Cowboys and Neurosurgeons

      Emma and Griffin play the Port Chuckles (and more politically correct) version of Cowboys and Indians.   Sonny and Anna need more intel from Paul's phone on the whereabouts of Carrrrrrrrrrrrrlos.  Sam, with Jason "along for the ride" have some questions for Nikolas about Haychel's shooting.  Tracy needs brain surgery and has to choose between Hot Doc and Doc Martin House.   Dante pumps Michael for info about Sonny's plan of attack against Carrrrrrrrrrrlos.   Curtis grills Haychel on her love of the green stuff.  


      ANNA'S HOUSE

     GRIFFIN:  Ugh!   Oh!  The pain!  The humiliation!  The inconvenience!  Doc, I need your help!   I've got hat hair and I think it's fatal! 
      EMMA:  You're gonna have to take off our hat, cowboy, so I can examine your hat hair.  
      GRIFFIN:  (takes off hat)  Have you SEEN anything like this before, doc? 
      EMMA:  It's pretty bad.  You need a shot.   If that doesn't work, we'll have to operate.  
      ANNA:  What has my granddaughter gotten you into?   
      GRIFFIN:  Diagnosis: Hat Hair.   This shot better work or I'm going under the knife.   Cowboys and Neurosurgeons doesn't mess around.  
       SONNY:  What did I just walk in on?  

     
       METROCOURT HOTEL ROOM

      LIZ:  So do you want me to help you boot Haychel from Wyndemere?   I'll throw all her stuff in the moat and she'll have to swim after it!   Come on, Nikolas!   It'll be fun! 
      NIKOLAS:  As tempting as that sounds, Liz, I'm going to stick with pretending to play happy families with her and Spencer. 
      LIZ:  Say WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT???? 

     
       GYM

       DANTE:  So, Michael, what's Dad got planned for Carrrrrrrrrrrrlos?   Will he draw him and quarter him?   Put him in front of a firing squad?    Tar and feather him, then parade him around the streets of Port Chuckles?  
       MICHAEL:  I know nothing.  Ask Dad yourself. 
       DANTE:  Come on, Michael!   Don't keep me guessing.   Is he returning to town with Carrrrrrrrrrrlos's head on a platter or what? 
       MICHAEL:  I know nothing.  Ask Dad.   See ya.  

     
      HOSPITAL

        DR. FINN:  The worms are having their way with your mother's brain, boys.   Larval cysts are wreaking havoc up there and she needs surgery.  
        DILLON:  Like a wormectomy or something?  
        DR. FINN:  Pretty much.   The anti-worm meds aren't containing the infestation like I had hoped, hence the seizure.   
        NED:  Get Doc Martin House in here STAT so he can save Mom's life.  
        DILLON:  What if she wants Dr. Munro?  
        DR. FINN:  Here's a crazy idea:  Ask your mother who she wants cutting into her brain.  
        PAUL:  Who's cutting Tracy's brain?   What's going on here?  

      
       ANNA'S HOUSE

        ANNA:  Carrrrrrrrrlos is a moving target.  We need to keep bugging Paul's phone.  
        SONNY:   Get the chip thingy from his phone and my techie goon Brick will get to work on it.  
        ANNA:  Sounds like a plan.   Emma, let's go on a little field trip, shall we?  
    
       
       METROCOURT HOTEL ROOM

     SAM:  Nikolas, we have reason to believe that Haychel was plotting and scheming to gift-wrap ELQ for Tracy Quartermaine.
      NIKOLAS:  What does your silent partner think?   Any mind-blowing insights, Jason?  
      JASON:  Don't mind me.  I'm just tagging along with my ex-wife on her adventures.   She even took me on a field trip to prison.   Fun times. 
      SAM:  Jason and I are the happiest couple ever to get a divorce.  Speaking of divorce, you and Haychel should give it a try.  
      NIKOLAS:  What if I don't want to?   What if I'd be, I don't know, lonely without her?   (to self) What if she's holding an attempted murder charge over my royal head? 
      SAM:  So, let me get this straight:  You'd rather be with a lying con artist bitch than alone?   Think of the children, Nikolas.  Or make that, think of the child.  
      NIKOLAS:  Well, Spencer kinda likes that lying con artist bitch just like he liked Britt and just like he had a soft spot for his Machiavellian great grandmother.  

     
      WYNDEMERE

     CURTIS:  Damn this place is creepy!   Remind me again why you still want to live here. 
     HAYCHEL:  It's all about the Benjamins, Curtis.   I have my standards.  
     CURTIS:  Maybe I should start calling you Greens since you love the stuff so much.  
     HAYCHEL:  Ha ha!  After the whole debacle with Daddy, I was tapped out.  I changed my name, went to some place called Beecher's Corners where some good-looking lawyer type wanted some good times with me.  Or so I thought.  Turns out he just wanted to hire me to be some poor amnesiac's fake wife so he could get with Busy Lizzie and he was offering a pretty penny for it.   I was too strapped for funds to be insulted that he wasn't into me.   The job was here in Port Chuckles and some prince came knocking on my hotel room, we had some Le Petit Mort, I found out he knew who Memory Man really was and when I was about to tell my fake hubby the truth, I get plugged by his goon.   Real Cinderella story, isn't it? 
     CURTIS:  Except that prince is fitting you for cement shoes.  
     HAYCHEL:  That's where you come in...
    
     
     HOSPITAL

     ANNA:  Fancy meeting you here, Paul.  (gives her phone to Emma) Emma, go take some selfies with Felix, Epiphany, a few IV poles, have some fun.  
     EMMA:  Okay, grandma.   I'm all over this hospital selfie thing.  
     ANNA:  Silly me!  I just remembered that I have to call Robin and Patrick.  I promised I'd call them at exactly 2:37.  That was a half hour ago.   Where's my phone?  
     PAUL:  You gave it to Emma.  Hospital selfies, remember?   Here, use mine.  
     ANNA:  Aren't you a sweet little crooked district attorney!   Thanks, Paul.   (fake calling Robin)  Hi Robin.  How's Morocco.  What?  I can't hear you.  I'm in a dead zone.   I'm going to move down the hall where the reception is better.  (to self) and Paul can't see me take that chip out of his phone. (to Robin) How's Patrick?  What time is it in Morocco?  (to self) Got it!  Look out Carrrrrrrrrlos! 

     OBRECHT:  Ze patient has chosen Dr. Munro.  It baffles ze mind zat she chose ze surgeon viss less experience razzer zan ze chief of neurosurgery.  
      GRIFFIN:  So, Elizabeth, are you ready for the assist on the Quartermaine cerebral wormectomy?  
      LIZ:  Ready as I'll ever be. 
      TRACY:  Let's get this de-worming surgery show on the road.   I never thought I'd ever utter such a sentence.   I'll be back, everyone.   Don't even think about renting my room out to long-lost Quartermaines, stray humans, or ANY of my ex-husbands because I WILL find out.  Tracy Angelica Quartermaine DOES NOT die of brain worms!   
     
       NED:  I still think we should have gone with Doc Martin House. 
       DILLON:  Go commiserate with Dr. Obrecht, Ned.  Mom made the right choice.  

   
     GYM

    SONNY:  Dante, son, who are you looking to sucker punch? 
    DANTE:  I've got a list, but first thing's first, Dad, what are you going to  (JAB JAB) do to Carrrrrrrrrrrlos?  
    SONNY:  (JAB JAB) I'm going to (JAB JAB) bring him to justice. 
    DANTE:  (JAB DUCK JAB) Care to (JAB) elaborate? 
    SONNY:  Well (DUCK JAB JAB) first, I have to find him. 
    DANTE:  (DUCK DUCK JAB DUCK JAB) Then what (JAB JAB)?  Are you planning on turning him over (DUCK JAB DUCK)  to the cops for a change?  
    SONNY:  (JAB JAB) That's hilarious.  

   
   WYNDEMERE

        HAYCHEL:  Guess who's coming to dinner?
        NIKOLAS:  What sort of game is this, Haychel?   With you it's always something.  
        CURTIS:  Since we're talking movies, meet The Bodyguard.