Live! Part I: Break It Up!

     GH went live and stuff gets broken.  Like priceless Russian vases, barware, and MetroCourt coffee tables and Carrrrrrrlos.   Hurricane Hayden busts Nik and Liz's Jason secret wide open, chucking priceless antiques in the process.  The more I see this cray-cray chick, the more I like her!  Speaking of cray-cray, Nina changes into a wedding dress while Franco apologizes to her.   Who's the  groom?  Not Franco.   Sonny backs Julian up against a table full of barware, threatens to rearrange his face, then pushes over the table and barware in true Sonny Corinthos fashion.  Sam is SUPER PISSED when Jake denies not killing Duke and is flummoxed when he later tells her he didn't kill Duke but he's ready to take the fall for a crime he didn't commit.  Anna gets Sabrina to spill Carrrrrrrrrlos's location and puts a bullet in him. 

    WYNDEMERE

     HAYDEN:  So, Prince Nikky, you can give me la petit mort anytime now.   Elizabeth won't mind. 
     NIKOLAS:  Do you mind, Hayden?  Liz and I are busy. 
     HAYDEN:  Busy talking trash about yours truly, right, Elizabeth?   Meanwhile, Poor Jake is calling himself Jake Doe and he's totally clueless about his true identity.   Why?  So YOU can give him LA PETIT MORT without HIS WIFE getting in the way.  That's right.  His real wife.  Sam MORGAN!
    LIZ:  What goes on between me and Jake is NONE of your BEESWAX.  Besides, you have no room to talk about Jake's WIFE, seeing that you conspired with my SLIMEBALL of an ex to pretend to BE Jake's wife. 
   HAYDEN:  All hail the sacred COW!   Hey, Prince, I hope you're not too attached to those fancy-schmancy vases of yours.   (takes a vase and chucks it across the room)  I know the little SECRET you two are keeping so I can smash every 15th century priceless relic in this spooky castle because Prince Nikky is afraid I'll sing like a canary.
  NIKOLAS:  Guess what, Hayden?  I'm not afraid of you anymore.  Go tell Jake he's Jason.  Hire a skywriter.  Broadcast it on Access Port Charles.  See if I care.
  LIZ:  Nikolas!  I could BITCH SLAP you about 50 times right now!   Jake-son is MINE!   This was MY CHANCE with him.
  NIKOLAS:  Sorry, Liz, but Hayden is making my entire whackjob family look good in comparison right now and if I don't get rid of her, she will La Petit Mort me into an early grave. 
  HAYDEN:  Damn straight I will.  Gotta go.  Jason Morgan needs his life back.   (in a sing-songy voice) I'M GONNA TE-ELL, I'M GONNA TE-ELL! 

  SONNY'S HOUSE

   JULIAN:  (crossing his fingers behind his back) So you want to know who killed your bestie?  It was Jake Doe.   Turns out changing oil isn't his only talent.  Unfortunately, poor Jake-come-lately won't get off Scot-free.  Get it, Scot-free?
  SONNY:  I'm glad you think a man's death is so hilarious. 
  JULIAN:  Just when I thought you had a sense of humor.   So are you going to give Le Grand Mort to Jake now.  Fair warning:  You'll piss Carly off big-time.  You see, Jake is HER bestie.   I can't imagine life in the sack is going to be pleasant after you finish him off.
  SONNY:  Leave CARLY out of this, you SON OF A BITCH or I'll shatter some barware on your ass!

   SABRINA'S APARTMENT

    ANNA:  Now you are going to call Carlos and casually ask him where he is so I can put the drop on him.
    SABRINA:  I'm so torn.   I want to help you and Duke was such a nice guy, but Carrrrrrlos and I go back a long way.   All the way to Puerto Rico. 
    ANNA:  You can do this, Sabrina.  Dial his number. 
    SABRINA:  Carrrrrrrrlos?   How are you?   Have you skipped town yet? 
    CARLOS:  (over phone):  I'm so sorry Zabrrrrrrrrina!   So sorry I tied you up.   I am on Pier 54 waiting for a boat to take me to parts unknown.
    SABRINA:  Be careful, Carrrrrrrrrlos! 

    NINA'S SUITE

   FRANCO:  I brought you an "I'm sorry for thinking you're bonkers" gift.   Check it out.
   NINA:  What the hell is THAT? 
   FRANCO:  Duh!  It's an Egg Salad Sandwich! 
   NINA:  You brought me a weird stripey abstract painting of a sandwich to apologize for not trusting me? 
   FRANCO:  It's a Heather Webber special.   Don't worry, it's not laced with LSD.  At least I don't think it is. 
   NINA:  I have to get dressed.  Big day today.   The maintenance man is coming to fix my table.
   FRANCO:   But I haven't finished apologizing!


   GARAGE

    SAM:  Did you kill Duke Lavery?
    JAKE:  I plead the fifth.
    SAM:  (bitch-slaps Jake) How DARE you actually do MOB things for a mobster instead of scrubbing toilets and fixing carburetors! 
    JAKE:  All the toilets were scrubbed and I got bored.
    SAM:  YOU BASTARD!   Emma LOVED her Uncle Duke! 
    JAKE:  Sorry about that.   A mobster's gotta do what a mobster's gotta do.

   WYNDEMERE

     LIZ:  So you're just going to LET that skank ruin EVERYTHING!   When word gets out that we KNEW Jake was Jason, we'll be run out of town! 
    NIKOLAS:  You can always hide out here at Wyndemere.  I have 5,000 rooms.  No one will ever find you.
    LIZ:  I am like REALLY REALLY REALLY SUPER PISSED at you right now.
    NIKOLAS:  And I am finally free from Hayden.   Talk about being a kept man! 

   SONNY'S HOUSE

   SONNY:  Scram, Julian! 
   JULIAN:  Until the next time you want to bust my ass.  Toodle loo!
   SHAWN:  So, are we going to bump Jake off or not.
   SONNY:   Jake's going DOWN.

   PIER 54

   SLOANE:  What was that, Julian?  At the garage?   I'm on it!
   JORDAN:  Since when does Julian Jerome let you into his circle of trust?
   SLOANE:  He's setting Corinthos up.   A mob hit is going down and we're going to be front and center.
   JORDAN:  I'll pass.  Can't be caught helping Julian out or Shawn kicks me out of bed.
   SLOANE:  Relax, Julian's informant is the one Sonny's going after.   Sloane for the win!

   GARAGE

   SAM: What's up, Jake?  Do you have a death wish or something? 
   JAKE:  Face it, Sam.  I'm mobbed up to my eyeballs and my skill set is best used in the mobular capacity.  Your step-grandmother gave me an excellent reference.
   HAYDEN:  Hey there fake hubby!  Have I got a scoop for you!
   JAKE:  Get lost, fake wife!   Sam and I are in the middle of a conversation. 
   HAYDEN:  Sam's gonna want to hear this too.  It's a real humdinger.

   SABRINA'S APARTMENT

   ANNA:  So, where is he?
   SABRINA:  Anna, don't make me throw Carrrrrrrrrrrrrlos under the bus!  Please!  Pretty please with a cherry on top? 
   ANNA:  Sabrina, you HAVE to do this so Duke can get justice. 
   SABRINA:  He's...he's...at the pier.  Hurry! 

    NINA'S SUITE

    NINA:  (in wedding gown and veil) Ta-da! 
    FRANCO: Did I miss something?  When did we get engaged?   How could I have forgotten to plan an ENTIRE WEDDING?  
     NINA:  I'm not marrying YOU, you un-trusting, thinking-I'm-crazy ex-boyfriend-ex-roomie!  
     FRANCO:  Then who are you marrying, IF you are actually getting married?  Who is the lucky fiance?
     NINA:  His name is George.  George Glass.      
     FRANCO:  He dumped Jan Brady for you?  
     NINA:  I guess I reminded him more of MARCIA MARCIA MARCIA!    

   PIER 54

   ANNA:  Carlos, I know you killed Duke.
  CARLOS:  Duke?  Nah, I didn't kill him.
  ANNA:  Save it.   I have a witness statement.
  CARLOS:  That's it?   Good luck with that.
  ANNA:  You know what?  Screw the law.   Get ready to meet your maker, Mr. Rivera!  (shoots Carlos)