Live! Part II: Gunshots And A Wedding

   Poor Carrrrrrrlos!   His Zabrrrrrrrrrrrina will be so devastated!   Fear not, Sabrina!  Carrrrrrrrlos lives, only he has to go back four and a half decades to do so and join a California Commune to teach Don Draper how to meditate.  Yes, Jeffrey Vincent Parise, our beloved Carrrrrrlos, was on the series finale of Mad Men and I recognized him immediately.   "That's Carrrrrrrrlos," I said as I was watching Don try to find inner peace at a New Age yoga and meditation retreat.   But that's another show, and one I will miss greatly...

   Back in Port Chuckles, Nina wasn't marrying George Glass after all.  She's marrying Ric Lansing, fresh off being outed at the Nurses' Ball for paying Hayden to be Jake's fake wife.   Apparently Nina and Ric commiserated at the Floating Rib over being town pariahs.  At the garage, Hayden was about to spill it to Jake and Sam when gunshots rang out and Hayden took one to the head.  Was Shawn the shooter, or was it Nik's goon?   Meanwhile, Liz is ripping Nikolas a new one after letting Hayden loose to spill the truth to Jake about being Jason.  Sloane's got it bad for Anna and he wants to help her cover up Carrrrrrrrrrlos's murder.  

    NINA'S SUITE

     NINA:  Remember when I said I was marrying George Glass in some bizarre Brady Bunch flashback?  I was totally just kidding.  I'm marrying Ric Lansing!
     FRANCO:  Since when do you guys even KNOW each other?
     RIC:  Since five minutes ago!  We met each other at The Floating Rib after I got dumped by Elizabeth at the Nurses' Ball and she was fed up with YOU accusing her of stealing that baby. 
     NINA:  Go Ric!  Go Ric!  Go Go Go Ric! 
     FRANCO:  I never actually ACCUSED you of stealing that baby.  I merely suspected---
     NINA:  You TOTALLY accused me of stealing Baby AJ.  You DUMPED my PURSE onto the CHAIR!  
     FRANCO:  But I gave you that awesome Egg Salad painting as an apology present.  
     NINA:  That hideous striped thing your LSD-happy mother painted?  Puh-LEASE!  

    SONNY'S HOUSE

     SONNY:  Hey, Carly, just a heads up, but I ordered a hit on your buddy Jake. 
     CARLY:  Say WHAAAAAAAAT?   

    GARAGE

     HAYDEN:  I know you're not going to believe me when I say this, but I actually-factually know who you REALLY are.  
     JAKE:  Where have I heard that before?   No, seriously, I don't remember.  Stupid brain damage! 
     HAYDEN:  Basically, I know your true identity and I can tell you if you let me.  If not, I can always squeeze more of La Petit Mort out of a certain prince who lives in a castle with a moat. 
     JAKE:  What if I don't give a crap who I really am?   Have you ever thought of that, fake wife wannabe?  
     HAYDEN:  Maybe YOU don't care who you are, but Sam might.   I'll just tell her.  
     JAKE:  GET DOWN!  

    OUTSIDE GARAGE

     SHAWN:  I shot someone.  I just don't know who.  
     JORDAN:  Go figure.  
     JAKE:  Hey, who's been shooting at innocent women?   Okay, innocent might not be the first word I use to describe Hayden, but she's got a bullet in her head. 
     SHAWN:  I wasn't trying to shoot some Hayden woman.   I wanted to fry YOUR ass! 
     JAKE:  Would you care to acquaint yourself with a crowbar?   
     COPS:  FREEZE!  

    SONNY'S HOUSE

     CARLY:  You have to call off the hit.  Jake didn't kill Duke.   Don't you know there's a six-month waiting period for new mob recruits to carry off hits?  Jake's only been at it for, what, three months?  Therefore he is totally innocent. 
      SONNY:  That's not what Julian said.   He swore it was Jake who did it.   Duke's DEAD, Carly and I have to avenge his death.  
      CARLY:  Only because YOU put Duke in harm's way when you stepped down as head of the Corinthos mob. 
      SONNY:  You might recall I was in P-ville for part of the time.   Then, I had to stay away from the mob for my baby daughter's sake.  
      CARLY:  Still, you can't go shooting innocent people and Jake is innocent because I SAID SO!  
      SONNY:   Well, if Carly said so, then it must be true.   NOT!   

    NINA'S SUITE

    FRANCO:  Hey Nina!   I have an idea.  Why don't you marry ME instead?   After all, I injected myself with LSD just so I could be with YOU in the nuthouse.  
    NINA:  Well, there's that, but you also still think I'm bonkers enough to kidnap a baby.  
    FRANCO:  Come on, Nina.  Obrecht's accent did a number on me.   It has that kind of effect on people, you know. 
    NINA:  Which is why I'm marrying Ric.   HE has never met my scary aunt Liesl.  
    RIC:  It's all in who you DON'T know, right Nina?  
    FRANCO:  But...But...We're partners in craz--I mean CRIME!    You're Bonnie and I'm Clyde.  This chump, he doesn't look like a Clyde to me.   I'M your Clyde, Nina.  Marry ME!  
    JUSTICE OF THE PEACE:  So, we have a bride, but who's the groom? 
    FRANCO & RIC:  I AM! 

   GARAGE

     HAYDEN:  I...Someone else...knows...who...Jake...
     SAM:  Hayden, the ambulance is on the way.  Stay with me.   What about Jake's true identity? 

 OUTSIDE GARAGE

    JORDAN:  Sorry, Shawn, but I am a cop and I saw you shoot...well, whoever ended up being shot. 
   SHAWN:  You BETRAYED me, Jordan!   I will NEVER forgive you.  You never truly loved me. 
   JAKE:  Hey, cops, get the hell in there!   A woman is dying!   Chop chop!  
  
  WYNDEMERE

    LIZ:  I know why you sent Hayden to rat us out to Jake.  YOU STILL WANT ME!  
    NIKOLAS:  You flatter yourself.   I wanted Hayden out of my life.   All that Petit Mort was really a nuisance.  
    LIZ:  You totally sold me out and I will NOT forgive you for this.  
    NIKOLAS:  It's for the best, Liz.   No more lies.  No more 24/7 demands for sex.  I'm free to fall in love with the next damsel in distress who is starstruck by my title and my mansion. 
    LIZ:  But what about ELQ? 
    NIKOLAS:  Screw ELQ!   The price is too high.  

  PIER

   SLOANE:  I smell dead Carrrrrrlos Rrrrrrrrriverrrrrra!   Great job, Anna.  You killed the only guy who could testify against Jerome.  
   ANNA:  So arrest me, then!   I know you want to.   Slap those cuffs on me, Sloane.
   SLOANE:  Nah.  Prison bars would kill our smoldering sexual tension.  
   ANNA:  So you're going to help me cover this up?  
   SLOANE:  First thing's first.   We have to move this body.  
 
 HOSPITAL

   PATRICK:  Earth to Elizabeth?   What's up?   No scrubs.  Staring at the computer like you've never seen one before in your life.   I'm going to venture a guess that you've been having a bad day.
   LIZ:  It's complicated.  
   PARAMEDICS:  GSW victim coming through!  Female, mid 30s, looks like that fake wife we saw on the Nurses' Ball coverage on Access Port Chuckles.  
   JAKE:  Hayden's been shot.  
   LIZ:  I thought you two were history.   What was she doing at the garage?  
   JAKE:  She had something she needed to tell me and Sam.  Do you think she'll pull though.
   LIZ:  If I have anything to do with it--
   PATRICK:  Stay out of the cubicle, Elizabeth!  

  NINA'S SUITE

    JUSTICE OF THE PEACE:  Is there anyone here who can give a reason why these two should not be married.
    FRANCO:  ME!  ME!  ME!   This guy is scum and I am the one Nina really loves, right Nina?
    NINA:  WRONG!  I do!  I'll be your wife, Ric!  
    JUSTICE OF THE PEACE:  You may now kiss the bride.
    FRANCO:  NO FAIR!  

  WYNDEMERE

     NIKOLAS'S GOON:  Mission accomplished!  Get his, Sonny's #1 goon Shawn Butler's taking the fall.  He was aiming for Hayden's former pretend hubby. 
     NIKOLAS:  Excellent work!   How very Cassadine of me.  Now that Hayden has been silenced, Liz can thank me later.