Haychel Goes Rogue (and So Does Sonny!)

     Haychel has good news and bad news for the back-to-her-old-snarky-self Tracy, still recovering from brain surgery.   She also has hubby Nikolas over a barrel.   Paul breaks free of his captivity in time to thwart Anna's capture of Carlos.   Jason has a plan to put Nikolas in his place.   Nathan tries to shut down Maxie's questions about Claudette. 

   
   TRACY'S HOSPITAL ROOM

    TRACY:  Gimme my phone.   I need to yell at a certain bitch who owes me my family's company.  
    NED:  Hello, mother?  You just had an extremely complicated radical wormectomy.   Are you sure you should be putting the health of your cerebrum at risk?   Besides, what happened to the kinder, gentler Tracy who just declared her love to Monica? 
   TRACY:  Ever heard of anesthesia, Ned?   Whatever I said to Monica never happened because I was still under the sauce.  
    NED:  You need your rest, mother.  
    TRACY:  I just woke up from a friggin NAP, Ned.   If you aren't going to fork over the phone, at least text Haychel that she needs to haul ass to this room with ELQ in her hands or the world will know just where Rachel Berlin is hiding out.  


   WYNDEMERE

         HAYCHEL:  Here's the deal, dear hubby:  You sign ELQ over to moi or you get sent to the hoosegow.  
          NIKOLAS:  What happened to our oh-so-romantic loveless marriage cease-fire?
          HAYCHEL:  Sleeping with knives is too Cassadine even for me.   Sign or haul ass to prison.  
          NIKOLAS:  Like HELL I'm signing my fortune over to Raymond BerMadoff's daughter.  
          HAYCHEL:  Poor little Spencer, raised by his self-righteous granny and having to talk to his daddy on the prison phone.   Gotta go!   There's a certain so-called associate fresh out of brain surgery who I need to troll.  

       
    MAXIE'S BEDROOM

   MAXIE:  Sex with you is amazing.   Why that tramp Claudette would cheat on a hot cop like you...I just don't get it.   Are you still feeling the emotional scars from her screwing you over?
   NATHAN:  You sure know how to kill a mood, Maxie.  

  
   SONNY'S PLANE

     ANNA:  Full disclosure:  I shot Carrrrrrrrrrrlos in the chest four times.  Too bad he was wearing a bulletproof vest.
     SONNY:  You tried, Anna.  No one can fault you for lack of effort.  
     ANNA:  I could go to prison for this if we catch Carrrrrrrrrrrrlos and have him rat out Julian, but it will be SOOOOO worth it to avenge Duke's death.  
     SONNY:  Isn't there a little thing called justifiable homicide?  


    ANNA'S HOUSE

     PAUL:  DERM IT ERNA!   (takes duct tape off his mouth)  How nice of you to leave me one hand free.   Note the sarcasm dripping in my voice.   If this was some sort of sex game, it would help if you actually showed up.   If you're trying to stop me from stopping you from going after Carrrrrrrrrrrrlos, you know better than to leave me with a free hand to reach for your mail and find a paper clip to unlock my cuff.   There's a price to pay for messing with Paul Hornsby.   

   
     JASON'S APARTMENT

    JASON:  I have unfinished business with your cousin Nikky. 
    SAM:  What, you're going to go over there and finish the job?   Think of Danny, Jason.  You can even think of Jake too.  
    JASON:  I'm not going to snap his royal assholish neck, if that's what you're worried about.  There are better ways to deal with pompous princes whose grandmothers implant mind control chips in my brain.  


     TRACY'S HOSPITAL ROOM

    HAYCHEL:  So, Tracy, did the good doctors remove all the worms from your brain.  By the way, EEEEEEEEWWWW!  
    TRACY:  Shut up, Haychel, and show me ELQ.   
    HAYCHEL:  I have a better idea.   Inside this box you will find two most important pieces of my husband's male anatomy.  
    TRACY:  I sure hope you're speaking figuratively, because now it's my turn to say EEEEEEWWWW!  
    HAYCHEL:  Nikolas is signing over ELQ as we speak.  
    TRACY:  Hallelujah!  
    HAYCHEL:  Don't get too excited, worm lady.  ELQ is mine and I'm not just giving it away.  
    TRACY:  Have you forgotten the terms of our arrangement, HAYCHEL BARNLIN?  
    HAYCHEL:  It's too late, Tracy.  The cat's out of the bag, so to speak.  I have nothing to lose and you just got Berlin'd.  

   
     SONNY'S PLANE

     AUTHORITIES:  Anna Devane, consider yourself screwed.   A certain wronged party at your Port Chuckles residence has informed me of your lawless shenanigans at his expense and we have a warrant out for your arrest.
    ANNA:  Stupid F$#%^&ING PAUL HORNSBY!   (to self)  I should have chloroformed him THRICE)
    SONNY:  Sorry, Anna, but I gotta go.  Carrrrrrrrrrrrrlos must be found and I have a Costco butterly net to put to use.  

     
    WYNDEMERE

     NIKOLAS:  Mother, I'm completely and utterly screwed!   Haychel knows I tried to have her plugged and I either sign my fortune over to her or suit up in those plebeian prison blues.  
     LAURA:  If Haychel turns you in, she might as well turn Elizabeth and I too.   Honey, we're all screwed.  
    NIKOLAS:  I'm such a bad son.   Such a bad, bad son.   I'm sorry, mother. 
    LAURA:  On the upside, you did save Lulu when she was a dark-haired toddler, so it all evens out in the end.  

    
     QUITO, ECUADOR

     SONNY:  Carrrrrrrrrrrlos, I'm comin' for ya and I've got a net.   It's really too bad my new pal Anna couldn't come along and plug you another four times in the chest after recording your admission that Julian was behind the hit on Duke.  
     CARRRRRRRRRLOS:  Not if I plug you fiiiiiiiirst!