...by reason of Helena Cassadine and her mind control? Good luck with that, Jake. Of course, this is Port Chuckles, where the conventional rules of logic and justice don't usually apply.
COURTHOUSE
LULU: Scott, I need your help in fixing my dad.
SCOTTY: If you mean having him neutered, google Port Chuckles Veterinary Services.
LULU: So not funny. I mean you need to give Helena Cassadine immunity so she can un-brainwash him.
SCOTTY: PFFFFFFFFFFT! Three words. Not. Gonna. Happen.
LULU: You're just being like this because you hate my dad.
SCOTTY: Your dad is the scum of the earth. Or was that Sonny? They're both a pox on society and Helena Cassadine is right there with them .
SILAS' APARTMENT
KIKI: Morgan, I don't want your dad taking Crypt Baby Avery away from me.
MORGAN: I'm sorry Kiki, but he's kinda her dad too.
KIKI: But he tried to kill my mom! He's wanted her dead since before Avery was born.
MORGAN: Ya know, your mom's no saint.
KIKI: DON'T YOU DARE SPEAK ILL OF THE PRESUMED DEAD!
MORGAN: Sorry, but my dad has a right to his kid.
KIKI: Not if I take the Crypt Baby and RUN!
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
NATHAN: Happy Valentine's Day, Maxie!
MAXIE: How sweet! Hey Nathan, can you drive me to the airport to pick up Georgie, Ellie, and Spinelli?
NATHAN: Sorry, no can do. Gotta work. But I'll do my part and put gas in your car.
MAXIE: Thanks, but no thanks. I can't find my keys.
NATHAN: You probably left them in your car. I'll be back soon.
MAXIE: Sooner than you think once you see my car's gone. Thanks a lot JOHHNY!
NATHAN: Maxie, you've been robbed! You said your cash was gone and now your car's gone too.
MAXIE: I know who robbed me. It was Johnny. But I kinda let him do it. Yes, I'm THAT stupid.
NATHAN: Dammit, Maxie!
SONNY'S HOUSE
SONNY: Hey, Carly, why are you acting all "I don't wanna spend time with Sonny?"
CARLY: Because you acted all "I don't want to see Carly" when you were in P-ville. You didn't have to cut me off, Sonny! For a while it was like I was just somebody you used to know.
SONNY: That was because I thought I was gonna spend the rest of my life in jail and I wanted you to move on.
CARLY: What if I did move on? I met this guy, Jake and I even kissed him on New Year's Eve.
SONNY: So you have a boyfriend. Where is he now?
CARLY: Jail. He was the guy who planted the bomb on the Haunted Star, but he wasn't in his right mind. I think he has, like DID or something.
SONNY: Great choice, Carly! He almost got Michael blown up and I almost died from jumping into the water with that bomb.
CARLY: But he LISTENED to me!
SONNY: As long as he LISTENED.
CARLY: I don't want to argue about Jake. I just want to be there for someone in good times, bad times, and mediocre, boring times.
SONNY: I still love you, Carly.
CARLY: I still love you too, Sonny.
WYNDEMERE
LIZ: Nikolas, I need you to help me fix Jake.
NIKOLAS: You mean your pet project who ended up being a criminal? How am I supposed to help him?
LIZ: I think your grandmother brainwashed him. Remember when she did it to Lucky?
NIKOLAS: That was all part of the Luke and Laura curse. Why would she mess with Jake's mind?
LIZ: I don't know, but you need to convince her to unprogram him.
NIKOLAS: Like she'd listen to me.
LIZ: YOU are the ONLY person she would listen to. Hello! Her capacity for love is limited to, like 3 people, only 2 of which are alive and you are one of them. The other one is 9 years old.
NIKOLAS: I'll think about it.
PCPD JAIL
RIC: Hey, Jake. Meet your attorney.
JAKE: YOU are going to represent me? You hate my guts and made me move out of Uhlizabeth's.
RIC: Is that what you think? Even if it is, Elizabeth asked me to rep you and I want you to plead guilty.
JAKE: Of course you would. You want to send me to jail so I'm out of the way.
RIC: I'm trying to protect the town of Port Chuckles from the likes of a guy who commits crimes without knowledge of having committed them. Who's to say you won't go on another crime spree when Helena Cassadine comes beckoning?
JAKE: Helena is in jail.
RIC: Yeah, like that ever stopped anyone in this town.
WYNDEMERE
LULU: Nikolas, even though I'm still SUPER PISSED at you, I need your help.
NIKOLAS: What can I do for you?
LULU: Help me un-brainwash my dad.
NIKOLAS: You think LUKE SPENCER of all people allowed himself to be controlled by my grandmother? They're mortal enemies!
LULU: Well, he's not acting like himself. My dad would NEVER try to blow me up and Tracy was on that boat too!
NIKOLAS: My grandmother has sure kept herself busy, controlling two grown men.
LULU: Two? If you're talking about Lucky, that was many years ago.
NIKOLAS: No, Liz came by and said that Helena has been brainwashing Jake too.
LULU: Well, can you help me?
NIKOLAS: I will do what I can to unscramble the brains of Luke and Jake.
COURTHOUSE
RIC: Remember, Jake, you're supposed to plead guilty.
LIZ: Hi Jake! We can get through this. Whatever you do, DON'T PLEAD GUILTY!
JUDGE: Jake Doe, how do you plead?
JAKE: Not Guilty
RIC: Say WHAAAAT?
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