Carly & Sonny's Wedding #5: Scene Stealer

      The adorable Crypt Baby was in full-throttle cute mode today, chewing on headbands and teething rings and saying "Yay!", blissfully unaware of her daddy clinging to life on the warehouse floor.  As a matter of fact, the bride is blissfully unaware just the same, until Jake shows up with blood on his shirt.  TJ feel guilty about Sonny being shot.  Sloane has something to hold over Anna's head in exchange for an immunity deal.  Hayden is skeptical of the false memories Nikolas is trying to plant in her head.  Carly is happy that Morgan is willing to see Dr. Collins. 

      SONNY'S HOUSE

      MORGAN:  Where the hell is Dad?  What's taking him so long?   Now that I'm not so hung over, I'm really, REALLY nervous. 
      DANTE:  Something's not right here.  I'm gonna call my cop friends down at the station.  
      MORGAN:  You think Dad's been arrested or somethin'?  
      DANTE:  I don't know what to think, man. 

      WAREHOUSE

      JAKE:  (shooting at Charlie and his goons) BANG!  BANG BANG BANG!   I think I got 'em all.  Sam, untie TJ.   I'm gonna try to save Sonny's life, even though he hates my guts.  Sonny, stay alive, man! 
      TJ:  He's still alive?   That's good.  I thought he was dead and those goons were going to kill me next.   Thanks for the save, man.  
     JAKE:  Crap.  He's gonna bleed to death.  Call 911, Sam.  If only I had some MacGyver doctor skills.  Carly's my BFF and I can't let her fiance die on their wedding day. 
     SAM:  (on the phone with 911):  Man with GSW and bleeding up an ocean in a warehouse on Pier 54.  Hurry!  It's his wedding day!  
     TJ:  He was shot through the heart and I'm to blame.  He came here to save MY ass.  

      JORDAN'S OFFICE

      ANNA:  So, Kyle, did you convince Nikolas to give ELQ back to Michael?  
      SLOANE:  Nope.  In a tug-of-war between a guy who's paying me to be on his side and a woman who doesn't want to be my main squeeze, you lost, Anna. 
      ANNA:  So you flipped on me because I wouldn't go out with you?   Some moral compass you have! 
      SLOANE:  While we're on the subject of moral compasses, why don't you ask Carrrrrrrlos's ghost where you left yours. 
      ANNA:  You're really gonna go there?   Kyle, I haven't properly grieved each and every ash of Duke's I scattered and I cannot be with another man until I do just that.  In the meantime, you had an immunity deal contingent on you helping me return ELQ to its rightful owners. 
     SLOANE:  You turn me in, I'll turn you in.  

     SONNY'S HOUSE

      MAXIE:  Stay put, ladies!  I have to go find the groom so I can keep the bride as far away from him as humanly possible.  
      CARLY:  This day is so perfect.  Nothing can POSSIBLY go wrong.  
      MAXIE:  Don't tempt fate. 

     WYNDEMERE

       NIKOLAS:  This is what I know, Hayden.  You know who Jake is, but I don't.  
       HAYDEN:  Yeah, because your grandmother, who I've never met, by the way, told me over a game of mah jong, or was it cribbage?   So why was grandma trying to get me to keep secrets from you, Nikolas?  
       NIKOLAS:  My grandmother isn't some kindly old lady who spends her days knitting sweaters and her nights in the bingo hall.  She's the diabolical matriarch of my Greco-Russian royal family.   She will use anyone she sees fit to serve her agenda.  
       HAYDEN:  So why were we fighting about Jake before we got our lovin' on?  
       NIKOLAS:  Because you were pretending to be married to him and I got jealous.  
       HAYDEN:  PFFFFFT!   Try again.  
       NIKOLAS:  What else do you want me to tell you, Hayden?  That the world is really flat?  

     SONNY'S HOUSE

      SABRINA:  Look what I brought for the cutest baby in Port Chuckles!  
      AVERY:  GIMME!   (chews on the headband Sabrina gives her)  YAY!  
      MICHAEL:  She likes it.  Just not for its intended purpose.  
      LULU:  Oh, my ever-lovin' UTERUS!   Dante, we HAVE to have another baby.   Find that embryo YESTERDAY! 
      DANTE:  I'm on it.  
      VALERIE'S UNBORN BABY:  Speaking of babies, I have a little surprise for you.  
      BOBBIE:  Valerie, are you okay? 
      VALERIE:  I think I'm gonna--
      VALERIE'S UNBORN BABY:  Here it comes!  
      BOBBIE:  Maybe I should take you home.  
     
      WAREHOUSE

        COP:  What's going on here? 
        JAKE:  A man's DYING, that's what's going on here. 
        SONNY:  (with much effort) CRAP!... I'm... gonna... miss... my... wedding.  
        JAKE:  Hang in there, Sonny.  Try to bleed a little less.   You're running out.  
        SONNY:  Tell...Carly
         EMT:  We gotta get him stable before we take him to the hospital.  He's DYING HERE! 
         TJ:  This is ALL MY FAULT!

        SONNY'S HOUSE

        CARLY:  Morgan, Sonny told me about this morning.  How are you doing?  
        MORGAN:  A little better, I guess.  Dad was really amazing, like, a real father or something.  
        CARLY:  He loves you, and so do I and we want you to see a shrink so you'll get well. 
        MORGAN:  You know, I think I actually might do that.  Dad said he'll go with me. 
        CARLY:  My heart is filled with joy and pride!   Today has been perfect.  Nothing could possibly go wrong. 

         MAXIE:  What do you MEAN the groom's not here yet?  We can't have a wedding without the GROOM!   And where's the friggin' CAKE?   Didn't TJ say he would make it.  Since when does TJ BAKE???  
         AVERY:  YAY!   YAY!  YAY! 
         MAXIE:  If only it were that simple...

         CARLY:  Maxie, you know you don't need to stress out about this wedding.  EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE PERFECT.  
          MAXIE:  About that, we have a slight problem.   The groom is MIA.  
         CARLY:  Say WHAAAAAAAAAT?   Nah, just kidding, Maxie.   I'm not worried about Sonny.  He's just taking care of a last-minute surprise.   Sonny loves to surprise me.   I bet he's going to bring back a miniature wedding cake just for Avery!  

          MICHAEL:  Does my baby sister get cuter every day or what?  
          AVERY:  YAY! 
          SABRINA:  She must know it's her daddy's wedding day because she's very excited. 
          AVERY:  YAY!  YAY!  YAY!  YAY! 
          CARLY:  Is that my soon-to-be daughter?   She's talking up a storm these days.  Sometimes I think she really IS related to me.  
           JAKE:  (comes in with Sonny's blood all over his shirt) Hate to crash a wedding, but...