Revenge Wedding Part I: Where's Da Groom?

The Carly/Franco Revenge Wedding is ON, my friends!   But it can't start until the groom shows up.   Nutty Nina puts her plan in motion with the aid of Mama Madeline/"Dr. Mooney".  

Nina:  Damn Silas!  We have to get him OUT OF THAT HOUSE so I can have a clear shot at my BABYMAMA Ava.   MOMMY, this is where you come in.   YOU need to get Silas out of the Brownstone.   Think of the money, Mommy.  Think of the money!   Country clubs!   Swimming Pools!  Movie Stars!   No more poorhouse!   You could always ask Auntie Leisl to call him into work.   So, now that you've lured Silas, Mommy, you need to babysit him.  Make sure Sam keeps him occupied while I go pay a visit to my dear friend AVA.  I have the Needle of Badness ready to work its magic and bring me my BABY!   You're gonna be a grandma, Mommy!    Aaaavvvaaa, look who's here!  

Madeline:  So how do you propose I remove Silas from the brownstone?   He sees me as Public Enemy #1.   Okay, I have a plan.   I need a white coat, some glasses, and a good "doctor name".   Just where do you think you're going with that folder, Mr. Lab Tech?   My name is Dr. Mooney and I need to take a look at that file.  You know, a little cut here, a little paste there, bada bing bada boom, kid's sick again.  Sam Morgan begs Silas to come take a look at the results himself.  He's at the hospital.  Ava Jerome's by her lonesome, but not for long.  The things I'll do for a buck.  

Jordan:  Hey, security guy, is Shawn around?   Wrong answer!  (clocks the security guard).   Who are you and what is Shawn doing holding you here?   Did you not get the memo?   Shawn doesn't work for Franco.  He works for Sonny Corinthos.  I'm okay, Shawn but you need to get over here like yesterday.  This woman is lethal when she's in BLT withdrawal.  

Heather:  Who the hell are you?  Oh, that good looking, fit black gentleman who provides me with all the BLTs I can eat while I wait to be escorted to Franco's wedding?   He DOESN'T work for Franco?   We have a problem, sweetie pie.   Here, play with some bubble wrap.   Let's take a selfie, shall we?   Now, we text this to Shawn to show him just what will happen if he doesn't let me talk to my son.   So, Shawn, you got my texts.  I've got your girlfriend and her little gun too.  Put Franco on or I might have to use it.   Now you'd better come rescue Jordan before starvation gets the better of me.   BLTs or I shoot.   That was too easy.  I'm coming, dear son!

Shawn:   Hey, Franco.  I've got a surprise for you from the boss, and I ain't talking about Springsteen.  You know too much about the whole Sonny shooting AJ thing, so make peace with your maker while I give my little pre-shooting speech.   Looks like the natives are getting restless and hungry for more BLTs.   Hey, Heather, what's this about you tying up Jordan?   Alright, fine.  Franco, it's for you.   It's your loony mother.   If you lay a finger on Jordan, I'll destroy you faster than you can say BLT.   Fine, if you're gonna do it that way...  Sonny, I did the deed.  Franco's dead.   Or something like that.  

Franco:  So, what kind of mob hitman shoots the groom on his wedding day?   If you shoot me, Carly's going to find out and it won't be pretty.   You're going to frame my mother?   Points for creativity.   Hi, mother.   You're going to be late for my wedding.  Hell, I'm late for my wedding because Sonny's goomba has a gun pointed at me.   I'm here, Carly.   You didn't think I'd miss my own wedding day, did you? 

Ava:  You know what, Silas?   Sam's not so bad after all.  You should really get back together with her.  It sure beats that psycho wife of yours.   Go be with Sam, Silas.  I'll be okay.  Morgan should be back any minute.   Thanks again for the Needle of Goodness.   Morgan, is that you? 

Morgan:  Dad, what's the deal with you and Ava?   She told me you shot AJ.  Is that true?   Even after you PROMISED Michael you wouldn't and he's like your favoritest son and everything?    I'm not going to tell him you killed his bio dad if you promise not to kill Ava.  Deal or no deal?   What?   Ava killed Connie?  

Sonny:  Ava has to die, son.   There are no two ways about it.   DAMN IT, MORGAN!  YES I SHOT AJ QUARTERMAINE!!!!   No deal.  Still killing Ava.   Why, BECAUSE SHE KILLED CONNIE, THAT'S WHY!!! 

Michael:  Where's Morgan?  I have to suffer through this Revenge Wedding, so should he.  I MUST FIND OUT WHO KILLED AJ. 

Kiki:  Morgan...he's got a touch of the flu, no, TB, no I think he said he has rabies.   That's it.   But I'm here and don't I look purdy?  

Carly:  Spencer, did Franco know you were hiding out at my house and scaring the crap out of Nikolas?   Remember, you're under oath, so tell me the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.  

Spencer:  Yellow again, Josslyn?   Of course, it's the color of CORN!   Josslyn wasn't the only one who knew I was a fugitive from Spoon Island.  Oh, alright, Franco knew.  Now I have to go, 'cuz Mr. Franco is scarier than the chupacabra.  

Brad:   Can't talk now, Sam.  On the way to a verrry interesting wedding.   Ok, I'll get the results but you're making me late to meet your brother.  You remember he's your brother, don't you?   Hey, doc I've never seen before.   Just delivering some results to the mother of one of Dr. Clay's patients.   Ok, whatever, just hurry up.  Time's a wasting.   Ok, here they are, Sam.   Catch you later.