Take My Cousin, Pretty Please!

    While Lulu begs Nikolas to let Valerie live at Wyndemere,  Valerie drives Olivia to the hospital with labor pains.   Michael reams Ned for giving his ELQ shares to Franco.  Dante arrests Morgan and Kiki for drugging Michael.  Sonny & Carly make a deal with Michael.   Having caught Franco searching her purse, Nina kicks him out of their suite.  Felix pumps Sabrina for details on her and Michael and the kiss. 

        METROCOURT

        LULU:  Olivia, can you hang out with my cousin Valerie while I go cajole my brother into letting her live at his castle? 
        OLIVIA:  Oooookay. 
        VALERIE:  Why do I feel like a hot potato all of the sudden?
        OLIVIA:  Nice to meet you, Valerie.  Sorry to hear you lost your mom.  Yes, Dante does tell me everything.
         VALERIE:  Dante is the hott--I mean the nicest guy I know.
         OLIVIA:  He says you belong to the Only Child of Single Mother club too.
         VALERIE:  Looks like his membership is expiring soon.
         OLIVIA:  As huge as I am, the kid's still a few months away.  OR NOT!  OWWWW!   HEEEELP!
         VALERIE:  OMG, Olivia, are you going into labor?   I'm calling 911.
         OLIVIA:  An ambulance will take forever.  Do you know how to operate the Port Chuckles Personal Teleporter yet?   It will get me to the hospital in 5 seconds flat.
   
         SILAS'S APARTMENT

         DANTE:  Am I going to have to kick this door down, Morgan?
         SONNY:  Hide the baby!  Now!
         CARLY:   Are you KIDDING ME? 
         SONNY:   Just DO it, Carly, or Morgan goes to the Big House.  (Opens the door) Come in, son.   We were just having some family time with Morgan and Kiki.   A good-natured game of Hide and Seek.
         DANTE:  Morgan, Kiki, you're under arrest for drugging Michael. 
         MORGAN:  Like, seriously?   You ACTUALLY think I drugged my brother?
         DANTE: Save it, Morgan.  Michael found the pills ON YOUR PERSON at the ELQ office.  You and Kiki are dead to rights, bro.   By the way, where's the baby?
         MORGAN:  She's in Timbuktu.  How the hell am I supposed to know? 
         DANTE:  Okay if I take a look around? 
         SONNY:  Warrant?
         DANTE:  DAMMIT!   Why don't I just cuff these two for the roofie caper and get the hell out of here.

         ELQ OFFICE

        MICHAEL:  I feel a Mabrina coming on.  How about you? 
        SABRINA:  Let me check with Felix.  
        NED:  Am I interrupting something?   I just came here to discuss my colossal screw-up. 
        SABRINA:  I'm outta here.   (leaves)
        MICHAEL:  I'm listening.
        NED:  I traded my ELQ shares to Franco & Nina for their silence on a certain manner regarding Olivia.
         MICHAEL:  Say WHAAAAAAAT?  

         WYNDEMERE

         NIKOLAS:  Spit it out, Rosalie.  What about Ned's shares?
         ROSALIE:  They're not his anymore.  He traded them to Franco and my former wackadoo boss in exchange for some secret.
         NIKOLAS:  What secret?
         ROSALIE:  If I knew, it wouldn't be a secret now, would it?   Honestly, Nikolas, sometimes you can be so tedious.
        NIKOLAS: Oh dear God, my grandmother has put the chip in you too.  
        LULU:  Big princely brother of mine, will you take my cous-- you have company.
        ROSALIE:  Not for long.  Gotta get back to my real fake job working for Michael.
        LULU:  You don't waste any time, do you, big brother?   Except when it comes to returning my calls and texts and facebook messages.  Can't you see I'm trying to pawn my hubby-crushing cousin off on you? 
        NIKOLAS:  I've been...busy. 
        LULU:  I'll say.  So this cousin, Valerie, is my dad's long lost sister's daughter who just lost her mother and tried to kill my father and has a monster crush on my husband.   Please, be the best big brother EVER and squirrel her away in some far-flung wing in this castle?  
        NIKOLAS:  Say WHAAAAAAAT?  

         FRANCO & NINA'S SUITE

         NINA:  If you're looking for maxi pads, I'm out.  You know, premature mother-induced menopause and all.  Is it hot in this room all of the sudden? 
         FRANCO:  Guess I'm going to have to make a drugstore run, then.   Actually, I was looking for evidence of baby.   Like hot baby.  Stolen baby.  Kidnapped baby.
         NINA:  I KNEW IT!   You don't trust me!   I don't want to live with you anymore.  I'm going to live with Jay in his greasy apartment that reeks of BLTs.
          FRANCO:  It looks like you and my mother have more in common than I'd thought. 
          NINA:  I have a better idea.  How about YOU move out.   Like NOW!   Go keep Auntie Liesl warm at night and NEVER COME BACK!

           PCPD

          MORGAN:  What's the wifi password in here?
          DANTE:  Try SHUT UP!!!! 
          KIKI:  It's worth a shot.  See if it works.
          MORGAN:  Kiki, I'm sorry Kiki for getting you, Kiki into trouble Kiki.  It's all Kiki my fault Kiki that we Kiki are in this mess Kiki.  
           KIKI:  It's my fault too.  After all, it takes two to roofie. 
         
           HOSPITAL

         SABRINA:  Michael kissed me.
         FELIX:  O to the MG, BRI!   You GO, girl!   How much lip?  How much tongue?   Over or under 30 seconds? 
          SABRINA:  Fe, you SO need your own guy. 
        
          OLIVIA:  OMG, My baby!  Is my baby going to be okay? 
          VALERIE:  I so need to call Dante and tell him his mother is in the hospital.  Any excuse to hear his sexy voice.
           NED:  Don't worry about a thing, Liv.  Because every little thing is going to be alright.  How do I know?  Three little birds told me. 
           OLIVIA:  I'm losing it!   Ned's singing reggae and Lulu's cousin is in love with my son.  

            WYNDEMERE

            LULU:  Please let Valerie live here.  Pretty, pretty please for your FAVORITE only sister.   I promise she won't put a scalpel to anyone's throat.  Come to think of it, with that skill set, she may be part Cassadine anyway. 
            NIKOLAS:  Fine, as long as she stays out of the way when I'm having sex with women I barely know. On second thought...
            LULU:  Thank you thank you THANK YOU! 

             ELQ OFFICE

            SONNY:  Michael, I'm about to make an offer you can't refuse.  Drop the charges against Morgan and Kiki and you get Avery back, no questions asked.
            MICHAEL:  And you'll back off of Walters? 
            SONNY:  Well...
            MICHAEL:  Take it or leave it.   Drop the appeal or Morgan and Kiki are going to the hoosegow. 
            SONNY:  Deal.  
            CARLY:  (carrying the baby):  She's all yours, Michael. 
            MICHAEL:  Hey little AJ!   Big brother loves you so much and he promises never to tip your stroller over again. 

             HOSPITAL

            DANTE:  How's my mother?
            VALERIE:  She's being examined right now.   I had her teleported here the SECOND she started having labor pains. 
           
             OLIVIA:  Is my baby okay?
             FELIX:  I think you just had fake contractions.  Your uterus is just having a dress rehearsal.
            OLIVIA: Tell my uterus that practice doesn't always make perfect. 
 
            LULU:  (sees Valerie hugging Dante)  I can't move her into that castle soon enough.