...by reason of Helena Cassadine and her mind control? Good luck with that, Jake. Of course, this is Port Chuckles, where the conventional rules of logic and justice don't usually apply.
COURTHOUSE
LULU: Scott, I need your help in fixing my dad.
SCOTTY: If you mean having him neutered, google Port Chuckles Veterinary Services.
LULU: So not funny. I mean you need to give Helena Cassadine immunity so she can un-brainwash him.
SCOTTY: PFFFFFFFFFFT! Three words. Not. Gonna. Happen.
LULU: You're just being like this because you hate my dad.
SCOTTY: Your dad is the scum of the earth. Or was that Sonny? They're both a pox on society and Helena Cassadine is right there with them .
SILAS' APARTMENT
KIKI: Morgan, I don't want your dad taking Crypt Baby Avery away from me.
MORGAN: I'm sorry Kiki, but he's kinda her dad too.
KIKI: But he tried to kill my mom! He's wanted her dead since before Avery was born.
MORGAN: Ya know, your mom's no saint.
KIKI: DON'T YOU DARE SPEAK ILL OF THE PRESUMED DEAD!
MORGAN: Sorry, but my dad has a right to his kid.
KIKI: Not if I take the Crypt Baby and RUN!
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
NATHAN: Happy Valentine's Day, Maxie!
MAXIE: How sweet! Hey Nathan, can you drive me to the airport to pick up Georgie, Ellie, and Spinelli?
NATHAN: Sorry, no can do. Gotta work. But I'll do my part and put gas in your car.
MAXIE: Thanks, but no thanks. I can't find my keys.
NATHAN: You probably left them in your car. I'll be back soon.
MAXIE: Sooner than you think once you see my car's gone. Thanks a lot JOHHNY!
NATHAN: Maxie, you've been robbed! You said your cash was gone and now your car's gone too.
MAXIE: I know who robbed me. It was Johnny. But I kinda let him do it. Yes, I'm THAT stupid.
NATHAN: Dammit, Maxie!
SONNY'S HOUSE
SONNY: Hey, Carly, why are you acting all "I don't wanna spend time with Sonny?"
CARLY: Because you acted all "I don't want to see Carly" when you were in P-ville. You didn't have to cut me off, Sonny! For a while it was like I was just somebody you used to know.
SONNY: That was because I thought I was gonna spend the rest of my life in jail and I wanted you to move on.
CARLY: What if I did move on? I met this guy, Jake and I even kissed him on New Year's Eve.
SONNY: So you have a boyfriend. Where is he now?
CARLY: Jail. He was the guy who planted the bomb on the Haunted Star, but he wasn't in his right mind. I think he has, like DID or something.
SONNY: Great choice, Carly! He almost got Michael blown up and I almost died from jumping into the water with that bomb.
CARLY: But he LISTENED to me!
SONNY: As long as he LISTENED.
CARLY: I don't want to argue about Jake. I just want to be there for someone in good times, bad times, and mediocre, boring times.
SONNY: I still love you, Carly.
CARLY: I still love you too, Sonny.
WYNDEMERE
LIZ: Nikolas, I need you to help me fix Jake.
NIKOLAS: You mean your pet project who ended up being a criminal? How am I supposed to help him?
LIZ: I think your grandmother brainwashed him. Remember when she did it to Lucky?
NIKOLAS: That was all part of the Luke and Laura curse. Why would she mess with Jake's mind?
LIZ: I don't know, but you need to convince her to unprogram him.
NIKOLAS: Like she'd listen to me.
LIZ: YOU are the ONLY person she would listen to. Hello! Her capacity for love is limited to, like 3 people, only 2 of which are alive and you are one of them. The other one is 9 years old.
NIKOLAS: I'll think about it.
PCPD JAIL
RIC: Hey, Jake. Meet your attorney.
JAKE: YOU are going to represent me? You hate my guts and made me move out of Uhlizabeth's.
RIC: Is that what you think? Even if it is, Elizabeth asked me to rep you and I want you to plead guilty.
JAKE: Of course you would. You want to send me to jail so I'm out of the way.
RIC: I'm trying to protect the town of Port Chuckles from the likes of a guy who commits crimes without knowledge of having committed them. Who's to say you won't go on another crime spree when Helena Cassadine comes beckoning?
JAKE: Helena is in jail.
RIC: Yeah, like that ever stopped anyone in this town.
WYNDEMERE
LULU: Nikolas, even though I'm still SUPER PISSED at you, I need your help.
NIKOLAS: What can I do for you?
LULU: Help me un-brainwash my dad.
NIKOLAS: You think LUKE SPENCER of all people allowed himself to be controlled by my grandmother? They're mortal enemies!
LULU: Well, he's not acting like himself. My dad would NEVER try to blow me up and Tracy was on that boat too!
NIKOLAS: My grandmother has sure kept herself busy, controlling two grown men.
LULU: Two? If you're talking about Lucky, that was many years ago.
NIKOLAS: No, Liz came by and said that Helena has been brainwashing Jake too.
LULU: Well, can you help me?
NIKOLAS: I will do what I can to unscramble the brains of Luke and Jake.
COURTHOUSE
RIC: Remember, Jake, you're supposed to plead guilty.
LIZ: Hi Jake! We can get through this. Whatever you do, DON'T PLEAD GUILTY!
JUDGE: Jake Doe, how do you plead?
JAKE: Not Guilty
RIC: Say WHAAAAT?
Wednesday, February 11, 2015
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Who's The S.O.B. Now?
Sonny meets his Crypt Baby daughter while Julian defends Sonny to Michael, who is foaming at the mouth with righteous indignation over Sonny's pardon. Maxie is bitten once again by the stupidity bug when she helps Johnny escape the law. The law, of course, being her boyfriend Nathan. Franco's LSD trip has him cutting off his arm and hosting the Oscars.
SILAS' APARTMENT
CARLY: Guess what? Sonny's free! The governor pardoned him for saving the world--I mean, everyone on the Haunted Star.
SONNY: Can I hold my baby girl?
KIKI: I don't think so. You wanted to kill my mother and now she's presumed dead.
CARLY: Kiki, I get why you're upset with Sonny, but he did everything he could to try to save Ava.
KIKI: I need to hear him say it.
SONNY: I did everything I could to try and save Ava. I swear on Crypt Baby's life!
KIKI: Fine, you can hold her.
CRYPT BABY AVERY: DADDY!!!!!
CARLY: She loves you already!
SONNY: Carly, text Shawn and tell him to buy a crib and a bunch of baby stuff. I'm taking the baby home with me.
MORGAN: Dad, I'm glad you're free and all, but can Kiki have the baby for one more night? She's already lost her mom and all.
SONNY: Okay. Gotta have Duke and Shawn over to put that crib together anyway.
HOSPITAL
ALEXIS: Julian, you have yourself a lawyer! I'm going to represent you and say you confessed to Anthony's murder under duress because you thought you'd be safer in Pentonville.
JULIAN: Do you think it will work? You think you can get me out of going back to the hoosegow? What about me aiding and abetting Luke's imprisonment?
ALEXIS: You're not going to believe this but Luke was never imprisoned. Not in Miscavige, not in that basement on Elm Street. The real Luke Spencer, or so the fingerprints say, is in a holding cell at the PCPD across from my psychotic stepmother.
JULIAN: Say WHAT? Not that I really knew Luke, but from what I've heard of him, this doesn't make much sense.
ALEXIS: Tell me about it.
MICHAEL: Alexis, you have to send Sonny back to jail.
ALEXIS: I don't think so, Michael. The governor gave him a pardon and that's the governor's right.
MICHAEL: That governor abused his power and set a MURDERER free! This is wrong! I will NOT stand for this injustice!
ALEXIS: You can file a civil suit for wrongful death.
MICHAEL: Like I'm hurting for cash. I'M A QUARTERMAINE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! What I want is that SON OF A BITCH back in jail.
JULIAN: If you want to see a son of a bitch, look in the mirror, kid. I've only been besties with Sonny for, like, 5 minutes, but we both risked extending our sentences to save our sons. Sonny JUMPED IN THE WATER WITH A BOMB to save your ungrateful ass! At least my son appreciates what I did.
MICHAEL: You didn't kill Tony Jones. He died like a long time ago from the monkey virus.
JULIAN: Whatever. Grow up and lose the 'tude, kid.
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
NATHAN: We need to bring all of Luke's accomplices to justice. That includes Carlos Rivera and your friend Johnny Zacchara.
MAXIE: Maybe Carlos is guilty of accomplicing with Weird Psycho Luke but not Johnny. He's out of the mob.
NATHAN: Yeah, and I'm the king of France.
MAXIE: Well, you speak French...
NATHAN: I've got to go talk to Carlos's girlfriend Sabrina to make sure she's not hiding two fugitives. If Johnny comes a knockin', you'd better be a talkin'.
SABRINA'S APARTMENT
SABRINA: I don't feel like corrupting my moral compass again, guys. I'm only hiding you here because there's a chance Ava's alive.
CARLOS: Your help is much appreciated, querrrrrrida.
JOHNNY: Yeah, thanks for stitching me up and giving me antibiotics.
SABRINA: I did this all under protest. I don't feel good about this.
NATHAN: Open up! It's Detective Nathan West.
SABRINA: Hide, guys! Go into the bedroom.
NATHAN: Is everything okay, Miss Santiago?
SABRINA: Everything is fine. Any news on Ava Jerome?
NATHAN: They've called off the search. She's presumed dead.
SABRINA: Then everything is not fine.
HOSPITAL
OLIVIA: Ned, are you okay? You don't look so hot.
NED: Got myself the flu. I'm getting over it.
OLIVIA: Well, it's good you're seeing a doctor just in case.
NED: Not exactly. I'm spying on Alexis. Sorry. I forgot. We're not friends.
OLIVIA: Never listen to Upset Olivia. Upset Olivia says stuff she doesn't mean. Of course we're friends. We're besties. Who else will watch action movies with me?
NED: That's good to know! Alexis made me sit through The Pain and The Yearning. The meds weren't responsible for me falling asleep.
OLIVIA: You know, I think I might be getting the flu too. My stomach's all weird and I'm throwing up and stuff.
NED: That sucks. I hope I didn't give it to you. Alexis sure is taking a long time with Julian.
OLIVIA: As your friend, if you really love Alexis, you should give her the benefit of the doubt.
NED: I kinda like Not Upset Olivia. Just try not to become Sick Olivia. Take care of yourself.
SABRINA'S APARTMENT
CARLOS: Don't arrest Sabrrrrrrina! I held a gun to her and made her hide us.
NATHAN: Where's Zacchara?
CARLOS: Haven't a clue. He climbed out the window.
NATHAN: And went where?
CARLOS: Hell if I know. Just don't arrest Sabrrrrrina. She was my hostage.
SABRINA: Um, I guess.
SHADYBROOK
NINA: Can I see him?
DOCTOR: I'm afraid there's not much left of his brains, ma'am. The LSD done fried him good.
NINA: I still want to see him. He's my friend and he helped me see reality. Maybe I can help him.
DOCTOR: Go ahead, but prepare for disappointment.
NINA: Franco? Franco, it's me, Nina. Do you remember me?
FRANCO: Of course I remember you. I was climbing this mountain and my arm was caught in a boulder for like, one hundred and twenty seven hours! I had a little knife with me and the only thing I could do to save my life was to CUT MY ARM OFF! MY ARM IS GONE!
NINA: Your arm is still here, Franco. I'm holding both hands and in order for your hand to be here, it has to be connected to your arm.
FRANCO: I'm whole again! IT'S A MIRACLE! Remember when we hosted the Oscars, Anne? You and me on that big stage! All those little golden statues. You were so pretty and everyone was just jealous of you.
NINA: It sure looks like your LSD has taken you on a magical mystery tour. Thanks for the postcard, Franco. Remember that I love you and I'll be there for you, cause you were there for me too.
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
MAXIE: Johnny, what are you doing here? The cops are looking for you and by the cops, I mean my BOYFRIEND!
JOHNNY: You've gotta help me, Maxie. I don't wanna go back to Pentonville.
MAXIE: I can't help you, Johnny. That would be helping a criminal and Nathan would be SUPER PISSED at me if I did that.
JOHNNY: You don't have to hide me. Just help me skip town. You got cash?
MAXIE: Not a lot. Unemployed, remember?
JOHNNY: How about your car keys?
MAXIE: You're so not taking my car. Mac gave it to me for my sweet sixteen.
JOHNNY: Please, Maxie! Pretty please with a cherry on top?
MAXIE: Here. dumps her purse out onto a chair. I'm going to take a shower and make it look like I was looking for something in my purse and you just stole my keys and my cash. It's not like I haven't done anything that stupid before. Now disappear before Nathan sees you.
SILAS' APARTMENT
CARLY: Guess what? Sonny's free! The governor pardoned him for saving the world--I mean, everyone on the Haunted Star.
SONNY: Can I hold my baby girl?
KIKI: I don't think so. You wanted to kill my mother and now she's presumed dead.
CARLY: Kiki, I get why you're upset with Sonny, but he did everything he could to try to save Ava.
KIKI: I need to hear him say it.
SONNY: I did everything I could to try and save Ava. I swear on Crypt Baby's life!
KIKI: Fine, you can hold her.
CRYPT BABY AVERY: DADDY!!!!!
CARLY: She loves you already!
SONNY: Carly, text Shawn and tell him to buy a crib and a bunch of baby stuff. I'm taking the baby home with me.
MORGAN: Dad, I'm glad you're free and all, but can Kiki have the baby for one more night? She's already lost her mom and all.
SONNY: Okay. Gotta have Duke and Shawn over to put that crib together anyway.
HOSPITAL
ALEXIS: Julian, you have yourself a lawyer! I'm going to represent you and say you confessed to Anthony's murder under duress because you thought you'd be safer in Pentonville.
JULIAN: Do you think it will work? You think you can get me out of going back to the hoosegow? What about me aiding and abetting Luke's imprisonment?
ALEXIS: You're not going to believe this but Luke was never imprisoned. Not in Miscavige, not in that basement on Elm Street. The real Luke Spencer, or so the fingerprints say, is in a holding cell at the PCPD across from my psychotic stepmother.
JULIAN: Say WHAT? Not that I really knew Luke, but from what I've heard of him, this doesn't make much sense.
ALEXIS: Tell me about it.
MICHAEL: Alexis, you have to send Sonny back to jail.
ALEXIS: I don't think so, Michael. The governor gave him a pardon and that's the governor's right.
MICHAEL: That governor abused his power and set a MURDERER free! This is wrong! I will NOT stand for this injustice!
ALEXIS: You can file a civil suit for wrongful death.
MICHAEL: Like I'm hurting for cash. I'M A QUARTERMAINE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! What I want is that SON OF A BITCH back in jail.
JULIAN: If you want to see a son of a bitch, look in the mirror, kid. I've only been besties with Sonny for, like, 5 minutes, but we both risked extending our sentences to save our sons. Sonny JUMPED IN THE WATER WITH A BOMB to save your ungrateful ass! At least my son appreciates what I did.
MICHAEL: You didn't kill Tony Jones. He died like a long time ago from the monkey virus.
JULIAN: Whatever. Grow up and lose the 'tude, kid.
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
NATHAN: We need to bring all of Luke's accomplices to justice. That includes Carlos Rivera and your friend Johnny Zacchara.
MAXIE: Maybe Carlos is guilty of accomplicing with Weird Psycho Luke but not Johnny. He's out of the mob.
NATHAN: Yeah, and I'm the king of France.
MAXIE: Well, you speak French...
NATHAN: I've got to go talk to Carlos's girlfriend Sabrina to make sure she's not hiding two fugitives. If Johnny comes a knockin', you'd better be a talkin'.
SABRINA'S APARTMENT
SABRINA: I don't feel like corrupting my moral compass again, guys. I'm only hiding you here because there's a chance Ava's alive.
CARLOS: Your help is much appreciated, querrrrrrida.
JOHNNY: Yeah, thanks for stitching me up and giving me antibiotics.
SABRINA: I did this all under protest. I don't feel good about this.
NATHAN: Open up! It's Detective Nathan West.
SABRINA: Hide, guys! Go into the bedroom.
NATHAN: Is everything okay, Miss Santiago?
SABRINA: Everything is fine. Any news on Ava Jerome?
NATHAN: They've called off the search. She's presumed dead.
SABRINA: Then everything is not fine.
HOSPITAL
OLIVIA: Ned, are you okay? You don't look so hot.
NED: Got myself the flu. I'm getting over it.
OLIVIA: Well, it's good you're seeing a doctor just in case.
NED: Not exactly. I'm spying on Alexis. Sorry. I forgot. We're not friends.
OLIVIA: Never listen to Upset Olivia. Upset Olivia says stuff she doesn't mean. Of course we're friends. We're besties. Who else will watch action movies with me?
NED: That's good to know! Alexis made me sit through The Pain and The Yearning. The meds weren't responsible for me falling asleep.
OLIVIA: You know, I think I might be getting the flu too. My stomach's all weird and I'm throwing up and stuff.
NED: That sucks. I hope I didn't give it to you. Alexis sure is taking a long time with Julian.
OLIVIA: As your friend, if you really love Alexis, you should give her the benefit of the doubt.
NED: I kinda like Not Upset Olivia. Just try not to become Sick Olivia. Take care of yourself.
SABRINA'S APARTMENT
CARLOS: Don't arrest Sabrrrrrrina! I held a gun to her and made her hide us.
NATHAN: Where's Zacchara?
CARLOS: Haven't a clue. He climbed out the window.
NATHAN: And went where?
CARLOS: Hell if I know. Just don't arrest Sabrrrrrina. She was my hostage.
SABRINA: Um, I guess.
SHADYBROOK
NINA: Can I see him?
DOCTOR: I'm afraid there's not much left of his brains, ma'am. The LSD done fried him good.
NINA: I still want to see him. He's my friend and he helped me see reality. Maybe I can help him.
DOCTOR: Go ahead, but prepare for disappointment.
NINA: Franco? Franco, it's me, Nina. Do you remember me?
FRANCO: Of course I remember you. I was climbing this mountain and my arm was caught in a boulder for like, one hundred and twenty seven hours! I had a little knife with me and the only thing I could do to save my life was to CUT MY ARM OFF! MY ARM IS GONE!
NINA: Your arm is still here, Franco. I'm holding both hands and in order for your hand to be here, it has to be connected to your arm.
FRANCO: I'm whole again! IT'S A MIRACLE! Remember when we hosted the Oscars, Anne? You and me on that big stage! All those little golden statues. You were so pretty and everyone was just jealous of you.
NINA: It sure looks like your LSD has taken you on a magical mystery tour. Thanks for the postcard, Franco. Remember that I love you and I'll be there for you, cause you were there for me too.
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
MAXIE: Johnny, what are you doing here? The cops are looking for you and by the cops, I mean my BOYFRIEND!
JOHNNY: You've gotta help me, Maxie. I don't wanna go back to Pentonville.
MAXIE: I can't help you, Johnny. That would be helping a criminal and Nathan would be SUPER PISSED at me if I did that.
JOHNNY: You don't have to hide me. Just help me skip town. You got cash?
MAXIE: Not a lot. Unemployed, remember?
JOHNNY: How about your car keys?
MAXIE: You're so not taking my car. Mac gave it to me for my sweet sixteen.
JOHNNY: Please, Maxie! Pretty please with a cherry on top?
MAXIE: Here. dumps her purse out onto a chair. I'm going to take a shower and make it look like I was looking for something in my purse and you just stole my keys and my cash. It's not like I haven't done anything that stupid before. Now disappear before Nathan sees you.
Monday, February 9, 2015
Um...Still Confused
I'm not buying that Luke and Fluke are one and the same and that Helena's been mind-controlling Luke for years. Luke SHOT Helena almost two years ago and she had to be brought back from the dead via the Popsicle Method. The identity of Luke/Fluke seems to be changing hourly and nothing makes sense, but seeing (F)Luke, Tracy, & Helena in scenes together is always a pleasure.
MORGUE
NATHAN: All I can tell you is that the guy I have in custody has the same fingerprints as Luke Spencer. I just came to town last year so I don't have the foggiest idea what Luke Spencer is really like, but, if the prints match...
TRACY: That can't be! My HUSBAND wouldn't canoodle with HELENA CASSADINE if she were the last woman on earth!
LULU: And MY DAD wouldn't try to blow up MY HUSBAND and ME TOO!
TRACY: Unless, Helena rearranged his brains like he did to your brother's.
LULU: That's right. She did brainwash Lucky back before I was SORASed.
TRACY: I'm going town to that jail cell and I'm going to confront those two myself!
LULU: I'm coming with.
NATHAN: Not so fast, Lulu. Dante wouldn't approve.
LULU: EXCUSE ME?
NATHAN: What I mean is that you should talk it over with Dante first. He's my partner and my bestie and all so I think he has a right to be in the loop. That's all.
LULU: Fine, I'll call him.
PCPD JAIL
(F)LUKE: How cute. Everyone still thinks I'm my poor long-dead cousin Bill Eckert.
HELENA: Well, you did exhume his grave and stash his corpse in that dreadful basement.
(F)LUKE: Would you imagine that? Luke and FLUKE are one and the same. How badass am I!
HELENA: Are you finished with your vulgar display of navel-gazing narcissism?
(F)LUKE: YOU are accusing ME of being a narcissist? Look in the mirror! Ha ha ha, good one, Spencer! Telling a narcissist to look in the mirror.
HELENA: That will be enough of that. Do you have any brilliant suggestions as to how to escape our current quagmire?
(F)LUKE: Since when is it up to me? Oh, I know! Because your buddy the greasy new police commissioner has his hands tied. And Soldier Boy is in the next cellblock over.
HELENA: That is most unfortunate. It appears I underestimated Jake.
(F)LUKE: That's one way of putting it. By the way, where is your glorious Cassadine family right now?
HELENA: Leave my family out of this. It's not like yours are coming around either.
TRACY: Spoke too soon, Helena.
LUKE: Hi Spanky! Coming to visit me?
TRACY: Depends. Am I here to see you or Helena's FLUKEBOT?
LUKE: Like that woman could control MY MIND!
TRACY: What did you do to him? UNDO IT! NOW!
HELENA: What makes you think I control your husband's mind?
TRACY: FIX HIM!
HELENA: For a price.
TRACY: Name it.
HELENA: Full immunity.
HOSPITAL
MICHAEL: Hello? Sonny killed my father! He should be going back to Pentonville, not getting some bogus pardon!
GOVERNOR: I'm sorry for your loss, kid, but Mr. Corinthos saved my daughter and all those other people on that boat. Hey, weren't YOU on that boat?
MICHAEL: That's beside the point! He still cut AJ's life tragically short. Is my father's life less important than everybody else's, including my own?
SONNY: Michael's right, Governor. I deserve to go back to jail. Because winning my favorite golden son's approval is more important than my freedom.
GOVERNOR: You will do no such thing. The pardon stands. You're a free man.
MICHAEL: And I'm still pissed at you, Sonny. I may have forgotten my anger for five seconds when you jumped into the water with that bomb, but I woke up and remembered you still killed my bio dad. How do I know you didn't set up this pardon all along?
SONNY: Would I set up the pardon and then tell the governor to send me back to jail?
MICHAEL: That was all for show.
CARLY: Come on Michael! Put aside your righteous indignation and see Sonny for the hero he is.
MICHAEL: Fat chance. I'm outta here.
IVY: Mr. Corinthos, you are SO my hero! Here's my number. So call me, maybe?
SILAS' APARTMENT
MORGAN: So, Dad's heading back to the pokey.
KIKI: At least he's alive. The commissioner came by and told me my mom is presumed dead.
MORGAN: So sorry I wasn't around when you got the news
KIKI: My dad was here. Silas is such a good daddy.
MORGAN: Glad to know you weren't alone.
CRYPT BABY AVERY: Ga ga goo goo What am I, chopped liver? Ga ga goo goo
KIKI: Poor Crypt Baby Avery! She will never see her mother again.
WYNDEMERE
SPENCER: Dad, Chandler said you needed to talk to me. Did Alfred tell on me again?
NIKOLAS: No, Spencer, this is not about your secret stash of candy in your toybox. This is about your great-grandmother. She's in jail.
SPENCER: Why? I mean, I know she's scary and she has snakes in her hair, but sometimes I kinda like her. Does that make me a bad person if I sometimes like someone who does bad things?
NIKOLAS: No, son. Truth be told--and this is just between the two of us--sometimes I kinda like her too. She loves us as much as she can love someone, but the problem is, we're the only people she loves. She hates everyone else and tries to kill people. Sometimes, she succeeds. But don't worry about her. She's paying for her crimes.
MORGUE
NATHAN: All I can tell you is that the guy I have in custody has the same fingerprints as Luke Spencer. I just came to town last year so I don't have the foggiest idea what Luke Spencer is really like, but, if the prints match...
TRACY: That can't be! My HUSBAND wouldn't canoodle with HELENA CASSADINE if she were the last woman on earth!
LULU: And MY DAD wouldn't try to blow up MY HUSBAND and ME TOO!
TRACY: Unless, Helena rearranged his brains like he did to your brother's.
LULU: That's right. She did brainwash Lucky back before I was SORASed.
TRACY: I'm going town to that jail cell and I'm going to confront those two myself!
LULU: I'm coming with.
NATHAN: Not so fast, Lulu. Dante wouldn't approve.
LULU: EXCUSE ME?
NATHAN: What I mean is that you should talk it over with Dante first. He's my partner and my bestie and all so I think he has a right to be in the loop. That's all.
LULU: Fine, I'll call him.
PCPD JAIL
(F)LUKE: How cute. Everyone still thinks I'm my poor long-dead cousin Bill Eckert.
HELENA: Well, you did exhume his grave and stash his corpse in that dreadful basement.
(F)LUKE: Would you imagine that? Luke and FLUKE are one and the same. How badass am I!
HELENA: Are you finished with your vulgar display of navel-gazing narcissism?
(F)LUKE: YOU are accusing ME of being a narcissist? Look in the mirror! Ha ha ha, good one, Spencer! Telling a narcissist to look in the mirror.
HELENA: That will be enough of that. Do you have any brilliant suggestions as to how to escape our current quagmire?
(F)LUKE: Since when is it up to me? Oh, I know! Because your buddy the greasy new police commissioner has his hands tied. And Soldier Boy is in the next cellblock over.
HELENA: That is most unfortunate. It appears I underestimated Jake.
(F)LUKE: That's one way of putting it. By the way, where is your glorious Cassadine family right now?
HELENA: Leave my family out of this. It's not like yours are coming around either.
TRACY: Spoke too soon, Helena.
LUKE: Hi Spanky! Coming to visit me?
TRACY: Depends. Am I here to see you or Helena's FLUKEBOT?
LUKE: Like that woman could control MY MIND!
TRACY: What did you do to him? UNDO IT! NOW!
HELENA: What makes you think I control your husband's mind?
TRACY: FIX HIM!
HELENA: For a price.
TRACY: Name it.
HELENA: Full immunity.
HOSPITAL
MICHAEL: Hello? Sonny killed my father! He should be going back to Pentonville, not getting some bogus pardon!
GOVERNOR: I'm sorry for your loss, kid, but Mr. Corinthos saved my daughter and all those other people on that boat. Hey, weren't YOU on that boat?
MICHAEL: That's beside the point! He still cut AJ's life tragically short. Is my father's life less important than everybody else's, including my own?
SONNY: Michael's right, Governor. I deserve to go back to jail. Because winning my favorite golden son's approval is more important than my freedom.
GOVERNOR: You will do no such thing. The pardon stands. You're a free man.
MICHAEL: And I'm still pissed at you, Sonny. I may have forgotten my anger for five seconds when you jumped into the water with that bomb, but I woke up and remembered you still killed my bio dad. How do I know you didn't set up this pardon all along?
SONNY: Would I set up the pardon and then tell the governor to send me back to jail?
MICHAEL: That was all for show.
CARLY: Come on Michael! Put aside your righteous indignation and see Sonny for the hero he is.
MICHAEL: Fat chance. I'm outta here.
IVY: Mr. Corinthos, you are SO my hero! Here's my number. So call me, maybe?
SILAS' APARTMENT
MORGAN: So, Dad's heading back to the pokey.
KIKI: At least he's alive. The commissioner came by and told me my mom is presumed dead.
MORGAN: So sorry I wasn't around when you got the news
KIKI: My dad was here. Silas is such a good daddy.
MORGAN: Glad to know you weren't alone.
CRYPT BABY AVERY: Ga ga goo goo What am I, chopped liver? Ga ga goo goo
KIKI: Poor Crypt Baby Avery! She will never see her mother again.
WYNDEMERE
SPENCER: Dad, Chandler said you needed to talk to me. Did Alfred tell on me again?
NIKOLAS: No, Spencer, this is not about your secret stash of candy in your toybox. This is about your great-grandmother. She's in jail.
SPENCER: Why? I mean, I know she's scary and she has snakes in her hair, but sometimes I kinda like her. Does that make me a bad person if I sometimes like someone who does bad things?
NIKOLAS: No, son. Truth be told--and this is just between the two of us--sometimes I kinda like her too. She loves us as much as she can love someone, but the problem is, we're the only people she loves. She hates everyone else and tries to kill people. Sometimes, she succeeds. But don't worry about her. She's paying for her crimes.
Saturday, February 7, 2015
Friday, February 6, 2015
Bones
Dr. O's back! Helena and Fluke are the latest occupants of the Port Chuckles holding cells. Lulu is SUPER PISSED at Big Brother Nik and Sonny may not need that orange jumpsuit after all...
GH MORGUE
LIESL: Nassan, here are ze remains of ze body zat was found in ze basement of ze house zat went clink-BOOM.
NATHAN: Who does this random collection of bones belong to?
LIESL: Who knows? Zat police commissioner Sloane vill not let me run tests. At least Anna Devane vould have let me do zat.
NATHAN: Have I just been injected with LSD or did you just say something sort of non-insulting about my former boss?
LIESL: All I can tell you is zat zey look like very old bones.
SILAS' APARTMENT
KIKI: OMG, Dad, did you hear about Mom?
SILAS: Yes, I did. But this is Ava Jerome we're talking about. She wouldn't let a silly tumble over the bridge get the better of her.
KIKI: I hope you're right, Dad. At least when she was in Pentonville there was a chance she would see Avery again.
SLOANE: Sorry, Ms. Jerome. We've called off the search and Ava Jerome is presumed dead!
KIKI: OMG! My mommy!
HOSPITAL
SONNY: What happened to my son?
CARLY: Which one?
SONNY: Dante. Luke, I mean Eckert, said he died in the explosion in that old house on Elm Street.
CARLY: Dante's alive, Sonny. He was in your room, but you were off in dreamland and I didn't want to wake you up.
SONNY: That's a relief. And what about Michael?
CARLY: He helped me give you CPR.
MORGAN: How is he, Mom?
CARLY: He's alive, Morgan. All because of me and The Golden Child.
MORGAN: So why isn't The Golden Child here by his bedside like me?
SONNY: Morgan, don't take this out on your brother. He took the bomb off the boat and saved everyone's life.
MORGAN: But you, Dad, jumped in the water with the bomb. YOU are the real hero and Michael refuses to accept it. He's too busy nursing his grudge about you killing AJ.
CARLY: Like, totally, shut the eff up, Morgan! Michael is the Golden Child and he is a hero, just like Sonny!
PCPD JAIL
FLUKE: Damned bars! How am I supposed to destroy Port Chuckles behind these bars!
HELENA: Fear not! For I have the police commissioner wrapped around my little finger.
FLUKE: We'll see about that.
SLOANE: Sorry, Mrs. Cassadine. I can't let you and your accomplice out of the clink just yet or I will be exposed as being in your pocket.
HELENA: Have you forgotten than my grandson ensured your appointment as police commissioner?
SLOANE: I realize that, Mrs. Cassadine, but we need to play this very carefully. I'm doing everything I can to impede the investigation.
FLUKE: Ya know what, Commish? Let 'em run my prints. What do I care?
HELENA: Don't listen to him. Someone must have gotten into his brain and rearranged it.
FLUKE: The truth is gonna come out eventually.
WYNDEMERE:
IVY: Thanks a lot, PRINCE! You left me on that boat to DIE while you kibitzed with your dememted granny. Don't call me ever again.
LULU: Welcome to the club, whoever you are. Nikolas, I am SUPER EXTREMELY PISSED AT YOU! You were in on this the whole time with that psychotic grandmother of yours. Where is that big brother I looked up to?
NIKOLAS: I'm still the same man, Lulu. I didn't know Helena wanted to blow up the damned boat until she tried to keep me from going to the party.
LULU: Really? When did you know that the man impersonating MY FATHER was an impostor?
NIKOLAS: I thought he was really Luke.
LULU: When would MY DADDY ever conspire with your HOMICIDAL LUNATIC of a grandmother?
NIKOLAS: How was I to know your dad was rotting away in and old basement.
LULU: SCREW YOU, NIKOLAS! YOU ARE SO NOT MY BIG BROTHER ANY MORE!
Q MANSION:
TRACY: Michael, I know what it's like to be completely wrong about someone you love, but Sonny was not an impostor like the man pretending to be my husband.
MICHAEL: But he still killed AJ and I would be disloyal if I forgave him.
DANTE: Hey, Michael. Can I have a word with you?
TRACY: Don't mind me. I've got to get answers about Luke.
DANTE: Michael, you need to go see Sonny. I know you're still pissed at him about AJ, but he did kinda save your life.
MICHAEL: But I would be disloyal to AJ's memory.
DANTE: If you don't thank him, you'll regret it for the rest of your life.
MICHAEL: I'll take the chance
DANTE: Ok, whatever.
GH MORGUE
TRACY: What's going on here? I want answers about Luke!
LIESL: No civilians are allowed in here! Zis is a morgue.
TRACY: I don't care what this is. My family OWNS this hospital.
NATHAN: We don't know yet whose remains these are.
TRACY: OMG, a bunch of bones that could be my husbands! My eyes! My eyes!
LIESL: Ve need clearance from ze police commissioner before we can run tests on zese remains.
NATHAN: Hey, Sloane? We can run the test? I'll let Dr. Obrecht know. Mom, Sloane gave permission to run the tests.
LIESL: Alright zen. I have work to do.
PCPD JAIL
HELENA: You just made a collosal mistake allowing Sloane to test those remains.
FLUKE: Pffft! I so don't even care anymore. Get ready for the next phase of this bumpy ride.
HELENA: Awfully cavalier of you, letting the police know your true identity.
FLUKE: They don't know the half of it.
HOSPITAL:
DANTE: I'm back, Sonny.
SONNY: Glad you're alive, son. Where's Michael?
DANTE: I tried to get him to come visit you, but you know, he's still hung up on the AJ thing.
POLICE: Time to go back to Pentonville, Corinthos!
CARLY: So soon? He's still recovering from jumping into the harbor with a BOMB!
POLICE: He can recover in lockup. Suit up, Mr. C.
MICHAEL: Hello, Sonny.
SONNY: Michael. Your mother says you helped save my life.
MICHAEL: She did most of the work.
IVY: Sonny Corinthos! You saved my life. Meet my dad, Governor of New York.
GOVERNOR: Thank you for your heroism. We can't send this guy back to jail. He jumped into a body of water with a bomb, people!
CARLY: YIPPEEEE!
MICHAEL: This is an interesting turn of events.
IVY: Sonny, I want to have your baby.
GH MORGUE
OBRECHT: Ze tests show zat zese remains are at least 20 years old.
LULU: So they can't be my dad. He's only been gone a year.
NATHAN: We ran the prints. The guy in custody is a match for Luke Spencer.
GH MORGUE
LIESL: Nassan, here are ze remains of ze body zat was found in ze basement of ze house zat went clink-BOOM.
NATHAN: Who does this random collection of bones belong to?
LIESL: Who knows? Zat police commissioner Sloane vill not let me run tests. At least Anna Devane vould have let me do zat.
NATHAN: Have I just been injected with LSD or did you just say something sort of non-insulting about my former boss?
LIESL: All I can tell you is zat zey look like very old bones.
SILAS' APARTMENT
KIKI: OMG, Dad, did you hear about Mom?
SILAS: Yes, I did. But this is Ava Jerome we're talking about. She wouldn't let a silly tumble over the bridge get the better of her.
KIKI: I hope you're right, Dad. At least when she was in Pentonville there was a chance she would see Avery again.
SLOANE: Sorry, Ms. Jerome. We've called off the search and Ava Jerome is presumed dead!
KIKI: OMG! My mommy!
HOSPITAL
SONNY: What happened to my son?
CARLY: Which one?
SONNY: Dante. Luke, I mean Eckert, said he died in the explosion in that old house on Elm Street.
CARLY: Dante's alive, Sonny. He was in your room, but you were off in dreamland and I didn't want to wake you up.
SONNY: That's a relief. And what about Michael?
CARLY: He helped me give you CPR.
MORGAN: How is he, Mom?
CARLY: He's alive, Morgan. All because of me and The Golden Child.
MORGAN: So why isn't The Golden Child here by his bedside like me?
SONNY: Morgan, don't take this out on your brother. He took the bomb off the boat and saved everyone's life.
MORGAN: But you, Dad, jumped in the water with the bomb. YOU are the real hero and Michael refuses to accept it. He's too busy nursing his grudge about you killing AJ.
CARLY: Like, totally, shut the eff up, Morgan! Michael is the Golden Child and he is a hero, just like Sonny!
PCPD JAIL
FLUKE: Damned bars! How am I supposed to destroy Port Chuckles behind these bars!
HELENA: Fear not! For I have the police commissioner wrapped around my little finger.
FLUKE: We'll see about that.
SLOANE: Sorry, Mrs. Cassadine. I can't let you and your accomplice out of the clink just yet or I will be exposed as being in your pocket.
HELENA: Have you forgotten than my grandson ensured your appointment as police commissioner?
SLOANE: I realize that, Mrs. Cassadine, but we need to play this very carefully. I'm doing everything I can to impede the investigation.
FLUKE: Ya know what, Commish? Let 'em run my prints. What do I care?
HELENA: Don't listen to him. Someone must have gotten into his brain and rearranged it.
FLUKE: The truth is gonna come out eventually.
WYNDEMERE:
IVY: Thanks a lot, PRINCE! You left me on that boat to DIE while you kibitzed with your dememted granny. Don't call me ever again.
LULU: Welcome to the club, whoever you are. Nikolas, I am SUPER EXTREMELY PISSED AT YOU! You were in on this the whole time with that psychotic grandmother of yours. Where is that big brother I looked up to?
NIKOLAS: I'm still the same man, Lulu. I didn't know Helena wanted to blow up the damned boat until she tried to keep me from going to the party.
LULU: Really? When did you know that the man impersonating MY FATHER was an impostor?
NIKOLAS: I thought he was really Luke.
LULU: When would MY DADDY ever conspire with your HOMICIDAL LUNATIC of a grandmother?
NIKOLAS: How was I to know your dad was rotting away in and old basement.
LULU: SCREW YOU, NIKOLAS! YOU ARE SO NOT MY BIG BROTHER ANY MORE!
Q MANSION:
TRACY: Michael, I know what it's like to be completely wrong about someone you love, but Sonny was not an impostor like the man pretending to be my husband.
MICHAEL: But he still killed AJ and I would be disloyal if I forgave him.
DANTE: Hey, Michael. Can I have a word with you?
TRACY: Don't mind me. I've got to get answers about Luke.
DANTE: Michael, you need to go see Sonny. I know you're still pissed at him about AJ, but he did kinda save your life.
MICHAEL: But I would be disloyal to AJ's memory.
DANTE: If you don't thank him, you'll regret it for the rest of your life.
MICHAEL: I'll take the chance
DANTE: Ok, whatever.
GH MORGUE
TRACY: What's going on here? I want answers about Luke!
LIESL: No civilians are allowed in here! Zis is a morgue.
TRACY: I don't care what this is. My family OWNS this hospital.
NATHAN: We don't know yet whose remains these are.
TRACY: OMG, a bunch of bones that could be my husbands! My eyes! My eyes!
LIESL: Ve need clearance from ze police commissioner before we can run tests on zese remains.
NATHAN: Hey, Sloane? We can run the test? I'll let Dr. Obrecht know. Mom, Sloane gave permission to run the tests.
LIESL: Alright zen. I have work to do.
PCPD JAIL
HELENA: You just made a collosal mistake allowing Sloane to test those remains.
FLUKE: Pffft! I so don't even care anymore. Get ready for the next phase of this bumpy ride.
HELENA: Awfully cavalier of you, letting the police know your true identity.
FLUKE: They don't know the half of it.
HOSPITAL:
DANTE: I'm back, Sonny.
SONNY: Glad you're alive, son. Where's Michael?
DANTE: I tried to get him to come visit you, but you know, he's still hung up on the AJ thing.
POLICE: Time to go back to Pentonville, Corinthos!
CARLY: So soon? He's still recovering from jumping into the harbor with a BOMB!
POLICE: He can recover in lockup. Suit up, Mr. C.
MICHAEL: Hello, Sonny.
SONNY: Michael. Your mother says you helped save my life.
MICHAEL: She did most of the work.
IVY: Sonny Corinthos! You saved my life. Meet my dad, Governor of New York.
GOVERNOR: Thank you for your heroism. We can't send this guy back to jail. He jumped into a body of water with a bomb, people!
CARLY: YIPPEEEE!
MICHAEL: This is an interesting turn of events.
IVY: Sonny, I want to have your baby.
GH MORGUE
OBRECHT: Ze tests show zat zese remains are at least 20 years old.
LULU: So they can't be my dad. He's only been gone a year.
NATHAN: We ran the prints. The guy in custody is a match for Luke Spencer.
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