Run, Julian, Run!

     Julian Jerome is having a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day in Port Chuckles.  His preemie son is on life support, Alexis bolts when he confesses to ordering a hit on Duke and Sonny & Shawn ambush him at the hospital elevator.  Not to mention that Anna threatened vigilante justice on him.  Liesl informs Liz that Jake is a suspect in Duke's murder.   Olivia confesses to Dante that Julian is the father of her baby.  Jake is between a rock and a hard place when Sloane has him take the rap for Duke's shooting.  Carly tells all to Sonny about exposing Ric's scam at the Nurses' Ball. 

        HOSPITAL

        ANNA:  Duke, I'm going to miss you so much.   You couldn't even bring yourself to insult my cooking. 
        DUKE'S SPIRIT:  Always the chivalrous Scotsman, wasn't I?  
        ANNA:  I still can't believe you're gone.  
        DUKE'S SPIRIT:  Don't worry, my dear Anna.  There are kilts in heaven and bagpipes too.  Who knew St. Peter liked Scottish music. 
        LIESL:  Now now, Anna, ve must deliver ze remains of Duke Lavery to ze morgue. 
        ANNA:  Scram, Obrecht!  Duke's Spirit and I are having a moment.  
        LIESL:  More like six hours!  
        ANNA:  How can Duke be gone?   We just danced the best tango of our lives.  A tango that convinced us we must run away together. 
        LIESL:  You may not believe zis, but I am sorry for your loss, Anna.  
      
        PCPD

       JAKE:  So I have two choices here:  Go to jail or go to jail.  Decisions, decisions. 
       SLOANE:  If you cooperate with me, you'll only be going to jail until we can convince the judge that the PCPD forbade you to pee until you gave a full confession and flubbed your Miranda rights to boot. 
       JAKE:  How am I going to explain to Uhlizabeth that I'm going to the clink?   Before I showed up at that garage, I had the best sex of my life.   At least I think it was.  My memory only goes back so far, as you know. 
      SLOANE:  How you deal with your girlfriend is none of my beeswax.  If you don't cooperate, you'll be in the so-called "clink" for a whole lot longer.   How will you explain THAT to your lady love? 

   SONNY'S HOUSE

   CARLY:  So Ric was singing this sappy marriage proposal song to Elizabeth and guess who shows up onstage in the middle of his number?  ME and FAKE JAKE!    You see, Fake Jake is the guy your slimeball brother Ric hired to pose as Jake's "before" pictures with his phony-baloney wife Hayden, who is nothing but a lying slut by the way.   Ric turned a sick shade of green and Elizabeth, she was devastated that her con-man boyfriend lied to her AGAIN!  
  SONNY:  Let me know when we get to the part where this is any of your business. 
  CARLY:  Come on, Sonny!  You know me well enough to know that I'm INCAPABLE of minding my own business, especially when it comes to other women and men who remind me of Jason.  
  SONNY:  This Jake, he works for the Jeromes.  I may have to take him out, Carly.  Just a little heads-up. 

  HOSPITAL

 JULIAN:  (wringing his hands)  Why can't I see my son?  
 ALEXIS:  Because you scare the crap out of Olivia, that's why.  
 JULIAN:  I need to know if he's breathing, at the very least.   This is my flesh and blood, Alexis. 
 ALEXIS:  He's in the hospital, being taken care of by really smart people with medical degrees.  Changing the subject, Duke didn't make it last night.  
 JULIAN:  You don't say. 
 ALEXIS:  You killed him, didn't you?
 JULIAN:   Unless I have a clone I don't know about, I didn't lay a hand or a gun for that matter on Duke.  We were together at the Nurses' Ball, remember? 
 ALEXIS:  Hello!  Earth to mob kingpin!  You ordered the hit and one of your goons did the dirty work.  Am I on the right track here?
 JULIAN:  Yeah, I did it. 
 ALEXIS:  We're over, Julian.   NO SEX FOR YOU! 

 JORDAN'S APARTMENT

  SHAWN:  Julian's a dead man. 
  JORDAN:  Can we press the pause button on mobularity for 5 minutes?  
  SHAWN:  We need to at least let Duke know that the Jeromes are after your blood.  
  JORDAN:  Let me introduce you to the concept of a cell phone. 
  SHAWN:  Been there.  Done that.  We need to go straight to the top.  

 HOSPITAL

  DANTE:  Mom, what happened?  Is my little brother okay?   I can't believe I have a brother that's like 30 years younger than me.  I have a kid older than him.  
  OLIVIA:  I'm crying happy tears because my son is still breathing.  
  DANTE:  He's a little fighter, that one.   Three pounds of badass!  
  OLIVIA:  I have a confession to make.  Ned's not my baby-daddy. 
  DANTE:  Was it Sonny?  
  OLIVIA:  Not Sonny, but you're getting warmer. 
  DANTE:  Now you're making me nervous.  Who's my little bro's dad? 
  OLIVIA:  Promise you won't yell at me?  
  DANTE:  Promise.  Just tell me, ma!
  OLIVIA:  Julian Jerome. 
  DANTE:  Say WHAAAAAAAAAT? 

 PCPD

 ANNA:  (aiming gun at Jake)  Prepare to die, Jake Doe, or whatever your name really is.  
 JAKE:  As far as I know, it's Jake, but the Doe thing, who knows? 
 ANNA:  Shut up and answer my questions. Did you kill Duke Lavery
 JAKE:  I plead the fifth.  
 ANNA:  Wrong answer!  
 JAKE:  It's complicated.  
 ANNA:  Another wrong answer.  You're a dead man in one...two...
 SLOANE:  Anna!  (wrestles gun away from Anna's hand) This guy is innocent.  He's my snitch. 
 ANNA:  Oh really?  
 SLOANE:  I made a deal with the guy.  He works as a rat for Julian's mob and I drop the 6,000 charges against him while he was operating under the Helena chip.

 SONNY'S HOUSE

 SONNY:  Let me try Duke at his top secret number.  
 SLOANE:  PCPD  Commissioner Sloane speaking.
 SONNY:  Hey, Sloane, what are you doing with Duke's phone?
 SLOANE:  About that...

HOSPITAL

OLIVIA:  There's only one way to keep my baby safe from Julian.  We need to skip town.
DANTE:  Say WHAAAAAAAAAT?  

LIESL:  Nurse Webber!  Stop zis texting and get to work on zese files!   No, vait, I have a bettah idea.  You can go down to ze morgue and tend to ze deah depahted Duke Lavery.  
LIZ:  Do they know who did it?
LIESL:  Zey have a suspect in custody.   I am surprised you don't already know.  It is your deeply indebted friend Jake Doe.  
LIZ:  He COULDN'T have done it.  We were just having...Never mind!  

SONNY'S HOUSE

 SONNY:  Duke's dead.  I'm back in the mob.  Let's go kill Julian. 
 CARLY:  Have you ever thought of, I don't know, grief couseling? 
 SONNY:  See you later, Carly.   Let's go, Shawn. 

HOSPITAL

  JULIAN:  Man, does life suck right now.  My tiny son is fighting for his life and I can't even see whether or not he looks like me.  I lost Alexis.  Anna's after my blood.  I hear New Zealand's nice this time of year.
 SONNY:  Hey there, frenemy! 
 SHAWN:  You going DOWN, Jerome.