Screencap from Lisa's GH Screencaps
Monday, November 23, 2015
You Can't Kill A Cassadine! You Just CAN'T!!!!!
So Helena supposedly kicks the bucket and punches her ticket to whatever circle of hell Mikkos is in for freezing the world. Except she's a Cassadine and this is Port Chuckles and Cassadines specialize in death-simulating drugs, so yeah... It was great to see Constance Towers again and I'm gonna miss her something fierce like I always do when Helena dies/gets sent to prison/exiled to Antarctica or Greece.
Back in The Chuckles or thereabouts, Morgan's getting nuttier by the minute and Kiki's scared out of her wits, so she calls Michael for help. Anna 'fesses up to the very handsome Dr. Maddox about offing Carrrrrrrrrrrlos, only Carrrrrrrrrrlos isn't quite as dead has he seems. Because Port Chuckles... Sonny and Epiphany have a heart-to-heart at the gym. Sabrina nearly spills the beans to Michael about Carrrrrrrrlos possibly being the baby's father, then gets a visitor who knocks her off her feet.
CASSADINE ISLAND
JASON: So, am I gonna get my memory back or what?
HELENA: How should I know? I cannot take credit for erasing your memory. The driver of that SUV who saw fit to use you as a speed bump was responsible for that. I really should send said driver a Thank You card. He, or she, made it all the easier for me to install your conditioning.
JASON: Install? Am I just one big Ipad to you?
HELENA: Ah, Mr. Morgan, you are most amusing!
SAM: Come on crazy step-granny. Just give Jason his memories back so we can get the hell out of this house of horrors.
HELENA: Would you like another curse, you bastard of a bastard?
CABIN
MORGAN: Them cops are after us, Kiki! THEY'RE AFTER US! Imma go skeer 'em away!
KIKI: Step AWAY from the Red Bull, Morgan.
MORGAN: (gun in hand, goes out the front door and starts shooting) Oooo I hate dem wabbits! BANG!
KIKI: OMG! He shot someone!
MORGAN: (comes back into the cabin) Calm down, it was just a wabbit!
KIKI: You murdered a bunny rabbit????
MORGAN: I hear more noises. We gots to keel dem for real dis time! (leaves again)
KIKI: (over phone) Michael, I need your help. Morgan is Looney Tunes. Literally. He actually said "wabbit".
DR. MADDOX'S OFFICE
DR. MADDOX: What is it you are really running from Ms. Devane?
ANNA: I told you, the ghost of Carrrrrrrlos--I mean my grief for Duke--I mean the creepy new D.A.--I mean...DAMMIT, I KILLED CARRRRRRRRRRRRLOS!
DR. MADDOX: Ding ding ding! Do we have a breakthrough or what?
ANNA: You're not going to rat me out to the police force I used to run now, are you?
DR. MADDOX: I'm playing the confidentiality card on this one. After all, if you can't trust your shrink, who can you trust? Do you trust me, Ms. Devane?
ANNA: I'm getting there.
DR. MADDOX: I guess that's progress.
SABRINA'S APARTMENT
MICHAEL: Being a dad is going to be so awesome. I've already had Brand Spankin' New Q onesies specially made for him, or her.
SABRINA: Um, about that. Michael, I...uh...there's something...(Michael's phone rings)
MICHAEL: (picks up phone) Kiki? What about Morgan? He's turned into Sylvester the Cat and he scratched you? I'll be right there! (to Sabrina) Sorry, Sabs. I have to go. My brother's gone cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!
GYM
CARLY: I think Morgan's cray cray dial is ratcheting up to some dangerous levels, Sonny. I tried to get him to see a shrink, but he wasn't having it.
MICHAEL: We gotta go find Morgan, Mom! Kiki called and said he's off his rocker.
SONNY: Where the hell is he?
MICHAEL: Somewhere thataway of Rte 31. I'm on my way there.
CARLY: I'm coming with.
SONNY: What am I supposed to do? Just sit back in this GODDAMN WHEELCHAIR and wait for my kid to self-destruct????
CASSADINE ISLAND
HELENA: Mr. Morgan, why do you bother with these two tedious women? Your wife is a bastard's bastard and your fiancee is an insipid trollop.
NIKOLAS: (to himself, while looking at his watch) What's taking this damn poison so long. Hurry up and croak, grandmother, before you out me and Liz for knowing about Jason.
JASON: Still waiting for answers, Hells Bells.
HELENA: Why of course you are, Mr. Morgan. I shall...I shall tell...you...every ---
JASON: Helena?
NIKOLAS: Grandmother?
SAM: Very funny, step-granny. We get it. You Punk'd us. You can wake up now.
LIZ: I know CPR!
DOC: Yeah, she's a goner.
DEAD HELENA: Really? You PLEBES think you can kill a Cassadine? Your naivete is most amusing.
CABIN:
MORGAN: All that wabbit-hunting has turned me on, Tweety. Let's make like the birds and the bees.
KIKI: OMG, Morgan! You are more bonkers than Franco and Nina COMBINED!
CARLY: Morgan, what the hell do you think you're doing?
MORGAN: Mom? Who called Mom? Mikey? What are YOU doing here?
KIKI: Sorry, Morgan. I had to tell them you flipped your lid because you were scaring the crap out of me.
CARLY: You need help, Morgan.
MORGAN: I ain't seein' no stinkin' SHRINK, Mom. I have converted to SCIENTOLOGY!
MICHAEL: Come on, Morgan. That's BS and you know it. We're here to help you. This is an INTERVENTION.
MORGAN: Nobody intervenes on THE CAPTAIN. NO-BODY!
GYM
SONNY: It's all my fault Morgan's gone bananas. I gave him this bipolar thing to begin with.
EPIPHANY: It's not like you had a choice. Just like I didn't have a choice when I lost Stan.
SONNY: Yeah, I'm sorry about that, Epiphany. If I lost one of my kids, they'd have to put me in a rubber room.
CASSADINE ISLAND
JASON: You killed her, Nikky. You killed your own grandmother so she wouldn't rat you out.
NIKOLAS: Since when did YOU give a crap about my grandmother? Since you wanted something from her? It's like you're a totally different person now, Jason. You might as well be Jake Doe.
JASON: Dem's fightin' words! (attacks Nikolas)
LIZ: Come on, Jason. Let's go home and forget about remembering.
NIKOLAS: So, grandmother, how did you find your tea? A little strong for you? Don't you hate when unfortunate peasants put a little something-something in there that you didn't ask for?
DEAD HELENA: Poisoning Granny wasn't the wisest move you've ever made, my darling. You know how cross I get! I can still curse you from the afterlife, or when I come back for another visit on this dreary planet. Ta-ta, prodigal grandson.
PIER 54
ANNA: Carrrrrrrrrlos? Why don't you give this haunting me thing a rest? I already told my shrink what I did to you.
SABRINA'S APARTMENT
CARLOS: Zabrrrrrrrrrrina! I'm baaaaaaaaack! You'll never guess who I met on my trip to the '70s! Time travel heals all gunshot wounds to the chest.
SABRINA: Carrrrrr--(faints)
Back in The Chuckles or thereabouts, Morgan's getting nuttier by the minute and Kiki's scared out of her wits, so she calls Michael for help. Anna 'fesses up to the very handsome Dr. Maddox about offing Carrrrrrrrrrrlos, only Carrrrrrrrrrlos isn't quite as dead has he seems. Because Port Chuckles... Sonny and Epiphany have a heart-to-heart at the gym. Sabrina nearly spills the beans to Michael about Carrrrrrrrlos possibly being the baby's father, then gets a visitor who knocks her off her feet.
CASSADINE ISLAND
JASON: So, am I gonna get my memory back or what?
HELENA: How should I know? I cannot take credit for erasing your memory. The driver of that SUV who saw fit to use you as a speed bump was responsible for that. I really should send said driver a Thank You card. He, or she, made it all the easier for me to install your conditioning.
JASON: Install? Am I just one big Ipad to you?
HELENA: Ah, Mr. Morgan, you are most amusing!
SAM: Come on crazy step-granny. Just give Jason his memories back so we can get the hell out of this house of horrors.
HELENA: Would you like another curse, you bastard of a bastard?
CABIN
MORGAN: Them cops are after us, Kiki! THEY'RE AFTER US! Imma go skeer 'em away!
KIKI: Step AWAY from the Red Bull, Morgan.
MORGAN: (gun in hand, goes out the front door and starts shooting) Oooo I hate dem wabbits! BANG!
KIKI: OMG! He shot someone!
MORGAN: (comes back into the cabin) Calm down, it was just a wabbit!
KIKI: You murdered a bunny rabbit????
MORGAN: I hear more noises. We gots to keel dem for real dis time! (leaves again)
KIKI: (over phone) Michael, I need your help. Morgan is Looney Tunes. Literally. He actually said "wabbit".
DR. MADDOX'S OFFICE
DR. MADDOX: What is it you are really running from Ms. Devane?
ANNA: I told you, the ghost of Carrrrrrrlos--I mean my grief for Duke--I mean the creepy new D.A.--I mean...DAMMIT, I KILLED CARRRRRRRRRRRRLOS!
DR. MADDOX: Ding ding ding! Do we have a breakthrough or what?
ANNA: You're not going to rat me out to the police force I used to run now, are you?
DR. MADDOX: I'm playing the confidentiality card on this one. After all, if you can't trust your shrink, who can you trust? Do you trust me, Ms. Devane?
ANNA: I'm getting there.
DR. MADDOX: I guess that's progress.
SABRINA'S APARTMENT
MICHAEL: Being a dad is going to be so awesome. I've already had Brand Spankin' New Q onesies specially made for him, or her.
SABRINA: Um, about that. Michael, I...uh...there's something...(Michael's phone rings)
MICHAEL: (picks up phone) Kiki? What about Morgan? He's turned into Sylvester the Cat and he scratched you? I'll be right there! (to Sabrina) Sorry, Sabs. I have to go. My brother's gone cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!
GYM
CARLY: I think Morgan's cray cray dial is ratcheting up to some dangerous levels, Sonny. I tried to get him to see a shrink, but he wasn't having it.
MICHAEL: We gotta go find Morgan, Mom! Kiki called and said he's off his rocker.
SONNY: Where the hell is he?
MICHAEL: Somewhere thataway of Rte 31. I'm on my way there.
CARLY: I'm coming with.
SONNY: What am I supposed to do? Just sit back in this GODDAMN WHEELCHAIR and wait for my kid to self-destruct????
CASSADINE ISLAND
HELENA: Mr. Morgan, why do you bother with these two tedious women? Your wife is a bastard's bastard and your fiancee is an insipid trollop.
NIKOLAS: (to himself, while looking at his watch) What's taking this damn poison so long. Hurry up and croak, grandmother, before you out me and Liz for knowing about Jason.
JASON: Still waiting for answers, Hells Bells.
HELENA: Why of course you are, Mr. Morgan. I shall...I shall tell...you...every ---
JASON: Helena?
NIKOLAS: Grandmother?
SAM: Very funny, step-granny. We get it. You Punk'd us. You can wake up now.
LIZ: I know CPR!
DOC: Yeah, she's a goner.
DEAD HELENA: Really? You PLEBES think you can kill a Cassadine? Your naivete is most amusing.
CABIN:
MORGAN: All that wabbit-hunting has turned me on, Tweety. Let's make like the birds and the bees.
KIKI: OMG, Morgan! You are more bonkers than Franco and Nina COMBINED!
CARLY: Morgan, what the hell do you think you're doing?
MORGAN: Mom? Who called Mom? Mikey? What are YOU doing here?
KIKI: Sorry, Morgan. I had to tell them you flipped your lid because you were scaring the crap out of me.
CARLY: You need help, Morgan.
MORGAN: I ain't seein' no stinkin' SHRINK, Mom. I have converted to SCIENTOLOGY!
MICHAEL: Come on, Morgan. That's BS and you know it. We're here to help you. This is an INTERVENTION.
MORGAN: Nobody intervenes on THE CAPTAIN. NO-BODY!
GYM
SONNY: It's all my fault Morgan's gone bananas. I gave him this bipolar thing to begin with.
EPIPHANY: It's not like you had a choice. Just like I didn't have a choice when I lost Stan.
SONNY: Yeah, I'm sorry about that, Epiphany. If I lost one of my kids, they'd have to put me in a rubber room.
CASSADINE ISLAND
JASON: You killed her, Nikky. You killed your own grandmother so she wouldn't rat you out.
NIKOLAS: Since when did YOU give a crap about my grandmother? Since you wanted something from her? It's like you're a totally different person now, Jason. You might as well be Jake Doe.
JASON: Dem's fightin' words! (attacks Nikolas)
LIZ: Come on, Jason. Let's go home and forget about remembering.
NIKOLAS: So, grandmother, how did you find your tea? A little strong for you? Don't you hate when unfortunate peasants put a little something-something in there that you didn't ask for?
DEAD HELENA: Poisoning Granny wasn't the wisest move you've ever made, my darling. You know how cross I get! I can still curse you from the afterlife, or when I come back for another visit on this dreary planet. Ta-ta, prodigal grandson.
PIER 54
ANNA: Carrrrrrrrrlos? Why don't you give this haunting me thing a rest? I already told my shrink what I did to you.
SABRINA'S APARTMENT
CARLOS: Zabrrrrrrrrrrina! I'm baaaaaaaaack! You'll never guess who I met on my trip to the '70s! Time travel heals all gunshot wounds to the chest.
SABRINA: Carrrrrr--(faints)
Friday, November 20, 2015
I CURSE You!
Oxygen tank be damned, Helena can still deliver a curse like nobody else. Sam is on the receiving end when she taunts the bedridden, but quite talkative Queen of The Damned. Franco gets passive-aggressive with Nina when she rats out Kiki to her cop brother Nathan. Morgan's cray-cray dial is ratcheting up to disturbing levels as he and Kiki escape to a cabin in the woods. Carly talks to Patrick about Sam. Epiphany takes a wheelchair-bound Sonny to his boxing gym.
CASSADINE ISLAND
JASON: Start talking, lady. Gimme back my memories NOW!
HELENA: So impatient, Mr. Morgan! Here I am basking in all of this attention and you want me to hurry it along as if you are faced with the overwhelming urge to relieve yourself?
SAM: That's Cassadine for "Whatsamatter? You have to go pee or something?"
HELENA: Samantha Morgan, I'd thank you to refrain from speaking such vulgarities, however far removed your bastard branch is from the true Cassadine family tree.
PCPD
NINA: Kiki did it.
NATHAN: And I'm Jabba The Hutt. Come on, sis. It was Franco's car. Franco did it. Case closed.
NINA: Hello? Kiki LIVES with us. She swiped Franco's keys when she was blotto and drove to the Haunted Star. Right, Franco?
FRANCO: Sorry. My hearing aid's not on.
NINA: (shouting) I SAID KIKI DID IT AND YOU'RE INNOCENT, FRANCO. IN-NO-CENT!
FRANCO: Je ne parle pas l'anglais. Je m'appelle Francois. Comment allez-vous? (Translation: I don't speak English. My name is Francois. How are you?)
CABIN
MORGAN: Are you ready, Kiki? Are you ready to go fishin' and huntin' and swimmin' and skiin', and hikin', kayakin' with Captain Morgan!
KIKI: Red bull much, Captain?
MORGAN: Come on, Keeks! You'll never know the thrill of catching the big one until you try.
KIKI: Whose place is this anyway?
MORGAN: You know my dad. His mob money has bought him houses even I don't know about. Maybe this is one of them.
HOSPITAL
CARLY: Distracted much, Patrick?
PATRICK: Sam's off chasin' Jason in Greece.
CARLY: Wait, Jason's in GREECE? What's he doing there, trying to strangle his lost memories out of Helena?
PATRICK: Pretty much. And if Helena coughs them up, then I can kiss my life with Sam goodbye.
CARLY: If he was going to jump on a plane to another country, why didn't he invite ME????
GYM
SONNY: What is my wheelchair-bound ass doing here?
EPIPHANY: Ever heard of a field trip?
SONNY: Is making me depressed supposed to be therapeutic?
EPIPHANY: We came here to teach you how to FIGHT because obviously you've forgotten.
CASSADINE ISLAND
SAM: Are you JEALOUS because your beloved Mikkos knocked my grandmother up with my mom because he didn't feel like climbing into bed with YOU?
HELENA: I CURSE YOU, SAMANTHA MORGAN!
JASON: Whoa, Hells Bells. Don't go cursing my supposed wife-turned-adventure buddy!
HELENA: My my! It appears our circus has encountered some rather tedious sideshows.
LIZ: Helena, you're a frail, dying baddie hooked up to oxygen. Save your last few breaths and let us all go.
HELENA: Elizabeth Webber, you are an insipid little trollop who is incapable of comprehending what I am about to reveal to Mr. Morgan. AFTER I partake of my afternoon tea. Nikolas, darling, I must have my tea at once.
PCPD
NATHAN: Well, look what we have here. Sis, you were right. It was Kiki behind the wheel.
FRANCO: Ever heard of Halloween? I was feeling groovy so I broke out my blond wig and bellbottoms and dressed up like Marcia Brady.
NINA: I never cared for Marcia. I was more of a Jan. What do you think about Jan, Franco?
FRANCO: I'm all about Marcia. She would never throw Cindy under the bus like Jan would.
NINA: Marcia Marcia Marcia! Are you breaking up with me? Because when Silas and I would fight, I was always afraid he would break up with me and go back with that slut A-VA!
CABIN
KIKI: (over the phone with Franco) Franco, is that you?
FRANCO: Run, Kiki, RUN! They're after you!
KIKI: OMG!
MORGAN: Man, that was one invigorating dip in the ice-cold lake. I feel ALIIIIIIIIVE! Your turn, Keeks!
KIKI: (pukes all over Morgan) BLEEEECCCCHHHHHAAAAGHHH The guilt! It's eating me alive! I have to 'fess up.
MORGAN: (grabs hunting rifle and loads it) I hear a noise. It's the cops. They're comin' after us. I'LL PROTECT YOU, KIKI!!!!
GYM
PATRICK: I could punch somebody right now.
SONNY: I know the feeling, doc.
PATRICK: Don't worry, Sonny. I don't make it a habit of punching my patients. But your buddy Jason, on the other hand, I'm going to pretend like that punching bag is him.
SONNY: Watch the hands, doc. You saved my life with those hands.
CARLY: Where's Morgan? The cops are after him.
CASSADINE ISLAND
JASON: Time's a-wastin' Helena. You could croak at any minute, despite all appearances to the contrary. Start talking already!
HELENA: Are you SURE you want to hear EVERY harrowing, quite possibly DISTURBING detail from the moment my associates pulled you from the harbor? The information you are about to receive will be most CHILLING.
CASSADINE ISLAND
JASON: Start talking, lady. Gimme back my memories NOW!
HELENA: So impatient, Mr. Morgan! Here I am basking in all of this attention and you want me to hurry it along as if you are faced with the overwhelming urge to relieve yourself?
SAM: That's Cassadine for "Whatsamatter? You have to go pee or something?"
HELENA: Samantha Morgan, I'd thank you to refrain from speaking such vulgarities, however far removed your bastard branch is from the true Cassadine family tree.
PCPD
NINA: Kiki did it.
NATHAN: And I'm Jabba The Hutt. Come on, sis. It was Franco's car. Franco did it. Case closed.
NINA: Hello? Kiki LIVES with us. She swiped Franco's keys when she was blotto and drove to the Haunted Star. Right, Franco?
FRANCO: Sorry. My hearing aid's not on.
NINA: (shouting) I SAID KIKI DID IT AND YOU'RE INNOCENT, FRANCO. IN-NO-CENT!
FRANCO: Je ne parle pas l'anglais. Je m'appelle Francois. Comment allez-vous? (Translation: I don't speak English. My name is Francois. How are you?)
CABIN
MORGAN: Are you ready, Kiki? Are you ready to go fishin' and huntin' and swimmin' and skiin', and hikin', kayakin' with Captain Morgan!
KIKI: Red bull much, Captain?
MORGAN: Come on, Keeks! You'll never know the thrill of catching the big one until you try.
KIKI: Whose place is this anyway?
MORGAN: You know my dad. His mob money has bought him houses even I don't know about. Maybe this is one of them.
HOSPITAL
CARLY: Distracted much, Patrick?
PATRICK: Sam's off chasin' Jason in Greece.
CARLY: Wait, Jason's in GREECE? What's he doing there, trying to strangle his lost memories out of Helena?
PATRICK: Pretty much. And if Helena coughs them up, then I can kiss my life with Sam goodbye.
CARLY: If he was going to jump on a plane to another country, why didn't he invite ME????
GYM
SONNY: What is my wheelchair-bound ass doing here?
EPIPHANY: Ever heard of a field trip?
SONNY: Is making me depressed supposed to be therapeutic?
EPIPHANY: We came here to teach you how to FIGHT because obviously you've forgotten.
CASSADINE ISLAND
SAM: Are you JEALOUS because your beloved Mikkos knocked my grandmother up with my mom because he didn't feel like climbing into bed with YOU?
HELENA: I CURSE YOU, SAMANTHA MORGAN!
JASON: Whoa, Hells Bells. Don't go cursing my supposed wife-turned-adventure buddy!
HELENA: My my! It appears our circus has encountered some rather tedious sideshows.
LIZ: Helena, you're a frail, dying baddie hooked up to oxygen. Save your last few breaths and let us all go.
HELENA: Elizabeth Webber, you are an insipid little trollop who is incapable of comprehending what I am about to reveal to Mr. Morgan. AFTER I partake of my afternoon tea. Nikolas, darling, I must have my tea at once.
PCPD
NATHAN: Well, look what we have here. Sis, you were right. It was Kiki behind the wheel.
FRANCO: Ever heard of Halloween? I was feeling groovy so I broke out my blond wig and bellbottoms and dressed up like Marcia Brady.
NINA: I never cared for Marcia. I was more of a Jan. What do you think about Jan, Franco?
FRANCO: I'm all about Marcia. She would never throw Cindy under the bus like Jan would.
NINA: Marcia Marcia Marcia! Are you breaking up with me? Because when Silas and I would fight, I was always afraid he would break up with me and go back with that slut A-VA!
CABIN
KIKI: (over the phone with Franco) Franco, is that you?
FRANCO: Run, Kiki, RUN! They're after you!
KIKI: OMG!
MORGAN: Man, that was one invigorating dip in the ice-cold lake. I feel ALIIIIIIIIVE! Your turn, Keeks!
KIKI: (pukes all over Morgan) BLEEEECCCCHHHHHAAAAGHHH The guilt! It's eating me alive! I have to 'fess up.
MORGAN: (grabs hunting rifle and loads it) I hear a noise. It's the cops. They're comin' after us. I'LL PROTECT YOU, KIKI!!!!
GYM
PATRICK: I could punch somebody right now.
SONNY: I know the feeling, doc.
PATRICK: Don't worry, Sonny. I don't make it a habit of punching my patients. But your buddy Jason, on the other hand, I'm going to pretend like that punching bag is him.
SONNY: Watch the hands, doc. You saved my life with those hands.
CARLY: Where's Morgan? The cops are after him.
CASSADINE ISLAND
JASON: Time's a-wastin' Helena. You could croak at any minute, despite all appearances to the contrary. Start talking already!
HELENA: Are you SURE you want to hear EVERY harrowing, quite possibly DISTURBING detail from the moment my associates pulled you from the harbor? The information you are about to receive will be most CHILLING.
Thursday, November 19, 2015
What A Conundrum!
Words spoken by the bedridden, oxygen tank-dependent, but still chic and glamorous Helena Cassadine when her goons brought in Sam and Liz. Can we ever get a scene with Helena and Spinelli. It would be a linguistic coup, that's for sure.
Liz and Sam have a spat on the flight over to Greece. Nina is appalled that Franco would get himself sent to prison to save Kiki. Morgan talks Kiki out of confessing to causing the accident. Hayden gives Shawn some good news.
PCPD INTERROGATION ROOM
NINA: What the what? Jay, you can't arrest Franco. We're normal people now.
NATHAN: I can arrest Franco, sis, and I did. We have photographic evidence that he is the one who ran Carly Corinthos off the road and could have killed her.
FRANCO: That's funny. Nina and I stayed in on Halloween night watching horror movies, handing out pre-screened candy and yelling at Kiki's mother.
NATHAN: So it was a ghost driving your car on Rte 31 that night?
FRANCO: Hey, there's no shortage of those in this town. Some of them even have accents and roll their Rs. (to self) CRAP! It was Kiki who was driving my car and she was drunk as a skunk! I can't let Kiki go to jail. I'm her fake father! (to Nathan) Wait! I took a late night drive. Yeah, that's it. I had to get Freddy Kreuger out of my head so I drove on Rte 31.
PENTONVILLE
HAYDEN: Remember me? I'm the woman you got sent up the river for shooting.
SHAWN: Of all the times for me to miss my mark. I'm sorry, Ms. Barnes.
HAYDEN: No sweat. I was in a coma for a few months, so it gave me a convenient excuse to fake some memory loss. By the way, I have some good news. You didn't shoot me.
SHAWN: Well, I sure as hell didn't shoot Jake Doe.
HAYDEN: Yeah, about that. Jake Doe isn't Jake Doe anymore. He's Jason Morgan.
SHAWN: Say WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT???
CASSADINE ISLAND
JASON: (sliding down the rope) It's a good thing I read the MacGyver Guide to Badass Entrances on the flight over. Hey Goon Boy! (knocks the goon out and takes his keycard)
ON THE AIRPLANE
LIZ: Jason loves ME!
SAM: PFFFFFFT!!! Jason is SOOOOOO out of your league it's not even funny.
LIZ: What about Patrick? Aren't you supposed to be in LURVE with him?
SAM: I DO love Patrick. But Jason is my husband and he deserves to at least REMEMBER being my husband.
LIZ: How convenient that he doesn't.
SAM: Convenient for YOU!
LIZ: You're a slut.
SAM: (throws water into Liz's face) Oops! Didn't meant to get you wet. NOT!
METROCOURT
MORGAN: So, you gainfully employed?
KIKI: I start tonight. I hope my fake dad stops by. He can even bring Nina if he wants.
MORGAN: About that...Franco's in the slammer.
KIKI: Say WHAAAAAAAAAAT????
MORGAN: He got arrested for running my mom off the road.
KIKI: OMG! I ran your mom off the road.
MORGAN: How lucky are you that your fake dad the ex-serial killer is taking the rap for you?
KIKI: Too bad I have this thing called a conscience.
CASSADINE ISLAND
JASON: Hey Nikolas, stalk much?
NIKOLAS: I'm checking up on dear ol' ailing grandmother. She likes to play with explosives and seeing she's hooked up to an oxygen tank, that can be problematic.
JASON: Mind getting the hell out of the way so I can get some answers out of dear ol' ailing grandma?
NIKOLAS: That's hilarious. Like I'm just going to let you in to interrogate my grandmother.
JASON: What do you care? You can't stand the woman and had her exiled here. Move or I'll plug ya.
ON THE AIRPLANE
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Knock it off, you two, or you get sent to a Greek jail.
SAM: Have you ever SEEN Cassadine Island? It IS a Greek jail. Speaking of Cassadines, what does Nikolas want with Jason anyway? He has his own goons.
LIZ: Are you calling Jason a GOON?
SAM: Jason works for the mob, Elizabeth, in case you have forgotten. But you wanted to turn him into Mr. Sunshine Man.
LIZ: Jason LOVES me. He chose ME over you this time. Deal with it.
SAM: Once Jason gets his memory back, he'll remember who he belongs with and drop your simpering ass like a hot potato.
LIZ: (throws water in Sam's face)
PCPD INTERROGATION ROOM
KIKI: What are you doing, Franco? You didn't run Carly off the road. I did.
FRANCO: Yeah, and I'm gonna be a good fake daddy and protect you and your bright future as a...as a...did you take my advice and get yourself a job?
KIKI: I'm waiting tables at the MetroCourt.
FRANCO: As a waitress, then. Your bright waitressing future will NOT be put in jeopardy.
KIKI: You would really do that?
FRANCO: What are fake daddies for?
CASSADINE ISLAND
HELENA: Why hello, Mr. Morgan! We meet again.
JASON: Look, I know you're all oxygened up, but you owe me some answers, lady. NOW!
HELENA: Ask and you shall receive, my darling. As I am on my farewell redemption tour, it is imperative that I, what is that word, REPENT, for the many wrongs I have committed on this earth.
JASON: Hey, Nik, is Granny delirious or something?
PENTONVILLE
HAYDEN: I have to find out who shot me but if I start looking around, I might as well go shopping for a casket.
SHAWN: You're afraid the guy--assuming it's a guy--might finish the job?
HAYDEN: Damn straight I am.
SHAWN: I've got people on the outside who can help you with that.
PCPD INTERROGATION ROOM
MORGAN: Franco, you're actually kinda awesome right now. Come on Kiki. Let Franco be awesome and take the fall for you.
KIKI: Um...okay...thank you, Franco.
PCPD
NINA: Jay, I KNOW Franco didn't do this. Kiki did.
METROCOURT
KIKI: I'm getting ALL the guilt feels, Morgan. I have to go back and confess.
MORGAN: Like HELL! We're going to skip town and get new identities.
KIKI: Okay.
CASSADINE ISLAND
GOON: Look who we found?
HELENA: My my my! Strumpett #1 and Strumpett # 2. Or are they Trollop #1 and Trollop #2? Perhaps my oxygen tank isn't working properly.
JASON: What the hell are you two doing here?
SAM: I'm here to help you get your memory back.
LIZ: And I'm here to tell you to forget about your memory and come home to me and the boys.
HELENA: Well, JASON, shall we proceed? It is a most fascinating tale. Nikolas, my darling, would you see to it that the children behave?
Liz and Sam have a spat on the flight over to Greece. Nina is appalled that Franco would get himself sent to prison to save Kiki. Morgan talks Kiki out of confessing to causing the accident. Hayden gives Shawn some good news.
PCPD INTERROGATION ROOM
NINA: What the what? Jay, you can't arrest Franco. We're normal people now.
NATHAN: I can arrest Franco, sis, and I did. We have photographic evidence that he is the one who ran Carly Corinthos off the road and could have killed her.
FRANCO: That's funny. Nina and I stayed in on Halloween night watching horror movies, handing out pre-screened candy and yelling at Kiki's mother.
NATHAN: So it was a ghost driving your car on Rte 31 that night?
FRANCO: Hey, there's no shortage of those in this town. Some of them even have accents and roll their Rs. (to self) CRAP! It was Kiki who was driving my car and she was drunk as a skunk! I can't let Kiki go to jail. I'm her fake father! (to Nathan) Wait! I took a late night drive. Yeah, that's it. I had to get Freddy Kreuger out of my head so I drove on Rte 31.
PENTONVILLE
HAYDEN: Remember me? I'm the woman you got sent up the river for shooting.
SHAWN: Of all the times for me to miss my mark. I'm sorry, Ms. Barnes.
HAYDEN: No sweat. I was in a coma for a few months, so it gave me a convenient excuse to fake some memory loss. By the way, I have some good news. You didn't shoot me.
SHAWN: Well, I sure as hell didn't shoot Jake Doe.
HAYDEN: Yeah, about that. Jake Doe isn't Jake Doe anymore. He's Jason Morgan.
SHAWN: Say WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT???
CASSADINE ISLAND
JASON: (sliding down the rope) It's a good thing I read the MacGyver Guide to Badass Entrances on the flight over. Hey Goon Boy! (knocks the goon out and takes his keycard)
ON THE AIRPLANE
LIZ: Jason loves ME!
SAM: PFFFFFFT!!! Jason is SOOOOOO out of your league it's not even funny.
LIZ: What about Patrick? Aren't you supposed to be in LURVE with him?
SAM: I DO love Patrick. But Jason is my husband and he deserves to at least REMEMBER being my husband.
LIZ: How convenient that he doesn't.
SAM: Convenient for YOU!
LIZ: You're a slut.
SAM: (throws water into Liz's face) Oops! Didn't meant to get you wet. NOT!
METROCOURT
MORGAN: So, you gainfully employed?
KIKI: I start tonight. I hope my fake dad stops by. He can even bring Nina if he wants.
MORGAN: About that...Franco's in the slammer.
KIKI: Say WHAAAAAAAAAAT????
MORGAN: He got arrested for running my mom off the road.
KIKI: OMG! I ran your mom off the road.
MORGAN: How lucky are you that your fake dad the ex-serial killer is taking the rap for you?
KIKI: Too bad I have this thing called a conscience.
CASSADINE ISLAND
JASON: Hey Nikolas, stalk much?
NIKOLAS: I'm checking up on dear ol' ailing grandmother. She likes to play with explosives and seeing she's hooked up to an oxygen tank, that can be problematic.
JASON: Mind getting the hell out of the way so I can get some answers out of dear ol' ailing grandma?
NIKOLAS: That's hilarious. Like I'm just going to let you in to interrogate my grandmother.
JASON: What do you care? You can't stand the woman and had her exiled here. Move or I'll plug ya.
ON THE AIRPLANE
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Knock it off, you two, or you get sent to a Greek jail.
SAM: Have you ever SEEN Cassadine Island? It IS a Greek jail. Speaking of Cassadines, what does Nikolas want with Jason anyway? He has his own goons.
LIZ: Are you calling Jason a GOON?
SAM: Jason works for the mob, Elizabeth, in case you have forgotten. But you wanted to turn him into Mr. Sunshine Man.
LIZ: Jason LOVES me. He chose ME over you this time. Deal with it.
SAM: Once Jason gets his memory back, he'll remember who he belongs with and drop your simpering ass like a hot potato.
LIZ: (throws water in Sam's face)
PCPD INTERROGATION ROOM
KIKI: What are you doing, Franco? You didn't run Carly off the road. I did.
FRANCO: Yeah, and I'm gonna be a good fake daddy and protect you and your bright future as a...as a...did you take my advice and get yourself a job?
KIKI: I'm waiting tables at the MetroCourt.
FRANCO: As a waitress, then. Your bright waitressing future will NOT be put in jeopardy.
KIKI: You would really do that?
FRANCO: What are fake daddies for?
CASSADINE ISLAND
HELENA: Why hello, Mr. Morgan! We meet again.
JASON: Look, I know you're all oxygened up, but you owe me some answers, lady. NOW!
HELENA: Ask and you shall receive, my darling. As I am on my farewell redemption tour, it is imperative that I, what is that word, REPENT, for the many wrongs I have committed on this earth.
JASON: Hey, Nik, is Granny delirious or something?
PENTONVILLE
HAYDEN: I have to find out who shot me but if I start looking around, I might as well go shopping for a casket.
SHAWN: You're afraid the guy--assuming it's a guy--might finish the job?
HAYDEN: Damn straight I am.
SHAWN: I've got people on the outside who can help you with that.
PCPD INTERROGATION ROOM
MORGAN: Franco, you're actually kinda awesome right now. Come on Kiki. Let Franco be awesome and take the fall for you.
KIKI: Um...okay...thank you, Franco.
PCPD
NINA: Jay, I KNOW Franco didn't do this. Kiki did.
METROCOURT
KIKI: I'm getting ALL the guilt feels, Morgan. I have to go back and confess.
MORGAN: Like HELL! We're going to skip town and get new identities.
KIKI: Okay.
CASSADINE ISLAND
GOON: Look who we found?
HELENA: My my my! Strumpett #1 and Strumpett # 2. Or are they Trollop #1 and Trollop #2? Perhaps my oxygen tank isn't working properly.
JASON: What the hell are you two doing here?
SAM: I'm here to help you get your memory back.
LIZ: And I'm here to tell you to forget about your memory and come home to me and the boys.
HELENA: Well, JASON, shall we proceed? It is a most fascinating tale. Nikolas, my darling, would you see to it that the children behave?
Wednesday, November 18, 2015
Chasin' Jason
Spinelli helps Jason locate the compound on Cassadine Island. Patrick reluctantly accepts Sam's decision to follow Jason to Greece. Liz wants in on Operation Chasin' Jason and the two get ready to leave for Greece together. Maxie and Lulu hack into Dante's work email and find a suspicious-sounding note from Valerie. Dr. Maddox runs into Anna at the hospital. Unbeknownst to Michael, Sabrina cancels her sonogram appointment.
SPINELLI'S APARTMENT, PORTLAND, OREGON
SPINELLI: Stone Cold?
JASON: Isn't that an ice cream place where they make your sundae on some cold rock?
SPINELLI: Many apologies. I failed to take into consideration your current amnesic state. I am most gratified that you are Jason Morgan and you are alive in more than merely the metaphysical sense.
JASON: Yeah, I kinda need your help, Spinelli. I need to find Helena Cassadine. She stole my life and my memory of being this Jason Morgan character away from me.
SPINELLI: And you require my assistance to hack into the Cassadine mainframe in order to ascertain the location of this diabolical, yet most elegantly attired octogenarian?
JASON: Yeah, something like that.
PATRICK AND SAM'S HOUSE
SAM: I haven't heard from Jason. That means he must have skipped town. I have to follow him and help him find his answers.
PATRICK: What if he doesn't want your help?
SAM: He'd never actually ASK me for it. That's not who Jason is.
PATRICK: But Jason has FORGOTTEN who Jason is. Isn't that the whole point of his journey to find himself?
SAM: He shouldn't be traipsing around Cassadine Island by himself. That place is probably rigged with booby traps.
PATRICK: Nice turn of phrase there, Sam. What about us? What about you, me, and my brokenhearted daughter Emma who thinks you and Danny will be leaving her forever?
METROCOURT
LULU: O to the MG! Just when I thought maybe, just MAYBE Dante and I could talk and work things out and stuff, I see him and Valerie CANOODLING in his cop car. CANOODLING, Maxie!
MAXIE: Shut the front door! CANOODLING?!? That SLUT! Did you walk up to that car and bitch slap her into next week? If you did and you got it on video, it would SO go viral!
LULU: No, I just rage-skulked away. I bet he's been banging her for months.
MAXIE: I know a way to find out. Being friends with Spinelli really comes in handy in times like these. OMG, check this out.
LULU: That's it! I'm going to take a little field trip over to the PCPD and cut someone. Maybe two someones. Wish me luck.
Q MANSION
MICHAEL: I can't wait to see our baby for the first time.
SABRINA: (to Michael) Well, you're not going to SEE much. (to herself) Michael CANNOT see how far along I am. What if the baby looks like Carrrrrrrrrrrlos?
LIZ: Where's Jason?
MICHAEL: You mean he's not with you?
LIZ: No. He's not with you either?
MICHAEL: Nope.
LIZ: I bet I know where he is AND who he's with.
PCPD
VALERIE: We nailed a perp AND I LIKED IT!
DANTE: Valerie, allow me to explain the concept of OBSERVATION.
VALERIE: Aw, come on, we had FUN busting that perp, didn't we?
MICHAEL: So, Dante, will you be arresting Nikolas anytime soon so I can get ELQ back?
HOSPITAL
ANNA: (on the phone with Patrick) How's Emma? Have they found her stranger danger lady yet?
PATRICK: Not yet. Nobody who fits her description comes up in the criminal database. I sure wish you were still commish.
ANNA: We need to talk. I'll see you when you come in.
DR. MADDOX: Drop something?
ANNA: Thank you.
DR. MADDOX: What do we have here? Self-medication?
ANNA: Save your questions for your actual patients, Dr. Maddox.
DR. MADDOX: You need to confront your demons, Ms. Devane. Particularly the ghost of Carrrrrrrrlos.
METROCOURT
MAXIE: The Homewrecker strikes again! I know you and Dante were CANOODLING in his cop car last night and I KNOW you sent him a sappy lovey-dovey email this morning.
VALERIE: Break the law much, Maxie? Count your lucky stars I'm not a cop yet.
MAXIE: At least I'm not banging my cousin's hubby. Seriously, Valerie, she's YOUR COUSIN!
VALERIE: And she's acting like a little bitch. Not that it's any of your business, but I'm a cadet at the police academy and they ASSIGNED me to ride along with Dante and work a stakeout and I'll have you know we NAILED that perp. THAT'S what the email was about. The thrill of nailing perps. YOU HAPPY NOW, Lulu's vigilante BFF???
PCPD
LULU: Dante Falconeri, you are a lying, cheating ASS and I KNOW you've been snuggling up to my cousin. I KNOW about the email.
DANTE: Lulu, can we not do this here? Come into the interrogation room.
LULU: So now you want to INTERROGATE ME? I'm the one who should be interrogating YOU!
HOSPITAL
PATRICK: (on the phone with Sam) So what did you decide.
SAM: I have to find Jason. I have to help him recover his Jason-ness.
PATRICK: Be careful with those Cassadines. That step-grandmother of yours has more knives than this whole hospital has scalpels and she has guns too.
SAM: I AM a Cassadine. That's why Jason needs my help. I know all the secret Cassadine handshakes from back when I didn't loathe Nikolas.
PATRICK AND SAM'S HOUSE
LIZ: Where's Jason?
SAM: That's what I'm about to find out.
LIZ: No you ARE NOT! YOU are staying home and I am going to go find Jason because he loves ME and he FORGOT about loving you.
SAM: I am TOO going to find Jason and I'm leaving right now
LIZ: Then I'm coming with you.
SAM: (sighing loudly) FINE. But you're Ethel. I'm Lucy. Are we clear?
INTERROGATION ROOM
LULU: So, you don't want me throwing shade at you in front of your cop friends? Boo-freakin'-HOO!
DANTE: I was trying to save you from confessing to a crime in front of "my cop friends". You're welcome.
LULU: I committed a crime? ME? BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
DANTE: Last I checked, hacking is illegal.
LULU: Last I checked, people in the 17th century who cheated on their spouses got stoned and hanged. That is, after they wore a big red A on their chest for ADULTERY!
DANTE: As far as I know, your brother Nikolas's family still believes in that sort of punishment. Around here, we just throw people in cells and occasionally give them juice boxes. And that's only if they ACTUALLY COMMIT CRIMES. Look, I only slept with Valerie ONCE. ONCE on July 4th. She's in the police academy and she got assigned to me for a stakeout, which was successful, by the way. Catching perps took a lot out of her on her first day, so she dozed off, that's all.
HOSPITAL
PATRICK: So, Sam's gone chasin' Jason.
ANNA: Good for her.
PATRICK: Say WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?
ANNA: She needs to find out if there's anything left between the two of them. It wouldn't be fair to either of you if she didn't. Have a little faith in Sam, Patrick.
SABRINA: Hey, Stephanie, right? Stephanie, can you cancel my appointment with Dr. Lee. I can't have my boyfriend knowing that I'm further along than he thinks and I might be carrying my ex's baby.
STEPHANIE: Ooooooookay.
ANNA: Hello, Sabrina. Is everything okay with the baby?
SABRINA: Everything's fine. Any word on who killed Carrrrrrrrrrrrrlos? (to herself) whose baby I might be having
ANNA: (to herself) It was ME! (to Sabrina) That case is colder than a dead Cassadine in a cryo lab. See ya.
GHOST CARRRRRRRRRLOS: (clapping slowly) Muy bien, Anna! Fantastico! Carrrrrrrrrrrlos lives forever IN YOUR MIIIIIIIND!
ANNA: Dr. Maddox, I'm ready to face my ghosts--I mean my demons.
DR. MADDOX: Come on in. This town has to have the most entertaining patients I've ever had. No wonder they call it Port Chuckles!
SPINELLI'S APARTMENT, PORTLAND, OREGON
SPINELLI: Stone Cold?
JASON: Isn't that an ice cream place where they make your sundae on some cold rock?
SPINELLI: Many apologies. I failed to take into consideration your current amnesic state. I am most gratified that you are Jason Morgan and you are alive in more than merely the metaphysical sense.
JASON: Yeah, I kinda need your help, Spinelli. I need to find Helena Cassadine. She stole my life and my memory of being this Jason Morgan character away from me.
SPINELLI: And you require my assistance to hack into the Cassadine mainframe in order to ascertain the location of this diabolical, yet most elegantly attired octogenarian?
JASON: Yeah, something like that.
PATRICK AND SAM'S HOUSE
SAM: I haven't heard from Jason. That means he must have skipped town. I have to follow him and help him find his answers.
PATRICK: What if he doesn't want your help?
SAM: He'd never actually ASK me for it. That's not who Jason is.
PATRICK: But Jason has FORGOTTEN who Jason is. Isn't that the whole point of his journey to find himself?
SAM: He shouldn't be traipsing around Cassadine Island by himself. That place is probably rigged with booby traps.
PATRICK: Nice turn of phrase there, Sam. What about us? What about you, me, and my brokenhearted daughter Emma who thinks you and Danny will be leaving her forever?
METROCOURT
LULU: O to the MG! Just when I thought maybe, just MAYBE Dante and I could talk and work things out and stuff, I see him and Valerie CANOODLING in his cop car. CANOODLING, Maxie!
MAXIE: Shut the front door! CANOODLING?!? That SLUT! Did you walk up to that car and bitch slap her into next week? If you did and you got it on video, it would SO go viral!
LULU: No, I just rage-skulked away. I bet he's been banging her for months.
MAXIE: I know a way to find out. Being friends with Spinelli really comes in handy in times like these. OMG, check this out.
LULU: That's it! I'm going to take a little field trip over to the PCPD and cut someone. Maybe two someones. Wish me luck.
Q MANSION
MICHAEL: I can't wait to see our baby for the first time.
SABRINA: (to Michael) Well, you're not going to SEE much. (to herself) Michael CANNOT see how far along I am. What if the baby looks like Carrrrrrrrrrrlos?
LIZ: Where's Jason?
MICHAEL: You mean he's not with you?
LIZ: No. He's not with you either?
MICHAEL: Nope.
LIZ: I bet I know where he is AND who he's with.
PCPD
VALERIE: We nailed a perp AND I LIKED IT!
DANTE: Valerie, allow me to explain the concept of OBSERVATION.
VALERIE: Aw, come on, we had FUN busting that perp, didn't we?
MICHAEL: So, Dante, will you be arresting Nikolas anytime soon so I can get ELQ back?
HOSPITAL
ANNA: (on the phone with Patrick) How's Emma? Have they found her stranger danger lady yet?
PATRICK: Not yet. Nobody who fits her description comes up in the criminal database. I sure wish you were still commish.
ANNA: We need to talk. I'll see you when you come in.
DR. MADDOX: Drop something?
ANNA: Thank you.
DR. MADDOX: What do we have here? Self-medication?
ANNA: Save your questions for your actual patients, Dr. Maddox.
DR. MADDOX: You need to confront your demons, Ms. Devane. Particularly the ghost of Carrrrrrrrlos.
METROCOURT
MAXIE: The Homewrecker strikes again! I know you and Dante were CANOODLING in his cop car last night and I KNOW you sent him a sappy lovey-dovey email this morning.
VALERIE: Break the law much, Maxie? Count your lucky stars I'm not a cop yet.
MAXIE: At least I'm not banging my cousin's hubby. Seriously, Valerie, she's YOUR COUSIN!
VALERIE: And she's acting like a little bitch. Not that it's any of your business, but I'm a cadet at the police academy and they ASSIGNED me to ride along with Dante and work a stakeout and I'll have you know we NAILED that perp. THAT'S what the email was about. The thrill of nailing perps. YOU HAPPY NOW, Lulu's vigilante BFF???
PCPD
LULU: Dante Falconeri, you are a lying, cheating ASS and I KNOW you've been snuggling up to my cousin. I KNOW about the email.
DANTE: Lulu, can we not do this here? Come into the interrogation room.
LULU: So now you want to INTERROGATE ME? I'm the one who should be interrogating YOU!
HOSPITAL
PATRICK: (on the phone with Sam) So what did you decide.
SAM: I have to find Jason. I have to help him recover his Jason-ness.
PATRICK: Be careful with those Cassadines. That step-grandmother of yours has more knives than this whole hospital has scalpels and she has guns too.
SAM: I AM a Cassadine. That's why Jason needs my help. I know all the secret Cassadine handshakes from back when I didn't loathe Nikolas.
PATRICK AND SAM'S HOUSE
LIZ: Where's Jason?
SAM: That's what I'm about to find out.
LIZ: No you ARE NOT! YOU are staying home and I am going to go find Jason because he loves ME and he FORGOT about loving you.
SAM: I am TOO going to find Jason and I'm leaving right now
LIZ: Then I'm coming with you.
SAM: (sighing loudly) FINE. But you're Ethel. I'm Lucy. Are we clear?
INTERROGATION ROOM
LULU: So, you don't want me throwing shade at you in front of your cop friends? Boo-freakin'-HOO!
DANTE: I was trying to save you from confessing to a crime in front of "my cop friends". You're welcome.
LULU: I committed a crime? ME? BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
DANTE: Last I checked, hacking is illegal.
LULU: Last I checked, people in the 17th century who cheated on their spouses got stoned and hanged. That is, after they wore a big red A on their chest for ADULTERY!
DANTE: As far as I know, your brother Nikolas's family still believes in that sort of punishment. Around here, we just throw people in cells and occasionally give them juice boxes. And that's only if they ACTUALLY COMMIT CRIMES. Look, I only slept with Valerie ONCE. ONCE on July 4th. She's in the police academy and she got assigned to me for a stakeout, which was successful, by the way. Catching perps took a lot out of her on her first day, so she dozed off, that's all.
HOSPITAL
PATRICK: So, Sam's gone chasin' Jason.
ANNA: Good for her.
PATRICK: Say WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?
ANNA: She needs to find out if there's anything left between the two of them. It wouldn't be fair to either of you if she didn't. Have a little faith in Sam, Patrick.
SABRINA: Hey, Stephanie, right? Stephanie, can you cancel my appointment with Dr. Lee. I can't have my boyfriend knowing that I'm further along than he thinks and I might be carrying my ex's baby.
STEPHANIE: Ooooooookay.
ANNA: Hello, Sabrina. Is everything okay with the baby?
SABRINA: Everything's fine. Any word on who killed Carrrrrrrrrrrrrlos? (to herself) whose baby I might be having
ANNA: (to herself) It was ME! (to Sabrina) That case is colder than a dead Cassadine in a cryo lab. See ya.
GHOST CARRRRRRRRRLOS: (clapping slowly) Muy bien, Anna! Fantastico! Carrrrrrrrrrrlos lives forever IN YOUR MIIIIIIIND!
ANNA: Dr. Maddox, I'm ready to face my ghosts--I mean my demons.
DR. MADDOX: Come on in. This town has to have the most entertaining patients I've ever had. No wonder they call it Port Chuckles!
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
My Fair Nina
Maxie has a makeover project in her new "boss" Nina. Dr. Maddox interviews Franco and is not lost for questions. Franco and Morgan inspire Kiki to look for a job. Alexis asks a favor of Olivia. Carly hires Epiphany as Sonny's physical therapist. Valerie begins her first day as a police academy cadet by working a stakeout with Dante. Olivia appeals to Lulu to try to work things out with Dante. A visit from Carly brings out rage in Ava.
CRIMSON OFFICE
MAXIE: We need to save Crimson from going down the toilet.
NINA: Yeah, we need to do that. How are we doing to do that?
MAXIE: I'm confused. Who is whose boss here?
NINA: I hired you to tell me what the hell to do, so I'm your boss and I'm telling you to tell me what to do.
MAXIE: Glad we got that cleared up. Here. Read this magazine and get some inspiration.
NINA: We need to do a photo shoot in an African country just like this magazine.
NINA/FRANCO/KIKI'S APARTMENT
FRANCO: You need to get a job and be nicer to Nina.
KIKI: Okay, whatever.
DR. MADDOX'S OFFICE
DR. MADDOX: So, Franco, you call yourself? It says here you are a serial killer artist obsessed with death.
FRANCO: That's when I looked like this other guy and I had a serial killer tumor in my brain.
DR. MADDOX: Intriguing. However, you have been involved in some criminal activity since said tumor was removed.
FRANCO: That resulted in no loss of life, thank you very much. I was just trying to help my friend, well she's my girlfriend now even though all we've done is make out, and things got out of hand when she lost her mind and thought another woman's baby was hers.
DR. MADDOX: I see. So you helped this girlfriend of yours kidnap a baby and flee the country.
FRANCO: We went to Canada. Big deal. I had to help her realize that it wasn't her kid without all those pesky distractions around.
DR. MADDOX: Here's another interesting tidbit from your fascinating history: Just this year, you injected yourself with a disturbingly high dose of LSD.
FRANCO: Come on, doc! My crazy mother was about to shoot up my girlfriend with a lethal dose of the stuff. I saved her life, doc.
DR. MADDOX: Are you, or have you ever, affiliated yourself with the Pastafarians and/or worshiped the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
FRANCO: The thought crossed my mind, but do you see a colander on my head?
DR. OBRECHT: Now zat's enough of zat! Zis session is over. Velcome back to vork, Franco!
METROCOURT
LULU: Alexis, I want to file for separation with Dante. Please make it happen.
ALEXIS: Sure. Just call my people and we'll set something up.
OLIVIA: OMG, Julian! Leo just said his first full sentence!
JULIAN: Please tell me it was "Where is Da-Da?"
OLIVIA: Close, it was "Cannolis are yummy, Mama."
ALEXIS: He's, what, five months old?
OLIVIA: Oh and he can speak some Italian too.
JULIAN: As long as he knows who his Papa is, right?
AVA'S PENTHOUSE
PAUL: Now don't go all domestic on me, Ava. Your next assignment is to sex some information out of Morgan about his father.
AVA: Real mature, Paul. Morgan already thought of that one. Nobody pimps Ava Jerome out.
PAUL: Well, you'd better rustle up some of that killer instinct before I rustle up a certain flash drive with a certain recording that can get you sent right back to the pen.
SONNY'S HOUSE
EPIPHANY: I'm here and I'm ready to get your ass outta that wheelchair.
SONNY: Say WHAAAAAAAAAT? What the hell, Carly?
CARLY: You want to walk again?
EPIPHANY: I'll take it from here, Mrs. Corinthos. As for you, scram!
CARLY: But...but...
EPIPHANY: You don't mess with Piph!
DANTE'S COP CAR
VALERIE: You know how I just started cop school? Guess who gets to train me?
DANTE: This isn't going to be awkward at all.
VALERIE: So, how's Lulu? Does she still hate both of our guts?
DANTE: Basically, yeah.
NINA/FRANCO/KIKI'S APARTMENT
KIKI: Franco says I need a job.
MORGAN: It couldn't hurt. What can you do?
KIKI: Hmmm...good question. I can sell crabs.
MORGAN: Seeing that my mom owns half of the MetroCourt, you could always wait tables.
NATHAN: Knock knock
KIKI: Nina's not here. She's at "work".
NATHAN: I'm here for Franco.
KIKI: He's at work too. Sort of.
METROCOURT
OLIVIA: Lulu, you've got to talk to Dante and work things out with him because he loves you SO SO SO SO much.
LULU: I'm still WAY too pissed at Dante over that little thing he did called cheating on me WITH MY COUSIN.
AVA'S PENTHOUSE
CARLY: Are you happy you psycho BITCH, for that stunt you pulled in court with my hubby?
AVA: It's not like I was the one threatening to riddle HIM with bullets.
CARLY: There's no way in HELL you are keeping Sonny's little girl. We're coming after you, AVA. Oh, and stay away from Morgan while you're at it.
AVA: As IF he could stay away from ME.
CRIMSON OFFICE
NINA: Julian, can we go to Africa and take some pretty pictures for the magazine?
JULIAN: BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You have a budget of two dollars and forty-five cents. Good luck with that.
NINA: Maxie, what are we going to do? I have no idea how to run a magazine on a shoestring. I'm a friggin' HEIRESS for crying out loud!
MAXIE: You're going to be the new face of Crimson. MAKEOVER TIME!!!!!
SONNY'S HOUSE
SONNY: What the hell are we doin' here?
EPIPHANY: Making sure your legs don't turn to jello while your brain can't make them move, that's what.
SONNY: Make sense, I guess. How long is this gonna take?
EPIPHANY: Didn't Drake, Jr. explain to you how the brain and spinal cord work? It's up to ME to make sure you do your exercises so you got legs to walk on again.
SONNY: (phone rings) I gotta take this.
EPIPHANY: (grabs phone and tosses it) What did I say about messin' with Piph? YA JUST DON'T DO IT!
AVA'S PENTHOUSE
AVA: TO HELL with Sonny and Carly! They WILL NOT take my daughter away from me
and they will most certainly NOT take away MY TERRITORY!
PAUL: The fire's back, Ava Jerome. THE FIRE IS BACK! (Has sex with Ava)
METROCOURT
ALEXIS: Um, Olivia, do you and Baby Leo want to come over and have some turkey at my brand spankin' new house? I would really love to hear him speak Italian.
OLIVIA: Sure, we'll drop by. Maybe Rocco can hang out with his little baby uncle.
KIKI: My fake dad and my ex-boyfriend think I need a job. Can you help me?
DANTE'S COP CAR
VALERIE: Stakeouts are exhausting (falls asleep on Dante's shoulder)
OUTSIDE DANTE'S CAR
LULU: OMG! They just can't stay AWAY FROM EACH OTHER! Screw separation! I am SO filing for divorce now.
CRIMSON OFFICE
MAXIE: We need to save Crimson from going down the toilet.
NINA: Yeah, we need to do that. How are we doing to do that?
MAXIE: I'm confused. Who is whose boss here?
NINA: I hired you to tell me what the hell to do, so I'm your boss and I'm telling you to tell me what to do.
MAXIE: Glad we got that cleared up. Here. Read this magazine and get some inspiration.
NINA: We need to do a photo shoot in an African country just like this magazine.
NINA/FRANCO/KIKI'S APARTMENT
FRANCO: You need to get a job and be nicer to Nina.
KIKI: Okay, whatever.
DR. MADDOX'S OFFICE
DR. MADDOX: So, Franco, you call yourself? It says here you are a serial killer artist obsessed with death.
FRANCO: That's when I looked like this other guy and I had a serial killer tumor in my brain.
DR. MADDOX: Intriguing. However, you have been involved in some criminal activity since said tumor was removed.
FRANCO: That resulted in no loss of life, thank you very much. I was just trying to help my friend, well she's my girlfriend now even though all we've done is make out, and things got out of hand when she lost her mind and thought another woman's baby was hers.
DR. MADDOX: I see. So you helped this girlfriend of yours kidnap a baby and flee the country.
FRANCO: We went to Canada. Big deal. I had to help her realize that it wasn't her kid without all those pesky distractions around.
DR. MADDOX: Here's another interesting tidbit from your fascinating history: Just this year, you injected yourself with a disturbingly high dose of LSD.
FRANCO: Come on, doc! My crazy mother was about to shoot up my girlfriend with a lethal dose of the stuff. I saved her life, doc.
DR. MADDOX: Are you, or have you ever, affiliated yourself with the Pastafarians and/or worshiped the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
FRANCO: The thought crossed my mind, but do you see a colander on my head?
DR. OBRECHT: Now zat's enough of zat! Zis session is over. Velcome back to vork, Franco!
METROCOURT
LULU: Alexis, I want to file for separation with Dante. Please make it happen.
ALEXIS: Sure. Just call my people and we'll set something up.
OLIVIA: OMG, Julian! Leo just said his first full sentence!
JULIAN: Please tell me it was "Where is Da-Da?"
OLIVIA: Close, it was "Cannolis are yummy, Mama."
ALEXIS: He's, what, five months old?
OLIVIA: Oh and he can speak some Italian too.
JULIAN: As long as he knows who his Papa is, right?
AVA'S PENTHOUSE
PAUL: Now don't go all domestic on me, Ava. Your next assignment is to sex some information out of Morgan about his father.
AVA: Real mature, Paul. Morgan already thought of that one. Nobody pimps Ava Jerome out.
PAUL: Well, you'd better rustle up some of that killer instinct before I rustle up a certain flash drive with a certain recording that can get you sent right back to the pen.
SONNY'S HOUSE
EPIPHANY: I'm here and I'm ready to get your ass outta that wheelchair.
SONNY: Say WHAAAAAAAAAT? What the hell, Carly?
CARLY: You want to walk again?
EPIPHANY: I'll take it from here, Mrs. Corinthos. As for you, scram!
CARLY: But...but...
EPIPHANY: You don't mess with Piph!
DANTE'S COP CAR
VALERIE: You know how I just started cop school? Guess who gets to train me?
DANTE: This isn't going to be awkward at all.
VALERIE: So, how's Lulu? Does she still hate both of our guts?
DANTE: Basically, yeah.
NINA/FRANCO/KIKI'S APARTMENT
KIKI: Franco says I need a job.
MORGAN: It couldn't hurt. What can you do?
KIKI: Hmmm...good question. I can sell crabs.
MORGAN: Seeing that my mom owns half of the MetroCourt, you could always wait tables.
NATHAN: Knock knock
KIKI: Nina's not here. She's at "work".
NATHAN: I'm here for Franco.
KIKI: He's at work too. Sort of.
METROCOURT
OLIVIA: Lulu, you've got to talk to Dante and work things out with him because he loves you SO SO SO SO much.
LULU: I'm still WAY too pissed at Dante over that little thing he did called cheating on me WITH MY COUSIN.
AVA'S PENTHOUSE
CARLY: Are you happy you psycho BITCH, for that stunt you pulled in court with my hubby?
AVA: It's not like I was the one threatening to riddle HIM with bullets.
CARLY: There's no way in HELL you are keeping Sonny's little girl. We're coming after you, AVA. Oh, and stay away from Morgan while you're at it.
AVA: As IF he could stay away from ME.
CRIMSON OFFICE
NINA: Julian, can we go to Africa and take some pretty pictures for the magazine?
JULIAN: BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You have a budget of two dollars and forty-five cents. Good luck with that.
NINA: Maxie, what are we going to do? I have no idea how to run a magazine on a shoestring. I'm a friggin' HEIRESS for crying out loud!
MAXIE: You're going to be the new face of Crimson. MAKEOVER TIME!!!!!
SONNY'S HOUSE
SONNY: What the hell are we doin' here?
EPIPHANY: Making sure your legs don't turn to jello while your brain can't make them move, that's what.
SONNY: Make sense, I guess. How long is this gonna take?
EPIPHANY: Didn't Drake, Jr. explain to you how the brain and spinal cord work? It's up to ME to make sure you do your exercises so you got legs to walk on again.
SONNY: (phone rings) I gotta take this.
EPIPHANY: (grabs phone and tosses it) What did I say about messin' with Piph? YA JUST DON'T DO IT!
AVA'S PENTHOUSE
AVA: TO HELL with Sonny and Carly! They WILL NOT take my daughter away from me
and they will most certainly NOT take away MY TERRITORY!
PAUL: The fire's back, Ava Jerome. THE FIRE IS BACK! (Has sex with Ava)
METROCOURT
ALEXIS: Um, Olivia, do you and Baby Leo want to come over and have some turkey at my brand spankin' new house? I would really love to hear him speak Italian.
OLIVIA: Sure, we'll drop by. Maybe Rocco can hang out with his little baby uncle.
KIKI: My fake dad and my ex-boyfriend think I need a job. Can you help me?
DANTE'S COP CAR
VALERIE: Stakeouts are exhausting (falls asleep on Dante's shoulder)
OUTSIDE DANTE'S CAR
LULU: OMG! They just can't stay AWAY FROM EACH OTHER! Screw separation! I am SO filing for divorce now.
Monday, November 16, 2015
Jason Morgan, Superstar
There's a new musical coming to Port Chuckles! Jason Morgan Superstar, the journey of Jason Morgan's search for what made him Jason Morgan. Leading ladies are plentiful, with Liz and Sam grabbing top billing, followed closely by Carly. Here are a few of the showstoppers from the production *
* Not all of the musical numbers are parodies of songs from Jesus Christ Superstar. I'm an equal opportunity showtune spoofer.
1. "Jason On Their Minds" Performed by Nikolas Cassadine
2. "Memory (Where The Hell Is My Memory?)" Performed by Jason Morgan
3 "I Know Just How To Love Him" Performed by Liz Webber and Sam Morgan, with a few lines from Carly Corinthos and Robin Scorpio-Drake.
4. "If I Were A Jake Doe" performed by Jason Morgan
5. "Getting To Know Me" performed by Jason Morgan, Carly Corinthos, Liz Webber, Sam Morgan, Robin Scorpio Drake and Helena Cassadine
6. "You're The Enforcer I Want" Performed by Sonny Corinthos and Jason Morgan
7. "People Will Say I'm A Thug" Performed by Jason Morgan
8. "Suddenly Stone Cold" Performed by Damien Spinelli
9. "Daddy Can You Hear Me?" Performed by Jake Spencer and Danny Morgan
10. "The Winner Takes Him Home" Performed by Liz Webber and Sam Morgan
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