carly:  Franco, why did you hack into my computer to try to steal the recording of Sonny shooting AJ?   Ok, so you were just being paranoid and those days are behind you.  Good.  Let's get on with this wedding before Joss jumps overboard.   I do. 

Franco:   Come on, Carly, Ava caught me when I was feeling all insecure and paranoid about you sleeping with Sonny.   Now go get dressed so we can start this wedding.  HELL NO!   WHY WOULD I MARRY A LYING CHEATING WHORE?*

Josslyn:  (throws flower petals angrily down, then sprinkles them one by one.)  Um, Lucy, I have something to say about Mom marrying that freak!   OMG, FREAK SAID HELL NO! 

Silas:  Sam, we'd better run some more tests on Danny to make sure someone like, I don't know, Madeline Reeves, didn't switch the results.   Ava, pick up, dammit!   Hi Danny.  Wanna help me with that test again?   You get a lollipop!   Good boy.   Texts Ava:  What's up?  Getting worried.  Morgan back yet?

Sam:  What if these tests come back with bad news too?   I'll call mom and have her bring Danny.   Thanks, Silas.  Please let it be good news this time.  Thanks Mom and Julian.

Danny:  I wanna push some buttons, Grandma.  Hi Dr. Silas.  Do you have a lollipop?




Julian:  Ava didn't kill AJ, Commissioner.   Stop finding reasons to haul me in here.  Alexis!   Good to see you're not freezing me out.  Hey there, Danny.   What?  He's sick again?  

Anna:  Julian, tell me the truth.  Did your sister kill AJ Quartermaine?   Dante, I'm beginning to believe your father is involved.  

Dante:  None of these theories make sense.  Why would Sonny shoot AJ in Ava's apartment?   Yeah, I'm afraid my father might have been the one to pull the trigger, even though he promised Michael he wouldn't. 

Alexis:  Julian, Danny might be sick again.

Morgan:  I don't believe for one minute that Ava shot Connie, Dad.   Why would she shoot her.  She didn't even KNOW her?   Let me hear this proof you have.  OMG OMG OMG!!!  You were right all along, Dad.  Ava's a monster!   Why didn't you tell me this before.  Like before I let her shack up at the Brownstone?   Welcome back to my good side, Dad. 

Sonny:  Ava shot Connie, Morgan.  She shot her because Connie found out that Derek Wells was Julian Jerome.   She SHOT CONNIE IN COLD BLOOD!!!   I have proof.  Have a listen to this.  I shot the wrong man, son.  I didn't tell you before because I didn't want it getting back to Michael.  You know where Ava's hiding?   Do tell, son.  Do tell.  Thank you, son.   You're inching closer to Michael in the Most Favored Son contest. 

Revenge Wedding Part I: Where's Da Groom?

The Carly/Franco Revenge Wedding is ON, my friends!   But it can't start until the groom shows up.   Nutty Nina puts her plan in motion with the aid of Mama Madeline/"Dr. Mooney".  

Nina:  Damn Silas!  We have to get him OUT OF THAT HOUSE so I can have a clear shot at my BABYMAMA Ava.   MOMMY, this is where you come in.   YOU need to get Silas out of the Brownstone.   Think of the money, Mommy.  Think of the money!   Country clubs!   Swimming Pools!  Movie Stars!   No more poorhouse!   You could always ask Auntie Leisl to call him into work.   So, now that you've lured Silas, Mommy, you need to babysit him.  Make sure Sam keeps him occupied while I go pay a visit to my dear friend AVA.  I have the Needle of Badness ready to work its magic and bring me my BABY!   You're gonna be a grandma, Mommy!    Aaaavvvaaa, look who's here!  

Madeline:  So how do you propose I remove Silas from the brownstone?   He sees me as Public Enemy #1.   Okay, I have a plan.   I need a white coat, some glasses, and a good "doctor name".   Just where do you think you're going with that folder, Mr. Lab Tech?   My name is Dr. Mooney and I need to take a look at that file.  You know, a little cut here, a little paste there, bada bing bada boom, kid's sick again.  Sam Morgan begs Silas to come take a look at the results himself.  He's at the hospital.  Ava Jerome's by her lonesome, but not for long.  The things I'll do for a buck.  

Jordan:  Hey, security guy, is Shawn around?   Wrong answer!  (clocks the security guard).   Who are you and what is Shawn doing holding you here?   Did you not get the memo?   Shawn doesn't work for Franco.  He works for Sonny Corinthos.  I'm okay, Shawn but you need to get over here like yesterday.  This woman is lethal when she's in BLT withdrawal.  

Heather:  Who the hell are you?  Oh, that good looking, fit black gentleman who provides me with all the BLTs I can eat while I wait to be escorted to Franco's wedding?   He DOESN'T work for Franco?   We have a problem, sweetie pie.   Here, play with some bubble wrap.   Let's take a selfie, shall we?   Now, we text this to Shawn to show him just what will happen if he doesn't let me talk to my son.   So, Shawn, you got my texts.  I've got your girlfriend and her little gun too.  Put Franco on or I might have to use it.   Now you'd better come rescue Jordan before starvation gets the better of me.   BLTs or I shoot.   That was too easy.  I'm coming, dear son!

Shawn:   Hey, Franco.  I've got a surprise for you from the boss, and I ain't talking about Springsteen.  You know too much about the whole Sonny shooting AJ thing, so make peace with your maker while I give my little pre-shooting speech.   Looks like the natives are getting restless and hungry for more BLTs.   Hey, Heather, what's this about you tying up Jordan?   Alright, fine.  Franco, it's for you.   It's your loony mother.   If you lay a finger on Jordan, I'll destroy you faster than you can say BLT.   Fine, if you're gonna do it that way...  Sonny, I did the deed.  Franco's dead.   Or something like that.  

Franco:  So, what kind of mob hitman shoots the groom on his wedding day?   If you shoot me, Carly's going to find out and it won't be pretty.   You're going to frame my mother?   Points for creativity.   Hi, mother.   You're going to be late for my wedding.  Hell, I'm late for my wedding because Sonny's goomba has a gun pointed at me.   I'm here, Carly.   You didn't think I'd miss my own wedding day, did you? 

Ava:  You know what, Silas?   Sam's not so bad after all.  You should really get back together with her.  It sure beats that psycho wife of yours.   Go be with Sam, Silas.  I'll be okay.  Morgan should be back any minute.   Thanks again for the Needle of Goodness.   Morgan, is that you? 

Morgan:  Dad, what's the deal with you and Ava?   She told me you shot AJ.  Is that true?   Even after you PROMISED Michael you wouldn't and he's like your favoritest son and everything?    I'm not going to tell him you killed his bio dad if you promise not to kill Ava.  Deal or no deal?   What?   Ava killed Connie?  

Sonny:  Ava has to die, son.   There are no two ways about it.   DAMN IT, MORGAN!  YES I SHOT AJ QUARTERMAINE!!!!   No deal.  Still killing Ava.   Why, BECAUSE SHE KILLED CONNIE, THAT'S WHY!!! 

Michael:  Where's Morgan?  I have to suffer through this Revenge Wedding, so should he.  I MUST FIND OUT WHO KILLED AJ. 

Kiki:  Morgan...he's got a touch of the flu, no, TB, no I think he said he has rabies.   That's it.   But I'm here and don't I look purdy?  

Carly:  Spencer, did Franco know you were hiding out at my house and scaring the crap out of Nikolas?   Remember, you're under oath, so tell me the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.  

Spencer:  Yellow again, Josslyn?   Of course, it's the color of CORN!   Josslyn wasn't the only one who knew I was a fugitive from Spoon Island.  Oh, alright, Franco knew.  Now I have to go, 'cuz Mr. Franco is scarier than the chupacabra.  

Brad:   Can't talk now, Sam.  On the way to a verrry interesting wedding.   Ok, I'll get the results but you're making me late to meet your brother.  You remember he's your brother, don't you?   Hey, doc I've never seen before.   Just delivering some results to the mother of one of Dr. Clay's patients.   Ok, whatever, just hurry up.  Time's a wasting.   Ok, here they are, Sam.   Catch you later. 

A New Day Dawns in The Chuckles...

October 30th is FINALLY over and Port Chuck has turned the page to Halloween morning, or the morning of the Carly/Franco Revenge Wedding. 

 Nina:  So, MOMMY, how was stalking that brownstone place last night?   I hope you didn't, I don't know, FALL ASLEEP ON THE JOB!   What?   SILAS WAS THERE???   Nina, give yourself a head massage.  Nina, give yourself a head massage.  SILAS WAS THERE???  SO WHAT SO WHAT SO WHAT!!!!!    What's this, Mommy?  HE NEVER LEFT???    (spins around and slaps all that is living out of Madeline).  THEY'RE SCREWING!!!  I KNOW IT!!!  He's my HUSBAND and he CHEATED ON ME AGAIN!!!!   It's like...It's like...I'M INVISIBLE!!!  IN-VI-SI-BLE!!! I'll show them, Mommy.  I'll show them!   First, we'll steal the baby.  Then we'll kill Ava, THEN WE'LL KILL SILAS!   That'll show them how INVISIBLE I am!   Oh, FACEPALM!  Of course Silas is a doctor and he was checking on THE BABY!   I feel really stupid for about 5 seconds.  Lookee here, Mommy!   Lookee what Nina's got!   A little bitty vial of oxytocin with a needle!   This will send Ava into labor that no Needle of Non-Labor Goodness will be able to reverse.  Then, an adorable bundle of someone else's joy will fall peacefully into my arms!   

 Madeline:  Ugh, where's the ibuprofen?  I've been stalking that godawful brownstone all night and had to leave when the overgrown pizza boy went inside.   Who else was inside?  Well there was Kiki--still hate that name--and, brace yourself, Silas.   Yes, Silas was there with Ava.   He never left the building.   Do I have to spell it out for you, Nina?   HE WAS THERE ALL NIGHT.   Nina, GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF AND NEVER SLAP YOUR MOTHER LIKE THAT AGAIN!  Whoa, Nina.  Turn the cray dial down a few notches.   Silas is a doctor and Ava is pregnant.  Did it ever occur to you that he was making a house call?   What is that, Nina?   Whew, I was thinking for a minute you wanted me to perform a C-section with a kitchen knife.   A Needle of Badness I can handle.  When do we start? 

 Morgan:  Hey, there's this car that's been stalking us all night.   Didn't catch who the driver is.   Maybe I'd better skip the Franco Revenge Wedding Fiasco and stay here in case it's either Nina or my dad.   Silas, can you guard Ava with your life and I'll go confront Dad?  

 Kiki:  OMG, Mom!   Someone's stalking the house!   Could it be Nutty Nina?   I can trust Rosalie about as far as I can throw her.   Hey, Franco.  I got you some cuff links for your big day.   I don't know your last name and all so I just got an F for Franco and a C for Carly.   Bye now, and good luck!

Ava:  What if the person in the car isn't Nina?  What if it's SONNY?   He wants me dead as soon as I deliver.  

Carly:  Morning, FIANCE!   Are you ready to walk down the aisle?   No cold feet here.  I'm wearing slippers.   Michael, my favorite child EVER!   You could do no wrong.  You are the chosen one and all the best of me, Sonny, and Jason.  Yes, you had three parents, not counting that no-good drunk AJ.   I like to think you are the product of a menage a trois with me, Sonny, and Jason instead.   Aw, Michael, you don't have to go looking for AJ's killer.  Sometimes it's best to let sleeping dogs lie. 

Franco:  Morning, FIANCEE!   You are going to be calling me lots of other names after our wedding day today.   Just ironing out some final details, like the extra-special wedding video that I know you don't want but you secretly do.   You're not getting cold feet are you?   Hey, Beach, what the hell happened with Heather?   She's an ESSENTIAL part of today's plans.  She puts the REVENGE in Revenge wedding!   Thanks for the cuff links, Kiki!   Even if they do make me late for my own wedding.   By the way, my name is Franco Frank Baldwin...I think.   Shawn, what are you doing here?  You weren't even invited, being Sonny's BFF and all.  

Beach:  About the Heather thing...somebody clocked me and when I came to, she was gone.   Don't know who it was.  Could have been white, BLACK, fat, FIT, female, MALE, he got me from behind.  You'd better make sure Heather's not on the loose or my ass is on the line.  

Shawn:  Boss, the hit on Franco is ready to be carried out.  Jordan, what are you doing here?   I'm busy making BLTs for Heather Webber.   Gotta keep my prisoners well-fed.  Not the what-really-happened-to-TJ's-father thing again!   I oughtta just tell him anyway so you can't threaten me with that anymore.   And I told you, no nookie while you're still dealing.   And if I tell TJ what happened, you're name is just as much mud as mine. 

Jordan:  What are you up to now, Shawn?  Don't think I didn't hear you say "pull the trigger."   So are you gunning for Ava again?   I'm actually here to talk about TJ and how he has misplaced hero worship for you yet he hates my guts.   I can always tell him what really happened between you and his dad.   So you are going to tell him now?  

Sonny:  Shawn, how's FrancoWatch 10-31-14 going?  Let's get this show on the road.   Commissioner Devane, to what do I owe this visit?   What about Ava?  I don't know where she is.   If you really had anything to bring me down, I'd be keeping Mateo company in your squad car.   I wouldn't say RIGHT after the cord was cut.  I'd wait about 30 seconds, just as a professional courtesy.   Just kidding, Commish!   Don't be a stranger, unless you've got the cuffs, that is.  

Anna:  Mr. Corinthos, I need to have a little tete a tete with you about a possible murder.   Who?  Ava Jerome, of course.   The woman who's either pregnant with your child or your grandchild.   Under ordinary circumstances that would be rather unusual, but for Sonny Corinthos, it's just par for the course.  How is Thanksgiving with all your children and their mothers?   Carly, pass the turkey.   Alexis, may I have some cranberry sauce?  Olivia, are there any mashed potatoes left?  Ava?  She won't be around because you're planning on murdering her not five seconds after she gives birth!   If you find her, I do have some questions concerning the murder of Michael's biological father, who also won't be making it to the holiday feast because he is dead.   Stay on the straight and narrow, Mr. C, because you are far from my circle of trust and I'll be watching you. 

Franco Scorecard

 Franco Frank Baldwin --or whatever the hell his name is--is about to tie the knot with Carly Benson Corinthos Jacks.   But where does he stand with the rest of Port Chuckles?

  Who likes Franco?  

       Carly:  She used to hate him and then she found out that his serial killing was due to a brain tumor.  She inexplicably fell in love with him once he started looking like Roger Howarth.  Perhaps the attraction can be explained by his resemblance to Todd Manning?   But is she marrying him out of love for him or for his silence about who really killed AJ?

       Scott:  He was no fan of the guy before he learned that Franco was his son.   Now he's traded one unhinged son for another. 

       Heather:  For now, at least, Franco is on Heather's good side.  BLTs and the prospect of release from Ferncliff to torment Carly at the Revenge Wedding work wonders. 

       Kiki:  She thought Franco was her dad and even when it turned out he wasn't, she still had a soft spot for him.

        Nina:  Crazies of a feather flock together.  

        Dr. Obrecht:  She thinks Franco is an artistic genius and gave him a job as art therapist at GH. 

   Who hates Franco? 

        Sonny:  He's the rival for Carly's affections.  He also tormented people that Sonny loves, including Michael and Jason.   Sonny wants Franco dead before his wedding day and plans to pin the murder on Franco's mother, Heather Webber.

        Josslyn:  He's the stepdad of Corn Girl's nightmares.

        Michael:  He's still not convinced Franco didn't order Carter to rape him in prison.  He's only standing up as Franco's best man to make his mother happy. 

        Olivia:  He's as crazy as his mother, Heather Webber.   'Nuff said.

        Madeline:  She gets a weird vibe from the guy. 

        Jake:  He gets a weird vibe from the guy and he thinks Carly is making a mistake marrying him.
   
        Liz:   Franco, when he looked like James Franco, tried to steal Aiden from her, among other things.

       Lulu:  He strapped her to a bomb. 

       Shawn:  He works for Sonny.  Sonny hates Franco, ergo Shawn hates Franco.

       Sam:  He tried to make her think he raped her.

       

      

Crazy Good...

Trust Me

He just has that trustworthy face...

 In my recap, I totally forgot about the convo between NuJason/Jake and Michael, complete with the requisite deja vu moment: 

  Jake:  Man, climbing Mount GH takes a lot out of a dude.   Hey, can you lend me a hand and push me in my Nina Chair back to my room--wait a minute.  Don't I know you?   I know I've been saying that a lot to people lately, but when your memory's been wiped out by a car driven by a woman who is not Jordan Ashford, but pregnant and blonde, things can get awkward.   So you've got two dads?   Times have sure changed.  But hey, I'm cool with that.   It's 2006, man.  2010?   No way, it's 2014?   Anyway, who loves who is none of my business.   Oh, so they're not...one is dead?   Bummer.   Good luck finding who did it.   Hey, no problemo.   You're not the first person in this hospital to spill their guts to me.  I've been told I have this trustworthy face.  

 Michael:  I'd be happy to help you, sir.   No, I don't think I know you from anywhere.   I'm told I look like my dead uncle.   His name was Jason.   Not only do I have a dead uncle who looks like me but I have a dead bio dad too.  His name was AJ.  The guy I thought killed him supposedly didn't so I'm trying to find the real killer.  My other dad's name is Sonny.   How do you know Carly?    Oh, she spilled her guts to you too.   You look like a guy I can trust can keep a secret.   Good luck finding your peeps.   Now which way to your room? 

Beggars Can't Be Choosers

The Longest Day Ever in Port Chuckles continues...

 Nathan:  So, Diane, the thing is, this Judge Walters guy has a creepy obsession with Maxie and won't let her see me unless she wants to risk never seeing her kid.   Is this even legal?    I can't risk anything backfiring on Maxie because I'm a good guy, unlike the faux-Aussie creep who kidnapped her.  

 Diane:  Dinner's on me, Nathan.   I kicked Scotty Baldwin's ass in court today and I want to celebrate!   Woo hoo!   So this impossibly rich widow had a prenup and yada yada yada you're bored.  I always liked you and when we were in court for the custody hearing I was like, you and Maxie should TOTES hook up!   Well, we could go with the bias thing but that could backfire.  So could getting Walters' new squeeze Monica Quartermaine involved.  So, we're back to square one.  Sorry, nice guy Nathan.   I really wanted to help and to stick it to Walters.  

 Sam:  Hey, it's Patrick the lumberjack!   Nice faux beard, adventure buddy!   So Tracy called and Jerry pulled a fast one on her and sent her Larry Ashton instead of Luke.  So much for asking Luke if he's in cahoots with Jerry and whether he ran you off the road.   By the way, what's with the costumes?  Halloween's not until tomorrow.   Kids, help yourself to my candy stash but leave some for the kids who, you know, actually wait for Halloween to trick-or-treat.   So you want me to do the Beggar's Night thing without a costume?   Okay, since Patrick here is a lumberjack, I'll stick some leaves in my pants and in my hair and be a tree.  

 Patrick:  Hey, Sam, ever hear of Beggar's Night?   Yeah, another excuse to grab candy.   What's up with Luke Watch?   Who the hell is this Ashton dude?   Are you sure HE didn't run us off the road?   Come with us to Wyndemere for Cassa-candy.   No costume?  No problem.  We'll think of something. 

 Spencer:  Oh, the angst!  Emma's still with that townie Cameron.  Dad, you don't know what it's like to be a 9-year-old with a broken heart.   Hi, Josslyn.  Corn again?   I have a plan to break up my true love and the townie.  Want in?  

 Josslyn:  Hey Spencer, hand over the candy.  It's Beggar's Night.  Oh, and can you hide me at Wyndemere so I don't have to go to Mom and The Freak's wedding?  

 Emma:  Why is Spencer going out with Corn Girl?  

 Cam:  Screw Spencer!  He's a jerk!   You're with ME now, Emma. 

 Scott:  Got the champagne, got the fuzzy robe, now all I'm missing is...Franco?   Alright, you can come in.   Have a fuzzy robe and some extra-crunchy strawberries.   You know, I had another son once, but now he's dead by the hand of Lulu.  It's not really her fault because he was nuts just like you.   But you get the crazy genes from your mom.  Heather still rotting away at Ferncliff where she belongs?   Wouldn't want her to, I don't know, wreak havoc at your wedding.  

Franco:  Hey, Pops.  Carly kicked me out for her mother-daughter bachelorette party.   Yeah, weird isn't it?  So I thought we'd have a father-son bachelor party.  Let's hang out.  Hey, Beach, what's the lowdown on Heather?   Don't worry, Pop, just making sure Mom's all locked up in Ferncliff for the big day.  Wouldn't want her making any surprise appearances now, would we?  

Carly:  I've got the vino, Mom.  It's officially a bacherlorette party and a no talking about Sonny or Franco zone.   Mom, did you know Luke's being held hostage by Jerry?   Sonny, why are you calling?   Thanks for wishing me luck.  I'll need it, but don't let that go to your head.  

Bobbie:  Are you SURE you want to do this tomorrow?   No doubts about Franco?  No lingering thoughts of Sonny?   Ok  I'll be the supportive mother and beam down on you while praying to God that Franco doesn't pull one of his freakshow stunts at the MetroCourt tomorrow.   The Haunted Star?  Franco changed the venue at the last minute?   What about Luke?   I should have known that my ex Jerry would be involved.   He was a much nicer guy when I dated him way back in the day.  

Maxie:  Diane, why haven't you gotten back to me?   So there is nothing you can do for me and Nathan?  

BEWARE THE NINA!

Jake Doe/NuJason Scorecard

NuJason (Billy Miller) does not know he's NuJason at all because, you know, soaps love amnesia.  He's going by Jake because he had some dream where the name Jake came up, so it just felt right.   Here is his GH Scorecard so far: 

  Who Likes NuJason/Jake Doe: 

       Elizabeth Webber:  She can't stay away from the guy.   He's the new Man-She-Has-To-Have.   He looks familiar to her but she doesn't know why.  

       Carly Corinthos Jacks (soon to be Frank/Baldwin):  Carly also feels deja vu around Jake.   She doesn't know why either, but she trusts him to not spill what he heard her say about Sonny and Franco.

  Who Hates NuJason/Jake Doe: 

       Dr. Obrecht:  Dr. O hates when Jake calls her Dr. O.   He also hates that he doesn't have insurance. 

       Franco:  Franco just hates Jake because he was talking to Carly. 

Still October 30th in Port Chuck

Nina: So, Mommy, where's Ava? I just KNEW that BASTARD daughter Freaky Kiki was hiding her. Freaky Kiki, where have I heard that before? So, if you know where she is, Mommy, why is she not bound and gagged and in this room? Auntie Leisl! Welcome to my League of Loonies! Nice room, by the way. Best plotting and scheming room in the entire hospital! How sweet, Mommy, you're waiting until she goes into labor to steal her baby. Guess what, MOMMY? That ain't gonna cut it! If she knows we know where she is, she's gonna skip town and NO BABY FOR NINA!! I'll tell you what you're gonna do. You're gonna put HER in a coma and cut that baby out of her YOURSELF!!!

Madeline: I got the lowdown on Ava from Rosalie. Her daughter Kiki--what a godawful name--is stashing her at some random brownstone at the waterfront. Now that we know where she is, we can wait until she goes into labor and put our plan into motion then. Hello, Leisl. Thank you for letting me and my unhinged daughter camp out in here while we plot and scheme about how to steal Ava Jerome's baby. You know something about stealing babies, don't you, Leisl? Just when I thought you couldn't get any nuttier, Nina, you suggest that I put Ava in a coma to steal her baby?

Dr. O: Hello nurse Webber. Where is that vagrant Jake Doe? I hope he's not bozzering that artistic genius Franco. Franco is such a visionary. As for you, I hear you used to finger paint. Magda, Nina, turn down ze volume on your plotting and scheming. I have some work to do, like keeping indigent patients away from ze genius zat is Franco and giving the zeitgeist strudel gesundheit to incompetent nurses who prescribe the wrong medication to pregnant women. Nurse Webber, what the aufweidersehn are you doing wis zat Jake Doe?

Jake: So this is Franco. No wonder you're getting cold feet, Carly. Okay, okay, I'm out of here. It smells like serial killer in here anyway. Hey, Dr. O. I'm back from that room where the whackjob artist works. Elizabeth, can you help me climb those stairs. The sooner I can climb stairs and get out of the Nina chair, the sooner I can get away from Dr. Third Reich. Gonna miss you, though. I'M KING OF THE WORLD!!! Now if I could only remember who my subjects are...

Liz: Don't worry, Dr. O, I was just taking Jake on a little tour of the hospital. He was getting bored in that room talking about Jason 24/7. Hi Jake. So you met Carly and liked her? Oookaaay. I don't think you're ready for those stairs yet. Your insides were just renovated and you can barely walk. Okay, alright, but no funny business. You did it, Jake! Maybe you don't need the Nina chair either?

Tracy: What fresh hell? Luke is in a body bag! Is he alive, Ned? Ugh, it's Larry Ashton! Ever heard of a shower, dude? Now WHERE THE HELL IS LUKE???

Lulu: Is that Daddy in the body bag? OMG!!! Um, who the hell is he? How many husbands have you had, Tracy? WHERE IS MY DADDY????

Ned: He's alive, but he's not your dad, Lulu. He's mine! Kinda would have preferred Luke, believe it or not. How does it feel to be double-crossed, Mom? You gave away ELQ, but Luke's still nowhere to be found.

Olivia: Hey, Alexis. Ned wasn't in Mixed Martial Arts at the gym today. Any chance he was canoodling with you?

Alexis: Ned takes Martial Arts? Who is he trying to beat up? If Julian lies to me again, Ned could come in handy.

Michael: Hey, Dad Sonny, why are you hanging with Dad AJ in the crypt. Oh, you're here to see Jason. I miss him too. I wanna know who killed Dad AJ. Was it Ava? No, I'm not going to kill anyone, Dad, but I'm going to be best man at Mom's wedding to Franco tomorrow. I miss you Dad AJ. When I find out who killed you, all bets are off.

Sonny: Hey Michael. I'm not here to guilt-mourn AJ. I'm here to stare at the plaque of a guy who's not as dead as we all think, but underwent a personality transplant on the operating table. Now don't be killing anyone, son, and I won't judge you for standing up for Franco tomorrow.

Kiki: Hello, Roooosalie! Whaddaya want? I should have known I wouldn't be able to trust you. So you DIDN'T TELL NINA??? Ok, but I still don't like you.

Ava: Don't mess with Ava Jerome, Rosalie. You will live to regret it. That is, if you live.

Rosalie: Just wanted to let you know, Ava, that you must BEWARE THE NINA. No, I didn't tell NINA where you are. I'm outta here. You two creep me out.

Shawn: Hey Heather, I've got a treat for you! Now tell me what Franco's up to.

Heather: Hello handsome black man! When will I be reunited with my favorite son? Just to keep you up to speed, this week it's Franco. Mmm, BLT!!! Shall I tell you what Franco's up to? Nah, he might not approve. Best to stay on that one's good side.

Franco: Hey, Bride to Be! Who's this loser? Hey, messed-up dude! Get lost. My FIANCEE and I need to have a little chat. Ok, that punk is gone. I have some surprises up my sleeve tomorrow! It's going to be a wedding you will never forget. Oh, the change of venue. The haunted star is where you said you hated me and wanted to kill me, so I was like, "What better place for a wedding!"

Carly: Hey, I liked that Jake guy. He had a trustworthy face. Yeah, I know about the change of venue surprise. What about our guests? Oh yeah, not many of those because few people in the Chuckles can stand you. No videos, do you hear me? No videos!

Welcome to the Chuckles!

I've been watching GH off and on for over fifteen years.   I started back watching every day in early 2012 and I feel that Carlivati and Frank Valentini have made it fun to watch again, after the dark days when Bob Guza was writing.   Is everything perfect? No.  Sometimes the storytelling is choppy and characters and storylines are abandoned for weeks at a time, but I still look forward to watching every day.   I've been following my cyber-friend Karen's WubTub blog for years and recently, I've started recapping shows from various characters' points of view, filled with subtext and snark.  

 On this site, you won't find any spoilers, scoops, or actor comings and goings.  This blog is entirely based on the characters and plots of General Hospital.   I will include daily recaps, memes, and other assorted bits of satire and snark such as song parodies, character scorecards, and whatever else comes into my mind after at least one glass of wine.   So, after you visit the WubTub, come over to General Hilarity for some more GH fun!