Stay With Me...

   ...Says Julian to Alexis, who learns that Gin Baby "died".   TweedleMorgan and TweedleKiki fight over whose fault it is that Crypt Baby is back with Michael.  Olivia starts out lying to Dante about Gin Baby but decides to tell him the truth.  Jake and Sam bond over Sam's con-woman past while waiting to hear news on Hayden.   Anna and Sloane get rid of the evidence of the dearly or not-so-dearly departed Carrrrrrrrrlos Rrrrrrrrrrriverrrrrrrra as Liz returns from Wyndemere.   Michael and Sabrina go on their second date, ordering in at her apartment as she awaits news on Carrrrrrrrrrlos.   Patrick tells Jake, Sam, and Liz that Hayden is in a coma.

       HOSPITAL

       DANTE:  Hi Mom, how's my microscopic baby bro?
       OLIVIA:  (fake crying) He's...He's...gone!  Never mind.  He's still alive.
       DANTE:  Ma, you're killing me!  Which is it?
       OLIVIA:  He's alive, but he's been whisked away to a private hospital.  Julian thinks he's dead.
       DANTE:  Oooooookay, how did you swing that?
       OLIVIA:  Ned's bank account and Dr. Obrecht's appreciation of said bank account.   Ned's looking out for the baby.   We had to protect him from Julian, Dante.   It was the only way.

       SABRINA'S APARTMENT

       SABRINA:  OMG, Michael, I'm so sorry I COMPLETELY forgot about our second date.   I was too busy worrying about Carrrrrrrrrrlos.   If Anna arrested him, it should be on the news, right?
       MICHAEL:  You would think, but escaped tigers might take precedence over Julian Jerome's favorite goon.
       SABRINA:  It's been HOURS since I pointed Anna in Carrrrrrrrrlos's direction.   Sorry for going on about Carrrrrrrlos.  You didn't come over here to hear about my mobster ex.
       MICHAEL:  We can order some noodles or pizza and eat here.
       SABRINA:  Michael, you're the best boss-turned-possible-boyfriend EVER!

       HOSPITAL

       JAKE:  How long does brain surgery last?   I mean, I know I've HAD my share of brain surgery, but it wasn't like I was looking at my watch on the table wondering when it was going to be over.
      SAM:  You're really worried about your fake wife, aren't you?
      JAKE:  The whole fake wife thing wasn't ALL her fault.  Ric had a little something to do with it.  Besides, Hayden was broke.
      SAM:  I can relate.   Once upon of time, I was a con woman myself.
      JAKE:  It just got real.
      SAM:  I left a trail of fake husbands in my wake.  Hayden's got nothing on me.
   

      JULIAN'S APARTMENT
  
      JULIAN:  Come out with your hands up!
      ALEXIS:  You can drop the gun, Julian.  I'm only here to get my stuff.
      JULIAN:  And here I thought you changed your mind.
      ALEXIS:  No, I'm still pissed at you for doing your mob doings.   Are you okay, Julian?
      JULIAN:  My baby boy is dead and all I have of him is this bracelet.
      ALEXIS:  He's...OMG, Julian, I'm so sorry!   Are you sure this isn't some scam Olivia and Ned are pulling?
       JULIAN:  The thought did occur to me, but then Obrecht showed me his remains.  He was accidentally cremated.
      ALEXIS:  You should sue.
      JULIAN:  I'm a mob boss.  I'm loaded.   Besides, suing the hospital won't bring my son back.
      ALEXIS:  I'd better grab my stuff and let you grieve in peace.
      JULIAN:  Stay with me, Alexis.  Stay with me.
 
    PIER

    SLOANE:  We need to get rid of all the evidence of dead Carrrrrrrrlos.   I dumped his body in the harbor.  Now we have to wash away the blood.
    ANNA:  I still can't believe Duke is gone.
    SLOANE:  I still can't believe you killed the guy who could put Julian away, but we move on.   Grab a bucket.  We have blood stains to take care of.
    LIZ:  Did I hear someone mention blood?   OMG, Anna, I'm so sorry about Duke.  I know you guys think Jake did it but he didn't.   He was busy having some petit mort with me.   What's going on here?   Are you investigating the shooting?
   ANNA:  Shooting?
   LIZ:  Sonny sent Shawn to kill Jake and he hit someone else instead.   Someone who knows something that can ruin my life.  Well, I gotta go back to the hospital to see how said someone is doing.
  
  SILAS'S APARTMENT

   KIKI:  I'm so TOTALLY pissed at you, Morgan.  You COERCED me into following your STUPID PLAN to drug Michael and NOW he had Avery again.
   MORGAN:  Um, Kiki, did you skip the part where I held a gun to your head and made you got along with said stupid plan?   You were ALL FOR getting Avery back by any means necessary.
   KIKI:  And now where is she?  Back with MICHAEL because he traded our freedom for custody of MY LITTLE SISTER!
  MORGAN:  At least we're not in P-ville right now.
  KIKI:  No thanks to YOU!   
  MORGAN:  I'm so turned on by your pissed-offedness.  (Kisses Kiki and their heads bang together, Three Stooges-style.  Okay, so the head banging didn't happen but man, those two are dumb!)

   PIER

   SLOANE:  Well, we took care of most of the blood stains.  Forecast calls for rain, so we can let Mother Nature take care of the rest.  Let's get out of here, Anna.
   ANNA:  I'm feeling so morose right now.  But thank you, Kyle, for saving my ass.
   SLOANE:  Aw shucks, Anna!   It seems ol' Faison's affection for you is contagious.  Or it left him and transferred to me.  Let's go back to your hotel room.  I could use another shower to get Carrrrrlos off of me.
   CARRRRRRRRLOS'S BLOOD:  Good luck with that.   

  HOSPITAL

   PATRICK:  Hayden's alive, but she's in a coma.  Things aren't looking so good.
   JAKE and SAM:  Oh no!
   LIZ:  (to herself):  Phew!   The Secret lives on!      


   Wishing a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Constance Towers, who is quite the opposite of Helena in real life, but who makes her character deliciously evil whenever she's on-screen!   She is as gorgeous and gracious as ever.