Who's The S.O.B. Now?

   Sonny meets his Crypt Baby daughter while Julian defends Sonny to Michael, who is foaming at the mouth with righteous indignation over Sonny's pardon.   Maxie is bitten once again by the stupidity bug when she helps Johnny escape the law.  The law, of course, being her boyfriend Nathan. Franco's LSD trip has him cutting off his arm and hosting the Oscars.  

   SILAS' APARTMENT

 CARLY:  Guess what?  Sonny's free!   The governor pardoned him for saving the world--I mean, everyone on the Haunted Star. 
 SONNY:  Can I hold my baby girl? 
 KIKI:  I don't think so.  You wanted to kill my mother and now she's presumed dead.
 CARLY:  Kiki, I get why you're upset with Sonny, but he did everything he could to try to save Ava.
  KIKI:  I need to hear him say it.
  SONNY:  I did everything I could to try and save Ava.   I swear on Crypt Baby's life!
  KIKI:  Fine, you can hold her.
  CRYPT BABY AVERY:  DADDY!!!!! 
  CARLY:  She loves you already!
  SONNY:  Carly, text Shawn and tell him to buy a crib and a bunch of baby stuff.  I'm taking the baby home with me.
  MORGAN:  Dad, I'm glad you're free and all, but can Kiki have the baby for one more night?  She's already lost her mom and all.
  SONNY:  Okay.  Gotta have Duke and Shawn over to put that crib together anyway. 

  HOSPITAL

 ALEXIS:  Julian, you have yourself a lawyer!  I'm going to represent you and say you confessed to Anthony's murder under duress because you thought you'd be safer in Pentonville. 
 JULIAN:  Do you think it will work?   You think you can get me out of going back to the hoosegow?   What about me aiding and abetting Luke's imprisonment?
 ALEXIS:  You're not going to believe this but Luke was never imprisoned.   Not in Miscavige, not in that basement on Elm Street.  The real Luke Spencer, or so the fingerprints say, is in a holding cell at the PCPD across from my psychotic stepmother. 
JULIAN:  Say WHAT?   Not that I really knew Luke, but from what I've heard of him, this doesn't make much sense. 
 ALEXIS:  Tell me about it. 
MICHAEL:  Alexis, you have to send Sonny back to jail.
ALEXIS:  I don't think so, Michael.  The governor gave him a pardon and that's the governor's right.
MICHAEL:  That governor abused his power and set a MURDERER free!   This is wrong!  I will NOT stand for this injustice! 
ALEXIS:  You can file a civil suit for wrongful death.
MICHAEL:  Like I'm hurting for cash.  I'M A QUARTERMAINE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!   What I want is that SON OF A BITCH back in jail.
JULIAN:  If you want to see a son of a bitch, look in the mirror, kid.  I've only been besties with Sonny for, like, 5 minutes, but we both risked extending our sentences to save our sons.   Sonny JUMPED IN THE WATER WITH A BOMB to save your ungrateful ass!   At least my son appreciates what I did.
MICHAEL:  You didn't kill Tony Jones.  He died like a long time ago from the monkey virus.
JULIAN:  Whatever.  Grow up and lose the 'tude, kid.

MAXIE'S APARTMENT

NATHAN:  We need to bring all of Luke's accomplices to justice.  That includes Carlos Rivera and your friend Johnny Zacchara.
MAXIE:  Maybe Carlos is guilty of accomplicing with Weird Psycho Luke but not Johnny.  He's out of the mob.
NATHAN:  Yeah, and I'm the king of France.
MAXIE:  Well, you speak French...
NATHAN:  I've got to go talk to Carlos's girlfriend Sabrina to make sure she's not hiding two fugitives.  If Johnny comes a knockin', you'd better be a talkin'. 

SABRINA'S APARTMENT

SABRINA:  I don't feel like corrupting my moral compass again, guys.  I'm only hiding you here because there's a chance Ava's alive. 
CARLOS:  Your help is much appreciated, querrrrrrida. 
JOHNNY:  Yeah, thanks for stitching me up and giving me antibiotics.
SABRINA:  I did this all under protest.  I don't feel good about this.
NATHAN:  Open up!  It's Detective Nathan West.
SABRINA:  Hide, guys!   Go into the bedroom.
NATHAN:   Is everything okay, Miss Santiago?
SABRINA:  Everything is fine.  Any news on Ava Jerome?
NATHAN:  They've called off the search.  She's presumed dead.
SABRINA:  Then everything is not fine. 

HOSPITAL

OLIVIA:  Ned, are you okay?  You don't look so hot.
NED:  Got myself the flu.   I'm getting over it. 
OLIVIA:  Well, it's good you're seeing a doctor just in case.
NED:  Not exactly.  I'm spying on Alexis.   Sorry.  I forgot.  We're not friends.
OLIVIA:  Never listen to Upset Olivia.  Upset Olivia says stuff she doesn't mean.  Of course we're friends.  We're besties.   Who else will watch action movies with me?
NED:  That's good to know!  Alexis made me sit through The Pain and The Yearning.   The meds weren't responsible for me falling asleep.
OLIVIA:  You know, I think I might be getting the flu too.  My stomach's all weird and I'm throwing up and stuff.
NED:  That sucks.  I hope I didn't give it to you.  Alexis sure is taking a long time with Julian. 
OLIVIA:  As your friend, if you really love Alexis, you should give her the benefit of the doubt.
NED:  I kinda like Not Upset Olivia.   Just try not to become Sick Olivia.  Take care of yourself.

SABRINA'S APARTMENT

 CARLOS:  Don't arrest Sabrrrrrrina!   I held a gun to her and made her hide us.
 NATHAN:  Where's Zacchara?
 CARLOS:  Haven't a clue.  He climbed out the window. 
 NATHAN:  And went where?
 CARLOS:  Hell if I know.  Just don't arrest Sabrrrrrina.   She was my hostage. 
 SABRINA:  Um, I guess.

SHADYBROOK
 
NINA:  Can I see him?
DOCTOR:  I'm afraid there's not much left of his brains, ma'am.  The LSD done fried him good.
NINA:  I still want to see him.  He's my friend and he helped me see reality.  Maybe I can help him.
DOCTOR:  Go ahead, but prepare for disappointment.
NINA:  Franco?   Franco, it's me, Nina.  Do you remember me?
FRANCO:  Of course I remember you.   I was climbing this mountain and my arm was caught in a boulder for like, one hundred and twenty seven hours!   I had a little knife with me and the only thing I could do to save my life was to CUT MY ARM OFF!   MY ARM IS GONE!  
NINA:  Your arm is still here, Franco.  I'm holding both hands and in order for your hand to be here, it has to be connected to your arm.
FRANCO:  I'm whole again!  IT'S A MIRACLE!   Remember when we hosted the Oscars, Anne?   You and me on that big stage!   All those little golden statues.   You were so pretty and everyone was just jealous of you.  
NINA:  It sure looks like your LSD has taken you on a magical mystery tour.   Thanks for the postcard, Franco.  Remember that I love you and I'll be there for you, cause you were there for me too. 

MAXIE'S APARTMENT

 MAXIE:  Johnny, what are you doing here?   The cops are looking for you and by the cops, I mean my BOYFRIEND! 
JOHNNY:  You've gotta help me, Maxie.  I don't wanna go back to Pentonville. 
 MAXIE:  I can't help you, Johnny.   That would be helping a criminal and Nathan would be SUPER PISSED at me if I did that.
 JOHNNY:  You don't have to hide me.  Just help me skip town.  You got cash?
 MAXIE:  Not a lot.  Unemployed, remember?
JOHNNY:  How about your car keys?
 MAXIE:  You're so not taking my car.  Mac gave it to me for my sweet sixteen. 
 JOHNNY:  Please, Maxie!  Pretty please with a cherry on top? 
 MAXIE:  Here.  dumps her purse out onto a chair.   I'm going to take a shower and make it look like I was looking for something in my purse and you just stole my keys and my cash.   It's not like I haven't done anything that stupid before.   Now disappear before Nathan sees you.