Maxie, Nathan, Lulu, Dante, Dillon, Valerie: Who has feelings for whom? Who's sleeping with whom "because it's in the script" and whose shenanigans in the sack are a(n) (in) conveniently overheard convo away from blowing up in their faces? The late 20s-early 30s set are weaving a tangled soap web and I guess it's a good thing Ellie and Spinelli are safely across the country in Portland or they'd be all tangled up in it as well.
Over in Mobsville, Paul, The Mobster D.A. is giving Anna a chance to come clean about offing Carrrrrrlos. Morgan leverages his body, especially one overactive organ between his legs, in a desperate effort to keep Ava from taking custody of Avery. Carly is not so thrilled that Michael sat down with The Five Families as the two talk Crypt Baby strategy while Patrick is a-fixin' Sonny's brain.
NATHAN'S BEDROOM
MAXIE: Sorry I can't have sex with you right now. I have to have sex with Dillon today, but it's strictly business.
NATHAN: Oh really?
MAXIE: It's in the script! Declan and Marjorie have a love scene. I'm Marjorie and Dillon's dad said Dillon should play Declan, so yeah, we're having fake movie sex.
NATHAN: I'm not so cool with this.
MAXIE: Well, it's kind of a job requirement.
NATHAN: Okay, if it makes you happy, but as long as you practice the scene with me first. That way, we can have sex and you can call it professional development.
HAUNTED STAR
LULU: So, are you ready to have scripted, choreographed sex with my bestie?
DILLON: Ready as I'll ever be.
LULU: You know Maxie's dating a cop, right?
DILLON: Yeah, and I hope he doesn't kick my ass or arrest me or anything.
LULU: If it's any consolation, I'm sure Valerie is jealous too.
DILLON: Maybe. I kind of forgot we were fake dating.
LULU: You'd BETTER be dating so you keep my cousin's claws out of my hubby!
ICU
VALERIE: I've been SO worried about you, Dante. How's your dad? Is he still alive?
DANTE: He's in surgery. Patrick is fixing his brain as we speak. Who knew that putting a ring on Carly's finger could send him into a seizure? At least that takes the heat off me.
VALERIE: Lulu told me you blamed yourself for Sonny's condition when you were TOTALLY blameless in what happened. Do you know who shot him?
DANTE: Michael said Ava said it was Carrrrrrrlos, but I'm not buying it. Carrrrrrrlos takes orders from the Jeromes.
VALERIE: You're so smart, Dante.
DANTE: I'm feeling all the guilt feels about us, Valerie. I almost told Lulu about our fireworks in bed on the Fourth of July.
VALERIE: If you told Lulu, she'd hate me FOREVER! She'd UN-COUSIN ME!
DANTE: It's best that I take this to my grave.
AVA'S PENTHOUSE
MORGAN: Don't take Avery away from Dad, Ava. It would KILL HIM!
AVA: Too bad. So Sad. NOT! Sonny has wanted me dead for over a year now. I'm taking my baby come hell or high water.
MORGAN: What if I offered my rockin' cougar-bait bod in exchange for my dad keeping Avery?
AVA: Nice try, but you told me you washed your hands of me.
MORGAN: I can unwash them as long as you let Dad keep Avery.
AVA: No dice, Morgan. I love your bod and all, but I love my daughter more.
SONNY'S HOUSE
CARLY: Why haven't we heard from Ric yet? How long can it take to get a court order to stop Ava from acting on HER court order?
MICHAEL: He's RIC LANSING, that's why! Oh, and Ava's mobbed up, not that it would help us keep Avery because Dad's a mobster too.
CARLY: You know this how?
MICHAEL: Because I sat down with the Five Families and Ava came waltzing in with her red cape dress and declared herself head of the Jerome organization.
CARLY: YOU sat down with THE FIVE FAMILIES???? THAT'S NOT COOL, MICHAEL!
MICHAEL: It was either me or Morgan and if Morgan went, to say all hell would have broken loose would be putting it mildly. We didn't want RIC representing us either.
CARLY: Okay, fine, but make it one and done with the mobster pow-wows, okay?
MICHAEL: Fair enough. By then, Dad would be able to do the sitting down himself. Patrick will fix Dad's brain, Mom. I know he will.
PAUL'S OFFICE
PAUL: Anna, I had an interesting convo with one Kyle Sloane yesterday (to himself) and it didn't end well for that poor drunken bastard.
ANNA: Oh?
PAUL: Mr. Sloane says you put a couple of bullets in Carrrrrrrlos Rivera.
ANNA: That's what he says?
PAUL: What says you, Anna?
ANNA: Well, Sloane was kind of hot for me and I shot him down.
PAUL: And he didn't take rejection very well, I suppose.
ANNA: That's one way of putting it.
PAUL: I'm glad we had this talk.
ICU
VALERIE: The truth is, Dante, I'm only fake-dating Dillon to take my mind off you.
HAUNTED STAR
DILLON: (to himself) You are not hot for Lulu. You are not hot for Lulu. You are not hot for...
SONNY'S HOUSE
MORGAN: I went over to Ava's to try to bribe her into letting you and dad keep Avery.
CARLY: What did you bribe her with, dare I ask?
MORGAN: My body.
CARLY: (to self) God, get some meds in this kid NOW!
AVA: Me. Baby. NOW!
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Tuesday, September 29, 2015
Search and Seizure
After Ava names Carrrrrrrrlos as Sonny's shooter, the search is on for our favorite departed grimy grease monkey...until a drunken Sloane calls in with a tip. During the bedside wedding, Sonny drops the ring and has a seizure. Nikolas and Hayden get an unexpected visitor at The Floating Rib. Sam is ready to move on from Jason. Julian has some questions for his mobster sis.
PCPD
MICHAEL: Hey Dillon's dad, are you the new D.A.?
PAUL: At your service.
MICHAEL: Bring me the head of Carrrrrrrrlos Rivera. He's the one who shot my dad.
DANTE: Say WHAAAAAAAAAAT? Where are you getting THIS information? What happened to Julian Jerome being Public Enemy #1?
MICHAEL: Looks like we were barking up the wrong tree. It was Carlos. Ava said so herself.
DANTE: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ava said so herself. Good one, bro!
PAUL: What says you, Anna? This Carlos fella murdered Lavery, so do you think he tried to take Corinthos out too?
SONNY'S ICU ROOM
SONNY: Um...I...Carly...ring...(starts convulsing)
CARLY: NOOOOOOOO! What's happening to him, Patrick? Is he going to DIE?
PATRICK: Outtamyway, Carly! I'm trying to save your almost husband here!
LIZ: (to herself) OMG, poor seizing Sonny! I feel so guilty about lying to Jason. Stop convulsing, Sonny. You're making my conscience go berserk!
JEROME PENTHOUSE
JULIAN: So, sis, how did you let me off the hook?
AVA: Simple, dear brother: I pinned the shooting on one Carrrrrrrlos Rrrrrrriverrrra.
JULIAN: Why would Carrrrrrrrlos shoot Sonny?
AVA: He was pissed at you for screwing him over.
JULIAN: Makes sense. Can you fly in that dress?
AVA: Ha ha, Jules! I won't be flying, but you will be. I'm ever so gently evicting you. Avery is coming home at last and this place just ain't big enough for the three of us.
JULIAN: Fair enough. I can go live with Alexis and miss Leo there.
AVA: So sorry, Jules. I totally forgot about poor Leo. I never got to meet him.
JULIAN: Neither did I and he was MY kid.
FLOATING RIB
HAYDEN: Come on now, Prince. Put on the bib so I can take a picture and put it on Instagram.
NIKOLAS: Cassadines don't do bibs. I didn't even put one on Spencer when he was a baby because Cassadines don't make messes.
HAYDEN: Didn't realize you were so afraid of rib bibs.
NIKOLAS: Cassadines aren't afraid of anything (puts bib on).
HAYDEN: Adorbs!
SLOANE: Screw you, Cassadine!
NIKOLAS: Intoxicated much, Sloane?
SLOANE: It's all YOUR fault I lost Anna. I was covering for YOUR smarmy ass!
HAYDEN: Take a load off, Mr. Sloane. Join us.
NOODLE BUDDHA
SAM: OMG, I'm totally over Jason now. It's a miracle!
JAKE: Are you sure? I mean the Chinese lady who is as old as Confucius seems to think the dude's still alive and that I'm him.
SAM: You heard Robert. His dear grandmother isn't Confucius. She's just confused. I am ready to move on with my life and accept Patrick's proposal. Farewell dragon and phoenix. Nice knowing you.
JAKE: Still, it's weird how many confused or drugged people think I'm this Jason character.
ICU
PATRICK: Carly, Sonny had a seizure.
CARLY: That much I figured out when he dropped the ring and started thrashing and jerking around. What caused it? Will he live?
PATRICK: It was the dreaded embolism. I need to do surgery STAT.
CARLY: OMG, Sonny! Please don't die!
PCPD
SLOANE: (over phone) Hey new D.A. guy. I know where Carrrrrrrrlos is. Anna plugged him. Come down to Pier 54 and I'll show you.
PAUL: I'm there. (to Anna) Nice talking to you, Anna. Gotta go take care of something.
ANNA: Okay. Nice catching up with you.
FLOATING RIB
NIKOLAS: I like you, Hayden, but I'm not sure I can trust you. I don't know that you don't remember who Jake is.
HAYDEN: The feeling is mutual, Nikolas. I don't believe your story that Helena told me who he is because I've never met the woman.
NIKOLAS: To mutual distrust!
PIER 54
SLOANE: Here's your key to all the evidence that Anna shot poor Carrrrrlos.
PAUL: That's a very inconvenient truth for me. Nice job helping my pal Janice rig the election, but I can't have you mucking up my plans to be the most corrupt D.A. this town has ever seen and it has seen countless corrupt D.A.s.
PAUL'S GUN: BANG! And BANG again!
PCPD
MICHAEL: Hey Dillon's dad, are you the new D.A.?
PAUL: At your service.
MICHAEL: Bring me the head of Carrrrrrrrlos Rivera. He's the one who shot my dad.
DANTE: Say WHAAAAAAAAAAT? Where are you getting THIS information? What happened to Julian Jerome being Public Enemy #1?
MICHAEL: Looks like we were barking up the wrong tree. It was Carlos. Ava said so herself.
DANTE: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ava said so herself. Good one, bro!
PAUL: What says you, Anna? This Carlos fella murdered Lavery, so do you think he tried to take Corinthos out too?
SONNY'S ICU ROOM
SONNY: Um...I...Carly...ring...(starts convulsing)
CARLY: NOOOOOOOO! What's happening to him, Patrick? Is he going to DIE?
PATRICK: Outtamyway, Carly! I'm trying to save your almost husband here!
LIZ: (to herself) OMG, poor seizing Sonny! I feel so guilty about lying to Jason. Stop convulsing, Sonny. You're making my conscience go berserk!
JEROME PENTHOUSE
JULIAN: So, sis, how did you let me off the hook?
AVA: Simple, dear brother: I pinned the shooting on one Carrrrrrrlos Rrrrrrriverrrra.
JULIAN: Why would Carrrrrrrrlos shoot Sonny?
AVA: He was pissed at you for screwing him over.
JULIAN: Makes sense. Can you fly in that dress?
AVA: Ha ha, Jules! I won't be flying, but you will be. I'm ever so gently evicting you. Avery is coming home at last and this place just ain't big enough for the three of us.
JULIAN: Fair enough. I can go live with Alexis and miss Leo there.
AVA: So sorry, Jules. I totally forgot about poor Leo. I never got to meet him.
JULIAN: Neither did I and he was MY kid.
FLOATING RIB
HAYDEN: Come on now, Prince. Put on the bib so I can take a picture and put it on Instagram.
NIKOLAS: Cassadines don't do bibs. I didn't even put one on Spencer when he was a baby because Cassadines don't make messes.
HAYDEN: Didn't realize you were so afraid of rib bibs.
NIKOLAS: Cassadines aren't afraid of anything (puts bib on).
HAYDEN: Adorbs!
SLOANE: Screw you, Cassadine!
NIKOLAS: Intoxicated much, Sloane?
SLOANE: It's all YOUR fault I lost Anna. I was covering for YOUR smarmy ass!
HAYDEN: Take a load off, Mr. Sloane. Join us.
NOODLE BUDDHA
SAM: OMG, I'm totally over Jason now. It's a miracle!
JAKE: Are you sure? I mean the Chinese lady who is as old as Confucius seems to think the dude's still alive and that I'm him.
SAM: You heard Robert. His dear grandmother isn't Confucius. She's just confused. I am ready to move on with my life and accept Patrick's proposal. Farewell dragon and phoenix. Nice knowing you.
JAKE: Still, it's weird how many confused or drugged people think I'm this Jason character.
ICU
PATRICK: Carly, Sonny had a seizure.
CARLY: That much I figured out when he dropped the ring and started thrashing and jerking around. What caused it? Will he live?
PATRICK: It was the dreaded embolism. I need to do surgery STAT.
CARLY: OMG, Sonny! Please don't die!
PCPD
SLOANE: (over phone) Hey new D.A. guy. I know where Carrrrrrrrlos is. Anna plugged him. Come down to Pier 54 and I'll show you.
PAUL: I'm there. (to Anna) Nice talking to you, Anna. Gotta go take care of something.
ANNA: Okay. Nice catching up with you.
FLOATING RIB
NIKOLAS: I like you, Hayden, but I'm not sure I can trust you. I don't know that you don't remember who Jake is.
HAYDEN: The feeling is mutual, Nikolas. I don't believe your story that Helena told me who he is because I've never met the woman.
NIKOLAS: To mutual distrust!
PIER 54
SLOANE: Here's your key to all the evidence that Anna shot poor Carrrrrlos.
PAUL: That's a very inconvenient truth for me. Nice job helping my pal Janice rig the election, but I can't have you mucking up my plans to be the most corrupt D.A. this town has ever seen and it has seen countless corrupt D.A.s.
PAUL'S GUN: BANG! And BANG again!
Monday, September 28, 2015
2 Tired 2 Blog 2Night.
Sorry, but there will be no General Hilarity blog tonight because I'm too dang tired after running errands this morning and harvesting grapes this afternoon. All I can say is that I don't think I've ever heard as much Chinese on an episode of GH. 'Till tomorrow!
Friday, September 25, 2015
Sit Down...Or Lie Down and Fall Asleep.
Today's show was about as interesting as yesterday's, which isn't saying much. The mob has a place on GH, but when it's front and center for too long, it gets to be tiresome. The Jake/Jason story is also dragging. The reveal that Jake is Jason can't come soon enough for me. It's been OVER A YEAR!
SONNY'S ROOM
CARLY: Bad news, Sonny. Ava's been sprung by your idiot brother who lost The Recording!
SONNY: You mean she's getting away with MURDERING CONNIE? Or was it Kate that she murdered? If it was both, then that's DOUBLE MURDER!
CARLY: It gets worse. She has a court order and she's coming after Avery.
SONNY: LIKE HELL SHE IS!
AVERY: Hi! YAY! GA GA YA YA SON OF A BITCH!
PIER
PAUL: Here's what you're gonna do, Ava: You're gonna go to a sit-down with the 5 families and throw your brother under the bus.
AVA: BWAHAHAHAHAHA! How about I throw YOU under the bus instead?
PAUL: Two words: The Recording.
AVA: DAMMIT!
OUTSIDE SONNY'S ROOM
RIC: I need to talk to Sonny.
MICHAEL: Whatever you can say to Sonny, you can say to us.
MORGAN: Yeah, RIC! You gotta go through US first.
RIC: I'm going to represent him at a 5 Families sit-down and I need him to give me the script.
MORGAN: I am going to the sit-down you son of a bitch! I have the Corinthos name.
RIC: YOU'RE mentally unstable.
MICHAEL: Ric, you're not going anywhere except to court to stop Ava from taking my dad's daughter away from him. Morgan, Ric is right. You do have a screw loose. I'll go.
MORGAN: SCREW both of you !
NOODLE BUDDHA
SAM: Jake, I can't get over Jason.
JAKE: You're not the only one. This whole damn town can't get over him. Ever thought of forming a support group or something?
SAM: Remember these guys? The Dragon and The Phoenix.
JAKE: All too well. I stole your Phoenix and you freaked.
SAM: I think Jason might still be alive.
JAKE: Say WHAAAAAAAAAT?
HOSPITAL
PATRICK: Sam turned down my proposal.
LIZ: So? Ask again. Maybe her horoscope told her not to accept any proposals that day.
PATRICK: Not her horoscope exactly. It was the ghost of Jason.
LIZ: The best way to get rid of that ghost is to marry her. Keep asking until she breaks down and says yes!
PATRICK: Pushy much?
JULIAN'S PENTHOUSE
ALEXIS: Sam turned down Patrick's proposal? What, is she NUTS?
JULIAN: She's pining for the ghost of this Jason dude everyone in this town seems to worship.
ALEXIS: It always comes back to Jason for her.
JULIAN: For the record, I'm team Patrick. That Jason guy was a mobster.
ALEXIS: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
FIVE FAMILIES SIT-DOWN
MICHAEL: I am Michael Corinthos III, representing the Corinthos family as a temp mobster.
AVA: Am I late?
MEDIATOR: Serge is late. As in dearly departed. And you're sitting in his chair.
AVA: Do you wanna know who shot Sonny or don't you?
SONNY'S ROOM
CARLY: Bad news, Sonny. Ava's been sprung by your idiot brother who lost The Recording!
SONNY: You mean she's getting away with MURDERING CONNIE? Or was it Kate that she murdered? If it was both, then that's DOUBLE MURDER!
CARLY: It gets worse. She has a court order and she's coming after Avery.
SONNY: LIKE HELL SHE IS!
AVERY: Hi! YAY! GA GA YA YA SON OF A BITCH!
PIER
PAUL: Here's what you're gonna do, Ava: You're gonna go to a sit-down with the 5 families and throw your brother under the bus.
AVA: BWAHAHAHAHAHA! How about I throw YOU under the bus instead?
PAUL: Two words: The Recording.
AVA: DAMMIT!
OUTSIDE SONNY'S ROOM
RIC: I need to talk to Sonny.
MICHAEL: Whatever you can say to Sonny, you can say to us.
MORGAN: Yeah, RIC! You gotta go through US first.
RIC: I'm going to represent him at a 5 Families sit-down and I need him to give me the script.
MORGAN: I am going to the sit-down you son of a bitch! I have the Corinthos name.
RIC: YOU'RE mentally unstable.
MICHAEL: Ric, you're not going anywhere except to court to stop Ava from taking my dad's daughter away from him. Morgan, Ric is right. You do have a screw loose. I'll go.
MORGAN: SCREW both of you !
NOODLE BUDDHA
SAM: Jake, I can't get over Jason.
JAKE: You're not the only one. This whole damn town can't get over him. Ever thought of forming a support group or something?
SAM: Remember these guys? The Dragon and The Phoenix.
JAKE: All too well. I stole your Phoenix and you freaked.
SAM: I think Jason might still be alive.
JAKE: Say WHAAAAAAAAAT?
HOSPITAL
PATRICK: Sam turned down my proposal.
LIZ: So? Ask again. Maybe her horoscope told her not to accept any proposals that day.
PATRICK: Not her horoscope exactly. It was the ghost of Jason.
LIZ: The best way to get rid of that ghost is to marry her. Keep asking until she breaks down and says yes!
PATRICK: Pushy much?
JULIAN'S PENTHOUSE
ALEXIS: Sam turned down Patrick's proposal? What, is she NUTS?
JULIAN: She's pining for the ghost of this Jason dude everyone in this town seems to worship.
ALEXIS: It always comes back to Jason for her.
JULIAN: For the record, I'm team Patrick. That Jason guy was a mobster.
ALEXIS: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
FIVE FAMILIES SIT-DOWN
MICHAEL: I am Michael Corinthos III, representing the Corinthos family as a temp mobster.
AVA: Am I late?
MEDIATOR: Serge is late. As in dearly departed. And you're sitting in his chair.
AVA: Do you wanna know who shot Sonny or don't you?
Thursday, September 24, 2015
The Gospel of Jason
Gonna be a quick post today because today's show just didn't inspire me all that much.
AVA: Gimme my baby! I have a court order!
CARLY: Like hell I'm going to hand Avery over to you, you sociopath. Besides you need to give Sonny 24 hours notice, SO THERE!
MORGAN: Yeah, SO THERE!
SAM: Dad, I still miss Jason.
JULIAN: He must have walked on water the way everyone in this town talks about him. Oh, and leave the chasing the bad guys to me.
ALEXIS: Julian is INNOCENT!
PAUL: Maybe he is. I'll look into it.
JAKE: Funny thing: Sonny mistook me for Jason yesterday.
MICHAEL: That's weird. Must have been the drugs.
PATRICK: You're doing great, Sonny, except for hallucinating that Jake was Jason.
SONNY: He may not be Jason, but he sure as hell acts kinda like him.
AVA: Gimme my baby! I have a court order!
CARLY: Like hell I'm going to hand Avery over to you, you sociopath. Besides you need to give Sonny 24 hours notice, SO THERE!
MORGAN: Yeah, SO THERE!
SAM: Dad, I still miss Jason.
JULIAN: He must have walked on water the way everyone in this town talks about him. Oh, and leave the chasing the bad guys to me.
ALEXIS: Julian is INNOCENT!
PAUL: Maybe he is. I'll look into it.
JAKE: Funny thing: Sonny mistook me for Jason yesterday.
MICHAEL: That's weird. Must have been the drugs.
PATRICK: You're doing great, Sonny, except for hallucinating that Jake was Jason.
SONNY: He may not be Jason, but he sure as hell acts kinda like him.
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
Save The Date
Liz and Jake decide on November 6 for their wedding because it's the first anniversary of when Jake moved in. Sam feels all the feels about Jason, but reassures Patrick that she will marry him at some point. Carly and Michael try to get Morgan to see a shrink, but he's not having it. Julian asks Ava to help him find out who shot Sonny and set him up to take the fall. Paul fills Dillon in on his new job.
OUTSIDE SONNY'S ROOM IN THE ICU
CARLY: Morgan, you have to see a shrink.
MICHAEL: What she said.
MORGAN: No way, no how! My head don't need shrinkin'.
CARLY: Like HELL it doesn't! You were about to kill somebody!
MICHAEL: And IN FRONT OF A WITNESS! Not very mobster of you, little bro.
MORGAN: If I don't protect Dad from Julian, who will?
MICHAEL: What if it was Ava who did it?
CARLY: Hmmmm...well, she did hate Sonny.
Q MANSION
PAUL: You're looking at the new D.A.
DILLON: Congrats, Dad! How do you feel about taking on the likes of the Jeromes?
PAUL: Not to mention the Corinthoses.
DILLON: But Sonny is the GOOD mobster. The Jeromes are the bad guys.
PAUL: Well, that Ava is a real piece of work.
DILLON: Are you ready to lock her up and throw away the key?
PAUL: I'll deal with those Jeromes, son. I have big plans for them.
DILLON: Hey, thanks for saving my movie from being shut down. I still need to find someone to play Declan.
PAUL: How about me? Ha ha! Just kidding. I know I'm not in the right, shall we say, demographic? But you should play him yourself.
LIZ'S BEDROOM
JAKE: Why was I dreaming about a wedding? That's so weird. Kinda like when Sonny called me Jason yesterday.
LIZ: Blame it on the morphine.
JAKE: That explains Sonny, but what about the wedding dream? Am I remembering who I really am?
LIZ: Nah, you're just excited about marrying ME! You know what would be fun? An insta-wedding! Let's get married TODAY! In 5 minutes. Chop chop!
JAKE: Nah, I wouldn't want to steal Sonny and Carly's thunder. How about November 6th?
LIZ: What's the deal with November 6th?
JAKE: It's when The Peanuts Movie comes out. You know how much of a Charlie Brown sympathizer I am. He can't do anything right. I can't remember anything from the first 35-odd years of my life. And it's when I got sprung from GH and came to live with you instead of being what Dr. O would call a homeless indigent.
LIZ: Okay, celebrating not being under Obrecht's thumb is good enough for me. November 6th it is.
PATRICK AND SAM'S BEDROOM
PATRICK: La la la la la Be careful what you wish for! La la la la la!
SAM: Your guitar playing is so sexy. It almost made me forget about being sad about Jason. Almost.
PATRICK: Sorry about that ambush proposal.
SAM: No sweat. It's not your job to keep up with my anniversaries with my ghost hubby. I have the dragon and the phoenix to count on for that.
PATRICK: Oh yeah, that damn phoenix. What did he and his dragon buddy tell you?
SAM: That having sex with ghosts is never a good idea. That's why I want to have sex with YOU.
PATRICK: Okay, just ONCE and then I have some brains to fix and spines to heal. Oh, and injured mobsters to check up on.
SAM'S OLD PENTHOUSE
ALEXIS: Julian, you need to go into hiding because if Morgan tries to kill you again, he might kill me first because I'll have a stroke.
JULIAN: Hiding's no fun if I don't have you.
ALEXIS: That's sweet, but I don't think Lucas or Sam will want you taking your chances with your life.
JULIAN'S PENTHOUSE
SCOTT: So, I see you've washed that DiMuccio right out of your hair and sent it on its way. Still freaking out about the recording?
AVA: That's been taken care of.
SCOTT: Oh really? Then where are my 5 million bucks?
AVA: It wasn't YOU who took care of that recording for me, so you're not seeing a penny of that 5 million dollars.
SCOTT: You want to see your daughter again?
AVA: Is the Pope Catholic?
SCOTT: Yes he is and he's in Washington DC as we speak. I don't work for free, Ava.
AVA; Fine, 1 million for the return of Avery TONIGHT. Take it or leave it.
JULIAN: Nice to see you again, sis. I liked you better than that DiMuccio character anyway.
AVA: Thank you, Julian. Where were you last night, by the way?
JULIAN: Nearly getting killed by your ex. That kid's seriously out of control, sis.
AVA: MORGAN tried to kill you?
JULIAN: Michael showed up and talked him down or I wouldn't be standing here right now. He thinks I shot his father and YOU are going to help me set the record straight. We gotta find out who REALLY shot Sonny before somebody else in Sonny's camp tries to make fish food out of me.
AVA: Hmmmm, now who would set you up?
JULIAN: Got any ideas?
AVA: I'll ask around.
OUTSIDE SONNY'S ROOM IN THE ICU
SABRINA: Look who I found!
AVERY: YAY!
CARLY: Sonny is going to do backflips when he sees you, Avery. Well, not literally, we hope.
AVERY: DA DA!
CARLY: Da Da is sleeeeeeeeeping.
AVERY: MA MA!
CARLY: Yes, I'm your mommy now.
AVA: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
AVERY: MA MA! MA MA MA MA MA MA!
OUTSIDE SONNY'S ROOM IN THE ICU
CARLY: Morgan, you have to see a shrink.
MICHAEL: What she said.
MORGAN: No way, no how! My head don't need shrinkin'.
CARLY: Like HELL it doesn't! You were about to kill somebody!
MICHAEL: And IN FRONT OF A WITNESS! Not very mobster of you, little bro.
MORGAN: If I don't protect Dad from Julian, who will?
MICHAEL: What if it was Ava who did it?
CARLY: Hmmmm...well, she did hate Sonny.
Q MANSION
PAUL: You're looking at the new D.A.
DILLON: Congrats, Dad! How do you feel about taking on the likes of the Jeromes?
PAUL: Not to mention the Corinthoses.
DILLON: But Sonny is the GOOD mobster. The Jeromes are the bad guys.
PAUL: Well, that Ava is a real piece of work.
DILLON: Are you ready to lock her up and throw away the key?
PAUL: I'll deal with those Jeromes, son. I have big plans for them.
DILLON: Hey, thanks for saving my movie from being shut down. I still need to find someone to play Declan.
PAUL: How about me? Ha ha! Just kidding. I know I'm not in the right, shall we say, demographic? But you should play him yourself.
LIZ'S BEDROOM
JAKE: Why was I dreaming about a wedding? That's so weird. Kinda like when Sonny called me Jason yesterday.
LIZ: Blame it on the morphine.
JAKE: That explains Sonny, but what about the wedding dream? Am I remembering who I really am?
LIZ: Nah, you're just excited about marrying ME! You know what would be fun? An insta-wedding! Let's get married TODAY! In 5 minutes. Chop chop!
JAKE: Nah, I wouldn't want to steal Sonny and Carly's thunder. How about November 6th?
LIZ: What's the deal with November 6th?
JAKE: It's when The Peanuts Movie comes out. You know how much of a Charlie Brown sympathizer I am. He can't do anything right. I can't remember anything from the first 35-odd years of my life. And it's when I got sprung from GH and came to live with you instead of being what Dr. O would call a homeless indigent.
LIZ: Okay, celebrating not being under Obrecht's thumb is good enough for me. November 6th it is.
PATRICK AND SAM'S BEDROOM
PATRICK: La la la la la Be careful what you wish for! La la la la la!
SAM: Your guitar playing is so sexy. It almost made me forget about being sad about Jason. Almost.
PATRICK: Sorry about that ambush proposal.
SAM: No sweat. It's not your job to keep up with my anniversaries with my ghost hubby. I have the dragon and the phoenix to count on for that.
PATRICK: Oh yeah, that damn phoenix. What did he and his dragon buddy tell you?
SAM: That having sex with ghosts is never a good idea. That's why I want to have sex with YOU.
PATRICK: Okay, just ONCE and then I have some brains to fix and spines to heal. Oh, and injured mobsters to check up on.
SAM'S OLD PENTHOUSE
ALEXIS: Julian, you need to go into hiding because if Morgan tries to kill you again, he might kill me first because I'll have a stroke.
JULIAN: Hiding's no fun if I don't have you.
ALEXIS: That's sweet, but I don't think Lucas or Sam will want you taking your chances with your life.
JULIAN'S PENTHOUSE
SCOTT: So, I see you've washed that DiMuccio right out of your hair and sent it on its way. Still freaking out about the recording?
AVA: That's been taken care of.
SCOTT: Oh really? Then where are my 5 million bucks?
AVA: It wasn't YOU who took care of that recording for me, so you're not seeing a penny of that 5 million dollars.
SCOTT: You want to see your daughter again?
AVA: Is the Pope Catholic?
SCOTT: Yes he is and he's in Washington DC as we speak. I don't work for free, Ava.
AVA; Fine, 1 million for the return of Avery TONIGHT. Take it or leave it.
JULIAN: Nice to see you again, sis. I liked you better than that DiMuccio character anyway.
AVA: Thank you, Julian. Where were you last night, by the way?
JULIAN: Nearly getting killed by your ex. That kid's seriously out of control, sis.
AVA: MORGAN tried to kill you?
JULIAN: Michael showed up and talked him down or I wouldn't be standing here right now. He thinks I shot his father and YOU are going to help me set the record straight. We gotta find out who REALLY shot Sonny before somebody else in Sonny's camp tries to make fish food out of me.
AVA: Hmmmm, now who would set you up?
JULIAN: Got any ideas?
AVA: I'll ask around.
OUTSIDE SONNY'S ROOM IN THE ICU
SABRINA: Look who I found!
AVERY: YAY!
CARLY: Sonny is going to do backflips when he sees you, Avery. Well, not literally, we hope.
AVERY: DA DA!
CARLY: Da Da is sleeeeeeeeeping.
AVERY: MA MA!
CARLY: Yes, I'm your mommy now.
AVA: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
AVERY: MA MA! MA MA MA MA MA MA!
Tuesday, September 22, 2015
Daddy Issues
The male parental unit featured heavily today in The Chuckles. Maxie and Dillon talked absentee dads while Michael talked Morgan out of avenging their hospitalized one. Jake and Carly play along when Sonny insists Jake is Jason, making Liz verrrrrrry nervous. Paul and Ava come to an agreement. Ric gets the pink slip from Mayor Lomax and Paul is set to take his place as the D.A.
LAKE HOUSE
MICHAEL: CRAP, I'm here too late. You killed him.
MORGAN: Nah, I just thought it would look more badass if I had him down on the floor begging for his life. He hit his head trying to steal my gun. I'm still fixin' to kill him.
MICHAEL: Don't do it, Morgan! P-ville sucks like nothing you've ever seen, man.
MORGAN: Must. Avenge. Dad.
MICHAEL: News flash, kid bro: Dad DOESN'T WANT you to kill Julian.
MORGAN: It's for Dad's own good. If I don't kill this sonovabitch, he'll finish Dad off.
JULIAN: How can I finish what I never started? For the 3,647th time, I. DIDN'T. SHOOT. SONNY.
MICHAEL: Just put the damn gun down, Morgan!
ALEXIS: Listen to your big brother. He's smarter than you!
MORGAN: DAMMIT, MIKEY! (Puts gun down)
MICHAEL: Hey Julian! (kicks Julian in the butt) I just kicked your ass! Consider this a warning from Michael CORINTHOS. Yes, that's CORINTHOS.
ICU
SONNY: Where's JASON? Jason needs to find my boys.
LIZ: It's the morphine talking, Carly. Hallucinations go with the territory.
CARLY: I say we play along. Easier than arguing with him, believe me!
JAKE: Oh, goody! I get to pretend to be Jason!
JULIAN'S APARTMENT
AVA: You want me to wear a target on my back? I'll get you drunk, knock you out and snatch that recording before I become your stooge.
PAUL: Don't look at it as being a target. Look at it as putting your skills as a Badass Lady Mobster to work. You're way better at being badass than your brother.
AVA: I have bigger fish to fry. Like getting my daughter back.
PAUL: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You have a better chance of clocking me and stealing that recording! There is no way in HELL Sonny and Carly are going to let you have that kid. Not without MY help. You in or are you out? By the way, I'm the new D.A. It pays to have connections and a mayor who wants a piece of me.
AVA: I'm intrigued. Have your people call my people.
Q MANSION
DILLON: I don't know whether or not I should trust my dad.
MAXIE: I can relate. My dad is Frisco Jones. You know, Saver Of The World. I see him once in a blue moon, but he always answers my texts.
DILLON: But what if my dad takes off and forgets about me for another 25-odd years?
MAXIE: Better to have loved your dad and lost your dad than to never have loved your dad at all. Oh, and make sure he has your cell number.
SAM'S OLD PENTHOUSE
TJ: Hey, Molly's dad. What's up?
RIC: Just cooling my heels while Carly has me banned from the hospital. How about you?
TJ: Just told Michael where Morgan is after I told Morgan where Julian is so I don't know if Julian is dead or if Morgan's going to kill me next.
RIC: Don't sweat it, kid. You did what you had to do.
TJ: Julian is scum. I know Molly's mom loves him and all, but he is scum for shooting Sonny.
RIC: He is scum.
ICU
SONNY: Jason, you have to find my sons.
JAKE: Will do. I will save the day!
SONNY: I knew you would, Jason.
SAM'S OLD PENTHOUSE
TJ: What just happened?
RIC: I got fired.
TJ: That sucks. Should I tell Molly?
RIC: I'll save you the trouble and tell her myself.
ICU
JAKE: Well, I'm going to do my Jason duty and find Michael and Morgan.
LIZ: Oh no you don't, fiance! You'll get shot!
CARLY: Really, Elizabeth?
MICHAEL: No need to find us. We're here. Julian's still breathing and Morgan's not a murderer.
CARLY: Thank GOD! Now go tell your father so he can stop hallucinating about Jason.
MICHAEL: Dad, we're back.
MORGAN: I didn't kill Julian cuz Michael said you didn't want me to do it.
SONNY: You came through for me, Jason! I knew you would!
LAKE HOUSE
MICHAEL: CRAP, I'm here too late. You killed him.
MORGAN: Nah, I just thought it would look more badass if I had him down on the floor begging for his life. He hit his head trying to steal my gun. I'm still fixin' to kill him.
MICHAEL: Don't do it, Morgan! P-ville sucks like nothing you've ever seen, man.
MORGAN: Must. Avenge. Dad.
MICHAEL: News flash, kid bro: Dad DOESN'T WANT you to kill Julian.
MORGAN: It's for Dad's own good. If I don't kill this sonovabitch, he'll finish Dad off.
JULIAN: How can I finish what I never started? For the 3,647th time, I. DIDN'T. SHOOT. SONNY.
MICHAEL: Just put the damn gun down, Morgan!
ALEXIS: Listen to your big brother. He's smarter than you!
MORGAN: DAMMIT, MIKEY! (Puts gun down)
MICHAEL: Hey Julian! (kicks Julian in the butt) I just kicked your ass! Consider this a warning from Michael CORINTHOS. Yes, that's CORINTHOS.
ICU
SONNY: Where's JASON? Jason needs to find my boys.
LIZ: It's the morphine talking, Carly. Hallucinations go with the territory.
CARLY: I say we play along. Easier than arguing with him, believe me!
JAKE: Oh, goody! I get to pretend to be Jason!
JULIAN'S APARTMENT
AVA: You want me to wear a target on my back? I'll get you drunk, knock you out and snatch that recording before I become your stooge.
PAUL: Don't look at it as being a target. Look at it as putting your skills as a Badass Lady Mobster to work. You're way better at being badass than your brother.
AVA: I have bigger fish to fry. Like getting my daughter back.
PAUL: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You have a better chance of clocking me and stealing that recording! There is no way in HELL Sonny and Carly are going to let you have that kid. Not without MY help. You in or are you out? By the way, I'm the new D.A. It pays to have connections and a mayor who wants a piece of me.
AVA: I'm intrigued. Have your people call my people.
Q MANSION
DILLON: I don't know whether or not I should trust my dad.
MAXIE: I can relate. My dad is Frisco Jones. You know, Saver Of The World. I see him once in a blue moon, but he always answers my texts.
DILLON: But what if my dad takes off and forgets about me for another 25-odd years?
MAXIE: Better to have loved your dad and lost your dad than to never have loved your dad at all. Oh, and make sure he has your cell number.
SAM'S OLD PENTHOUSE
TJ: Hey, Molly's dad. What's up?
RIC: Just cooling my heels while Carly has me banned from the hospital. How about you?
TJ: Just told Michael where Morgan is after I told Morgan where Julian is so I don't know if Julian is dead or if Morgan's going to kill me next.
RIC: Don't sweat it, kid. You did what you had to do.
TJ: Julian is scum. I know Molly's mom loves him and all, but he is scum for shooting Sonny.
RIC: He is scum.
ICU
SONNY: Jason, you have to find my sons.
JAKE: Will do. I will save the day!
SONNY: I knew you would, Jason.
SAM'S OLD PENTHOUSE
TJ: What just happened?
RIC: I got fired.
TJ: That sucks. Should I tell Molly?
RIC: I'll save you the trouble and tell her myself.
ICU
JAKE: Well, I'm going to do my Jason duty and find Michael and Morgan.
LIZ: Oh no you don't, fiance! You'll get shot!
CARLY: Really, Elizabeth?
MICHAEL: No need to find us. We're here. Julian's still breathing and Morgan's not a murderer.
CARLY: Thank GOD! Now go tell your father so he can stop hallucinating about Jason.
MICHAEL: Dad, we're back.
MORGAN: I didn't kill Julian cuz Michael said you didn't want me to do it.
SONNY: You came through for me, Jason! I knew you would!
Monday, September 21, 2015
Poor, Clueless Morgan!
He's out there (literally) gunning for Julian when the real culprit in his father's shooting is dangling a flash drive in front of Ava in exchange for being the face of the Jerome organization. Paul Hornsby has been one pulling the strings behind the latest of about 535,206 attacks on Sonny's "organization". Maxie is very curious about Tracy's relationship with Paul. Sonny frets about Michael and Morgan from his hospital bed and throws a monkey wrench into Liz's plans by insisting that Jake is Jason. Sam defers Patrick's marriage proposal because she and Jason married at a Chinese restaurant four years ago the following day. Michael begs TJ to tell him where Morgan went, but Michael may have arrived too late.
LAKE HOUSE
MORGAN: Gotcha, Julian! You shot my dad and now I'm fixin' to shoot YOU. Prepare to DIE!
ALEXIS: Morgan, stop with this gun-waving, ranting and raving insanity!
JULIAN: Two can play at this game. (pulls out his own gun)
MORGAN: Drop the gun, Julian, or you die RIGHT NOW!
JULIAN: What's the diff, kid? You're gonna kill me anyway, right?
MORGAN: Drop it and kick it to me NOW!
JULIAN: (drops the gun and kicks it to Morgan) For the record, I didn't shoot your dad. Mob violence is highly overrated.
MORGAN: PFFFFFFT! Once a mobster, always a mobster, right Alexis? You should know. You slept with enough of them.
ALEXIS: If you kill Julian, you go to P-ville and your dad dies of a guilt-induced heart attack.
MORGAN: PFFFFFFFFT! I'm doing Dad proud by following in his footsteps. Prepare to meet your maker, Julian!
SAM'S OLD PENTHOUSE
MICHAEL: TJ, where's Julian?
TJ: He doesn't live here.
MICHAEL: But Alexis does and wherever she goes, he goes, so start talking.
TJ: What's it to you where Julian is?
MICHAEL: Only my brother about to commit a felony that will condemn him to life in the federal pen, that's all. Where's Morgan?
TJ: He made me promise not to tell you. He had a gun, man. If I didn't do what he said, I wouldn't be here talking to you right now.
MICHAEL: Do you SEE Morgan anywhere right now? Is he hiding behind the sofa waiting to pounce if you tell his brother where he is?
TJ: Fine. He went to some lakehouse where Alexis took Julian to hide him from, well, Morgan.
ICU
CARLY: Jake, I'm worried about Morgan. And Michael out there chasing Morgan down. Hell, I'm even worried about Alexis if she's anywhere near Julian and I don't even like her that much.
JAKE: What can I do to save the day? Should I chase after Michael and help him chase after Morgan who is hunting Julian down or should I go in Sonny's room and stop him from having a stroke? Your pick.
CARLY: You don't have to be such a hero for li'l ol' ME.
JAKE: I'm bored. Dodging bullets is such an adrenaline rush for me and I need my fix.
PATRICK AND SAM'S HOUSE
PATRICK: So, will you marry me?
SAM: Could your timing be worse? Tomorrow is Jason and my 4th anniversary.
PATRICK: Worst. Proposal. Response. Ever.
SAM: Would you take a raincheck?
PATRICK: Do I have a choice?
SAM: Nope.
PATRICK: Okay. I'll wait until after you celebrate with Chinese food with Jason's ghost before I ask again.
HOSPITAL
SONNY: I can't relax, Carly. Morgan's going to get himself thrown in the hoosegow and Michael's out God-knows-where trying to talk some sense into him.
CARLY: Yeah, that whole situation sucks, but hey, Kristina's back! That should count for something.
LIZ: Time for your meds, Sonny. I have some nice, fresh morphine for you because you need some R & R.
SONNY: With all due respect, Elizabeth, I can do without the dope. Where's Jason?
LIZ: Are you experiencing any hallucinations, Sonny?
SONNY: I need to see Jason.
Q MANSION
MAXIE: So, Tracy, are you and Paul a thing now?
TRACY: What decade are you living in? Paul and I haven't been a "thing" since the early '90s.
MAXIE: Don't tell me you weren't a teeny, tiny bit jealous when Paul went on and on about how Mayor Lomax had a thing for him.
TRACY: Me? Jealous of Battleax Lomax? I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.
DILLON: Don't mind Maxie, mom. Cupid is her middle name. I say, where my dad is concerned, the light is yellow. Proceed with caution.
MAXIE: Don't listen to him, Tracy. The light has never been greener.
JULIAN'S APARTMENT
AVA: Who the hell are you and why are you dangling my murder confession in front of my face?
PAUL: The name's Hornsby. Paul Hornsby. I'm the new mobster in town and I have plans for you, Ava Jerome. Big plans.
AVA: Can we skip to the part where you tell me what I need to do to get my hands on that recording that holds the key to my freedom? Pay you off? Sleep with you?
PAUL: No money, no sex, but don't take that the wrong way. I need you to be the target for whatever mob mayhem I may cause while I'm running the Jerome organization.
AVA: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
PAUL: Lest you forget what I am holding in my pocket...
AVA: Fine. Now gimme that recording before I change my mind.
LAKE HOUSE
ALEXIS: If you're gonna shoot Julian, you're gonna have to go through ME first.
MORGAN: Don't tempt me, Alexis. I know you're my sister's mom and all, but you threw in with my dad's shooter, so you're kinda in the doghouse with me right now.
JULIAN: Beat it, Alexis. I don't want you to take a dirt nap because of me.
ALEXIS: I would DIE for you, Julian!
JULIAN: Not on my watch! Now scram!
MICHAEL: Alexis? Morgan in there?
ALEXIS: OMG! He's going to shoot my boyfriend!
MORGAN'S GUN: BANG!
LAKE HOUSE
MORGAN: Gotcha, Julian! You shot my dad and now I'm fixin' to shoot YOU. Prepare to DIE!
ALEXIS: Morgan, stop with this gun-waving, ranting and raving insanity!
JULIAN: Two can play at this game. (pulls out his own gun)
MORGAN: Drop the gun, Julian, or you die RIGHT NOW!
JULIAN: What's the diff, kid? You're gonna kill me anyway, right?
MORGAN: Drop it and kick it to me NOW!
JULIAN: (drops the gun and kicks it to Morgan) For the record, I didn't shoot your dad. Mob violence is highly overrated.
MORGAN: PFFFFFFT! Once a mobster, always a mobster, right Alexis? You should know. You slept with enough of them.
ALEXIS: If you kill Julian, you go to P-ville and your dad dies of a guilt-induced heart attack.
MORGAN: PFFFFFFFFT! I'm doing Dad proud by following in his footsteps. Prepare to meet your maker, Julian!
SAM'S OLD PENTHOUSE
MICHAEL: TJ, where's Julian?
TJ: He doesn't live here.
MICHAEL: But Alexis does and wherever she goes, he goes, so start talking.
TJ: What's it to you where Julian is?
MICHAEL: Only my brother about to commit a felony that will condemn him to life in the federal pen, that's all. Where's Morgan?
TJ: He made me promise not to tell you. He had a gun, man. If I didn't do what he said, I wouldn't be here talking to you right now.
MICHAEL: Do you SEE Morgan anywhere right now? Is he hiding behind the sofa waiting to pounce if you tell his brother where he is?
TJ: Fine. He went to some lakehouse where Alexis took Julian to hide him from, well, Morgan.
ICU
CARLY: Jake, I'm worried about Morgan. And Michael out there chasing Morgan down. Hell, I'm even worried about Alexis if she's anywhere near Julian and I don't even like her that much.
JAKE: What can I do to save the day? Should I chase after Michael and help him chase after Morgan who is hunting Julian down or should I go in Sonny's room and stop him from having a stroke? Your pick.
CARLY: You don't have to be such a hero for li'l ol' ME.
JAKE: I'm bored. Dodging bullets is such an adrenaline rush for me and I need my fix.
PATRICK AND SAM'S HOUSE
PATRICK: So, will you marry me?
SAM: Could your timing be worse? Tomorrow is Jason and my 4th anniversary.
PATRICK: Worst. Proposal. Response. Ever.
SAM: Would you take a raincheck?
PATRICK: Do I have a choice?
SAM: Nope.
PATRICK: Okay. I'll wait until after you celebrate with Chinese food with Jason's ghost before I ask again.
HOSPITAL
SONNY: I can't relax, Carly. Morgan's going to get himself thrown in the hoosegow and Michael's out God-knows-where trying to talk some sense into him.
CARLY: Yeah, that whole situation sucks, but hey, Kristina's back! That should count for something.
LIZ: Time for your meds, Sonny. I have some nice, fresh morphine for you because you need some R & R.
SONNY: With all due respect, Elizabeth, I can do without the dope. Where's Jason?
LIZ: Are you experiencing any hallucinations, Sonny?
SONNY: I need to see Jason.
Q MANSION
MAXIE: So, Tracy, are you and Paul a thing now?
TRACY: What decade are you living in? Paul and I haven't been a "thing" since the early '90s.
MAXIE: Don't tell me you weren't a teeny, tiny bit jealous when Paul went on and on about how Mayor Lomax had a thing for him.
TRACY: Me? Jealous of Battleax Lomax? I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.
DILLON: Don't mind Maxie, mom. Cupid is her middle name. I say, where my dad is concerned, the light is yellow. Proceed with caution.
MAXIE: Don't listen to him, Tracy. The light has never been greener.
JULIAN'S APARTMENT
AVA: Who the hell are you and why are you dangling my murder confession in front of my face?
PAUL: The name's Hornsby. Paul Hornsby. I'm the new mobster in town and I have plans for you, Ava Jerome. Big plans.
AVA: Can we skip to the part where you tell me what I need to do to get my hands on that recording that holds the key to my freedom? Pay you off? Sleep with you?
PAUL: No money, no sex, but don't take that the wrong way. I need you to be the target for whatever mob mayhem I may cause while I'm running the Jerome organization.
AVA: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
PAUL: Lest you forget what I am holding in my pocket...
AVA: Fine. Now gimme that recording before I change my mind.
LAKE HOUSE
ALEXIS: If you're gonna shoot Julian, you're gonna have to go through ME first.
MORGAN: Don't tempt me, Alexis. I know you're my sister's mom and all, but you threw in with my dad's shooter, so you're kinda in the doghouse with me right now.
JULIAN: Beat it, Alexis. I don't want you to take a dirt nap because of me.
ALEXIS: I would DIE for you, Julian!
JULIAN: Not on my watch! Now scram!
MICHAEL: Alexis? Morgan in there?
ALEXIS: OMG! He's going to shoot my boyfriend!
MORGAN'S GUN: BANG!
Friday, September 18, 2015
De-Muccio'ed
Ava finally ditches the Denise DiMuccio dye job and goes Ava Jerome blonde again. Morgan pressures TJ to tell him where Julian is. Kristina worries that her mother will get caught in the crossfire between Morgan and Julian. Paul saves the day for his son once he learns that it was Mayor Lomax who forced Dillon to shut down production. Patrick comes home to a surprise birthday party.
SONNY'S HOSPITAL ROOM
SONNY: Morgan's going to kill Julian Jerome.
MICHAEL: Not if I can help it. I'm gonna find him and stop him, Dad.
SONNY: Then step on it, because if Morgan gets to Julian first, my son will throw away his life to end Julian's.
MICHAEL: I'm on it, Dad.
SCOTT'S HOTEL ROOM
SCOTT: That recording has to be in here somewhere. (looks under mattress where he hid The Recording) Or not.
AVA: DAMMIT, BALDWIN! Now I'm SCREWED!
SCOTT: But not before you fork over your $5 million.
AVA: PFFFFFT! No recording, no money!
SCOTT: What? Getting you out of jail today doesn't count?
AVA: Not if I'm going back as soon as Lansing gets a hold of The Recording. Seriously, hiding a recording of a MURDER CONFESSION in your HOTEL ROOM? No wonder you're no longer D.A.
SCOTT: Pay up, Ava.
AVA: In your dreams! It's not like you can--I don't know--hand The Recording over to the judge since YOU DON'T HAVE IT!!!!! I'm outta here. I need to burn this DiMuccio getup in effigy.
PATRICK AND SAM'S HOUSE
SAM, EMMA, DANNY, ANNA: SURPRISE! Happy Birthday, Patrick!
PATRICK: Today's my birthday? I completely forgot. The days kind of run together when you're operating on the town's most notorious mobster.
EMMA: Happy Birthday, Daddy! I got you some teeny, tiny dolls that you can tell your deepest, darkest secrets to. And a magnifying glass so you can see them. You aren't getting any younger, Dad.
ANNA: By the way, Sam, I'm sorry Sloane flipped on you and Jake. I thought I had him better trained than that.
SAM: No sweat. Jake and I will find another way to bring down my nefarious cousin.
JULIAN'S APARTMENT
MORGAN: Julian! Come out where I can shoot you! CRAP! He's not home. Where else could he be? Think, Morgan, think.
SAM'S OLD PENTHOUSE
ALEXIS: I found a place to stash you. I rented a lake house to replace the one I had that blew up because of, well, you.
JULIAN: Thank you, true love o' mine. Are you sure you don't want to come with me and have ALL THE SEX?
ALEXIS: Thanks, but no thanks. Kristina needs me. But I'll drive you there.
SONNY'S HOSPITAL ROOM
CARLY: Sonny, you need to rest and relax. In case you've forgotten, you just had a bullet removed from your chest.
SONNY: But Morgan...he's about to throw his whole life away by killing Julian. I can't let him do that, Carly. Shouldn't someone have given him a tranquilizer by now?
CARLY: Michael is taking care of it. He'll find Morgan and use his Jedi mind tricks to convince his brother not to kill Julian.
Q MANSION
DILLON: Check this out: A cease and desist order from Mayor Lomax. Apparently I forgot to get some sort of permit I never knew I needed. I have to shut down production and flush my filmmaking dreams down the toilet.
MAXIE: There goes my feature film debut. This movie was going to make me an A-lister.
PAUL: No-longer-absentee father to the rescue! I know Janice Lomax. She's hot for me. Want me to put in a call to her. I guarantee that once she hears the name Paul Hornsby, she'll come running.
DILLON: Dial away.
TRACY: This should be entertaining...
OUTSIDE SONNY'S ROOM
KRISTINA: OMG, Morgan wants to shoot Sam's dad? Sam's dad is dating MY MOM. What if he makes a mistake and shoots HER instead? We have to stop him!
CARLY: Michael's on it, Kristina. He will save the day.
SAM'S OLD PENTHOUSE
MORGAN: Hey TJ. Sorry about freaking out on you in the hospital earlier. Where's Alexis?
TJ: What do you need to see Alexis for?
MORGAN: Nothing. But since she and Julian are joined at the hip, and a few other places, she will lead me to the man who put Dad in the hospital.
TJ: We're not even 100% sure it was Julian.
MORGAN: Who else could it be? Now are you going to tell me where Alexis and Julian are or am I going to have to call on my loaded friend here? (Pulls out gun)
TJ: Fine.
PATRICK'S HOUSE
SAM: Here's my present for you. Bet you can't guess what it is.
PATRICK: A guitar! Sweet! I was a little worried you were getting me a motorcycle.
SAM: Ha ha! But if you ever want one, I know a guy.
JULIAN'S APARTMENT
AVA: Good riddance, Denise DiMuccio! Welcome back, Ava Jerome!
Q MANSION
PAUL: Mission accomplished! The cease and desist is history.
DILLON: Thanks, Dad! This absentee father guilt isn't such a bad thing after all.
TRACY: So what's your end of the deal, Paul? A roll in the hay with the woman who holds the keys to this city? Please, spare me the details.
PAUL: She just wants to catch up. See ya later. (To himself) Get in line, Lomax. Right behind Ava Jerome.
SAM'S OLD PENTHOUSE
MICHAEL: Hey, TJ, are Alexis and Julian around?
TJ: Nope.
MICHAEL: How about Morgan?
TJ: About that...
JULIAN'S APARTMENT
AVA: (Over phone) Pick up, Julian! It's only your SISTER in dire need of help. (Doorbell rings)
PAUL: Did I hear someone say "help"?
LAKE HOUSE
ALEXIS: No, for the 347th time, I can't stay, Julian.
JULIAN: Not for ALL THE SEX IN THE WORLD?
MORGAN: GOTCHA, JULIAN! PREPARE TO DIE!!!!
SONNY'S HOSPITAL ROOM
SONNY: Morgan's going to kill Julian Jerome.
MICHAEL: Not if I can help it. I'm gonna find him and stop him, Dad.
SONNY: Then step on it, because if Morgan gets to Julian first, my son will throw away his life to end Julian's.
MICHAEL: I'm on it, Dad.
SCOTT'S HOTEL ROOM
SCOTT: That recording has to be in here somewhere. (looks under mattress where he hid The Recording) Or not.
AVA: DAMMIT, BALDWIN! Now I'm SCREWED!
SCOTT: But not before you fork over your $5 million.
AVA: PFFFFFT! No recording, no money!
SCOTT: What? Getting you out of jail today doesn't count?
AVA: Not if I'm going back as soon as Lansing gets a hold of The Recording. Seriously, hiding a recording of a MURDER CONFESSION in your HOTEL ROOM? No wonder you're no longer D.A.
SCOTT: Pay up, Ava.
AVA: In your dreams! It's not like you can--I don't know--hand The Recording over to the judge since YOU DON'T HAVE IT!!!!! I'm outta here. I need to burn this DiMuccio getup in effigy.
PATRICK AND SAM'S HOUSE
SAM, EMMA, DANNY, ANNA: SURPRISE! Happy Birthday, Patrick!
PATRICK: Today's my birthday? I completely forgot. The days kind of run together when you're operating on the town's most notorious mobster.
EMMA: Happy Birthday, Daddy! I got you some teeny, tiny dolls that you can tell your deepest, darkest secrets to. And a magnifying glass so you can see them. You aren't getting any younger, Dad.
ANNA: By the way, Sam, I'm sorry Sloane flipped on you and Jake. I thought I had him better trained than that.
SAM: No sweat. Jake and I will find another way to bring down my nefarious cousin.
JULIAN'S APARTMENT
MORGAN: Julian! Come out where I can shoot you! CRAP! He's not home. Where else could he be? Think, Morgan, think.
SAM'S OLD PENTHOUSE
ALEXIS: I found a place to stash you. I rented a lake house to replace the one I had that blew up because of, well, you.
JULIAN: Thank you, true love o' mine. Are you sure you don't want to come with me and have ALL THE SEX?
ALEXIS: Thanks, but no thanks. Kristina needs me. But I'll drive you there.
SONNY'S HOSPITAL ROOM
CARLY: Sonny, you need to rest and relax. In case you've forgotten, you just had a bullet removed from your chest.
SONNY: But Morgan...he's about to throw his whole life away by killing Julian. I can't let him do that, Carly. Shouldn't someone have given him a tranquilizer by now?
CARLY: Michael is taking care of it. He'll find Morgan and use his Jedi mind tricks to convince his brother not to kill Julian.
Q MANSION
DILLON: Check this out: A cease and desist order from Mayor Lomax. Apparently I forgot to get some sort of permit I never knew I needed. I have to shut down production and flush my filmmaking dreams down the toilet.
MAXIE: There goes my feature film debut. This movie was going to make me an A-lister.
PAUL: No-longer-absentee father to the rescue! I know Janice Lomax. She's hot for me. Want me to put in a call to her. I guarantee that once she hears the name Paul Hornsby, she'll come running.
DILLON: Dial away.
TRACY: This should be entertaining...
OUTSIDE SONNY'S ROOM
KRISTINA: OMG, Morgan wants to shoot Sam's dad? Sam's dad is dating MY MOM. What if he makes a mistake and shoots HER instead? We have to stop him!
CARLY: Michael's on it, Kristina. He will save the day.
SAM'S OLD PENTHOUSE
MORGAN: Hey TJ. Sorry about freaking out on you in the hospital earlier. Where's Alexis?
TJ: What do you need to see Alexis for?
MORGAN: Nothing. But since she and Julian are joined at the hip, and a few other places, she will lead me to the man who put Dad in the hospital.
TJ: We're not even 100% sure it was Julian.
MORGAN: Who else could it be? Now are you going to tell me where Alexis and Julian are or am I going to have to call on my loaded friend here? (Pulls out gun)
TJ: Fine.
PATRICK'S HOUSE
SAM: Here's my present for you. Bet you can't guess what it is.
PATRICK: A guitar! Sweet! I was a little worried you were getting me a motorcycle.
SAM: Ha ha! But if you ever want one, I know a guy.
JULIAN'S APARTMENT
AVA: Good riddance, Denise DiMuccio! Welcome back, Ava Jerome!
Q MANSION
PAUL: Mission accomplished! The cease and desist is history.
DILLON: Thanks, Dad! This absentee father guilt isn't such a bad thing after all.
TRACY: So what's your end of the deal, Paul? A roll in the hay with the woman who holds the keys to this city? Please, spare me the details.
PAUL: She just wants to catch up. See ya later. (To himself) Get in line, Lomax. Right behind Ava Jerome.
SAM'S OLD PENTHOUSE
MICHAEL: Hey, TJ, are Alexis and Julian around?
TJ: Nope.
MICHAEL: How about Morgan?
TJ: About that...
JULIAN'S APARTMENT
AVA: (Over phone) Pick up, Julian! It's only your SISTER in dire need of help. (Doorbell rings)
PAUL: Did I hear someone say "help"?
LAKE HOUSE
ALEXIS: No, for the 347th time, I can't stay, Julian.
JULIAN: Not for ALL THE SEX IN THE WORLD?
MORGAN: GOTCHA, JULIAN! PREPARE TO DIE!!!!
Thursday, September 17, 2015
You Are My Father
Carly is relieved when Sonny wakes up. Kristina returns to town with Alexis and visits her father in the hospital. Ava is set free when Ric is unable to produce The Recording in court. Julian plans on skipping town to avoid becoming a target and asks Alexis to leave with him. Michael places guards outside Sonny's room. Dante confides in Nathan while Lulu worries to Valerie about Dante's state of mind.
SONNY'S HOSPITAL ROOM
SONNY: Is this real life? Did we get married? If we did, why are we spending our honeymoon in a hospital?
CARLY: Sonny, you're awake! No, we didn't get married...yet. I thought you might enjoy our wedding if you were conscious so I postponed it.
SONNY: Makes sense. You can't have a wedding without the groom.
SAM'S OLD PENTHOUSE
ALEXIS: Look who I found?
KRISTINA: Remember me? I might look a little different, but at the same time kinda familiar.
MOLLY & SAM: OMG, Kristina!
KRISTINA: Sam, is it true that your dad shot my dad?
MOLLY: Awkward!
SAM: Why does my dad get blamed every time something bad happens to Sonny? Besides, my dad swore to me he is 100% mob-free.
ALEXIS: Sam is right. Julian kicked the organized crime habit. He didn't even need the pill or the patch. I'm so proud of my ex-mobster lover!
HOSPITAL
LULU: Dante's been having this really weird guilt trip. He thinks he yelled and judged his dad into cardiac arrest.
VALERIE: Poor Dante. He must be feeling SO terrible. He needs a hug.
LULU: Which I will be sure to give to him when I see him.
VALERIE: Gotta go. I'm AWOL at work.
LULU: I'll come with you because I want to give Dante that hug and make sure YOU don't.
PCPD
DANTE: I am a terrible, horrible husband for cheating on my wife. And for yelling at my dad when he was somewhere between life and death in the ER. Bad Dante! Very very bad!
NATHAN: What brought on this display of self-loathing?
DANTE: The mere sight of Valerie.
NATHAN: THAT'S going to make working here an exercise in masochism. By the way, how's your dad?
DANTE: The bullet's gone and he's still breathing.
COURTHOUSE
JUDGE CHUA: Where is the evidence, D.A. Lansing?
RIC: The dog ate it.
SCOTT: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
JUDGE CHUA: Please refrain from any further monkey business, counselors. This is a court of law, not The Improv. I will repeat my question: Are you, D.A. Lansing, in possession of evidence that will prove the defendant, Ava Jerome's culpability in the murder of Constanza Falconeri?
RIC: Um...no, but my people are turning Port Chuckles upside down in order to find it.
SCOTT: Yeah, good luck with that.
JUDGE CHUA: Ms. Jerome, you are free...for now. Should this evidence resurface, I must warn you, you are screwed.
AVA: HALLELUJAH! FREE AT LAST! Don't worry, my sweet Crypt Baby Avery. Mommy's coming!
SONNY'S HOSPITAL ROOM
KRISTINA: Dad, OMG, I dropped EVERYTHING once I heard you got shot.
SONNY: That's right, I DO have another daughter!
KRISTINA: I'm so sorry I haven't seen you since I looked like someone else and dropped that Mob Princess crap on you.
SONNY: PFFFFFT! Bygones. Nothing like being shot and having a dancing bullet removed to bring out family I haven't seen in almost 3 years.
KRISTINA: I love you, Dad and I'm totally cool with you being in the mob and all. I mean, when were you ever NOT in the mob?
OUTSIDE SONNY'S ROOM
MICHAEL: TJ, did you see who shot you?
TJ: Seeing that my chair was facing the other way, no.
MORGAN: Come ON, TJ, you had to have had eyes on the back of your head! This is a conspiracy. YOU'RE PROTECTING JULIAN.
TJ: Why would I protect Julian Jerome? I'm Team Sonny, remember?
MICHAEL: Easy, Morgan! Seriously, where's Dante with a taser when I need him?
MORGAN: CONSPIRACY! CONSPIRACY!
JULIAN'S APARTMENT
ALEXIS: Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
JULIAN: They're after me, Alexis! Sonny's people are after me. Namely his punk kid Morgan. I've gotta get out of here.
ALEXIS: Bummer! I just got back.
JULIAN: You're coming with me because they might be after you too. Remember how last summer your house blew up?
OUTSIDE SONNY'S ROOM
MICHAEL: Milo, I need you to make sure nobody tries to come into my dad's room and try to finish him off. Got it?
MILO: Got it.
MORGAN: So now dad needs GUARDS outside his ROOM?
MICHAEL: It's called precaution, Morgan.
MORGAN: I'm going to go for a little stroll, Mikey. (to himself) Must. Kill. Julian. Now.
PCPD
LULU: Dante, I've been SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU.
DANTE: You and my mom, seriously!
LULU: I'm just glad you didn't jump off the roof of this building after beating yourself up about your dad.
DANTE: Yeah, well, here I am. Alive. In one piece.
LULU: You are the Best. Husband. Ever.
DANTE'S CONSCIENCE: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
SCOTT'S HOTEL ROOM
AVA: Hand it over, Scott Baldwin.
SCOTT: First the $5 million, then The Recording.
AVA: Fine. Have it your way.
SCOTT: (opening the door to see his ransacked room) What the????
AVA: CRAP!
SONNY'S HOSPITAL ROOM
MICHAEL: We're totally cool now, Dad.
SONNY: Best news ever, son. You might want to keep your eye on your brother, though. He came loud and clear through my unconscious mind vowing to kill Julian.
SONNY'S HOSPITAL ROOM
SONNY: Is this real life? Did we get married? If we did, why are we spending our honeymoon in a hospital?
CARLY: Sonny, you're awake! No, we didn't get married...yet. I thought you might enjoy our wedding if you were conscious so I postponed it.
SONNY: Makes sense. You can't have a wedding without the groom.
SAM'S OLD PENTHOUSE
ALEXIS: Look who I found?
KRISTINA: Remember me? I might look a little different, but at the same time kinda familiar.
MOLLY & SAM: OMG, Kristina!
KRISTINA: Sam, is it true that your dad shot my dad?
MOLLY: Awkward!
SAM: Why does my dad get blamed every time something bad happens to Sonny? Besides, my dad swore to me he is 100% mob-free.
ALEXIS: Sam is right. Julian kicked the organized crime habit. He didn't even need the pill or the patch. I'm so proud of my ex-mobster lover!
HOSPITAL
LULU: Dante's been having this really weird guilt trip. He thinks he yelled and judged his dad into cardiac arrest.
VALERIE: Poor Dante. He must be feeling SO terrible. He needs a hug.
LULU: Which I will be sure to give to him when I see him.
VALERIE: Gotta go. I'm AWOL at work.
LULU: I'll come with you because I want to give Dante that hug and make sure YOU don't.
PCPD
DANTE: I am a terrible, horrible husband for cheating on my wife. And for yelling at my dad when he was somewhere between life and death in the ER. Bad Dante! Very very bad!
NATHAN: What brought on this display of self-loathing?
DANTE: The mere sight of Valerie.
NATHAN: THAT'S going to make working here an exercise in masochism. By the way, how's your dad?
DANTE: The bullet's gone and he's still breathing.
COURTHOUSE
JUDGE CHUA: Where is the evidence, D.A. Lansing?
RIC: The dog ate it.
SCOTT: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
JUDGE CHUA: Please refrain from any further monkey business, counselors. This is a court of law, not The Improv. I will repeat my question: Are you, D.A. Lansing, in possession of evidence that will prove the defendant, Ava Jerome's culpability in the murder of Constanza Falconeri?
RIC: Um...no, but my people are turning Port Chuckles upside down in order to find it.
SCOTT: Yeah, good luck with that.
JUDGE CHUA: Ms. Jerome, you are free...for now. Should this evidence resurface, I must warn you, you are screwed.
AVA: HALLELUJAH! FREE AT LAST! Don't worry, my sweet Crypt Baby Avery. Mommy's coming!
SONNY'S HOSPITAL ROOM
KRISTINA: Dad, OMG, I dropped EVERYTHING once I heard you got shot.
SONNY: That's right, I DO have another daughter!
KRISTINA: I'm so sorry I haven't seen you since I looked like someone else and dropped that Mob Princess crap on you.
SONNY: PFFFFFT! Bygones. Nothing like being shot and having a dancing bullet removed to bring out family I haven't seen in almost 3 years.
KRISTINA: I love you, Dad and I'm totally cool with you being in the mob and all. I mean, when were you ever NOT in the mob?
OUTSIDE SONNY'S ROOM
MICHAEL: TJ, did you see who shot you?
TJ: Seeing that my chair was facing the other way, no.
MORGAN: Come ON, TJ, you had to have had eyes on the back of your head! This is a conspiracy. YOU'RE PROTECTING JULIAN.
TJ: Why would I protect Julian Jerome? I'm Team Sonny, remember?
MICHAEL: Easy, Morgan! Seriously, where's Dante with a taser when I need him?
MORGAN: CONSPIRACY! CONSPIRACY!
JULIAN'S APARTMENT
ALEXIS: Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
JULIAN: They're after me, Alexis! Sonny's people are after me. Namely his punk kid Morgan. I've gotta get out of here.
ALEXIS: Bummer! I just got back.
JULIAN: You're coming with me because they might be after you too. Remember how last summer your house blew up?
OUTSIDE SONNY'S ROOM
MICHAEL: Milo, I need you to make sure nobody tries to come into my dad's room and try to finish him off. Got it?
MILO: Got it.
MORGAN: So now dad needs GUARDS outside his ROOM?
MICHAEL: It's called precaution, Morgan.
MORGAN: I'm going to go for a little stroll, Mikey. (to himself) Must. Kill. Julian. Now.
PCPD
LULU: Dante, I've been SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU.
DANTE: You and my mom, seriously!
LULU: I'm just glad you didn't jump off the roof of this building after beating yourself up about your dad.
DANTE: Yeah, well, here I am. Alive. In one piece.
LULU: You are the Best. Husband. Ever.
DANTE'S CONSCIENCE: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
SCOTT'S HOTEL ROOM
AVA: Hand it over, Scott Baldwin.
SCOTT: First the $5 million, then The Recording.
AVA: Fine. Have it your way.
SCOTT: (opening the door to see his ransacked room) What the????
AVA: CRAP!
SONNY'S HOSPITAL ROOM
MICHAEL: We're totally cool now, Dad.
SONNY: Best news ever, son. You might want to keep your eye on your brother, though. He came loud and clear through my unconscious mind vowing to kill Julian.
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
What Price Freedom?
Scott asks this question to Ava when he offers to sell her The Recording for $5 million. Lucas confronts an incarcerated Julian about Sonny's shooting. The Corinthos clan await news on Sonny. Nathan has something important to say to Valerie. Dante takes his turn with The Supreme Being and takes a page from the Elizabeth Webber book of Non-Confessions.
OUTSIDE ICU
MORGAN: WHAT THE HELL IS TAKING SO LONG?
CARLY: You can't fast-forward surgery, Morgan.
MORGAN: THEN WHY IS PATRICK SUCH A SLOW SURGEON? IMMA GO IN THERE AND TELL HIM TO HURRY THE HELL UP AND FIX DAD.
MICHAEL: And distract him so he nicks an artery? Slow your roll, Morgan.
MORGAN: I don't know about you, Mikey, but I CAN'T SIT HERE AND DO NOTHING! Maybe I'll go strangle Julian instead.
CARLY: I need to go to the chapel again and pray for some Xanax for my younger son.
PCPD
VALERIE: Lunch time! I'm gonna go to GH and tell Dante that Julian's still in the slammer. He's not answering my texts.
NATHAN: Oh no you won't. Valerie, I know about you and Dante. I know you two did the nasty while fireworks were going off all over The Chuckles.
VALERIE: Who the hell told you? Was it Maxie? I thought we were sorta friends.
NATHAN: I got it straight from the source. Dante 'fessed up to me. So are you still hot for my partner?
VALERIE: And this is your business how?
NATHAN: Look, Val, I'm not getting in your face because the whole fourth of July cheating debacle is all your fault. The blame pie can be split four ways, because Lulu and Dillon lied and took off to Canada. I'm just looking out for my right-hand man.
VALERIE: I get it. It's not like Dante's loins are burning for me either. He's committed to Lulu, who is my cousin, so I can't begrudge him that. Besides, Lulu and I are cool now and I'm sorta halfway dating Dillon, so can we move on from the Independence Day sexcapade gone awry?
HOSPITAL LOBBY
OLIVIA: Here are a few cups of joe. Where's Dante?
LULU: Up in the chapel having a convo with The Man Upstairs.
OLIVIA: I'm worried about Dante.
LULU: In other news, the sun rises in the east and sets in the west.
HOSPITAL CHAPEL
DANTE: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
GOD: I know you're Catholic and all, but I think you have this place confused with a confessional.
DANTE: I cheated on my wife, Dear Lord. Oh, and I also pissed my earthly father off and caused him to flatline when I lectured him on his violent lifestyle.
GOD: You've got a lot on your plate, kid. First, let's talk about your night of misguided passion with your wife's cousin. Yes, I do know it all, thank you very much. The truth has a way of coming out. Give it a few months and the truth will become impossible to hide. About your dad, I've been fielding prayer requests on his behalf for a couple of decades. The guy's been keeping me on my toes, that's for sure, and something tells me that's not coming to an end anytime soon.
PCPD JAIL
LUCAS: So did you do it, Dad? Did you put my sister's fiance in the hospital, clinging to life while a bullet is reviving the disco era between his spine and his aorta?
JULIAN: I wouldn't put a lot of stock in what that unhinged nephew of yours is saying.
LUCAS: I'm not talking to my nephew, unhinged or otherwise. I'm talking to you, Dad. Did you shoot Sonny or didn't you?
JULIAN: Of COURSE I didn't and I'm hurt that my own son doesn't believe in me.
LUCAS: Would love to believe you, Dad, but stuff's been going down with Sonny and some dude named Charlie Highneck or Heinich, or whatever his name is and that dude named you as his boss.
JULIAN: You think that No-Neck was gonna tell the cops who his REAL boss is? The whole thing's a setup. How many times do I have to tell my own family that I've de-mobbed?
LUCAS: Let's just say the mob is known for taking the idea of a severance package literally. I see it all the time in the ER, being a soon-to-be doctor and all. I don't want your body parts to be the ones I see next.
SCOTT: Hello there Ava Jerome DeMuccio or whatever you're calling yourselves these days. Meet your new lawyer.
AVA: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Where's Diane?
SCOTT: Not coming. She's in with Sonny's peeps so she claims conflict of interest.
AVA: Really? That's not what she told Julian.
SCOTT: Speaking of Julian, it's Sibling Day in the holding cells. Julian's down here too. Something about putting a bullet in Corinthos. If you're nice to him, maybe he'll let you share his juice box and animal crackers.
AVA: Ha. Ha. How do I know you won't railroad me for what I did to Franco?
SCOTT: You have screwed my son over a few times, but the two of us have something in common: We both hate Corinthos. He wants you dead. I want him behind bars. Besides, I have something you need if you ever want to see the light of day again.
AVA: What might YOU have that I need? A Get Out Of Jail Free card from an old Monopoly game in your attic?
SCOTT: Figuratively speaking, yes. I have THE RECORDING. It can be yours for a cool five million bucks.
AVA: You slay me, Mr. Baldwin. Five million for one stupid flash drive?
SCOTT: Said stupid flash drive has your murder confession on it. Five million. Take it or leave it.
HOSPITAL CHAPEL
DANTE: Will you forgive me, God?
LULU: Coffee?
DANTE: Lulu?
LULU: It's from your mom. By the way, what were you asking forgiveness for? You're not still feeling the guilt about that kiss with Valerie, are you?
DANTE: I was asking for forgiveness for pissing off my Dad and causing him to flatline. I was all in his face about his violent mob lifestyle and how much it has cost his family. Then, all of the sudden, BEEEEEEP and the line goes flat.
LULU: Remember how Patrick said Sonny's bullet was dancing around in his chest? THAT is what made him flatline. Not you yelling at him while he was unconscious.
ICU
PATRICK: Sonny made it through surgery. The bullet was removed.
MORGAN: HALLELUJAH! PATRICK, YOU ARE THE GREATEST SURGEON TO EVER LIVE!
PATRICK: He's still in a precarious condition and he's gonna need all of your support and strength.
CARLY: Can we see him?
PATRICK: One at a time.
SONNY'S ROOM
CARLY: Sonny, it's me. You're out of surgery and the tap-dancing bullet with a razor's edge is gone. Yay Patrick! The whole fam is here. Michael, Morgan, Dante. Morgan's been so scared and he's been driving us BANANAS ever since you got shot. We all love you, Sonny.
SEMI-CONSCIOUS SONNY: Hold on a minute. I'm getting a signal. I feel consciousness coming on. Carly, is it you?
ICU
VALERIE: I have some bad news. Julian has been sprung. There wasn't enough evidence to hold him.
MORGAN: THAT BASTARD'S FREE? WAIT 'TIL I GET A HOLD OF HIM!
MICHAEL: Oh good grief!
CHAPEL
OLIVIA: Sonny's out of surgery.
DANTE: So I'm off the hook?
LULU: You need sleep, honey.
PCPD JAIL
NATHAN: Good news, Jerome. You're free to go.
LUCAS: Yeah, good luck with that, Dad. Keep a Kevlar vest handy and a disguise wouldn't hurt.
OUTSIDE ICU
MORGAN: WHAT THE HELL IS TAKING SO LONG?
CARLY: You can't fast-forward surgery, Morgan.
MORGAN: THEN WHY IS PATRICK SUCH A SLOW SURGEON? IMMA GO IN THERE AND TELL HIM TO HURRY THE HELL UP AND FIX DAD.
MICHAEL: And distract him so he nicks an artery? Slow your roll, Morgan.
MORGAN: I don't know about you, Mikey, but I CAN'T SIT HERE AND DO NOTHING! Maybe I'll go strangle Julian instead.
CARLY: I need to go to the chapel again and pray for some Xanax for my younger son.
PCPD
VALERIE: Lunch time! I'm gonna go to GH and tell Dante that Julian's still in the slammer. He's not answering my texts.
NATHAN: Oh no you won't. Valerie, I know about you and Dante. I know you two did the nasty while fireworks were going off all over The Chuckles.
VALERIE: Who the hell told you? Was it Maxie? I thought we were sorta friends.
NATHAN: I got it straight from the source. Dante 'fessed up to me. So are you still hot for my partner?
VALERIE: And this is your business how?
NATHAN: Look, Val, I'm not getting in your face because the whole fourth of July cheating debacle is all your fault. The blame pie can be split four ways, because Lulu and Dillon lied and took off to Canada. I'm just looking out for my right-hand man.
VALERIE: I get it. It's not like Dante's loins are burning for me either. He's committed to Lulu, who is my cousin, so I can't begrudge him that. Besides, Lulu and I are cool now and I'm sorta halfway dating Dillon, so can we move on from the Independence Day sexcapade gone awry?
HOSPITAL LOBBY
OLIVIA: Here are a few cups of joe. Where's Dante?
LULU: Up in the chapel having a convo with The Man Upstairs.
OLIVIA: I'm worried about Dante.
LULU: In other news, the sun rises in the east and sets in the west.
HOSPITAL CHAPEL
DANTE: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
GOD: I know you're Catholic and all, but I think you have this place confused with a confessional.
DANTE: I cheated on my wife, Dear Lord. Oh, and I also pissed my earthly father off and caused him to flatline when I lectured him on his violent lifestyle.
GOD: You've got a lot on your plate, kid. First, let's talk about your night of misguided passion with your wife's cousin. Yes, I do know it all, thank you very much. The truth has a way of coming out. Give it a few months and the truth will become impossible to hide. About your dad, I've been fielding prayer requests on his behalf for a couple of decades. The guy's been keeping me on my toes, that's for sure, and something tells me that's not coming to an end anytime soon.
PCPD JAIL
LUCAS: So did you do it, Dad? Did you put my sister's fiance in the hospital, clinging to life while a bullet is reviving the disco era between his spine and his aorta?
JULIAN: I wouldn't put a lot of stock in what that unhinged nephew of yours is saying.
LUCAS: I'm not talking to my nephew, unhinged or otherwise. I'm talking to you, Dad. Did you shoot Sonny or didn't you?
JULIAN: Of COURSE I didn't and I'm hurt that my own son doesn't believe in me.
LUCAS: Would love to believe you, Dad, but stuff's been going down with Sonny and some dude named Charlie Highneck or Heinich, or whatever his name is and that dude named you as his boss.
JULIAN: You think that No-Neck was gonna tell the cops who his REAL boss is? The whole thing's a setup. How many times do I have to tell my own family that I've de-mobbed?
LUCAS: Let's just say the mob is known for taking the idea of a severance package literally. I see it all the time in the ER, being a soon-to-be doctor and all. I don't want your body parts to be the ones I see next.
SCOTT: Hello there Ava Jerome DeMuccio or whatever you're calling yourselves these days. Meet your new lawyer.
AVA: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Where's Diane?
SCOTT: Not coming. She's in with Sonny's peeps so she claims conflict of interest.
AVA: Really? That's not what she told Julian.
SCOTT: Speaking of Julian, it's Sibling Day in the holding cells. Julian's down here too. Something about putting a bullet in Corinthos. If you're nice to him, maybe he'll let you share his juice box and animal crackers.
AVA: Ha. Ha. How do I know you won't railroad me for what I did to Franco?
SCOTT: You have screwed my son over a few times, but the two of us have something in common: We both hate Corinthos. He wants you dead. I want him behind bars. Besides, I have something you need if you ever want to see the light of day again.
AVA: What might YOU have that I need? A Get Out Of Jail Free card from an old Monopoly game in your attic?
SCOTT: Figuratively speaking, yes. I have THE RECORDING. It can be yours for a cool five million bucks.
AVA: You slay me, Mr. Baldwin. Five million for one stupid flash drive?
SCOTT: Said stupid flash drive has your murder confession on it. Five million. Take it or leave it.
HOSPITAL CHAPEL
DANTE: Will you forgive me, God?
LULU: Coffee?
DANTE: Lulu?
LULU: It's from your mom. By the way, what were you asking forgiveness for? You're not still feeling the guilt about that kiss with Valerie, are you?
DANTE: I was asking for forgiveness for pissing off my Dad and causing him to flatline. I was all in his face about his violent mob lifestyle and how much it has cost his family. Then, all of the sudden, BEEEEEEP and the line goes flat.
LULU: Remember how Patrick said Sonny's bullet was dancing around in his chest? THAT is what made him flatline. Not you yelling at him while he was unconscious.
ICU
PATRICK: Sonny made it through surgery. The bullet was removed.
MORGAN: HALLELUJAH! PATRICK, YOU ARE THE GREATEST SURGEON TO EVER LIVE!
PATRICK: He's still in a precarious condition and he's gonna need all of your support and strength.
CARLY: Can we see him?
PATRICK: One at a time.
SONNY'S ROOM
CARLY: Sonny, it's me. You're out of surgery and the tap-dancing bullet with a razor's edge is gone. Yay Patrick! The whole fam is here. Michael, Morgan, Dante. Morgan's been so scared and he's been driving us BANANAS ever since you got shot. We all love you, Sonny.
SEMI-CONSCIOUS SONNY: Hold on a minute. I'm getting a signal. I feel consciousness coming on. Carly, is it you?
ICU
VALERIE: I have some bad news. Julian has been sprung. There wasn't enough evidence to hold him.
MORGAN: THAT BASTARD'S FREE? WAIT 'TIL I GET A HOLD OF HIM!
MICHAEL: Oh good grief!
CHAPEL
OLIVIA: Sonny's out of surgery.
DANTE: So I'm off the hook?
LULU: You need sleep, honey.
PCPD JAIL
NATHAN: Good news, Jerome. You're free to go.
LUCAS: Yeah, good luck with that, Dad. Keep a Kevlar vest handy and a disguise wouldn't hurt.
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
STOP THE INSANITY!!!
JUST FRIKKIN' TELL JAKE HE'S JASON ALREADY!!! This is driving me to Franco/Nina/Heather/Morgan levels of wackadoo! Just when we think maybe, JUST MAYBE Liz Webber is going to tell Jake the truth about his identity, she decides to 'fess up to switching a DNA test on Sam & Jason three years ago! And Lucy (Liz) pulls the football away from Charlie Brown (Jake, All of Port Chuckles who gives a crap, and the audience) once again. Oh good grief!
Meanwhile in the ER, Sonny's bullet is getting a little restless and starts shifting inside his body, causing him to go into cardiac arrest and putting Carly, Dante, Michael, and Morgan between a rock and a hard place. Sam finds Ric in her old apartment. Maxie wants to bubble-wrap Nathan and take him to somewhere far, far away from the flying bullets in Port Chuckles.
LIZ'S HOUSE
LIZ: I did something earth-shatteringly horrible to Jason and Sam.
JAKE: Well, Sam's still alive. Danny's still alive. Jason's dead, but I don't think you would have killed him. What gives?
LIZ: I did a little switchy-switchy with a DNA test a few years ago. Sam and Jason were on the outs because Sam was hanging out with this guy who looked like this other guy who thought he was a vampire but really just looked like Silas Clay. My crazy stepmother and some other guy who looks a lot like Franco switched baby Danny with a dead baby and I doctored the DNA results to make sure the babies stayed switched.
JAKE: So, basically, you were in cahoots with said crazy stepmother and said Franco double.
LIZ: Not exactly. I just wanted to keep Sam and Jason from getting back together because I wanted Jason all to myself. Then I felt all guilty about the whole thing and came clean to Jason. He and Sam got baby Danny back and they lived happily ever after, for about 2 seconds. Then Jason went to the pier, got shot by Faison in a Duke Lavery mask, never to be heard from again.
LIZ'S CONSCIENCE: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Chicken, thy name is Elizabeth Webber!
JAKE: No biggie. I killed 3 dudes, put a bomb on a boat, took Sam hostage, and worked for a mobster for about 5 minutes. I win.
HOSPITAL
PATRICK: The bullet's got some itchy feet and can't stay put. It's all jagged and could slash Sonny's aorta, which could kill him.
MORGAN: THEN EFFIN' REMOVE THAT GODDAMN BULLET, GENIUS BRAIN SURGEON!
MICHAEL: Dial it down, little bro.
CARLY: Is Sonny going to die, Patrick?
PATRICK: If I go in there and try to take the bullet out now, that could kill him too.
MORGAN: ACTION, Patrick! MY DAD IS A MAN OF ACTION! REMOVE BULLET! CHOP CHOP!
MICHAEL: But if he's too weak for surgery, maybe we should wait.
DANTE: I'm with Michael. Maybe the bullet's taking a nice long nap until Sonny gets strong enough to survive surgery.
MICHAEL: Mom, it's your call.
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
MAXIE: Poor Sonny! Poor Carly! All that blood! All that baby drool from that adorable Avery. Where's the bubble wrap?
NATHAN: Bubble wrap? You want to pop all those bubbles to relieve all of the day's stress, don't you? You're kinda cute that way.
MAXIE: No, Nathan, I want to wrap YOU in it 24/7 so you don't get shot. This town is a hotbed of flying bullets and other scary mobbery. Let's go to Fiji.
NATHAN: Sorry. Used up all my sick days. Can we just have sex instead?
SAM'S PENTHOUSE
SAM: CRAP, Ric's here.
RIC: Nice to see you too, Sam. Why don't you take a bite out of a nice, thick bar of soap? There's a 3-year-old in the room who repeats everything he hears.
SAM: Again, what the h-e-double hockey sticks are you doing in my old place keeping my kid up way past his bedtime?
RIC: Remember your sister, Molly? She lives here. I was visiting my daughter. It happens. Then TJ came over. Kid's had a helluva night.
SAM: Yeah, I was there. If it weren't for Jake, he'd be dead and so would Sonny.
RIC: Speaking of my brother, now that you're here, I'm gonna go make sure he's still breathing.
SAM: Oh no you don't. The last thing Michael, Morgan, and Carly need to see is your smug face. Sonny's stable as far as I know. You still haven't told me why you're still hanging around my old place with TJ and Molly upstairs and me here to get Danny.
RIC: My wife gave me the boot.
SAM: Never thought I'd say this, but go Nina!
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
MAXIE: No sex until I wash Crypt Baby drool off this dress full of bad juju.
NATHAN: I need to wash those dead bodies from the crime scene off of me.
MAXIE: Dead bodies? Did you just say DEAD BODIES? I thought TJ was fine and Sonny is clinging to life on a hospital gurney.
NATHAN: They were dead goon bodies, courtesy of one Jake Doe.
MAXIE: Jake killed 3 people? OMG, could HE be JASON?
NATHAN: You mean the guy from the Friday the 13th movies with the mask?
MAXIE: I mean Jason MORGAN. Sonny's BFF and designated killbot.
HOSPITAL
CARLY: Sonny, what should I do? It's up to me to tell Patrick what to do with you.
UNCONSCIOUS SONNY: Stop this stupid bullet from breaking out its dance moves in my chest cavity!
CARLY: I knew you'd come through for me, Sonny. Patrick, scrub up!
Meanwhile in the ER, Sonny's bullet is getting a little restless and starts shifting inside his body, causing him to go into cardiac arrest and putting Carly, Dante, Michael, and Morgan between a rock and a hard place. Sam finds Ric in her old apartment. Maxie wants to bubble-wrap Nathan and take him to somewhere far, far away from the flying bullets in Port Chuckles.
LIZ'S HOUSE
LIZ: I did something earth-shatteringly horrible to Jason and Sam.
JAKE: Well, Sam's still alive. Danny's still alive. Jason's dead, but I don't think you would have killed him. What gives?
LIZ: I did a little switchy-switchy with a DNA test a few years ago. Sam and Jason were on the outs because Sam was hanging out with this guy who looked like this other guy who thought he was a vampire but really just looked like Silas Clay. My crazy stepmother and some other guy who looks a lot like Franco switched baby Danny with a dead baby and I doctored the DNA results to make sure the babies stayed switched.
JAKE: So, basically, you were in cahoots with said crazy stepmother and said Franco double.
LIZ: Not exactly. I just wanted to keep Sam and Jason from getting back together because I wanted Jason all to myself. Then I felt all guilty about the whole thing and came clean to Jason. He and Sam got baby Danny back and they lived happily ever after, for about 2 seconds. Then Jason went to the pier, got shot by Faison in a Duke Lavery mask, never to be heard from again.
LIZ'S CONSCIENCE: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Chicken, thy name is Elizabeth Webber!
JAKE: No biggie. I killed 3 dudes, put a bomb on a boat, took Sam hostage, and worked for a mobster for about 5 minutes. I win.
HOSPITAL
PATRICK: The bullet's got some itchy feet and can't stay put. It's all jagged and could slash Sonny's aorta, which could kill him.
MORGAN: THEN EFFIN' REMOVE THAT GODDAMN BULLET, GENIUS BRAIN SURGEON!
MICHAEL: Dial it down, little bro.
CARLY: Is Sonny going to die, Patrick?
PATRICK: If I go in there and try to take the bullet out now, that could kill him too.
MORGAN: ACTION, Patrick! MY DAD IS A MAN OF ACTION! REMOVE BULLET! CHOP CHOP!
MICHAEL: But if he's too weak for surgery, maybe we should wait.
DANTE: I'm with Michael. Maybe the bullet's taking a nice long nap until Sonny gets strong enough to survive surgery.
MICHAEL: Mom, it's your call.
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
MAXIE: Poor Sonny! Poor Carly! All that blood! All that baby drool from that adorable Avery. Where's the bubble wrap?
NATHAN: Bubble wrap? You want to pop all those bubbles to relieve all of the day's stress, don't you? You're kinda cute that way.
MAXIE: No, Nathan, I want to wrap YOU in it 24/7 so you don't get shot. This town is a hotbed of flying bullets and other scary mobbery. Let's go to Fiji.
NATHAN: Sorry. Used up all my sick days. Can we just have sex instead?
SAM'S PENTHOUSE
SAM: CRAP, Ric's here.
RIC: Nice to see you too, Sam. Why don't you take a bite out of a nice, thick bar of soap? There's a 3-year-old in the room who repeats everything he hears.
SAM: Again, what the h-e-double hockey sticks are you doing in my old place keeping my kid up way past his bedtime?
RIC: Remember your sister, Molly? She lives here. I was visiting my daughter. It happens. Then TJ came over. Kid's had a helluva night.
SAM: Yeah, I was there. If it weren't for Jake, he'd be dead and so would Sonny.
RIC: Speaking of my brother, now that you're here, I'm gonna go make sure he's still breathing.
SAM: Oh no you don't. The last thing Michael, Morgan, and Carly need to see is your smug face. Sonny's stable as far as I know. You still haven't told me why you're still hanging around my old place with TJ and Molly upstairs and me here to get Danny.
RIC: My wife gave me the boot.
SAM: Never thought I'd say this, but go Nina!
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
MAXIE: No sex until I wash Crypt Baby drool off this dress full of bad juju.
NATHAN: I need to wash those dead bodies from the crime scene off of me.
MAXIE: Dead bodies? Did you just say DEAD BODIES? I thought TJ was fine and Sonny is clinging to life on a hospital gurney.
NATHAN: They were dead goon bodies, courtesy of one Jake Doe.
MAXIE: Jake killed 3 people? OMG, could HE be JASON?
NATHAN: You mean the guy from the Friday the 13th movies with the mask?
MAXIE: I mean Jason MORGAN. Sonny's BFF and designated killbot.
HOSPITAL
CARLY: Sonny, what should I do? It's up to me to tell Patrick what to do with you.
UNCONSCIOUS SONNY: Stop this stupid bullet from breaking out its dance moves in my chest cavity!
CARLY: I knew you'd come through for me, Sonny. Patrick, scrub up!
Monday, September 14, 2015
Turnin' Them Tables
Nina and Franco get some sweet, sweet revenge on Ric, freeing Nina from the marriage and his claim to her money. Morgan continues his plunge off the deep end while Michael tries to rein him in. Carly sits for a spell in the hospital chapel as she reads Sonny's wedding vows. As Liz tries to spit out the truth to Jake about his identity, Li'l Jake comes running down the stairs after waking from a bad dream. Patrick is deeply disturbed that Jake killed Charlie The Goon and his flunkies without a second thought. Dante takes his turn sitting vigil at Sonny's gurney in the ER. Nathan tells Maxie that Nina has been sprung from jail.
NINA'S SUITE
RIC: What are Madly, The Cross-Eyed Baby and that crib doing here? That was MY move!
FRANCO: (activates the Baby Crying app on Ric's phone) She needs you, Ric. She's HANGRY!
RIC: What the?
NINA: Whatsamatter, hubby? Feeling a little...UNHINGED?
RIC: Ha ha! Nice try.
FRANCO: You won't be so Smuggy McSmugface when we send you to P-ville for your role in extorting money from YOUR OWN WIFE!
RIC: But...but...
NINA: Would you prefer the rec room at Shadybrook instead? Heidi's feeling lonely now that I'm no longer around to bring excitement to her poor, catatonic existence.
RIC: Have you two loony lovebirds conveniently forgotten that I'm the D.A.?
FRANCO: Not for long. At least not if you don't sign this here sheet of paper ending your marriage to Nina.
NINA: It's not like you really LOVED me, or anything, or did you?
RIC: Um...Nina...uh...I...
NINA: Didn't think so! Sign or kiss your freedom goodbye.
HOSPITAL ER
MORGAN: Imma make sure Julian doesn't lay a hand on you, Dad. Imma go and KEEL dat sunuvabitch! And Imma do it for YOU, Dad.
UNCONSCIOUS SONNY: Please GOD let me wake up and pop some of my meds into that kid!
HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM
MICHAEL: Mom, look what I found? Some bloodstained wedding vows for maximum emotional melodramatic effect!
CARLY: I need some alone time, Michael. I'm going to the chapel to plead Sonny's case to the big guy in the sky.
MICHAEL: Take this jacket, just in case the big guy sends a chilling breeze down into the chapel.
LIZ'S HOUSE
LIZ: I have to tell you something.
JAKE: That black hides bloodstains better? Yeah, I know. What was I thinking wearing blue today?
LIZ: That's not it. It's about something really, really REALLY terrible that I did that will make you break up with me in 2 seconds flat and shatter my world beyond repair.
JAKE: Melodramatic much? What could you do that was that bad? Kill someone? Hell, I just killed 3 dudes today, so I've been there.
LIZ: It's about me and Jason.
JAKE: You got more kids with him that I don't know about?
LIZ: No, keep guessing.
LI'L JAKE: Mommy! Jake! I had a really, really, terrible, horrible, no good, very bad dream!
LIZ: Poor Jake! You're safe here, sweetie pie. You're not back on that island with Helena.
LI'L JAKE: That wasn't it. I dreamed that Jake ran away and never came back EVER again!
JAKE: Ye of little faith! I would never run away from YOU. For some weird reason it feels like you're my kid or something.
HOSPITAL
SAM: And then Jake killed Charlie and those other men who wanted to kill Sonny and TJ. If Jake didn't come in to save the day when he did, Sonny and TJ would BOTH be DEAD!
PATRICK: It's disturbing how you're so nonchalant about Jake murdering THREE PEOPLE.
SAM: Come on, Patrick! It's not like those guys were innocent. THEY WERE THE BAD GUYS! Jake is one of THE GOOD GUYS, just like Jason.
PATRICK: That's EXACTLY what I'm worried about.
CHAPEL
CARLY: God, please let Sonny live. I know you frown upon his line of work, but Sonny's one of the GOOD mobsters. He has a family with children who love him and need him.
GOD: Did Al Capone not have family?
CARLY: Deep down, Sonny is a good man. He only kills people so they don't kill him first. In fact, HE is usually not the one doing the killing. Unless you're talking about AJ Quartermaine, but let's not go there, okay?
GOD: You know, Carly, I get a lot of requests like yours. So many I have to delegate. I'll forward this message to one of my dedicated associates, one of my affectionately-named minions, if you will, and you will hear back from this associate in due time. Now if you don't mind, I've got a son of yours to keep from landing headfirst in Crazytown and and a couple bazilllion other folks to look after, so I'll leave you with this...Bloodstained wedding vows were meant to be read in a hospital chapel with at least one candle lit and a tearful montage of every twist and turn in your, *ahem* complicated relationship with Sonny.
HOSPITAL ER
DANTE: Well, well, well, aren't you the picture of self-inflicted life-threatening injuries! Always bring back-up, you idiot! I love you, Dad, but you're one selfish bastard staying in the mob and all.
UNCONSCIOUS SONNY: I don't have to listen to this! (starts to flatline)
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
MAXIE: Poor Carly. Poor Sonny. Avery is such a cute baby she made me remember I have a baby too. I miss Georgie.
NATHAN: Hey, I have some good news. My sister-cousin's out of the slammer!
MAXIE: Nina's free?
NATHAN: Yes, she and Franco were let go this morning. After all, they didn't kill Silas. My mother-aunt did. I'm actually starting to think Franco is a halfway decent person.
MAXIE: Say WHAAAAAAAAAT?
NATHAN: He was about to get himself sent to the hoosegow for Nina. That's got to count for something.
MAXIE: I guess so. At least he's not in cahoots with Mad Maddie. That woman is a real piece of work.
LIZ'S HOUSE
LIZ: So I was saying I did something HORRIBLE and you'll never forgive me. Neither will Sam.
JAKE: This is the part where I have to wait until tomorrow for you to just TELL ME ALREADY, isn't it?
CHAPEL
MICHAEL: I hope you prayed for a miracle, Mom, because Dad needs one right now.
NINA'S SUITE
RIC: What are Madly, The Cross-Eyed Baby and that crib doing here? That was MY move!
FRANCO: (activates the Baby Crying app on Ric's phone) She needs you, Ric. She's HANGRY!
RIC: What the?
NINA: Whatsamatter, hubby? Feeling a little...UNHINGED?
RIC: Ha ha! Nice try.
FRANCO: You won't be so Smuggy McSmugface when we send you to P-ville for your role in extorting money from YOUR OWN WIFE!
RIC: But...but...
NINA: Would you prefer the rec room at Shadybrook instead? Heidi's feeling lonely now that I'm no longer around to bring excitement to her poor, catatonic existence.
RIC: Have you two loony lovebirds conveniently forgotten that I'm the D.A.?
FRANCO: Not for long. At least not if you don't sign this here sheet of paper ending your marriage to Nina.
NINA: It's not like you really LOVED me, or anything, or did you?
RIC: Um...Nina...uh...I...
NINA: Didn't think so! Sign or kiss your freedom goodbye.
HOSPITAL ER
MORGAN: Imma make sure Julian doesn't lay a hand on you, Dad. Imma go and KEEL dat sunuvabitch! And Imma do it for YOU, Dad.
UNCONSCIOUS SONNY: Please GOD let me wake up and pop some of my meds into that kid!
HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM
MICHAEL: Mom, look what I found? Some bloodstained wedding vows for maximum emotional melodramatic effect!
CARLY: I need some alone time, Michael. I'm going to the chapel to plead Sonny's case to the big guy in the sky.
MICHAEL: Take this jacket, just in case the big guy sends a chilling breeze down into the chapel.
LIZ'S HOUSE
LIZ: I have to tell you something.
JAKE: That black hides bloodstains better? Yeah, I know. What was I thinking wearing blue today?
LIZ: That's not it. It's about something really, really REALLY terrible that I did that will make you break up with me in 2 seconds flat and shatter my world beyond repair.
JAKE: Melodramatic much? What could you do that was that bad? Kill someone? Hell, I just killed 3 dudes today, so I've been there.
LIZ: It's about me and Jason.
JAKE: You got more kids with him that I don't know about?
LIZ: No, keep guessing.
LI'L JAKE: Mommy! Jake! I had a really, really, terrible, horrible, no good, very bad dream!
LIZ: Poor Jake! You're safe here, sweetie pie. You're not back on that island with Helena.
LI'L JAKE: That wasn't it. I dreamed that Jake ran away and never came back EVER again!
JAKE: Ye of little faith! I would never run away from YOU. For some weird reason it feels like you're my kid or something.
HOSPITAL
SAM: And then Jake killed Charlie and those other men who wanted to kill Sonny and TJ. If Jake didn't come in to save the day when he did, Sonny and TJ would BOTH be DEAD!
PATRICK: It's disturbing how you're so nonchalant about Jake murdering THREE PEOPLE.
SAM: Come on, Patrick! It's not like those guys were innocent. THEY WERE THE BAD GUYS! Jake is one of THE GOOD GUYS, just like Jason.
PATRICK: That's EXACTLY what I'm worried about.
CHAPEL
CARLY: God, please let Sonny live. I know you frown upon his line of work, but Sonny's one of the GOOD mobsters. He has a family with children who love him and need him.
GOD: Did Al Capone not have family?
CARLY: Deep down, Sonny is a good man. He only kills people so they don't kill him first. In fact, HE is usually not the one doing the killing. Unless you're talking about AJ Quartermaine, but let's not go there, okay?
GOD: You know, Carly, I get a lot of requests like yours. So many I have to delegate. I'll forward this message to one of my dedicated associates, one of my affectionately-named minions, if you will, and you will hear back from this associate in due time. Now if you don't mind, I've got a son of yours to keep from landing headfirst in Crazytown and and a couple bazilllion other folks to look after, so I'll leave you with this...Bloodstained wedding vows were meant to be read in a hospital chapel with at least one candle lit and a tearful montage of every twist and turn in your, *ahem* complicated relationship with Sonny.
HOSPITAL ER
DANTE: Well, well, well, aren't you the picture of self-inflicted life-threatening injuries! Always bring back-up, you idiot! I love you, Dad, but you're one selfish bastard staying in the mob and all.
UNCONSCIOUS SONNY: I don't have to listen to this! (starts to flatline)
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
MAXIE: Poor Carly. Poor Sonny. Avery is such a cute baby she made me remember I have a baby too. I miss Georgie.
NATHAN: Hey, I have some good news. My sister-cousin's out of the slammer!
MAXIE: Nina's free?
NATHAN: Yes, she and Franco were let go this morning. After all, they didn't kill Silas. My mother-aunt did. I'm actually starting to think Franco is a halfway decent person.
MAXIE: Say WHAAAAAAAAAT?
NATHAN: He was about to get himself sent to the hoosegow for Nina. That's got to count for something.
MAXIE: I guess so. At least he's not in cahoots with Mad Maddie. That woman is a real piece of work.
LIZ'S HOUSE
LIZ: So I was saying I did something HORRIBLE and you'll never forgive me. Neither will Sam.
JAKE: This is the part where I have to wait until tomorrow for you to just TELL ME ALREADY, isn't it?
CHAPEL
MICHAEL: I hope you prayed for a miracle, Mom, because Dad needs one right now.
Friday, September 11, 2015
Sonny Watch
As Sonny lies in the ER hovering between life and death, he is the most popular patient in the hospital (probably because it seems like he's the ONLY patient in the hospital). Michael is his first visitor and he's taken to calling Sonny "Dad" again. Carly comes in next and reassures her groom that the wedding has been merely postponed. TJ thanks Sonny for saving his life. Then Morgan comes in, vowing to avenge his father's shooting.
Anna is conflicted about throwing Sloane under the bus. Sloane visits Nikolas and Hayden at Wyndemere and demands that the Cassadine prince pony up. Liz worries when she sees Jake covered in Sonny's blood. Patrick worries that Sam might be an adrenaline junkie. Morgan threatens Julian at the PCPD. Dante loses it after Julian provokes him.
HOSPITAL
PATRICK: Removing the bullet from Sonny could paralyze him.
CARLY: Could he die?
PATRICK: That could happen too. It's risky business, this surgery.
CARLY: Just save his life, Patrick. Scrub up and start operating.
PATRICK: Not until Sonny is strong enough.
CARLY: I will give him my strength. Michael will too. Even Morgan can manage to give his father some strength.
JORDAN'S OFFICE
ANNA: About the immunity deal for Sloane, he won't be needing it because he's an opportunistic bastard.
JORDAN: Oooookay. Sorry I told you to go for it with him. You so don't need opportunistic bastards in your life right now.
ANNA: Agreed. Duke's ashes are still fresh.
JORDAN: So do you want me to go after Sloane for his part in rigging the election? I can have his place searched.
ANNA: Nah, don't go to the trouble.
JORDAN: Color me confused. You don't want me to give Sloane immunity, but you don't want me to prosecute him for election tampering either?
ANNA: You've got bigger fish to fry. Julian Jerome being one of the biggest.
HOSPITAL
MICHAEL: Dad--yes, I'm back to calling you Dad--I know I've been seriously pissed at you for almost a whole year now for, you know, killing AJ and all, but since you might die, I figure it's a good time to forgive you.
UNCONSCIOUS SONNY: Sure, forgive me while I'm out of it and hooked up to machines.
MICHAEL: You're the only dad I have left, so even though I wanted to throw you in the pen for killing my bio dad, I don't want you to die.
UNCONSCIOUS SONNY: I suppose that's progress.
WYNDEMERE
HAYDEN: Spencer is a RIOT, Nikolas! He was all re-enacting his first day of school and telling me about how he put the smackdown on some older boys who thew him shade about his Cassadine dress code. Oh and he says he needs his great-grandmother Helena's help with his homework.
NIKOLAS: Since when does my Machiavellian grandmother do long division?
HAYDEN: It's something about a family tree and from what he says, yours is a real doozy.
NIKOLAS: That's one way of putting it.
SLOANE: Don't mind me. I'm just here to collect my compensation for NOT ratting you out to Jake and Sam.
NIKOLAS: PFFFFFT! You threw me under a double-decker bus to Anna Devane. Prepare for a massive paycut.
SLOANE: I flipped once and I can flip again. Especially if it gets me Anna back. Pony up, your majesty.
HOSPITAL
CARLY: Sonny, I know you can hear me and I'm asking you to please not die on me. The wedding is still on, by the way. It's just on hold while some elevator music is playing and a voice comes over the line every few minutes saying that your life is important to us.
UNCONSCIOUS SONNY: Leave it to me to get shot on my own wedding day. TJ still breathin'?
CARLY: TJ is fine. He says you saved his life.
UNCONSCIOUS SONNY: You wanna know who saved my life? The ghost of Jason, that's who.
PCPD
MORGAN: Let me at that bastard who shot MY DAD and PUT HIM IN THE HOSPITAL!
DANTE: That's MY job, Morgan. Guys, hold my little brother back and someone go find some tranquilizer darts.
MORGAN: If HE DIES, YOU DIE, Julian!
JULIAN: Shut it, brat!
DANTE: Get Morgan out of here before he blows a gasket! And throw Jerome in the slammer while you're at it.
JULIAN: Hey, Lulu, what's it like to be married to Sonny, Jr.? Wait 'til he gets half the town preggers with little Corinthos spawn!
DANTE: DEM'S FIGHTIN' WORDS! (slugs Julian)
HOSPITAL
TJ: Sonny, you are the bestest of badass mob bosses. You saved my life tonight and you'll forever be my hero!
UNCONSCIOUS SONNY: You're alive and without a scratch? Sweet! Mission accomplished. Tell your mom the Commish that I've always got your back.
LIZ'S HOUSE
LIZ: Jake! You're covered in blood! Please tell me you're not working for So--for Julian again!
JAKE: It's Sonny's blood and I kinda saved his life after some dude shot him.
LIZ: What were you doing hanging out with Sonny?
JAKE: I was hanging out with Sam and we just happened to hear gunshots so I went to see what was going on. TJ was tied to a chair and Sonny was on the floor in a pool of blood. Those thugs were about to shoot Sonny again when I took them out, one by one.
LIZ: OMG! You're a hitman again!
JAKE: Again?
LIZ: Does the name...Helena Cassadine ring a bell?
JAKE: Don't worry about me, Uhlizabeth. I'm way too badass to let MYSELF get shot.
HOSPITAL
PATRICK: What were you THINKING, Sam? You could have gotten KILLED!
SAM: Now where have I heard THAT before?
PATRICK: Don't you know you should be running AWAY from bullets, not TOWARD them?
SAM: If I didn't go into that warehouse and call 911, Sonny would have DIED, Patrick. And TJ would have been still tied to a chair.
PATRICK: I hereby diagnose you, Sam Morgan, with a superhero complex.
SAM: Are you mad because I let Jake fill in as my adventure buddy?
MORGAN: Dad, I'm gonna KILL the guy who did this to you. VIGILANTE JUSTICE IS MINE!
UNCONSCIOUS SONNY: CRAP! I was supposed to take you to the shrink tomorrow!
LIZ'S HOUSE
LIZ: Jake, I have to tell you something.
JAKE: This really oughtta be a drinking game.
Anna is conflicted about throwing Sloane under the bus. Sloane visits Nikolas and Hayden at Wyndemere and demands that the Cassadine prince pony up. Liz worries when she sees Jake covered in Sonny's blood. Patrick worries that Sam might be an adrenaline junkie. Morgan threatens Julian at the PCPD. Dante loses it after Julian provokes him.
HOSPITAL
PATRICK: Removing the bullet from Sonny could paralyze him.
CARLY: Could he die?
PATRICK: That could happen too. It's risky business, this surgery.
CARLY: Just save his life, Patrick. Scrub up and start operating.
PATRICK: Not until Sonny is strong enough.
CARLY: I will give him my strength. Michael will too. Even Morgan can manage to give his father some strength.
JORDAN'S OFFICE
ANNA: About the immunity deal for Sloane, he won't be needing it because he's an opportunistic bastard.
JORDAN: Oooookay. Sorry I told you to go for it with him. You so don't need opportunistic bastards in your life right now.
ANNA: Agreed. Duke's ashes are still fresh.
JORDAN: So do you want me to go after Sloane for his part in rigging the election? I can have his place searched.
ANNA: Nah, don't go to the trouble.
JORDAN: Color me confused. You don't want me to give Sloane immunity, but you don't want me to prosecute him for election tampering either?
ANNA: You've got bigger fish to fry. Julian Jerome being one of the biggest.
HOSPITAL
MICHAEL: Dad--yes, I'm back to calling you Dad--I know I've been seriously pissed at you for almost a whole year now for, you know, killing AJ and all, but since you might die, I figure it's a good time to forgive you.
UNCONSCIOUS SONNY: Sure, forgive me while I'm out of it and hooked up to machines.
MICHAEL: You're the only dad I have left, so even though I wanted to throw you in the pen for killing my bio dad, I don't want you to die.
UNCONSCIOUS SONNY: I suppose that's progress.
WYNDEMERE
HAYDEN: Spencer is a RIOT, Nikolas! He was all re-enacting his first day of school and telling me about how he put the smackdown on some older boys who thew him shade about his Cassadine dress code. Oh and he says he needs his great-grandmother Helena's help with his homework.
NIKOLAS: Since when does my Machiavellian grandmother do long division?
HAYDEN: It's something about a family tree and from what he says, yours is a real doozy.
NIKOLAS: That's one way of putting it.
SLOANE: Don't mind me. I'm just here to collect my compensation for NOT ratting you out to Jake and Sam.
NIKOLAS: PFFFFFT! You threw me under a double-decker bus to Anna Devane. Prepare for a massive paycut.
SLOANE: I flipped once and I can flip again. Especially if it gets me Anna back. Pony up, your majesty.
HOSPITAL
CARLY: Sonny, I know you can hear me and I'm asking you to please not die on me. The wedding is still on, by the way. It's just on hold while some elevator music is playing and a voice comes over the line every few minutes saying that your life is important to us.
UNCONSCIOUS SONNY: Leave it to me to get shot on my own wedding day. TJ still breathin'?
CARLY: TJ is fine. He says you saved his life.
UNCONSCIOUS SONNY: You wanna know who saved my life? The ghost of Jason, that's who.
PCPD
MORGAN: Let me at that bastard who shot MY DAD and PUT HIM IN THE HOSPITAL!
DANTE: That's MY job, Morgan. Guys, hold my little brother back and someone go find some tranquilizer darts.
MORGAN: If HE DIES, YOU DIE, Julian!
JULIAN: Shut it, brat!
DANTE: Get Morgan out of here before he blows a gasket! And throw Jerome in the slammer while you're at it.
JULIAN: Hey, Lulu, what's it like to be married to Sonny, Jr.? Wait 'til he gets half the town preggers with little Corinthos spawn!
DANTE: DEM'S FIGHTIN' WORDS! (slugs Julian)
HOSPITAL
TJ: Sonny, you are the bestest of badass mob bosses. You saved my life tonight and you'll forever be my hero!
UNCONSCIOUS SONNY: You're alive and without a scratch? Sweet! Mission accomplished. Tell your mom the Commish that I've always got your back.
LIZ'S HOUSE
LIZ: Jake! You're covered in blood! Please tell me you're not working for So--for Julian again!
JAKE: It's Sonny's blood and I kinda saved his life after some dude shot him.
LIZ: What were you doing hanging out with Sonny?
JAKE: I was hanging out with Sam and we just happened to hear gunshots so I went to see what was going on. TJ was tied to a chair and Sonny was on the floor in a pool of blood. Those thugs were about to shoot Sonny again when I took them out, one by one.
LIZ: OMG! You're a hitman again!
JAKE: Again?
LIZ: Does the name...Helena Cassadine ring a bell?
JAKE: Don't worry about me, Uhlizabeth. I'm way too badass to let MYSELF get shot.
HOSPITAL
PATRICK: What were you THINKING, Sam? You could have gotten KILLED!
SAM: Now where have I heard THAT before?
PATRICK: Don't you know you should be running AWAY from bullets, not TOWARD them?
SAM: If I didn't go into that warehouse and call 911, Sonny would have DIED, Patrick. And TJ would have been still tied to a chair.
PATRICK: I hereby diagnose you, Sam Morgan, with a superhero complex.
SAM: Are you mad because I let Jake fill in as my adventure buddy?
MORGAN: Dad, I'm gonna KILL the guy who did this to you. VIGILANTE JUSTICE IS MINE!
UNCONSCIOUS SONNY: CRAP! I was supposed to take you to the shrink tomorrow!
LIZ'S HOUSE
LIZ: Jake, I have to tell you something.
JAKE: This really oughtta be a drinking game.
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