Crypt Baby reappears just as mysteriously as she disappeared. Alien abduction? Hayden is freaked to find Carrrrrrrrlos in her hotel room with a sniper rifle (who wouldn't be?). Jordan is shot at by Bruce, but Anna warns her in time to move out of the way. Carly tries to warn Jake about Hayden but Anna interrupts. Michael accuses Morgan and Kiki of The Great Allergy Medicine Switcheroo. Nathan and Silas discuss Silas's mystery patient.
ELQ OFFICE
MICHAEL: I know you drugged me, Morgan. Don't waste your breath denying it.
MORGAN: All I hear about all the time is how great Mikey is at this or how he can do no wrong. Mikey, Mikey, Mikey!
SONNY: Morgan, stop quoting sitcoms from 20 years before you were born.
MICHAEL: What if I followed in my dad's footsteps and drove my car into a tree with AJ in it?
MORGAN: But you didn't. Avery is fine.
MICHAEL: Except she's MISSING!
MORGAN: I did it for you, Dad.
SONNY: You put my little girl in danger all for me, Morgan? You shouldn't have. Really, you shouldn't. If anything happens to her, you're DEAD TO ME!
HAYDEN'S ROOM
HAYDEN: Well this is a first. You're the first guy in Port Chuckles that I don't want to have sex with.
CARLOS: I'm hurt.
HAYDEN: I'm calling the cops.
CARLOS: I'm Jake's work buddy.
HAYDEN: Do you always take a sniper rifle when you visit your co-workers?
CARLOS: You're funny.
HAYDEN: Get lost or I'll call the cops for real.
PIER
ANNA: Lookout, Jordan! You're being shot at!
JORDAN: Ow, my ankle!
ANNA: He aimed that low?
JORDAN: I twisted it jumping out of the way.
ANNA, JORDAN, and BRUCE exchange gunshots. No one gets hurt.
JORDAN: Who was that?
ANNA: I dunno. He got away.
JORDAN: It must be one of Julian's men.
METROCOURT
TJ: Where's Mom? I have to tell her Duke's picking up the tab for my tuition.
SHAWN: She's probably busy. Don't you have to study?
JORDAN: TJ, what a surprise seeing you in a dining establishment other than Kelly's!
TJ: Guess what, Mom? Duke's paying for me to finish school! Isn't that super awesome?
JORDAN: Um, thank you, Duke! This is, um, unexpected.
DUKE: (to himself) Tell me about it.
GARAGE
JAKE: (On phone) Ever heard of patience, Sloane? Jerome is very tight-lipped.
SLOANE: Find out the target or find yourself in a cell block.
JAKE: What am I supposed to do, bug his garage?
SLOANE: That's a start.
ELQ OFFICE
MICHAEL: Sabrina, thank you for saving my ass by having those pills tested.
SABRINA: You're welcome! I can't believe your little brother and his girlfriend set you up like that. So much for brotherly love. He is totally jealous of you.
MICHAEL: Jealous? You mean because Sonny and Carly think I'm the second coming?
SABRINA: That might have something to do with it.
GARAGE
CARLY: Jake, you are going to stand there and you are going to listen to me tell you that your wife is totally bogus.
JAKE: Where have I heard that before?
CARLY: Jake, for crying out loud can you hear me out?
ANNA: Mr. Barnes, I need to speak with you and YOU alone.
CARLY: Like that's ever stopped me.
ANNA: Carly, scram!
CARLY: Jake, we are NOT finished.
ANNA: So, do you know who did it?
JAKE: Did what?
ANNA: There was a shooting down at the pier. Didn't Julian fill you in on who he's gunning for?
JAKE: That's above my pay grade. I just fix carburetors and plunge the garage toilet.
ANNA: Why am I not convinced?
JAKE: I don't fit the plumber mold? I don't look like a grease monkey?
ANNA: Don't tell me Julian hasn't utilized your skill in badassery.
JAKE: He has, but that doesn't mean I'm in his circle of trust yet.
HOSPITAL
NATHAN: So how's that mystery patient of yours?
SILAS: No longer among the living.
NATHAN: Damn, cancer is a total bummer.
SILAS: That's one way of putting it.
NATHAN: Look, sorry about interrogating you while you were treating your patient.
SILAS: You were just doing your job. Any other leads on Avery?
NATHAN: As a matter of fact, my mother summoned me into her office to talk about a lead.
SILAS' APARTMENT
KIKI: She's back!
AVERY: Well, DUH!
Friday, April 24, 2015
Thursday, April 23, 2015
So Much Mobbery...
Carrrrrrrrlos is gunning for Duke. Bruce is gunning for Jordan. Anna is pressuring Jordan to keep doing the undercover cop thing. Jake tries in vain to squeeze the name of the Jerome target out of Julian. Sonny asks Michael if he has Crypt Baby stashed somewhere. Morgan blasts Kiki for telling Julian about drugging Michael. Felix runs tests on Michael's "allergy pills" Spinelli gives Carly an update on Operation Bust Hayden.
ELQ OFFICE
SONNY: Michael, where do you have my daughter stashed?
MICHAEL: You're accusing ME of kidnapping AJ?
SONNY: It's AVERY!
MICHAEL: It's AJ! I named her after the father YOU took away from me, remember?
SILAS' APARTMENT
KIKI: I kinda told Uncle Julian about us drugging Michael.
MORGAN: You did WHAAAAAAAT?
KIKI: I had a guilty conscience.
MORGAN: We could get sent to Pentonville if word gets out about what we did.
KIKI: Hello? My uncle is a mobster just like your dad. Mobsters hate cops. Therefore, Uncle Julian won't rat us out.
MORGAN: So what do we do now?
KIKI: We switch his pills back.
MORGAN: Great. What better way to say "It was us" than be seen switching pill bottles? Should we put an ad in your uncle's paper too?
KIKI: Not if no one sees us doing it.
GARAGE
JAKE: So, tell me, Julian, who's getting plugged?
JULIAN: It's cute that you think I'm just going to tell you.
JAKE: Don't you trust me? Is my face not the most trustworthy face you have ever laid eyes on?
JULIAN: You're going to have fix a lot more carburetors before I let you in on my hit list.
METROCOURT
SHAWN: So, Jordan and I are making it official. We're in lurve!
DUKE: (to himself) Not for long (to Shawn) Is that so?
SHAWN: She's proven to me where her loyalties lie. I'm sorry I ever doubted her and told you I thought she was a cop.
DUKE: (to himself) You don't know the half of it (to Shawn) It's always a good idea to cover your bases.
TJ: Shawn, where's Mom? PCU is putting the squeeze on me and I need money, like, yesterday.
DUKE: I'll give you money (to himself) to make up for my ordering your mother's execution.
TJ: For real? You'll give me money for school?
DUKE: It's for your education. Why not? (to himself) This hit is getting really expensive, really fast.
TJ & SHAWN: Thanks, Duke.
HOSPITAL
SABRINA (on the phone) Carrrrrrrlos, you've got mail.
CARLOS: Thank you, Querida. How are you. How's thinks with your drunk boss?
SABRINA: Michael is not a drunk. He is a nice person, at least he is to me. Besides, your boss is a mobster.
CARLOS: Be careful, Sabrrrrrrrrrina.
FELIX: You were right. Michael was drugged.
SABRINA: Thanks, Felix.
PIER
JORDAN: I quit.
ANNA: Where have I heard that before?
JORDAN: Shawn and I are a thing. I'm tired of us being on opposite sides. This undercover cop thing ends now.
ANNA: If you quit, you put a target on Shawn's back. He is the only member of the Duke mob that I have evidence on.
JORDAN: So it's my integrity in my relationship with Shawn or his freedom. Where does YOUR main squeeze fit into all of this?
ANNA: I have a hunch that the Julian mob has it in for him.
ELQ OFFICE
SABRINA: Michael, you were not drunk. You were roofied.
MICHAEL: I bet I know who did it.
SONNY: Don't look at me!
MICHAEL: I actually think you're innocent of this particular crime, Sonny.
SONNY: Then who do you think drugged you?
(In walk Morgan and Kiki)
MICHAEL: You're looking at them.
METROCOURT
SPINELLI: Greetings, Carly! I bring with me a wealth of valuable information about our mysterious co-conspirator.
CARLY: Spit it out, Spinelli.
SPINELLI: (Shows Carly a picture of Pete/Fake Jake on his laptop)
CARLY: OMG, this is the guy in Hayden's fake wedding picture!
SPINELLI: Come again? I know nothing of said photograph.
CARLY: We're going on a little field trip.
HAYDEN'S ROOM
CARLY: See! That's the guy. That's our Fake Jake.
SPINELLI: This is a most fascinating development. It is indeed the man by the name of Pete Ross.
CARLY: So snapping a pic of this to shove in Hayden's face.
CARLOS: Ready. Aim...
PIER
BRUCE: Ready. Aim...
ELQ OFFICE
SONNY: Michael, where do you have my daughter stashed?
MICHAEL: You're accusing ME of kidnapping AJ?
SONNY: It's AVERY!
MICHAEL: It's AJ! I named her after the father YOU took away from me, remember?
SILAS' APARTMENT
KIKI: I kinda told Uncle Julian about us drugging Michael.
MORGAN: You did WHAAAAAAAT?
KIKI: I had a guilty conscience.
MORGAN: We could get sent to Pentonville if word gets out about what we did.
KIKI: Hello? My uncle is a mobster just like your dad. Mobsters hate cops. Therefore, Uncle Julian won't rat us out.
MORGAN: So what do we do now?
KIKI: We switch his pills back.
MORGAN: Great. What better way to say "It was us" than be seen switching pill bottles? Should we put an ad in your uncle's paper too?
KIKI: Not if no one sees us doing it.
GARAGE
JAKE: So, tell me, Julian, who's getting plugged?
JULIAN: It's cute that you think I'm just going to tell you.
JAKE: Don't you trust me? Is my face not the most trustworthy face you have ever laid eyes on?
JULIAN: You're going to have fix a lot more carburetors before I let you in on my hit list.
METROCOURT
SHAWN: So, Jordan and I are making it official. We're in lurve!
DUKE: (to himself) Not for long (to Shawn) Is that so?
SHAWN: She's proven to me where her loyalties lie. I'm sorry I ever doubted her and told you I thought she was a cop.
DUKE: (to himself) You don't know the half of it (to Shawn) It's always a good idea to cover your bases.
TJ: Shawn, where's Mom? PCU is putting the squeeze on me and I need money, like, yesterday.
DUKE: I'll give you money (to himself) to make up for my ordering your mother's execution.
TJ: For real? You'll give me money for school?
DUKE: It's for your education. Why not? (to himself) This hit is getting really expensive, really fast.
TJ & SHAWN: Thanks, Duke.
HOSPITAL
SABRINA (on the phone) Carrrrrrrlos, you've got mail.
CARLOS: Thank you, Querida. How are you. How's thinks with your drunk boss?
SABRINA: Michael is not a drunk. He is a nice person, at least he is to me. Besides, your boss is a mobster.
CARLOS: Be careful, Sabrrrrrrrrrina.
FELIX: You were right. Michael was drugged.
SABRINA: Thanks, Felix.
PIER
JORDAN: I quit.
ANNA: Where have I heard that before?
JORDAN: Shawn and I are a thing. I'm tired of us being on opposite sides. This undercover cop thing ends now.
ANNA: If you quit, you put a target on Shawn's back. He is the only member of the Duke mob that I have evidence on.
JORDAN: So it's my integrity in my relationship with Shawn or his freedom. Where does YOUR main squeeze fit into all of this?
ANNA: I have a hunch that the Julian mob has it in for him.
ELQ OFFICE
SABRINA: Michael, you were not drunk. You were roofied.
MICHAEL: I bet I know who did it.
SONNY: Don't look at me!
MICHAEL: I actually think you're innocent of this particular crime, Sonny.
SONNY: Then who do you think drugged you?
(In walk Morgan and Kiki)
MICHAEL: You're looking at them.
METROCOURT
SPINELLI: Greetings, Carly! I bring with me a wealth of valuable information about our mysterious co-conspirator.
CARLY: Spit it out, Spinelli.
SPINELLI: (Shows Carly a picture of Pete/Fake Jake on his laptop)
CARLY: OMG, this is the guy in Hayden's fake wedding picture!
SPINELLI: Come again? I know nothing of said photograph.
CARLY: We're going on a little field trip.
HAYDEN'S ROOM
CARLY: See! That's the guy. That's our Fake Jake.
SPINELLI: This is a most fascinating development. It is indeed the man by the name of Pete Ross.
CARLY: So snapping a pic of this to shove in Hayden's face.
CARLOS: Ready. Aim...
PIER
BRUCE: Ready. Aim...
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Duke's Goon Has A Name
A dramatic soap reveal! Duke's goon does indeed have a name! At least a first name. The man with the assignment to off Jordan Ashford goes by the name Bruce. Lots of mobular action today, with Duke putting the hit on Jordan and Julian putting the hit on Duke. Business as usual for the Port Chuckles underworld. Unaware of Duke's murderous plans for her, Jordan and Shawn declare their love for each other after sex and breakfast. Lucy is working 9-year-old Emma to the bone in Nurses' Ball rehearsals, so she's not home when Anna drops by to see her and give her Girl Scout cookie money. Sam has an epiphany when Spinelli enlarges the photo of Fake Jake and Hayden. Sloane puts the squeeze on Jake to cough up information about Julian's planned mob hit.
METROCOURT
DUKE: Bruce, what SHALL we do about Jordan Ashford?
BRUCE: You gotta plug her, dude.
DUKE: I know, but she has a kid and she's Shawn's main squeeze. But you're right, she must be silenced.
BRUCE: Now you're talking. When do you want me to do the dirty deed?
DUKE: Today. Now get on with it.
GARAGE
JULIAN: Why is Duke still registering a pulse?
CARLOS: I haven't gotten around to offin' him yet.
JULIAN: I've never known you to be the procrastinating type.
CARLOS: But his goon, Bruce Whatshisname is always by his side.
JULIAN: Two words: MetroCourt terrace.
CARLOS: Ain't no way Carly gives me a room. She's on Team Corrrrrinthos.
JULIAN: Hello? Use Jake's room. You know, the guy who put a smackdown on you when you got all up in Carly's business.
PATRICK'S HOUSE
ANNA: Where is my lovely granddaughter?
PATRICK: Two words: Lucy Coe
ANNA: Oh yes, her.
PATRICK: Sorry to bring her name up. I know she and Duke are kind of a thing now.
ANNA: So I hear Sam and Danny moved in.
PATRICK: Yeah, I hope that's cool with you, you being Robin's mom and all.
ANNA: My daughter is making the most peculiar decisions lately and I can't expect you to wait around for her. If Sam makes you happy, then I'm happy for you.
JAKE'S HOTEL ROOM
SLOANE: Hey, Jake, you're falling down on the job. I need the name of the dude Julian's gunning for.
JAKE: I guess patience is a foreign concept to you.
SLOANE: If you don't come up with this guy's name YESTERDAY, I'm throwing your ass in priosn!
JAKE: My supposed skill set works both ways, Commish, and I don't like being threatened.
KELLY'S
SPINELLI: It appears that the party who will most benefit from my investigation is none too thrilled that I am investigating his so-called wife.
SAM: Very interesting. Jake seems to think this woman is on the up and up. What do you think?
SPINELLI: I am not so convinced of the alleged Mrs. Barnes' legitimacy. She has acquired quite the windfall recently. I managed to overhear her shaking one mysterious fellow's hand. Unfortunately, my photography skills are not on par with my skills in investigation, so the only photograph I managed did not include said benefactor's face.
SAM: Zoom in. He's wearing some sort of class ring.
SPINELLI: You are most correct, fair Samantha.
SAM: Voila! Now use your hacking mojo to get into the school database and find a picture of him.
SPINELLI: (looking through yearbook pictures on the college website) No, No, No, No, YES! Pete Ross. Eureka!
SAM: McCall and Jackal still got it!
SHAWN'S APARTMENT
JORDAN: Mmmm! Breakfast! All that sex was making me hungry.
SHAWN: They don't call me a short-order cook for nothing.
JORDAN: What did I do to deserve this?
SHAWN: Just be an amazing woman and mother to TJ.
JORDAN: I don't deserve this (to herself) especially since I'm lying to you about not being an undercover cop.
SHAWN: I love you, Jordan.
JORDAN: Wow, that came out of the blue. You know what? I love you too, Shawn. Let's celebrate by going to the Nurses' Ball together.
METROCOURT
SHAWN: So, what's this about sending your goon away?
DUKE: Goons need to use the loo too, you know.
METROCOURT
DUKE: Bruce, what SHALL we do about Jordan Ashford?
BRUCE: You gotta plug her, dude.
DUKE: I know, but she has a kid and she's Shawn's main squeeze. But you're right, she must be silenced.
BRUCE: Now you're talking. When do you want me to do the dirty deed?
DUKE: Today. Now get on with it.
GARAGE
JULIAN: Why is Duke still registering a pulse?
CARLOS: I haven't gotten around to offin' him yet.
JULIAN: I've never known you to be the procrastinating type.
CARLOS: But his goon, Bruce Whatshisname is always by his side.
JULIAN: Two words: MetroCourt terrace.
CARLOS: Ain't no way Carly gives me a room. She's on Team Corrrrrinthos.
JULIAN: Hello? Use Jake's room. You know, the guy who put a smackdown on you when you got all up in Carly's business.
PATRICK'S HOUSE
ANNA: Where is my lovely granddaughter?
PATRICK: Two words: Lucy Coe
ANNA: Oh yes, her.
PATRICK: Sorry to bring her name up. I know she and Duke are kind of a thing now.
ANNA: So I hear Sam and Danny moved in.
PATRICK: Yeah, I hope that's cool with you, you being Robin's mom and all.
ANNA: My daughter is making the most peculiar decisions lately and I can't expect you to wait around for her. If Sam makes you happy, then I'm happy for you.
JAKE'S HOTEL ROOM
SLOANE: Hey, Jake, you're falling down on the job. I need the name of the dude Julian's gunning for.
JAKE: I guess patience is a foreign concept to you.
SLOANE: If you don't come up with this guy's name YESTERDAY, I'm throwing your ass in priosn!
JAKE: My supposed skill set works both ways, Commish, and I don't like being threatened.
KELLY'S
SPINELLI: It appears that the party who will most benefit from my investigation is none too thrilled that I am investigating his so-called wife.
SAM: Very interesting. Jake seems to think this woman is on the up and up. What do you think?
SPINELLI: I am not so convinced of the alleged Mrs. Barnes' legitimacy. She has acquired quite the windfall recently. I managed to overhear her shaking one mysterious fellow's hand. Unfortunately, my photography skills are not on par with my skills in investigation, so the only photograph I managed did not include said benefactor's face.
SAM: Zoom in. He's wearing some sort of class ring.
SPINELLI: You are most correct, fair Samantha.
SAM: Voila! Now use your hacking mojo to get into the school database and find a picture of him.
SPINELLI: (looking through yearbook pictures on the college website) No, No, No, No, YES! Pete Ross. Eureka!
SAM: McCall and Jackal still got it!
SHAWN'S APARTMENT
JORDAN: Mmmm! Breakfast! All that sex was making me hungry.
SHAWN: They don't call me a short-order cook for nothing.
JORDAN: What did I do to deserve this?
SHAWN: Just be an amazing woman and mother to TJ.
JORDAN: I don't deserve this (to herself) especially since I'm lying to you about not being an undercover cop.
SHAWN: I love you, Jordan.
JORDAN: Wow, that came out of the blue. You know what? I love you too, Shawn. Let's celebrate by going to the Nurses' Ball together.
METROCOURT
SHAWN: So, what's this about sending your goon away?
DUKE: Goons need to use the loo too, you know.
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
Cousin Relocation Program
Lulu agrees with Dante that Valerie should stay in Port Chuckles, but not in their loft. Lucy's head spins when she learns that Ellie and Spinelli and Maxie and Nathan are no longer together. Nikolas explains how he got the ring, but leaves out the little detail about Jake being Jason. Carly confronts Hayden at the MetroCourt in front of Ric and Elizabeth. Hayden returns to Wyndemere for more sex with Nikolas. Spinelli asks for Sam's assistance on the Jake/Hayden case.
DANTE & LULU'S LOFT
LULU: Heading home, Cousin Valerie?
VALERIE: I was, but Dante convinced me to stay here instead.
DANTE: Damn straight I did. We're her family, Lulu.
LULU: You're right. We're family. I would love it if you stayed in town, but this place ain't big enough for the three of us, not to mention Rocco.
VALERIE: Well, I kind of have a cash flow problem right now.
LULU: How would you like to live in a castle on an island with a real prince? I'll call him right now.
DANTE: Nikolas and Valerie aren't even related. How about Carly?
LULU: Carly's house is full. Besides, who wouldn't want to live in a freakin' CASTLE?
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
SPINELLI: The whirlwind of a woman that is Lucy Coe desires that I perform at the Nurses' Ball with Ellie.
MAXIE: Said "whirlwind" wants me to walk down the red carpet with Nathan. She really needs to check her social media more often. Wait, did I forget to update my relationship status?
SPINELLI: Would it be terribly inappropriate for me to flaunt my marvel of science in the Magic Milo act?
MAXIE: Hate to break it to you, Spinelli, but Nathan kinda replaced you last year.
SPINELLI: Alas, I shall refrain. However, if I may suggest, you and I could do a number together, Maximista.
MAXIE: How fast can you come up with one and solve your case at the same time?
SPINELLI: You raise an excellent point. Carly is not in possession of much patience.
MAXIE: Remember how you used to work with Sam?
SPINELLI: As usual, Maximista, your cleverness is much appreciated!
KELLY'S
LUCY: OMG! As I live and breathe, it's Ellie Trout! You MUST MUST MUST perform at the Nurses' Ball with Spinelli.
ELLIE: Unfortunately, that will not be possible, for Damien and I no longer find our cosmic forces in alignment.
LUCY: Say WHAAAAAAAAAT? You two were EXPLOSIVE at the '13 ball. You BLIND each other with SCIENCE! You were MEANT TO BE!
ELLIE: I wish that were so, Lucy.
LUCY: How about you, Nathan? Will you and Maxie be walking down that carpet like the two stunningly gorgeous creatures you are? Will you, will you, WILL YOU????
NATHAN: I'm afraid not. Maxie and I are history.
LUCY: What is this universe coming to? Everything is all cattywompus, topsy-turvy, and COMPLETELY out of whack! Ellie & Spinelli, Maxie & Nathan. Head for the hills, THE APOCALYPSE IS NIGH!
NATHAN: I'm really sorry we threw your universe into a tailspin, Lucy.
ELLIE: I must inform you that Damien has reunited with Maxie.
LUCY: Well, well WELL! You and Nathan need to get together to MAKE THEM JEALOUS!
ELLIE: We have barely become acquainted.
LUCY: Fine, then be good friends and walk down the red carpet at the Nurses' Ball together.
NATHAN: I'm up for it.
PATRICK'S HOUSE
NIKOLAS: Spencer got the ring from me. Technically he stole it from my safe, but I put it in that safe in the first place.
PATRICK: But how did the ring end up in your hands?
NIKOLAS: My grandmother gave it to me. She got her hands on it at Crighton Clark and gave it to me right before I sent her packing.
SAM: And you didn't give it to me 2 months ago because...
NIKOLAS: It was the day Spencer got burned in the fire.
SAM: So THAT'S what you wanted to tell me when I went up to Boston to see you.
NIKOLAS: (fingers crossed behind back) That's it.
PATRICK: Thanks for clearing that up.
JAKE: It's been a long day.
PATRICK: I'll take you home so you don't go on any more motorcycle rides with my girlfriend.
METROCOURT
LIZ: Carly, what were you all up in Ric's business about earlier?
CARLY: Do I need a REASON to be up in the business of the guy who locked me in a panic room?
RIC: Again with the panic room.
CARLY: Oh, look who I see. It's HAYDEN! (Walks over to the door and grabs Hayden's arm) Hayden, I have someone I want to introduce you to.
HAYDEN: Let go of my arm you bitch!
CARLY: Hayden, meet Elizabeth's boyfriend Ric. Ric, this is Jake's "wife" Hayden Barnes. Or have you met before?
HAYDEN: My husband told me about Ric and how he hates his guts.
RIC: Elizabeth told me about how she showed up out of nowhere claiming to be Jake's hubby.
CARLY: So, Hayden, how are things in the sac with ol' Jake?
HAYDEN: We have definitely got our husband-and-wife on, if you know what I mean.
CARLY: That's interesting. Jake told me otherwise. He compared getting it on with you to having sex with a stranger.
RIC: Thanks, Carly, for ruining mine and Elizabeth's dinner by interrogating this woman about her sex life.
CARLY: She was all too happy to oblige, weren't you, HAYDEN?
PATRICK'S HOUSE
SAM: (on the phone with Spinelli) I'd be happy to help, Spinelli. It's been too long since we worked on a case together.
SPINELLI: I am most delighted! Expedience is of the utmost priority, as you are most aware of Carly's impatience.
SAM: I know Carly, alright. Let's meet tomorrow and come up with a plan.
WYNDEMERE
HAYDEN: I'm baaaaaaaack! Let's do the wild monkey dance together.
NIKOLAS: My phone is ringing.
HAYDEN: Ever heard of voicemail? Sex. Now. Please.
NIKOLAS: Since you asked nicely...
KELLY'S
ELLIE: I am most uncomfortable with this notion of walking down the red carpet together.
NATHAN: I'm not. Lucy had a point about making Maxie and Spinelli jealous. What better way to say "C'est la vie" than going to the Nurses' Ball together?
ELLIE: I concord.
METROCOURT
RIC: Let's get out of here, Elizabeth. This dinner date has been officially Carlyed.
LIZ: Why would Hayden lie about having sex with Jake?
RIC: Because she's a nymphomaniac?
JAKE: I need a drink.
CARLY: Still pining over Elizabeth, I see.
JAKE: I am a married man.
CARLY: We'll see about that.
DANTE & LULU'S LOFT
LULU: Heading home, Cousin Valerie?
VALERIE: I was, but Dante convinced me to stay here instead.
DANTE: Damn straight I did. We're her family, Lulu.
LULU: You're right. We're family. I would love it if you stayed in town, but this place ain't big enough for the three of us, not to mention Rocco.
VALERIE: Well, I kind of have a cash flow problem right now.
LULU: How would you like to live in a castle on an island with a real prince? I'll call him right now.
DANTE: Nikolas and Valerie aren't even related. How about Carly?
LULU: Carly's house is full. Besides, who wouldn't want to live in a freakin' CASTLE?
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
SPINELLI: The whirlwind of a woman that is Lucy Coe desires that I perform at the Nurses' Ball with Ellie.
MAXIE: Said "whirlwind" wants me to walk down the red carpet with Nathan. She really needs to check her social media more often. Wait, did I forget to update my relationship status?
SPINELLI: Would it be terribly inappropriate for me to flaunt my marvel of science in the Magic Milo act?
MAXIE: Hate to break it to you, Spinelli, but Nathan kinda replaced you last year.
SPINELLI: Alas, I shall refrain. However, if I may suggest, you and I could do a number together, Maximista.
MAXIE: How fast can you come up with one and solve your case at the same time?
SPINELLI: You raise an excellent point. Carly is not in possession of much patience.
MAXIE: Remember how you used to work with Sam?
SPINELLI: As usual, Maximista, your cleverness is much appreciated!
KELLY'S
LUCY: OMG! As I live and breathe, it's Ellie Trout! You MUST MUST MUST perform at the Nurses' Ball with Spinelli.
ELLIE: Unfortunately, that will not be possible, for Damien and I no longer find our cosmic forces in alignment.
LUCY: Say WHAAAAAAAAAT? You two were EXPLOSIVE at the '13 ball. You BLIND each other with SCIENCE! You were MEANT TO BE!
ELLIE: I wish that were so, Lucy.
LUCY: How about you, Nathan? Will you and Maxie be walking down that carpet like the two stunningly gorgeous creatures you are? Will you, will you, WILL YOU????
NATHAN: I'm afraid not. Maxie and I are history.
LUCY: What is this universe coming to? Everything is all cattywompus, topsy-turvy, and COMPLETELY out of whack! Ellie & Spinelli, Maxie & Nathan. Head for the hills, THE APOCALYPSE IS NIGH!
NATHAN: I'm really sorry we threw your universe into a tailspin, Lucy.
ELLIE: I must inform you that Damien has reunited with Maxie.
LUCY: Well, well WELL! You and Nathan need to get together to MAKE THEM JEALOUS!
ELLIE: We have barely become acquainted.
LUCY: Fine, then be good friends and walk down the red carpet at the Nurses' Ball together.
NATHAN: I'm up for it.
PATRICK'S HOUSE
NIKOLAS: Spencer got the ring from me. Technically he stole it from my safe, but I put it in that safe in the first place.
PATRICK: But how did the ring end up in your hands?
NIKOLAS: My grandmother gave it to me. She got her hands on it at Crighton Clark and gave it to me right before I sent her packing.
SAM: And you didn't give it to me 2 months ago because...
NIKOLAS: It was the day Spencer got burned in the fire.
SAM: So THAT'S what you wanted to tell me when I went up to Boston to see you.
NIKOLAS: (fingers crossed behind back) That's it.
PATRICK: Thanks for clearing that up.
JAKE: It's been a long day.
PATRICK: I'll take you home so you don't go on any more motorcycle rides with my girlfriend.
METROCOURT
LIZ: Carly, what were you all up in Ric's business about earlier?
CARLY: Do I need a REASON to be up in the business of the guy who locked me in a panic room?
RIC: Again with the panic room.
CARLY: Oh, look who I see. It's HAYDEN! (Walks over to the door and grabs Hayden's arm) Hayden, I have someone I want to introduce you to.
HAYDEN: Let go of my arm you bitch!
CARLY: Hayden, meet Elizabeth's boyfriend Ric. Ric, this is Jake's "wife" Hayden Barnes. Or have you met before?
HAYDEN: My husband told me about Ric and how he hates his guts.
RIC: Elizabeth told me about how she showed up out of nowhere claiming to be Jake's hubby.
CARLY: So, Hayden, how are things in the sac with ol' Jake?
HAYDEN: We have definitely got our husband-and-wife on, if you know what I mean.
CARLY: That's interesting. Jake told me otherwise. He compared getting it on with you to having sex with a stranger.
RIC: Thanks, Carly, for ruining mine and Elizabeth's dinner by interrogating this woman about her sex life.
CARLY: She was all too happy to oblige, weren't you, HAYDEN?
PATRICK'S HOUSE
SAM: (on the phone with Spinelli) I'd be happy to help, Spinelli. It's been too long since we worked on a case together.
SPINELLI: I am most delighted! Expedience is of the utmost priority, as you are most aware of Carly's impatience.
SAM: I know Carly, alright. Let's meet tomorrow and come up with a plan.
WYNDEMERE
HAYDEN: I'm baaaaaaaack! Let's do the wild monkey dance together.
NIKOLAS: My phone is ringing.
HAYDEN: Ever heard of voicemail? Sex. Now. Please.
NIKOLAS: Since you asked nicely...
KELLY'S
ELLIE: I am most uncomfortable with this notion of walking down the red carpet together.
NATHAN: I'm not. Lucy had a point about making Maxie and Spinelli jealous. What better way to say "C'est la vie" than going to the Nurses' Ball together?
ELLIE: I concord.
METROCOURT
RIC: Let's get out of here, Elizabeth. This dinner date has been officially Carlyed.
LIZ: Why would Hayden lie about having sex with Jake?
RIC: Because she's a nymphomaniac?
JAKE: I need a drink.
CARLY: Still pining over Elizabeth, I see.
JAKE: I am a married man.
CARLY: We'll see about that.
Monday, April 20, 2015
Fritta-ta-ta
Dante convinces Valerie not to depart The Chuckles while Lulu tells Maxie she wishes her newfound cuz would just skip town. Ellie has an awkward encounter with Nathan at Kelly's and they end up accusing each other of trying to break up each other's relationship. Just as Carly was about to accuse Ric of creating the fake wife ruse with Hayden, Spinelli tells her that he saw another man meeting with Hayden. Nikolas freaks when he finds Jason's wedding ring missing while Sam tells Jake and Patrick that the ring under the couch is Jason's.
DANTE & LULU'S APARTMENT
DANTE: Don't leave Port Chuckles, Valerie! Your long-lost family is here.
VALERIE: Lulu hates me.
DANTE: What about Bobbie, Lucas, & Carly?
VALERIE: They were pretty nice. I guess I'll stay.
DANTE: You made the right call. Now I need to take a shower, then get back to finding my baby sister.
VALERIE: One fritta-ta-ta coming up!
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
LULU: My cousin Valerie is driving me BANANAS!
MAXIE: Hold up! Since when do you have a cousin Valerie?
LULU: Since, like, five minutes ago. She tried to kill my dad.
MAXIE: Have we really not hung out for that long?
LULU: Totally. I still don't know whether you chose Nathan or Spinelli.
MAXIE: Spinelli, but Nathan broke up with me first. Until he showed up and tried to un-break up with me but it was too late. I was back with Spinelli.
ROCCO: Um, Hello? Where's Georgie? Totally thought this was a play date.
KELLY'S
ELLIE: Sincerest apologies for my momentary lack of hand-eye coordination!
NATHAN: No worries. It happens in this town more often than you'd think.
ELLIE: You possess a most impressive physique.
NATHAN: Thanks. Wait a minute, aren't you Ellie?
ELLIE: Your skill in correctly ascertaining my identity is also admirable.
NATHAN: It's all your fault that I lost Maxie. If you hadn't sent Spinelli after her, Maxie and I would still be together right now.
ELLIE: I merely desired to determine whether Damien was still in possession of feelings for the mother of his child. However, you saw it appropriate to end your relationship with Maxie so that Damien might once again seek her affections.
NATHAN: I saw Maxie, Spinelli, and Georgie as a family and I didn't want to mess with their loving family unit vibes so I stepped aside.
ELLIE: So what are we going to do now?
NATHAN: Either we reclaim the people we love or have sex and make them jealous. Your call.
METROCOURT
CARLY: Well if it isn't Slimy McSlimeball and Miss Ficklepants.
ELIZABETH: Mind your own business much, Carly?
RIC: What? Is Elizabeth supposed to sit at home alone pining for a married man?
CARLY: Well, that depends...
SPINELLI: I have a matter of the utmost urgency to discuss with you.
CARLY: Later, Spinelli.
SPINELLI: This matter waits for no man. I must converse with you at once.
DANTE & LULU'S APARTMENT
VALERIE: Voila! It's Fritta-ta-ta a la Patricia Spencer.
DANTE: That's like, Top Chef material.
VALERIE: My mom was an awesome cook. And she had this thing where she'd add an extra syllable to every dish just to make me laugh. I miss my mom so much!
DANTE: You and your mom had something really special. I totally get that. My mother is always making me cannolis.
VALERIE: You TOTALLY get me, Dante. I still can't believe my mom is gone!
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
MAXIE: If you ask me, I think you should kick your cuckoo cousin to the curb.
LULU: I kinda sorta hope Dante does it for me. I mean, I feel sorry for Valerie that Dad went all psycho on her and she had to watch her mom die and all, but she's really cramping my style.
MAXIE: I hear you, sister. Does the name Levi Dunkleman ring a bell?
LULU: So are you still jonesing for Nathan or is Spinelli the one?
MAXIE: I'm SO CONFUSED!
METROCOURT
SPINELLI: It does not appear that Ric Lansing is involved.
CARLY: What do you MEAN he isn't involved? He's in this up to his eyeballs. He wants Elizabeth back so he sics a fake wife on Jake to get him out of the way, simple as that.
SPINELLI: I was able to capture photographically an agreement of sorts between the alleged Mrs. Barnes and a fellow who bore little resemblance to Mr. Lansing.
CARLY: Well, show me already! (looks at the pic of Fake Jake and Hayden shaking hands) This proves nothing. I can't see his face.
SPINELLI: I was loathe to be discovered, so I snapped this photograph without proper subject framing technique.
CARLY: Find this guy. NOW!
WYNDEMERE
NIKOLAS: Where is that goddamn ring!
PATRICK'S HOUSE
JAKE: Check this out. A ring.
PATRICK: Looks like a wedding ring. How did this get under my couch?
SAM: OMG! IT'S JASON'S WEDDING RING!
PATRICK: How the hell did it end up under my couch?
SAM: I don't know? Robin?
PATRICK: She's been gone for months.
SAM: I never thought I'd see this again.
PATRICK: Where did it come from?
EMMA: It came from Spencer. He threw it at me because I wouldn't be his one and only.
PATRICK: That's interesting. Why would Spencer Cassadine have Jason's ring?
EMMA: I don't know, but Spencer's been extra creepy lately.
WYNDEMERE
NIKOLAS: Grandmother, did you take Jason's wedding ring? It was in the safe. No, Grandmother, wi-fi was not part of the exile plan. Goodbye Grandmother.
SPENCER: I'm hideous. My life is over. Emma rejected me.
NIKOLAS: We really ought to fix that broken record of yours.
SPENCER: Emma doesn't want a disfigured boyfriend. That's why she threw the ring at me.
NIKOLAS: What ring?
SPENCER: Ummm....
NIKOLAS: WHAT RING, Spencer?
SPENCER: The one in the safe.
NIKOLAS: You're grounded. I'm going to Emma's to find the ring.
DANTE & LULU'S APARTMENT
LULU: Hello! Why is Valerie still here?
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
SPINELLI: Maximista, am I most delighted to lay my eyes on you.
MAXIE: I'm going to cook dinner for us and we're going to be a happy family.
SPINELLI: I am trembling with glee. I shall return with our young offspring!
DANTE & LULU'S APARTMENT
DANTE: Don't leave Port Chuckles, Valerie! Your long-lost family is here.
VALERIE: Lulu hates me.
DANTE: What about Bobbie, Lucas, & Carly?
VALERIE: They were pretty nice. I guess I'll stay.
DANTE: You made the right call. Now I need to take a shower, then get back to finding my baby sister.
VALERIE: One fritta-ta-ta coming up!
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
LULU: My cousin Valerie is driving me BANANAS!
MAXIE: Hold up! Since when do you have a cousin Valerie?
LULU: Since, like, five minutes ago. She tried to kill my dad.
MAXIE: Have we really not hung out for that long?
LULU: Totally. I still don't know whether you chose Nathan or Spinelli.
MAXIE: Spinelli, but Nathan broke up with me first. Until he showed up and tried to un-break up with me but it was too late. I was back with Spinelli.
ROCCO: Um, Hello? Where's Georgie? Totally thought this was a play date.
KELLY'S
ELLIE: Sincerest apologies for my momentary lack of hand-eye coordination!
NATHAN: No worries. It happens in this town more often than you'd think.
ELLIE: You possess a most impressive physique.
NATHAN: Thanks. Wait a minute, aren't you Ellie?
ELLIE: Your skill in correctly ascertaining my identity is also admirable.
NATHAN: It's all your fault that I lost Maxie. If you hadn't sent Spinelli after her, Maxie and I would still be together right now.
ELLIE: I merely desired to determine whether Damien was still in possession of feelings for the mother of his child. However, you saw it appropriate to end your relationship with Maxie so that Damien might once again seek her affections.
NATHAN: I saw Maxie, Spinelli, and Georgie as a family and I didn't want to mess with their loving family unit vibes so I stepped aside.
ELLIE: So what are we going to do now?
NATHAN: Either we reclaim the people we love or have sex and make them jealous. Your call.
METROCOURT
CARLY: Well if it isn't Slimy McSlimeball and Miss Ficklepants.
ELIZABETH: Mind your own business much, Carly?
RIC: What? Is Elizabeth supposed to sit at home alone pining for a married man?
CARLY: Well, that depends...
SPINELLI: I have a matter of the utmost urgency to discuss with you.
CARLY: Later, Spinelli.
SPINELLI: This matter waits for no man. I must converse with you at once.
DANTE & LULU'S APARTMENT
VALERIE: Voila! It's Fritta-ta-ta a la Patricia Spencer.
DANTE: That's like, Top Chef material.
VALERIE: My mom was an awesome cook. And she had this thing where she'd add an extra syllable to every dish just to make me laugh. I miss my mom so much!
DANTE: You and your mom had something really special. I totally get that. My mother is always making me cannolis.
VALERIE: You TOTALLY get me, Dante. I still can't believe my mom is gone!
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
MAXIE: If you ask me, I think you should kick your cuckoo cousin to the curb.
LULU: I kinda sorta hope Dante does it for me. I mean, I feel sorry for Valerie that Dad went all psycho on her and she had to watch her mom die and all, but she's really cramping my style.
MAXIE: I hear you, sister. Does the name Levi Dunkleman ring a bell?
LULU: So are you still jonesing for Nathan or is Spinelli the one?
MAXIE: I'm SO CONFUSED!
METROCOURT
SPINELLI: It does not appear that Ric Lansing is involved.
CARLY: What do you MEAN he isn't involved? He's in this up to his eyeballs. He wants Elizabeth back so he sics a fake wife on Jake to get him out of the way, simple as that.
SPINELLI: I was able to capture photographically an agreement of sorts between the alleged Mrs. Barnes and a fellow who bore little resemblance to Mr. Lansing.
CARLY: Well, show me already! (looks at the pic of Fake Jake and Hayden shaking hands) This proves nothing. I can't see his face.
SPINELLI: I was loathe to be discovered, so I snapped this photograph without proper subject framing technique.
CARLY: Find this guy. NOW!
WYNDEMERE
NIKOLAS: Where is that goddamn ring!
PATRICK'S HOUSE
JAKE: Check this out. A ring.
PATRICK: Looks like a wedding ring. How did this get under my couch?
SAM: OMG! IT'S JASON'S WEDDING RING!
PATRICK: How the hell did it end up under my couch?
SAM: I don't know? Robin?
PATRICK: She's been gone for months.
SAM: I never thought I'd see this again.
PATRICK: Where did it come from?
EMMA: It came from Spencer. He threw it at me because I wouldn't be his one and only.
PATRICK: That's interesting. Why would Spencer Cassadine have Jason's ring?
EMMA: I don't know, but Spencer's been extra creepy lately.
WYNDEMERE
NIKOLAS: Grandmother, did you take Jason's wedding ring? It was in the safe. No, Grandmother, wi-fi was not part of the exile plan. Goodbye Grandmother.
SPENCER: I'm hideous. My life is over. Emma rejected me.
NIKOLAS: We really ought to fix that broken record of yours.
SPENCER: Emma doesn't want a disfigured boyfriend. That's why she threw the ring at me.
NIKOLAS: What ring?
SPENCER: Ummm....
NIKOLAS: WHAT RING, Spencer?
SPENCER: The one in the safe.
NIKOLAS: You're grounded. I'm going to Emma's to find the ring.
DANTE & LULU'S APARTMENT
LULU: Hello! Why is Valerie still here?
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
SPINELLI: Maximista, am I most delighted to lay my eyes on you.
MAXIE: I'm going to cook dinner for us and we're going to be a happy family.
SPINELLI: I am trembling with glee. I shall return with our young offspring!
Friday, April 17, 2015
Return of Fake Jake
Fake Jake, a.k.a. Pete is back in town, demanding more hush money out of Ric and Hayden. Spinelli reports to Carly that Hayden recently came into a lot of money. Ric takes Liz on a dinner date to the MetroCourt. Ned lies to Alexis about not handing over ELQ shares to Franco, then tells Olivia he did it because he is in love with her. Hayden is hungry for more sex and tracks Nikolas down first by phone, then shows up at Wyndemere. Alexis tries to get information about the Cassadine ELQ holdings from Nikolas, who lies through his teeth. Nina is unnerved over Obrecht's visit and discusses it with Franco. Jake recognizes Robin in a picture at Patrick's house.
LIZ'S HOUSE
RIC: Now that we're back together, we need to go on an actual date. Since the only nice restaurant in town is the MetroCourt, what do you say?
LIZ: Sounds great, as long as I can find a sitter for the boys.
RIC: Molly can do it. I think. Let me check.
LIZ: Then I'll go get changed.
METROCOURT
SPINELLI: I come with glad tidings of great joy.
CARLY: You do know it's April, right? So what's the scoop, Spinelli?
SPINELLI: Maximista and I have reunited in the romantic fashion.
CARLY: Congrats! But what about Hayden?
SPINELLI: She recently acquired a handsome sum of money.
CARLY: A HA! I KNEW someone was paying her to pretend to be Jake's wife. Now we need to find the WHO and the WHY. Here's a key. Go spy on Hayden for me.
SPINELLI: You express great concern for this Jake.
CARLY: He's a great friend who always has my back.
SPINELLI: Reminiscent of Stone Cold?
CARLY: Kinda. Now go get your P.I. on in Hayden's room.
OUTSIDE LIZ'S HOUSE
PETE: I want more money.
RIC: The 10 grand I gave you to skip town wasn't enough?
PETE: Lamborghinis are expensive, man! Pay up or Elizabeth sees Fake Jake before her very eyes.
RIC: I don't have that kind of cash on me. Disappear and I'll pay you later.
PETE: Make that sooner or Elizabeth hears everything.
HAYDEN'S HOTEL ROOM
HAYDEN (on phone): I'm bored. Let's have sex.
NIKOLAS: Are you stalking me?
HAYDEN: I've got needs and fake hubby's not fulfilling them.
NIKOLAS: I'm busy. All we have between us is blackmail. By the way, my grandmother wants me to "eliminate" you. Consider yourself lucky to be alive. Good bye.
PATRICK'S HOUSE
JAKE: I'm back. And I brought your car too.
SAM: Thanks again for giving me a ride on that sweet bike.
JAKE: That was a blast, wasn't it. Maybe a blast from my past, but I wouldn't know.
PATRICK: Hey Jake. What's up?
JAKE: Just dropping off Sam's car (to himself) and hoping you weren't home.
PATRICK: We would have come by to pick it up.
JAKE: Happy to save you the trouble. (holds up a picture of Emma and Robin) By the way, I recognize that woman. I might have known her in my previous life.
PATRICK: That's my ex-wife. I think you might be mistaken.
JAKE: Distinct state of deja vu here.
PATRICK: You must have seen a picture of her somewhere else.
JAKE: Maybe. Here are your keys, Sam. Oops! I probably never played baseball. Let me go get them for you (looks under couch and sees keys and Jason's wedding ring.
Q MANSION
ALEXIS: You didn't really give your shares to Franco, did you, Ned?
NED: (fingers crossed behind back) Nah, it didn't come to that.
ALEXIS: That's a relief. It's not like ELQ isn't hemorrhaging enough already. Then there's Michael, who's hell-bent on self-destruction.
NED: Want me to try to straighten him out? Look what magic I worked with Franco!
ALEXIS: I need to go make sure he hasn't jumped off any buildings. And talk to Nikolas about Helena snatching up ELQ shares.
FRANCO & NINA'S SUITE
FRANCO: Check this out, Nina. The ELQ stock certificates, live and in person!
NINA: Yay Franco.
FRANCO: Okay, what's eating you now?
NINA: Auntie Liesl. She came over yesterday and accused me of taking the baby. Go figure. First you accuse me, then Jay, now Auntie Liesl. It's really starting to get on my nerves.
FRANCO: Why? It's not like you, I don't know, actually TOOK her.
NINA: You STILL think I have the baby, don't you?
FRANCO: I believe you, Nina. I don't think you took the kid.
NINA: And then Auntie Liesl said that she knew a secret about me that I don't know.
FRANCO: What is it about people in this town and secrets. You'd think we're on a soap opera or something.
WYNDEMERE
HAYDEN: Surprise!
NIKOLAS: I don't believe it. What now?
HAYDEN: I took a friggin' BOAT to come here, so you're gonna have sex with me.
NIKOLAS: Maybe Grandmother was right.
HAYDEN: Come on, Princey-Prince. Don't you want me, baby? Don't you want me NOW?
NIKOLAS: DAMMIT! (Nikolas & Hayden have sex)
ALEXIS: Nikolas?
HAYDEN: Is that granny?
NIKOLAS: It's my aunt. Disappear. NOW!
HAYDEN'S HOTEL ROOM
PETE: I need money and Ric doesn't have any on him. You'll give it to me or the jig is up.
HAYDEN: Damn! You have a talent for extortion.
PETE: Blackmail's my middle name.
OUTSIDE HAYDEN'S ROOM
(Spinelli snaps a pic of Hayden and Pete shaking hands)
PETE: Deal?
HAYDEN: Fine. Deal.
WYNDEMERE
ALEXIS: You look a little...disheveled.
NIKOLAS: What an I say? Staring at numbers can put a guy to sleep. I took a little nap.
ALEXIS: Sorry to wake you. We need to talk about the 33% of ELQ that is in Cassadine hands. Did Helena let you in on any of her plans to take over the company?
NIKOLAS: (fingers crossed behind his back): Takeover? What takeover?
ALEXIS: That's what I thought.
Q MANSION
OLIVIA: I hate that you gave up ELQ shares because of me.
NED: You know why I did it, right? I did it because I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU!
OLIVIA: This is news to me. I totally thought I was in the friend zone.
NED: Not anymore you're not. (kisses Olivia)
LIZ'S HOUSE
RIC: Now that we're back together, we need to go on an actual date. Since the only nice restaurant in town is the MetroCourt, what do you say?
LIZ: Sounds great, as long as I can find a sitter for the boys.
RIC: Molly can do it. I think. Let me check.
LIZ: Then I'll go get changed.
METROCOURT
SPINELLI: I come with glad tidings of great joy.
CARLY: You do know it's April, right? So what's the scoop, Spinelli?
SPINELLI: Maximista and I have reunited in the romantic fashion.
CARLY: Congrats! But what about Hayden?
SPINELLI: She recently acquired a handsome sum of money.
CARLY: A HA! I KNEW someone was paying her to pretend to be Jake's wife. Now we need to find the WHO and the WHY. Here's a key. Go spy on Hayden for me.
SPINELLI: You express great concern for this Jake.
CARLY: He's a great friend who always has my back.
SPINELLI: Reminiscent of Stone Cold?
CARLY: Kinda. Now go get your P.I. on in Hayden's room.
OUTSIDE LIZ'S HOUSE
PETE: I want more money.
RIC: The 10 grand I gave you to skip town wasn't enough?
PETE: Lamborghinis are expensive, man! Pay up or Elizabeth sees Fake Jake before her very eyes.
RIC: I don't have that kind of cash on me. Disappear and I'll pay you later.
PETE: Make that sooner or Elizabeth hears everything.
HAYDEN'S HOTEL ROOM
HAYDEN (on phone): I'm bored. Let's have sex.
NIKOLAS: Are you stalking me?
HAYDEN: I've got needs and fake hubby's not fulfilling them.
NIKOLAS: I'm busy. All we have between us is blackmail. By the way, my grandmother wants me to "eliminate" you. Consider yourself lucky to be alive. Good bye.
PATRICK'S HOUSE
JAKE: I'm back. And I brought your car too.
SAM: Thanks again for giving me a ride on that sweet bike.
JAKE: That was a blast, wasn't it. Maybe a blast from my past, but I wouldn't know.
PATRICK: Hey Jake. What's up?
JAKE: Just dropping off Sam's car (to himself) and hoping you weren't home.
PATRICK: We would have come by to pick it up.
JAKE: Happy to save you the trouble. (holds up a picture of Emma and Robin) By the way, I recognize that woman. I might have known her in my previous life.
PATRICK: That's my ex-wife. I think you might be mistaken.
JAKE: Distinct state of deja vu here.
PATRICK: You must have seen a picture of her somewhere else.
JAKE: Maybe. Here are your keys, Sam. Oops! I probably never played baseball. Let me go get them for you (looks under couch and sees keys and Jason's wedding ring.
Q MANSION
ALEXIS: You didn't really give your shares to Franco, did you, Ned?
NED: (fingers crossed behind back) Nah, it didn't come to that.
ALEXIS: That's a relief. It's not like ELQ isn't hemorrhaging enough already. Then there's Michael, who's hell-bent on self-destruction.
NED: Want me to try to straighten him out? Look what magic I worked with Franco!
ALEXIS: I need to go make sure he hasn't jumped off any buildings. And talk to Nikolas about Helena snatching up ELQ shares.
FRANCO & NINA'S SUITE
FRANCO: Check this out, Nina. The ELQ stock certificates, live and in person!
NINA: Yay Franco.
FRANCO: Okay, what's eating you now?
NINA: Auntie Liesl. She came over yesterday and accused me of taking the baby. Go figure. First you accuse me, then Jay, now Auntie Liesl. It's really starting to get on my nerves.
FRANCO: Why? It's not like you, I don't know, actually TOOK her.
NINA: You STILL think I have the baby, don't you?
FRANCO: I believe you, Nina. I don't think you took the kid.
NINA: And then Auntie Liesl said that she knew a secret about me that I don't know.
FRANCO: What is it about people in this town and secrets. You'd think we're on a soap opera or something.
WYNDEMERE
HAYDEN: Surprise!
NIKOLAS: I don't believe it. What now?
HAYDEN: I took a friggin' BOAT to come here, so you're gonna have sex with me.
NIKOLAS: Maybe Grandmother was right.
HAYDEN: Come on, Princey-Prince. Don't you want me, baby? Don't you want me NOW?
NIKOLAS: DAMMIT! (Nikolas & Hayden have sex)
ALEXIS: Nikolas?
HAYDEN: Is that granny?
NIKOLAS: It's my aunt. Disappear. NOW!
HAYDEN'S HOTEL ROOM
PETE: I need money and Ric doesn't have any on him. You'll give it to me or the jig is up.
HAYDEN: Damn! You have a talent for extortion.
PETE: Blackmail's my middle name.
OUTSIDE HAYDEN'S ROOM
(Spinelli snaps a pic of Hayden and Pete shaking hands)
PETE: Deal?
HAYDEN: Fine. Deal.
WYNDEMERE
ALEXIS: You look a little...disheveled.
NIKOLAS: What an I say? Staring at numbers can put a guy to sleep. I took a little nap.
ALEXIS: Sorry to wake you. We need to talk about the 33% of ELQ that is in Cassadine hands. Did Helena let you in on any of her plans to take over the company?
NIKOLAS: (fingers crossed behind his back): Takeover? What takeover?
ALEXIS: That's what I thought.
Q MANSION
OLIVIA: I hate that you gave up ELQ shares because of me.
NED: You know why I did it, right? I did it because I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU!
OLIVIA: This is news to me. I totally thought I was in the friend zone.
NED: Not anymore you're not. (kisses Olivia)
Thursday, April 16, 2015
Shower Worthy
Sloane's shower at the MetroCourt is on the fritz so he asks Anna if she can use hers. Anna agrees, but for a price. Lucy encourages Duke to face his feelings for Anna. Dr. O visits Nina and rattles her cage about possible "dirty laundry". Nathan questions Silas in NYC and Silas fulfills Ava's wish. Olivia is horrified to learn that Ned traded ELQ shares for Franco's silence. Michael has another MetroCourt meltdown in front of Kiki and Julian.
ANNA'S HOTEL ROOM
SLOANE: I need a shower.
ANNA: That much is obvious. So go take one.
SLOANE: No can do. The one in my room is broken, so can I use yours?
ANNA: Only if you tell me who your informant is.
SLOANE: Nice try.
ANNA: No informant, no shower.
SLOANE: Fine, what if I give you another juicy tidbit of information?
ANNA: About?
SLOANE: Let me shower and I'll tell.
ANNA: Only I decide if your information is shower worthy.
SLOANE: My informant tells me the Jeromes are gunning for Duke. At least I think it's Duke. He didn't give specifics.
ANNA: So it could be Shawn or Sonny?
SLOANE: Possibly, but he said "senior" and Duke's older than them so I think it's him.
ANNA: Shower's yours.
NYC (OUTSIDE SECRET GREEN ROOM OF DEATH)
NATHAN: Silas, Avery is missing. Do you know anything about this?
SILAS: Am I experiencing deja vu? Are you back to accusing me of crimes I did not commit?
NATHAN: For the record, my mom made me do it.
SILAS: Nice one.
NATHAN: I brought up the subject of Franco because of his involvement with Nina in the baby's first kidnapping. She then suggested I question you because you were the last one to see Avery before she went missing.
SILAS: She's not here. Now if you will excuse me, I need to get back to my mystery patient.
NATHAN: Of course. Sorry for the trouble.
LUCY'S HOTEL ROOM
LUCY: Let's do the tango at the Nurses' Ball . No, let's not do the tango because that's a you and Anna thing.
DUKE: It's not like I know any other dances. I vote tango. Let's practice. (while they're practicing, Duke remembers dancing with Anna)
LUCY: Let's NOT do the tango. You're still in love with Anna, aren't you? It's totally okay because I'm still in love with Doc.
DUKE: So we're NOT in a relationship? I'M SO CONFUSED!
LUCY: I'll tell you what you need to do. You need to march over to Anna's room and let her know how you feel about her.
METROCOURT
KIKI: So it went down like this, Uncle Julian: Morgan switched Michael's allergy meds with roofies and they make him get drunk ten times faster. I was in on it the whole time and now Avery's missing because of me and Morgan and our stupid stupidity.
JULIAN: You are your mother's daughter, except for the whole putting your little sister in danger part. Now THAT was stupid.
MICHAEL: Can a guy get a drink around here?
BARTENDER: Can't serve you, Mr. Q. You're hammered.
MICHAEL: Well look who it is. Keeks and Uncle Mobster. Worried sick about AJ? I THINK NOT! 'Cuz if you WERE, you'd be OUT LOOKING FOR HER!
KIKI: OF COURSE, I'm worried about AVERY!
MICHAEL: Worried MY ASS! She was kidnapped when YOU were supposed to be watching her. YOU, BECAUSE YOU HAD HER TAKEN FROM ME!
JULIAN: Hey Michael, take your drunken accusations somewhere else, man. We're trying to eat here.
MICHAEL: Far be it for me to get between a man and his BREAKFAST when MY BABY SISTER IS MISSING!
Q MANSION
FRANCO: I'm here to collect.
ALEXIS: Collect WHAT? Are you under the LSD-induced delusion that you're still a Quartermaine?
FRANCO: LSD? That was so...February! Ned here owes me his ELQ shares. We made a deal and it's time to pay the piper. That would be me. I'm the piper. But not the pied piper. Unless it's lemon meringue. So cough up those shares, Ned.
OLIVIA: OM to the G!
ALEXIS: Maybe the LSD has left Franco's system, but I'm not so sure Ned didn't get a dose of it himself. What possessed you to give up your shares to FRANCO?
OLIVIA: He was trying to get them off my back. When I went to Shadybrook to welcome Franco to the I Was Drugged By Heather Webber Club, I kinda let it slip that membership comes with a free suite at the MetroCourt.
ALEXIS: It's becoming increasingly clear that I am the only sane one in this room. (answers phone) Now I have to tend to my loose cannon of a client who is causing another scene at the MetroCourt).
FRANCO & NINA'S SUITE
LIESL: Hand over ze baby, Nina.
NINA: I don't have the baby, Auntie Liesl.
LIESL: Vy don't I believe you?
NINA: You tell me. Why don't you believe me?
LIESL: My poor genius Franco, saddled viss such a parasite.
NINA: Liesl and Franco sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s--
LIESL: Zat vill be enough of zat silliness. My heaaht belongs to my Cesaaaaah.
NINA: What about Victor Cassadine?
LIESL: Vat about him? I vas never in love viss him.
NINA: But he's the father of Jay--I mean Nathan, or is he not my brother's father after all? Hmmm, intrigue!
LIESL: You stay out of my dirty laundry and I vill stay out of yours.
NINA: Everybody already knows the story of crazy Nina who was put in a coma for 23 years by her own mother.
LIESL: Zere are sings you may not know, Nina.
METROCOURT
ALEXIS: Michael, we're done here.
MICHAEL: I'm not going ANYWHERE with you, Benedict Alexis! Imma go find AJ.
ALEXIS: You will come with me OR ELSE I'll go all Cassadine on your ass.
Q MANSION
OLIVIA: Don't do it, Ned!
FRANCO: What's Julian's number again?
NED: I'm doing it Olivia, because YOU shouldn't have to put up with Wacko and Wackette mooching massages and champagne off you. (Hands folder with share certificates to Franco)
FRANCO: Muchas gracias. Pleasure doing business with you, Ned.
NED: You got you shares, now LEAVE OLIVIA ALONE OR ELSE!
ANNA'S HOTEL ROOM
DUKE: Hello...You're not Anna.
SLOANE: I've been told worse.
DUKE: Carry on. (leaves)
SECRET GREEN ROOM OF DEATH
AVA: What did the police want with you?
SILAS: They just had a few questions about Franco and Nina. There have been rumors that those two have been up to no good again.
AVA: That's the last time I'll hear those two names again.
SILAS: Are you sure you want to go through with this?
AVA: Let's get this done. It's fitting that yours is the last face I'll see. I could always count on you, even when it comes to The Needle Of Death.
SILAS: Speaking of said needle, it's ready to do it's...well, it's thing.
AVA: Then what are we waiting for?
SILAS: (Injects Ava with the drugs) I honestly never thought it would come to this.
AVA: Neither did I, but here we are.
SILAS: Goodbye, Ava. May you rest in peace. :........(
ANNA'S HOTEL ROOM
SLOANE: I need a shower.
ANNA: That much is obvious. So go take one.
SLOANE: No can do. The one in my room is broken, so can I use yours?
ANNA: Only if you tell me who your informant is.
SLOANE: Nice try.
ANNA: No informant, no shower.
SLOANE: Fine, what if I give you another juicy tidbit of information?
ANNA: About?
SLOANE: Let me shower and I'll tell.
ANNA: Only I decide if your information is shower worthy.
SLOANE: My informant tells me the Jeromes are gunning for Duke. At least I think it's Duke. He didn't give specifics.
ANNA: So it could be Shawn or Sonny?
SLOANE: Possibly, but he said "senior" and Duke's older than them so I think it's him.
ANNA: Shower's yours.
NYC (OUTSIDE SECRET GREEN ROOM OF DEATH)
NATHAN: Silas, Avery is missing. Do you know anything about this?
SILAS: Am I experiencing deja vu? Are you back to accusing me of crimes I did not commit?
NATHAN: For the record, my mom made me do it.
SILAS: Nice one.
NATHAN: I brought up the subject of Franco because of his involvement with Nina in the baby's first kidnapping. She then suggested I question you because you were the last one to see Avery before she went missing.
SILAS: She's not here. Now if you will excuse me, I need to get back to my mystery patient.
NATHAN: Of course. Sorry for the trouble.
LUCY'S HOTEL ROOM
LUCY: Let's do the tango at the Nurses' Ball . No, let's not do the tango because that's a you and Anna thing.
DUKE: It's not like I know any other dances. I vote tango. Let's practice. (while they're practicing, Duke remembers dancing with Anna)
LUCY: Let's NOT do the tango. You're still in love with Anna, aren't you? It's totally okay because I'm still in love with Doc.
DUKE: So we're NOT in a relationship? I'M SO CONFUSED!
LUCY: I'll tell you what you need to do. You need to march over to Anna's room and let her know how you feel about her.
METROCOURT
KIKI: So it went down like this, Uncle Julian: Morgan switched Michael's allergy meds with roofies and they make him get drunk ten times faster. I was in on it the whole time and now Avery's missing because of me and Morgan and our stupid stupidity.
JULIAN: You are your mother's daughter, except for the whole putting your little sister in danger part. Now THAT was stupid.
MICHAEL: Can a guy get a drink around here?
BARTENDER: Can't serve you, Mr. Q. You're hammered.
MICHAEL: Well look who it is. Keeks and Uncle Mobster. Worried sick about AJ? I THINK NOT! 'Cuz if you WERE, you'd be OUT LOOKING FOR HER!
KIKI: OF COURSE, I'm worried about AVERY!
MICHAEL: Worried MY ASS! She was kidnapped when YOU were supposed to be watching her. YOU, BECAUSE YOU HAD HER TAKEN FROM ME!
JULIAN: Hey Michael, take your drunken accusations somewhere else, man. We're trying to eat here.
MICHAEL: Far be it for me to get between a man and his BREAKFAST when MY BABY SISTER IS MISSING!
Q MANSION
FRANCO: I'm here to collect.
ALEXIS: Collect WHAT? Are you under the LSD-induced delusion that you're still a Quartermaine?
FRANCO: LSD? That was so...February! Ned here owes me his ELQ shares. We made a deal and it's time to pay the piper. That would be me. I'm the piper. But not the pied piper. Unless it's lemon meringue. So cough up those shares, Ned.
OLIVIA: OM to the G!
ALEXIS: Maybe the LSD has left Franco's system, but I'm not so sure Ned didn't get a dose of it himself. What possessed you to give up your shares to FRANCO?
OLIVIA: He was trying to get them off my back. When I went to Shadybrook to welcome Franco to the I Was Drugged By Heather Webber Club, I kinda let it slip that membership comes with a free suite at the MetroCourt.
ALEXIS: It's becoming increasingly clear that I am the only sane one in this room. (answers phone) Now I have to tend to my loose cannon of a client who is causing another scene at the MetroCourt).
FRANCO & NINA'S SUITE
LIESL: Hand over ze baby, Nina.
NINA: I don't have the baby, Auntie Liesl.
LIESL: Vy don't I believe you?
NINA: You tell me. Why don't you believe me?
LIESL: My poor genius Franco, saddled viss such a parasite.
NINA: Liesl and Franco sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s--
LIESL: Zat vill be enough of zat silliness. My heaaht belongs to my Cesaaaaah.
NINA: What about Victor Cassadine?
LIESL: Vat about him? I vas never in love viss him.
NINA: But he's the father of Jay--I mean Nathan, or is he not my brother's father after all? Hmmm, intrigue!
LIESL: You stay out of my dirty laundry and I vill stay out of yours.
NINA: Everybody already knows the story of crazy Nina who was put in a coma for 23 years by her own mother.
LIESL: Zere are sings you may not know, Nina.
METROCOURT
ALEXIS: Michael, we're done here.
MICHAEL: I'm not going ANYWHERE with you, Benedict Alexis! Imma go find AJ.
ALEXIS: You will come with me OR ELSE I'll go all Cassadine on your ass.
Q MANSION
OLIVIA: Don't do it, Ned!
FRANCO: What's Julian's number again?
NED: I'm doing it Olivia, because YOU shouldn't have to put up with Wacko and Wackette mooching massages and champagne off you. (Hands folder with share certificates to Franco)
FRANCO: Muchas gracias. Pleasure doing business with you, Ned.
NED: You got you shares, now LEAVE OLIVIA ALONE OR ELSE!
ANNA'S HOTEL ROOM
DUKE: Hello...You're not Anna.
SLOANE: I've been told worse.
DUKE: Carry on. (leaves)
SECRET GREEN ROOM OF DEATH
AVA: What did the police want with you?
SILAS: They just had a few questions about Franco and Nina. There have been rumors that those two have been up to no good again.
AVA: That's the last time I'll hear those two names again.
SILAS: Are you sure you want to go through with this?
AVA: Let's get this done. It's fitting that yours is the last face I'll see. I could always count on you, even when it comes to The Needle Of Death.
SILAS: Speaking of said needle, it's ready to do it's...well, it's thing.
AVA: Then what are we waiting for?
SILAS: (Injects Ava with the drugs) I honestly never thought it would come to this.
AVA: Neither did I, but here we are.
SILAS: Goodbye, Ava. May you rest in peace. :........(
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