Beggars Can't Be Choosers

The Longest Day Ever in Port Chuckles continues...

 Nathan:  So, Diane, the thing is, this Judge Walters guy has a creepy obsession with Maxie and won't let her see me unless she wants to risk never seeing her kid.   Is this even legal?    I can't risk anything backfiring on Maxie because I'm a good guy, unlike the faux-Aussie creep who kidnapped her.  

 Diane:  Dinner's on me, Nathan.   I kicked Scotty Baldwin's ass in court today and I want to celebrate!   Woo hoo!   So this impossibly rich widow had a prenup and yada yada yada you're bored.  I always liked you and when we were in court for the custody hearing I was like, you and Maxie should TOTES hook up!   Well, we could go with the bias thing but that could backfire.  So could getting Walters' new squeeze Monica Quartermaine involved.  So, we're back to square one.  Sorry, nice guy Nathan.   I really wanted to help and to stick it to Walters.  

 Sam:  Hey, it's Patrick the lumberjack!   Nice faux beard, adventure buddy!   So Tracy called and Jerry pulled a fast one on her and sent her Larry Ashton instead of Luke.  So much for asking Luke if he's in cahoots with Jerry and whether he ran you off the road.   By the way, what's with the costumes?  Halloween's not until tomorrow.   Kids, help yourself to my candy stash but leave some for the kids who, you know, actually wait for Halloween to trick-or-treat.   So you want me to do the Beggar's Night thing without a costume?   Okay, since Patrick here is a lumberjack, I'll stick some leaves in my pants and in my hair and be a tree.  

 Patrick:  Hey, Sam, ever hear of Beggar's Night?   Yeah, another excuse to grab candy.   What's up with Luke Watch?   Who the hell is this Ashton dude?   Are you sure HE didn't run us off the road?   Come with us to Wyndemere for Cassa-candy.   No costume?  No problem.  We'll think of something. 

 Spencer:  Oh, the angst!  Emma's still with that townie Cameron.  Dad, you don't know what it's like to be a 9-year-old with a broken heart.   Hi, Josslyn.  Corn again?   I have a plan to break up my true love and the townie.  Want in?  

 Josslyn:  Hey Spencer, hand over the candy.  It's Beggar's Night.  Oh, and can you hide me at Wyndemere so I don't have to go to Mom and The Freak's wedding?  

 Emma:  Why is Spencer going out with Corn Girl?  

 Cam:  Screw Spencer!  He's a jerk!   You're with ME now, Emma. 

 Scott:  Got the champagne, got the fuzzy robe, now all I'm missing is...Franco?   Alright, you can come in.   Have a fuzzy robe and some extra-crunchy strawberries.   You know, I had another son once, but now he's dead by the hand of Lulu.  It's not really her fault because he was nuts just like you.   But you get the crazy genes from your mom.  Heather still rotting away at Ferncliff where she belongs?   Wouldn't want her to, I don't know, wreak havoc at your wedding.  

Franco:  Hey, Pops.  Carly kicked me out for her mother-daughter bachelorette party.   Yeah, weird isn't it?  So I thought we'd have a father-son bachelor party.  Let's hang out.  Hey, Beach, what's the lowdown on Heather?   Don't worry, Pop, just making sure Mom's all locked up in Ferncliff for the big day.  Wouldn't want her making any surprise appearances now, would we?  

Carly:  I've got the vino, Mom.  It's officially a bacherlorette party and a no talking about Sonny or Franco zone.   Mom, did you know Luke's being held hostage by Jerry?   Sonny, why are you calling?   Thanks for wishing me luck.  I'll need it, but don't let that go to your head.  

Bobbie:  Are you SURE you want to do this tomorrow?   No doubts about Franco?  No lingering thoughts of Sonny?   Ok  I'll be the supportive mother and beam down on you while praying to God that Franco doesn't pull one of his freakshow stunts at the MetroCourt tomorrow.   The Haunted Star?  Franco changed the venue at the last minute?   What about Luke?   I should have known that my ex Jerry would be involved.   He was a much nicer guy when I dated him way back in the day.  

Maxie:  Diane, why haven't you gotten back to me?   So there is nothing you can do for me and Nathan?