Nurses' Ball 2016 Day 2: Game of Throne

       It may not have been on stage (because that would have been REALLY tacky!) but the ol' commode made an appearance Day 2 of the Nurses' Ball all the same...

        BALLROOM

         NED:  Don't I look like Elton? 
         EMMA:  Don't I look very cute? 
         NED:  Don't fall off the piano!  
         EMMA:  I love to sparkle and shine! 
         NED:  I'm still around.  Don't forget I'm in town.   E-ven though NOBODY KNOWS IT! 
         EMMA: When were you la-st on?  
         NED:  I think it was when my mom had brain worms.  
         NED:  I'm a Quartermaine!
         EMMA:  And I'm a Scorpio-Drake!  
         NED & EMMA:  Get your checkbooks out now!  

         LUCY:  What they said!   Isn't Emma the CUTEST THING YOU'VE EVER SEEN? 

         FELIX:  Hey Brad, your other half is missing.   Where's Lucas?
         BRAD:  Don't sweat it.  He's off doing Lucas things. 
        
       
         BACKSTAGE

  
         EPIPHANY:  What the HAYULL is goin' on in there?   (opens bathroom door)
         DR. OBRECHT:  ERNTER MER NER!    ER NERD TER PERFERM MER NERMBER.  ZER SERND ERF MERSERK!  
         EPIPHANY:  Hmmm, do I really want to take the gag outta this woman's mouth?  
         DR. OBRECHT:  DERNT JERST STERND ZERE!   GERT ZERS GERG ERTA MER MERF!          EPIPHANY:  (reluctantly removes gag) Don't make me regret this.  
         DR. OBRECHT:  Now get me off zis verflucht toilet and find my handpuppets AT ONCE!
         EPIPHANY:   Do you mean to say the queen wants to be dethroned?    As for the puppets, do you remember one Mr. Marbles?  


        BALLROOM
   
         HAYCHEL:  So, Commish, about that time I was shot...
         JORDAN:  Really?   You're going to make me WORK at the friggin' NURSES' BALL?   Get lost!  

     
        FELIX:  Hey Brad, your other half is missing.   Where's Lucas?
        BRAD:  Don't sweat it.  He's off doing Lucas things. 


       
       BACKSTAGE

            LUCAS:  OMG, Mom?   Isn't the floor kind of a rough place to take a nap?  
         BOBBIE:  Lucas?   Where are we?   Why am I dressed as a nurse?  OMG, this is the Nurses' Ball!   Why is backstage spinning like the mirror ball at the Campus Disco?  
         LUCAS:  Yeah, we better get you to the hospital and trade that nurse's getup for a gown and slippery socks.  
         BOBBIE:  Remember how you're supposed to get married in 5 minutes?  


         CARLY:  Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the cheapest slut of all. 
         AVA:  Cute, Carly, real cute.  Too bad your nursery rhymes will be lost on Avery because tomorrow morning, she's MINE!
         CARLY:  I don't think so.  Watch it and weep, Jerome!

     VIDEO CLIP

        AVA:  Smack me good, Paul, smack me REAL GOOD!  
        PAUL:  50 Shades of Sexy Paintings, baby!   You know artwork has eyes.  
        AVA:  Don't I know it!   Artwork tells no lies.   It lays it all out for everyone to see!  
        PAUL:  What exactly do you mean by that, sugarlips?  

      
    BACKSTAGE

      AVA:  You know I recorded that on purpose, didn't you?   You never know when you're gonna need a sex tape to spice things up.  
      CARLY:  Wait until Kiki sees it.   Wait 'till it goes VIRAL!   


     BALLROOM
       
          LUCY:  As if one cute kiddo on stage at the Nurses' Ball weren't enough, here is Jake Webber!           JAKE:  Need. Franco.  NOW!
          LIZ:  You can do it, Jakey!  
          FRANCO:  Quackity quack, don't talk back!  
          JAKE:  Quack quack baby! 
          FRANCO:  You quack me up!  
          JAKE:  Life is like a hurricane, here in Duckburg!  
          FRANCO:  Race cars, lasers, aeroplanes, it's a duck blur!
          JAKE:  Might solve a mystery
          FRANCO:  Or rewrite history!
          JAKE & FRANCO:  Ducktales!  Woo-oo!  

         
         BACKSTAGE

         JAKE:  Franco, you were the AWESOMEST OF AWESOME!  
         FRANCO:  And you were AWESOMER than the AWESOMEST OF AWESOME!
         LIZ:  Go Jakey!  Go Jakey!  Go go go Jakey!
         JAKE:  Dad, wasn't Franco hilarious?   
         JASON:  That's one way of putting it, son.  
        
       
    
      HOSPITAL

      LUCAS:  I need some help here.   The opening number  took a lot outta my mom and she passed out.   
      DR. FINN:  I can check her for brain worms.   They're my specialty.   That and bearded dragons. 
      DR. OBRECHT:  Be afraid, Bobbie Spencer.  Be verrrry afraid of Doctah Finish Zem Off.  

     
      OUTSIDE BALLROOM

      PAUL:  We have a problem, young lady. 
      AVA:  Oh really?  Whatever do you mean, Mister District Attorney?
      PAUL:  I'll put his to you simply:  You're Carly's bitch, Miss Jerome.  

     
      BALLROOM

      LUCY:  Are 'yall ready for this?   It's Magic Milo time!!!  
      MAGIC MILO:  Lucas has been replaced by a priest.  This should be fun.
      GRIFFIN:  Money for AIDS research, Griffin.  Money for AIDS research.  
      CURTIS:  Nobody tells Curtis Ashford to shut up.   NO-BO-DY! 
      FELIX:  Man that new priest is lookin' hotter than Hades!  
      DILLON:  Last year I was all about a Lulu.  Now I'm into a Kiki.   How does this keep happening?  
      WOMENFOLK AND BRAD:  WOOT WOOT!   SEXY SEXY!  


     HOSPITAL

     DR. FINN:  Good news, Nurse Spencer.  You don't have brain worms.  Bad news:  Your head is spinning 'round and 'round like a record.   You remember those, right?  Records ?  Anyway, you might need an exorcist.   I'll see if I can scare one up. 
     LUCAS:  This dude's a little nuts, but he knows what he's doing, Mom.   He extracted thousands of worms from Tracy Quartermaine's brain.   Looks like I'm gonna have to put the ol' kibosh on the Nurses' Ball nuptials. 
    BOBBIE:  You will do NO SUCH THING, LUCAS JONES!   Marry Brad already,  before he finds another secret wife!

     
      BACKSTAGE

      AVA:   Gimme your phone, CAR-LY!  NOW! 
     CARLY:  You never know when you might need a sex tape to spice things up.   How do you like your little packet of sriracha now, A-VA?   By the way, I still have the flash drive. 
      AVA:  WHADDAYAWANT FROM ME?   
     CARLY:  Hello?   She's a year and a half old and calls my hubby DADDY! 
     AVA:  And she calls ME mommy!  
     CARLY:  Want the flash drive?   You're gonna have to fight me for it and with my catfighting track record...good luck with that.  
     AVA:  (grabs flash drive from Carly while she's gloating and flushes it down the toilet) Let it go!  Let it go!   Put it in and flush it down!   I don't care what you're going to say.  
    CARLY:  It is on the cloud!   Diaper changing never bothered me anyway.   

   
      OUTSIDE THE BALLROOM

     DIANE:  Sorry to have to do this to you during THE social event of the year, but you're being served.
     JASON:  Say WHAAAAAAAAAT???    Sorry to have to say this, Sam, but your cousin's a rat bastard. 

     NIKOLAS:  I said BEHAVE YOURSELF or I'll send you to time out.  What part of "Don't kibitz with the cops" do you not understand?  
     CURTIS:  Sexy Bodyguard to the rescue.   Hands off the Haychel, Princey-Prince! 

    
    BALLROOM

    LUCY:   Surprise!   Brad Cooper and Lucas Jones are getting HITCHED right here at the 2016 Nurses' Ball.   Should I start humming "Here Come The Grooms" yet?  
    BRAD:  I'm here.   That makes one of us.  

   
    HOSPITAL

    UNCONSCIOUS LUCAS:  Told you I shouldn't have seen Brad before the ceremony.   The superstition is real, people.  It's real!