I'M JASON!

 Right as he is slipping under the sauce, Jake remembers who he is.  Who the hell knows what's going on in Luke's brain.  One minute he's mouthing off to Bobbie and the next, he's seeing his split personality in a prison guard uniform.   Nikolas, Tracy, & Lulu try to extract information about Luke out of Helena, but Tracy and Lulu leave unsatisfied.   Nik then grills his granny about Jake.  Olivia freaks out about Julian finding out about her pregnancy.   Alexis tells Julian how she got him out of going back to Pentonville. 

   HOSPITAL

   PATRICK:  So, now that you know this brain surgery can kill you, Jake, what are you going to do? 
   JAKE:  I'm guessing Disneyland is out of the question. 
   PATRICK:  Not unless you want to contract measles.  
   JAKE:  Oh yeah, that.   So I want to get Helena's soldier boy chip out of my head whether it kills me or not.  When can you start drilling into my skull? 
    PATRICK:  As soon as you can change into a hospital gown.   What do we care if you have eaten something since late last night?   After all, you are the only patient in this hospital and I am the only brain surgeon, so let's do it. 
    JAKE:  Sweet!   I keep forgetting, does the gown tie in the back or the front?  

   WYNDEMERE

    TRACY:  Spill it, Helena.  What have you done to Luke?  
    HELENA:  Luke is a very complex, very flawed man.   Ergo, he must have had a traumatic childhood.   Personally, I find this Luke very attractive. 
    TRACY:  You would. 
    LULU:  We are so not getting the answers we need. 
    TRACY:  You can say that again.  Full immunity my ass.  
   
   PCPD JAIL

   BOBBIE:  How could you, Luke?   What has happened to my big brother?   When did you become a monster? 
   LUKE:  This is who I've always been, Barbara Jean.   I've always had a dark side.   Don't we all?   My dark side has just become a little darker lately. 
   BOBBIE:  A LITTLE?  You tried to blow up a boat with your daughter, your wife, and a bunch of other innocent people on it.  
  LUKE:  Bobbie?   Barbara?   What's happening to me?  I'm turning GREEN!   Am I the HULK????  SOMEBODY HEEEEEEELLLLLP MEEEEEEEE!  
  LUKE'S DARK SIDE:  Shut up you raving imbecile! 
  LUKE:  NOOOOO!   This can't be happening!   My muscles are bulging.  My shirt is getting tight.   HEEEEELLLLLLPPPPP!  

  Q MANSION

   OLIVIA:  Just kidding.  I'm not pregnant.  Home pregnancy tests always lie.  
   NED:  But you got a blood test. 
   OLIVIA:  PSYCH!!!!  Got you again.  I really am pregnant.  
   NED:  What's up with you, Olivia?   Why did you want me to think you weren't pregnant?  Are you embarrassed that you're carrying Julian Jerome's spawn? 
   OLIVIA:  Embarrassed is not the word.  Freaked out is more like it.   If Julian finds out, his mob boss will blow up my uterus to send him a message. 
    NED:  We can't have any exploding uteri. 
   OLIVIA:  Which is why I need to get out of Dodge and shack up with my Bensonhurst buddy.  
  
  HOSPITAL

   JULIAN:  Did you break up with Ned? 
   ALEXIS:  Nope, not yet.  I was to busy getting your ass out from under a prison sentence, thank you very much.  
   JULIAN:  How did you swing that?  
   ALEXIS:  I told them that the Anthony Zacchara confession was to save your skin and that you didn't falsely imprison Luke.   I threw some fancy legal mumbo-jumbo in there for good measure.  
   JULIAN:  Okay, you can kiss me.  As soon as you break up with Ned.  

 WYNDEMERE

   NIKOLAS:  Back to our Jake discussion, Grandmother.  Who is he?  I want his name, date of birth, and social security number.
   HELENA:  The answers you are seeking are in this box.  
   NIKOLAS:  Who are you, Confucius?  All I see in this box is a ring.
   HELENA:  Read the inscription.  
   NIKOLAS:  This ring belongs to Sam.  
   HELENA:  And she gave it to Jake on their wedding day.  Voila! 

 HOSPITAL

   LIZ:  Good luck on your surgery, Jake. 
   SAM:  When you wake up, you'll be free of my whackjob step-grandmother's mind control chip. 
   JAKE:  Here goes! 
   PATRICK:  Time to put you to sleep, Jake.  
   JAKE:  I...AM...JASON