You Can't Kill A Cassadine! You Just CAN'T!!!!!

      So Helena supposedly kicks the bucket and punches her ticket to whatever circle of hell Mikkos is in for freezing the world.   Except she's a Cassadine and this is Port Chuckles and Cassadines specialize in death-simulating drugs, so yeah... It was great to see Constance Towers again and I'm gonna miss her something fierce like I always do when Helena dies/gets sent to prison/exiled to Antarctica or Greece. 
    
       Back in The Chuckles or thereabouts, Morgan's getting nuttier by the minute and Kiki's scared out of her wits, so she calls Michael for help.   Anna 'fesses up to the very handsome Dr. Maddox about offing Carrrrrrrrrrrlos, only Carrrrrrrrrrlos isn't quite as dead has he seems.   Because Port Chuckles...   Sonny and Epiphany have a heart-to-heart at the gym.  Sabrina nearly spills the beans to Michael about Carrrrrrrrlos possibly being the baby's father, then gets a visitor who knocks her off her feet.

      CASSADINE ISLAND

         JASON:  So, am I gonna get my memory back or what? 
         HELENA:  How should I know?   I cannot take credit for erasing your memory.  The driver of that SUV who saw fit to use you as a speed bump was responsible for that.  I really should send said driver a Thank You card.  He, or she, made it all the easier for me to install your conditioning.
         JASON:  Install?   Am I just one big Ipad to you? 
         HELENA:  Ah, Mr. Morgan, you are most amusing!
         SAM:  Come on crazy step-granny.  Just give Jason his memories back so we can get the hell out of this house of horrors. 
         HELENA:  Would you like another curse, you bastard of a bastard? 

  
     CABIN

         MORGAN:  Them cops are after us, Kiki!  THEY'RE AFTER US!   Imma go skeer 'em away!
         KIKI:  Step AWAY from the Red Bull, Morgan. 
         MORGAN:  (gun in hand, goes out the front door and starts shooting) Oooo I hate dem wabbits!   BANG!
        KIKI:  OMG!  He shot someone! 
        MORGAN:  (comes back into the cabin) Calm down, it was just a wabbit!
        KIKI:  You murdered a bunny rabbit???? 
        MORGAN:  I hear more noises.  We gots to keel dem for real dis time!  (leaves again)
        KIKI:  (over phone) Michael, I need your help.  Morgan is Looney Tunes.  Literally.   He actually said "wabbit".

  
     DR. MADDOX'S OFFICE

        DR. MADDOX:  What is it you are really running from Ms. Devane? 
       ANNA:  I told you, the ghost of Carrrrrrrlos--I mean my grief for Duke--I mean the creepy new D.A.--I mean...DAMMIT, I KILLED CARRRRRRRRRRRRLOS! 
        DR. MADDOX:  Ding ding ding!   Do we have a breakthrough or what? 
        ANNA:  You're not going to rat me out to the police force I used to run now, are you?
        DR. MADDOX:  I'm playing the confidentiality card on this one.   After all, if you can't trust your shrink, who can you trust?   Do you trust me, Ms. Devane? 
        ANNA:  I'm getting there. 
        DR. MADDOX:  I guess that's progress. 
     
     
      SABRINA'S APARTMENT

       MICHAEL:  Being a dad is going to be so awesome.   I've already had Brand Spankin' New Q onesies specially made for him, or her. 
       SABRINA:  Um, about that.  Michael, I...uh...there's something...(Michael's phone rings)
       MICHAEL:  (picks up phone) Kiki?  What about Morgan?  He's turned into Sylvester the Cat and he scratched you?  I'll be right there!  (to Sabrina)  Sorry, Sabs.  I have to go.  My brother's gone cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs! 
    
     
      GYM

      CARLY:  I think Morgan's cray cray dial is ratcheting up to some dangerous levels, Sonny.  I tried to get him to see a shrink, but he wasn't having it.
      MICHAEL:  We gotta go find Morgan, Mom!   Kiki called and said he's off his rocker. 
      SONNY:  Where the hell is he?
      MICHAEL:  Somewhere thataway of Rte 31.  I'm on my way there.
      CARLY:  I'm coming with. 
      SONNY:  What am I supposed to do?  Just sit back in this GODDAMN WHEELCHAIR and wait for my kid to self-destruct????

    
     CASSADINE ISLAND

      HELENA:  Mr. Morgan, why do you bother with these two tedious women?   Your wife is a bastard's bastard and your fiancee is an insipid trollop. 
      NIKOLAS:  (to himself, while looking at his watch) What's taking this damn poison so long.  Hurry up and croak, grandmother, before you out me and Liz for knowing about Jason. 
      JASON:  Still waiting for answers, Hells Bells. 
      HELENA:  Why of course you are, Mr. Morgan.  I shall...I shall tell...you...every ---
      JASON:  Helena?
      NIKOLAS:  Grandmother? 
      SAM:  Very funny, step-granny.  We get it.  You Punk'd us.  You can wake up now.
      LIZ:  I know CPR! 
      DOC:  Yeah, she's a goner.
      DEAD HELENA:  Really?  You PLEBES think you can kill a Cassadine?   Your naivete is most amusing. 

   
     CABIN:

      MORGAN:  All that wabbit-hunting has turned me on, Tweety.  Let's make like the birds and the bees. 
      KIKI:  OMG, Morgan!  You are more bonkers than Franco and Nina COMBINED! 
      CARLY:  Morgan, what the hell do you think you're doing?
      MORGAN:  Mom?   Who called Mom?   Mikey?  What are YOU doing here?
      KIKI:  Sorry, Morgan.  I had to tell them you flipped your lid because you were scaring the crap out of me. 
      CARLY:  You need help, Morgan. 
      MORGAN:  I ain't seein' no stinkin' SHRINK, Mom.  I have converted to SCIENTOLOGY!
      MICHAEL:  Come on, Morgan.  That's BS and you know it.   We're here to help you.  This is an INTERVENTION.
     MORGAN:  Nobody intervenes on THE CAPTAIN.   NO-BODY! 

 
    GYM

    SONNY:  It's all my fault Morgan's gone bananas.   I gave him this bipolar thing to begin with.
    EPIPHANY:  It's not like you had a choice.  Just like I didn't have a choice when I lost Stan. 
    SONNY:  Yeah, I'm sorry about that, Epiphany.   If I lost one of my kids, they'd have to put me in a rubber room. 
 

    CASSADINE ISLAND

    JASON:  You killed her, Nikky.  You killed your own grandmother so she wouldn't rat you out.
    NIKOLAS:  Since when did YOU give a crap about my grandmother?  Since you wanted something from her?   It's like you're a totally different person now, Jason.  You might as well be Jake Doe.
   JASON:  Dem's fightin' words!  (attacks Nikolas)
   LIZ:  Come on, Jason.  Let's go home and forget about remembering.
 
   NIKOLAS:  So, grandmother, how did you find your tea?   A little strong for you?   Don't you hate when unfortunate peasants put a little something-something in there that you didn't ask for? 
  DEAD HELENA:  Poisoning Granny wasn't the wisest move you've ever made, my darling.  You know how cross I get!  I can still curse you from the afterlife, or when I come back for another visit on this dreary planet.  Ta-ta, prodigal grandson.

 
  PIER 54

    ANNA:  Carrrrrrrrrlos?   Why don't you give this haunting me thing a rest?   I already told my shrink what I did to you.
 
  
   SABRINA'S APARTMENT

    CARLOS:  Zabrrrrrrrrrrina!   I'm baaaaaaaaack!   You'll never guess who I met on my trip to the '70s!   Time travel heals all gunshot wounds to the chest.
    SABRINA:  Carrrrrr--(faints)