Off The Hook

    Jake gives Liz the good news that he's no longer facing a prison sentence, but he's not so sure Sloane will be able to get him off the hook with Julian.   Valerie applies for a job at the PCPD.  Lulu is suspicious of Nikolas's reaction to Hayden's shooting.   Ava's doppelganger Denise gets hauled in for questioning for Ava's crimes and reluctantly agrees to a DNA test.   Julian tells Sloane he's out of the mob and that Jake is off the hook.   Nina refuses to heed Franco's warning about Ric.   Against Jordan's advice, Shawn pleads guilty to attempted murder in Hayden's shooting and decides against telling TJ he's his father.  

   NINA'S SUITE

      NINA:  This painting is hideous.  You can have it back. 
      FRANCO:  I don't WANT it back, Nina.  I gave it to you.   It's YOURS.
      NINA:  (shoves Franco's head through the painting)  I don't THINK SO!  
      FRANCO:  Well that gives selfie a whole new meaning.   You BROKE the egg salad!  Your auntie Liesl is going to be PISSED!  
   
      PCPD

      VALERIE:  Dante, I am SO SORRY about your baby brother!   That is SO SAD!   Olivia must be DEVASTATED. 
       DANTE:  Thanks for the concern, Valerie.  My mom's hanging in there.   It's been...rough.  
       VALERIE:  Guess what?   I'm applying for a job here so we can work together!  Won't that be SUPER FUN?   That is, unless it would make Lulu uncomfortable.  I can always run this application through the shredder.  
        DANTE:  I don't have a problem with it.   Do you have any, I don't know, experience, in law enforcement?  
        VALERIE:  Well, let's see, I majored in criminology...
         DANTE:  Well, what are you waiting for?  Go fill out that application.  

      WYNDEMERE

      LULU:  I heard Hayden got shot.  
      NIKOLAS:  Yeah, I heard that too.  Tough break.  
      LULU:  You mean you're not beside yourself with worry over your new girlfriend's gunshot wound to the head and possibly irreversible coma?  What the HELL, big brother?  
       NIKOLAS:  Hayden and I, well, we weren't all THAT close.   It was all about la petit mort, little sis, all about la petit mort.  
       LULU:  Where's my cuz?  Did she get lost in the catacombs yet?  
       NIKOLAS:  She went to see Dante. 
       LULU:  Say WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? 

      JULIAN'S PENTHOUSE

       SLOANE:  Ava Jerome, you have the right to remain silent.  Anything you say can be used against you in a court of law.   Do you understand your rights?
       DENISE:  How many times do I have to tell youse guys I ain't Ava Jerome?  
       SLOANE:  Save it, Ms Jerome.  I can see through that wig and that phony accent.   Take her away, boys.  
       DENISE:  Youse got the wrong woman, boys.   Youse gonna facepalm when youse find out youse just arrested a haihstylist from Brooklyn and not the lady mobstah youse aftah.  
       SLOANE:  While I'm here, I have a favor to ask of you, Julian.  Can you let Jake out of your mob? 
       JULIAN:  You must not have gotten the memo, Sloane.  There is no more mob.  I'm going legit for real this time.   Only Derek Wells Media from here on out.   Whaddaya think, guys?  Should I start calling myself Derek again?  
       SLOANE:  So Jake Doe is off the hook? 
       JULIAN:  Okay.   
       SLOANE:  Awesome.  I'll let him know.  
       JULIAN:  Alexis, will you please, pretty please with a cherry on top, be Ava's lawyer, just in case she really is Ava? 
       ALEXIS:  Fine,  Damn it!  
      
     COURTHOUSE

       SHAWN:  TJ, I have something to say to you.   I am...
       BAILIFF:  All rise!  
       SHAWN:  (to himself) not going to tell you I'm really your father because I'm getting myself sent to the big house. 
       SCOTT:  So, Butler, are going to take the deal.  
       RIC:  What deal?  
       SCOTT:  (fingers crossed behind back)  Oops!  Did I forget to tell you about the deal?   Sorry, NOT SORRY!  
       SHAWN:  It doesn't matter.  I'm not taking it.  I plead guilty.  
       TJ:  (to himself) CRAP! 
       JORDAN: (to herself)  CRAP!  
       SONNY:  (to himself)  Now THERE'S loyalty! 

        PCPD

       DANTE:  Look, lady, you're gonna have to prove you're not Ava.  I'm gonna need to take your prints. 
       DENISE:  Don't got any.  All those haih chemicals do a numbah on mah fingahs.  
       DANTE:  And you don't wear gloves?  
       DENISE:  Can't.  I'm allergic.  You know how that goes. 
       DANTE:  Actually I do.   So we can get your DNA. 
       DENISE:  Do ya hafta?  
       DANTE:  We can always send you to Pentonville.  
       DENISE:  To wheah?   
       ALEXIS:  The state pen.  
       DENISE:  Fine, you can have mah DNA.  

      LIZ'S HOUSE
 
      SONNY:  Knock knock
      LIZ:  Sonny?  
      SONNY:  Jake here?
      LIZ:  Depends.  Are you here to blow his head off?
      SONNY:  Not as long as I hear from him that he didn't kill Duke.  
      JAKE:  I didn't kill Duke.  I'm out of the mob now anyway, so you don't have to worry about killing me anymore.
      SONNY:  You're out?  That easy?  Come on!   You expect me to believe Julian just LET YOU GO?
       
      COURTHOUSE

       TJ:  Shawn, what were you going to say to me?  
       SHAWN:  I was going to say that I...I was planning to plead guilty.  I'm really sorry TJ.  I couldn't be more proud of you if I was your own father.  
       TJ:  I'll miss you, man!  (weeps)  
       JORDAN:  (weeps along with TJ)

      NINA'S SUITE

      FRANCO:  Ric is only after you for your money. 
      NINA:  I can't get to my money, Franco.  
      FRANCO:  Maybe you can't, but Ric's into this lawyering thing and he's a conniving slimeball, so I'm thinking he might rob you blind.  After all, he's having cash flow problems after his fake wife scam fell through.  
      NINA:  Here's an idea.  Why don't you take your broken egg salad painting and get lost before my HUSBAND gets home.