That's MY BABY!

    Nina went fake crazy over Avery so she could go back to Shadybrook to be with Franco.   Meanwhile Franco may be faking his LSD crazy because he heard everything Olivia said about being preggers with Julian's baby.   Spencer is transferred to Shriners Hospital for Children, where Nikolas speaks with his doctors about his recovery.   Michael goes forward in pursuing custody of Avery.   Jake/Jason has a weird dream about Liz.   Ava explains to Silas how she survived being shot and falling off a bridge.   Morgan and NuBlondeKiki are ready to say goodbye to Ava, but Julian isn't about to count his sister out.

     KELLY'S

   MORGAN:  Ava is dead.   She was shot and she fell off a bridge into ice cold water.   Ergo, dead.   Time to close the book and move on.
   KIKI:  You're probably right, Morgan.  Who could have survived that?   Should I have the memorial or shouldn't I?
   JULIAN:  You two are awfully quick to give up on Ava.  I'm not so sure she's dead.  Never count Ava Jerome out.  

     NYC HOSPITAL

     SILAS:  Wakey, wakey, Ava!   You're in the Secret Green Room in a Manhattan hospital so no cops or Corinthoses can find you. 
     AVA:  Silas, am I happy to see you!   Who'd have thunk I would swim out of that water, stagger through the woods with a bleeding gunshot wound and manage to hitchhike my way to safety? 
     SILAS:  You're a survivor, Ava.  By the way, I had to lie to Kiki and not tell her you are alive.  If anyone in Port Chuckles finds out, it's back to Pentonville, or worse.
     AVA:  Kiki is grieving me?   That's so sad.   And she has to take care of Avery too.
     SILAS:  Yeah, about that.   She had to give Avery back to Sonny, but Michael is suing for custody.
     AVA:  Say WHAAAAAATTTTT?????

     COURTHOUSE

     NINA:  That's MY BABY!   A stranger is holding MY BABY!   I want MY BABY back NOW or I'll throw a nutter that will get me sent back to Shadybrook!
    ALEXIS:  Nathan, calm your hysterical sister down.   I suggest herbal tea. 
    NATHAN:  Whoa, Nina, dial down the crazy!  If I didn't know better, I'd think you WANT to get sent back to Shadybrook.
    NINA:  I wanna see the judge.  I wanna get MY BABY back! 
    NATHAN:  Sorry, Alexis.  It looks like her brief foray into sanity has come and gone.  I'd better take her back. 

     SHADYBROOK

    FRANCO:  Where's Phyllis?
    OLIVIA:  I don't know who the hell Phyllis is, but I'm not her. 
    FRANCO:  I know that!  You're the pizza mama!   Mama Celeste and Papa John are gonna have a little piece of pizza pie.  That's Amore!  
    OLIVIA: Whatever.  Anyway, I hear you got the Heather Webber Special just like I did, so I can ramble on about stuff I don't want any sane person hearing like that I'm carrying Julian Jerome's baby.
    FRANCO:  When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine, that's amore!  
    OLIVIA:  OF COURSE I run into Julian and Alexis at the hospital in the way to my OB appointment and...
    FRANCO:  When the stars make you drool like a pasta fazool, that's amore!
    OLIVIA:  ...Ned jumps in and says the baby's his!   Julian bought it, but Alexis, I'm not so sure.
    FRANCO:  Bells will ring, ting-a-ling-a-ling, ting-a-ling-a-ling...
    OLIVIA:  It felt great to get that off my chest.
    FRANCO:  You can confess to Father Franco anytime you like, Olivia. 



     HOSPITAL

   JAKE:  I had a weird dream about you, Uhlizabeth.   It was like bizarro world.  You were hurt and in a hospital bed and I was helping you.  
  LIZ:  Reversed roles, that's interesting.  By the way, I'm sorry about Ric and his trying to send you to prison.   I'm kinda not that into him right now. 
  JAKE:  Hey, don't let me be the cause of your breakup with Ric. 

   COURTHOUSE

    MICHAEL:  I was raised by Sonny The Mobster and took a bullet that put me in a coma for a year.  My brother was sent to military school because of Sonny.   My sister was held hostage by one of Sonny's enemies.  Sonny shot my other brother.   Sonny is the root of all evil and should not raise my little sister.
    RIC:  Objection!   Sonny's not all that bad, and this is coming from a guy who used to hate his guts.
   ALEXIS:  I would SO rather be having sex with Julian right now.
   CARLY:  But...but...but...Avery needs her father's love!

    NYC HOSPITAL

    AVA:  I don't want Sonny OR Michael raising MY DAUGHTER!   I need to get over to that courthouse and claim her for myself.
   SILAS:  Did I mistakenly inject you with LSD???   If you show your face in Port Charles, you will either get shot, arrested, or both.   For the love of that baby girl, stay put! 

     Out of respect for Shriners Hospital and what they do to help sick and seriously injured children, I will not be parodying any of the scenes with Spencer getting treatment there.    I will say, however, that Tyler Christopher has been knocking it out of the park in his portrayal of the distraught father Nikolas.