Britt is back, at least for the purpose of snarking up the red carpet with Brad. Patrick stops Dr. O from harassing Sam. Jake tells Liz he still has feelings for her. Molly tries to discourage Ric from proposing to Liz at the Nurses' Ball. Carly bribes Fake Jake/Pete to come to The Chuckles with her to blow Ric and Hayden's scheme sky high. Spencer refuses to go to the Nurses' Ball.
BRAD AND LUCAS'S APARTMENT
BRAD: OMG!
BRITT: The Britch is BACK!
BRAD: How's the fugitive thing with your international terrorist dad going?
BRITT: For an international terrorist, he's actually kind of sweet. I call him Papa.
BRAD: You call Ceasr Faison "Papa"?
BRITT: Speaking of "Papa" I kind of miss my "mutter".
BRAD: Try being her underling.
BRITT: I think I miss Spencer the most, even if his dad is the reason I can't show my face to anyone but you.
BRAD: He got hurt in a fire.
BRITT: OMG, poor Spence! I want to see him so bad but his dad wants to throw me in the clink.
HOSPITAL
LIESL: Vat is ze matter, Frau Morgan? Aah you sinking about Herr Doe, or is it Herr Bahnes?
SAM: I'm just hanging around, waiting for Patrick (to herself) and worry about whether or not to tell my dad that Olivia is having his baby.
LIESL: Dr. Drake is very busy in ze operating room, Frau Morgan. Aah you sure you are not vaiting for Herr Bahnes? After all, you vere part of his harem before his vife showed up.
SAM: Jake is my friend. Patrick has nothing to worry about.
PATRICK: You can stop harassing my girlfriend any time now, Dr. Obrecht.
METROCOURT
JAKE: I may be married to Hayden, but I miss you, Uhlizabeth.
LIZ: I've got a lot of decorating to do.
JAKE: Hayden and I will be at the Nurses' Ball. Sam invited us.
LIZ: Oh did she?
JAKE: So, Carly tells me you and Ric are back together.
LIZ: Let me guess: Carly had Spinelli hack into my facebook account and update my relationship status. I wouldn't put it past her.
WYNDEMERE
HAYDEN: Come on, Nikolas! Don't be such a grumpypants! Have sex with me.
NIKOLAS: Is there no end to your carnal desires?
HAYDEN: Keep me satisfied and I'll keep your secret. You know, the one about knowing Jake's true identity.
NIKOLAS: I'd be more worried about ME keeping YOUR secret. You know, the one about you not being Jake's wife. You should know that we Cassadines have ways to handle people who cause trouble.
HAYDEN: Parapets and moats and daggers, oh my!
SPENCER: Am I interrupting something, father?
HAYDEN: Hey kid. Who are you?
NIKOLAS: This is my son Spencer.
SPENCER: Are you Valerie? Alfred says there is some woman named Valerie living here.
HAYDEN: That wouldn't be me. You can just call me the mystery lady.
METROCOURT
RIC: Check his out. I'm going to propose to Elizabeth tonight at the Nurses' Ball. Nice rock, isn't it?
MOLLY: Yeah, it's really nice. But aren't you rushing things a little? You just got back together with Elizabeth, like, 5 minutes ago.
RIC: The important thing is, Molly, that we are back together and we love each other. (to himself) and that we tie the knot before Jake finds out that Hayden is not more his wife than she is mine.
MOLLY: What if Elizabeth is still kinda sorta into Jake?
RIC: If so, she wouldn't have gotten back together with me now, would she?
MOLLY: You REALLY don't want to risk having to go back into online dating I see. Okay, I'm cool with the marrying Elizabeth thing. It's sure better than you being dead or in Witness Protection.
WYNDEMERE
NIKOLAS: Shouldn't you be getting ready for the Nurses' Ball?
SPENCER: You mean the one I'm not going to? I don't want to show my freakish face to all of Port Chuckles and I don't want to be there without Emma.
NIKOLAS: Come on, Spencer. You can make lemons into lemonade by using your mask to sing Phantom of the Opera.
SPENCER: Ha ha.
NIKOLAS: Fine, you don't have to go if you don't want to. It's not like I don't have a date I just met 5 minutes ago.
NYC
CARLY: You KNOW it was Ric who put you up to this. Why won't you admit it?
PETE: I don't know a Ric Lansing.
CARLY: I am the richest woman in Port Chuckles and I have a lot of cash to spare.
PETE: Maybe I do know him. Okay, I gotta go.
CARLY: You're coming with me to Port Chuckles. We have a Nurses' Ball to crash. Grab your tux so we can blow Ric's world apart.
BRAD'S APARTMENT
LIESL: Mistah Coopah, get back to vork at ze hospital.
BRAD: But I took a Mental Health day.
LIESL: Not anymore. Be gone! (Brad leaves) Britta! I know you aah here.
BRITT: Mother! How did you know?
LIESL: Your fozzer told me. Who else?
BRITT: I missed you so much.
LIESL: Mutter missed you too, Britta.
METROCOURT
HAYDEN: This Nurses' Ball thing looks like fun. Can we get tix?
JAKE: I already got 'em. My friend Sam gave them to me.
HAYDEN: Yay Sam!
JAKE: Why did you tell Uhlizabeth that you had sex with me about 50 times?
Thursday, April 30, 2015
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
The Morning Of
It's the morning of the Nurses' Ball in Port Chuckles. After being waylaid by Hayden demanding he cough up the cash, Ric helps Liz blow up balloons. TJ tells Molly that he saw some "client" confronting Ric. Carly ambushes Fake Jake at his NYC apartment. Sam offers Jake Nurses' Ball tix in exchange for him finding Jason's ring. Dante nearly walks in on Ned confessing to not being Olivia's baby daddy. Lulu brings Valerie to Wyndemere and introduces her to Nikolas. Brad gets a surprise visitor as he's about to leave for the Ball.
METROCOURT
HAYDEN: Cough up the cash, lover boy!
RIC: You can't be seen with me, you greedy vulture.
HAYDEN: Give me my dough and I'll go.
RIC: Do you think I'm a human ATM? You'll get your money when I can get it to you, now get lost!
TJ: Am I interrupting something, Mr. Lansing?
MOLLY: OMG, Elizabeth, I'm SO glad you got back together with my dad. He is really, really bad at online dating.
LIZ: He tried online dating? I guess it didn't go too well.
MOLLY: Yeah, the only date he went on was with a married woman.
LIZ: Oh really?
WYNDEMERE
LULU: Nikolas, this is my cousin, Valerie. She's your new roomie, if you can cohabiting in a castle being a roomie.
VALERIE: Don't worry. I'll stay at least a zip code away.
NIKOLAS: Pleased to meet you, Valerie. I'll have my staff take your belongings to your room.
LULU: He even has a staff. How cool is that, cuz?
VALERIE: I hope it's okay that I'm crashing at your castle. I might need a GPS to find my room.
LULU: Allow me.
NYC
CARLY: Here's the deal, Fake Jake. I know you were hired to pretend to be an amnesiac friend of mine before his plastic surgery and I need to know who put you up to this.
PETE: Who the hell are you? I'm just a starving actor-slash-model tryin' to make ends meet in this city. I don't know any Jakes, fake or otherwise. What's your deal, lady?
CARLY: If you don't tell me what kind of con you're running, I'll call the cops.
PETE: I'm sure the NYPD is a little busy to handle Fake Jake complaints, thank you very much.
CARLY: My friend is living with a woman pretending to be his wife and my PI found proof that you're in on this whole scam. What was Hawthorne College like? Did everyone walk around campus with a scarlet letter on their chest like a C for CON MAN?
PETE: Some dude with lots of dough paid me off. I needed the money for my one man show impersonating an amnesiac. So there. You got your story now scram. I've gotta make a living.
CARLY: WHO paid you off. I need a NAME or you'll be going down for fraud.
PETE: Some guy who wanted this brain-damaged friend of yours out of the way.
CARLY: Does he go by the name of Ric Lansing?
HOSPITAL
NED: Morning, Liv. Baby still hanging in there? Can't wait to be his or her fake daddy.
OLIVIA: Not a good idea to expose your non baby-daddyness in a hospital where anybody can just waltz right into this room.
DANTE: Hi mom!
SAM: Thanks for finding Jason's ring, Jake. Here are some Nurses' Ball tix for you and your lovely wife.
JAKE: Thanks, but no thanks. Elizabeth will be there with Ric. Can we say awkward?
SAM: Come on, Jake, it will be fun! I will be there, Patrick will be there, and so will Carly. Besides, I want to meet your wife. What's she like?
JAKE: It's not like I ever remembered her being my wife. She's off having sex with other men and I'm wishing I were with Elizabeth.
SAM: If you don't want to go, I'll just scalp the tix on ebay.
JAKE: Okay, fine, I'll go.
WYNDEMERE
HAYDEN: Guess who, prince Nikky! I'm here and I'm horny!
NIKOLAS: You're damn lucky I am too or I'd have you arrested for stalking.
VALERIE: Where's the kitch--Ooops, I'm so sorry. Just looking for the kitchen so I can make you a frita-ta-ta. Nice to meet you, Rosalie.
HAYDEN: You can call me Rosie. Who the hell are you?
NIKOLAS: This is Valerie, my sister's cousin.
HAYDEN: It's the SISTER'S cousin. You've got quite the harem there, Prince Nikky.
HOSPITAL
OLIVIA: That Valerie girl is the awesomesauce. She has mad teleporter skillz and she got me to the hospital in 2 seconds flat.
DANTE: She's not bad for a cousin-in-law that I met 5 minutes ago. We hung out a bit and she made me a frita-ta-ta.
OLIVIA: A WHAT?
DANTE: That's what her dearly departed mother called a fritatta.
OLIVIA: She's not hot for you, is she?
DANTE: Pffft! She just bonded with me because we both grew up with single mothers. Besides, Lulu is helping her move into Wyndemere with Nikolas as we speak.
METROCOURT
TJ: Your dad's got some client. This chick was really super pissed at him for not paying her. I thought that clients paid their attorneys, not the other way around.
MOLLY: That is really weird. Maybe you misunderstood. Dad put his dark, devious days behind him. He has Elizabeth now and he's happy.
TJ: You're probably right. I guess I'm always kinda suspicious given all my mom's been involved in.
LIZ: There are plenty more balloons where those came from. Obrecht insists on 8,000 balloons or she and a few of her "special friends" will hijack the opening number again. I hear she's tight with Helena Cassadine AND Franco.
RIC: I suppose I still have SOME hot air left in me.
METROCOURT
HAYDEN: Cough up the cash, lover boy!
RIC: You can't be seen with me, you greedy vulture.
HAYDEN: Give me my dough and I'll go.
RIC: Do you think I'm a human ATM? You'll get your money when I can get it to you, now get lost!
TJ: Am I interrupting something, Mr. Lansing?
MOLLY: OMG, Elizabeth, I'm SO glad you got back together with my dad. He is really, really bad at online dating.
LIZ: He tried online dating? I guess it didn't go too well.
MOLLY: Yeah, the only date he went on was with a married woman.
LIZ: Oh really?
WYNDEMERE
LULU: Nikolas, this is my cousin, Valerie. She's your new roomie, if you can cohabiting in a castle being a roomie.
VALERIE: Don't worry. I'll stay at least a zip code away.
NIKOLAS: Pleased to meet you, Valerie. I'll have my staff take your belongings to your room.
LULU: He even has a staff. How cool is that, cuz?
VALERIE: I hope it's okay that I'm crashing at your castle. I might need a GPS to find my room.
LULU: Allow me.
NYC
CARLY: Here's the deal, Fake Jake. I know you were hired to pretend to be an amnesiac friend of mine before his plastic surgery and I need to know who put you up to this.
PETE: Who the hell are you? I'm just a starving actor-slash-model tryin' to make ends meet in this city. I don't know any Jakes, fake or otherwise. What's your deal, lady?
CARLY: If you don't tell me what kind of con you're running, I'll call the cops.
PETE: I'm sure the NYPD is a little busy to handle Fake Jake complaints, thank you very much.
CARLY: My friend is living with a woman pretending to be his wife and my PI found proof that you're in on this whole scam. What was Hawthorne College like? Did everyone walk around campus with a scarlet letter on their chest like a C for CON MAN?
PETE: Some dude with lots of dough paid me off. I needed the money for my one man show impersonating an amnesiac. So there. You got your story now scram. I've gotta make a living.
CARLY: WHO paid you off. I need a NAME or you'll be going down for fraud.
PETE: Some guy who wanted this brain-damaged friend of yours out of the way.
CARLY: Does he go by the name of Ric Lansing?
HOSPITAL
NED: Morning, Liv. Baby still hanging in there? Can't wait to be his or her fake daddy.
OLIVIA: Not a good idea to expose your non baby-daddyness in a hospital where anybody can just waltz right into this room.
DANTE: Hi mom!
SAM: Thanks for finding Jason's ring, Jake. Here are some Nurses' Ball tix for you and your lovely wife.
JAKE: Thanks, but no thanks. Elizabeth will be there with Ric. Can we say awkward?
SAM: Come on, Jake, it will be fun! I will be there, Patrick will be there, and so will Carly. Besides, I want to meet your wife. What's she like?
JAKE: It's not like I ever remembered her being my wife. She's off having sex with other men and I'm wishing I were with Elizabeth.
SAM: If you don't want to go, I'll just scalp the tix on ebay.
JAKE: Okay, fine, I'll go.
WYNDEMERE
HAYDEN: Guess who, prince Nikky! I'm here and I'm horny!
NIKOLAS: You're damn lucky I am too or I'd have you arrested for stalking.
VALERIE: Where's the kitch--Ooops, I'm so sorry. Just looking for the kitchen so I can make you a frita-ta-ta. Nice to meet you, Rosalie.
HAYDEN: You can call me Rosie. Who the hell are you?
NIKOLAS: This is Valerie, my sister's cousin.
HAYDEN: It's the SISTER'S cousin. You've got quite the harem there, Prince Nikky.
HOSPITAL
OLIVIA: That Valerie girl is the awesomesauce. She has mad teleporter skillz and she got me to the hospital in 2 seconds flat.
DANTE: She's not bad for a cousin-in-law that I met 5 minutes ago. We hung out a bit and she made me a frita-ta-ta.
OLIVIA: A WHAT?
DANTE: That's what her dearly departed mother called a fritatta.
OLIVIA: She's not hot for you, is she?
DANTE: Pffft! She just bonded with me because we both grew up with single mothers. Besides, Lulu is helping her move into Wyndemere with Nikolas as we speak.
METROCOURT
TJ: Your dad's got some client. This chick was really super pissed at him for not paying her. I thought that clients paid their attorneys, not the other way around.
MOLLY: That is really weird. Maybe you misunderstood. Dad put his dark, devious days behind him. He has Elizabeth now and he's happy.
TJ: You're probably right. I guess I'm always kinda suspicious given all my mom's been involved in.
LIZ: There are plenty more balloons where those came from. Obrecht insists on 8,000 balloons or she and a few of her "special friends" will hijack the opening number again. I hear she's tight with Helena Cassadine AND Franco.
RIC: I suppose I still have SOME hot air left in me.
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Take My Cousin, Pretty Please!
While Lulu begs Nikolas to let Valerie live at Wyndemere, Valerie drives Olivia to the hospital with labor pains. Michael reams Ned for giving his ELQ shares to Franco. Dante arrests Morgan and Kiki for drugging Michael. Sonny & Carly make a deal with Michael. Having caught Franco searching her purse, Nina kicks him out of their suite. Felix pumps Sabrina for details on her and Michael and the kiss.
METROCOURT
LULU: Olivia, can you hang out with my cousin Valerie while I go cajole my brother into letting her live at his castle?
OLIVIA: Oooookay.
VALERIE: Why do I feel like a hot potato all of the sudden?
OLIVIA: Nice to meet you, Valerie. Sorry to hear you lost your mom. Yes, Dante does tell me everything.
VALERIE: Dante is the hott--I mean the nicest guy I know.
OLIVIA: He says you belong to the Only Child of Single Mother club too.
VALERIE: Looks like his membership is expiring soon.
OLIVIA: As huge as I am, the kid's still a few months away. OR NOT! OWWWW! HEEEELP!
VALERIE: OMG, Olivia, are you going into labor? I'm calling 911.
OLIVIA: An ambulance will take forever. Do you know how to operate the Port Chuckles Personal Teleporter yet? It will get me to the hospital in 5 seconds flat.
SILAS'S APARTMENT
DANTE: Am I going to have to kick this door down, Morgan?
SONNY: Hide the baby! Now!
CARLY: Are you KIDDING ME?
SONNY: Just DO it, Carly, or Morgan goes to the Big House. (Opens the door) Come in, son. We were just having some family time with Morgan and Kiki. A good-natured game of Hide and Seek.
DANTE: Morgan, Kiki, you're under arrest for drugging Michael.
MORGAN: Like, seriously? You ACTUALLY think I drugged my brother?
DANTE: Save it, Morgan. Michael found the pills ON YOUR PERSON at the ELQ office. You and Kiki are dead to rights, bro. By the way, where's the baby?
MORGAN: She's in Timbuktu. How the hell am I supposed to know?
DANTE: Okay if I take a look around?
SONNY: Warrant?
DANTE: DAMMIT! Why don't I just cuff these two for the roofie caper and get the hell out of here.
ELQ OFFICE
MICHAEL: I feel a Mabrina coming on. How about you?
SABRINA: Let me check with Felix.
NED: Am I interrupting something? I just came here to discuss my colossal screw-up.
SABRINA: I'm outta here. (leaves)
MICHAEL: I'm listening.
NED: I traded my ELQ shares to Franco & Nina for their silence on a certain manner regarding Olivia.
MICHAEL: Say WHAAAAAAAT?
WYNDEMERE
NIKOLAS: Spit it out, Rosalie. What about Ned's shares?
ROSALIE: They're not his anymore. He traded them to Franco and my former wackadoo boss in exchange for some secret.
NIKOLAS: What secret?
ROSALIE: If I knew, it wouldn't be a secret now, would it? Honestly, Nikolas, sometimes you can be so tedious.
NIKOLAS: Oh dear God, my grandmother has put the chip in you too.
LULU: Big princely brother of mine, will you take my cous-- you have company.
ROSALIE: Not for long. Gotta get back to my real fake job working for Michael.
LULU: You don't waste any time, do you, big brother? Except when it comes to returning my calls and texts and facebook messages. Can't you see I'm trying to pawn my hubby-crushing cousin off on you?
NIKOLAS: I've been...busy.
LULU: I'll say. So this cousin, Valerie, is my dad's long lost sister's daughter who just lost her mother and tried to kill my father and has a monster crush on my husband. Please, be the best big brother EVER and squirrel her away in some far-flung wing in this castle?
NIKOLAS: Say WHAAAAAAAT?
FRANCO & NINA'S SUITE
NINA: If you're looking for maxi pads, I'm out. You know, premature mother-induced menopause and all. Is it hot in this room all of the sudden?
FRANCO: Guess I'm going to have to make a drugstore run, then. Actually, I was looking for evidence of baby. Like hot baby. Stolen baby. Kidnapped baby.
NINA: I KNEW IT! You don't trust me! I don't want to live with you anymore. I'm going to live with Jay in his greasy apartment that reeks of BLTs.
FRANCO: It looks like you and my mother have more in common than I'd thought.
NINA: I have a better idea. How about YOU move out. Like NOW! Go keep Auntie Liesl warm at night and NEVER COME BACK!
PCPD
MORGAN: What's the wifi password in here?
DANTE: Try SHUT UP!!!!
KIKI: It's worth a shot. See if it works.
MORGAN: Kiki, I'm sorry Kiki for getting you, Kiki into trouble Kiki. It's all Kiki my fault Kiki that we Kiki are in this mess Kiki.
KIKI: It's my fault too. After all, it takes two to roofie.
HOSPITAL
SABRINA: Michael kissed me.
FELIX: O to the MG, BRI! You GO, girl! How much lip? How much tongue? Over or under 30 seconds?
SABRINA: Fe, you SO need your own guy.
OLIVIA: OMG, My baby! Is my baby going to be okay?
VALERIE: I so need to call Dante and tell him his mother is in the hospital. Any excuse to hear his sexy voice.
NED: Don't worry about a thing, Liv. Because every little thing is going to be alright. How do I know? Three little birds told me.
OLIVIA: I'm losing it! Ned's singing reggae and Lulu's cousin is in love with my son.
WYNDEMERE
LULU: Please let Valerie live here. Pretty, pretty please for your FAVORITE only sister. I promise she won't put a scalpel to anyone's throat. Come to think of it, with that skill set, she may be part Cassadine anyway.
NIKOLAS: Fine, as long as she stays out of the way when I'm having sex with women I barely know. On second thought...
LULU: Thank you thank you THANK YOU!
ELQ OFFICE
SONNY: Michael, I'm about to make an offer you can't refuse. Drop the charges against Morgan and Kiki and you get Avery back, no questions asked.
MICHAEL: And you'll back off of Walters?
SONNY: Well...
MICHAEL: Take it or leave it. Drop the appeal or Morgan and Kiki are going to the hoosegow.
SONNY: Deal.
CARLY: (carrying the baby): She's all yours, Michael.
MICHAEL: Hey little AJ! Big brother loves you so much and he promises never to tip your stroller over again.
HOSPITAL
DANTE: How's my mother?
VALERIE: She's being examined right now. I had her teleported here the SECOND she started having labor pains.
OLIVIA: Is my baby okay?
FELIX: I think you just had fake contractions. Your uterus is just having a dress rehearsal.
OLIVIA: Tell my uterus that practice doesn't always make perfect.
LULU: (sees Valerie hugging Dante) I can't move her into that castle soon enough.
METROCOURT
LULU: Olivia, can you hang out with my cousin Valerie while I go cajole my brother into letting her live at his castle?
OLIVIA: Oooookay.
VALERIE: Why do I feel like a hot potato all of the sudden?
OLIVIA: Nice to meet you, Valerie. Sorry to hear you lost your mom. Yes, Dante does tell me everything.
VALERIE: Dante is the hott--I mean the nicest guy I know.
OLIVIA: He says you belong to the Only Child of Single Mother club too.
VALERIE: Looks like his membership is expiring soon.
OLIVIA: As huge as I am, the kid's still a few months away. OR NOT! OWWWW! HEEEELP!
VALERIE: OMG, Olivia, are you going into labor? I'm calling 911.
OLIVIA: An ambulance will take forever. Do you know how to operate the Port Chuckles Personal Teleporter yet? It will get me to the hospital in 5 seconds flat.
SILAS'S APARTMENT
DANTE: Am I going to have to kick this door down, Morgan?
SONNY: Hide the baby! Now!
CARLY: Are you KIDDING ME?
SONNY: Just DO it, Carly, or Morgan goes to the Big House. (Opens the door) Come in, son. We were just having some family time with Morgan and Kiki. A good-natured game of Hide and Seek.
DANTE: Morgan, Kiki, you're under arrest for drugging Michael.
MORGAN: Like, seriously? You ACTUALLY think I drugged my brother?
DANTE: Save it, Morgan. Michael found the pills ON YOUR PERSON at the ELQ office. You and Kiki are dead to rights, bro. By the way, where's the baby?
MORGAN: She's in Timbuktu. How the hell am I supposed to know?
DANTE: Okay if I take a look around?
SONNY: Warrant?
DANTE: DAMMIT! Why don't I just cuff these two for the roofie caper and get the hell out of here.
ELQ OFFICE
MICHAEL: I feel a Mabrina coming on. How about you?
SABRINA: Let me check with Felix.
NED: Am I interrupting something? I just came here to discuss my colossal screw-up.
SABRINA: I'm outta here. (leaves)
MICHAEL: I'm listening.
NED: I traded my ELQ shares to Franco & Nina for their silence on a certain manner regarding Olivia.
MICHAEL: Say WHAAAAAAAT?
WYNDEMERE
NIKOLAS: Spit it out, Rosalie. What about Ned's shares?
ROSALIE: They're not his anymore. He traded them to Franco and my former wackadoo boss in exchange for some secret.
NIKOLAS: What secret?
ROSALIE: If I knew, it wouldn't be a secret now, would it? Honestly, Nikolas, sometimes you can be so tedious.
NIKOLAS: Oh dear God, my grandmother has put the chip in you too.
LULU: Big princely brother of mine, will you take my cous-- you have company.
ROSALIE: Not for long. Gotta get back to my real fake job working for Michael.
LULU: You don't waste any time, do you, big brother? Except when it comes to returning my calls and texts and facebook messages. Can't you see I'm trying to pawn my hubby-crushing cousin off on you?
NIKOLAS: I've been...busy.
LULU: I'll say. So this cousin, Valerie, is my dad's long lost sister's daughter who just lost her mother and tried to kill my father and has a monster crush on my husband. Please, be the best big brother EVER and squirrel her away in some far-flung wing in this castle?
NIKOLAS: Say WHAAAAAAAT?
FRANCO & NINA'S SUITE
NINA: If you're looking for maxi pads, I'm out. You know, premature mother-induced menopause and all. Is it hot in this room all of the sudden?
FRANCO: Guess I'm going to have to make a drugstore run, then. Actually, I was looking for evidence of baby. Like hot baby. Stolen baby. Kidnapped baby.
NINA: I KNEW IT! You don't trust me! I don't want to live with you anymore. I'm going to live with Jay in his greasy apartment that reeks of BLTs.
FRANCO: It looks like you and my mother have more in common than I'd thought.
NINA: I have a better idea. How about YOU move out. Like NOW! Go keep Auntie Liesl warm at night and NEVER COME BACK!
PCPD
MORGAN: What's the wifi password in here?
DANTE: Try SHUT UP!!!!
KIKI: It's worth a shot. See if it works.
MORGAN: Kiki, I'm sorry Kiki for getting you, Kiki into trouble Kiki. It's all Kiki my fault Kiki that we Kiki are in this mess Kiki.
KIKI: It's my fault too. After all, it takes two to roofie.
HOSPITAL
SABRINA: Michael kissed me.
FELIX: O to the MG, BRI! You GO, girl! How much lip? How much tongue? Over or under 30 seconds?
SABRINA: Fe, you SO need your own guy.
OLIVIA: OMG, My baby! Is my baby going to be okay?
VALERIE: I so need to call Dante and tell him his mother is in the hospital. Any excuse to hear his sexy voice.
NED: Don't worry about a thing, Liv. Because every little thing is going to be alright. How do I know? Three little birds told me.
OLIVIA: I'm losing it! Ned's singing reggae and Lulu's cousin is in love with my son.
WYNDEMERE
LULU: Please let Valerie live here. Pretty, pretty please for your FAVORITE only sister. I promise she won't put a scalpel to anyone's throat. Come to think of it, with that skill set, she may be part Cassadine anyway.
NIKOLAS: Fine, as long as she stays out of the way when I'm having sex with women I barely know. On second thought...
LULU: Thank you thank you THANK YOU!
ELQ OFFICE
SONNY: Michael, I'm about to make an offer you can't refuse. Drop the charges against Morgan and Kiki and you get Avery back, no questions asked.
MICHAEL: And you'll back off of Walters?
SONNY: Well...
MICHAEL: Take it or leave it. Drop the appeal or Morgan and Kiki are going to the hoosegow.
SONNY: Deal.
CARLY: (carrying the baby): She's all yours, Michael.
MICHAEL: Hey little AJ! Big brother loves you so much and he promises never to tip your stroller over again.
HOSPITAL
DANTE: How's my mother?
VALERIE: She's being examined right now. I had her teleported here the SECOND she started having labor pains.
OLIVIA: Is my baby okay?
FELIX: I think you just had fake contractions. Your uterus is just having a dress rehearsal.
OLIVIA: Tell my uterus that practice doesn't always make perfect.
LULU: (sees Valerie hugging Dante) I can't move her into that castle soon enough.
Monday, April 27, 2015
Baby Came Back
So, Morgan, Kiki, Sonny & Carly know that Crypt Baby Avery is back in The Chuckles in one piece. Michael calls his cop brother Dante and he and Sabrina tell him that Morgan and Kiki drugged Michael. Michael also accuses Morgan & Kiki of kidnapping the baby. Sabrina & Michael grow closer and, predictably, end up kissing. Lulu takes Valerie to the MetroCourt and Valerie ends up offering to perform with Lulu, Maxie, & company at the Nurses' Ball because Lucy goes OCD and wants an even number of dancers. Sonny & Carly confront Kiki about drugging Michael. Franco talks to Liesl Obrecht on Nina's behalf while Nathan shows Nina security footage from right before Crypt Baby was kidnapped.
METROCOURT
SONNY: Guess what, Carly? Morgan and Kiki roofied Michael and that's why he lost custody of Avery.
CARLY: Say WHAAAAAAAAAAT?
SONNY: They switched his allergy pills with a drug that acts like a roofie and all he needed was one drink to get plastered.
CARLY: Damn that Morgan anyway. Now I know why he'll never be my favorite child. I'm going to go over to Silas's and strangle him and his little girlfriend too.
SONNY: I'm coming with.
HOSPITAL
FRANCO: Well, if it isn't the president of my fan club. Good to see ya, Dr. O!
LIESL: Franco! It is you! How I have missed your artistic genius. Vill you be coming back to vork as an art serapist?
FRANCO: 'Fraid not, Dr. O. I'm here to talk about Nina.
LIESL: Please, call me Leisl, liebchen. Vat about Nina?
FRANCO: She didn't kidnap Avery/AJ/Jaime/Crypt Baby or whatever she's called nowadays.
LIESL: Ze evidence says ozerwise, Franco. Zere is footage showing zat Nina took ze baby.
FRANCO & NINA'S SUITE
NATHAN: I really hate to tell you this, Nina, but I have footage linking you to the baby's kidnapping.
NINA: You still think I did it. Man, you kidnap an adorable little baby one time and everybody just makes assumptions about you.
NATHAN: Would you like to see the footage.
NINA: Well, yeah. That way I can prove my innocence. I didn't take that baby, Jay.
METROCOURT
LULU: Carly, remember Valerie? The one whose mom just died?
CARLY: Hi Valerie, bye Valerie. Gotta go strangle my son.
LULU: Sonny, this is--
SONNY: I've gotta go stop her from committing murder and getting herself thrown in Pentonville.
VALERIE: THAT was interesting.
LULU: That's Port Chuckles for you.
VALERIE: Is Sonny Dante's father? Dante is so amazing and so hot.
LULU: Well, duh! He IS my hubby. Which is why I think you will have a fabulous time living with my princely brother, especially since he sent his whackjob grandmother to live on an island in Greece.
VALERIE: About that, have you heard from him?
LULU: Oh look, a text. Lucy's OCD is acting up and she needs to have an even number of dancers for the Haunted Starlets number at the Nurses' Ball.
VALERIE: I'll totally do it. I'm actually kind of good at dancing.
LULU: Thinking, thinking, thinking...it's kind of last minute and you might throw us off.
VALERIE: I get it. You don't want Dante to see my mad dance moves. That's okay, I'll just leave town.
SILAS' APARTMENT
KIKI: Avery's back! How did she get here?
MORGAN: Good question. How DID she get here?
KIKI: OMG, little sis, I was SOOOOOOOO worried about you and feeling SOOOOOOO guilty for drugging Michael.
MORGAN: (answering door) Hey Mom. Look who's back?
CARLY: SCREW you, Morgan! YOU ROOFIED MY MOST FAVORITEST OF FAVORITE SONS!
MORGAN: So that's what this is all about? I did this all for Dad. I was trying to get Avery away from that son of a bitch Michael.
SONNY: Don't call you mother a bitch, Morgan!
CARLY: HE'S YOUR BROTHER, Morgan! How could you DO this to your perfect brother! He could have killed someone or, GOD FORBID himself.
KIKI: I'm so sorry, Carly. I am wracked with guilt.
CARLY: I'm SURE you are, Kiki. Remember when you used to LOVE MICHAEL?
MORGAN: How can you be so sure Mr. Perfect didn't kidnap Avery?
FRANCO & NINA'S SUITE
NATHAN: See, Nina? That's you looking through the blinds at Avery. Then the camera goes blank. Did you turn off the security cameras?
NINA: Jay, you're talking to your big sister here. Do you really believe I took baby AJ?
NATHAN: I want to believe you didn't. But this footage does not rule you out.
NINA: So looking through blinds now means kidnapping? Wow, has the world changed while I was in a mother-induced two-decade coma!
HOSPITAL
FRANCO: What about that dirty laundry you are hiding from Nina, that she told me you told he she didn't even know about?
LIESL: You must know, Franco, zat I can be as good at mind games as you. I vas just trying to get Nina to confess to taking zat baby.
FRANCO: What is this evidence you have against Nina? Would you mind engaging me in a little game of show and tell?
LIESL: Vy of course, Franco, if zat means vat I sink zat means.
FRANCO: It means, let's go to the videotape.
METROCOURT
LULU: I just texted Lucy to tell her you'd do it.
VALERIE: So you actually WANT me to be in the Nurses' Ball with you now.
LULU: Yes, I do. We're cousins. As long as there is a castle with a moat between you and Dante, we'll get along just fine.
ELQ OFFICE
DANTE: You're saying Morgan drugged you with these pills.
MICHAEL: He switched my allergy meds for these, which act like roofies. That's why I went postal in the MetroCourt lobby and knocked over my baby sister's stroller.
DANTE: That's a relief. I'm glad to know my brother's not losing it. But my other brother, he's kinda got hoodlum written all over him.
MICHAEL: I couldn't agree more. That's why he and Kiki kidnapped AJ.
DANTE: You've got evidence?
MICHAEL: No, but they had means, motive, and opportunity.
DANTE: Sorry, Michael, but I need real evidence.
MICHAEL: Maybe you can find some when you arrest them for drugging me.
SILAS'S APARTMENT
MORGAN: We are NOT calling Dante. He sees us with the baby, we're screwed.
CARLY: Avery has been found, Morgan. The police need to call off the search.
KIKI: I'm with your mom on this one, even though she kinda hates me right now.
DANTE: (in the hallway) Open up, Morgan. Police!
ELQ OFFICE
MICHAEL: Thank you, Sabrina, for getting those pills checked out. I could totally kiss you right now.
SABRINA: Michael, you have been so nice to me and stood up for me when Kiki was calling me a psycho. I could totally kiss you right now too. (Sabrina & Michael kiss)
FRANCO & NINA'S SUITE
FRANCO: Nina? Nina? Are you here? (to himself) Coast is clear. You can search the purse any day now.
NINA: Step. Away. From. The. Purse.
METROCOURT
SONNY: Guess what, Carly? Morgan and Kiki roofied Michael and that's why he lost custody of Avery.
CARLY: Say WHAAAAAAAAAAT?
SONNY: They switched his allergy pills with a drug that acts like a roofie and all he needed was one drink to get plastered.
CARLY: Damn that Morgan anyway. Now I know why he'll never be my favorite child. I'm going to go over to Silas's and strangle him and his little girlfriend too.
SONNY: I'm coming with.
HOSPITAL
FRANCO: Well, if it isn't the president of my fan club. Good to see ya, Dr. O!
LIESL: Franco! It is you! How I have missed your artistic genius. Vill you be coming back to vork as an art serapist?
FRANCO: 'Fraid not, Dr. O. I'm here to talk about Nina.
LIESL: Please, call me Leisl, liebchen. Vat about Nina?
FRANCO: She didn't kidnap Avery/AJ/Jaime/Crypt Baby or whatever she's called nowadays.
LIESL: Ze evidence says ozerwise, Franco. Zere is footage showing zat Nina took ze baby.
FRANCO & NINA'S SUITE
NATHAN: I really hate to tell you this, Nina, but I have footage linking you to the baby's kidnapping.
NINA: You still think I did it. Man, you kidnap an adorable little baby one time and everybody just makes assumptions about you.
NATHAN: Would you like to see the footage.
NINA: Well, yeah. That way I can prove my innocence. I didn't take that baby, Jay.
METROCOURT
LULU: Carly, remember Valerie? The one whose mom just died?
CARLY: Hi Valerie, bye Valerie. Gotta go strangle my son.
LULU: Sonny, this is--
SONNY: I've gotta go stop her from committing murder and getting herself thrown in Pentonville.
VALERIE: THAT was interesting.
LULU: That's Port Chuckles for you.
VALERIE: Is Sonny Dante's father? Dante is so amazing and so hot.
LULU: Well, duh! He IS my hubby. Which is why I think you will have a fabulous time living with my princely brother, especially since he sent his whackjob grandmother to live on an island in Greece.
VALERIE: About that, have you heard from him?
LULU: Oh look, a text. Lucy's OCD is acting up and she needs to have an even number of dancers for the Haunted Starlets number at the Nurses' Ball.
VALERIE: I'll totally do it. I'm actually kind of good at dancing.
LULU: Thinking, thinking, thinking...it's kind of last minute and you might throw us off.
VALERIE: I get it. You don't want Dante to see my mad dance moves. That's okay, I'll just leave town.
SILAS' APARTMENT
KIKI: Avery's back! How did she get here?
MORGAN: Good question. How DID she get here?
KIKI: OMG, little sis, I was SOOOOOOOO worried about you and feeling SOOOOOOO guilty for drugging Michael.
MORGAN: (answering door) Hey Mom. Look who's back?
CARLY: SCREW you, Morgan! YOU ROOFIED MY MOST FAVORITEST OF FAVORITE SONS!
MORGAN: So that's what this is all about? I did this all for Dad. I was trying to get Avery away from that son of a bitch Michael.
SONNY: Don't call you mother a bitch, Morgan!
CARLY: HE'S YOUR BROTHER, Morgan! How could you DO this to your perfect brother! He could have killed someone or, GOD FORBID himself.
KIKI: I'm so sorry, Carly. I am wracked with guilt.
CARLY: I'm SURE you are, Kiki. Remember when you used to LOVE MICHAEL?
MORGAN: How can you be so sure Mr. Perfect didn't kidnap Avery?
FRANCO & NINA'S SUITE
NATHAN: See, Nina? That's you looking through the blinds at Avery. Then the camera goes blank. Did you turn off the security cameras?
NINA: Jay, you're talking to your big sister here. Do you really believe I took baby AJ?
NATHAN: I want to believe you didn't. But this footage does not rule you out.
NINA: So looking through blinds now means kidnapping? Wow, has the world changed while I was in a mother-induced two-decade coma!
HOSPITAL
FRANCO: What about that dirty laundry you are hiding from Nina, that she told me you told he she didn't even know about?
LIESL: You must know, Franco, zat I can be as good at mind games as you. I vas just trying to get Nina to confess to taking zat baby.
FRANCO: What is this evidence you have against Nina? Would you mind engaging me in a little game of show and tell?
LIESL: Vy of course, Franco, if zat means vat I sink zat means.
FRANCO: It means, let's go to the videotape.
METROCOURT
LULU: I just texted Lucy to tell her you'd do it.
VALERIE: So you actually WANT me to be in the Nurses' Ball with you now.
LULU: Yes, I do. We're cousins. As long as there is a castle with a moat between you and Dante, we'll get along just fine.
ELQ OFFICE
DANTE: You're saying Morgan drugged you with these pills.
MICHAEL: He switched my allergy meds for these, which act like roofies. That's why I went postal in the MetroCourt lobby and knocked over my baby sister's stroller.
DANTE: That's a relief. I'm glad to know my brother's not losing it. But my other brother, he's kinda got hoodlum written all over him.
MICHAEL: I couldn't agree more. That's why he and Kiki kidnapped AJ.
DANTE: You've got evidence?
MICHAEL: No, but they had means, motive, and opportunity.
DANTE: Sorry, Michael, but I need real evidence.
MICHAEL: Maybe you can find some when you arrest them for drugging me.
SILAS'S APARTMENT
MORGAN: We are NOT calling Dante. He sees us with the baby, we're screwed.
CARLY: Avery has been found, Morgan. The police need to call off the search.
KIKI: I'm with your mom on this one, even though she kinda hates me right now.
DANTE: (in the hallway) Open up, Morgan. Police!
ELQ OFFICE
MICHAEL: Thank you, Sabrina, for getting those pills checked out. I could totally kiss you right now.
SABRINA: Michael, you have been so nice to me and stood up for me when Kiki was calling me a psycho. I could totally kiss you right now too. (Sabrina & Michael kiss)
FRANCO & NINA'S SUITE
FRANCO: Nina? Nina? Are you here? (to himself) Coast is clear. You can search the purse any day now.
NINA: Step. Away. From. The. Purse.
Friday, April 24, 2015
The Return of Crypt Baby
Crypt Baby reappears just as mysteriously as she disappeared. Alien abduction? Hayden is freaked to find Carrrrrrrrlos in her hotel room with a sniper rifle (who wouldn't be?). Jordan is shot at by Bruce, but Anna warns her in time to move out of the way. Carly tries to warn Jake about Hayden but Anna interrupts. Michael accuses Morgan and Kiki of The Great Allergy Medicine Switcheroo. Nathan and Silas discuss Silas's mystery patient.
ELQ OFFICE
MICHAEL: I know you drugged me, Morgan. Don't waste your breath denying it.
MORGAN: All I hear about all the time is how great Mikey is at this or how he can do no wrong. Mikey, Mikey, Mikey!
SONNY: Morgan, stop quoting sitcoms from 20 years before you were born.
MICHAEL: What if I followed in my dad's footsteps and drove my car into a tree with AJ in it?
MORGAN: But you didn't. Avery is fine.
MICHAEL: Except she's MISSING!
MORGAN: I did it for you, Dad.
SONNY: You put my little girl in danger all for me, Morgan? You shouldn't have. Really, you shouldn't. If anything happens to her, you're DEAD TO ME!
HAYDEN'S ROOM
HAYDEN: Well this is a first. You're the first guy in Port Chuckles that I don't want to have sex with.
CARLOS: I'm hurt.
HAYDEN: I'm calling the cops.
CARLOS: I'm Jake's work buddy.
HAYDEN: Do you always take a sniper rifle when you visit your co-workers?
CARLOS: You're funny.
HAYDEN: Get lost or I'll call the cops for real.
PIER
ANNA: Lookout, Jordan! You're being shot at!
JORDAN: Ow, my ankle!
ANNA: He aimed that low?
JORDAN: I twisted it jumping out of the way.
ANNA, JORDAN, and BRUCE exchange gunshots. No one gets hurt.
JORDAN: Who was that?
ANNA: I dunno. He got away.
JORDAN: It must be one of Julian's men.
METROCOURT
TJ: Where's Mom? I have to tell her Duke's picking up the tab for my tuition.
SHAWN: She's probably busy. Don't you have to study?
JORDAN: TJ, what a surprise seeing you in a dining establishment other than Kelly's!
TJ: Guess what, Mom? Duke's paying for me to finish school! Isn't that super awesome?
JORDAN: Um, thank you, Duke! This is, um, unexpected.
DUKE: (to himself) Tell me about it.
GARAGE
JAKE: (On phone) Ever heard of patience, Sloane? Jerome is very tight-lipped.
SLOANE: Find out the target or find yourself in a cell block.
JAKE: What am I supposed to do, bug his garage?
SLOANE: That's a start.
ELQ OFFICE
MICHAEL: Sabrina, thank you for saving my ass by having those pills tested.
SABRINA: You're welcome! I can't believe your little brother and his girlfriend set you up like that. So much for brotherly love. He is totally jealous of you.
MICHAEL: Jealous? You mean because Sonny and Carly think I'm the second coming?
SABRINA: That might have something to do with it.
GARAGE
CARLY: Jake, you are going to stand there and you are going to listen to me tell you that your wife is totally bogus.
JAKE: Where have I heard that before?
CARLY: Jake, for crying out loud can you hear me out?
ANNA: Mr. Barnes, I need to speak with you and YOU alone.
CARLY: Like that's ever stopped me.
ANNA: Carly, scram!
CARLY: Jake, we are NOT finished.
ANNA: So, do you know who did it?
JAKE: Did what?
ANNA: There was a shooting down at the pier. Didn't Julian fill you in on who he's gunning for?
JAKE: That's above my pay grade. I just fix carburetors and plunge the garage toilet.
ANNA: Why am I not convinced?
JAKE: I don't fit the plumber mold? I don't look like a grease monkey?
ANNA: Don't tell me Julian hasn't utilized your skill in badassery.
JAKE: He has, but that doesn't mean I'm in his circle of trust yet.
HOSPITAL
NATHAN: So how's that mystery patient of yours?
SILAS: No longer among the living.
NATHAN: Damn, cancer is a total bummer.
SILAS: That's one way of putting it.
NATHAN: Look, sorry about interrogating you while you were treating your patient.
SILAS: You were just doing your job. Any other leads on Avery?
NATHAN: As a matter of fact, my mother summoned me into her office to talk about a lead.
SILAS' APARTMENT
KIKI: She's back!
AVERY: Well, DUH!
ELQ OFFICE
MICHAEL: I know you drugged me, Morgan. Don't waste your breath denying it.
MORGAN: All I hear about all the time is how great Mikey is at this or how he can do no wrong. Mikey, Mikey, Mikey!
SONNY: Morgan, stop quoting sitcoms from 20 years before you were born.
MICHAEL: What if I followed in my dad's footsteps and drove my car into a tree with AJ in it?
MORGAN: But you didn't. Avery is fine.
MICHAEL: Except she's MISSING!
MORGAN: I did it for you, Dad.
SONNY: You put my little girl in danger all for me, Morgan? You shouldn't have. Really, you shouldn't. If anything happens to her, you're DEAD TO ME!
HAYDEN'S ROOM
HAYDEN: Well this is a first. You're the first guy in Port Chuckles that I don't want to have sex with.
CARLOS: I'm hurt.
HAYDEN: I'm calling the cops.
CARLOS: I'm Jake's work buddy.
HAYDEN: Do you always take a sniper rifle when you visit your co-workers?
CARLOS: You're funny.
HAYDEN: Get lost or I'll call the cops for real.
PIER
ANNA: Lookout, Jordan! You're being shot at!
JORDAN: Ow, my ankle!
ANNA: He aimed that low?
JORDAN: I twisted it jumping out of the way.
ANNA, JORDAN, and BRUCE exchange gunshots. No one gets hurt.
JORDAN: Who was that?
ANNA: I dunno. He got away.
JORDAN: It must be one of Julian's men.
METROCOURT
TJ: Where's Mom? I have to tell her Duke's picking up the tab for my tuition.
SHAWN: She's probably busy. Don't you have to study?
JORDAN: TJ, what a surprise seeing you in a dining establishment other than Kelly's!
TJ: Guess what, Mom? Duke's paying for me to finish school! Isn't that super awesome?
JORDAN: Um, thank you, Duke! This is, um, unexpected.
DUKE: (to himself) Tell me about it.
GARAGE
JAKE: (On phone) Ever heard of patience, Sloane? Jerome is very tight-lipped.
SLOANE: Find out the target or find yourself in a cell block.
JAKE: What am I supposed to do, bug his garage?
SLOANE: That's a start.
ELQ OFFICE
MICHAEL: Sabrina, thank you for saving my ass by having those pills tested.
SABRINA: You're welcome! I can't believe your little brother and his girlfriend set you up like that. So much for brotherly love. He is totally jealous of you.
MICHAEL: Jealous? You mean because Sonny and Carly think I'm the second coming?
SABRINA: That might have something to do with it.
GARAGE
CARLY: Jake, you are going to stand there and you are going to listen to me tell you that your wife is totally bogus.
JAKE: Where have I heard that before?
CARLY: Jake, for crying out loud can you hear me out?
ANNA: Mr. Barnes, I need to speak with you and YOU alone.
CARLY: Like that's ever stopped me.
ANNA: Carly, scram!
CARLY: Jake, we are NOT finished.
ANNA: So, do you know who did it?
JAKE: Did what?
ANNA: There was a shooting down at the pier. Didn't Julian fill you in on who he's gunning for?
JAKE: That's above my pay grade. I just fix carburetors and plunge the garage toilet.
ANNA: Why am I not convinced?
JAKE: I don't fit the plumber mold? I don't look like a grease monkey?
ANNA: Don't tell me Julian hasn't utilized your skill in badassery.
JAKE: He has, but that doesn't mean I'm in his circle of trust yet.
HOSPITAL
NATHAN: So how's that mystery patient of yours?
SILAS: No longer among the living.
NATHAN: Damn, cancer is a total bummer.
SILAS: That's one way of putting it.
NATHAN: Look, sorry about interrogating you while you were treating your patient.
SILAS: You were just doing your job. Any other leads on Avery?
NATHAN: As a matter of fact, my mother summoned me into her office to talk about a lead.
SILAS' APARTMENT
KIKI: She's back!
AVERY: Well, DUH!
Thursday, April 23, 2015
So Much Mobbery...
Carrrrrrrrlos is gunning for Duke. Bruce is gunning for Jordan. Anna is pressuring Jordan to keep doing the undercover cop thing. Jake tries in vain to squeeze the name of the Jerome target out of Julian. Sonny asks Michael if he has Crypt Baby stashed somewhere. Morgan blasts Kiki for telling Julian about drugging Michael. Felix runs tests on Michael's "allergy pills" Spinelli gives Carly an update on Operation Bust Hayden.
ELQ OFFICE
SONNY: Michael, where do you have my daughter stashed?
MICHAEL: You're accusing ME of kidnapping AJ?
SONNY: It's AVERY!
MICHAEL: It's AJ! I named her after the father YOU took away from me, remember?
SILAS' APARTMENT
KIKI: I kinda told Uncle Julian about us drugging Michael.
MORGAN: You did WHAAAAAAAT?
KIKI: I had a guilty conscience.
MORGAN: We could get sent to Pentonville if word gets out about what we did.
KIKI: Hello? My uncle is a mobster just like your dad. Mobsters hate cops. Therefore, Uncle Julian won't rat us out.
MORGAN: So what do we do now?
KIKI: We switch his pills back.
MORGAN: Great. What better way to say "It was us" than be seen switching pill bottles? Should we put an ad in your uncle's paper too?
KIKI: Not if no one sees us doing it.
GARAGE
JAKE: So, tell me, Julian, who's getting plugged?
JULIAN: It's cute that you think I'm just going to tell you.
JAKE: Don't you trust me? Is my face not the most trustworthy face you have ever laid eyes on?
JULIAN: You're going to have fix a lot more carburetors before I let you in on my hit list.
METROCOURT
SHAWN: So, Jordan and I are making it official. We're in lurve!
DUKE: (to himself) Not for long (to Shawn) Is that so?
SHAWN: She's proven to me where her loyalties lie. I'm sorry I ever doubted her and told you I thought she was a cop.
DUKE: (to himself) You don't know the half of it (to Shawn) It's always a good idea to cover your bases.
TJ: Shawn, where's Mom? PCU is putting the squeeze on me and I need money, like, yesterday.
DUKE: I'll give you money (to himself) to make up for my ordering your mother's execution.
TJ: For real? You'll give me money for school?
DUKE: It's for your education. Why not? (to himself) This hit is getting really expensive, really fast.
TJ & SHAWN: Thanks, Duke.
HOSPITAL
SABRINA (on the phone) Carrrrrrrlos, you've got mail.
CARLOS: Thank you, Querida. How are you. How's thinks with your drunk boss?
SABRINA: Michael is not a drunk. He is a nice person, at least he is to me. Besides, your boss is a mobster.
CARLOS: Be careful, Sabrrrrrrrrrina.
FELIX: You were right. Michael was drugged.
SABRINA: Thanks, Felix.
PIER
JORDAN: I quit.
ANNA: Where have I heard that before?
JORDAN: Shawn and I are a thing. I'm tired of us being on opposite sides. This undercover cop thing ends now.
ANNA: If you quit, you put a target on Shawn's back. He is the only member of the Duke mob that I have evidence on.
JORDAN: So it's my integrity in my relationship with Shawn or his freedom. Where does YOUR main squeeze fit into all of this?
ANNA: I have a hunch that the Julian mob has it in for him.
ELQ OFFICE
SABRINA: Michael, you were not drunk. You were roofied.
MICHAEL: I bet I know who did it.
SONNY: Don't look at me!
MICHAEL: I actually think you're innocent of this particular crime, Sonny.
SONNY: Then who do you think drugged you?
(In walk Morgan and Kiki)
MICHAEL: You're looking at them.
METROCOURT
SPINELLI: Greetings, Carly! I bring with me a wealth of valuable information about our mysterious co-conspirator.
CARLY: Spit it out, Spinelli.
SPINELLI: (Shows Carly a picture of Pete/Fake Jake on his laptop)
CARLY: OMG, this is the guy in Hayden's fake wedding picture!
SPINELLI: Come again? I know nothing of said photograph.
CARLY: We're going on a little field trip.
HAYDEN'S ROOM
CARLY: See! That's the guy. That's our Fake Jake.
SPINELLI: This is a most fascinating development. It is indeed the man by the name of Pete Ross.
CARLY: So snapping a pic of this to shove in Hayden's face.
CARLOS: Ready. Aim...
PIER
BRUCE: Ready. Aim...
ELQ OFFICE
SONNY: Michael, where do you have my daughter stashed?
MICHAEL: You're accusing ME of kidnapping AJ?
SONNY: It's AVERY!
MICHAEL: It's AJ! I named her after the father YOU took away from me, remember?
SILAS' APARTMENT
KIKI: I kinda told Uncle Julian about us drugging Michael.
MORGAN: You did WHAAAAAAAT?
KIKI: I had a guilty conscience.
MORGAN: We could get sent to Pentonville if word gets out about what we did.
KIKI: Hello? My uncle is a mobster just like your dad. Mobsters hate cops. Therefore, Uncle Julian won't rat us out.
MORGAN: So what do we do now?
KIKI: We switch his pills back.
MORGAN: Great. What better way to say "It was us" than be seen switching pill bottles? Should we put an ad in your uncle's paper too?
KIKI: Not if no one sees us doing it.
GARAGE
JAKE: So, tell me, Julian, who's getting plugged?
JULIAN: It's cute that you think I'm just going to tell you.
JAKE: Don't you trust me? Is my face not the most trustworthy face you have ever laid eyes on?
JULIAN: You're going to have fix a lot more carburetors before I let you in on my hit list.
METROCOURT
SHAWN: So, Jordan and I are making it official. We're in lurve!
DUKE: (to himself) Not for long (to Shawn) Is that so?
SHAWN: She's proven to me where her loyalties lie. I'm sorry I ever doubted her and told you I thought she was a cop.
DUKE: (to himself) You don't know the half of it (to Shawn) It's always a good idea to cover your bases.
TJ: Shawn, where's Mom? PCU is putting the squeeze on me and I need money, like, yesterday.
DUKE: I'll give you money (to himself) to make up for my ordering your mother's execution.
TJ: For real? You'll give me money for school?
DUKE: It's for your education. Why not? (to himself) This hit is getting really expensive, really fast.
TJ & SHAWN: Thanks, Duke.
HOSPITAL
SABRINA (on the phone) Carrrrrrrlos, you've got mail.
CARLOS: Thank you, Querida. How are you. How's thinks with your drunk boss?
SABRINA: Michael is not a drunk. He is a nice person, at least he is to me. Besides, your boss is a mobster.
CARLOS: Be careful, Sabrrrrrrrrrina.
FELIX: You were right. Michael was drugged.
SABRINA: Thanks, Felix.
PIER
JORDAN: I quit.
ANNA: Where have I heard that before?
JORDAN: Shawn and I are a thing. I'm tired of us being on opposite sides. This undercover cop thing ends now.
ANNA: If you quit, you put a target on Shawn's back. He is the only member of the Duke mob that I have evidence on.
JORDAN: So it's my integrity in my relationship with Shawn or his freedom. Where does YOUR main squeeze fit into all of this?
ANNA: I have a hunch that the Julian mob has it in for him.
ELQ OFFICE
SABRINA: Michael, you were not drunk. You were roofied.
MICHAEL: I bet I know who did it.
SONNY: Don't look at me!
MICHAEL: I actually think you're innocent of this particular crime, Sonny.
SONNY: Then who do you think drugged you?
(In walk Morgan and Kiki)
MICHAEL: You're looking at them.
METROCOURT
SPINELLI: Greetings, Carly! I bring with me a wealth of valuable information about our mysterious co-conspirator.
CARLY: Spit it out, Spinelli.
SPINELLI: (Shows Carly a picture of Pete/Fake Jake on his laptop)
CARLY: OMG, this is the guy in Hayden's fake wedding picture!
SPINELLI: Come again? I know nothing of said photograph.
CARLY: We're going on a little field trip.
HAYDEN'S ROOM
CARLY: See! That's the guy. That's our Fake Jake.
SPINELLI: This is a most fascinating development. It is indeed the man by the name of Pete Ross.
CARLY: So snapping a pic of this to shove in Hayden's face.
CARLOS: Ready. Aim...
PIER
BRUCE: Ready. Aim...
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Duke's Goon Has A Name
A dramatic soap reveal! Duke's goon does indeed have a name! At least a first name. The man with the assignment to off Jordan Ashford goes by the name Bruce. Lots of mobular action today, with Duke putting the hit on Jordan and Julian putting the hit on Duke. Business as usual for the Port Chuckles underworld. Unaware of Duke's murderous plans for her, Jordan and Shawn declare their love for each other after sex and breakfast. Lucy is working 9-year-old Emma to the bone in Nurses' Ball rehearsals, so she's not home when Anna drops by to see her and give her Girl Scout cookie money. Sam has an epiphany when Spinelli enlarges the photo of Fake Jake and Hayden. Sloane puts the squeeze on Jake to cough up information about Julian's planned mob hit.
METROCOURT
DUKE: Bruce, what SHALL we do about Jordan Ashford?
BRUCE: You gotta plug her, dude.
DUKE: I know, but she has a kid and she's Shawn's main squeeze. But you're right, she must be silenced.
BRUCE: Now you're talking. When do you want me to do the dirty deed?
DUKE: Today. Now get on with it.
GARAGE
JULIAN: Why is Duke still registering a pulse?
CARLOS: I haven't gotten around to offin' him yet.
JULIAN: I've never known you to be the procrastinating type.
CARLOS: But his goon, Bruce Whatshisname is always by his side.
JULIAN: Two words: MetroCourt terrace.
CARLOS: Ain't no way Carly gives me a room. She's on Team Corrrrrinthos.
JULIAN: Hello? Use Jake's room. You know, the guy who put a smackdown on you when you got all up in Carly's business.
PATRICK'S HOUSE
ANNA: Where is my lovely granddaughter?
PATRICK: Two words: Lucy Coe
ANNA: Oh yes, her.
PATRICK: Sorry to bring her name up. I know she and Duke are kind of a thing now.
ANNA: So I hear Sam and Danny moved in.
PATRICK: Yeah, I hope that's cool with you, you being Robin's mom and all.
ANNA: My daughter is making the most peculiar decisions lately and I can't expect you to wait around for her. If Sam makes you happy, then I'm happy for you.
JAKE'S HOTEL ROOM
SLOANE: Hey, Jake, you're falling down on the job. I need the name of the dude Julian's gunning for.
JAKE: I guess patience is a foreign concept to you.
SLOANE: If you don't come up with this guy's name YESTERDAY, I'm throwing your ass in priosn!
JAKE: My supposed skill set works both ways, Commish, and I don't like being threatened.
KELLY'S
SPINELLI: It appears that the party who will most benefit from my investigation is none too thrilled that I am investigating his so-called wife.
SAM: Very interesting. Jake seems to think this woman is on the up and up. What do you think?
SPINELLI: I am not so convinced of the alleged Mrs. Barnes' legitimacy. She has acquired quite the windfall recently. I managed to overhear her shaking one mysterious fellow's hand. Unfortunately, my photography skills are not on par with my skills in investigation, so the only photograph I managed did not include said benefactor's face.
SAM: Zoom in. He's wearing some sort of class ring.
SPINELLI: You are most correct, fair Samantha.
SAM: Voila! Now use your hacking mojo to get into the school database and find a picture of him.
SPINELLI: (looking through yearbook pictures on the college website) No, No, No, No, YES! Pete Ross. Eureka!
SAM: McCall and Jackal still got it!
SHAWN'S APARTMENT
JORDAN: Mmmm! Breakfast! All that sex was making me hungry.
SHAWN: They don't call me a short-order cook for nothing.
JORDAN: What did I do to deserve this?
SHAWN: Just be an amazing woman and mother to TJ.
JORDAN: I don't deserve this (to herself) especially since I'm lying to you about not being an undercover cop.
SHAWN: I love you, Jordan.
JORDAN: Wow, that came out of the blue. You know what? I love you too, Shawn. Let's celebrate by going to the Nurses' Ball together.
METROCOURT
SHAWN: So, what's this about sending your goon away?
DUKE: Goons need to use the loo too, you know.
METROCOURT
DUKE: Bruce, what SHALL we do about Jordan Ashford?
BRUCE: You gotta plug her, dude.
DUKE: I know, but she has a kid and she's Shawn's main squeeze. But you're right, she must be silenced.
BRUCE: Now you're talking. When do you want me to do the dirty deed?
DUKE: Today. Now get on with it.
GARAGE
JULIAN: Why is Duke still registering a pulse?
CARLOS: I haven't gotten around to offin' him yet.
JULIAN: I've never known you to be the procrastinating type.
CARLOS: But his goon, Bruce Whatshisname is always by his side.
JULIAN: Two words: MetroCourt terrace.
CARLOS: Ain't no way Carly gives me a room. She's on Team Corrrrrinthos.
JULIAN: Hello? Use Jake's room. You know, the guy who put a smackdown on you when you got all up in Carly's business.
PATRICK'S HOUSE
ANNA: Where is my lovely granddaughter?
PATRICK: Two words: Lucy Coe
ANNA: Oh yes, her.
PATRICK: Sorry to bring her name up. I know she and Duke are kind of a thing now.
ANNA: So I hear Sam and Danny moved in.
PATRICK: Yeah, I hope that's cool with you, you being Robin's mom and all.
ANNA: My daughter is making the most peculiar decisions lately and I can't expect you to wait around for her. If Sam makes you happy, then I'm happy for you.
JAKE'S HOTEL ROOM
SLOANE: Hey, Jake, you're falling down on the job. I need the name of the dude Julian's gunning for.
JAKE: I guess patience is a foreign concept to you.
SLOANE: If you don't come up with this guy's name YESTERDAY, I'm throwing your ass in priosn!
JAKE: My supposed skill set works both ways, Commish, and I don't like being threatened.
KELLY'S
SPINELLI: It appears that the party who will most benefit from my investigation is none too thrilled that I am investigating his so-called wife.
SAM: Very interesting. Jake seems to think this woman is on the up and up. What do you think?
SPINELLI: I am not so convinced of the alleged Mrs. Barnes' legitimacy. She has acquired quite the windfall recently. I managed to overhear her shaking one mysterious fellow's hand. Unfortunately, my photography skills are not on par with my skills in investigation, so the only photograph I managed did not include said benefactor's face.
SAM: Zoom in. He's wearing some sort of class ring.
SPINELLI: You are most correct, fair Samantha.
SAM: Voila! Now use your hacking mojo to get into the school database and find a picture of him.
SPINELLI: (looking through yearbook pictures on the college website) No, No, No, No, YES! Pete Ross. Eureka!
SAM: McCall and Jackal still got it!
SHAWN'S APARTMENT
JORDAN: Mmmm! Breakfast! All that sex was making me hungry.
SHAWN: They don't call me a short-order cook for nothing.
JORDAN: What did I do to deserve this?
SHAWN: Just be an amazing woman and mother to TJ.
JORDAN: I don't deserve this (to herself) especially since I'm lying to you about not being an undercover cop.
SHAWN: I love you, Jordan.
JORDAN: Wow, that came out of the blue. You know what? I love you too, Shawn. Let's celebrate by going to the Nurses' Ball together.
METROCOURT
SHAWN: So, what's this about sending your goon away?
DUKE: Goons need to use the loo too, you know.
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
Cousin Relocation Program
Lulu agrees with Dante that Valerie should stay in Port Chuckles, but not in their loft. Lucy's head spins when she learns that Ellie and Spinelli and Maxie and Nathan are no longer together. Nikolas explains how he got the ring, but leaves out the little detail about Jake being Jason. Carly confronts Hayden at the MetroCourt in front of Ric and Elizabeth. Hayden returns to Wyndemere for more sex with Nikolas. Spinelli asks for Sam's assistance on the Jake/Hayden case.
DANTE & LULU'S LOFT
LULU: Heading home, Cousin Valerie?
VALERIE: I was, but Dante convinced me to stay here instead.
DANTE: Damn straight I did. We're her family, Lulu.
LULU: You're right. We're family. I would love it if you stayed in town, but this place ain't big enough for the three of us, not to mention Rocco.
VALERIE: Well, I kind of have a cash flow problem right now.
LULU: How would you like to live in a castle on an island with a real prince? I'll call him right now.
DANTE: Nikolas and Valerie aren't even related. How about Carly?
LULU: Carly's house is full. Besides, who wouldn't want to live in a freakin' CASTLE?
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
SPINELLI: The whirlwind of a woman that is Lucy Coe desires that I perform at the Nurses' Ball with Ellie.
MAXIE: Said "whirlwind" wants me to walk down the red carpet with Nathan. She really needs to check her social media more often. Wait, did I forget to update my relationship status?
SPINELLI: Would it be terribly inappropriate for me to flaunt my marvel of science in the Magic Milo act?
MAXIE: Hate to break it to you, Spinelli, but Nathan kinda replaced you last year.
SPINELLI: Alas, I shall refrain. However, if I may suggest, you and I could do a number together, Maximista.
MAXIE: How fast can you come up with one and solve your case at the same time?
SPINELLI: You raise an excellent point. Carly is not in possession of much patience.
MAXIE: Remember how you used to work with Sam?
SPINELLI: As usual, Maximista, your cleverness is much appreciated!
KELLY'S
LUCY: OMG! As I live and breathe, it's Ellie Trout! You MUST MUST MUST perform at the Nurses' Ball with Spinelli.
ELLIE: Unfortunately, that will not be possible, for Damien and I no longer find our cosmic forces in alignment.
LUCY: Say WHAAAAAAAAAT? You two were EXPLOSIVE at the '13 ball. You BLIND each other with SCIENCE! You were MEANT TO BE!
ELLIE: I wish that were so, Lucy.
LUCY: How about you, Nathan? Will you and Maxie be walking down that carpet like the two stunningly gorgeous creatures you are? Will you, will you, WILL YOU????
NATHAN: I'm afraid not. Maxie and I are history.
LUCY: What is this universe coming to? Everything is all cattywompus, topsy-turvy, and COMPLETELY out of whack! Ellie & Spinelli, Maxie & Nathan. Head for the hills, THE APOCALYPSE IS NIGH!
NATHAN: I'm really sorry we threw your universe into a tailspin, Lucy.
ELLIE: I must inform you that Damien has reunited with Maxie.
LUCY: Well, well WELL! You and Nathan need to get together to MAKE THEM JEALOUS!
ELLIE: We have barely become acquainted.
LUCY: Fine, then be good friends and walk down the red carpet at the Nurses' Ball together.
NATHAN: I'm up for it.
PATRICK'S HOUSE
NIKOLAS: Spencer got the ring from me. Technically he stole it from my safe, but I put it in that safe in the first place.
PATRICK: But how did the ring end up in your hands?
NIKOLAS: My grandmother gave it to me. She got her hands on it at Crighton Clark and gave it to me right before I sent her packing.
SAM: And you didn't give it to me 2 months ago because...
NIKOLAS: It was the day Spencer got burned in the fire.
SAM: So THAT'S what you wanted to tell me when I went up to Boston to see you.
NIKOLAS: (fingers crossed behind back) That's it.
PATRICK: Thanks for clearing that up.
JAKE: It's been a long day.
PATRICK: I'll take you home so you don't go on any more motorcycle rides with my girlfriend.
METROCOURT
LIZ: Carly, what were you all up in Ric's business about earlier?
CARLY: Do I need a REASON to be up in the business of the guy who locked me in a panic room?
RIC: Again with the panic room.
CARLY: Oh, look who I see. It's HAYDEN! (Walks over to the door and grabs Hayden's arm) Hayden, I have someone I want to introduce you to.
HAYDEN: Let go of my arm you bitch!
CARLY: Hayden, meet Elizabeth's boyfriend Ric. Ric, this is Jake's "wife" Hayden Barnes. Or have you met before?
HAYDEN: My husband told me about Ric and how he hates his guts.
RIC: Elizabeth told me about how she showed up out of nowhere claiming to be Jake's hubby.
CARLY: So, Hayden, how are things in the sac with ol' Jake?
HAYDEN: We have definitely got our husband-and-wife on, if you know what I mean.
CARLY: That's interesting. Jake told me otherwise. He compared getting it on with you to having sex with a stranger.
RIC: Thanks, Carly, for ruining mine and Elizabeth's dinner by interrogating this woman about her sex life.
CARLY: She was all too happy to oblige, weren't you, HAYDEN?
PATRICK'S HOUSE
SAM: (on the phone with Spinelli) I'd be happy to help, Spinelli. It's been too long since we worked on a case together.
SPINELLI: I am most delighted! Expedience is of the utmost priority, as you are most aware of Carly's impatience.
SAM: I know Carly, alright. Let's meet tomorrow and come up with a plan.
WYNDEMERE
HAYDEN: I'm baaaaaaaack! Let's do the wild monkey dance together.
NIKOLAS: My phone is ringing.
HAYDEN: Ever heard of voicemail? Sex. Now. Please.
NIKOLAS: Since you asked nicely...
KELLY'S
ELLIE: I am most uncomfortable with this notion of walking down the red carpet together.
NATHAN: I'm not. Lucy had a point about making Maxie and Spinelli jealous. What better way to say "C'est la vie" than going to the Nurses' Ball together?
ELLIE: I concord.
METROCOURT
RIC: Let's get out of here, Elizabeth. This dinner date has been officially Carlyed.
LIZ: Why would Hayden lie about having sex with Jake?
RIC: Because she's a nymphomaniac?
JAKE: I need a drink.
CARLY: Still pining over Elizabeth, I see.
JAKE: I am a married man.
CARLY: We'll see about that.
DANTE & LULU'S LOFT
LULU: Heading home, Cousin Valerie?
VALERIE: I was, but Dante convinced me to stay here instead.
DANTE: Damn straight I did. We're her family, Lulu.
LULU: You're right. We're family. I would love it if you stayed in town, but this place ain't big enough for the three of us, not to mention Rocco.
VALERIE: Well, I kind of have a cash flow problem right now.
LULU: How would you like to live in a castle on an island with a real prince? I'll call him right now.
DANTE: Nikolas and Valerie aren't even related. How about Carly?
LULU: Carly's house is full. Besides, who wouldn't want to live in a freakin' CASTLE?
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
SPINELLI: The whirlwind of a woman that is Lucy Coe desires that I perform at the Nurses' Ball with Ellie.
MAXIE: Said "whirlwind" wants me to walk down the red carpet with Nathan. She really needs to check her social media more often. Wait, did I forget to update my relationship status?
SPINELLI: Would it be terribly inappropriate for me to flaunt my marvel of science in the Magic Milo act?
MAXIE: Hate to break it to you, Spinelli, but Nathan kinda replaced you last year.
SPINELLI: Alas, I shall refrain. However, if I may suggest, you and I could do a number together, Maximista.
MAXIE: How fast can you come up with one and solve your case at the same time?
SPINELLI: You raise an excellent point. Carly is not in possession of much patience.
MAXIE: Remember how you used to work with Sam?
SPINELLI: As usual, Maximista, your cleverness is much appreciated!
KELLY'S
LUCY: OMG! As I live and breathe, it's Ellie Trout! You MUST MUST MUST perform at the Nurses' Ball with Spinelli.
ELLIE: Unfortunately, that will not be possible, for Damien and I no longer find our cosmic forces in alignment.
LUCY: Say WHAAAAAAAAAT? You two were EXPLOSIVE at the '13 ball. You BLIND each other with SCIENCE! You were MEANT TO BE!
ELLIE: I wish that were so, Lucy.
LUCY: How about you, Nathan? Will you and Maxie be walking down that carpet like the two stunningly gorgeous creatures you are? Will you, will you, WILL YOU????
NATHAN: I'm afraid not. Maxie and I are history.
LUCY: What is this universe coming to? Everything is all cattywompus, topsy-turvy, and COMPLETELY out of whack! Ellie & Spinelli, Maxie & Nathan. Head for the hills, THE APOCALYPSE IS NIGH!
NATHAN: I'm really sorry we threw your universe into a tailspin, Lucy.
ELLIE: I must inform you that Damien has reunited with Maxie.
LUCY: Well, well WELL! You and Nathan need to get together to MAKE THEM JEALOUS!
ELLIE: We have barely become acquainted.
LUCY: Fine, then be good friends and walk down the red carpet at the Nurses' Ball together.
NATHAN: I'm up for it.
PATRICK'S HOUSE
NIKOLAS: Spencer got the ring from me. Technically he stole it from my safe, but I put it in that safe in the first place.
PATRICK: But how did the ring end up in your hands?
NIKOLAS: My grandmother gave it to me. She got her hands on it at Crighton Clark and gave it to me right before I sent her packing.
SAM: And you didn't give it to me 2 months ago because...
NIKOLAS: It was the day Spencer got burned in the fire.
SAM: So THAT'S what you wanted to tell me when I went up to Boston to see you.
NIKOLAS: (fingers crossed behind back) That's it.
PATRICK: Thanks for clearing that up.
JAKE: It's been a long day.
PATRICK: I'll take you home so you don't go on any more motorcycle rides with my girlfriend.
METROCOURT
LIZ: Carly, what were you all up in Ric's business about earlier?
CARLY: Do I need a REASON to be up in the business of the guy who locked me in a panic room?
RIC: Again with the panic room.
CARLY: Oh, look who I see. It's HAYDEN! (Walks over to the door and grabs Hayden's arm) Hayden, I have someone I want to introduce you to.
HAYDEN: Let go of my arm you bitch!
CARLY: Hayden, meet Elizabeth's boyfriend Ric. Ric, this is Jake's "wife" Hayden Barnes. Or have you met before?
HAYDEN: My husband told me about Ric and how he hates his guts.
RIC: Elizabeth told me about how she showed up out of nowhere claiming to be Jake's hubby.
CARLY: So, Hayden, how are things in the sac with ol' Jake?
HAYDEN: We have definitely got our husband-and-wife on, if you know what I mean.
CARLY: That's interesting. Jake told me otherwise. He compared getting it on with you to having sex with a stranger.
RIC: Thanks, Carly, for ruining mine and Elizabeth's dinner by interrogating this woman about her sex life.
CARLY: She was all too happy to oblige, weren't you, HAYDEN?
PATRICK'S HOUSE
SAM: (on the phone with Spinelli) I'd be happy to help, Spinelli. It's been too long since we worked on a case together.
SPINELLI: I am most delighted! Expedience is of the utmost priority, as you are most aware of Carly's impatience.
SAM: I know Carly, alright. Let's meet tomorrow and come up with a plan.
WYNDEMERE
HAYDEN: I'm baaaaaaaack! Let's do the wild monkey dance together.
NIKOLAS: My phone is ringing.
HAYDEN: Ever heard of voicemail? Sex. Now. Please.
NIKOLAS: Since you asked nicely...
KELLY'S
ELLIE: I am most uncomfortable with this notion of walking down the red carpet together.
NATHAN: I'm not. Lucy had a point about making Maxie and Spinelli jealous. What better way to say "C'est la vie" than going to the Nurses' Ball together?
ELLIE: I concord.
METROCOURT
RIC: Let's get out of here, Elizabeth. This dinner date has been officially Carlyed.
LIZ: Why would Hayden lie about having sex with Jake?
RIC: Because she's a nymphomaniac?
JAKE: I need a drink.
CARLY: Still pining over Elizabeth, I see.
JAKE: I am a married man.
CARLY: We'll see about that.
Monday, April 20, 2015
Fritta-ta-ta
Dante convinces Valerie not to depart The Chuckles while Lulu tells Maxie she wishes her newfound cuz would just skip town. Ellie has an awkward encounter with Nathan at Kelly's and they end up accusing each other of trying to break up each other's relationship. Just as Carly was about to accuse Ric of creating the fake wife ruse with Hayden, Spinelli tells her that he saw another man meeting with Hayden. Nikolas freaks when he finds Jason's wedding ring missing while Sam tells Jake and Patrick that the ring under the couch is Jason's.
DANTE & LULU'S APARTMENT
DANTE: Don't leave Port Chuckles, Valerie! Your long-lost family is here.
VALERIE: Lulu hates me.
DANTE: What about Bobbie, Lucas, & Carly?
VALERIE: They were pretty nice. I guess I'll stay.
DANTE: You made the right call. Now I need to take a shower, then get back to finding my baby sister.
VALERIE: One fritta-ta-ta coming up!
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
LULU: My cousin Valerie is driving me BANANAS!
MAXIE: Hold up! Since when do you have a cousin Valerie?
LULU: Since, like, five minutes ago. She tried to kill my dad.
MAXIE: Have we really not hung out for that long?
LULU: Totally. I still don't know whether you chose Nathan or Spinelli.
MAXIE: Spinelli, but Nathan broke up with me first. Until he showed up and tried to un-break up with me but it was too late. I was back with Spinelli.
ROCCO: Um, Hello? Where's Georgie? Totally thought this was a play date.
KELLY'S
ELLIE: Sincerest apologies for my momentary lack of hand-eye coordination!
NATHAN: No worries. It happens in this town more often than you'd think.
ELLIE: You possess a most impressive physique.
NATHAN: Thanks. Wait a minute, aren't you Ellie?
ELLIE: Your skill in correctly ascertaining my identity is also admirable.
NATHAN: It's all your fault that I lost Maxie. If you hadn't sent Spinelli after her, Maxie and I would still be together right now.
ELLIE: I merely desired to determine whether Damien was still in possession of feelings for the mother of his child. However, you saw it appropriate to end your relationship with Maxie so that Damien might once again seek her affections.
NATHAN: I saw Maxie, Spinelli, and Georgie as a family and I didn't want to mess with their loving family unit vibes so I stepped aside.
ELLIE: So what are we going to do now?
NATHAN: Either we reclaim the people we love or have sex and make them jealous. Your call.
METROCOURT
CARLY: Well if it isn't Slimy McSlimeball and Miss Ficklepants.
ELIZABETH: Mind your own business much, Carly?
RIC: What? Is Elizabeth supposed to sit at home alone pining for a married man?
CARLY: Well, that depends...
SPINELLI: I have a matter of the utmost urgency to discuss with you.
CARLY: Later, Spinelli.
SPINELLI: This matter waits for no man. I must converse with you at once.
DANTE & LULU'S APARTMENT
VALERIE: Voila! It's Fritta-ta-ta a la Patricia Spencer.
DANTE: That's like, Top Chef material.
VALERIE: My mom was an awesome cook. And she had this thing where she'd add an extra syllable to every dish just to make me laugh. I miss my mom so much!
DANTE: You and your mom had something really special. I totally get that. My mother is always making me cannolis.
VALERIE: You TOTALLY get me, Dante. I still can't believe my mom is gone!
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
MAXIE: If you ask me, I think you should kick your cuckoo cousin to the curb.
LULU: I kinda sorta hope Dante does it for me. I mean, I feel sorry for Valerie that Dad went all psycho on her and she had to watch her mom die and all, but she's really cramping my style.
MAXIE: I hear you, sister. Does the name Levi Dunkleman ring a bell?
LULU: So are you still jonesing for Nathan or is Spinelli the one?
MAXIE: I'm SO CONFUSED!
METROCOURT
SPINELLI: It does not appear that Ric Lansing is involved.
CARLY: What do you MEAN he isn't involved? He's in this up to his eyeballs. He wants Elizabeth back so he sics a fake wife on Jake to get him out of the way, simple as that.
SPINELLI: I was able to capture photographically an agreement of sorts between the alleged Mrs. Barnes and a fellow who bore little resemblance to Mr. Lansing.
CARLY: Well, show me already! (looks at the pic of Fake Jake and Hayden shaking hands) This proves nothing. I can't see his face.
SPINELLI: I was loathe to be discovered, so I snapped this photograph without proper subject framing technique.
CARLY: Find this guy. NOW!
WYNDEMERE
NIKOLAS: Where is that goddamn ring!
PATRICK'S HOUSE
JAKE: Check this out. A ring.
PATRICK: Looks like a wedding ring. How did this get under my couch?
SAM: OMG! IT'S JASON'S WEDDING RING!
PATRICK: How the hell did it end up under my couch?
SAM: I don't know? Robin?
PATRICK: She's been gone for months.
SAM: I never thought I'd see this again.
PATRICK: Where did it come from?
EMMA: It came from Spencer. He threw it at me because I wouldn't be his one and only.
PATRICK: That's interesting. Why would Spencer Cassadine have Jason's ring?
EMMA: I don't know, but Spencer's been extra creepy lately.
WYNDEMERE
NIKOLAS: Grandmother, did you take Jason's wedding ring? It was in the safe. No, Grandmother, wi-fi was not part of the exile plan. Goodbye Grandmother.
SPENCER: I'm hideous. My life is over. Emma rejected me.
NIKOLAS: We really ought to fix that broken record of yours.
SPENCER: Emma doesn't want a disfigured boyfriend. That's why she threw the ring at me.
NIKOLAS: What ring?
SPENCER: Ummm....
NIKOLAS: WHAT RING, Spencer?
SPENCER: The one in the safe.
NIKOLAS: You're grounded. I'm going to Emma's to find the ring.
DANTE & LULU'S APARTMENT
LULU: Hello! Why is Valerie still here?
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
SPINELLI: Maximista, am I most delighted to lay my eyes on you.
MAXIE: I'm going to cook dinner for us and we're going to be a happy family.
SPINELLI: I am trembling with glee. I shall return with our young offspring!
DANTE & LULU'S APARTMENT
DANTE: Don't leave Port Chuckles, Valerie! Your long-lost family is here.
VALERIE: Lulu hates me.
DANTE: What about Bobbie, Lucas, & Carly?
VALERIE: They were pretty nice. I guess I'll stay.
DANTE: You made the right call. Now I need to take a shower, then get back to finding my baby sister.
VALERIE: One fritta-ta-ta coming up!
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
LULU: My cousin Valerie is driving me BANANAS!
MAXIE: Hold up! Since when do you have a cousin Valerie?
LULU: Since, like, five minutes ago. She tried to kill my dad.
MAXIE: Have we really not hung out for that long?
LULU: Totally. I still don't know whether you chose Nathan or Spinelli.
MAXIE: Spinelli, but Nathan broke up with me first. Until he showed up and tried to un-break up with me but it was too late. I was back with Spinelli.
ROCCO: Um, Hello? Where's Georgie? Totally thought this was a play date.
KELLY'S
ELLIE: Sincerest apologies for my momentary lack of hand-eye coordination!
NATHAN: No worries. It happens in this town more often than you'd think.
ELLIE: You possess a most impressive physique.
NATHAN: Thanks. Wait a minute, aren't you Ellie?
ELLIE: Your skill in correctly ascertaining my identity is also admirable.
NATHAN: It's all your fault that I lost Maxie. If you hadn't sent Spinelli after her, Maxie and I would still be together right now.
ELLIE: I merely desired to determine whether Damien was still in possession of feelings for the mother of his child. However, you saw it appropriate to end your relationship with Maxie so that Damien might once again seek her affections.
NATHAN: I saw Maxie, Spinelli, and Georgie as a family and I didn't want to mess with their loving family unit vibes so I stepped aside.
ELLIE: So what are we going to do now?
NATHAN: Either we reclaim the people we love or have sex and make them jealous. Your call.
METROCOURT
CARLY: Well if it isn't Slimy McSlimeball and Miss Ficklepants.
ELIZABETH: Mind your own business much, Carly?
RIC: What? Is Elizabeth supposed to sit at home alone pining for a married man?
CARLY: Well, that depends...
SPINELLI: I have a matter of the utmost urgency to discuss with you.
CARLY: Later, Spinelli.
SPINELLI: This matter waits for no man. I must converse with you at once.
DANTE & LULU'S APARTMENT
VALERIE: Voila! It's Fritta-ta-ta a la Patricia Spencer.
DANTE: That's like, Top Chef material.
VALERIE: My mom was an awesome cook. And she had this thing where she'd add an extra syllable to every dish just to make me laugh. I miss my mom so much!
DANTE: You and your mom had something really special. I totally get that. My mother is always making me cannolis.
VALERIE: You TOTALLY get me, Dante. I still can't believe my mom is gone!
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
MAXIE: If you ask me, I think you should kick your cuckoo cousin to the curb.
LULU: I kinda sorta hope Dante does it for me. I mean, I feel sorry for Valerie that Dad went all psycho on her and she had to watch her mom die and all, but she's really cramping my style.
MAXIE: I hear you, sister. Does the name Levi Dunkleman ring a bell?
LULU: So are you still jonesing for Nathan or is Spinelli the one?
MAXIE: I'm SO CONFUSED!
METROCOURT
SPINELLI: It does not appear that Ric Lansing is involved.
CARLY: What do you MEAN he isn't involved? He's in this up to his eyeballs. He wants Elizabeth back so he sics a fake wife on Jake to get him out of the way, simple as that.
SPINELLI: I was able to capture photographically an agreement of sorts between the alleged Mrs. Barnes and a fellow who bore little resemblance to Mr. Lansing.
CARLY: Well, show me already! (looks at the pic of Fake Jake and Hayden shaking hands) This proves nothing. I can't see his face.
SPINELLI: I was loathe to be discovered, so I snapped this photograph without proper subject framing technique.
CARLY: Find this guy. NOW!
WYNDEMERE
NIKOLAS: Where is that goddamn ring!
PATRICK'S HOUSE
JAKE: Check this out. A ring.
PATRICK: Looks like a wedding ring. How did this get under my couch?
SAM: OMG! IT'S JASON'S WEDDING RING!
PATRICK: How the hell did it end up under my couch?
SAM: I don't know? Robin?
PATRICK: She's been gone for months.
SAM: I never thought I'd see this again.
PATRICK: Where did it come from?
EMMA: It came from Spencer. He threw it at me because I wouldn't be his one and only.
PATRICK: That's interesting. Why would Spencer Cassadine have Jason's ring?
EMMA: I don't know, but Spencer's been extra creepy lately.
WYNDEMERE
NIKOLAS: Grandmother, did you take Jason's wedding ring? It was in the safe. No, Grandmother, wi-fi was not part of the exile plan. Goodbye Grandmother.
SPENCER: I'm hideous. My life is over. Emma rejected me.
NIKOLAS: We really ought to fix that broken record of yours.
SPENCER: Emma doesn't want a disfigured boyfriend. That's why she threw the ring at me.
NIKOLAS: What ring?
SPENCER: Ummm....
NIKOLAS: WHAT RING, Spencer?
SPENCER: The one in the safe.
NIKOLAS: You're grounded. I'm going to Emma's to find the ring.
DANTE & LULU'S APARTMENT
LULU: Hello! Why is Valerie still here?
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
SPINELLI: Maximista, am I most delighted to lay my eyes on you.
MAXIE: I'm going to cook dinner for us and we're going to be a happy family.
SPINELLI: I am trembling with glee. I shall return with our young offspring!
Friday, April 17, 2015
Return of Fake Jake
Fake Jake, a.k.a. Pete is back in town, demanding more hush money out of Ric and Hayden. Spinelli reports to Carly that Hayden recently came into a lot of money. Ric takes Liz on a dinner date to the MetroCourt. Ned lies to Alexis about not handing over ELQ shares to Franco, then tells Olivia he did it because he is in love with her. Hayden is hungry for more sex and tracks Nikolas down first by phone, then shows up at Wyndemere. Alexis tries to get information about the Cassadine ELQ holdings from Nikolas, who lies through his teeth. Nina is unnerved over Obrecht's visit and discusses it with Franco. Jake recognizes Robin in a picture at Patrick's house.
LIZ'S HOUSE
RIC: Now that we're back together, we need to go on an actual date. Since the only nice restaurant in town is the MetroCourt, what do you say?
LIZ: Sounds great, as long as I can find a sitter for the boys.
RIC: Molly can do it. I think. Let me check.
LIZ: Then I'll go get changed.
METROCOURT
SPINELLI: I come with glad tidings of great joy.
CARLY: You do know it's April, right? So what's the scoop, Spinelli?
SPINELLI: Maximista and I have reunited in the romantic fashion.
CARLY: Congrats! But what about Hayden?
SPINELLI: She recently acquired a handsome sum of money.
CARLY: A HA! I KNEW someone was paying her to pretend to be Jake's wife. Now we need to find the WHO and the WHY. Here's a key. Go spy on Hayden for me.
SPINELLI: You express great concern for this Jake.
CARLY: He's a great friend who always has my back.
SPINELLI: Reminiscent of Stone Cold?
CARLY: Kinda. Now go get your P.I. on in Hayden's room.
OUTSIDE LIZ'S HOUSE
PETE: I want more money.
RIC: The 10 grand I gave you to skip town wasn't enough?
PETE: Lamborghinis are expensive, man! Pay up or Elizabeth sees Fake Jake before her very eyes.
RIC: I don't have that kind of cash on me. Disappear and I'll pay you later.
PETE: Make that sooner or Elizabeth hears everything.
HAYDEN'S HOTEL ROOM
HAYDEN (on phone): I'm bored. Let's have sex.
NIKOLAS: Are you stalking me?
HAYDEN: I've got needs and fake hubby's not fulfilling them.
NIKOLAS: I'm busy. All we have between us is blackmail. By the way, my grandmother wants me to "eliminate" you. Consider yourself lucky to be alive. Good bye.
PATRICK'S HOUSE
JAKE: I'm back. And I brought your car too.
SAM: Thanks again for giving me a ride on that sweet bike.
JAKE: That was a blast, wasn't it. Maybe a blast from my past, but I wouldn't know.
PATRICK: Hey Jake. What's up?
JAKE: Just dropping off Sam's car (to himself) and hoping you weren't home.
PATRICK: We would have come by to pick it up.
JAKE: Happy to save you the trouble. (holds up a picture of Emma and Robin) By the way, I recognize that woman. I might have known her in my previous life.
PATRICK: That's my ex-wife. I think you might be mistaken.
JAKE: Distinct state of deja vu here.
PATRICK: You must have seen a picture of her somewhere else.
JAKE: Maybe. Here are your keys, Sam. Oops! I probably never played baseball. Let me go get them for you (looks under couch and sees keys and Jason's wedding ring.
Q MANSION
ALEXIS: You didn't really give your shares to Franco, did you, Ned?
NED: (fingers crossed behind back) Nah, it didn't come to that.
ALEXIS: That's a relief. It's not like ELQ isn't hemorrhaging enough already. Then there's Michael, who's hell-bent on self-destruction.
NED: Want me to try to straighten him out? Look what magic I worked with Franco!
ALEXIS: I need to go make sure he hasn't jumped off any buildings. And talk to Nikolas about Helena snatching up ELQ shares.
FRANCO & NINA'S SUITE
FRANCO: Check this out, Nina. The ELQ stock certificates, live and in person!
NINA: Yay Franco.
FRANCO: Okay, what's eating you now?
NINA: Auntie Liesl. She came over yesterday and accused me of taking the baby. Go figure. First you accuse me, then Jay, now Auntie Liesl. It's really starting to get on my nerves.
FRANCO: Why? It's not like you, I don't know, actually TOOK her.
NINA: You STILL think I have the baby, don't you?
FRANCO: I believe you, Nina. I don't think you took the kid.
NINA: And then Auntie Liesl said that she knew a secret about me that I don't know.
FRANCO: What is it about people in this town and secrets. You'd think we're on a soap opera or something.
WYNDEMERE
HAYDEN: Surprise!
NIKOLAS: I don't believe it. What now?
HAYDEN: I took a friggin' BOAT to come here, so you're gonna have sex with me.
NIKOLAS: Maybe Grandmother was right.
HAYDEN: Come on, Princey-Prince. Don't you want me, baby? Don't you want me NOW?
NIKOLAS: DAMMIT! (Nikolas & Hayden have sex)
ALEXIS: Nikolas?
HAYDEN: Is that granny?
NIKOLAS: It's my aunt. Disappear. NOW!
HAYDEN'S HOTEL ROOM
PETE: I need money and Ric doesn't have any on him. You'll give it to me or the jig is up.
HAYDEN: Damn! You have a talent for extortion.
PETE: Blackmail's my middle name.
OUTSIDE HAYDEN'S ROOM
(Spinelli snaps a pic of Hayden and Pete shaking hands)
PETE: Deal?
HAYDEN: Fine. Deal.
WYNDEMERE
ALEXIS: You look a little...disheveled.
NIKOLAS: What an I say? Staring at numbers can put a guy to sleep. I took a little nap.
ALEXIS: Sorry to wake you. We need to talk about the 33% of ELQ that is in Cassadine hands. Did Helena let you in on any of her plans to take over the company?
NIKOLAS: (fingers crossed behind his back): Takeover? What takeover?
ALEXIS: That's what I thought.
Q MANSION
OLIVIA: I hate that you gave up ELQ shares because of me.
NED: You know why I did it, right? I did it because I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU!
OLIVIA: This is news to me. I totally thought I was in the friend zone.
NED: Not anymore you're not. (kisses Olivia)
LIZ'S HOUSE
RIC: Now that we're back together, we need to go on an actual date. Since the only nice restaurant in town is the MetroCourt, what do you say?
LIZ: Sounds great, as long as I can find a sitter for the boys.
RIC: Molly can do it. I think. Let me check.
LIZ: Then I'll go get changed.
METROCOURT
SPINELLI: I come with glad tidings of great joy.
CARLY: You do know it's April, right? So what's the scoop, Spinelli?
SPINELLI: Maximista and I have reunited in the romantic fashion.
CARLY: Congrats! But what about Hayden?
SPINELLI: She recently acquired a handsome sum of money.
CARLY: A HA! I KNEW someone was paying her to pretend to be Jake's wife. Now we need to find the WHO and the WHY. Here's a key. Go spy on Hayden for me.
SPINELLI: You express great concern for this Jake.
CARLY: He's a great friend who always has my back.
SPINELLI: Reminiscent of Stone Cold?
CARLY: Kinda. Now go get your P.I. on in Hayden's room.
OUTSIDE LIZ'S HOUSE
PETE: I want more money.
RIC: The 10 grand I gave you to skip town wasn't enough?
PETE: Lamborghinis are expensive, man! Pay up or Elizabeth sees Fake Jake before her very eyes.
RIC: I don't have that kind of cash on me. Disappear and I'll pay you later.
PETE: Make that sooner or Elizabeth hears everything.
HAYDEN'S HOTEL ROOM
HAYDEN (on phone): I'm bored. Let's have sex.
NIKOLAS: Are you stalking me?
HAYDEN: I've got needs and fake hubby's not fulfilling them.
NIKOLAS: I'm busy. All we have between us is blackmail. By the way, my grandmother wants me to "eliminate" you. Consider yourself lucky to be alive. Good bye.
PATRICK'S HOUSE
JAKE: I'm back. And I brought your car too.
SAM: Thanks again for giving me a ride on that sweet bike.
JAKE: That was a blast, wasn't it. Maybe a blast from my past, but I wouldn't know.
PATRICK: Hey Jake. What's up?
JAKE: Just dropping off Sam's car (to himself) and hoping you weren't home.
PATRICK: We would have come by to pick it up.
JAKE: Happy to save you the trouble. (holds up a picture of Emma and Robin) By the way, I recognize that woman. I might have known her in my previous life.
PATRICK: That's my ex-wife. I think you might be mistaken.
JAKE: Distinct state of deja vu here.
PATRICK: You must have seen a picture of her somewhere else.
JAKE: Maybe. Here are your keys, Sam. Oops! I probably never played baseball. Let me go get them for you (looks under couch and sees keys and Jason's wedding ring.
Q MANSION
ALEXIS: You didn't really give your shares to Franco, did you, Ned?
NED: (fingers crossed behind back) Nah, it didn't come to that.
ALEXIS: That's a relief. It's not like ELQ isn't hemorrhaging enough already. Then there's Michael, who's hell-bent on self-destruction.
NED: Want me to try to straighten him out? Look what magic I worked with Franco!
ALEXIS: I need to go make sure he hasn't jumped off any buildings. And talk to Nikolas about Helena snatching up ELQ shares.
FRANCO & NINA'S SUITE
FRANCO: Check this out, Nina. The ELQ stock certificates, live and in person!
NINA: Yay Franco.
FRANCO: Okay, what's eating you now?
NINA: Auntie Liesl. She came over yesterday and accused me of taking the baby. Go figure. First you accuse me, then Jay, now Auntie Liesl. It's really starting to get on my nerves.
FRANCO: Why? It's not like you, I don't know, actually TOOK her.
NINA: You STILL think I have the baby, don't you?
FRANCO: I believe you, Nina. I don't think you took the kid.
NINA: And then Auntie Liesl said that she knew a secret about me that I don't know.
FRANCO: What is it about people in this town and secrets. You'd think we're on a soap opera or something.
WYNDEMERE
HAYDEN: Surprise!
NIKOLAS: I don't believe it. What now?
HAYDEN: I took a friggin' BOAT to come here, so you're gonna have sex with me.
NIKOLAS: Maybe Grandmother was right.
HAYDEN: Come on, Princey-Prince. Don't you want me, baby? Don't you want me NOW?
NIKOLAS: DAMMIT! (Nikolas & Hayden have sex)
ALEXIS: Nikolas?
HAYDEN: Is that granny?
NIKOLAS: It's my aunt. Disappear. NOW!
HAYDEN'S HOTEL ROOM
PETE: I need money and Ric doesn't have any on him. You'll give it to me or the jig is up.
HAYDEN: Damn! You have a talent for extortion.
PETE: Blackmail's my middle name.
OUTSIDE HAYDEN'S ROOM
(Spinelli snaps a pic of Hayden and Pete shaking hands)
PETE: Deal?
HAYDEN: Fine. Deal.
WYNDEMERE
ALEXIS: You look a little...disheveled.
NIKOLAS: What an I say? Staring at numbers can put a guy to sleep. I took a little nap.
ALEXIS: Sorry to wake you. We need to talk about the 33% of ELQ that is in Cassadine hands. Did Helena let you in on any of her plans to take over the company?
NIKOLAS: (fingers crossed behind his back): Takeover? What takeover?
ALEXIS: That's what I thought.
Q MANSION
OLIVIA: I hate that you gave up ELQ shares because of me.
NED: You know why I did it, right? I did it because I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU!
OLIVIA: This is news to me. I totally thought I was in the friend zone.
NED: Not anymore you're not. (kisses Olivia)
Thursday, April 16, 2015
Shower Worthy
Sloane's shower at the MetroCourt is on the fritz so he asks Anna if she can use hers. Anna agrees, but for a price. Lucy encourages Duke to face his feelings for Anna. Dr. O visits Nina and rattles her cage about possible "dirty laundry". Nathan questions Silas in NYC and Silas fulfills Ava's wish. Olivia is horrified to learn that Ned traded ELQ shares for Franco's silence. Michael has another MetroCourt meltdown in front of Kiki and Julian.
ANNA'S HOTEL ROOM
SLOANE: I need a shower.
ANNA: That much is obvious. So go take one.
SLOANE: No can do. The one in my room is broken, so can I use yours?
ANNA: Only if you tell me who your informant is.
SLOANE: Nice try.
ANNA: No informant, no shower.
SLOANE: Fine, what if I give you another juicy tidbit of information?
ANNA: About?
SLOANE: Let me shower and I'll tell.
ANNA: Only I decide if your information is shower worthy.
SLOANE: My informant tells me the Jeromes are gunning for Duke. At least I think it's Duke. He didn't give specifics.
ANNA: So it could be Shawn or Sonny?
SLOANE: Possibly, but he said "senior" and Duke's older than them so I think it's him.
ANNA: Shower's yours.
NYC (OUTSIDE SECRET GREEN ROOM OF DEATH)
NATHAN: Silas, Avery is missing. Do you know anything about this?
SILAS: Am I experiencing deja vu? Are you back to accusing me of crimes I did not commit?
NATHAN: For the record, my mom made me do it.
SILAS: Nice one.
NATHAN: I brought up the subject of Franco because of his involvement with Nina in the baby's first kidnapping. She then suggested I question you because you were the last one to see Avery before she went missing.
SILAS: She's not here. Now if you will excuse me, I need to get back to my mystery patient.
NATHAN: Of course. Sorry for the trouble.
LUCY'S HOTEL ROOM
LUCY: Let's do the tango at the Nurses' Ball . No, let's not do the tango because that's a you and Anna thing.
DUKE: It's not like I know any other dances. I vote tango. Let's practice. (while they're practicing, Duke remembers dancing with Anna)
LUCY: Let's NOT do the tango. You're still in love with Anna, aren't you? It's totally okay because I'm still in love with Doc.
DUKE: So we're NOT in a relationship? I'M SO CONFUSED!
LUCY: I'll tell you what you need to do. You need to march over to Anna's room and let her know how you feel about her.
METROCOURT
KIKI: So it went down like this, Uncle Julian: Morgan switched Michael's allergy meds with roofies and they make him get drunk ten times faster. I was in on it the whole time and now Avery's missing because of me and Morgan and our stupid stupidity.
JULIAN: You are your mother's daughter, except for the whole putting your little sister in danger part. Now THAT was stupid.
MICHAEL: Can a guy get a drink around here?
BARTENDER: Can't serve you, Mr. Q. You're hammered.
MICHAEL: Well look who it is. Keeks and Uncle Mobster. Worried sick about AJ? I THINK NOT! 'Cuz if you WERE, you'd be OUT LOOKING FOR HER!
KIKI: OF COURSE, I'm worried about AVERY!
MICHAEL: Worried MY ASS! She was kidnapped when YOU were supposed to be watching her. YOU, BECAUSE YOU HAD HER TAKEN FROM ME!
JULIAN: Hey Michael, take your drunken accusations somewhere else, man. We're trying to eat here.
MICHAEL: Far be it for me to get between a man and his BREAKFAST when MY BABY SISTER IS MISSING!
Q MANSION
FRANCO: I'm here to collect.
ALEXIS: Collect WHAT? Are you under the LSD-induced delusion that you're still a Quartermaine?
FRANCO: LSD? That was so...February! Ned here owes me his ELQ shares. We made a deal and it's time to pay the piper. That would be me. I'm the piper. But not the pied piper. Unless it's lemon meringue. So cough up those shares, Ned.
OLIVIA: OM to the G!
ALEXIS: Maybe the LSD has left Franco's system, but I'm not so sure Ned didn't get a dose of it himself. What possessed you to give up your shares to FRANCO?
OLIVIA: He was trying to get them off my back. When I went to Shadybrook to welcome Franco to the I Was Drugged By Heather Webber Club, I kinda let it slip that membership comes with a free suite at the MetroCourt.
ALEXIS: It's becoming increasingly clear that I am the only sane one in this room. (answers phone) Now I have to tend to my loose cannon of a client who is causing another scene at the MetroCourt).
FRANCO & NINA'S SUITE
LIESL: Hand over ze baby, Nina.
NINA: I don't have the baby, Auntie Liesl.
LIESL: Vy don't I believe you?
NINA: You tell me. Why don't you believe me?
LIESL: My poor genius Franco, saddled viss such a parasite.
NINA: Liesl and Franco sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s--
LIESL: Zat vill be enough of zat silliness. My heaaht belongs to my Cesaaaaah.
NINA: What about Victor Cassadine?
LIESL: Vat about him? I vas never in love viss him.
NINA: But he's the father of Jay--I mean Nathan, or is he not my brother's father after all? Hmmm, intrigue!
LIESL: You stay out of my dirty laundry and I vill stay out of yours.
NINA: Everybody already knows the story of crazy Nina who was put in a coma for 23 years by her own mother.
LIESL: Zere are sings you may not know, Nina.
METROCOURT
ALEXIS: Michael, we're done here.
MICHAEL: I'm not going ANYWHERE with you, Benedict Alexis! Imma go find AJ.
ALEXIS: You will come with me OR ELSE I'll go all Cassadine on your ass.
Q MANSION
OLIVIA: Don't do it, Ned!
FRANCO: What's Julian's number again?
NED: I'm doing it Olivia, because YOU shouldn't have to put up with Wacko and Wackette mooching massages and champagne off you. (Hands folder with share certificates to Franco)
FRANCO: Muchas gracias. Pleasure doing business with you, Ned.
NED: You got you shares, now LEAVE OLIVIA ALONE OR ELSE!
ANNA'S HOTEL ROOM
DUKE: Hello...You're not Anna.
SLOANE: I've been told worse.
DUKE: Carry on. (leaves)
SECRET GREEN ROOM OF DEATH
AVA: What did the police want with you?
SILAS: They just had a few questions about Franco and Nina. There have been rumors that those two have been up to no good again.
AVA: That's the last time I'll hear those two names again.
SILAS: Are you sure you want to go through with this?
AVA: Let's get this done. It's fitting that yours is the last face I'll see. I could always count on you, even when it comes to The Needle Of Death.
SILAS: Speaking of said needle, it's ready to do it's...well, it's thing.
AVA: Then what are we waiting for?
SILAS: (Injects Ava with the drugs) I honestly never thought it would come to this.
AVA: Neither did I, but here we are.
SILAS: Goodbye, Ava. May you rest in peace. :........(
ANNA'S HOTEL ROOM
SLOANE: I need a shower.
ANNA: That much is obvious. So go take one.
SLOANE: No can do. The one in my room is broken, so can I use yours?
ANNA: Only if you tell me who your informant is.
SLOANE: Nice try.
ANNA: No informant, no shower.
SLOANE: Fine, what if I give you another juicy tidbit of information?
ANNA: About?
SLOANE: Let me shower and I'll tell.
ANNA: Only I decide if your information is shower worthy.
SLOANE: My informant tells me the Jeromes are gunning for Duke. At least I think it's Duke. He didn't give specifics.
ANNA: So it could be Shawn or Sonny?
SLOANE: Possibly, but he said "senior" and Duke's older than them so I think it's him.
ANNA: Shower's yours.
NYC (OUTSIDE SECRET GREEN ROOM OF DEATH)
NATHAN: Silas, Avery is missing. Do you know anything about this?
SILAS: Am I experiencing deja vu? Are you back to accusing me of crimes I did not commit?
NATHAN: For the record, my mom made me do it.
SILAS: Nice one.
NATHAN: I brought up the subject of Franco because of his involvement with Nina in the baby's first kidnapping. She then suggested I question you because you were the last one to see Avery before she went missing.
SILAS: She's not here. Now if you will excuse me, I need to get back to my mystery patient.
NATHAN: Of course. Sorry for the trouble.
LUCY'S HOTEL ROOM
LUCY: Let's do the tango at the Nurses' Ball . No, let's not do the tango because that's a you and Anna thing.
DUKE: It's not like I know any other dances. I vote tango. Let's practice. (while they're practicing, Duke remembers dancing with Anna)
LUCY: Let's NOT do the tango. You're still in love with Anna, aren't you? It's totally okay because I'm still in love with Doc.
DUKE: So we're NOT in a relationship? I'M SO CONFUSED!
LUCY: I'll tell you what you need to do. You need to march over to Anna's room and let her know how you feel about her.
METROCOURT
KIKI: So it went down like this, Uncle Julian: Morgan switched Michael's allergy meds with roofies and they make him get drunk ten times faster. I was in on it the whole time and now Avery's missing because of me and Morgan and our stupid stupidity.
JULIAN: You are your mother's daughter, except for the whole putting your little sister in danger part. Now THAT was stupid.
MICHAEL: Can a guy get a drink around here?
BARTENDER: Can't serve you, Mr. Q. You're hammered.
MICHAEL: Well look who it is. Keeks and Uncle Mobster. Worried sick about AJ? I THINK NOT! 'Cuz if you WERE, you'd be OUT LOOKING FOR HER!
KIKI: OF COURSE, I'm worried about AVERY!
MICHAEL: Worried MY ASS! She was kidnapped when YOU were supposed to be watching her. YOU, BECAUSE YOU HAD HER TAKEN FROM ME!
JULIAN: Hey Michael, take your drunken accusations somewhere else, man. We're trying to eat here.
MICHAEL: Far be it for me to get between a man and his BREAKFAST when MY BABY SISTER IS MISSING!
Q MANSION
FRANCO: I'm here to collect.
ALEXIS: Collect WHAT? Are you under the LSD-induced delusion that you're still a Quartermaine?
FRANCO: LSD? That was so...February! Ned here owes me his ELQ shares. We made a deal and it's time to pay the piper. That would be me. I'm the piper. But not the pied piper. Unless it's lemon meringue. So cough up those shares, Ned.
OLIVIA: OM to the G!
ALEXIS: Maybe the LSD has left Franco's system, but I'm not so sure Ned didn't get a dose of it himself. What possessed you to give up your shares to FRANCO?
OLIVIA: He was trying to get them off my back. When I went to Shadybrook to welcome Franco to the I Was Drugged By Heather Webber Club, I kinda let it slip that membership comes with a free suite at the MetroCourt.
ALEXIS: It's becoming increasingly clear that I am the only sane one in this room. (answers phone) Now I have to tend to my loose cannon of a client who is causing another scene at the MetroCourt).
FRANCO & NINA'S SUITE
LIESL: Hand over ze baby, Nina.
NINA: I don't have the baby, Auntie Liesl.
LIESL: Vy don't I believe you?
NINA: You tell me. Why don't you believe me?
LIESL: My poor genius Franco, saddled viss such a parasite.
NINA: Liesl and Franco sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s--
LIESL: Zat vill be enough of zat silliness. My heaaht belongs to my Cesaaaaah.
NINA: What about Victor Cassadine?
LIESL: Vat about him? I vas never in love viss him.
NINA: But he's the father of Jay--I mean Nathan, or is he not my brother's father after all? Hmmm, intrigue!
LIESL: You stay out of my dirty laundry and I vill stay out of yours.
NINA: Everybody already knows the story of crazy Nina who was put in a coma for 23 years by her own mother.
LIESL: Zere are sings you may not know, Nina.
METROCOURT
ALEXIS: Michael, we're done here.
MICHAEL: I'm not going ANYWHERE with you, Benedict Alexis! Imma go find AJ.
ALEXIS: You will come with me OR ELSE I'll go all Cassadine on your ass.
Q MANSION
OLIVIA: Don't do it, Ned!
FRANCO: What's Julian's number again?
NED: I'm doing it Olivia, because YOU shouldn't have to put up with Wacko and Wackette mooching massages and champagne off you. (Hands folder with share certificates to Franco)
FRANCO: Muchas gracias. Pleasure doing business with you, Ned.
NED: You got you shares, now LEAVE OLIVIA ALONE OR ELSE!
ANNA'S HOTEL ROOM
DUKE: Hello...You're not Anna.
SLOANE: I've been told worse.
DUKE: Carry on. (leaves)
SECRET GREEN ROOM OF DEATH
AVA: What did the police want with you?
SILAS: They just had a few questions about Franco and Nina. There have been rumors that those two have been up to no good again.
AVA: That's the last time I'll hear those two names again.
SILAS: Are you sure you want to go through with this?
AVA: Let's get this done. It's fitting that yours is the last face I'll see. I could always count on you, even when it comes to The Needle Of Death.
SILAS: Speaking of said needle, it's ready to do it's...well, it's thing.
AVA: Then what are we waiting for?
SILAS: (Injects Ava with the drugs) I honestly never thought it would come to this.
AVA: Neither did I, but here we are.
SILAS: Goodbye, Ava. May you rest in peace. :........(
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