Revenge Wedding Part II: Happy Hell-No-Ween!

The Port Chuck universe and the real universe have finally come into alignment and it's the same day in both.   And what a day it has been...

 Nina:  Ava, Ava, Ava, it's time for a little chat.   You can run, but you can't hide from NINA!!!    You know what, BITCH?  Nina's got a little Halloween treat for you.  (Sticks Needle of Badness #1 into Ava's back).   CHILLAX!   This stuff's gonna shut down your muscles one by one.   Why?  So you'll let me stick Needle of Badness #2 in there to TAKE MY BABY from you.  That's right, Ava, MY BABY!!!   Shut up, Ava's cellphone!  SHUT UP!!!  Who's calling?  Why it's SILAS!   Come on, you guys are TOTES back together and you were SCREW SCREW SCREWING last night!   You have to ask me WHY I'm doing this, Ava?  You have to ask???   It's because I was once pregnant, then YOU AND SILAS SCREWED AND HAD A KID and I WAS PUT INTO A 20 YEAR COMA!  A TWENTY YEAR COMA!!!  (puts her hands all over Ava's belly)  Rockabye baby in Ava's womb!  When Nina comes you'll be born real soon.  (readies Needle of Badness #2).  Just wait I plunge this bad boy into you.  It won't be long, baby.  MAMA NINA'S COMING FOR YOU!!!  

 Ava:  What are you doing here, you deranged whackjob?    Who let you in?   And where the hell is Morgan?    We don't have anything to chat about, NINA!   WHAT DID YOU JUST DO TO ME?  WHY?  WHY????   OMG, where's my phone.   Must call Silas now.   I didn't steal your baby you psychopath, your creepy mother did!   It's MY BABY!   DON'T TAKE MY BABY!   DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER! 

  Madeline:  Don't mind me, Leisl.  I'm just babysitting Silas and feeling guilty about what I did to Sam.   Where's Nina?   How should I know?   For all we know she could be plunging Needles of Badness into Ava Jerome right now.   Fondness for syringes runs in our family, after all. 

  Dr. O:   Well, if it isn't my least favorite patient in the hospital.  Herr Doe, you vouldn't know a German accent if it hit you upside ze head!   Nurse Webber, zere are ozzer patients in zis hospital, you know.   Magda, I sought you were done squatting in my office.   Vere's my prescription pad?   Who did you put in a 20 year coma zis time, Magda?   Here, Herr Doe.  Zis is your bill.  You are being evicted from zis hospital.  Good riddance!

 Jake:  Nein!  Nein!  Nein!  Ich var eine berliner!   See, I didn't lose my sense of humor in that accident.  Memory, yes.  Funny bone, no.   Hey, Uhlizabeth, I've got a Halloween treat for you that isn't edible.   Now since my phone, if I had one, didn't survive the accident, I can't take a selfie, so I've forgotten what I look like.   Draw me.   That's what I look like?  Dang, I hope I was better looking before getting run over by a SUV.  Nah, just kidding.  I'm as handsome as ever.   What's this, Dr. O?   My walking papers?    Who am I going to have to rip off to come up with that kind of dough? 

Liz:  Jake, you are hilarious!   Don't mind Dr. O.   She'd hate me even if I cured cancer, AIDS, and ebola in one fell swoop. You got me some candy?   Not sure my blood sugar and tooth enamel have recovered yet from Beggar's night.   Oh, a drawing set.   What am I supposed to draw with this?  You?  Ok, I'll give it shot.  (Draws Jake) What do you think? 

Carly:  Franco, why did you hack into my computer to try to steal the recording of Sonny shooting AJ?   Ok, so you were just being paranoid and those days are behind you.  Good.  Let's get on with this wedding before Joss jumps overboard.   I do. 

Franco:   Come on, Carly, Ava caught me when I was feeling all insecure and paranoid about you sleeping with Sonny.   Now go get dressed so we can start this wedding.  HELL NO!   WHY WOULD I MARRY A LYING CHEATING WHORE?*

Josslyn:  (throws flower petals angrily down, then sprinkles them one by one.)  Um, Lucy, I have something to say about Mom marrying that freak!   OMG, FREAK SAID HELL NO! 

Silas:  Sam, we'd better run some more tests on Danny to make sure someone like, I don't know, Madeline Reeves, didn't switch the results.   Ava, pick up, dammit!   Hi Danny.  Wanna help me with that test again?   You get a lollipop!   Good boy.   Texts Ava:  What's up?  Getting worried.  Morgan back yet?

Sam:  What if these tests come back with bad news too?   I'll call mom and have her bring Danny.   Thanks, Silas.  Please let it be good news this time.  Thanks Mom and Julian.

Danny:  I wanna push some buttons, Grandma.  Hi Dr. Silas.  Do you have a lollipop?




Julian:  Ava didn't kill AJ, Commissioner.   Stop finding reasons to haul me in here.  Alexis!   Good to see you're not freezing me out.  Hey there, Danny.   What?  He's sick again?  

Anna:  Julian, tell me the truth.  Did your sister kill AJ Quartermaine?   Dante, I'm beginning to believe your father is involved.  

Dante:  None of these theories make sense.  Why would Sonny shoot AJ in Ava's apartment?   Yeah, I'm afraid my father might have been the one to pull the trigger, even though he promised Michael he wouldn't. 

Alexis:  Julian, Danny might be sick again.

Morgan:  I don't believe for one minute that Ava shot Connie, Dad.   Why would she shoot her.  She didn't even KNOW her?   Let me hear this proof you have.  OMG OMG OMG!!!  You were right all along, Dad.  Ava's a monster!   Why didn't you tell me this before.  Like before I let her shack up at the Brownstone?   Welcome back to my good side, Dad. 

Sonny:  Ava shot Connie, Morgan.  She shot her because Connie found out that Derek Wells was Julian Jerome.   She SHOT CONNIE IN COLD BLOOD!!!   I have proof.  Have a listen to this.  I shot the wrong man, son.  I didn't tell you before because I didn't want it getting back to Michael.  You know where Ava's hiding?   Do tell, son.  Do tell.  Thank you, son.   You're inching closer to Michael in the Most Favored Son contest.