Caging The Monster

   Tracy tells a hospitalized Luke that Patricia passed away at the house after he left.   A grieving and vengeful Valerie demands to see Luke.   Nikolas confronts Hayden about Jake.  Patrick might be a little jealous that Sam rode to his house on a motorcycle with Jake.  Jake overhears Julian and Carlos planning mobular action.  TweedleMorgan and TweedleKiki make out in order to make Michael want more to drink, then have their lackey tape Michael's drunken tirade.

     HOSPITAL

     LUKE:  Where's Patricia?
     TRACY:  I'm so sorry, Luke, but she is gone.
     LUKE:  Gone as in dead?
     TRACY:  I'm afraid so.   She was very sick from the MS and her heart just gave out.
     LUKE:  All the stress I caused her storming her hospital room and dredging up horrific childhood memories couldn't have done her any favors.   Not only did I kill my parents, but now I've killed my sister too.  
     TRACY:  Patricia loved you, Luke, and she wouldn't want you to blame yourself.
  
     HAYDEN'S METROCOURT ROOM

     HAYDEN:  Unless you want to have sex with me, get lost.
     NIKOLAS:  We Cassadines don't get lost.   We need to talk, Hayden.  I have questions.
     HAYDEN:  Who the hell are you?
     NIKOLAS:  I'm Nikolas Cassadine.  Elizabeth Webber is my friend and ex-lover.  I have questions about you being Jake's wife.
     HAYDEN:  Why would I say Jake is my hubby if he wasn't?  Do I look that desperate?
     NIKOLAS:  Do I have to answer that?
     HAYDEN:  How many watchdogs does Jake have?  First, Elizabeth gives me the third degree and then there's Carly.  Don't even GET me started on Carly!  Now you show up.
     NIKOLAS:  Someone's paying you off.  Someone like my grandmother.  She's got money and a motive.  Trust me, you don't want her barging into your room.  She's never without her trusty dagger and at least two well-trained goons.
     HAYDEN:  Granny has a lot of resources.  She's a little stingy with the pay, though.
     NIKOLAS:  Well, I'm going to give her a call.  Should have known I couldn't keep her in a cage.
     HAYDEN:  I don't even know your grandmother, but she sounds pretty badass.  But I do know you know Jake Doe ain't really Jake Doe.  Hayden for the win!

      HOSPITAL

     VALERIE:  Where's Luke Spencer?   Where is that psycho uncle of mine staying?
      LIZ:  Whoa, girl, I can't just let you go barging into patients' rooms.
     VALERIE:  Didn't I just tell you I'm family.  I'm his niece.  Valerie Spencer.  If you won't tell me where he is, I'm going to find him myself.  
      LIZ:  I'm going to call security.
      DANTE:  That won't be necessary.  I can vouch for her.  She's Luke's niece and I'll handle her.
      VALERIE:  I will NOT be HANDLED!
      DANTE:  Valerie, I know you're grieving, but Luke's very sick.  It won't help him out if you come screaming into his room hurling murder accusations at him.
     VALERIE:  But if he didn't "come screaming into" my mother's room, she would still be alive now.
      DANTE:  But revenge won't bring your mom back.   I get it.  I was the child of a single mother too and I'd also be beside myself if something happened to her.
      VALERIE:  You do get me.  So you know why I need justice.

      METROCOURT

      KIKI:  Make out with me.  We need to make Michael more jealous so he'll drink more.
      MORGAN:  I can think of worse ways to spend my time.

      MICHAEL:  Look at those two, rubbing their PDA in my face.  Talk about tacky.
      SABRINA:  They're like a couple of high school kids.  Ignore them.
      MICHAEL:  (to bartender) Keep 'em coming.
      SABRINA:  It's 2 o'clock in the afternoon.
      MICHAEL:  Only in this time zone.
      SABRINA:  Let's get out of here and take a walk.
      MICHAEL:  I've got business to do.
      SABRINA:  Okay.  I'll take AJ for a walk myself.

      KIKI:  It's working!  Let's make out some more.
      MORGAN:  I forgot how much fun making out with you was.
      KIKI:  We are geniuses!
      MORGAN:  That's genii.

      MICHAEL:  Hey, Keeks and Moron!  You guys enjoying sucking face?
      MORGAN:  Yeah, as a matter of fact we are, MIKEY
      MICHAEL:  It's MiCHAEL!   I don't do nicknames.  It's so low-class.  I'm a Q now.
      KIKI:  And you drink like a Q too.
      MICHAEL:  I once was in love with you, Kiki.  Even when I thought we were cousins.  Then, Morgan LIED and didn't tell you we weren't.  Then I found out.  Then we hooked up.  Then I found out YOU LIED about Sonny killing my father.  Then I slept with Rosalie.  Then we broke up.  Then I won custody of AJ.  So now you've bounced back to Morgan.  You two imbeciles deserve each other.  (punches Morgan, then falls into some furniture.)
      

     GARAGE

     JAKE:  I hope you don't mind that I gave your daughter a ride home.
     JULIAN:  I don't mind.  Can't speak for your wife, though.
     JAKE:  Yeah, her.  Look, there's nothing going on between me and Sam.  She needed a ride to move in with her new boyfriend.   I only have eyes for (to himself) Uhlizabeth (to Julian) my wife.
     CARLOS:  Carrrrrrrrrlos has returned!   What's he doing here?
     JULIAN:  He works with us, remember?   He's going to be my new grease monkey.
     CARLOS:  But I'M YOUR GREASE MONKEY!  SEE MY HAIR?
     JULIAN:  Jake saved my ass from Shawn Butler.  Well, if Butler could shoot straight Jake would have saved my ass.   By the way, where you messing with Sonny's shipments?
     CARLOS:  Damn straight I did.
     JULIAN:  How DARE you go rogue!   Now you've got the bad guys on alert.  We need to plan our hit more carefully.
  
     HOSPITAL

    LUKE:  So when I felt the bad guy personality--let's call him Fluke-- was emerging, I took off.
    LULU:  That's why you kept leaving us when we were kids.  You didn't want us to see Fluke.
    LUKE:  I didn't want Fluke to hurt my family.
    TRACY:  Something must have happened last year to make this Fluke take over full-time.
    LULU:  Didn't Heather Webber hold you captive in Miscavige and have your brains scrambled?
    LUKE:  All those drugs and electroshocks did the trick.  The memories came back and Fluke took over.   I gave into the dark side, the side of me that was just like Tim.   Fluke had some friends in low places--Julian Jerome, Cesar Faison, Helena Cassadine.   Fluke tried to kill my wife, my daughter, my nephew--twice!   The problem is, how do I keep the Fluke Monster in his cage?  
   TRACY:  I'm going to go get you a lawyer.
   LULU:  I love you, Daddy.  I'm going to let you get your rest.

    PATRICK'S HOUSE

    PATRICK:  Where's your stuff?
    SAM: It's in my car, at the garage.
    PATRICK:  How did you get here?
    SAM:  Jake gave me a ride on a motorcycle we found lying around the garage.
    PATRICK:  Of course.  Who cares if he remembers how to drive a motorcycle, or a car for that matter?
    SAM:  Patrick, don't you trust me?   Jake is just a friend.  I'm moving in with YOU, not him.   Besides, he's got a wife.
    PATRICK:  Enough Jake talk.  The kids are being babysat.  Let's have sex.
    SAM:  Works for me.   Let's do it.

    METROCOURT LOBBY
 
    SONNY:  Can I hang with my daughter for, like, two minutes?  Please?  Pretty please?
    SABRINA:  Mr. Corinthos, I really shouldn't.  If Michael sees you with him, he'll freak.
    SONNY:  You don't even have to let her out of her stroller.   Hey, Avery.  It's your daddy!   Do you miss me?   
    SABRINA:  I really have to go.  50 bucks says Michael is walking out of that elevator right now.
    MICHAEL:  (staggering out of elevator) Funny how a little booze cures the atchoos!   (sees Sonny) GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY SISTER!