Guns and Bombs and Needles, Oh My!

Villainry was running amok in The Chuck today.   Mobsters shooting at one another, Fluke's TNT twins, and The Heather Webber LSD special!   Not to mention Helena having her goons take down her grandson to keep him off the Haunted Star!  

 PENTONVILLE VAN 

 SONNY:  Fugitive roll call:  Julian?  Ava?  Franco? 
 AVA:  Here. 
 SONNY:  I can't believe I'm about to say this, but Ava, check on Franco. 
 AVA:  Franco?  Wakey wakey! 
 FRANCO:  Nina? 
 AVA:  That's hilarious. 
 SONNY:  Julian?  You alive? 
 JULIAN:  I'm gonna turn this van...Wait a minute.  Did we crash? 

ELM STREET BASEMENT

 DANTE:  Holy crap, what did Eckert do to you, Luke?   Damn it, a bomb!  I gotta get out of here.  HEEEEEELLLLP!  

HAUNTED STAR:

  FLUKE:  I've gathered you all together tonight to tell you it sure feels great to be Luke Spencer again.  While that impostor was pretending to be me, NO ONE SUSPECTED HE WAS A FLUKE?  I mean, COME ON, PEOPLE!   But I forgive you your stupidity.   This impostor could have fooled the devil himself.  Okay, enough jabbering from me.  Michael, you're up.
  MICHAEL:  Thank you all for coming to honor my father, who was SHOT IN COLD BLOOD BY SONNY CORINTHOS!  Now that we've gotten that out of the way, thank you, Luke, for hosting this party and allowing me to have your childhood home torn down to build this clinic for those who need it most.  
  LULU:  Dammit, where's Dante?
  IVY:  Dammit, where's Nikolas.  He can't be ditching me for a woman old enough to be his grandmother?
  SABRINA: Where did Carrrrrrrrlos go?     

  PENTONVILLE VAN

SONNY:  It's Johnny and Carlos.  Get ready for a SHOOT OUT, everyone. 
AVA:  Franco, gimme your gun.
FRANCO:  In your dreams!  I'm using this to kill my homicidal lunatic of mother before she hurts Nina.
AVA:  Forget NINA and save ME you whackjob serial killer who thinks he's an artist!   
FRANCO:  Sorry, not sorry.  I'm outta here.  You're on your own, AVA!
SONNY & JULIAN:  BANG!  BANG!  
CARLOS & JOHNNY:  BANG!  BANG!
SONNY & JULIAN:  BANG! BANG!  
CARLOS & JOHNNY:  BANG! BANG!
JULIAN:  AAAAAGHHH  MY LEG!  
SONNY:  MAN DOWN!
CARLOS:  Zacchara, you take Sonny & Jerome, I'll handle Ava.  


 SHADYBROOK

 HEATHER:  I hate my son and I'm going to use YOU to exact my revenge! 
 NINA:  Even I think that is crazy! 
 HEATHER:  He always had a soft spot for women who were a tomato slice short of a BLT.  
 NINA:  What's that you have in your hand? 
 HEATHER:  What, you don't recognize a NEEDLE OF BADNESS when you see it?   EVERY crazy knows how to operate on of these babies and this one's gonna make you crazier than ever. 
 NINA:  Whoa, lady.  Back off.  I'm younger and stronger than you and I do know how to handle a NEEDLE OF BADNESS.   Just ask Ava Jerome. 
 HEATHER:  Pack your bags, Nina-bird, because you're going on a long, strange TRIP!
 FRANCO:  I don't think so, MOTHER. 

 PIER

NIKOLAS:  What is this, grandmother?  Why are you and your goons trying to keep me from going to a party?   You're not THAT desperate for company, are you?  Where's your bestie, Luke Spencer?
HELENA:  That is none of your concern, my darling Nikolas.  Let me handle MY end of the business and you handle yours. 
NIKOLAS:  Come on, grandmother!  You want me to lead the Cassadines, am I right?
HELENA:  So very right, my darling. 
NIKOLAS:  Then you've gotta keep me in the loop.   What's going down on the Haunted Star that you don't want me to see. 
HELENA:  Fine, if you're going to be so childish to throw a temper tantrum, I will tell you.  I don't want you to be on board that boat when it goes clink BOOM!  
NIKOLAS:  Clink BOOM???   MY SISTER'S ON THAT BOAT, AND SO IS THE WOMAN I'VE BEEN DATING FOR FIVE SECONDS!  
HELENA:  Are they Cassadines?  NO!  So THEY DON'T COUNT!  
NIKOLAS:  I never signed up for mass murder!  
HELENA:  Boys, knock him out.   I'm sorry, my beloved grandson, but I cannot have you interfering with my systematic elimination of those whose hearts are not pumping Cassadine blood.  

 PCPD

 SAM:  Jake, why did you steal my phoenix?   It was MY PHOENIX!   Why did you break into my place and STEAL IT? 
 JAKE: What, this little trinket?  What would I want with that? 
 SAM: DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH MY PHOENIX!   DO YOU WANT TO ADD GROPING TO YOUR LIST OF CHARGES?
 JAKE: If I wanted one of those little figurines, I'd go to the Asian quarter and buy one myself for a buck.  Fifty cents if they go on sale. 
 SAM:  How DARE you cheapen my phoenix!  It's the last I have of JASON!  
 JAKE:  Whoa!  I didn't realize it meant that much to you.  Sorry I stole it while someone else was controlling my mind. 
 SAM:  WHAT??? That's the lamest excuse I've heard since "The dog ate my homework"! 
 JAKE:  Well, it's true.   I'm being brainwashed.  I just can't remember who's doing the washing. 

ELM STREET BASEMENT

 DANTE:  Where's my phone?  I've gotta call Lulu.   Hello.  Lulu?   Crap, it's Eckert.  Eckert, you bastard, give my wife her phone back!  

HAUNTED STAR

 FLUKE:  Lulu's phone.  Lulu can't come to the phone right now.  She's making out with Johnny Zacchara.  May I take a message?   YOU WILL NOT TALK THIS WAY ABOUT MY DAUGHTER!  I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE MY SON IN LAW OR NOT!   DAMN YOU AND YOUR JEALOUSY OF JOHNNY!   slams phone down
 LULU:  DAD!  YOU BROKE MY PHONE!!!  And you yelled at my husband too!  
 FLUKE:  I need some air.   Have a "blast" everyone!  Party like it's your last night on earth!

 PCPD: 

 NATHAN:  Jordan, what do you know about Sonny's escape from prison?
 JORDAN:  Careful.  We can't blow my cover.  I know nothing, but I did help Shawn dig up the grave of some guy named Bill Eckert.  
 NATHAN:  Who's he and why were you digging him up?
 JORDAN:  He's Luke Spencer's identical cousin.  We think he's impersonating Luke. 
 NATHAN:  Wait, I thought they caught Luke's impostor. 
 JORDAN:  Then Dante didn't tell you?   He thinks the real Luke is being held hostage in the basement of the old house on Elm Street where Luke and his sister grew up.
 NATHAN:  I need to find Dante!  

ELM STREET BASEMENT

 NATHAN:  Dante, where are you?  Holy crap!   We gotta get you outta here, like FAST!