Sonny's recovery hits a low point when he falls down trying to get up from his wheelchair. Lulu sees tension between her mother and Nikolas. Liz panics when Nikolas tells her that Jake is investigating his past. Jake is frustrated by another dead end in his search. Julian and Olivia come to an understanding concerning Baby Uncle Leo.
HOSPITAL
SONNY: I'm goin' home if I have to walk outta here myself! (tries to get up from his wheelchair and falls to floor)
CARLY: SONNY!
SONNY: I've fallen and I can't get up! I don't wanna get up! If I lay here. If I just lay here. I don't want anyone laying with me to just forget the world. That's up to me, Sonny GODDAMN Corinthos, the sad son of a bitch on the hospital floor!
MORGAN: (to self) And everyone thinks I was becoming unhinged.
CARLY: Patrick, can you peel my husband off the floor?
PATRICK & SAM'S HOUSE
SPINELLI: Eureka! I have happened upon a single result for Jake Doe in the lab's mainframe.
SAM: Let's see it.
SPINELLI: Alas, the file was expunged from the database on July 9.
SAM: Dammit, Nikolas!
JAKE: Screw you, Spaghetti! Screw this whole search for who the hell I am! I just don't give a crap anymore!
HOSPITAL
NIKOLAS: Heads up, Liz: Your fiance and his bestie Sam have been snooping around Wyndemere trying to dig up his true identity.
LIZ: OMG! OMG! I am SO SCREWED! That's why I BANNED him from hanging out with that nosy snoopypants Sam. What am I going to DO, Nikolas?
NIKOLAS: I don't know, Liz. Come clean to him for all I care.
LIZ: When hell freezes over.
NIKOLAS: Then you'd better keep an eye on him 24/7. I hear Franco knows of a place you can procure a wearable spycam. It's hideous, but effective.
KELLY'S
LULU: Remember Rocco? If not, don't feel so bad. We forget he exists half the time.
LAURA: I kind of remembering you having a little boy. He sure is cute.
LULU: Glad you think so because Dante and I are ready to have another one. We figure it may be easier for us to remember we have kids if there's more than one of them.
NIKOLAS: Well, if it isn't my lovely mother and sister and my nephew who my lying ex-fiance carried for nine months.
LAURA: Hello, Nikolas.
LULU: Did you guys have a fight?
LAURA: (to herself) No, Nikolas just wants me to keep a life-altering secret from a man who has lost his memory, that's all.
METROCOURT
JULIAN: Hand over the kid, Olivia.
OLIVIA: Security! Please escort this disturbance from my hotel. He's trying to kidnap MY BABY!
ALEXIS: Julian, Julian, Julian! Am I going to have to send you to your room without your dinner? I told you NOT to come here and terrorize Olivia.
JULIAN: But that's WAY more fun than waiting to go to court!
ALEXIS: Have you ever tried using your inside voice?
JULIAN: Fine. Olivia, I'm sorry I tried to rip Leo from your arms. That was very mobster of me and I promise I am not a mobster anymore.
OLIVIA: I'm sorry I made you think Leo was dead.
JULIAN: Do you think we could be be good little parents and try sharing out toy truck--I mean our kid?
OLIVIA: Okay, as long as you promise you won't let him around any bad guys with guns.
JULIAN: I pinky swear.
HOSPITAL
SONNY: I'm a broken man, Carly.
CARLY: But you're MY broken man, Sonny. And if you do physical therapy, you'll be less broken.
MICHAEL: We're all here for you, Dad.
MORGAN: Think of all the stuff you can still do in a wheelchair like throw barware. Your arms still work.
SONNY: I want you two boys to promise me not to do any mobbing. Leave that to Max.
MICHAEL: But Daaaaad, it was so cool sitting down with the Five Families.
SONNY: Michael!
MICHAEL: Fine, I'll stay out of the business and settle for watching Scarface.
SAM AND PATRICK'S HOUSE
SAM: Jake may not want to be part of this investigation, but that doesn't mean we stop searching. Your mission, Spinelli, should you choose to accept it, is to hack into the GH mainframe and find Jake's medical records.
PATRICK: What are you two crazy kids up to?
SAM: Just trying to swipe Jake's medical file from the mainframe, right Jackal?
PATRICK: See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil (leaves the room)
SPINELLI: Here's an X-ray of his broken face after he was run over by a rather large sport utility vehicle.
SAM: Can you use your cyber-wizardry to reconstruct his face the way it was before the accident?
LIZ'S BEDROOM
LIZ: Why were you and Sam snooping around Wyndemere?
JAKE: We were trying to figure out who I am. How can I marry you if I don't know what my real last name is. Do you really want to be Elizabeth Doe?
LIZ: If that's what it takes for you to forget about your past, I don't give a crap what my last name will be. Let it go, Jake. Que sera sera.
JAKE: Since when do you speak Spanish?
Thursday, October 22, 2015
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
I Want My Baby Back, Baby Back, Baby Back...
Alexis tells Julian that Leo is alive. Dante doesn't bite when Lulu offers him a chance to come clean. Sonny confronts Patrick about his diagnosis. Nina wants to become a better person and Franco urges Kiki to snap out of her funk. Nathan may have found a way to save Dillon's movie (and Maxie's acting career.
ALEXIS'S NEW HOUSE
ALEXIS: Guess what, Julian? Leo is ALIVE! I've got a little sheet of paper to prove it.
JULIAN: So THAT'S where my toothbrush-- Wait a minute. Hold the phone. Leo is ALIVE???? My son is not a pile of ashes and a hospital bracelet??? There's no Mateo?
ALEXIS: Mateo is a figment of Olivia's imagination. That baby, whose binky I snatched, along with your toothbrush, to run that DNA test, is your son Leo.
JULIAN: HOLY CRAP! I need to hunt Olivia down and get my baby back, like YESTERDAY!
ALEXIS: NOPE! You're going to wait until I file a court order.
JULIAN: Court order my ass! That's my kid and I've missed enough of his life already. He's what, four, five months old now? I'm going to get my son back if I have to rip him from Olivia's arms myself.
ALEXIS: Very. Bad. Idea. If you run over like a raving lunatic and snatch Leo away from Olivia, number one, that's kidnapping. Number two, you'll make yourself look like a hairy, scary mobster and prove her point.
JULIAN: I am NOT hairy!
FRANCO, NINA, & KIKI'S APARTMENT
NINA: Feel how soft these sheets are, Franco. Feel how soft. A thousand thread count. That's a lot of threads, Franco. Let's have sex on these incredibly soft sheets.
KIKI: Blech!
NINA: Who asked you?
FRANCO: Hug, ladies. Don't slug.
PATRICK'S OFFICE
SONNY: Hey Dr. Doom, don't be spreading your bad doctor juju to my wife. I am going home where the healing vibrations will cure my paralysis. I read all about it on the interwebs.
PATRICK: Wake up and smell the physical therapy, Sonny. You have a long, arduous recovery ahead of you if you want to even think about walking again.
SONNY: (puts fingers in ears) La la la la la la la la
MICHAEL: Come on, Dad. Stop paddling down the river of Denial. Listen to Patrick and focus on your recovery.
CARLY: Michael's right. He always is. We're on your side, just like Channel 7.
METROCOURT LOBBY
MORGAN: Hi Olivia. Hi, stranger baby.
OLIVIA: Morgan, this is my adopted son Mateo.
BABY UNCLE LEO: (translated from Baby) It's Leo, goddamn it, Mommy! I'm Baby Uncle Leo. Like the guy on Seinfeld, only way younger and cuter.
MORGAN: That was the quickest adoption ever. Congrats, Olivia.
PCPD
NATHAN: You've got to 'fess up to Lulu, man. Maxie's been driving me nuts since she knows I'm keeping a secret from her.
DANTE: If only it were that easy.
LULU: Hello loving, perfect husband! I kicked Dillon off my boat.
MAXIE: To the detriment of my acting career. Now Dillon's movie is homeless and he refuses to take any more Q money.
NATHAN: Would he object to Reeves money? It's time we pay a visit to Nina at her new place, which is her ex-husband's old place where he died, but that's beside the point.
FRANCO, NINA, & KIKI'S APARTMENT
NINA: We are having a house party tonight. My brother Jay and his girlfriend Maxie are coming over for dinner.
KIKI: Bite me.
FRANCO: Now Kiki, I know you've got a much nicer Kiki buried under all that grief, rage, and angst. You know how I know that? Because I believe in you. Just like I believe in Nina.
KIKI: Fine, I'll make the eats.
FRANCO: That's the spirit!
PCPD
DANTE: My mom and Ned broke up. He didn't want to play a part in the Baby Mateo charade anymore.
LULU: Awww, poor Liv. It just goes to show how lies have a way of biting you in the ass when you least expect it. Not like YOU would tell me any lies now, would you?
DANTE: Me? Nah.
DANTE'S CONSCIENCE: BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
ALEXIS: I need to speak to a judge about a not-quite-dead baby sired by my boyfriend.
DANTE: (under his breath) CRAP!
METROCOURT LOBBY
JULIAN: Read this and weep, Olivia. This baby is MINE!
OLIVIA: Look Julian, I'm sorry I lied, but I had to keep my baby safe from the likes of YOU and your mobstery mobbishness.
JULIAN: If I were a teacher, I would have you stay after school and write on the chalkboard "Julian is no longer a mobster" five thousand times. You let me believe my kid was DEAD and nothing but ashes and a hospital bracelet. Then you tried to pass him off as an adopted replacement kid. How sick is THAT? I want my kid and I want him NOW!
OLIVIA: Fat chance, Julian. If you're out of the mob, I'm the queen of France.
JULIAN: Give. Me. My. Son. NOW!
FRANCO, NINA, AND KIKI'S APARTMENT
NINA: Hello, Jay & Maxie. Welcome to my fabulous new abode that we're still working on un-haunting.
KIKI: I whipped up some finger foods for you. Sobriety has its benefits, at least to a point.
FRANCO: What do you want from your sister, Nathan?
NINA: Franco! Interrogating the guests is bad form. Really bad form.
NATHAN: Well, he isn't entirely off base, surprised as I am to hear myself say that. I do need some financial help from you, Nina. It's actually for Maxie and her friend who are shooting a movie and need more funds because they were kicked off of Lulu's boat.
NINA: Let me get my checkbook.
FRANCO: Aren't we quick to open the vault?
NINA: It's all part of Nina 2.0. I'm turning over a new leaf, Franco.
MAXIE: Thank you so much, Nina 2.0. Nice dress by the way. Cartullo?
NINA: IS there anyone else?
MAXIE: You go, girlfriend!
HOSPITAL
SONNY: Morgan, you've got to help me escape from Hospitalcatraz. My Sonny-ness is being stifled here. Hospital rooms are making me claustrophobic. I need to get home where the healing vibes will make my legs work again.
MORGAN: Sure, Dad. Whatever you say.
CARLY: Not so fast, Sonny. The only place YOU are going is to the rehab wing.
SONNY: Son of a bitch!
ALEXIS'S NEW HOUSE
ALEXIS: Dammit, Julian, do I need to chain you to this lovely new home you gave me?
ALEXIS'S NEW HOUSE
ALEXIS: Guess what, Julian? Leo is ALIVE! I've got a little sheet of paper to prove it.
JULIAN: So THAT'S where my toothbrush-- Wait a minute. Hold the phone. Leo is ALIVE???? My son is not a pile of ashes and a hospital bracelet??? There's no Mateo?
ALEXIS: Mateo is a figment of Olivia's imagination. That baby, whose binky I snatched, along with your toothbrush, to run that DNA test, is your son Leo.
JULIAN: HOLY CRAP! I need to hunt Olivia down and get my baby back, like YESTERDAY!
ALEXIS: NOPE! You're going to wait until I file a court order.
JULIAN: Court order my ass! That's my kid and I've missed enough of his life already. He's what, four, five months old now? I'm going to get my son back if I have to rip him from Olivia's arms myself.
ALEXIS: Very. Bad. Idea. If you run over like a raving lunatic and snatch Leo away from Olivia, number one, that's kidnapping. Number two, you'll make yourself look like a hairy, scary mobster and prove her point.
JULIAN: I am NOT hairy!
FRANCO, NINA, & KIKI'S APARTMENT
NINA: Feel how soft these sheets are, Franco. Feel how soft. A thousand thread count. That's a lot of threads, Franco. Let's have sex on these incredibly soft sheets.
KIKI: Blech!
NINA: Who asked you?
FRANCO: Hug, ladies. Don't slug.
PATRICK'S OFFICE
SONNY: Hey Dr. Doom, don't be spreading your bad doctor juju to my wife. I am going home where the healing vibrations will cure my paralysis. I read all about it on the interwebs.
PATRICK: Wake up and smell the physical therapy, Sonny. You have a long, arduous recovery ahead of you if you want to even think about walking again.
SONNY: (puts fingers in ears) La la la la la la la la
MICHAEL: Come on, Dad. Stop paddling down the river of Denial. Listen to Patrick and focus on your recovery.
CARLY: Michael's right. He always is. We're on your side, just like Channel 7.
METROCOURT LOBBY
MORGAN: Hi Olivia. Hi, stranger baby.
OLIVIA: Morgan, this is my adopted son Mateo.
BABY UNCLE LEO: (translated from Baby) It's Leo, goddamn it, Mommy! I'm Baby Uncle Leo. Like the guy on Seinfeld, only way younger and cuter.
MORGAN: That was the quickest adoption ever. Congrats, Olivia.
PCPD
NATHAN: You've got to 'fess up to Lulu, man. Maxie's been driving me nuts since she knows I'm keeping a secret from her.
DANTE: If only it were that easy.
LULU: Hello loving, perfect husband! I kicked Dillon off my boat.
MAXIE: To the detriment of my acting career. Now Dillon's movie is homeless and he refuses to take any more Q money.
NATHAN: Would he object to Reeves money? It's time we pay a visit to Nina at her new place, which is her ex-husband's old place where he died, but that's beside the point.
FRANCO, NINA, & KIKI'S APARTMENT
NINA: We are having a house party tonight. My brother Jay and his girlfriend Maxie are coming over for dinner.
KIKI: Bite me.
FRANCO: Now Kiki, I know you've got a much nicer Kiki buried under all that grief, rage, and angst. You know how I know that? Because I believe in you. Just like I believe in Nina.
KIKI: Fine, I'll make the eats.
FRANCO: That's the spirit!
PCPD
DANTE: My mom and Ned broke up. He didn't want to play a part in the Baby Mateo charade anymore.
LULU: Awww, poor Liv. It just goes to show how lies have a way of biting you in the ass when you least expect it. Not like YOU would tell me any lies now, would you?
DANTE: Me? Nah.
DANTE'S CONSCIENCE: BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
ALEXIS: I need to speak to a judge about a not-quite-dead baby sired by my boyfriend.
DANTE: (under his breath) CRAP!
METROCOURT LOBBY
JULIAN: Read this and weep, Olivia. This baby is MINE!
OLIVIA: Look Julian, I'm sorry I lied, but I had to keep my baby safe from the likes of YOU and your mobstery mobbishness.
JULIAN: If I were a teacher, I would have you stay after school and write on the chalkboard "Julian is no longer a mobster" five thousand times. You let me believe my kid was DEAD and nothing but ashes and a hospital bracelet. Then you tried to pass him off as an adopted replacement kid. How sick is THAT? I want my kid and I want him NOW!
OLIVIA: Fat chance, Julian. If you're out of the mob, I'm the queen of France.
JULIAN: Give. Me. My. Son. NOW!
FRANCO, NINA, AND KIKI'S APARTMENT
NINA: Hello, Jay & Maxie. Welcome to my fabulous new abode that we're still working on un-haunting.
KIKI: I whipped up some finger foods for you. Sobriety has its benefits, at least to a point.
FRANCO: What do you want from your sister, Nathan?
NINA: Franco! Interrogating the guests is bad form. Really bad form.
NATHAN: Well, he isn't entirely off base, surprised as I am to hear myself say that. I do need some financial help from you, Nina. It's actually for Maxie and her friend who are shooting a movie and need more funds because they were kicked off of Lulu's boat.
NINA: Let me get my checkbook.
FRANCO: Aren't we quick to open the vault?
NINA: It's all part of Nina 2.0. I'm turning over a new leaf, Franco.
MAXIE: Thank you so much, Nina 2.0. Nice dress by the way. Cartullo?
NINA: IS there anyone else?
MAXIE: You go, girlfriend!
HOSPITAL
SONNY: Morgan, you've got to help me escape from Hospitalcatraz. My Sonny-ness is being stifled here. Hospital rooms are making me claustrophobic. I need to get home where the healing vibes will make my legs work again.
MORGAN: Sure, Dad. Whatever you say.
CARLY: Not so fast, Sonny. The only place YOU are going is to the rehab wing.
SONNY: Son of a bitch!
ALEXIS'S NEW HOUSE
ALEXIS: Dammit, Julian, do I need to chain you to this lovely new home you gave me?
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
Housewarming
Julian has a big and beautiful surprise for Alexis. Brad seeks Alexis's legal advice as he hands over the DNA results on Baby Uncle Leo's binky. Sonny has unrealistic expectations for his recovery and balks when Patrick attempts to give him a reality check. Anna has a session with the hospital's resident shrink Kevin Collins. Lulu kicks Dillon's movie production off the Haunted Star. Olivia tells Dante that she and Ned are over.
HOSPITAL
BRAD: Here are the results of Operation Binky Grab. Kinda badass of you to snatch a binky right out of a baby's mouth.
ALEXIS: BWAHAHAHAHAHA! I didn't have to. The binky was left on the bar counter. It was too easy, really.
BRAD: So can you get me divorced from Rosalie without going to jail for a crime I'm not ready to tell you about yet?
ALEXIS: I can see not wanting to talk about it in a public place like this, but you're going to have to tell me what you did so I can free you from Rosalie.
HAUNTED STAR
DILLON: What's with the fake spiders and Halloween crap on my set?
LULU: It's MY GODDAMN BOAT and I'm kicking YOUR STUPID MOVIE out of here.
MAXIE: Hey, watch it, Lulu! My ACTING CAREER is tied to his stupid movie. No offense, Dillon.
DILLON: This is because I declared my unrequited love to you and kissed you, isn't it? I told you I was sorry.
LULU: No, it's because you trash-talked my husband. AND came on to me. AND kissed me. Go get your Tarantino on somewhere else.
DILLON: But I'm BROKE!
MAXIE: HELLO! What's your last name again?
DILLON: I'm not groveling for more Q cash for this movie, okay.
MAXIE: Fine, then crowdfund it on the interwebs and turn the Halloween party here into a benefit. Lulu would be happy to do that, right bestie?
LULU: I don't think so.
MAXIE: Don't do this for Dillon. Do it for ME! Your best friend in the ENTIRE WORLD!
HOSPITAL
SONNY: I'm itchin' to get outta this hospital bed, Max. Getting a little stir crazy in here.
MAX: Brought you some wedding cannolis. Maybe these'll cheer you up.
SONNY: So who went rogue and offed Rrrrrrriverrrrrrra?
MAX: I'll get on it.
SONNY: Thanks, Max. Oh, here's the doc to spring me from this joint.
PATRICK: No can do, I'm afraid.
SONNY: Say WHAAAAAAAAAT? I gotta get outta here, Patrick! I've got business to do. Coffee to sell. Daughters to get back from female mobsters. I can't do this while I'm stuck in here with wires all up in my personal space.
PATRICK: If I send you home today, you could have another seizure and die.
SONNY: Or I could learn how to walk and become a whole man again. That can't happen while I'm stuck in here chained to a hospital bed.
JULIAN: Hey there, Lucas. How goes it with your wedding plans?
LUCAS: As soon as Brad can get himself out from under Rosalie, we're good to go.
JULIAN: Well, that's great news, son. I just want my kids to be happy. I know somewhere up there in the heavens, your baby brother is smiling down on us.
LUCAS: I really like this mob-free, enlightened version of you, Dad.
KEVIN COLLINS' OFFICE
KEVIN: Anna! Long time, no see. So sorry about Duke.
ANNA: Thank you, Kevin. I'm here because I keep seeing a ghost.
KEVIN: Is it Duke's ghost? If so, give him my best.
ANNA: It's not Duke. It's Carrrrrrrrrrrlos. The man who murdered Duke. The man who I...never mind.
KEVIN: You can tell me, Anna. Doctor-patient confidentiality, you know.
ANNA: I can't go two seconds without hearing gunshots and rolled R's. Carlos is stalking me from the afterlife and now I'm a crazy person and I HATE IT, Kevin. I HATE IT!
KEVIN: Here are some sleeping pills. Take some of these and call me in the morning.
DANTE & LULU'S APARTMENT
OLIVIA: Ned dumped me, Dante. He didn't want to be part of my web of lies about Leo.
DANTE: I'm sorry, Ma. Where is Leo? Hopefully nowhere near Julian.
OLIVIA: Leo is safe. But for how long. I mean, Alexis seemed awfully suspicious the other day when I had him with me. I'm not sure she bought the Mateo story. By the way, one of his binkies is missing.
DANTE: Do you think it's safe to have him in The Chuckles?
OLIVIA: That's where my life is, Dante. It's where my family is. Speaking of family, you look tense. How are things with you and Lulu?
DANTE: Well, things were rocky for awhile but we're going to have another baby and I hope that will fix a lot of what's broken between us.
HOSPITAL
JULIAN: (over phone) Is it done? I need to know if it's done. Thank you.
ALEXIS: Please tell me I didn't hear mob-speak from your end of that conversation.
JULIAN: Want to find out what I was talking about? Come with me.
ALEXIS'S NEW HOUSE
JULIAN: Remember how your old lake house blew up because of me? I got you a new one, but with a pool instead of a lake.
ALEXIS: This house is MINE?
JULIAN: Damn straight it is! And I'm about to throw you a housewarming party.
HOSPITAL
BRAD: Here are the results of Operation Binky Grab. Kinda badass of you to snatch a binky right out of a baby's mouth.
ALEXIS: BWAHAHAHAHAHA! I didn't have to. The binky was left on the bar counter. It was too easy, really.
BRAD: So can you get me divorced from Rosalie without going to jail for a crime I'm not ready to tell you about yet?
ALEXIS: I can see not wanting to talk about it in a public place like this, but you're going to have to tell me what you did so I can free you from Rosalie.
HAUNTED STAR
DILLON: What's with the fake spiders and Halloween crap on my set?
LULU: It's MY GODDAMN BOAT and I'm kicking YOUR STUPID MOVIE out of here.
MAXIE: Hey, watch it, Lulu! My ACTING CAREER is tied to his stupid movie. No offense, Dillon.
DILLON: This is because I declared my unrequited love to you and kissed you, isn't it? I told you I was sorry.
LULU: No, it's because you trash-talked my husband. AND came on to me. AND kissed me. Go get your Tarantino on somewhere else.
DILLON: But I'm BROKE!
MAXIE: HELLO! What's your last name again?
DILLON: I'm not groveling for more Q cash for this movie, okay.
MAXIE: Fine, then crowdfund it on the interwebs and turn the Halloween party here into a benefit. Lulu would be happy to do that, right bestie?
LULU: I don't think so.
MAXIE: Don't do this for Dillon. Do it for ME! Your best friend in the ENTIRE WORLD!
HOSPITAL
SONNY: I'm itchin' to get outta this hospital bed, Max. Getting a little stir crazy in here.
MAX: Brought you some wedding cannolis. Maybe these'll cheer you up.
SONNY: So who went rogue and offed Rrrrrrriverrrrrrra?
MAX: I'll get on it.
SONNY: Thanks, Max. Oh, here's the doc to spring me from this joint.
PATRICK: No can do, I'm afraid.
SONNY: Say WHAAAAAAAAAT? I gotta get outta here, Patrick! I've got business to do. Coffee to sell. Daughters to get back from female mobsters. I can't do this while I'm stuck in here with wires all up in my personal space.
PATRICK: If I send you home today, you could have another seizure and die.
SONNY: Or I could learn how to walk and become a whole man again. That can't happen while I'm stuck in here chained to a hospital bed.
JULIAN: Hey there, Lucas. How goes it with your wedding plans?
LUCAS: As soon as Brad can get himself out from under Rosalie, we're good to go.
JULIAN: Well, that's great news, son. I just want my kids to be happy. I know somewhere up there in the heavens, your baby brother is smiling down on us.
LUCAS: I really like this mob-free, enlightened version of you, Dad.
KEVIN COLLINS' OFFICE
KEVIN: Anna! Long time, no see. So sorry about Duke.
ANNA: Thank you, Kevin. I'm here because I keep seeing a ghost.
KEVIN: Is it Duke's ghost? If so, give him my best.
ANNA: It's not Duke. It's Carrrrrrrrrrrlos. The man who murdered Duke. The man who I...never mind.
KEVIN: You can tell me, Anna. Doctor-patient confidentiality, you know.
ANNA: I can't go two seconds without hearing gunshots and rolled R's. Carlos is stalking me from the afterlife and now I'm a crazy person and I HATE IT, Kevin. I HATE IT!
KEVIN: Here are some sleeping pills. Take some of these and call me in the morning.
DANTE & LULU'S APARTMENT
OLIVIA: Ned dumped me, Dante. He didn't want to be part of my web of lies about Leo.
DANTE: I'm sorry, Ma. Where is Leo? Hopefully nowhere near Julian.
OLIVIA: Leo is safe. But for how long. I mean, Alexis seemed awfully suspicious the other day when I had him with me. I'm not sure she bought the Mateo story. By the way, one of his binkies is missing.
DANTE: Do you think it's safe to have him in The Chuckles?
OLIVIA: That's where my life is, Dante. It's where my family is. Speaking of family, you look tense. How are things with you and Lulu?
DANTE: Well, things were rocky for awhile but we're going to have another baby and I hope that will fix a lot of what's broken between us.
HOSPITAL
JULIAN: (over phone) Is it done? I need to know if it's done. Thank you.
ALEXIS: Please tell me I didn't hear mob-speak from your end of that conversation.
JULIAN: Want to find out what I was talking about? Come with me.
ALEXIS'S NEW HOUSE
JULIAN: Remember how your old lake house blew up because of me? I got you a new one, but with a pool instead of a lake.
ALEXIS: This house is MINE?
JULIAN: Damn straight it is! And I'm about to throw you a housewarming party.
Monday, October 19, 2015
New Girl In Town
The late teen/early 20s scene just got a little more interesting. Molly's friend and PCU classmate Darby dropped by the Haunted Star and immediately zeroed in on Morgan, who was there to keep an eye on alcoholic-in-the-making Kiki. Poor Kiki really does need some Ghost Silas to give her some comfort/snap her out of her tailspin.
Ned comes back to town and promptly breaks up with Olivia. Baby Uncle Leo has been de-SORASed by a month or two, or recast with a slightly younger baby to reflect the fact that the little guy was, what, 3 months premature probably should look younger than his age. That and he looks more Italian than the Baby Uncle Leo #1. Molly throws some serious shade at Julian and gives her mother some food for thought. Sam and Spinelli reminisce about The Essence of Jason. Jake tries to strong-arm some truth out of Nikolas. Spencer grills his dad on Hayden. Michael learns he's going to be a father.
METROCOURT
ALEXIS: Why hello, my favorite Plan B. What's it like being a rock star's groupie dad?
NED: My fellow gatekeeper! Brook Lynn's tour is bringing back the old Eddie Maine memories. Remember Eddie's Angel?
ALEXIS: I have work to do.
OLIVIA: Hey there, Baby Leo. Sorry I spent so much time with that other baby, the one I was passing off as Mateo. I didn't mean to make you jealous.
BABY UNCLE LEO #2: (translated from Baby) No worries, Ma. As long as you're keeping me safe from my daddy, the big bad probably-not-former-mobster, we're cool. By the way, Mateo's a big-time drooler.
PIER 54
SPINELLI: I'm feeling something in the air tonight. It is the Essence of Jason. All of his atoms and molecules are among us, fair Samantha.
SAM: I should have known you meant Jason was with us in the metaphysical sense. After all, you are Damien Spinelli.
SPINELLI: Shall we commemorate his passing into another realm by gazing skyward and tracing his Stone Coldishness among the constellations?
SAM: OMG! It's a shooting star, Spinelli! That's Jason! I FEEL Jason!
HAUNTED STAR
KIKI: Can I have another round of...whatever it is I ordered? With extra booze this time.
BARTENDER: Hey, aren't you the chick that got banned from The Floating Rib? You're on our watch list, so be careful, and fork over the car keys.
KIKI: Bite me!
MORGAN: Hitting the hooch again, Keeks?
KIKI: Screw off, cheating ex-boyfriend who'd rather bang MY MOTHER!
WYNDEMERE
JAKE: I want answers, Nikolas. NOW! WHO THE BLOODY HELL AM I?
NIKOLAS: You are a very violent man with anger issues.
HAYDEN: Whoa, fake hubby! That's my BOSS you're going Anger Boy on.
JAKE: I know you know who I am, Nikolas. You ran my DNA. I. WANT. ANSWERS. NOW!!!!
NIKOLAS: You're the same frustrated amnesiac you were when you woke up from being run over by an SUV, now get lost or I'll release my grandmother from exile. She knows where you live.
METROCOURT
JULIAN: Let's be a family, alright Molly? Remember how much fun we had putting that scrapbook together for your mom?
MOLLY: Fat chance, Once and Future Mobster.
JULIAN: Here, TJ, thanks for helping me move out of here.
TJ: No thanks, Julian. I don't take blood money.
ALEXIS: So, how's the family togetherness thing working out?
MOLLY: Nice try, Mom. NOT! The dorms can't open up fast enough.
ALEXIS: But Julian has CHANGED, Molly. He's 100% mob-free. You have to believe me.
MOLLY: Tell that to yourself the next time you overhear him on the phone with one of his mobster buddies, using words like, deed, done, hurry, time, and where did we hide the bodies?
WYNDEMERE
HAYDEN: So, what should I wear for my first day of work at ELQ?
NIKOLAS: Anything that does not resemble drapery works for me.
SPENCER: Good evening father, Hayden!
NIKOLAS: Have you forgotten how to tell time, Spencer? Back to bed. Now.
SPENCER: All in good time, father. I must speak with you on a very important matter.
NIKOLAS: Stop talking like your great-grandmother and maybe I'll listen.
HAYDEN: (fake yawning) It's been a long day. I'm turning in. Night, Spencer.
SPENCER: So, father, is Hayden here to stay or is she Britt 2.0?
NIKOLAS: It's a work in progress, son.
SPENCER: Is it okay to like her, because I think I might be over Britt now?
HAUNTED STAR
DARBY: Room for one more?
MORGAN: Do I know you?
DARBY: Maybe, maybe not. I'm Darby and you're kinda hot. I heard you were with some art lady old enough to be your mother. If you ever decide you need a change of pace from cougars, I think we can start something.
MORGAN: Me and the "art lady" are way finished.
MOLLY: Hi cuz, hi Darby. You guys know each other?
DARBY: Now we do.
MORGAN: You two know each other?
DARBY: Totally. Wanna come party with us?
MORGAN: I dunno. Lemme check with my ex. No, not the art lady. The other ex. Art lady's daughter. Hey Keeks, drop the booze and come hang at a PCU party with us.
KIKI: Bite me.
SABRINA'S APARTMENT
SABRINA: Guess what, Michael. I'm preggers!
MICHAEL: Say WHAAAAAAAAT?
SABRINA: I'm with child, Michael. Our child. At least I think it's our child. We'll know for sure when he starts to talk, specifically words with R in them.
MICHAEL: How long have you known?
SABRINA: A few weeks, give or take a month or two.
MICHAEL: You know, I was going to find out eventually.
SABRINA: I was scared I'd get run off the road by one of your dad's enemies and my baby would get run out of my uterus.
MICHAEL: Legitimate concern.
SABRINA: I love you, Michael. Now that you know, let's have this baby!
METROCOURT
NED: Olivia, I have to break up with you.
OLIVIA: Dammit, Ned, I wanted to MARRY YOU!
NED: I can't bring myself to call that kid Mateo all the time. What if I have a middle-aged moment and slip up?
OLIVIA: But I HAVE to keep Leo safe from Big Bad Mobster Daddy!
NED: I get that, but I can't be party to such lies. Been there, done that, and it involved Alexis in drag as a butler.
BABY UNCLE LEO: (Translated from Baby) Why did I have to be born too late to see THAT? And why is Fake Daddy Ned making mommy cry?
JULIAN: I changed my mind about moving in with you, Alexis. Molly still doesn't like me.
ALEXIS: Molly spends most of her time at PCU hanging out with her new party-hopping bestie. You're moving in and that's final.
JULIAN: Fine. I'm hungry. Let's grab some grub.
ALEXIS: I've gotta pee. Be back in a sec.
JULIAN: (over phone) Is the deed done? This is an urgent matter. Time is of the essence. Nobody can know where the bodies are buried?
ALEXIS: (to self) CRAP! Molly was right!
PIER 54
JAKE: No luck with Creepy Cuz.
SAM: Don't worry, Jake. Spinelli's on the case and there's no case that dude can't crack.
JAKE: Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle! A shooting star!
Ned comes back to town and promptly breaks up with Olivia. Baby Uncle Leo has been de-SORASed by a month or two, or recast with a slightly younger baby to reflect the fact that the little guy was, what, 3 months premature probably should look younger than his age. That and he looks more Italian than the Baby Uncle Leo #1. Molly throws some serious shade at Julian and gives her mother some food for thought. Sam and Spinelli reminisce about The Essence of Jason. Jake tries to strong-arm some truth out of Nikolas. Spencer grills his dad on Hayden. Michael learns he's going to be a father.
METROCOURT
ALEXIS: Why hello, my favorite Plan B. What's it like being a rock star's groupie dad?
NED: My fellow gatekeeper! Brook Lynn's tour is bringing back the old Eddie Maine memories. Remember Eddie's Angel?
ALEXIS: I have work to do.
OLIVIA: Hey there, Baby Leo. Sorry I spent so much time with that other baby, the one I was passing off as Mateo. I didn't mean to make you jealous.
BABY UNCLE LEO #2: (translated from Baby) No worries, Ma. As long as you're keeping me safe from my daddy, the big bad probably-not-former-mobster, we're cool. By the way, Mateo's a big-time drooler.
PIER 54
SPINELLI: I'm feeling something in the air tonight. It is the Essence of Jason. All of his atoms and molecules are among us, fair Samantha.
SAM: I should have known you meant Jason was with us in the metaphysical sense. After all, you are Damien Spinelli.
SPINELLI: Shall we commemorate his passing into another realm by gazing skyward and tracing his Stone Coldishness among the constellations?
SAM: OMG! It's a shooting star, Spinelli! That's Jason! I FEEL Jason!
HAUNTED STAR
KIKI: Can I have another round of...whatever it is I ordered? With extra booze this time.
BARTENDER: Hey, aren't you the chick that got banned from The Floating Rib? You're on our watch list, so be careful, and fork over the car keys.
KIKI: Bite me!
MORGAN: Hitting the hooch again, Keeks?
KIKI: Screw off, cheating ex-boyfriend who'd rather bang MY MOTHER!
WYNDEMERE
JAKE: I want answers, Nikolas. NOW! WHO THE BLOODY HELL AM I?
NIKOLAS: You are a very violent man with anger issues.
HAYDEN: Whoa, fake hubby! That's my BOSS you're going Anger Boy on.
JAKE: I know you know who I am, Nikolas. You ran my DNA. I. WANT. ANSWERS. NOW!!!!
NIKOLAS: You're the same frustrated amnesiac you were when you woke up from being run over by an SUV, now get lost or I'll release my grandmother from exile. She knows where you live.
METROCOURT
JULIAN: Let's be a family, alright Molly? Remember how much fun we had putting that scrapbook together for your mom?
MOLLY: Fat chance, Once and Future Mobster.
JULIAN: Here, TJ, thanks for helping me move out of here.
TJ: No thanks, Julian. I don't take blood money.
ALEXIS: So, how's the family togetherness thing working out?
MOLLY: Nice try, Mom. NOT! The dorms can't open up fast enough.
ALEXIS: But Julian has CHANGED, Molly. He's 100% mob-free. You have to believe me.
MOLLY: Tell that to yourself the next time you overhear him on the phone with one of his mobster buddies, using words like, deed, done, hurry, time, and where did we hide the bodies?
WYNDEMERE
HAYDEN: So, what should I wear for my first day of work at ELQ?
NIKOLAS: Anything that does not resemble drapery works for me.
SPENCER: Good evening father, Hayden!
NIKOLAS: Have you forgotten how to tell time, Spencer? Back to bed. Now.
SPENCER: All in good time, father. I must speak with you on a very important matter.
NIKOLAS: Stop talking like your great-grandmother and maybe I'll listen.
HAYDEN: (fake yawning) It's been a long day. I'm turning in. Night, Spencer.
SPENCER: So, father, is Hayden here to stay or is she Britt 2.0?
NIKOLAS: It's a work in progress, son.
SPENCER: Is it okay to like her, because I think I might be over Britt now?
HAUNTED STAR
DARBY: Room for one more?
MORGAN: Do I know you?
DARBY: Maybe, maybe not. I'm Darby and you're kinda hot. I heard you were with some art lady old enough to be your mother. If you ever decide you need a change of pace from cougars, I think we can start something.
MORGAN: Me and the "art lady" are way finished.
MOLLY: Hi cuz, hi Darby. You guys know each other?
DARBY: Now we do.
MORGAN: You two know each other?
DARBY: Totally. Wanna come party with us?
MORGAN: I dunno. Lemme check with my ex. No, not the art lady. The other ex. Art lady's daughter. Hey Keeks, drop the booze and come hang at a PCU party with us.
KIKI: Bite me.
SABRINA'S APARTMENT
SABRINA: Guess what, Michael. I'm preggers!
MICHAEL: Say WHAAAAAAAAT?
SABRINA: I'm with child, Michael. Our child. At least I think it's our child. We'll know for sure when he starts to talk, specifically words with R in them.
MICHAEL: How long have you known?
SABRINA: A few weeks, give or take a month or two.
MICHAEL: You know, I was going to find out eventually.
SABRINA: I was scared I'd get run off the road by one of your dad's enemies and my baby would get run out of my uterus.
MICHAEL: Legitimate concern.
SABRINA: I love you, Michael. Now that you know, let's have this baby!
METROCOURT
NED: Olivia, I have to break up with you.
OLIVIA: Dammit, Ned, I wanted to MARRY YOU!
NED: I can't bring myself to call that kid Mateo all the time. What if I have a middle-aged moment and slip up?
OLIVIA: But I HAVE to keep Leo safe from Big Bad Mobster Daddy!
NED: I get that, but I can't be party to such lies. Been there, done that, and it involved Alexis in drag as a butler.
BABY UNCLE LEO: (Translated from Baby) Why did I have to be born too late to see THAT? And why is Fake Daddy Ned making mommy cry?
JULIAN: I changed my mind about moving in with you, Alexis. Molly still doesn't like me.
ALEXIS: Molly spends most of her time at PCU hanging out with her new party-hopping bestie. You're moving in and that's final.
JULIAN: Fine. I'm hungry. Let's grab some grub.
ALEXIS: I've gotta pee. Be back in a sec.
JULIAN: (over phone) Is the deed done? This is an urgent matter. Time is of the essence. Nobody can know where the bodies are buried?
ALEXIS: (to self) CRAP! Molly was right!
PIER 54
JAKE: No luck with Creepy Cuz.
SAM: Don't worry, Jake. Spinelli's on the case and there's no case that dude can't crack.
JAKE: Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle! A shooting star!
One Year Ago...
The unofficial start of General Hilarity happened one year ago this past Saturday on WubsNet. Here was my inspiration:
Friday, October 16, 2015
Return of the Ghost of Carrrrrrrrrrlos
Halloween may be about two weeks away, but don't tell that to Ghost Carrrrrrrrrlos. He pays another visit and spooks Anna. Spinelli may have cracked the encryption on Nikolas's hard drive, but comes up empty on Jake's identity. Liz antagonizes Hayden. Jordan's pissed when Paul goes over her head in getting Carrrrrrrrlos's autopsy results. Tracy learns that Sabrina's pregnant,
PCPD INTERROGATION ROOM
JORDAN: I know we're like, friends and all, Anna, you need to 'fess up what you know about Carrrrrrrrlos.
PAUL: Looks like this Carrrrrrrrrrlos has been dead about 2 weeks. Here's a thought: Maybe Michael The Junior Mobster did it.
ANNA: (to self) It seems medical examiners aren't what they used to be around here. Carrrrrrrrrlos has been dead for months. What does Paul Hornsby have up his sleeve?
HOSPITAL EXAM ROOM
LIZ: You're not going anywhere, HAYDEN, until you tell me EXACTLY what you know.
HAYDEN: YOU, can call me Ms. Barnes and let me the hell out of this room.
LIZ: It so happens, MIZZ BARNES that you are TOTALLY FAKING your amnesia. How do I know this? Because Patrick said there was nothing wrong with your brain and you refuse to see a shrink, THAT'S WHY!
HAYDEN: Oh PLEASE! You weigh 75 pounds. I could totally just knock you right over and get out of here myself.
LIZ'S HOUSE
SPINELLI: This is a most illuminating electronic correspondence between Nikolas and one top secret laboratory about Jake Doe's genetic sequence being compared to that of another individual.
JAKE: Translation?
SAM: Nikolas had a DNA test run on you and had it compared to someone else's DNA. Whose was it, Spin? Need more deets NOW!
JAKE: I'm not waiting around for more deets. I'm going to go over to Castle Greyskull and bodyslam the truth out of that creepy cousin of yours.
SABRINA'S APARTMENT
TRACY: Pregnant much?
SABRINA: You sure like to cut right to the chase, don't you, Tracy?
TRACY: I'm merely putting two and two together. You're buying shirts from the Maternity department of the Sad Robe Store and going through kleenexes like the apocolypse is nigh. Ergo: Pregnant. What does Michael say? Please don't tell me the kid's last name will be Corinthos!
SABRINA: I've been so busy with pre-partum depression and grieving Carrrrrrrrrlos that I haven't gotten around to telling Michael.
TRACY: Here's a suggestion: Move it to the top of your to-do list.
PCPD
JORDAN: D.A. Hornsby, I sure wouldn't want to be on a dance floor with you, stepping on my toes like that with the autopsy report. You stick to D.A.-ing and I'll stick to commishing, got it?
PAUL: Gee, I'm sorry Commish, if I stepped on your toes in the process of going over your head. I'll try to rein in my power tripping a little more around this place.
JORDAN: (to self) Keep an eye on this one.
WYNDEMERE
HAYDEN: Ever consider muzzling that friend of yours, Elizabeth? She's like a little chihuahua, yipping and yapping at me about knowing some SECRET about Jake.
NIKOLAS: Here's something to keep your mind off of Elizabeth: Come work for me at ELQ.
HAYDEN: Doing what? I've forgotten what I'm good at.
NIKOLAS: You're good at not remembering who Jake Doe is, so that's a start.
HOSPITAL EXAM ROOM
ANNA: I need sleeping pills, Patrick. The Ghost of Carrrrrrrrlos is keeping me up at all hours of the night.
PATRICK: Here's Kevin Collins' card. Aside from being the hospital's only shrink, he's also a helluva Ghostbuster.
WYNDEMERE
HAYDEN: (over phone) Guess who's the newest ELQ employee doing a yet-to-be determined job?
JAKE: Dammit, Nikolas, WHO THE BLOODY HELL AM I????
PIER 54
SPINELLI: Jason was my first friend who was not of the cyber nature. I feel his essence surrounding me. Somewhere out there, beneath the pale moonlight...
SAM: (to herself) Can I still get my dragon and phoenix back?
GHOST CARRRRRRRRRRRLOS: Anna! Aaaaaaaaannaaaaaa! Ghost Carrrrrrrrrrlos is feeling lonely.
ANNA: AAAGGGGHHH (runs away)
PCPD INTERROGATION ROOM
JORDAN: I know we're like, friends and all, Anna, you need to 'fess up what you know about Carrrrrrrrlos.
PAUL: Looks like this Carrrrrrrrrrlos has been dead about 2 weeks. Here's a thought: Maybe Michael The Junior Mobster did it.
ANNA: (to self) It seems medical examiners aren't what they used to be around here. Carrrrrrrrrlos has been dead for months. What does Paul Hornsby have up his sleeve?
HOSPITAL EXAM ROOM
LIZ: You're not going anywhere, HAYDEN, until you tell me EXACTLY what you know.
HAYDEN: YOU, can call me Ms. Barnes and let me the hell out of this room.
LIZ: It so happens, MIZZ BARNES that you are TOTALLY FAKING your amnesia. How do I know this? Because Patrick said there was nothing wrong with your brain and you refuse to see a shrink, THAT'S WHY!
HAYDEN: Oh PLEASE! You weigh 75 pounds. I could totally just knock you right over and get out of here myself.
LIZ'S HOUSE
SPINELLI: This is a most illuminating electronic correspondence between Nikolas and one top secret laboratory about Jake Doe's genetic sequence being compared to that of another individual.
JAKE: Translation?
SAM: Nikolas had a DNA test run on you and had it compared to someone else's DNA. Whose was it, Spin? Need more deets NOW!
JAKE: I'm not waiting around for more deets. I'm going to go over to Castle Greyskull and bodyslam the truth out of that creepy cousin of yours.
SABRINA'S APARTMENT
TRACY: Pregnant much?
SABRINA: You sure like to cut right to the chase, don't you, Tracy?
TRACY: I'm merely putting two and two together. You're buying shirts from the Maternity department of the Sad Robe Store and going through kleenexes like the apocolypse is nigh. Ergo: Pregnant. What does Michael say? Please don't tell me the kid's last name will be Corinthos!
SABRINA: I've been so busy with pre-partum depression and grieving Carrrrrrrrrlos that I haven't gotten around to telling Michael.
TRACY: Here's a suggestion: Move it to the top of your to-do list.
PCPD
JORDAN: D.A. Hornsby, I sure wouldn't want to be on a dance floor with you, stepping on my toes like that with the autopsy report. You stick to D.A.-ing and I'll stick to commishing, got it?
PAUL: Gee, I'm sorry Commish, if I stepped on your toes in the process of going over your head. I'll try to rein in my power tripping a little more around this place.
JORDAN: (to self) Keep an eye on this one.
WYNDEMERE
HAYDEN: Ever consider muzzling that friend of yours, Elizabeth? She's like a little chihuahua, yipping and yapping at me about knowing some SECRET about Jake.
NIKOLAS: Here's something to keep your mind off of Elizabeth: Come work for me at ELQ.
HAYDEN: Doing what? I've forgotten what I'm good at.
NIKOLAS: You're good at not remembering who Jake Doe is, so that's a start.
HOSPITAL EXAM ROOM
ANNA: I need sleeping pills, Patrick. The Ghost of Carrrrrrrrlos is keeping me up at all hours of the night.
PATRICK: Here's Kevin Collins' card. Aside from being the hospital's only shrink, he's also a helluva Ghostbuster.
WYNDEMERE
HAYDEN: (over phone) Guess who's the newest ELQ employee doing a yet-to-be determined job?
JAKE: Dammit, Nikolas, WHO THE BLOODY HELL AM I????
PIER 54
SPINELLI: Jason was my first friend who was not of the cyber nature. I feel his essence surrounding me. Somewhere out there, beneath the pale moonlight...
SAM: (to herself) Can I still get my dragon and phoenix back?
GHOST CARRRRRRRRRRRLOS: Anna! Aaaaaaaaannaaaaaa! Ghost Carrrrrrrrrrlos is feeling lonely.
ANNA: AAAGGGGHHH (runs away)
Thursday, October 15, 2015
You Can Trust Meeeee!
Maxie tells Nathan about Dillon's unrequited love for Lulu and expects Nathan to come clean with his secret. Sam calls on Spinelli to help her and Jake crack the encryption on Nikolas's computer. Hayden asks Patrick why her memory is still AWOL. Dante confronts Dillon about kissing Lulu. Lulu gets good news from her doctor and pays a visit to the chapel, where she runs into Nikolas.
PCPD
DANTE: Stay away from my wife, movie boy.
DILLON: All I did was kiss Lulu. You went all the way with Valerie!
DANTE: You know this how?
DILLON: Val and I had a little confession session with each other because we both are in love with people who don't love us back. Only I DIDN'T SLEEP WITH LULU, YOU CHEATIN' SCOUNDREL!
HOSPITAL EXAM ROOM
PATRICK: Your MRI was clean, Hayden. Why aren't you remembering stuff?
HAYDEN: You tell me. YOU'RE the doctor.
PATRICK: I think you're suppressing the memories and need to be hypnotized by a shrink. Here's Kevin Collins' card.
HAYDEN: I don't do hypnosis. Your shrink friend might have me quacking like a duck.
PATRICK: Hey, it's your memory.
LIZ: You lying SKANK! I bet you're FAKING your memory loss.
HOSPITAL CHAPEL
LULU: Thank you, God, for giving me a functioning uterus.
NIKOLAS: Hey there, little sis.
LULU: Hey, there, ELQ-stealing big brother. What brings you here?
NIKOLAS: Hayden's getting her head examined.
LULU: Hayden, a.k.a. Britt 2.0?
NIKOLAS: I sure as hell don't trust Hayden, but I think I'm in love with her. As long as she doesn't get her memory back.
LIZ'S HOUSE
JAKE: There's something wrong with this flash drive. It's full of gobbledygook.
SAM: I've got that covered. Get the door.
JAKE: Spaghetti?
SPINELLI: Greetings, fair Samantha and the doppleganger of my late, great Stone Cold! Jackal at your service!
SAM: Do your thing, Spinelli! Crack this code so Jake can find out who he really is.
SPINELLI: Zounds! I have stumbled upon some most intriguing information!
SAM AND JAKE: What is it?
SPINELLI: Behold...(shows Sam and Jake the computer)
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
MAXIE: I did something really stupid.
NATHAN: Go on...
MAXIE: I got in Valerie's face about her being preggers with Dillon's kid.
NATHAN: She really needs to spring for the brand name Twizzlers. You never know what will happen with the fake stuff.
MAXIE: In other news, Dillon's hot for Lulu.
NATHAN: Fat chance, broke man's Spielberg!
MAXIE: I told my secret. Your turn.
NATHAN: Fat chance, loose-lipped girlfriend.
MAXIE: Come OOOOON! You can trust MEEEEEE!
NATHAN: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
PCPD
DANTE: Stay away from my wife, movie boy.
DILLON: All I did was kiss Lulu. You went all the way with Valerie!
DANTE: You know this how?
DILLON: Val and I had a little confession session with each other because we both are in love with people who don't love us back. Only I DIDN'T SLEEP WITH LULU, YOU CHEATIN' SCOUNDREL!
HOSPITAL EXAM ROOM
PATRICK: Your MRI was clean, Hayden. Why aren't you remembering stuff?
HAYDEN: You tell me. YOU'RE the doctor.
PATRICK: I think you're suppressing the memories and need to be hypnotized by a shrink. Here's Kevin Collins' card.
HAYDEN: I don't do hypnosis. Your shrink friend might have me quacking like a duck.
PATRICK: Hey, it's your memory.
LIZ: You lying SKANK! I bet you're FAKING your memory loss.
HOSPITAL CHAPEL
LULU: Thank you, God, for giving me a functioning uterus.
NIKOLAS: Hey there, little sis.
LULU: Hey, there, ELQ-stealing big brother. What brings you here?
NIKOLAS: Hayden's getting her head examined.
LULU: Hayden, a.k.a. Britt 2.0?
NIKOLAS: I sure as hell don't trust Hayden, but I think I'm in love with her. As long as she doesn't get her memory back.
LIZ'S HOUSE
JAKE: There's something wrong with this flash drive. It's full of gobbledygook.
SAM: I've got that covered. Get the door.
JAKE: Spaghetti?
SPINELLI: Greetings, fair Samantha and the doppleganger of my late, great Stone Cold! Jackal at your service!
SAM: Do your thing, Spinelli! Crack this code so Jake can find out who he really is.
SPINELLI: Zounds! I have stumbled upon some most intriguing information!
SAM AND JAKE: What is it?
SPINELLI: Behold...(shows Sam and Jake the computer)
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
MAXIE: I did something really stupid.
NATHAN: Go on...
MAXIE: I got in Valerie's face about her being preggers with Dillon's kid.
NATHAN: She really needs to spring for the brand name Twizzlers. You never know what will happen with the fake stuff.
MAXIE: In other news, Dillon's hot for Lulu.
NATHAN: Fat chance, broke man's Spielberg!
MAXIE: I told my secret. Your turn.
NATHAN: Fat chance, loose-lipped girlfriend.
MAXIE: Come OOOOON! You can trust MEEEEEE!
NATHAN: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
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