Hayden crashes Nikolas & Liz's tete-a-tete at Wyndemere. Port Chuckles bids farewell to The Kilted Wonder, Duke Lavery. Sonny has a fake-out dream that Duke is still alive. Julian is thrown off by Jake's release from police custody.
PATRICK'S HOUSE
EMMA: I'm sure gonna miss Uncle Duke. He was a nice guy. Is he really dead or just soap dead like Mommy was.
PATRICK: I saw him flatline, sweetie, but then again, Dr. Obrecht was seen leaving his ER cubicle and she has connections with the Cassadine chill chambers, so you never know.
SAM: What your dad is trying to say is that death is not always what it seems in this town.
PATRICK: Yeah, that's it. Now get your funeral finery on so we can be there for your grandma.
CHURCH
ANNA: I still can't believe he's gone.
SLOANE: If it makes you feel any better, here is his goon's phone. He really was going to call of the hit on Jordan.
ANNA: (listening to the message): It's good to hear his voice. That accent!
DUKE'S URN: See, I told you so, Commissioner Sloane!
WYNDEMERE
LIZ: Why is Jason's fake wife LIVING with you?
NIKOLAS: It's complicated.
LIZ: She's a lying tramp! What's complicated about that?
NIKOLAS: She knows Jake is Jason.
LIZ: Say WHAAAAAAAAAT?
CHURCH
FELICIA: I'm so sorry Anna! Duke was a great guy.
MAC: I'm so sorry, Anna! Duke was a great guy.
LUCY: Duke and I weren't REALLY going out. He was still in love with YOU, Anna.
NATHAN: I'm so sorry, Anna. Duke was a great guy. Glad I never had to actually arrest him.
DANTE: I'm so sorry, Anna.
LULU: I'm so sorry, Anna. Duke was a great guy.
MAXIE: I'm so sorry, Anna. Duke had the best fashion sense of any mobster I knew.
EMMA: I'm here for you, Grandma.
SONNY: Duke was the best.
ANNA: It's YOUR FAULT he's dead, Sonny! You dragged him into your mobularity!
MINISTER: Ashes to ashes, dust to dust...
GARAGE
JULIAN: So the cops hauled you in for Duke's murder then just let you go? Something doesn't add up.
JAKE: Well, they made me spend the night in the interrogation room if that makes you feel any better.
JULIAN: What did you tell them?
JAKE: That I saw a gun, some blood, and picked up the gun. That's all she wrote!
JULIAN: And they just let you go?
JAKE: After asking me the same questions about 5,000 times, yes. They still think it's me, but whatever.
JULIAN: You're willing to take the fall? What's the catch?
JAKE: I owe you for giving me a job. Plus, Sloane bought me doughnuts.
PATRICK'S HOUSE
SAM: Oh look. The wedding ring canister. I still miss Jason, even though Patrick is the hottest doctor EVER! I'm so conflicted. Oh well, THERE'S my purse.
WYNDEMERE
LIZ: If Hayden knows about Jason, we're SCREWED! What's to keep her from running her yap all over Port Chuckles?
NIKOLAS: Bingo! Why ELSE do you think I'm letting her live here and I'm giving her all the Petit Mort she wants?
HAYDEN: Did I hear someone say La Petit Mort?
Thursday, May 14, 2015
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
Mobster With A Conscience
That is what Jake (still not knowing that he is Jason) says, albeit, indirectly, about Sonny when he tries to break up with Liz for her own safety. Sonny & Shawn confront Julian, who lies through his teeth, claiming to have no idea who shot Duke. Dante & Ned try to talk some sense into Olivia before she takes off for Bensonhurst with her premature baby. Lulu & Valerie confront Nikolas and Hayden at Wyndemere. Sabrina learns that Carlos shot Duke. Anna and Sloane go looking for Carlos and find Sabrina bound and gagged.
HOSPITAL
OLIVIA: I say we take the baby and RUN! We can hang out with Melissa in Bensonhurst.
DANTE: Hello, ma? The kid is in the NICU because he can't breathe on his own!
NED: Dante's right, Liv. Doing what's best for your son is not snatching him from the NICU. Besides, do you think a mob war is going to break out in there or something?
OLIVIA: Maybe you're right, but we have to keep Julian out of here.
WYNDEMERE
LULU: How's my little Phantom nephew?
NIKOLAS: He's doing much better after his mom paid him a visit from beyond the grave. She even got him to take his mask off.
LULU: She has some serious ghost cred to get him to do that.
NIKOLAS: He saw his scar and it wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. Living in a haunted mansion has its benefits.
HAYDEN: Breakfast mimosas for moi? You shouldn't have?
LULU: Excyuuuse me, aren't you Jake Doe's fake wife? What are you doing here?
HAYDEN: What does it LOOK like I'm doing here? I'm sexing up your big brother.
LULU: Say WHAAAAAAT?
PCPD
ANNA: So if Jake didn't kill Duke, than it must have been Julian's other goon, Carlos Rivera.
SLOANE: Way to go with the evidence, Agent Devane.
ANNA: The fabricated evidence that almost got your informant's head blown off?
SLOANE: Wouldn't brag about that if I were you. You were two seconds away from murdering an innocent man until I saved your ass.
ANNA: Back to Carlos. I know he's hiding out with his ex-fiancee Sabrina Santiago and I'm going to hunt him down and do to him what you thankfully stopped me from doing to Jake.
SLOANE: Have you forgotten you're not the commish anymore? I'm coming with.
SABRINA'S APARTMENT
SABRINA: Carrrrrrrrrlos, I know what you did. You SHOT DUKE!
CARLOS: I shot AVA, querrrrrrrrrida. I shot her on the bridge and my trial is coming up, remember?
SABRINA: I'd be careful if I were you. My friend Elizabeth taught me a thing or two about bitch slapping.
CARLOS: You wouldn't slap me Zabrrrrrrrrrina! I'm your Carrrrrrrrrrlos! See how clean and fresh I am? Smell me, Zabrrrrrrrrina! Smell me! Fresh as a daisy.
SABRINA: Get out but before you do, tie me up so it looks like you took me hostage again.
HOSPITAL
SONNY: Just where do you think you're going, jailbreak buddy?
JULIAN: I have a sick preemie in the NICU. Priorities, Sonny, priorities.
SONNY: Since when did you knock someone up?
JULIAN: You know her. You have a kid by her too. Olivia Falconeri.
SONNY: Don't be ridiculous, Julian! Ned's the father of Olivia's baby.
JULIAN: Come ON, Sonny! Try to keep up! I am the father of that baby. I knocked her up on New Year's Eve and the kid is way, way, premature. I NEED to see him.
SONNY: You NEED to pay for what you did to Duke.
JULIAN: And what would that be?
SONNY: You killed him, you bastard! Or is your memory as bad as that Jake Doe chump Carly's all over?
JULIAN: I didn't kill Duke. I was at the Nurses' Ball. Lucas got engaged, by the way.
SONNY: You ordered the hit and I need to know who pulled the trigger! Amnesia Boy or Grease Monkey?
JULIAN: I can't tell ya what I don't know. See you later, Sonny. I've got lullabies to sing.
WYNDEMERE
HAYDEN: Not only is he giving it to me on demand, but your princely brother is putting me up too. Funds are a little tight after the whole Ric thing went down.
LULU: She's LIVING here, Nikolas?
NIKOLAS: After you convinced me to let your cousin stay here, I figured I'd turn Wyndemere into a hotel for destitute women in this town.
VALERIE: Hey!
LULU: He's just kidding, Cuz. You are just kidding, right? That tramp who screwed with Elizabeth and Jake isn't really living here, is she?
HAYDEN: Judgy, judgy!
NIKOLAS: This place is plenty big enough for both Valerie and Hayden.
VALERIE: And here I thought her name was Rosalie.
HAYDEN: That day it was. Today it's Hayden. Tomorrow, I'm feeling like, oh, Angelina?
LULU: I'm outta here. Dante's little brother was born last night.
VALERIE: No way! I'm coming with!
HOSPITAL
DANTE: Hey, Dad, a little heads-up. Don't go starting any mob wars in this hospital. My teeny-tiny microscopic little brother is up there trying to learn to breathe on his own and he doesn't need the distraction.
SONNY: But Julian killed my bestie!
DANTE: Let us cops take care of Julian. You and Shawn keep you hands clean. Got it?
JAKE: Uhlizabeth, I can't be with you anymore because my mobbishness might be dangerous for you.
LIZ: Hello! I dated JASON MORGAN, who was Sonny's number two. I can handle being a mob moll. All I want to know is whether or not you killed Duke.
JAKE: I can't tell you.
LIZ: Either you pulled the trigger or you didn't. Which was it?
JAKE: Maybe.
LIZ: Oh well. I'm still not breaking up with you. Besides, Sonny wouldn't dare go after my kids.
JAKE: That's right. Sonny is the mobster with a conscience. His goons might be another story.
SABRINA'S APARTMENT
SLOANE: Open up! Police! (Kicks down door to find Sabrina bound and gagged)
ANNA: Sabrina! What happened? Where is Carlos?
HOSPITAL
OLIVIA: I say we take the baby and RUN! We can hang out with Melissa in Bensonhurst.
DANTE: Hello, ma? The kid is in the NICU because he can't breathe on his own!
NED: Dante's right, Liv. Doing what's best for your son is not snatching him from the NICU. Besides, do you think a mob war is going to break out in there or something?
OLIVIA: Maybe you're right, but we have to keep Julian out of here.
WYNDEMERE
LULU: How's my little Phantom nephew?
NIKOLAS: He's doing much better after his mom paid him a visit from beyond the grave. She even got him to take his mask off.
LULU: She has some serious ghost cred to get him to do that.
NIKOLAS: He saw his scar and it wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. Living in a haunted mansion has its benefits.
HAYDEN: Breakfast mimosas for moi? You shouldn't have?
LULU: Excyuuuse me, aren't you Jake Doe's fake wife? What are you doing here?
HAYDEN: What does it LOOK like I'm doing here? I'm sexing up your big brother.
LULU: Say WHAAAAAAT?
PCPD
ANNA: So if Jake didn't kill Duke, than it must have been Julian's other goon, Carlos Rivera.
SLOANE: Way to go with the evidence, Agent Devane.
ANNA: The fabricated evidence that almost got your informant's head blown off?
SLOANE: Wouldn't brag about that if I were you. You were two seconds away from murdering an innocent man until I saved your ass.
ANNA: Back to Carlos. I know he's hiding out with his ex-fiancee Sabrina Santiago and I'm going to hunt him down and do to him what you thankfully stopped me from doing to Jake.
SLOANE: Have you forgotten you're not the commish anymore? I'm coming with.
SABRINA'S APARTMENT
SABRINA: Carrrrrrrrrlos, I know what you did. You SHOT DUKE!
CARLOS: I shot AVA, querrrrrrrrrida. I shot her on the bridge and my trial is coming up, remember?
SABRINA: I'd be careful if I were you. My friend Elizabeth taught me a thing or two about bitch slapping.
CARLOS: You wouldn't slap me Zabrrrrrrrrrina! I'm your Carrrrrrrrrrlos! See how clean and fresh I am? Smell me, Zabrrrrrrrrina! Smell me! Fresh as a daisy.
SABRINA: Get out but before you do, tie me up so it looks like you took me hostage again.
HOSPITAL
SONNY: Just where do you think you're going, jailbreak buddy?
JULIAN: I have a sick preemie in the NICU. Priorities, Sonny, priorities.
SONNY: Since when did you knock someone up?
JULIAN: You know her. You have a kid by her too. Olivia Falconeri.
SONNY: Don't be ridiculous, Julian! Ned's the father of Olivia's baby.
JULIAN: Come ON, Sonny! Try to keep up! I am the father of that baby. I knocked her up on New Year's Eve and the kid is way, way, premature. I NEED to see him.
SONNY: You NEED to pay for what you did to Duke.
JULIAN: And what would that be?
SONNY: You killed him, you bastard! Or is your memory as bad as that Jake Doe chump Carly's all over?
JULIAN: I didn't kill Duke. I was at the Nurses' Ball. Lucas got engaged, by the way.
SONNY: You ordered the hit and I need to know who pulled the trigger! Amnesia Boy or Grease Monkey?
JULIAN: I can't tell ya what I don't know. See you later, Sonny. I've got lullabies to sing.
WYNDEMERE
HAYDEN: Not only is he giving it to me on demand, but your princely brother is putting me up too. Funds are a little tight after the whole Ric thing went down.
LULU: She's LIVING here, Nikolas?
NIKOLAS: After you convinced me to let your cousin stay here, I figured I'd turn Wyndemere into a hotel for destitute women in this town.
VALERIE: Hey!
LULU: He's just kidding, Cuz. You are just kidding, right? That tramp who screwed with Elizabeth and Jake isn't really living here, is she?
HAYDEN: Judgy, judgy!
NIKOLAS: This place is plenty big enough for both Valerie and Hayden.
VALERIE: And here I thought her name was Rosalie.
HAYDEN: That day it was. Today it's Hayden. Tomorrow, I'm feeling like, oh, Angelina?
LULU: I'm outta here. Dante's little brother was born last night.
VALERIE: No way! I'm coming with!
HOSPITAL
DANTE: Hey, Dad, a little heads-up. Don't go starting any mob wars in this hospital. My teeny-tiny microscopic little brother is up there trying to learn to breathe on his own and he doesn't need the distraction.
SONNY: But Julian killed my bestie!
DANTE: Let us cops take care of Julian. You and Shawn keep you hands clean. Got it?
JAKE: Uhlizabeth, I can't be with you anymore because my mobbishness might be dangerous for you.
LIZ: Hello! I dated JASON MORGAN, who was Sonny's number two. I can handle being a mob moll. All I want to know is whether or not you killed Duke.
JAKE: I can't tell you.
LIZ: Either you pulled the trigger or you didn't. Which was it?
JAKE: Maybe.
LIZ: Oh well. I'm still not breaking up with you. Besides, Sonny wouldn't dare go after my kids.
JAKE: That's right. Sonny is the mobster with a conscience. His goons might be another story.
SABRINA'S APARTMENT
SLOANE: Open up! Police! (Kicks down door to find Sabrina bound and gagged)
ANNA: Sabrina! What happened? Where is Carlos?
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
Run, Julian, Run!
Julian Jerome is having a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day in Port Chuckles. His preemie son is on life support, Alexis bolts when he confesses to ordering a hit on Duke and Sonny & Shawn ambush him at the hospital elevator. Not to mention that Anna threatened vigilante justice on him. Liesl informs Liz that Jake is a suspect in Duke's murder. Olivia confesses to Dante that Julian is the father of her baby. Jake is between a rock and a hard place when Sloane has him take the rap for Duke's shooting. Carly tells all to Sonny about exposing Ric's scam at the Nurses' Ball.
HOSPITAL
ANNA: Duke, I'm going to miss you so much. You couldn't even bring yourself to insult my cooking.
DUKE'S SPIRIT: Always the chivalrous Scotsman, wasn't I?
ANNA: I still can't believe you're gone.
DUKE'S SPIRIT: Don't worry, my dear Anna. There are kilts in heaven and bagpipes too. Who knew St. Peter liked Scottish music.
LIESL: Now now, Anna, ve must deliver ze remains of Duke Lavery to ze morgue.
ANNA: Scram, Obrecht! Duke's Spirit and I are having a moment.
LIESL: More like six hours!
ANNA: How can Duke be gone? We just danced the best tango of our lives. A tango that convinced us we must run away together.
LIESL: You may not believe zis, but I am sorry for your loss, Anna.
PCPD
JAKE: So I have two choices here: Go to jail or go to jail. Decisions, decisions.
SLOANE: If you cooperate with me, you'll only be going to jail until we can convince the judge that the PCPD forbade you to pee until you gave a full confession and flubbed your Miranda rights to boot.
JAKE: How am I going to explain to Uhlizabeth that I'm going to the clink? Before I showed up at that garage, I had the best sex of my life. At least I think it was. My memory only goes back so far, as you know.
SLOANE: How you deal with your girlfriend is none of my beeswax. If you don't cooperate, you'll be in the so-called "clink" for a whole lot longer. How will you explain THAT to your lady love?
SONNY'S HOUSE
CARLY: So Ric was singing this sappy marriage proposal song to Elizabeth and guess who shows up onstage in the middle of his number? ME and FAKE JAKE! You see, Fake Jake is the guy your slimeball brother Ric hired to pose as Jake's "before" pictures with his phony-baloney wife Hayden, who is nothing but a lying slut by the way. Ric turned a sick shade of green and Elizabeth, she was devastated that her con-man boyfriend lied to her AGAIN!
SONNY: Let me know when we get to the part where this is any of your business.
CARLY: Come on, Sonny! You know me well enough to know that I'm INCAPABLE of minding my own business, especially when it comes to other women and men who remind me of Jason.
SONNY: This Jake, he works for the Jeromes. I may have to take him out, Carly. Just a little heads-up.
HOSPITAL
JULIAN: (wringing his hands) Why can't I see my son?
ALEXIS: Because you scare the crap out of Olivia, that's why.
JULIAN: I need to know if he's breathing, at the very least. This is my flesh and blood, Alexis.
ALEXIS: He's in the hospital, being taken care of by really smart people with medical degrees. Changing the subject, Duke didn't make it last night.
JULIAN: You don't say.
ALEXIS: You killed him, didn't you?
JULIAN: Unless I have a clone I don't know about, I didn't lay a hand or a gun for that matter on Duke. We were together at the Nurses' Ball, remember?
ALEXIS: Hello! Earth to mob kingpin! You ordered the hit and one of your goons did the dirty work. Am I on the right track here?
JULIAN: Yeah, I did it.
ALEXIS: We're over, Julian. NO SEX FOR YOU!
JORDAN'S APARTMENT
SHAWN: Julian's a dead man.
JORDAN: Can we press the pause button on mobularity for 5 minutes?
SHAWN: We need to at least let Duke know that the Jeromes are after your blood.
JORDAN: Let me introduce you to the concept of a cell phone.
SHAWN: Been there. Done that. We need to go straight to the top.
HOSPITAL
DANTE: Mom, what happened? Is my little brother okay? I can't believe I have a brother that's like 30 years younger than me. I have a kid older than him.
OLIVIA: I'm crying happy tears because my son is still breathing.
DANTE: He's a little fighter, that one. Three pounds of badass!
OLIVIA: I have a confession to make. Ned's not my baby-daddy.
DANTE: Was it Sonny?
OLIVIA: Not Sonny, but you're getting warmer.
DANTE: Now you're making me nervous. Who's my little bro's dad?
OLIVIA: Promise you won't yell at me?
DANTE: Promise. Just tell me, ma!
OLIVIA: Julian Jerome.
DANTE: Say WHAAAAAAAAAT?
PCPD
ANNA: (aiming gun at Jake) Prepare to die, Jake Doe, or whatever your name really is.
JAKE: As far as I know, it's Jake, but the Doe thing, who knows?
ANNA: Shut up and answer my questions. Did you kill Duke Lavery
JAKE: I plead the fifth.
ANNA: Wrong answer!
JAKE: It's complicated.
ANNA: Another wrong answer. You're a dead man in one...two...
SLOANE: Anna! (wrestles gun away from Anna's hand) This guy is innocent. He's my snitch.
ANNA: Oh really?
SLOANE: I made a deal with the guy. He works as a rat for Julian's mob and I drop the 6,000 charges against him while he was operating under the Helena chip.
SONNY'S HOUSE
SONNY: Let me try Duke at his top secret number.
SLOANE: PCPD Commissioner Sloane speaking.
SONNY: Hey, Sloane, what are you doing with Duke's phone?
SLOANE: About that...
HOSPITAL
OLIVIA: There's only one way to keep my baby safe from Julian. We need to skip town.
DANTE: Say WHAAAAAAAAAT?
LIESL: Nurse Webber! Stop zis texting and get to work on zese files! No, vait, I have a bettah idea. You can go down to ze morgue and tend to ze deah depahted Duke Lavery.
LIZ: Do they know who did it?
LIESL: Zey have a suspect in custody. I am surprised you don't already know. It is your deeply indebted friend Jake Doe.
LIZ: He COULDN'T have done it. We were just having...Never mind!
SONNY'S HOUSE
SONNY: Duke's dead. I'm back in the mob. Let's go kill Julian.
CARLY: Have you ever thought of, I don't know, grief couseling?
SONNY: See you later, Carly. Let's go, Shawn.
HOSPITAL
JULIAN: Man, does life suck right now. My tiny son is fighting for his life and I can't even see whether or not he looks like me. I lost Alexis. Anna's after my blood. I hear New Zealand's nice this time of year.
SONNY: Hey there, frenemy!
SHAWN: You going DOWN, Jerome.
HOSPITAL
ANNA: Duke, I'm going to miss you so much. You couldn't even bring yourself to insult my cooking.
DUKE'S SPIRIT: Always the chivalrous Scotsman, wasn't I?
ANNA: I still can't believe you're gone.
DUKE'S SPIRIT: Don't worry, my dear Anna. There are kilts in heaven and bagpipes too. Who knew St. Peter liked Scottish music.
LIESL: Now now, Anna, ve must deliver ze remains of Duke Lavery to ze morgue.
ANNA: Scram, Obrecht! Duke's Spirit and I are having a moment.
LIESL: More like six hours!
ANNA: How can Duke be gone? We just danced the best tango of our lives. A tango that convinced us we must run away together.
LIESL: You may not believe zis, but I am sorry for your loss, Anna.
PCPD
JAKE: So I have two choices here: Go to jail or go to jail. Decisions, decisions.
SLOANE: If you cooperate with me, you'll only be going to jail until we can convince the judge that the PCPD forbade you to pee until you gave a full confession and flubbed your Miranda rights to boot.
JAKE: How am I going to explain to Uhlizabeth that I'm going to the clink? Before I showed up at that garage, I had the best sex of my life. At least I think it was. My memory only goes back so far, as you know.
SLOANE: How you deal with your girlfriend is none of my beeswax. If you don't cooperate, you'll be in the so-called "clink" for a whole lot longer. How will you explain THAT to your lady love?
SONNY'S HOUSE
CARLY: So Ric was singing this sappy marriage proposal song to Elizabeth and guess who shows up onstage in the middle of his number? ME and FAKE JAKE! You see, Fake Jake is the guy your slimeball brother Ric hired to pose as Jake's "before" pictures with his phony-baloney wife Hayden, who is nothing but a lying slut by the way. Ric turned a sick shade of green and Elizabeth, she was devastated that her con-man boyfriend lied to her AGAIN!
SONNY: Let me know when we get to the part where this is any of your business.
CARLY: Come on, Sonny! You know me well enough to know that I'm INCAPABLE of minding my own business, especially when it comes to other women and men who remind me of Jason.
SONNY: This Jake, he works for the Jeromes. I may have to take him out, Carly. Just a little heads-up.
HOSPITAL
JULIAN: (wringing his hands) Why can't I see my son?
ALEXIS: Because you scare the crap out of Olivia, that's why.
JULIAN: I need to know if he's breathing, at the very least. This is my flesh and blood, Alexis.
ALEXIS: He's in the hospital, being taken care of by really smart people with medical degrees. Changing the subject, Duke didn't make it last night.
JULIAN: You don't say.
ALEXIS: You killed him, didn't you?
JULIAN: Unless I have a clone I don't know about, I didn't lay a hand or a gun for that matter on Duke. We were together at the Nurses' Ball, remember?
ALEXIS: Hello! Earth to mob kingpin! You ordered the hit and one of your goons did the dirty work. Am I on the right track here?
JULIAN: Yeah, I did it.
ALEXIS: We're over, Julian. NO SEX FOR YOU!
JORDAN'S APARTMENT
SHAWN: Julian's a dead man.
JORDAN: Can we press the pause button on mobularity for 5 minutes?
SHAWN: We need to at least let Duke know that the Jeromes are after your blood.
JORDAN: Let me introduce you to the concept of a cell phone.
SHAWN: Been there. Done that. We need to go straight to the top.
HOSPITAL
DANTE: Mom, what happened? Is my little brother okay? I can't believe I have a brother that's like 30 years younger than me. I have a kid older than him.
OLIVIA: I'm crying happy tears because my son is still breathing.
DANTE: He's a little fighter, that one. Three pounds of badass!
OLIVIA: I have a confession to make. Ned's not my baby-daddy.
DANTE: Was it Sonny?
OLIVIA: Not Sonny, but you're getting warmer.
DANTE: Now you're making me nervous. Who's my little bro's dad?
OLIVIA: Promise you won't yell at me?
DANTE: Promise. Just tell me, ma!
OLIVIA: Julian Jerome.
DANTE: Say WHAAAAAAAAAT?
PCPD
ANNA: (aiming gun at Jake) Prepare to die, Jake Doe, or whatever your name really is.
JAKE: As far as I know, it's Jake, but the Doe thing, who knows?
ANNA: Shut up and answer my questions. Did you kill Duke Lavery
JAKE: I plead the fifth.
ANNA: Wrong answer!
JAKE: It's complicated.
ANNA: Another wrong answer. You're a dead man in one...two...
SLOANE: Anna! (wrestles gun away from Anna's hand) This guy is innocent. He's my snitch.
ANNA: Oh really?
SLOANE: I made a deal with the guy. He works as a rat for Julian's mob and I drop the 6,000 charges against him while he was operating under the Helena chip.
SONNY'S HOUSE
SONNY: Let me try Duke at his top secret number.
SLOANE: PCPD Commissioner Sloane speaking.
SONNY: Hey, Sloane, what are you doing with Duke's phone?
SLOANE: About that...
HOSPITAL
OLIVIA: There's only one way to keep my baby safe from Julian. We need to skip town.
DANTE: Say WHAAAAAAAAAT?
LIESL: Nurse Webber! Stop zis texting and get to work on zese files! No, vait, I have a bettah idea. You can go down to ze morgue and tend to ze deah depahted Duke Lavery.
LIZ: Do they know who did it?
LIESL: Zey have a suspect in custody. I am surprised you don't already know. It is your deeply indebted friend Jake Doe.
LIZ: He COULDN'T have done it. We were just having...Never mind!
SONNY'S HOUSE
SONNY: Duke's dead. I'm back in the mob. Let's go kill Julian.
CARLY: Have you ever thought of, I don't know, grief couseling?
SONNY: See you later, Carly. Let's go, Shawn.
HOSPITAL
JULIAN: Man, does life suck right now. My tiny son is fighting for his life and I can't even see whether or not he looks like me. I lost Alexis. Anna's after my blood. I hear New Zealand's nice this time of year.
SONNY: Hey there, frenemy!
SHAWN: You going DOWN, Jerome.
Monday, May 11, 2015
RIP Duke Lavery
Duke is dead, at least as dead as a soap opera character can be. Olivia & Julian's premature baby is on his way to the NICU. Carrrrrrrlos wants his Zabrrrrrina to hide him at her apartment so he can skip town after shooting Duke. Michael tells Tracy that Ned gave his ELQ shares to Franco to protect Olivia. Jake is held for questioning at the PCPD about the shooting in the MetroCourt parking garage. Sloane warns Shawn and Jordan to cease and desist with the mob war.
PIER
ANNA: Duke, stay with me, Duke! Who did this to you? Never mind that, let's go to Scotland where you can wear kilts every day. You look so sexy in a kilt. Duke, please hang on.
DUKE: Anna? I tried...I tried to call the...hit on Jordan...off.
ANNA: Good boy! It's all right. I totally forgive you for trying to kill Jordan. Just stay alive for me so we can run away together. The ambulance is on its way.
DUKE: I...love you...Anna! (loses consciousness)
PCPD
NATHAN: So, Doe, when are you going to tell me how the gun and the blood ended up in the MetroCourt parking garage?
JAKE: Let me guess. Someone was shot.
NATHAN: The question is, who? Who was shot and who did the shooting? You work for the Jeromes. The Jeromes are mobsters. Ergo, you know something about this and you're not telling.
JAKE: If I knew, I'd tell you. I just fix cars, dude!
NATHAN: Yeah, and I wear this uniform to play cops and robbers. You shot me and you tried to blow up half the town.
JAKE: I didn't shoot you, my Cassadine brain chip did. Same goes for the bomb on the boat. If you want a name, I'll give you one. Carlos Rivera. He came to my hotel room and scared the crap out of my fake wife with his ginormous sniper rifle.
SABRINA'S APARTMENT
CARLOS: Zabrrrrrrrina! Hide me. I'm in big trouble, querrrrrrrrrida.
SABRINA: Not AGAIN, Carrrrrrrrrrrrlos! What did you do this time.
CARLOS: I'm skeered of my trial. They might send me back to da hoosegow.
SABRINA: I thought you were all confident that you could get away with shooting Ava.
CARLOS: Not anymore, querrrrrrrrrrida. Some kid looking for da big dipper saw me on da bridge shooting Ava. Please hide me, Zabrrrrrrrina! Just for one night so I can skip town.
SABRINA: Since you said please, okay. But you have to be GONE by the time Felix gets home tomorrow.
JORDAN'S APARTMENT
JORDAN: I think Anna and Duke are running away together because they're in LURVE!
SLOANE: She's in "lurve" with the man who ordered a hit on YOU, her informant.
SHAWN: I come back from a little 2 a.m. walk on the docks and the cops are here? What's up with that?
JORDAN: (fingers crossed behind back) One of the Jeromes tried to kill me. I went into badass mode and killed him instead.
SHAWN: Wait 'till I see Julian again. I'm gonna finish that bastard off!
SLOANE: I hereby declare a moratorium on mobbishness. No guns. No murders. No blood. No Vengeance. Got it?
SHAWN: But...But...
JORDAN: Understood.
SHAWN: This murder scene is seriously killing the mood, Jordan. How about we have sex at my place instead.
HOSPITAL
JULIAN: Hey, receptionist lady, where's my son?
RECEPTIONIST: Have you tried strapping a GPS to him?
JULIAN: He's a premature baby. It would slip right off of him.
RECEPTIONIST: Fine, what's the mother's name.
JULIAN: Olivia Falconeri. I had a one night stand with her on New Year's Eve and I sure hope that baby was SORASed while he was still inside her because she's only been preggers for five months.
OLIVIA: My baby! Please help my baby!
JULIAN: There he is. I wanna see him! I wanna see Julian Jerome, Jr.! DADDY'S COMING, TRIPLE J!
NED: That kid sure as hell isn't going to be named Julian Jerome, Jr. Alexis, put your lover boy on a leash and don't forget the muzzle!
JULIAN: I'm coming in to be by MY SON'S side. Deal with it, TED!
ANNA: Duke! DUKE! Stay alive, Duke! I'm going into that cubicle with him.
PATRICK: Anna, you need to stay out of the cubicle and let us try to save his life.
ANNA: But he can HEAR my words of encouragement and enchanting tales of life in Scotland!
PATRICK: Anna, I am saying this in the kindest way possible. Get lost!
NEONATAL DOC: Sir, you need to not be here right now.
JULIAN: How old are you? 15? There's no way you are qualified to save my three pounds of future mobster when you look like you should be in Algebra class right now.
NEONATAL DOC: Screw off, squeakypants! I'm trying to save your kid.
ANNA: Julian Jerome, pepare to be bitch-slapped into next week! (slaps Julian) YOU did this to Duke!
JULIAN: Me? I just came from the hotel, where Olivia and her fake baby-daddy banished me from the room where my son was being born.
ANNA: Don't be smart with me, Jerome! YOU sent one of your goons after him and I will exact vigilante justice on your arse!
ALEXIS: Julian, please tell me you didn't do a mobby thing like order a hit on Duke!
PATRICK: I'm so sorry, Anna.
ANNA: I'm gonna go in there and see for myself. (goes into Duke's cubicle) Oh Duke! You weren't supposed to die on me when we were about to run away to Scotland or Nova Scotia or Newfoundland or some other faraway or not so far away place to flee the mob together.
PIER
ANNA: Duke, stay with me, Duke! Who did this to you? Never mind that, let's go to Scotland where you can wear kilts every day. You look so sexy in a kilt. Duke, please hang on.
DUKE: Anna? I tried...I tried to call the...hit on Jordan...off.
ANNA: Good boy! It's all right. I totally forgive you for trying to kill Jordan. Just stay alive for me so we can run away together. The ambulance is on its way.
DUKE: I...love you...Anna! (loses consciousness)
PCPD
NATHAN: So, Doe, when are you going to tell me how the gun and the blood ended up in the MetroCourt parking garage?
JAKE: Let me guess. Someone was shot.
NATHAN: The question is, who? Who was shot and who did the shooting? You work for the Jeromes. The Jeromes are mobsters. Ergo, you know something about this and you're not telling.
JAKE: If I knew, I'd tell you. I just fix cars, dude!
NATHAN: Yeah, and I wear this uniform to play cops and robbers. You shot me and you tried to blow up half the town.
JAKE: I didn't shoot you, my Cassadine brain chip did. Same goes for the bomb on the boat. If you want a name, I'll give you one. Carlos Rivera. He came to my hotel room and scared the crap out of my fake wife with his ginormous sniper rifle.
SABRINA'S APARTMENT
CARLOS: Zabrrrrrrrina! Hide me. I'm in big trouble, querrrrrrrrrida.
SABRINA: Not AGAIN, Carrrrrrrrrrrrlos! What did you do this time.
CARLOS: I'm skeered of my trial. They might send me back to da hoosegow.
SABRINA: I thought you were all confident that you could get away with shooting Ava.
CARLOS: Not anymore, querrrrrrrrrrida. Some kid looking for da big dipper saw me on da bridge shooting Ava. Please hide me, Zabrrrrrrrina! Just for one night so I can skip town.
SABRINA: Since you said please, okay. But you have to be GONE by the time Felix gets home tomorrow.
JORDAN'S APARTMENT
JORDAN: I think Anna and Duke are running away together because they're in LURVE!
SLOANE: She's in "lurve" with the man who ordered a hit on YOU, her informant.
SHAWN: I come back from a little 2 a.m. walk on the docks and the cops are here? What's up with that?
JORDAN: (fingers crossed behind back) One of the Jeromes tried to kill me. I went into badass mode and killed him instead.
SHAWN: Wait 'till I see Julian again. I'm gonna finish that bastard off!
SLOANE: I hereby declare a moratorium on mobbishness. No guns. No murders. No blood. No Vengeance. Got it?
SHAWN: But...But...
JORDAN: Understood.
SHAWN: This murder scene is seriously killing the mood, Jordan. How about we have sex at my place instead.
HOSPITAL
JULIAN: Hey, receptionist lady, where's my son?
RECEPTIONIST: Have you tried strapping a GPS to him?
JULIAN: He's a premature baby. It would slip right off of him.
RECEPTIONIST: Fine, what's the mother's name.
JULIAN: Olivia Falconeri. I had a one night stand with her on New Year's Eve and I sure hope that baby was SORASed while he was still inside her because she's only been preggers for five months.
OLIVIA: My baby! Please help my baby!
JULIAN: There he is. I wanna see him! I wanna see Julian Jerome, Jr.! DADDY'S COMING, TRIPLE J!
NED: That kid sure as hell isn't going to be named Julian Jerome, Jr. Alexis, put your lover boy on a leash and don't forget the muzzle!
JULIAN: I'm coming in to be by MY SON'S side. Deal with it, TED!
ANNA: Duke! DUKE! Stay alive, Duke! I'm going into that cubicle with him.
PATRICK: Anna, you need to stay out of the cubicle and let us try to save his life.
ANNA: But he can HEAR my words of encouragement and enchanting tales of life in Scotland!
PATRICK: Anna, I am saying this in the kindest way possible. Get lost!
NEONATAL DOC: Sir, you need to not be here right now.
JULIAN: How old are you? 15? There's no way you are qualified to save my three pounds of future mobster when you look like you should be in Algebra class right now.
NEONATAL DOC: Screw off, squeakypants! I'm trying to save your kid.
ANNA: Julian Jerome, pepare to be bitch-slapped into next week! (slaps Julian) YOU did this to Duke!
JULIAN: Me? I just came from the hotel, where Olivia and her fake baby-daddy banished me from the room where my son was being born.
ANNA: Don't be smart with me, Jerome! YOU sent one of your goons after him and I will exact vigilante justice on your arse!
ALEXIS: Julian, please tell me you didn't do a mobby thing like order a hit on Duke!
PATRICK: I'm so sorry, Anna.
ANNA: I'm gonna go in there and see for myself. (goes into Duke's cubicle) Oh Duke! You weren't supposed to die on me when we were about to run away to Scotland or Nova Scotia or Newfoundland or some other faraway or not so far away place to flee the mob together.
Friday, May 8, 2015
Nurses' Ball Aftermath: Two Shootings And A Baby
Another Nurses' Ball is in the books and it was full of the requisite soapy drama. Here's a rundown of what happened:
1. Carly outed Hayden and Ric's ruse.
2. Nikolas revealed to Liz that Jake is Jason
3. Spencer received a beyond-the-grave visit from his mother, Courtney and took off his mask to reveal a much smaller scar than he had expected.
4. Liz almost fessed up at the Nurses' Ball about Jake's true identity but changed her mind after realizing that if Jake remained in the dark about who he really was, she could have another chance with him.
5. Nathan and Ellie's plan worked. Maxie returned to Nathan and Spinelli returned to Ellie.
6. Liz & Jake had sex
7. Shawn & Jordan had sex
8. Under pressure from both Julian & Olivia, Sam reluctantly revealed to Julian that he's the father of Olivia's baby.
9. Carlos yakked, then struggled with Duke for the gun. The gun went off and shot Duke.
Here's the recap for today's show:
METROCOURT
PATRICK: Olivia, your baby's not going to wait. You're having it right here, right now.
OLIVIA: Get Julian OUT OF HERE NOW!
NED: You heard the lady, Julian. Scram, Squeaky and go drink some lemon tea or something.
JULIAN: Some might find this voice sexy. Right, Alexis? I wanna see my baby being born!
OLIVIA: Hoo! Hee! Hoo! Hoo! MAKE Hee! Hoo! JULIAN Hee! Hoo! Hee! DISAPPEAR!!! AAAAAAAGHHH!
SHAWN'S APARTMENT
BRUCE: (shoots gun) BANG! BANG! BANG! That's funny. Not a scream or anything. (looks under covers) Dammit! All I did was destroy her pillow.
JORDAN: You shot the WRONG person's pillow, tough guy. Prepare to die. (Shoots Bruce)
PIER
SHAWN: Dammit, Bruce! I wanted to have more sex with Jordan and you called me here but forget to show up?
TJ: Shawn, what's up, man? I was just taking a study break so I could wander onto the pier and check out the mob war.
SHAWN: I think you'd better move along, TJ. There's nothing to see here.
TJ: I don't want to see you or Mom get killed. You know, this mobbing thing is very dangerous.
SHAWN: You don't say. You don't have to worry about your mom. I have her back. So much that I left her in the apartment with the door unlocked so I can go meet with Duke's goon, who is standing me up at the moment.
SABRINA'S APARTMENT
SABRINA: Michael, I like you a lot, but you've kissed me three times and in Romance Guide for Port Chucklehead Women, Chapter 2, page 25, it says that after three kisses, you have to grill your guy on his true intentions.
MICHAEL: It's a good thing you're not working in the ELQ office because I couldn't date you by ELQ Employee Relations Code 6-14. Seeing that your just my baby sister's nanny, those rules do not apply.
SABRINA: That's a good thing. I guess. I'm still deciding whether or not I'm into you.
MICHAEL: I'd like to be more than friends, but only if you want to.
SABRINA: Well, you are a good kisser, but no sex until at least the fifth date.
MICHAEL: When was that guidebook written? 1957?
PARKING GARAGE
JAKE: I see blood. I see a gun. Someone shot someone! I hear a noise, so I'd better grab the gun, cuz you never know what danger lurks in a parking garage at night.
NATHAN: Come out with your hands up! Drop the gun!
JAKE: I'm dropping it. I didn't do anything.
NATHAN: Says the guy with a gun near a small puddle of fresh blood.
MAXIE: Hey, aren't you the guy who tried to blow up the Haunted Star? Careful, Nathan. He might be brainwashed.
NATHAN: I'm gonna have to cuff you and haul you in for questioning.
JAKE: Fine, but I just walked in here after some great "Thank God That Hayden Chick Isn't My Wife" sex with the woman I really love and saw blood and a gun. Then I heard a noise so I had to protect myself.
METROCOURT
JULIAN: (Hears Olivia screaming) I better make sure my kid isn't ripping her uterus apart.
ALEXIS: It's just good ol' fashioned labor. I did it three times. You stay put.
JULIAN: But...But...It's not fair! I didn't get to see my first two kids being born!
ALEXIS: Julian, you sexy voice-challenged mob kingpin you, sometimes life isn't fair.
OLIVIA: Will this kid hurry the hell up!
PATRICK: I see the head. I think.
SAM: I'm sorry I told my dad he was your baby daddy, Olivia.
OLIVIA: You didn't have much of a choice, did you. AAAAAAAGH
PATRICK: PUSH, Olivia, PUSH!
OLIVIA: AAAAAAGGGGHHHH
PATRICK: You have another son, Olivia.
OLIVIA: Why isn't he crying? Is he...is he...DEAD????
ANNA'S ROOM
ANNA: Duke didn't try to shoot Jordan. I know it. I'm leaving town with him, Sloane and that's final.
SLOANE: You can't. I'll miss you too much.
ANNA: Really? Why do I find that hard to believe?
SLOANE: I sorta kinda like you, Anna.
ANNA: That's sweet. But I'm still leaving with Duke at midnight.
SLOANE: Okay, I guess I can't stop you now.
SHAWN'S APARTMENT
JORDAN: (on phone) Anna, you & Sloane need to get over here RIGHT NOW.
ANNA: Jordan, what happened? Who did you kill?
JORDAN: It was Bruce. He came in here and tried to kill me but I was in the bathroom so when I got out, I killed him instead.
SLOANE: I knew it! It WAS Duke! Bruce is Duke's goon .
ANNA: Come ON, Sloane. What if Bruce went rogue?
SLOANE: Denial isn't just a river in Egypt, Anna. Your lover boy is guilty of attempted murder.
ANNA: I've gotta go see Duke.
SLOANE: You've GOT to be kidding me!
PIER
ANNA: Duke? Where are you, Duke?
DUKE: Anna! I got shot. See this blood! I'm dying!
ANNA: Who shot you?
DUKE: (collapses)
1. Carly outed Hayden and Ric's ruse.
2. Nikolas revealed to Liz that Jake is Jason
3. Spencer received a beyond-the-grave visit from his mother, Courtney and took off his mask to reveal a much smaller scar than he had expected.
4. Liz almost fessed up at the Nurses' Ball about Jake's true identity but changed her mind after realizing that if Jake remained in the dark about who he really was, she could have another chance with him.
5. Nathan and Ellie's plan worked. Maxie returned to Nathan and Spinelli returned to Ellie.
6. Liz & Jake had sex
7. Shawn & Jordan had sex
8. Under pressure from both Julian & Olivia, Sam reluctantly revealed to Julian that he's the father of Olivia's baby.
9. Carlos yakked, then struggled with Duke for the gun. The gun went off and shot Duke.
Here's the recap for today's show:
METROCOURT
PATRICK: Olivia, your baby's not going to wait. You're having it right here, right now.
OLIVIA: Get Julian OUT OF HERE NOW!
NED: You heard the lady, Julian. Scram, Squeaky and go drink some lemon tea or something.
JULIAN: Some might find this voice sexy. Right, Alexis? I wanna see my baby being born!
OLIVIA: Hoo! Hee! Hoo! Hoo! MAKE Hee! Hoo! JULIAN Hee! Hoo! Hee! DISAPPEAR!!! AAAAAAAGHHH!
SHAWN'S APARTMENT
BRUCE: (shoots gun) BANG! BANG! BANG! That's funny. Not a scream or anything. (looks under covers) Dammit! All I did was destroy her pillow.
JORDAN: You shot the WRONG person's pillow, tough guy. Prepare to die. (Shoots Bruce)
PIER
SHAWN: Dammit, Bruce! I wanted to have more sex with Jordan and you called me here but forget to show up?
TJ: Shawn, what's up, man? I was just taking a study break so I could wander onto the pier and check out the mob war.
SHAWN: I think you'd better move along, TJ. There's nothing to see here.
TJ: I don't want to see you or Mom get killed. You know, this mobbing thing is very dangerous.
SHAWN: You don't say. You don't have to worry about your mom. I have her back. So much that I left her in the apartment with the door unlocked so I can go meet with Duke's goon, who is standing me up at the moment.
SABRINA'S APARTMENT
SABRINA: Michael, I like you a lot, but you've kissed me three times and in Romance Guide for Port Chucklehead Women, Chapter 2, page 25, it says that after three kisses, you have to grill your guy on his true intentions.
MICHAEL: It's a good thing you're not working in the ELQ office because I couldn't date you by ELQ Employee Relations Code 6-14. Seeing that your just my baby sister's nanny, those rules do not apply.
SABRINA: That's a good thing. I guess. I'm still deciding whether or not I'm into you.
MICHAEL: I'd like to be more than friends, but only if you want to.
SABRINA: Well, you are a good kisser, but no sex until at least the fifth date.
MICHAEL: When was that guidebook written? 1957?
PARKING GARAGE
JAKE: I see blood. I see a gun. Someone shot someone! I hear a noise, so I'd better grab the gun, cuz you never know what danger lurks in a parking garage at night.
NATHAN: Come out with your hands up! Drop the gun!
JAKE: I'm dropping it. I didn't do anything.
NATHAN: Says the guy with a gun near a small puddle of fresh blood.
MAXIE: Hey, aren't you the guy who tried to blow up the Haunted Star? Careful, Nathan. He might be brainwashed.
NATHAN: I'm gonna have to cuff you and haul you in for questioning.
JAKE: Fine, but I just walked in here after some great "Thank God That Hayden Chick Isn't My Wife" sex with the woman I really love and saw blood and a gun. Then I heard a noise so I had to protect myself.
METROCOURT
JULIAN: (Hears Olivia screaming) I better make sure my kid isn't ripping her uterus apart.
ALEXIS: It's just good ol' fashioned labor. I did it three times. You stay put.
JULIAN: But...But...It's not fair! I didn't get to see my first two kids being born!
ALEXIS: Julian, you sexy voice-challenged mob kingpin you, sometimes life isn't fair.
OLIVIA: Will this kid hurry the hell up!
PATRICK: I see the head. I think.
SAM: I'm sorry I told my dad he was your baby daddy, Olivia.
OLIVIA: You didn't have much of a choice, did you. AAAAAAAGH
PATRICK: PUSH, Olivia, PUSH!
OLIVIA: AAAAAAGGGGHHHH
PATRICK: You have another son, Olivia.
OLIVIA: Why isn't he crying? Is he...is he...DEAD????
ANNA'S ROOM
ANNA: Duke didn't try to shoot Jordan. I know it. I'm leaving town with him, Sloane and that's final.
SLOANE: You can't. I'll miss you too much.
ANNA: Really? Why do I find that hard to believe?
SLOANE: I sorta kinda like you, Anna.
ANNA: That's sweet. But I'm still leaving with Duke at midnight.
SLOANE: Okay, I guess I can't stop you now.
SHAWN'S APARTMENT
JORDAN: (on phone) Anna, you & Sloane need to get over here RIGHT NOW.
ANNA: Jordan, what happened? Who did you kill?
JORDAN: It was Bruce. He came in here and tried to kill me but I was in the bathroom so when I got out, I killed him instead.
SLOANE: I knew it! It WAS Duke! Bruce is Duke's goon .
ANNA: Come ON, Sloane. What if Bruce went rogue?
SLOANE: Denial isn't just a river in Egypt, Anna. Your lover boy is guilty of attempted murder.
ANNA: I've gotta go see Duke.
SLOANE: You've GOT to be kidding me!
PIER
ANNA: Duke? Where are you, Duke?
DUKE: Anna! I got shot. See this blood! I'm dying!
ANNA: Who shot you?
DUKE: (collapses)
Monday, May 4, 2015
2015 Nurses' Ball Part II: Phantom Menace
The 2015 Nurses' Ball continues with Nikolas having just dropped the Jason bombshell to Liz, Jake confronting Carly about upsetting Liz by outing Ric & Hayden onstage, Magic Milo & The Magic Wands and The Haunted Starlets doing their numbers, and Count Spencer, The Phantom of the Nurses' Ball sandbagging Emma and Cameron's tango. Lucy once again gets caught in her skivvies and Duke and Anna do an impromptu tango. By far the sweetest number at the Nurses' Ball is Patrick & Emma's father-daughter duet, with home movies of baby Brooklyn Silzer playing in the background.
BACKSTAGE
LIZ: You're lying, Nikolas because YOU want ME all to yourself! Just admit it. Every man wants me all to himself!
NIKOLAS: Yes, I'm sort of halfway still in love with you, but this is the absolute truth.
LIZ: How do you know Jake is Jason?
NIKOLAS: My whackjob grandmother told me, of course. They chilled out at Crichton Clark together. Or shall I say, thawed out.
LIZ: When did Psycho Granny from Hell tell you that she and Jason were suddenly besties?
NIKOLAS: Two seconds before you walked in on us talking about him and thought we were talking about something else.
LIZ: Good thing my bitch-slapping hand is in rare form tonight. (Slaps Nikolas)
NIKOLAS: I kept it secret for everyone's own good. Jason was a professional goon and Sam and Danny are better off with Patrick.
LIZ: Really, Nikolas? THAT'S the best you can do? I'm SO telling Jason who he really is like RIGHT NOW!
NIKOLAS: Fine. Go ahead.
NURSES' BALL
LUCAS: This is for real, right?
BRAD: Damn straight it is.
LUCAS: Okay then, you've got yourself a fiance.
BRAD: This is WAY better than last year!
JULIAN: Congrats, son! This you being gay thing isn't so bad after all. Congrats, Brad! Does this mean I have a foothold on the Asian Quarter mob?
LUCAS: You're hilarious, Dad.
RED CARPET
CARLY: You're welcome
JAKE: I'm kinda pissed at you, Carly, for making Uhlizabeth run out of the Nurses' Ball in tears.
CARLY: But you're FREE, Jake! Free to not be Hayden's hubby and that slimeball Ric is out of your life, out of Elizabeth's life and, most importantly, out of mine!
JAKE: So, I'm gonna go find Uhlizabeth.
CARLY: But what if you have a REAL wife out there and a kid?
JAKE: What if I don't? My memory may be gone, like, for good. At least that's what Dr. Drake says. I gotta live my life.
CARLY: Point taken. Do what you gotta do. I've got your back because we're still friends, right?
JAKE: Do I have a choice?
CARLY: With me? Never!
NURSES' BALL
MAGIC MILO AND THE MAGIC WANDS: We're a sexy doctor (Lucas), a sexy nurse (Felix), a sexy executive (Michael) a sexy college student (TJ), a sexy cop (Nathan) and a sexy pizza man (Milo)!
WOMEN (AND BRAD): Woo hoo!
HAUNTED STARLETS (Sam, Lulu, Sabrina, Maxie, Ellie, Valerie): Dear Future Husband, you'd better treat us RIGHT!
NATHAN: Boy does she look hot!
SPINELLI: The fair Maximista is off the market.
NATHAN: Maxie doesn't look so bad herself.
SPINELLI: Ellie herself is quite fetching.
EMMA: Come on, Cameron! We need to get ready for our tango.
SPENCER: Surprise! The Phantom of the Nurses' Ball has arrived! Check out this cape!
EMMA: Spencer?
SPENCER: Who else has this mask covering his hideous face.
EMMA: Not THAT again. Seriously, Spencer, we're not old enough to be boyfriend and girlfiend. We're in FOURTH GRADE! Cameron and I are just friends. You are like way too intense for a 10 year old.
CAMERON & EMMA: It takes two to tango.
SPENCER: Not so fast.
EMMA: What was that?
CAMERON: We're being sandbagged!
SPENCER: (on a the big screen): Sing once again with me, our strange duet! I am the mask I wear. It's me you dread! I am a MONSTER! See my FACE!
LULU: Spencer! Auntie Lulu is VERY UPSET with you!
SPENCER: But I AM a monster. LOOK AT ME!
LULU: We're going HOME!
WYNDEMERE
DANTE: I feel for you, little cuz, but what you did was VERY dangerous.
LULU: That's right! What if you maimed and/or killed Cameron or Emma?
SPENCER: I'd feel bad about Emma, but Cameron MADE me a monster when he started that FIRE that wrecked my FACE!
LULU: Wow, my brother has his work cut out for him. Hey Valerie, would you mind babysitting Spencer so Dante and I can either go home or back to the Nurses' Ball?
NURSES' BALL
LUCY: Duke wants to dance the tango with Anna, don't you, Duke?
DUKE: If you say so. Anna?
ANNA: What the hey? That doesn't mean I approve of your mobbishness, by the way.
WYNDEMERE:
GHOST COURTNEY: Hello, Spencer! You're having a hallucination and seeing your dear departed...
SPENCER: MOTHER?????
NURSES' BALL
PATRICK: Emma, you can be ANYTHING.
EMMA: I know, Daddy. I can be a doctor, race car driver, a lawyer...
LUCY: Wasn't that adorable!
LIZ: I have an announcement to make. This is about Jason.
Note: I'll be out of town tomorrow through Thursday, so the blog will be delayed until Friday. Have a good week!
BACKSTAGE
LIZ: You're lying, Nikolas because YOU want ME all to yourself! Just admit it. Every man wants me all to himself!
NIKOLAS: Yes, I'm sort of halfway still in love with you, but this is the absolute truth.
LIZ: How do you know Jake is Jason?
NIKOLAS: My whackjob grandmother told me, of course. They chilled out at Crichton Clark together. Or shall I say, thawed out.
LIZ: When did Psycho Granny from Hell tell you that she and Jason were suddenly besties?
NIKOLAS: Two seconds before you walked in on us talking about him and thought we were talking about something else.
LIZ: Good thing my bitch-slapping hand is in rare form tonight. (Slaps Nikolas)
NIKOLAS: I kept it secret for everyone's own good. Jason was a professional goon and Sam and Danny are better off with Patrick.
LIZ: Really, Nikolas? THAT'S the best you can do? I'm SO telling Jason who he really is like RIGHT NOW!
NIKOLAS: Fine. Go ahead.
NURSES' BALL
LUCAS: This is for real, right?
BRAD: Damn straight it is.
LUCAS: Okay then, you've got yourself a fiance.
BRAD: This is WAY better than last year!
JULIAN: Congrats, son! This you being gay thing isn't so bad after all. Congrats, Brad! Does this mean I have a foothold on the Asian Quarter mob?
LUCAS: You're hilarious, Dad.
RED CARPET
CARLY: You're welcome
JAKE: I'm kinda pissed at you, Carly, for making Uhlizabeth run out of the Nurses' Ball in tears.
CARLY: But you're FREE, Jake! Free to not be Hayden's hubby and that slimeball Ric is out of your life, out of Elizabeth's life and, most importantly, out of mine!
JAKE: So, I'm gonna go find Uhlizabeth.
CARLY: But what if you have a REAL wife out there and a kid?
JAKE: What if I don't? My memory may be gone, like, for good. At least that's what Dr. Drake says. I gotta live my life.
CARLY: Point taken. Do what you gotta do. I've got your back because we're still friends, right?
JAKE: Do I have a choice?
CARLY: With me? Never!
NURSES' BALL
MAGIC MILO AND THE MAGIC WANDS: We're a sexy doctor (Lucas), a sexy nurse (Felix), a sexy executive (Michael) a sexy college student (TJ), a sexy cop (Nathan) and a sexy pizza man (Milo)!
WOMEN (AND BRAD): Woo hoo!
HAUNTED STARLETS (Sam, Lulu, Sabrina, Maxie, Ellie, Valerie): Dear Future Husband, you'd better treat us RIGHT!
NATHAN: Boy does she look hot!
SPINELLI: The fair Maximista is off the market.
NATHAN: Maxie doesn't look so bad herself.
SPINELLI: Ellie herself is quite fetching.
EMMA: Come on, Cameron! We need to get ready for our tango.
SPENCER: Surprise! The Phantom of the Nurses' Ball has arrived! Check out this cape!
EMMA: Spencer?
SPENCER: Who else has this mask covering his hideous face.
EMMA: Not THAT again. Seriously, Spencer, we're not old enough to be boyfriend and girlfiend. We're in FOURTH GRADE! Cameron and I are just friends. You are like way too intense for a 10 year old.
CAMERON & EMMA: It takes two to tango.
SPENCER: Not so fast.
EMMA: What was that?
CAMERON: We're being sandbagged!
SPENCER: (on a the big screen): Sing once again with me, our strange duet! I am the mask I wear. It's me you dread! I am a MONSTER! See my FACE!
LULU: Spencer! Auntie Lulu is VERY UPSET with you!
SPENCER: But I AM a monster. LOOK AT ME!
LULU: We're going HOME!
WYNDEMERE
DANTE: I feel for you, little cuz, but what you did was VERY dangerous.
LULU: That's right! What if you maimed and/or killed Cameron or Emma?
SPENCER: I'd feel bad about Emma, but Cameron MADE me a monster when he started that FIRE that wrecked my FACE!
LULU: Wow, my brother has his work cut out for him. Hey Valerie, would you mind babysitting Spencer so Dante and I can either go home or back to the Nurses' Ball?
NURSES' BALL
LUCY: Duke wants to dance the tango with Anna, don't you, Duke?
DUKE: If you say so. Anna?
ANNA: What the hey? That doesn't mean I approve of your mobbishness, by the way.
WYNDEMERE:
GHOST COURTNEY: Hello, Spencer! You're having a hallucination and seeing your dear departed...
SPENCER: MOTHER?????
NURSES' BALL
PATRICK: Emma, you can be ANYTHING.
EMMA: I know, Daddy. I can be a doctor, race car driver, a lawyer...
LUCY: Wasn't that adorable!
LIZ: I have an announcement to make. This is about Jason.
Note: I'll be out of town tomorrow through Thursday, so the blog will be delayed until Friday. Have a good week!
Friday, May 1, 2015
2015 Nurses' Ball Part I: Pop Goes The Liesl
2013's Nurses' Ball opened with the singing and dancing nurses. 2014's ball opened with Liesl Obrecht hijacking the opening number with "Wilkommen". 2015 started with a little bit of both. The Nurses did their number, but Liesl followed shortly after with "99 Luftballoons," popping every balloon in sight as she sang. Ric began his number by giving Liz a ring, but halfway through "Marry You" Carly and Pete crashed the party by revealing Ric's scam with Hayden. Meanwhile, Britt sneaks into Wyndemere and talks Spencer into coming to the ball. Nikolas has big news about Jake for Liz.
I'm a sucker for the Nurses' Ball. It's fun to watch the cast cut loose with song and dance and there's always soapy drama and big reveals among the musical numbers. My only disappointment is that Helena wasn't somehow freed from exile to sing a duet with Liesl or even a number of her own. Constance Towers has Broadway cred and while it may be a little out of character for the Queen of Evil to sing and dance on a stage, surely that could be overlooked for the treat of seeing Connie perform. That said, Kathleen Gati has a fabulous voice and adds a lot to the Nurses' Ball with Liesl Obrecht's hilarious over-the-top numbers.
WYNDEMERE
NIKOLAS: Hey Spencer, it's not to late to change your mind about the Nurses' Ball.
SPENCER: I will not allow my hideosity to be captured on film.
LULU: Oh, Spencer, Auntie Lulu doesn't think you're hideous.
SPENCER: Thanks, Auntie Lulu, but I think I'll watch it on Access Port Chuckles just the same.
NIKOLAS: If you do end up changing your mind, Chandler is here for whatever whim strikes you.
METROCOURT
LUCY: Impending Nurses' Ball Freakout! Was I on LSD when I picked out my wardrobe? I CAN'T EVEN with these dresses!
FELIX: Come on, Ms. Coe. All that really matters are that your skivvies are the height of couture.
LUCY: You have a point...
BRAD'S APARTMENT
BRAD: Come ON! Is it too much to ask for ONE PERSON to make a fool of themselves on the red carpet.
BRITT: I know, really? I came all this way, risking my FREEDOM to snark and we've got nothing but a pregnant grandmother!
METROCOURT
REPORTER: Up next we have the dorkalicious ginger nerd cutie Ellie Trout along with Mr. Ab-Tastic Nathan West.
MAXIE: (falling flat on her face) Say WHAAAAAAAT?
BRAD'S APARTMENT
BRAD: Instant replay!
BRAD & BRITT: One, two three SPLAT!
BRAD: Replay is inconclusive. We have to do it again.
METROCOURT
CARLY: Mind hanging out in the janitor's closet until Ric's number? If you're bored, you can always wax the floor.
PETE: I came all this way and skipped my auditions to stare at bottles of Clorox?
CARLY: Fine, don't wax the floor. Check your twitter feed, update your facebook status, play tetris, just STAY PUT until you get the signal!
NURSES: Welcome to the Nurses Ball!
LIESL: Neun und Neunzig Luftballoons! POP! POP! POP! POP!
RIC: I think I want to marry you!
CARLY: Think again. Let's give a warm Nurses' Ball welcome to Fake Jake, a.k.a. Pete Ross
RIC: What the...
CARLY: BUSTED! You set this all up to STEAL Elizabeth from my friend Jake. Sorry, Hayden. Honeymoon is OVAH!
JAKE: What the...
HAYDEN: Is she on drugs?
LIZ: I...Ric...Gotta...go!
WYNDEMERE
SPENCER: BRITT! I thought I'd never SEE you again!
BRITT: Hey, Spence! What's your handsome self doing all alone in a spooky castle and not rocking your bad self at the Nurses' Ball?
SPENCER: (pointing to his mask) Exhibit A. I am disfigured.
BRITT: Pfffffft! You look so badass in that mask. Like the Phantom of the Opera. Come on, you know you want to be at that Nurses' Ball on Emma's arm.
SPENCER: Britt, you're the smartest person I know.
BACKSTAGE AT METROCOURT
LIZ: (slaps Ric) You dirty lying BASTARD!
RIC: It was the only way to get you away from Mr. Amnesia and back with the man who loves you and knows you love me.
LIZ: SCREW YOU! You totally took advantage of poor, memory-less Jake and you're the same manipulative creep I broke up with about 50 times already.
RIC: Come ON, you barely knew Jake. You don't even know if Jake is is real name. I was saving you from trying to fix yet another lost soul.
LIZ: Go away, Ric and NEVER COME BACK!
NURSES' BALL
LUCY: And here is Brad Cooper to finish what Mr. Lansing started.
BRAD: Challenge accepted! Lucas, I think I want to marry you.
LUCAS: Say WHAAAAAAAAAT?
BACKSTAGE
JAKE: So you're not really my wife and I can get back with Uhlizabeth? Is your name really Hayden, by the way?
HAYDEN: No, it's an alias. My real name is Edna Van Klumpf. Ha ha! Gotcha. Yes, my name really is Hayden. I just don't know you from a hole in the wall and I'd rather have sex with a prince in his castle with a moat.
JAKE: Well, that's a relief, but Ric's gonna get it. He doesn't know about my special skill set, but he soon will.
LIZ: I can't believe I fell for Ric's pack of lies yet AGAIN! On the upside, Jake is free and I'm gonna snap him up before somebody else does.
NIK: I wouldn't do that if I were you.
LIZ: Why the hell not?
NIK: Jake is married.
LIZ: Did you not see the spectacle that just took place. Hayden is a fake and Jake is SINGLE!
NIK: Only Jake isn't Jake. He's JASON!
LIZ: Say WHAAAAAAAAT?
I'm a sucker for the Nurses' Ball. It's fun to watch the cast cut loose with song and dance and there's always soapy drama and big reveals among the musical numbers. My only disappointment is that Helena wasn't somehow freed from exile to sing a duet with Liesl or even a number of her own. Constance Towers has Broadway cred and while it may be a little out of character for the Queen of Evil to sing and dance on a stage, surely that could be overlooked for the treat of seeing Connie perform. That said, Kathleen Gati has a fabulous voice and adds a lot to the Nurses' Ball with Liesl Obrecht's hilarious over-the-top numbers.
WYNDEMERE
NIKOLAS: Hey Spencer, it's not to late to change your mind about the Nurses' Ball.
SPENCER: I will not allow my hideosity to be captured on film.
LULU: Oh, Spencer, Auntie Lulu doesn't think you're hideous.
SPENCER: Thanks, Auntie Lulu, but I think I'll watch it on Access Port Chuckles just the same.
NIKOLAS: If you do end up changing your mind, Chandler is here for whatever whim strikes you.
METROCOURT
LUCY: Impending Nurses' Ball Freakout! Was I on LSD when I picked out my wardrobe? I CAN'T EVEN with these dresses!
FELIX: Come on, Ms. Coe. All that really matters are that your skivvies are the height of couture.
LUCY: You have a point...
BRAD'S APARTMENT
BRAD: Come ON! Is it too much to ask for ONE PERSON to make a fool of themselves on the red carpet.
BRITT: I know, really? I came all this way, risking my FREEDOM to snark and we've got nothing but a pregnant grandmother!
METROCOURT
REPORTER: Up next we have the dorkalicious ginger nerd cutie Ellie Trout along with Mr. Ab-Tastic Nathan West.
MAXIE: (falling flat on her face) Say WHAAAAAAAT?
BRAD'S APARTMENT
BRAD: Instant replay!
BRAD & BRITT: One, two three SPLAT!
BRAD: Replay is inconclusive. We have to do it again.
METROCOURT
CARLY: Mind hanging out in the janitor's closet until Ric's number? If you're bored, you can always wax the floor.
PETE: I came all this way and skipped my auditions to stare at bottles of Clorox?
CARLY: Fine, don't wax the floor. Check your twitter feed, update your facebook status, play tetris, just STAY PUT until you get the signal!
NURSES: Welcome to the Nurses Ball!
LIESL: Neun und Neunzig Luftballoons! POP! POP! POP! POP!
RIC: I think I want to marry you!
CARLY: Think again. Let's give a warm Nurses' Ball welcome to Fake Jake, a.k.a. Pete Ross
RIC: What the...
CARLY: BUSTED! You set this all up to STEAL Elizabeth from my friend Jake. Sorry, Hayden. Honeymoon is OVAH!
JAKE: What the...
HAYDEN: Is she on drugs?
LIZ: I...Ric...Gotta...go!
WYNDEMERE
SPENCER: BRITT! I thought I'd never SEE you again!
BRITT: Hey, Spence! What's your handsome self doing all alone in a spooky castle and not rocking your bad self at the Nurses' Ball?
SPENCER: (pointing to his mask) Exhibit A. I am disfigured.
BRITT: Pfffffft! You look so badass in that mask. Like the Phantom of the Opera. Come on, you know you want to be at that Nurses' Ball on Emma's arm.
SPENCER: Britt, you're the smartest person I know.
BACKSTAGE AT METROCOURT
LIZ: (slaps Ric) You dirty lying BASTARD!
RIC: It was the only way to get you away from Mr. Amnesia and back with the man who loves you and knows you love me.
LIZ: SCREW YOU! You totally took advantage of poor, memory-less Jake and you're the same manipulative creep I broke up with about 50 times already.
RIC: Come ON, you barely knew Jake. You don't even know if Jake is is real name. I was saving you from trying to fix yet another lost soul.
LIZ: Go away, Ric and NEVER COME BACK!
NURSES' BALL
LUCY: And here is Brad Cooper to finish what Mr. Lansing started.
BRAD: Challenge accepted! Lucas, I think I want to marry you.
LUCAS: Say WHAAAAAAAAAT?
BACKSTAGE
JAKE: So you're not really my wife and I can get back with Uhlizabeth? Is your name really Hayden, by the way?
HAYDEN: No, it's an alias. My real name is Edna Van Klumpf. Ha ha! Gotcha. Yes, my name really is Hayden. I just don't know you from a hole in the wall and I'd rather have sex with a prince in his castle with a moat.
JAKE: Well, that's a relief, but Ric's gonna get it. He doesn't know about my special skill set, but he soon will.
LIZ: I can't believe I fell for Ric's pack of lies yet AGAIN! On the upside, Jake is free and I'm gonna snap him up before somebody else does.
NIK: I wouldn't do that if I were you.
LIZ: Why the hell not?
NIK: Jake is married.
LIZ: Did you not see the spectacle that just took place. Hayden is a fake and Jake is SINGLE!
NIK: Only Jake isn't Jake. He's JASON!
LIZ: Say WHAAAAAAAAT?
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