Definitive Proof

     Carly gets the DNA proof she needs that Jake is Jason.  Morgan tries to stop a drunk Kiki from taking the wheel.  Lulu has it out with Dante on the pier about his cheatin' ways.   Valerie rips Dillon for publicly humiliating Lulu.  Jake has a sense of deja vu when he's on the bridge with Liz.

       PIER 54

       DANTE:  Lulu, you've gotta hear me out.  I only cheated on you with Valerie because I thought you were cheating on me with Dillon.
       LULU:  How DARE you blame ME for YOU dropping your pants with MY COUSIN! 
       DANTE:  I screwed up, Lulu.  But I made up for it.  I got you all those flowers and I agreed to putting an embryo with my DNA into your uterus.  That oughtta count for SOMETHING.
        LULU:  How DARE you mention MY UTERUS! 
        DANTE:  The point is, I was pissed and I made a ginormous mistake and I want to make it up to you.   I was gonna 'fess up myself before your fanboy Dillon decided to play dirty and air Valerie's confession for a boatful of people to see. 
        LULU:  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
        DANTE:  My dad told me I should tell you before you found out from someone else.
        LULU:  So Sonny knows.  Who else, Dante.  WHO THE HELL ELSE KNOWS YOU CHEATED ON ME????
      

         HAUNTED STAR

       VALERIE:  You did this on purpose, Dillon.  You aired our private convo because YOU were jealous of DANTE! 
       DILLON:  So what if I did?  Dante didn't deserve the amazingness that is Lulu.  He was two busy screwing YOU. 
        VALERIE:  We are SO not even friends anymore, Dillon.
        DILLON:  Come on, Valerie!   We were partners in unrequited lovesickness!
        VALERIE:  Talk to the hand.   I'm outta here.

         MAXIE:  You KEPT a secret that could DESTROY my bestie's marriage?   HOW COULD YOU, NATHAN?  HOW COULD YOU????  
         NATHAN:  Allow me to explain bro code to you...
         MAXIE:   Bro code my ass!   You're supposed to tell me EVERYTHING! 
      
         KIKI:  So Morgan, were you banging that college chick--what's her name?  Barbie?
         DARBY:  Darby.
         KIKI:  First you screw my MOTHER, then some girl right out of high school?   Choose an age bracket and stick to it. 
         MORGAN:  What's it to you anyway?   Didn't we break up because I WAS having sex with your mother?   You don't get to pick my hookups, Keeks.
     

            LAB

           DOCTOR:  Here you go, Mrs. C.  All the proof you need that Jake Doe is Jason Morgan. 
           CARLY:  Thank you so much, Doctor.  You get a comped suite at the MetroCourt FOR LIFE!   (to self) Must find Jason NOW and stop him from becoming a bigamist. 

         
            BRIDGE

           JAKE:  I'm having one of my memories, Uhlizabeth.  I know I've been here before. 
           LIZ:  PFFFFFFFFFT!   How many bridges have you been to in your life?   You must be thinking of another one. 
           JAKE:  I've been to this bridge with YOU.
           LIZ:  It's just deja vu.  It happens to the best of us. 
           JAKE:  Why are my memories so damn fragmented?   It's like they are flotsam and jetsam in my mind and they don't fit together. 
            LIZ:  (to self)  Poor Jason.  He doesn't know he's Jason and if I have anything to do with it, he'll never find out.   He will be my Jake Doe forEVAH!
           JAKE:  I could use some night-before-the-wedding sex right now.
            LIZ:  No can do.  Bad luck. 
           JAKE:  Since when are you so superstitious? 
            LIZ:  (to self) Since I've been lying to you for six months about who you are and I have this nightmare of someone bursting into the church as we are about to say "I do" and telling you you're Jason and that you're still married to Sam and that I knew you were Jason and wanted to have you ALL to myself! (to Jake) Tradition, superstition, six of one, a half dozen of another.

        
           PATRICK AND SAM'S HOUSE

            PATRICK:  What's wrong, Sam?  Too much Halloween candy.   Time travel giving you killer jet lag?  How did you end up getting sucked into a wormhole that took you to November 5 when the rest of us here were still on Halloween night?   And how did you come back out the other side?
            SAM:  I don't know.  It has to have something to do with Spinelli.   I was supposed to have his laptop in my hands in order to tell Jake who he really is.
           PATRICK:  Did Spinelli get sucked into his own wormhole?   Forgive me for laughing, but that's kinda hilarious. 
           SAM:  Ellie broke her ankle and had to go to the hospital, so Spinelli had to rush back to Portland to be with her.  He left his laptop with someone at the hospital and told whoever it was to bring it to me.
           PATRICK:  Well, you gave it your best shot.   Maybe tomorrow it will come out of the other end of whatever wormhole it got sucked into and you'll have your answer. 

        
          PIER 54

        MAXIE:  OMG, Lulu, I'm totally here now and ready for major best friend duty.  YOU'RE coming with me. 
       DANTE:  Come back, Lulu!    COME BAAAAAACK! 
     

        HAUNTED STAR

       MORGAN:  Kiki, you're drunk as a skunk and you can't drive home.  Gimme the keys.   I'm taking you home.
       KIKI:  What about Barbie?
       MORGAN:  I'll take you both home.   Eat your heart out, Uber.
       DARBY:   Found some yum-yums! 
       KIKI:  I'm outta here. 
     
       ROAD

       CARLY:  (to self) Must. Find. Jason.  Must. Find. Jason.  Must...Hey, maniac, PICK A GODDAMN LANE!
    
        KIKI: (to self) Why are all the cars going the wrong way?   WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?
 
       CARLY:  AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHH!   (car crashes)