The Easy Way Out

     Dante stops Valerie from killing Luke in a fit of grief-stricken, hysterical rage.   Luke, however, urges Valerie to end his emotional turmoil.   Lulu is upset that her father no longer wants to live.  A staggering Michael knocks over Avery/AJ's stroller, but Crypt Baby is unharmed.  Kiki expresses regret that they took their plan against Michael too far.   Carly pesters Jake about Hayden.  Meanwhile, Hayden is successful in getting Nikolas to have sex with her.  Ric persuades Liz to take him back. 

       HOSPITAL
  
      LUKE:  Valerie!  Just the person I want to apologize to.  
      VALERIE:  I am SO not accepting your apology, you mother-killer!  I have a ginormous axe to grind with you.  
       LUKE:  Fair enough.  If you want to kill me, go right ahead.  It's not like I can live with myself knowing what I did to my parents and that the Fluke Monster can emerge at any moment.  You kill me, you cage the Fluke Monster for good. 
      VALERIE:  So you WANT me to kill you?  What is this, some sort of perverse psychology?  
      LUKE:  But if you're gonna do the deed, make it look like I offed myself.
      VALERIE:  My mother was ALL I HAD and YOU TOOK HER AWAY FROM ME!   (Puts razor blade to Luke's throat)
      DANTE:  Valerie, don't do it!  
     VALERIE:  But he WANTS me to kill him.  I'm doing him a favor!  
      DANTE:  Luke, you suicidal coward!  Be a man and face your demons.  Don't let a young woman spend the rest of her life in Pentonville for your murder.  
      LULU:  Daddy, don't let her kill you!   I don't want you to die!
      DANTE:  Come on, Valerie.  Don't be doing the murder thing.  Just ask several of my relatives: Pentonville sucks!  (Takes blade from Valerie and leads her out of the room)
      LULU:  Daddy!   How could you BE so suicidal?   What about Tracy, what about Rocco, what about ME?  
      LUKE:  It's not like you're going to SEE much of me.  I'll be in P-ville for the foreseeable future.

     METROCOURT

    MICHAEL:  Step AWAY from the stroller!   YOU are NOT ALLOWED to be around MY SISTER!
    SONNY:  What's gotten into you, Michael?   Are you drunk?  
    MICHAEL:  That's nonnayadamnbizness!   GET AWAY FROM MY BABY SISTER!  (Knocks over Crypt Baby's stroller
    SABRINA:  OMG!  
    OLIVIA:  OMG!
   
    GARAGE

    CARLY:  Guess who!  You didn't think my long-lost aunt's sudden passing would mean you and your faux wife were going to slip away in wedded bliss now, did you?
    JAKE:  Hope springs eternal.  Look, Hayden says she's my wife, so she's my wife until proven to be not my wife. 
    CARLY:  I've got Spinelli on it. 
    JAKE:  You mean that bumbling, slightly creepy hacker friend of yours? 
    CARLY:  The very same one.  
    JAKE:  And what if he finds out Hayden really is my wife?
    CARLY:  If that happens, I'll sing "Let it Go" at the Nurses' Ball. 
    JAKE:  As tempting as that sounds, I'm pissed at you for going behind my back and being a major buttinsky. 
    CARLY:  I'm your friend.  Friends are allowed to be buttinskys. 

    HOSPITAL

    RIC: So will you take me back, Elizabeth?   Will ya?  Will ya?  Will ya? 
    LIZ:  I'm thinking about it.  But you need to not be pulling these shenanigans. 
    RIC:  I'll admit I pulled some stuff with Jake, but his wife showed up so no harm, no foul, you're free to be with ME. 
    LIZ:  No more lies?  
    RIC:  Let's be realistic.  
    LIZ:  Come on, Ric. 
    RIC:  As long as you'll have me back, no more lies, shenanigans, or skullduggery (fingers crossed behind back) 
     LIZ:  Okay, but I hope this doesn't bite me where the sun don't shine. 

    HAYDEN'S HOTEL ROOM
 
     HAYDEN:  So, Mr. Cassadine of the badass granny, you may think you have played me, but I know you're keeping a big fat secret of your own, so whaddaya say?  Sex? 
     NIKOLAS:  What the hell! 
     HAYDEN:  Still got it!  
     NIKOLAS:  (after sex):  So if it wasn't my grandmother, who's behind this "Mrs. Jake" scheme? 
     HAYDEN:  If sex with me makes you think of your grandmother, then I'm in trouble.   As to the brains behind my fake marriage to Jake, you're going to have to have a lot more sex with me to find that out.  Besides, you have a secret to keep of your own.  You know who Jake is.   I bet his real name is like,Stu Pidd.   If I had a name like that, I'd change it too. 

     METROCOURT

   KIKI:  Do you think we went too far with Michael?  
   MORGAN:  This is what we WANTED, Kiki.  Michael's smashed.  We got it on tape.  Judge gives Avery right back to Dad.  Simple as that.
   KIKI:  But I thought Michael was totally over me.  Maybe he's not.
   MORGAN:  Are you jonesing for him or for me?
   KIKI:  I'm on your side.  I think.
   FILM GUY:  Check this out!   (plays film of Michael knocking over Avery's stroller)
   KIKI:  OMG!  He knocked over Avery! 
   FILM GUY:  Chill!  The kid's fine!
   MORGAN:  Yeah, Avery's fine.  We WON!
   SONNY:  Any of you see Michael getting wasted up here?
   KIKI:  He had a drink when he confronted us, but I don't know how many he had before.
   MORGAN:  I think he got a little jealous of me and Kiki.  But Avery's okay, so everything is cool, right?

     Q MANSION
 
    SABRINA:  Michael, you need to get some rest.  You were freaking me out today.
    MICHAEL:  I freaked myself out.  If anything happened to AJ...
    SABRINA:  But it didn't.  Just get some rest and lay off the booze, okay?
    MICHAEL:  If you say so.  Thanks, Sabrina.