Look At The DIIIIIIIIAMONDS!

       Liz catching Nikolas picking up Haychel's diiiiiiiiamonds made today a blogworthy show.   Also, I love the Nurses' Ball, so you may see a few more blogs this week.    Without further ado...


       METROCOURT
   
       BOBBIE:  Look who's back in town for the Nurses' Ball!  ME!  Or did I never really leave town?  The writers' broom closet is really close quarters.   Oh, hi niece!
       VALERIE:  Hi aunt!   I agree, the broom closet does get pretty crowded.   And here I thought I was off studying at cop school.   At least Lulu isn't trying to sic her fugitive friends on me, so there's that.  Where's my sorta boyfriend Curtis?   Is he hanging out with that Haychel chick again?   By the way, I miss my mom.
        FELIX:  Hey, dayplayers on ladders, put some pep in your step.  Nurses' Ball is TOMORROW!   It's not like we didn't know this for MONTHS IN ADVANCE.   Hop to!
         BRAD:  Take a chill pill, Felix!  The Nurses' Ball is going to be extra awesome this year because Lucas and I are gettin' ourselves hitched!
         FELIX:  Say WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

   
        HOSPITAL

        DR. OBRECHT:  Doctah Finn, consider yourself on notice.   You aah undah investigation.
        DR. FINN:  What for?   Were you not at the meeting with the new Chief of Staff?   Dr. Q says I'm clean as a whistle.   You can stick your German Inquisition where the sun don't shine.
        DR. OBRECHT:  I vouldn't be so cavalier if I vere you, doctah Finn.   I have been looking into your vork in zat city called Minneapolis in ze interest of putting togezzer a Doctah Finn Body Count.
       DR. FINN:  Yeah, good luck with that.   You might just find out that some people die of old age.  You're getting on in years yourself, Dr. O.   Maybe you should be getting your affairs in order.
       DR. OBRECHT:  Aah you sreatening me, Doctah Finn?   I vill continue my investigation and I vill see zat  you aah srown in the SCHLAMMER!

 
      WYNDEMERE

       LIZ:  Look at the DIIIIIIIIIIAMONDS!     That must be A ZILLION CARATS strewn across this floor!   And you said you were broke.
      NIKOLAS:  You didn't see the diamonds, Liz.  Begone!   NOW!
      LIZ:  Overreact much, Nikolas?   OMG, are these HAYCHEL'S DAD'S DIAMONDS????
      NIKOLAS:  What?   You expect me to be living above the local greasy spoon and serving up BLTs at Kelly's?   I have my standards, Liz.
      LIZ:  But those are BLOOD DIAMONDS, Nikolas!   Haychel's dad got them from Ponzi-ing a bunch of poor, unsuspecting people!   I can't unsee this!
      NIKOLAS:  Yes you can and you will.   Cassadine orders.


     SHED IN PUERTO RICO

    MARCOS:  Sorry cuz, but you gots to DIE!
    SABRINA:  Noooo, Marrrrrrrrrrcos!   Don't kill me!   I have a baaaaaaaaybeeeeeee!
    MARCOS:  Your mistake, gettin' involved with Sonny Corrrrrrrintos's kid.
    SABRINA:  But he BROKE UP WITH ME!   I hid Carrrrrrrrrrlos from him and made him believe my baaaaaaaaybeeeeeeee was his!
   MARCOS:  Um...don't care.   I gotta cover my ass, even if it means killing my cuz.
   MICHAEL:  SABS!   (Jumps Marcos and gets his gun)
   SONNY:  Easy, boy.   Kick the gun over to me.   It always looks more badass when I've got one in each hand .
   SABRINA:  Michael, you saved my life!    MY HERO!
   SONNY:  Get a room!  Might I suggest my private jet?   Just finish up by the time I get back from dealing with this random goon.


     ALEXIS & JULIAN'S HOUSE

     JULIAN:  Check this out, good wife.   I have a little something something for you to make up for the whole murdering Carrrrrrrrrrrrlos with your evil step granny's dagger.   You like?   It's full of diiiiiiiiiiamonds!
     ALEXIS:  I don't like your face anymore.
     JULIAN:  Say WHAAAAAAAT?   Is that an accusation, Alexis?   I don't like accusations.   Accusations make me VERY CRANKY!   (cell phone rings)  Whaddaya want?   Oh, hi son I almost forgot I had.
    LUCAS:  (over the phone)  Hey dad, get to GH ASAP.  
    JULIAN:  Are you bleeding?
    LUCAS:  Nope.
    JULIAN:  Is your leg falling off?
    LUCAS:  Nope.
    JULIAN:  I'm kinda in the middle of yelling at my wife.  Can this wait?
    LUCAS:  Nope.
    JULIAN:  Fine, I'll be there and you'd better be in one piece.

   
     SHED IN PUERTO RICO

      MARCOS:  I come in peace, man.
      SONNY:  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!   Prepare to DIE!   Just kidding.  I need you alive to help me send Julian Jerome to Pumpkinville.   Get it?  Pumpkinville?   Orange jumpsuits?   Where's your sense of humor, man?
      MARCOS:  I don't know no Julian Jerome.   Is he in the NBA?   Is he on Game of Thrones?   Is he running for President?  
      SONNY:  Does the name Carrrrrrrrrrrlos Rrrrrrrriverrrrrrra ring a bell? 
      MARCOS:  Well, DUH!   Carrrrrrrrrrrlos is my compadre.   We go back a long way.   He didn't say nothin' about this Julian Jerome guy. 
      SONNY:  You know what, Marrrrrrrrrcos?   I'm not gonna kill ya.   I'll let the fellas in cellblock D do the honors.  Orange really is your color.     
 
     WYNDEMERE

     HAYCHEL:  Gimme my DIIIIIIIIIIIIAMONDS BACK!  
     NIKOLAS:  NOT. GONNA. HAPPEN.
     HAYCHEL:  Dem's FIGHTIN' WORDS!   (Jumps Nikolas and they end up on the floor) Hey, you wanna have some Petit Mort?
     NIKOLAS:  You disgust me!   By the way, you're going to pretend to be my loving wife tomorrow at the Nurses' Ball.  Cassadine Orders.   You know what those mean, don't you, Haychel?
     HAYCHEL:  Two words:  Orange Jumpsuit.


    SONNY'S PLANE

     SABRINA:  OMG OMG OMG!   Marrrrrrrrcos could have killed me and I might never have seen my baaaaaaaybeeeeee again!   Sorry I lied about Carrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrlos, Michael.  
     MICHAEL:  Aw, Sabs, I'm sorry I ditched you and drove you to run away with the guy!   Why didn't you TELL me that life on the run with a fugitive was getting under your skin?
     SABRINA:  Because...because he shot your dad and you guys hated his guts and I had all the guilt feels about making you believe you were the baby daddy and I knew I wouldn't last five minutes in lockup and...
     MICHAEL:  Hey, I get it, I get it.   You know Carrrrrrrrrlos is dead for real this time, right?
     SABRINA:  Come on, Michael, this is Port Chuckles!    No one dies for real in this town!  
   
 
     METROCOURT

     CURTIS:  Hey girlfriend!   Nice moves.
     VALERIE:  So you decided to show up after all.   How come I don't get to see you practice stripping?
      CURTIS:  Because Lucy Coe has us rehearse in an undisclosed location.  No spoilers, girl!  Not even for you.
      VALERIE:  How about for Haychel?
      CURTIS:  Say WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?
      VALERIE:  Ha ha! Just kidding!

 
     HOSPITAL

       HAYCHEL:  Dr. Finn.  Here's 10 grand.   Does that make me slightly less of a bitch to you?  
       DR. FINN:  Um, NO!
       HAYCHEL:  Well, I tried.   At least you'll never run out of lizard food.
       DR. FINN:  Roxy's a BEARDED DRAGON, you idiot!

       LIZ:  Dr. Finn, are you going to pass out?
       DR. FINN:  NONEOFYADAMNBIZNESS!
       LIZ:  That went well...

       JULIAN:  So, Lucas, what's the big emergency?  
       LUCAS:  I'm getting married at the Nurses' Ball tomorrow and a need a best man.   Are you in, Dad?
       JULIAN:  Um, NO!
       LUCAS:  Say WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?    I thought you were totally down with my gay marriage.   You told me you voted for Bernie Sanders in the primary.
       JULIAN:  I've totally gone progressive, son.  I'm feeling the Bern real good.  Trouble is, I just offed Carrrrrrrrrrlos and stuff's a little crazy right now.   You understand, don't you?    A Jerome's gotta do what a Jerome's gotta do.

   
      ALEXIS & JULIANS' HOUSE

     ALEXIS:  Diane, will you help me pick my self-respect off the floor?
     DIANE:  I can try.   Is it about your mobster hubby and the Carrrrrrrlos thing?
     ALEXIS:  I knew he was a mobster when I married him but HE SAID HE'D CHANGED!
     DIANE:  This is going to be harder than I'd thought.   Do you have any actual factual evidence that can get him sent up the river?
     ALEXIS:  Well...
     JULIAN:  You didn't tell me we had company.   Are you conspiring with Diane to accuse me of more stuff I actually did but won't admit to doing?

    
      METROCOURT

      BRAD:  Hey Felix, a little favor to ask.  This is really last minute, but I kinda need a best man for my wedding tomorrow.   Interested?
       FELIX:  You're right, it's totes last minute and feels like a sad consolation prize...but what the hey?   It's not like I won't be looking FAB-U-LOSO for the Ball already, so you've got yourself a best man.
       LUCAS:  Sweet.  Thanks, Felix.   My dad turned me down because "stuff got complicated" so my sister's going to step in and be my best person.   This is going to be THE BEST NURSES' BALL EVER!