So says TJ, who defends Sonny to his terrified mother, Jordan. Patrick is unsure whether or not he can remove the bullet from Sonny's spine. Ric causes a scene at the hospital with Carly, Michael, and Morgan. Dante angrily questions Julian about Sonny's shooting. Lulu fills Olivia in on the non-wedding. With Tracy as his witness, Paul signs the divorce papers, ending his and Jenny Eckert's marriage.
HOSPITAL
PATRICK: The bullet is lodged in Sonny's spine. Maybe I can remove it, but maybe I can't.
MORGAN: Take it OUT, Patrick! Take that GODDAMNED BULLET OUTTA MY DAD!
CARLY: Is Sonny going to make it?
PATRICK: Too soon to tell. Seeing as he's the only patient at this hospital, however, and I'm the only doctor, I will give him my undivided attention.
MORGAN: REMOVE. BULLET. NOW.
JAKE: Hey, Morgan, how's about turning it down a few notches?
JORDAN'S OFFICE
TJ: Sonny saved my life tonight.
JORDAN: More like Sonny RISKED your life tonight. I FORBID you to live with him. You hear me, TJ? I FORBID!
TJ: But...but...but he showed up by himself unarmed and took a BULLET for me.
JORDAN: What were you doing in that warehouse in the first place? Let me guess...Sonny's enemies used you as BAIT!
TJ: And look at me! All in one piece!
JORDAN: For now.
TJ: Sonny has my back, Mom, and I have his.
SONNY'S HOUSE
LULU: (over phone) Olivia, Sonny got shot.
OLIVIA: OMG! And on his wedding day too! OMG, where's Dante?
LULU: At the station trying to figure out whose neck he needs to wring.
HOSPITAL
CARLY: Jake, what all went down at the warehouse?
JAKE: Sam and I were at the pier on the way home from trying to blackmail Nikolas and we heard a gunshot. When I got to the warehouse, TJ was tied to a chair, freaking out, and Sonny was on the floor bleeding out. Some goons were trying to finish Sonny off, then kill TJ, so I took 'em out BOOM BOOM BOOM. Then, Sam untied TJ and called 911 while I tried to keep the rest of Sonny's blood inside his body.
CARLY: You and Sam saved Sonny's life tonight. Mad props to your badassery!
JAKE: Aw, shucks! I just did what any nice, unassuming dude who wears black shirts and has superior goon skills would do.
Q MANSION
PAUL: There you have it. My marriage to Jenny just a signature away from being over and done with. I guess this being a husband thing is not my strong suit.
TRACY: Join the club. The Qs are known for saying "til divorce do us part".
PAUL: I was just as crappy a dad as I was a husband. I gave up trying to see Dillon.
TRACY: To be fair, I am the reigning champion of keep-away.
SABRINA: Don't mind me. I'm just passing through the living room on the way to Michael's bedroom to pick up a change of clothes in case he has to stay at the hospital.
TRACY: Hospital? What happened to Michael? Don't tell me a mob war broke out at that wedding!
SABRINA: Michael's fine. Sonny got shot down at the pier. He never made it to the wedding.
PCPD
DANTE: Cut the crap, Julian and just confess to having Sonny shot.
JULIAN: Sonny was shot?
DANTE: I'M ASKIN' THE QUESTIONS HERE! If you didn't shoot my father, which one of your goons did?
JULIAN: I've gone goon-free, detective. Lawyer's orders. In this case, my lawyer is also my lover, but why split hairs?
DANTE: Quit clownin' around and tell my why my father is in the hospital fighting for his life! AM I GONNA HAVE TO KICK SOME CHAIRS HERE? Because I'll kick 'em. I'LL KICK 'EM!
PIER
SAM: I miss Jason. We are standing on the very pier where he was taken from me forever.
JAKE: Dang, this Jason must have been the second coming the way everyone in this town talks about him.
SAM: Don't get me wrong, I love Patrick, and all, but in my mind, I'm playing out this alternate reality where Jason is still alive and he's standing right next to me.
JAKE: Should I move out of his way? Or is he standing on the other side of you?
SAM: He would like you, Jake. He really would.
HOSPITAL
RIC: How's my brother?
MORGAN: YOU TELL ME! YOU PUT HIM HERE AND I'M FIXIN' TO KICK YOUR ASS!
RIC: You're seriously accusing me of shooting MY OWN BROTHER?
MORGAN: You let that no-neck of Julian's go free and that's why Dad got shot.
CARLY: You released that Charlie guy? Morgan's right. This IS all your fault.
RIC: The mayor made me do it.
CARLY: The mayor made you do it? Really, Ric? REALLY??? You've been gunning for Sonny since the day you came to Port Chuckles.
RIC: In case you haven't noticed, Carly, Sonny and I are simpatico now. By the way, since you're not married to him, Michael's not related and Morgan's lost his mind, I am his next of kin.
MICHAEL: Like HELL you are! I AM SONNY'S SON.
RIC: Didn't you renounce the Corinthos name? No backsies, Michael. NO BACKSIES!
SONNY'S HOUSE
LULU: Dante thinks it was Julian's goons who shot Sonny.
OLIVIA: I just ran into Julian on the pier about 3 hours ago.
LULU: OMG, I have to tell Dante. Gotta run.
OLIVIA: Isn't there this thing called a PHONE?
Q MANSION
PAUL: Life is too short not to sign divorce papers.
PCPD:
LULU: Dante, Olivia saw Julian at the pier 3 hours ago.
DANTE: What do you have to say to yourself, Mr. Jerome?
Thursday, September 10, 2015
Wednesday, September 9, 2015
Carly & Sonny's Wedding #5: Carly Finds Out
Jake tells Carly that Sonny's been shot. Maxie, Lulu, & Sabrina kibitz about Sonny's dangerous mobular lifestyle. Jordan lays into Dante after TJ explains what went down at the warehouse. Sloane throws Anna's murder of Carrrrrrlos in her face. Ava asks Julian to stop Sonny & Carly's wedding. Patrick gives Sonny's family an update on Sonny's condition.
SONNY'S HOUSE
JAKE: Sorry to be a wedding crasher and all, but there's a reason I have blood all over my shirt. Sonny's been shot.
CARLY: OMG OMG OMG! Is Sonny ALIVE, Jake? IS HE ALIVE???
JAKE: Barely, but yes. The ambulance came and he's probably in the ER by now.
CARLY: Michael, fire up the teleporter. I need to be in his ER cubicle STAT!
PCPD
TJ: So I was making Sonny & Carly's wedding cake and--
JORDAN: Since when do you bake cakes for mobster weddings, TJ?
TJ: Can we stick to what happened in the warehouse, Mom? Anyway, two masked dudes jumped me, put a bag over my head and took me to this warehouse. They made me call Sonny and tell him to come unarmed and without backup. If he hadn't gone to save MY ASS, he'd be getting married right now. This is ALL MY FAULT!
DANTE: Dude, you didn't ask to be kidnapped! So who shot Sonny? Was it Charlie No-Neck?
TJ: I didn't see him. The shot literally came out of NOWHERE. Sonny kicked Charlie's ass and grabbed his gun. While he was ordering Charlie to untie me, one of his hidden goons must have shot Sonny. Mr. C saved my life.
JORDAN: Like hell he did! Those thugs USED you to get to Sonny. This is MY WORST NIGHTMARE COME TRUE!
TJ: Chill, Mom, I'm all in one piece. Sonny's the one who might be dying and he's the one who saved my life.
JORDAN'S OFFICE
SLOANE: You get me an immunity deal or I'll sing a song of murder of a man named Carrrrrrrrlos Rrrrrrrrriverrrrrrrrrrrra. Remember him? The ghost who haunted your every waking and sleeping moment and drove you to drink enough to have sex with me?
ANNA: If I recall correctly, you got rid of the evidence.
SLOANE: WRONG! I kept that gun. Never know when it might come in handy. You know, leverage and all.
ANNA: YOU SCUM!!! Duke would mop the floor with you, Kyle.
SLOANE: Yeah, Duke the mobster who chose Sonny over you. How's that for loyalty?
ANNA: At least he doesn't go around carrying murder weapons in ziploc bags.
HOSPITAL
CARLY: Save Sonny, Patrick. SAVE. HIM. NOW.
PATRICK: Kinda hard to do that with you YELLING. IN. MY. EAR.
CARLY: Sonny, don't die! Don't you DARE die on me, Sonny! SAVE HIM, GODDAMNIT!
PATRICK: Throwing you out of the ER in 3..2...Michael, can you help me clear all hysterical relatives from my workspace?
MORGAN: Dad, you gotta live, man! DAD!
MICHAEL: Will do.
SONNY'S HOUSE
MAXIE: OMG! Life is so fragile! Everyone around Sonny gets hurt. But I kinda admire Sonny's badassishness. OMG! No one else die on me, okay? Need. Alcohol. Now.
LULU: I think we can all use a drink.
AVERY: GIMME!
SABRINA: I'm so glad Michael is with the Qs now and away from the mob. Maybe he should have kept Avery after all.
MAXIE: Remember how Michael went to prison to protect Sonny? And how he shot Crazy Claudia?
SABRINA: But...but...Michael's a Disney Prince now, when he's not being drugged by his brother and Kiki.
AVERY: Da Da Da Ba Ba Ya Ya Goo Goo!
LULU: So sweet, yet so oblivious!
HOSPITAL
SAM: Jake saved Sonny's life. He shot Charlie and his goons and got himself all bloodied up trying to keep Sonny from bleeding out.
JAKE: I wouldn't go THAT far.
CARLY: Are you sure you're not Jason?
JAKE: Very funny, Carly.
PATRICK: Listen up, everyone. Sonny needs blood for a transfusion.
MORGAN: I'll do it.
CARLY: If he gets a transfusion, does that mean he'll live?
PATRICK: Maybe.
PCPD JAIL
AVA: Julian, can you do me a favor and stop Sonny & Carly from getting married. When I think of CARLY being Avery's mother, I die a little inside.
JULIAN: How am I supposed to stop this wedding? Blow up the altar?
AVA: You don't know what it's like to lose a child.
JULIAN: Oh REALLY, Ava? REALLY? Remember how my kid with Olivia DIED and I never got to see him? REMEMBER THAT?
AVA: Yeah, there was that. Sorry.
JULIAN: All I know is that the kid's name was Leo and that Olivia's hiding something.
SONNY'S HOUSE
JAKE: Sorry to be a wedding crasher and all, but there's a reason I have blood all over my shirt. Sonny's been shot.
CARLY: OMG OMG OMG! Is Sonny ALIVE, Jake? IS HE ALIVE???
JAKE: Barely, but yes. The ambulance came and he's probably in the ER by now.
CARLY: Michael, fire up the teleporter. I need to be in his ER cubicle STAT!
PCPD
TJ: So I was making Sonny & Carly's wedding cake and--
JORDAN: Since when do you bake cakes for mobster weddings, TJ?
TJ: Can we stick to what happened in the warehouse, Mom? Anyway, two masked dudes jumped me, put a bag over my head and took me to this warehouse. They made me call Sonny and tell him to come unarmed and without backup. If he hadn't gone to save MY ASS, he'd be getting married right now. This is ALL MY FAULT!
DANTE: Dude, you didn't ask to be kidnapped! So who shot Sonny? Was it Charlie No-Neck?
TJ: I didn't see him. The shot literally came out of NOWHERE. Sonny kicked Charlie's ass and grabbed his gun. While he was ordering Charlie to untie me, one of his hidden goons must have shot Sonny. Mr. C saved my life.
JORDAN: Like hell he did! Those thugs USED you to get to Sonny. This is MY WORST NIGHTMARE COME TRUE!
TJ: Chill, Mom, I'm all in one piece. Sonny's the one who might be dying and he's the one who saved my life.
JORDAN'S OFFICE
SLOANE: You get me an immunity deal or I'll sing a song of murder of a man named Carrrrrrrrlos Rrrrrrrrriverrrrrrrrrrrra. Remember him? The ghost who haunted your every waking and sleeping moment and drove you to drink enough to have sex with me?
ANNA: If I recall correctly, you got rid of the evidence.
SLOANE: WRONG! I kept that gun. Never know when it might come in handy. You know, leverage and all.
ANNA: YOU SCUM!!! Duke would mop the floor with you, Kyle.
SLOANE: Yeah, Duke the mobster who chose Sonny over you. How's that for loyalty?
ANNA: At least he doesn't go around carrying murder weapons in ziploc bags.
HOSPITAL
CARLY: Save Sonny, Patrick. SAVE. HIM. NOW.
PATRICK: Kinda hard to do that with you YELLING. IN. MY. EAR.
CARLY: Sonny, don't die! Don't you DARE die on me, Sonny! SAVE HIM, GODDAMNIT!
PATRICK: Throwing you out of the ER in 3..2...Michael, can you help me clear all hysterical relatives from my workspace?
MORGAN: Dad, you gotta live, man! DAD!
MICHAEL: Will do.
SONNY'S HOUSE
MAXIE: OMG! Life is so fragile! Everyone around Sonny gets hurt. But I kinda admire Sonny's badassishness. OMG! No one else die on me, okay? Need. Alcohol. Now.
LULU: I think we can all use a drink.
AVERY: GIMME!
SABRINA: I'm so glad Michael is with the Qs now and away from the mob. Maybe he should have kept Avery after all.
MAXIE: Remember how Michael went to prison to protect Sonny? And how he shot Crazy Claudia?
SABRINA: But...but...Michael's a Disney Prince now, when he's not being drugged by his brother and Kiki.
AVERY: Da Da Da Ba Ba Ya Ya Goo Goo!
LULU: So sweet, yet so oblivious!
HOSPITAL
SAM: Jake saved Sonny's life. He shot Charlie and his goons and got himself all bloodied up trying to keep Sonny from bleeding out.
JAKE: I wouldn't go THAT far.
CARLY: Are you sure you're not Jason?
JAKE: Very funny, Carly.
PATRICK: Listen up, everyone. Sonny needs blood for a transfusion.
MORGAN: I'll do it.
CARLY: If he gets a transfusion, does that mean he'll live?
PATRICK: Maybe.
PCPD JAIL
AVA: Julian, can you do me a favor and stop Sonny & Carly from getting married. When I think of CARLY being Avery's mother, I die a little inside.
JULIAN: How am I supposed to stop this wedding? Blow up the altar?
AVA: You don't know what it's like to lose a child.
JULIAN: Oh REALLY, Ava? REALLY? Remember how my kid with Olivia DIED and I never got to see him? REMEMBER THAT?
AVA: Yeah, there was that. Sorry.
JULIAN: All I know is that the kid's name was Leo and that Olivia's hiding something.
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
Carly & Sonny's Wedding #5: Scene Stealer
The adorable Crypt Baby was in full-throttle cute mode today, chewing on headbands and teething rings and saying "Yay!", blissfully unaware of her daddy clinging to life on the warehouse floor. As a matter of fact, the bride is blissfully unaware just the same, until Jake shows up with blood on his shirt. TJ feel guilty about Sonny being shot. Sloane has something to hold over Anna's head in exchange for an immunity deal. Hayden is skeptical of the false memories Nikolas is trying to plant in her head. Carly is happy that Morgan is willing to see Dr. Collins.
SONNY'S HOUSE
MORGAN: Where the hell is Dad? What's taking him so long? Now that I'm not so hung over, I'm really, REALLY nervous.
DANTE: Something's not right here. I'm gonna call my cop friends down at the station.
MORGAN: You think Dad's been arrested or somethin'?
DANTE: I don't know what to think, man.
WAREHOUSE
JAKE: (shooting at Charlie and his goons) BANG! BANG BANG BANG! I think I got 'em all. Sam, untie TJ. I'm gonna try to save Sonny's life, even though he hates my guts. Sonny, stay alive, man!
TJ: He's still alive? That's good. I thought he was dead and those goons were going to kill me next. Thanks for the save, man.
JAKE: Crap. He's gonna bleed to death. Call 911, Sam. If only I had some MacGyver doctor skills. Carly's my BFF and I can't let her fiance die on their wedding day.
SAM: (on the phone with 911): Man with GSW and bleeding up an ocean in a warehouse on Pier 54. Hurry! It's his wedding day!
TJ: He was shot through the heart and I'm to blame. He came here to save MY ass.
JORDAN'S OFFICE
ANNA: So, Kyle, did you convince Nikolas to give ELQ back to Michael?
SLOANE: Nope. In a tug-of-war between a guy who's paying me to be on his side and a woman who doesn't want to be my main squeeze, you lost, Anna.
ANNA: So you flipped on me because I wouldn't go out with you? Some moral compass you have!
SLOANE: While we're on the subject of moral compasses, why don't you ask Carrrrrrrlos's ghost where you left yours.
ANNA: You're really gonna go there? Kyle, I haven't properly grieved each and every ash of Duke's I scattered and I cannot be with another man until I do just that. In the meantime, you had an immunity deal contingent on you helping me return ELQ to its rightful owners.
SLOANE: You turn me in, I'll turn you in.
SONNY'S HOUSE
MAXIE: Stay put, ladies! I have to go find the groom so I can keep the bride as far away from him as humanly possible.
CARLY: This day is so perfect. Nothing can POSSIBLY go wrong.
MAXIE: Don't tempt fate.
WYNDEMERE
NIKOLAS: This is what I know, Hayden. You know who Jake is, but I don't.
HAYDEN: Yeah, because your grandmother, who I've never met, by the way, told me over a game of mah jong, or was it cribbage? So why was grandma trying to get me to keep secrets from you, Nikolas?
NIKOLAS: My grandmother isn't some kindly old lady who spends her days knitting sweaters and her nights in the bingo hall. She's the diabolical matriarch of my Greco-Russian royal family. She will use anyone she sees fit to serve her agenda.
HAYDEN: So why were we fighting about Jake before we got our lovin' on?
NIKOLAS: Because you were pretending to be married to him and I got jealous.
HAYDEN: PFFFFFT! Try again.
NIKOLAS: What else do you want me to tell you, Hayden? That the world is really flat?
SONNY'S HOUSE
SABRINA: Look what I brought for the cutest baby in Port Chuckles!
AVERY: GIMME! (chews on the headband Sabrina gives her) YAY!
MICHAEL: She likes it. Just not for its intended purpose.
LULU: Oh, my ever-lovin' UTERUS! Dante, we HAVE to have another baby. Find that embryo YESTERDAY!
DANTE: I'm on it.
VALERIE'S UNBORN BABY: Speaking of babies, I have a little surprise for you.
BOBBIE: Valerie, are you okay?
VALERIE: I think I'm gonna--
VALERIE'S UNBORN BABY: Here it comes!
BOBBIE: Maybe I should take you home.
WAREHOUSE
COP: What's going on here?
JAKE: A man's DYING, that's what's going on here.
SONNY: (with much effort) CRAP!... I'm... gonna... miss... my... wedding.
JAKE: Hang in there, Sonny. Try to bleed a little less. You're running out.
SONNY: Tell...Carly
EMT: We gotta get him stable before we take him to the hospital. He's DYING HERE!
TJ: This is ALL MY FAULT!
SONNY'S HOUSE
CARLY: Morgan, Sonny told me about this morning. How are you doing?
MORGAN: A little better, I guess. Dad was really amazing, like, a real father or something.
CARLY: He loves you, and so do I and we want you to see a shrink so you'll get well.
MORGAN: You know, I think I actually might do that. Dad said he'll go with me.
CARLY: My heart is filled with joy and pride! Today has been perfect. Nothing could possibly go wrong.
MAXIE: What do you MEAN the groom's not here yet? We can't have a wedding without the GROOM! And where's the friggin' CAKE? Didn't TJ say he would make it. Since when does TJ BAKE???
AVERY: YAY! YAY! YAY!
MAXIE: If only it were that simple...
CARLY: Maxie, you know you don't need to stress out about this wedding. EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE PERFECT.
MAXIE: About that, we have a slight problem. The groom is MIA.
CARLY: Say WHAAAAAAAAAT? Nah, just kidding, Maxie. I'm not worried about Sonny. He's just taking care of a last-minute surprise. Sonny loves to surprise me. I bet he's going to bring back a miniature wedding cake just for Avery!
MICHAEL: Does my baby sister get cuter every day or what?
AVERY: YAY!
SABRINA: She must know it's her daddy's wedding day because she's very excited.
AVERY: YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY!
CARLY: Is that my soon-to-be daughter? She's talking up a storm these days. Sometimes I think she really IS related to me.
JAKE: (comes in with Sonny's blood all over his shirt) Hate to crash a wedding, but...
SONNY'S HOUSE
MORGAN: Where the hell is Dad? What's taking him so long? Now that I'm not so hung over, I'm really, REALLY nervous.
DANTE: Something's not right here. I'm gonna call my cop friends down at the station.
MORGAN: You think Dad's been arrested or somethin'?
DANTE: I don't know what to think, man.
WAREHOUSE
JAKE: (shooting at Charlie and his goons) BANG! BANG BANG BANG! I think I got 'em all. Sam, untie TJ. I'm gonna try to save Sonny's life, even though he hates my guts. Sonny, stay alive, man!
TJ: He's still alive? That's good. I thought he was dead and those goons were going to kill me next. Thanks for the save, man.
JAKE: Crap. He's gonna bleed to death. Call 911, Sam. If only I had some MacGyver doctor skills. Carly's my BFF and I can't let her fiance die on their wedding day.
SAM: (on the phone with 911): Man with GSW and bleeding up an ocean in a warehouse on Pier 54. Hurry! It's his wedding day!
TJ: He was shot through the heart and I'm to blame. He came here to save MY ass.
JORDAN'S OFFICE
ANNA: So, Kyle, did you convince Nikolas to give ELQ back to Michael?
SLOANE: Nope. In a tug-of-war between a guy who's paying me to be on his side and a woman who doesn't want to be my main squeeze, you lost, Anna.
ANNA: So you flipped on me because I wouldn't go out with you? Some moral compass you have!
SLOANE: While we're on the subject of moral compasses, why don't you ask Carrrrrrrlos's ghost where you left yours.
ANNA: You're really gonna go there? Kyle, I haven't properly grieved each and every ash of Duke's I scattered and I cannot be with another man until I do just that. In the meantime, you had an immunity deal contingent on you helping me return ELQ to its rightful owners.
SLOANE: You turn me in, I'll turn you in.
SONNY'S HOUSE
MAXIE: Stay put, ladies! I have to go find the groom so I can keep the bride as far away from him as humanly possible.
CARLY: This day is so perfect. Nothing can POSSIBLY go wrong.
MAXIE: Don't tempt fate.
WYNDEMERE
NIKOLAS: This is what I know, Hayden. You know who Jake is, but I don't.
HAYDEN: Yeah, because your grandmother, who I've never met, by the way, told me over a game of mah jong, or was it cribbage? So why was grandma trying to get me to keep secrets from you, Nikolas?
NIKOLAS: My grandmother isn't some kindly old lady who spends her days knitting sweaters and her nights in the bingo hall. She's the diabolical matriarch of my Greco-Russian royal family. She will use anyone she sees fit to serve her agenda.
HAYDEN: So why were we fighting about Jake before we got our lovin' on?
NIKOLAS: Because you were pretending to be married to him and I got jealous.
HAYDEN: PFFFFFT! Try again.
NIKOLAS: What else do you want me to tell you, Hayden? That the world is really flat?
SONNY'S HOUSE
SABRINA: Look what I brought for the cutest baby in Port Chuckles!
AVERY: GIMME! (chews on the headband Sabrina gives her) YAY!
MICHAEL: She likes it. Just not for its intended purpose.
LULU: Oh, my ever-lovin' UTERUS! Dante, we HAVE to have another baby. Find that embryo YESTERDAY!
DANTE: I'm on it.
VALERIE'S UNBORN BABY: Speaking of babies, I have a little surprise for you.
BOBBIE: Valerie, are you okay?
VALERIE: I think I'm gonna--
VALERIE'S UNBORN BABY: Here it comes!
BOBBIE: Maybe I should take you home.
WAREHOUSE
COP: What's going on here?
JAKE: A man's DYING, that's what's going on here.
SONNY: (with much effort) CRAP!... I'm... gonna... miss... my... wedding.
JAKE: Hang in there, Sonny. Try to bleed a little less. You're running out.
SONNY: Tell...Carly
EMT: We gotta get him stable before we take him to the hospital. He's DYING HERE!
TJ: This is ALL MY FAULT!
SONNY'S HOUSE
CARLY: Morgan, Sonny told me about this morning. How are you doing?
MORGAN: A little better, I guess. Dad was really amazing, like, a real father or something.
CARLY: He loves you, and so do I and we want you to see a shrink so you'll get well.
MORGAN: You know, I think I actually might do that. Dad said he'll go with me.
CARLY: My heart is filled with joy and pride! Today has been perfect. Nothing could possibly go wrong.
MAXIE: What do you MEAN the groom's not here yet? We can't have a wedding without the GROOM! And where's the friggin' CAKE? Didn't TJ say he would make it. Since when does TJ BAKE???
AVERY: YAY! YAY! YAY!
MAXIE: If only it were that simple...
CARLY: Maxie, you know you don't need to stress out about this wedding. EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE PERFECT.
MAXIE: About that, we have a slight problem. The groom is MIA.
CARLY: Say WHAAAAAAAAAT? Nah, just kidding, Maxie. I'm not worried about Sonny. He's just taking care of a last-minute surprise. Sonny loves to surprise me. I bet he's going to bring back a miniature wedding cake just for Avery!
MICHAEL: Does my baby sister get cuter every day or what?
AVERY: YAY!
SABRINA: She must know it's her daddy's wedding day because she's very excited.
AVERY: YAY! YAY! YAY! YAY!
CARLY: Is that my soon-to-be daughter? She's talking up a storm these days. Sometimes I think she really IS related to me.
JAKE: (comes in with Sonny's blood all over his shirt) Hate to crash a wedding, but...
Friday, September 4, 2015
Carly & Sonny's Wedding #5: Groom Down!
If you're a soap opera character, the most dangerous day of your life might be your wedding day and Sonny Corinthos, mob kingpin, is the latest casualty of Groom Got Shot Syndrome. A hidden assailant shoots him as he orders Charlie at gunpoint to untie TJ. Back at Sonny's house, all decked out for the blessed event, Morgan worries about his dad and Michael tries to calm his concerns. Bobbie, Maxie, Valerie, and Lulu give Carly her something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue.
At Wyndemere, Sloane flips on Jake and Sam by having Nikolas's back. Jordan and Anna reunite in Jordan's office and the new commish encourages Anna to go for it with Sloane. Olivia runs into Julian on the pier.
WAREHOUSE
SONNY: Hey, No-Neck Charlie, let the kid go.
CHARLIE: Fat chance. Kid's got a big mouth on him.
SONNY: You know he's the Commish's son, don't you, Charlie? Screw Julian and untie TJ.
CHARLIE: Who said anything about Julian?
SONNY: He's your BOSS, genius. You're just waiting for him to show up, am I right?
CHARLIE: Wrong. I don't work for no Julian Jerome. I just said that to stay outta da slammer.
SONNY: Let TJ go. This is between you and me, No-Neck.
TJ: No, Mr. C! Don't let him shoot you! Carly will be pissed!
CHARLIE: Shut up, kid, or I'll plug you too!
PIER
JULIAN: Fancy meeting you here. Don't you know it's dangerous to hang out at these piers at night with all those scary mobsters lurking around?
OLIVIA: Where's your main squeeze? I thought you had Alexis surgically attached to your...never mind, there's a kid here.
JULIAN: Hey, Rocco! It's me, Julian, the non-mobster.
OLIVIA: Not buyin' it, Julian. I know you've been doin' some mobbing on the side.
JULIAN: What makes you think that?
OLIVIA: You had one of your goons hijack Sonny's shipment, remember? Isn't that why you got arrested?
JULIAN: Trust me, Olivia, when I tell you that I'm 100% goon-free.
CARLY'S HOUSE
MAXIE: Carly. Wedding dress. Now. CHOP-CHOP!
CARLY: Maxie. Chill pill. Now. The wedding is still a few hours away and Mom, Lulu, and Valerie aren't even here yet.
MAXIE: Nice flowers. Who are they from?
CARLY: Jake. He stopped by to wish me good luck.
MAXIE: Good luck explaining those to Sonny.
CARLY: What my hubby-to-be for the fifth time doesn't know won't hurt him. But hide them in the kitchen just the same.
JORDAN'S OFFICE
JORDAN: Anna and Kyle sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N---
ANNA: It's too soon, Jordan! Duke's ashes are still fresh.
JORDAN: But if you like him, you should totally go for it.
ANNA: You really think so?
JORDAN: If he makes you happy...
WYNDEMERE
SAM: Go ahead, Sloane. Give us all the deets about how you helped Nikolas rig the election in Lomax' favor.
SLOANE: Well, it all started with the missing ballot box...Who am I kidding? Nikolas had nothing to do with rigging the election. His hands are clean.
SAM: Liar, liar, pants on fire.
JAKE: Should have known we couldn't trust this guy.
NIKOLAS: See? My hands are clean, Sam. You have no leverage here to make me give up ELQ, so if you don't mind, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY CASTLE, YOU TRAITOROUS COUSIN. Maybe my grandmother was right about you all along.
HAYDEN: Well, that was great theatre. Do you have any more disgruntled relatives trying to throw you in jail if you don't hand over questionably acquired businesses?
SONNY'S HOUSE
MORGAN: Where's Dad, man? I'm really starting to get worried about him.
MICHAEL: Did he get chloroformed, blindfolded, or dragged away under duress?
MORGAN: No.
MICHAEL: Then he's fine.
MORGAN: He just took a phone call and then left.
MICHAEL: He'll be back before the wedding. Mom wouldn't let him miss that.
CARLY'S HOUSE
MAXIE: Here's something new. Girl, you really need to update your jewelry collection.
CARLY: It's beautiful! And I don't see any hideous, thinly-disguised spy cameras on it. After my last wedding, it doesn't hurt to check.
VALERIE: Here's something borrowed. That means I want it back. It belonged to my mom and my grandma. You know, the one who looked like you.
CARLY: OMG, I'm gonna cry! Thank you, newfound cuz!
BOBBIE: Here's something old. This was your baby bonnet that I kept because I couldn't keep you. I made it into a hanky because I knew this would make you cry.
CARLY: This is amazing, Mom! I never had any actual proof that I was once a baby.
LULU: And here's something blue for when you play that Beyonce song for all the single ladies.
CARLY: A blue garter. At least it will match my dress! White makes me think of my last wedding and you know how that went.
WAREHOUSE
SONNY: (pointing gun at Charlie) Who's giving orders now? ME, THAT'S WHO! Untie TJ, NOW!
HIDDEN ASSAILANT'S GUN: BANG!
TJ: Mr. C!
SONNY: DAMMIT! (falls to the ground)
OUTSIDE WAREHOUSE, ON PIER
JAKE: ANOTHER gunshot? This town, seriously! Sam, you and me could make a k--I mean a fortune--making Kevlar vests.
At Wyndemere, Sloane flips on Jake and Sam by having Nikolas's back. Jordan and Anna reunite in Jordan's office and the new commish encourages Anna to go for it with Sloane. Olivia runs into Julian on the pier.
WAREHOUSE
SONNY: Hey, No-Neck Charlie, let the kid go.
CHARLIE: Fat chance. Kid's got a big mouth on him.
SONNY: You know he's the Commish's son, don't you, Charlie? Screw Julian and untie TJ.
CHARLIE: Who said anything about Julian?
SONNY: He's your BOSS, genius. You're just waiting for him to show up, am I right?
CHARLIE: Wrong. I don't work for no Julian Jerome. I just said that to stay outta da slammer.
SONNY: Let TJ go. This is between you and me, No-Neck.
TJ: No, Mr. C! Don't let him shoot you! Carly will be pissed!
CHARLIE: Shut up, kid, or I'll plug you too!
PIER
JULIAN: Fancy meeting you here. Don't you know it's dangerous to hang out at these piers at night with all those scary mobsters lurking around?
OLIVIA: Where's your main squeeze? I thought you had Alexis surgically attached to your...never mind, there's a kid here.
JULIAN: Hey, Rocco! It's me, Julian, the non-mobster.
OLIVIA: Not buyin' it, Julian. I know you've been doin' some mobbing on the side.
JULIAN: What makes you think that?
OLIVIA: You had one of your goons hijack Sonny's shipment, remember? Isn't that why you got arrested?
JULIAN: Trust me, Olivia, when I tell you that I'm 100% goon-free.
CARLY'S HOUSE
MAXIE: Carly. Wedding dress. Now. CHOP-CHOP!
CARLY: Maxie. Chill pill. Now. The wedding is still a few hours away and Mom, Lulu, and Valerie aren't even here yet.
MAXIE: Nice flowers. Who are they from?
CARLY: Jake. He stopped by to wish me good luck.
MAXIE: Good luck explaining those to Sonny.
CARLY: What my hubby-to-be for the fifth time doesn't know won't hurt him. But hide them in the kitchen just the same.
JORDAN'S OFFICE
JORDAN: Anna and Kyle sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N---
ANNA: It's too soon, Jordan! Duke's ashes are still fresh.
JORDAN: But if you like him, you should totally go for it.
ANNA: You really think so?
JORDAN: If he makes you happy...
WYNDEMERE
SAM: Go ahead, Sloane. Give us all the deets about how you helped Nikolas rig the election in Lomax' favor.
SLOANE: Well, it all started with the missing ballot box...Who am I kidding? Nikolas had nothing to do with rigging the election. His hands are clean.
SAM: Liar, liar, pants on fire.
JAKE: Should have known we couldn't trust this guy.
NIKOLAS: See? My hands are clean, Sam. You have no leverage here to make me give up ELQ, so if you don't mind, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY CASTLE, YOU TRAITOROUS COUSIN. Maybe my grandmother was right about you all along.
HAYDEN: Well, that was great theatre. Do you have any more disgruntled relatives trying to throw you in jail if you don't hand over questionably acquired businesses?
SONNY'S HOUSE
MORGAN: Where's Dad, man? I'm really starting to get worried about him.
MICHAEL: Did he get chloroformed, blindfolded, or dragged away under duress?
MORGAN: No.
MICHAEL: Then he's fine.
MORGAN: He just took a phone call and then left.
MICHAEL: He'll be back before the wedding. Mom wouldn't let him miss that.
CARLY'S HOUSE
MAXIE: Here's something new. Girl, you really need to update your jewelry collection.
CARLY: It's beautiful! And I don't see any hideous, thinly-disguised spy cameras on it. After my last wedding, it doesn't hurt to check.
VALERIE: Here's something borrowed. That means I want it back. It belonged to my mom and my grandma. You know, the one who looked like you.
CARLY: OMG, I'm gonna cry! Thank you, newfound cuz!
BOBBIE: Here's something old. This was your baby bonnet that I kept because I couldn't keep you. I made it into a hanky because I knew this would make you cry.
CARLY: This is amazing, Mom! I never had any actual proof that I was once a baby.
LULU: And here's something blue for when you play that Beyonce song for all the single ladies.
CARLY: A blue garter. At least it will match my dress! White makes me think of my last wedding and you know how that went.
WAREHOUSE
SONNY: (pointing gun at Charlie) Who's giving orders now? ME, THAT'S WHO! Untie TJ, NOW!
HIDDEN ASSAILANT'S GUN: BANG!
TJ: Mr. C!
SONNY: DAMMIT! (falls to the ground)
OUTSIDE WAREHOUSE, ON PIER
JAKE: ANOTHER gunshot? This town, seriously! Sam, you and me could make a k--I mean a fortune--making Kevlar vests.
Thursday, September 3, 2015
Carly & Sonny Wedding #5: The Morning Of, Part II
TJ gets dragged by some henchman named Charlie to a warehouse where he is tied to a chair and ordered to call Sonny. Anna reconnects with Sloane. Sam and Jake visit Wyndemere to antagonize Nikolas and Hayden Michael agrees to go to the wedding for Morgan and for his mother. Dante and Jordan lament that Lomax and Ric let Charlie free in exchange for Julian Jerome's head on a platter.
WAREHOUSE
TJ: What the hell am I doing here? My mob boss friend is getting married today and I'm in charge of the cake.
CHARLIE: Too bad. So sad. Quit asking questions, kid, or I'll be forced to use this here contraption (points gun at TJ)
TJ: You know you're gonna get into a lot of trouble with Sonny for this.
CHARLIE: Are you calling my bluff, kid?
TJ: That wasn't a question.
CHARLIE: Alright, smart ass, here's a phone. Call your mob boss friend and arrange a rendezvous.
SONNY'S HOUSE
SONNY: Nice specs, Ric. Did you pick them up on the way home from lockup?
RIC: Ha ha! I wasn't in lockup, remember? I was getting my mother-in-law to 'fess up to offing Silas.
SONNY: Done in by the ex-mother-in-law. At least you're off the hook.
RIC: Hey, good luck on your wedding, even though your bride hates my guts.
WYNDEMERE
HAYDEN: So here's what I remember. Before we made out, we were talking about Jake.
NIKOLAS: What a way to get into the mood.
HAYDEN: What were we saying about him? All I remember is faking being married to him.
NIKOLAS: Don't be pressuring yourself to remember everything, Hayden. It's way too stressful for someone who just came out of a coma. Let's hit the pool. (doorbell rings) I'll get it.
HAYDEN: What about Albert?
NIKOLAS: That's Alfred and he's busy. I'll be right back.
SAM: Hi, cuz! How's Hayden. We were so concerned.
JAKE: We just want to check and make sure she didn't fall back into her coma.
NIKOLAS: Oh really?
SAM: Hi Hayden!
JAKE: Good to see you upright.
SAM: Any old memories coming back?
HAYDEN: Only about making out with Nikolas.
SAM: So you still don't remember who Jake is? How about you, Nikolas? Do you know?
NIKOLAS: Yeah, right! Helena is the one who told Hayden.
HAYDEN: Who is Helena?
NIKOLAS: My diabolical grandmother.
HAYDEN: Not ringing a bell.
OUTSIDE KELLY'S
SLOANE: Anna, welcome back! So, are we going to pair up or what?
ANNA: Too soon, Kyle, too soon.
SLOANE: Bummer. You must have had some reason to call me.
ANNA: I need you to rat out Nikolas for fixing the mayoral election.
SLOANE: No can do. I'd be throwing myself under the bus in the process.
ANNA: Not if my BFF Jordan gives you immunity.
SLOANE: If I do it, would you go out with me?
ANNA: Really, Kyle? How about doing it because it's the right thing.
SLOANE: Fine. Let's just get it the hell over with.
CARLY'S HOUSE
CARLY: So have you changed your mind about going to the wedding.
MICHAEL: I'm still beyond pissed at Sonny for murdering my dad, but I'll do it for Morgan because he's about to lose it.
CARLY: You're the bestest brother EVER!
MICHAEL: I'm doing it for you too because I've totally forgiven you and you're back to being the best mom ever.
CARLY: You MADE MY DAY!
JORDAN'S OFFICE
JORDAN: Damn that Lomax for letting Charlie Highneck go free. I bet he's got TJ tied to some chair in a warehouse as we speak.
DANTE: You mean Charlie No-Neck? What's the deal with him?
JORDAN: Lomax and Ric cut him a deal so he would flip on his boss, Julian Jerome.
DANTE: Ric's just scoring points with Sonny. Speaking of Sonny, I've got a wedding to go to.
SONNY'S HOUSE
SONNY: (Over phone) Hey, TJ, how's the cake?
TJ: Destroyed, but only because I got jumped outside Kellys and I'm at this warehouse. This dude named Charlie wants you to show up, but don't bring any of your guys or I get plugged.
SONNY: I'm coming, kid. (to Morgan) I've gotta go do something. You gonna be okay here? Need more coffee?
MORGAN: Yeah, I'll live. Thanks for being all fatherly to me, Dad. I was a real jackass and you had my back.
SONNY: I'll always have my son's back.
WYNDEMERE
SAM: By the way, Nikolas, I know you rigged the mayoral election.
NIKOLAS: By doing what? Making the ballots disappear by some kind of Cassadine black magic?
SAM: Remember Kyle Sloane?
WAREHOUSE
TJ: What the hell am I doing here? My mob boss friend is getting married today and I'm in charge of the cake.
CHARLIE: Too bad. So sad. Quit asking questions, kid, or I'll be forced to use this here contraption (points gun at TJ)
TJ: You know you're gonna get into a lot of trouble with Sonny for this.
CHARLIE: Are you calling my bluff, kid?
TJ: That wasn't a question.
CHARLIE: Alright, smart ass, here's a phone. Call your mob boss friend and arrange a rendezvous.
SONNY'S HOUSE
SONNY: Nice specs, Ric. Did you pick them up on the way home from lockup?
RIC: Ha ha! I wasn't in lockup, remember? I was getting my mother-in-law to 'fess up to offing Silas.
SONNY: Done in by the ex-mother-in-law. At least you're off the hook.
RIC: Hey, good luck on your wedding, even though your bride hates my guts.
WYNDEMERE
HAYDEN: So here's what I remember. Before we made out, we were talking about Jake.
NIKOLAS: What a way to get into the mood.
HAYDEN: What were we saying about him? All I remember is faking being married to him.
NIKOLAS: Don't be pressuring yourself to remember everything, Hayden. It's way too stressful for someone who just came out of a coma. Let's hit the pool. (doorbell rings) I'll get it.
HAYDEN: What about Albert?
NIKOLAS: That's Alfred and he's busy. I'll be right back.
SAM: Hi, cuz! How's Hayden. We were so concerned.
JAKE: We just want to check and make sure she didn't fall back into her coma.
NIKOLAS: Oh really?
SAM: Hi Hayden!
JAKE: Good to see you upright.
SAM: Any old memories coming back?
HAYDEN: Only about making out with Nikolas.
SAM: So you still don't remember who Jake is? How about you, Nikolas? Do you know?
NIKOLAS: Yeah, right! Helena is the one who told Hayden.
HAYDEN: Who is Helena?
NIKOLAS: My diabolical grandmother.
HAYDEN: Not ringing a bell.
OUTSIDE KELLY'S
SLOANE: Anna, welcome back! So, are we going to pair up or what?
ANNA: Too soon, Kyle, too soon.
SLOANE: Bummer. You must have had some reason to call me.
ANNA: I need you to rat out Nikolas for fixing the mayoral election.
SLOANE: No can do. I'd be throwing myself under the bus in the process.
ANNA: Not if my BFF Jordan gives you immunity.
SLOANE: If I do it, would you go out with me?
ANNA: Really, Kyle? How about doing it because it's the right thing.
SLOANE: Fine. Let's just get it the hell over with.
CARLY'S HOUSE
CARLY: So have you changed your mind about going to the wedding.
MICHAEL: I'm still beyond pissed at Sonny for murdering my dad, but I'll do it for Morgan because he's about to lose it.
CARLY: You're the bestest brother EVER!
MICHAEL: I'm doing it for you too because I've totally forgiven you and you're back to being the best mom ever.
CARLY: You MADE MY DAY!
JORDAN'S OFFICE
JORDAN: Damn that Lomax for letting Charlie Highneck go free. I bet he's got TJ tied to some chair in a warehouse as we speak.
DANTE: You mean Charlie No-Neck? What's the deal with him?
JORDAN: Lomax and Ric cut him a deal so he would flip on his boss, Julian Jerome.
DANTE: Ric's just scoring points with Sonny. Speaking of Sonny, I've got a wedding to go to.
SONNY'S HOUSE
SONNY: (Over phone) Hey, TJ, how's the cake?
TJ: Destroyed, but only because I got jumped outside Kellys and I'm at this warehouse. This dude named Charlie wants you to show up, but don't bring any of your guys or I get plugged.
SONNY: I'm coming, kid. (to Morgan) I've gotta go do something. You gonna be okay here? Need more coffee?
MORGAN: Yeah, I'll live. Thanks for being all fatherly to me, Dad. I was a real jackass and you had my back.
SONNY: I'll always have my son's back.
WYNDEMERE
SAM: By the way, Nikolas, I know you rigged the mayoral election.
NIKOLAS: By doing what? Making the ballots disappear by some kind of Cassadine black magic?
SAM: Remember Kyle Sloane?
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
Carly & Sonny Wedding #5: The Morning Of
Silas's murder has been solved and the focus shifts to some Port Chuckleheads we haven't seen in a while. Case in point: Nikolas and Hayden who are breakfasting in Wyndemere as Spencer gets ready for the first day of school (and before Labor Day. Egads!) A boat ride away in Port Chuckles proper, Emma is so bummed about the end of summer vaykay that she tries every trick in the book to delay the first day back in the classroom. A drunk Morgan blames Sonny for his life imploding. Jake visits Carly before the wedding. Molly helps TJ prepare Sonny & Carly's wedding cake. Anna returns and teams up with Sam to help Michael regain control of ELQ.
WYNDEMERE
SPENCER: Bonjour, Father, Mademoiselle Barnes!
NIKOLAS: Overdressed much for 5th grade?
SPENCER: Father, I am a Cassadine. There is no such thing as overdressed. Besides, this is the year I shall win the love of my life back. How about you, Father? Will you be engaging in passionate affairs with Mademoiselle Barnes?
NIKOLAS: If we did, it would be none of your business, but no, Hayden and I are just good friends. Right, Hayden?
HAYDEN: I guess.
SPENCER: Come on, Father. I wasn't born yesterday. I saw the two of you engaged in passionate kissing when Hayden lived here before. Then there was yelling, but not the angry kind.
NIKOLAS: Look at the time. You're gonna be late for school.
PATRICK AND SAM'S HOUSE
EMMA: It's not fair that school starts before Labor Day this year! I'm staying home in protest. PATRICK: Nice try, Emma, but you're going to school today.
ANNA: Guess who's home!
EMMA: Grandma! Dad, can I stay home and catch up with Grandma? She's been gone so long I thought she'd NEVER come back.
PATRICK: I guess I should be glad you didn't try to fake sick. No, you're going to school.
EMMA: But I have NOTHING to wear.
SAM: This is where I come in. Hey Emma, want me to teach you how to dress like a true badass?
CARLY'S HOUSE
CARLY: Jake, I'm worried that Morgan is bipolar.
JAKE: That's what I love about you, Carly. You get right to the point. What makes you think Morgan's mentally ill?
CARLY: His dad is. The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.
JAKE: Sonny's bipolar? That answers a lot of questions.
CARLY: Jason and I had to force him to take his meds right after he was diagnosed. We would have had an easier time giving a cat a pill.
JAKE: Did Jason ever walk on water? Or, for that matter, turn water into wine?
Q MANSION
MICHAEL: Sabrina, should I go to Mom & Sonny's wedding? I'm still pissed at Sonny for killing my dad, but Morgan needs me because I think he's going off the deep end.
SABRINA: What's going on with Morgan?
MICHAEL: He broke up with Kiki because she found out he was sleeping with Ava behind her back. Only he didn't know it was Ava. He thought he was doing it with Kiki's aunt Denise. Which makes it all the more disturbing, but the point is, Morgan's in a world of hurt.
SABRINA: You're such a good brother, Michael.
MICHAEL: Will you go to the wedding with me? I know it's totally last minute, but I need to make sure my brother doesn't self-destruct as my mom and Sonny are saying their vows at the altar.
KELLY'S
MOLLY: I've got an hour before orientation starts. What's the emergency?
TJ: I suck at making wedding cakes. Check out this disaster in the making.
MOLLY: Who put you in charge of the cake?
TJ: I did. I wanted to repay Sonny & Carly for letting me live with them and stuff.
MOLLY: This is totally fixable. I saw an episode of Cake Boss about this very situation. All we need is a little more frosting and a skilled cake surgeon.
TJ: If you say so.
SONNY'S HOUSE
MORGAN: Hidey Ho, Pops! It's your wedding day. (staggers around)
SONNY: What's up, son? You drunk?
MORGAN: Hammered. Let's have a PAR-TAY! YOU GETTIN' MARRIED!
SONNY: What happened? Didn't you hang out with your brother last night?
MORGAN: Yeah, we hung out. Then I got drunk some more. Aren't you proud of me, Dad? Your drunken, loser son who cheats on his girlfriend WITH HER MOTHER! And it's all YOUR FAULT!
SONNY: MY fault?
MORGAN: Because you gave me the crazy gene that makes me an unemployed LOSER!
SONNY: Look, son. I've been there, felt like that. But you're still my son and your mom and I are going to help you get better, if you want to. We can take you to the shrink tomorrow.
MORGAN: I don't know, Dad. What if I'm not bipolar and I'm just a screw-up?
SONNY: Whatever it is, you're my son and we'll get through it. Now go take a shower and get ready for the wedding.
PATRICK & SAM'S HOUSE
SAM: Is it awkward that I'm here?
ANNA: No, not at all. Robin's off saving lives in China, I believe. She hasn't called Port Chuckles home in over a year. As long as Patrick and Emma are happy having you around, so am I. It's going to be strange not having an office to go to, though.
SAM: If you're looking for something to occupy your time, I could use some help wresting ELQ from my cousin Nikolas. He's been extra Cassadiney lately. I need something to hold over his head so he'll be forced to surrender ELQ.
ANNA: How does rigging a mayoral election sound?
SAM: Now that's something to go on. Do you have proof?
ANNA: Two words: Kyle Sloane.
SAM: You're hired!
WYNDEMERE
HAYDEN: OMG, Nikolas, your kid is hilarious! I feel like a dip in the pool. How about you? Can you tear yourself away from business long enough to get some R&R?
NIKOLAS: Sure, why not?
HAYDEN: I just remembered something! I just remembered jumping your bones.
CARLY'S HOUSE
CARLY: Michael! OMG, does this mean you're coming to the wedding?
MICHAEL: Only to keep a lid on Morgan. Not for Sonny.
OUTSIDE KELLY'S
TJ: Cake fixed. Whew! Thanks, Molly. What the-- (TJ is jumped from behind. Cake falls and TJ is dragged away)
WYNDEMERE
SPENCER: Bonjour, Father, Mademoiselle Barnes!
NIKOLAS: Overdressed much for 5th grade?
SPENCER: Father, I am a Cassadine. There is no such thing as overdressed. Besides, this is the year I shall win the love of my life back. How about you, Father? Will you be engaging in passionate affairs with Mademoiselle Barnes?
NIKOLAS: If we did, it would be none of your business, but no, Hayden and I are just good friends. Right, Hayden?
HAYDEN: I guess.
SPENCER: Come on, Father. I wasn't born yesterday. I saw the two of you engaged in passionate kissing when Hayden lived here before. Then there was yelling, but not the angry kind.
NIKOLAS: Look at the time. You're gonna be late for school.
PATRICK AND SAM'S HOUSE
EMMA: It's not fair that school starts before Labor Day this year! I'm staying home in protest. PATRICK: Nice try, Emma, but you're going to school today.
ANNA: Guess who's home!
EMMA: Grandma! Dad, can I stay home and catch up with Grandma? She's been gone so long I thought she'd NEVER come back.
PATRICK: I guess I should be glad you didn't try to fake sick. No, you're going to school.
EMMA: But I have NOTHING to wear.
SAM: This is where I come in. Hey Emma, want me to teach you how to dress like a true badass?
CARLY'S HOUSE
CARLY: Jake, I'm worried that Morgan is bipolar.
JAKE: That's what I love about you, Carly. You get right to the point. What makes you think Morgan's mentally ill?
CARLY: His dad is. The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.
JAKE: Sonny's bipolar? That answers a lot of questions.
CARLY: Jason and I had to force him to take his meds right after he was diagnosed. We would have had an easier time giving a cat a pill.
JAKE: Did Jason ever walk on water? Or, for that matter, turn water into wine?
Q MANSION
MICHAEL: Sabrina, should I go to Mom & Sonny's wedding? I'm still pissed at Sonny for killing my dad, but Morgan needs me because I think he's going off the deep end.
SABRINA: What's going on with Morgan?
MICHAEL: He broke up with Kiki because she found out he was sleeping with Ava behind her back. Only he didn't know it was Ava. He thought he was doing it with Kiki's aunt Denise. Which makes it all the more disturbing, but the point is, Morgan's in a world of hurt.
SABRINA: You're such a good brother, Michael.
MICHAEL: Will you go to the wedding with me? I know it's totally last minute, but I need to make sure my brother doesn't self-destruct as my mom and Sonny are saying their vows at the altar.
KELLY'S
MOLLY: I've got an hour before orientation starts. What's the emergency?
TJ: I suck at making wedding cakes. Check out this disaster in the making.
MOLLY: Who put you in charge of the cake?
TJ: I did. I wanted to repay Sonny & Carly for letting me live with them and stuff.
MOLLY: This is totally fixable. I saw an episode of Cake Boss about this very situation. All we need is a little more frosting and a skilled cake surgeon.
TJ: If you say so.
SONNY'S HOUSE
MORGAN: Hidey Ho, Pops! It's your wedding day. (staggers around)
SONNY: What's up, son? You drunk?
MORGAN: Hammered. Let's have a PAR-TAY! YOU GETTIN' MARRIED!
SONNY: What happened? Didn't you hang out with your brother last night?
MORGAN: Yeah, we hung out. Then I got drunk some more. Aren't you proud of me, Dad? Your drunken, loser son who cheats on his girlfriend WITH HER MOTHER! And it's all YOUR FAULT!
SONNY: MY fault?
MORGAN: Because you gave me the crazy gene that makes me an unemployed LOSER!
SONNY: Look, son. I've been there, felt like that. But you're still my son and your mom and I are going to help you get better, if you want to. We can take you to the shrink tomorrow.
MORGAN: I don't know, Dad. What if I'm not bipolar and I'm just a screw-up?
SONNY: Whatever it is, you're my son and we'll get through it. Now go take a shower and get ready for the wedding.
PATRICK & SAM'S HOUSE
SAM: Is it awkward that I'm here?
ANNA: No, not at all. Robin's off saving lives in China, I believe. She hasn't called Port Chuckles home in over a year. As long as Patrick and Emma are happy having you around, so am I. It's going to be strange not having an office to go to, though.
SAM: If you're looking for something to occupy your time, I could use some help wresting ELQ from my cousin Nikolas. He's been extra Cassadiney lately. I need something to hold over his head so he'll be forced to surrender ELQ.
ANNA: How does rigging a mayoral election sound?
SAM: Now that's something to go on. Do you have proof?
ANNA: Two words: Kyle Sloane.
SAM: You're hired!
WYNDEMERE
HAYDEN: OMG, Nikolas, your kid is hilarious! I feel like a dip in the pool. How about you? Can you tear yourself away from business long enough to get some R&R?
NIKOLAS: Sure, why not?
HAYDEN: I just remembered something! I just remembered jumping your bones.
CARLY'S HOUSE
CARLY: Michael! OMG, does this mean you're coming to the wedding?
MICHAEL: Only to keep a lid on Morgan. Not for Sonny.
OUTSIDE KELLY'S
TJ: Cake fixed. Whew! Thanks, Molly. What the-- (TJ is jumped from behind. Cake falls and TJ is dragged away)
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
Offspring: 3; Madeline & Ava: 0
It was not a good day to be a mother in The Chuckles. While Nathan and Nina washed their hands of Murderous Maddie, Kiki wrote off her boyfriend-boinkin' mama Ava. Michael gives brotherly advice to a reeling Morgan. Julian and Alexis have sexy time before she leaves to visit Kristina. Sonny and Carly get some pre-wedding cuddling in with adorable Avery in tow. Maxie's good news is overshadowed by Nathan's arrest of Madeline.
PCPD
MAXIE: OMG, I have the most amazing news! I'm going to be a---
NATHAN: I just had to arrest my mother-aunt for murder. AGAIN.
MAXIE: OMG, Nathan! I'm so sorry. I bet it sucks to have to keep arresting your family members.
MADELINE: I'VE BEEN FRAMED!
NATHAN: Save it, Mother-Aunt. We have your confession in a tidy mp3 file. It hits iTunes this week.
MAXIE: Arrested for murder AGAIN, Madeline? And you thought I was unsuitable? By the way, orange is SO not your color.
MADELINE: It was all a big misunderstanding, James. I'm not a murderer.
NATHAN: James Shmames! My name is Nathan. And you are a MURDERESS! Liesl Obrecht is my mother and you're my crazy aunt Madeline who will wither away in Pentonville for the rest of her days.
MADELINE: You are my SON because I SAID YOU'RE MY SON!
HAUNTED STAR
MORGAN: Me. Booze. NOW!
BARTENDER: You've had enough, dude.
MICHAEL: Just give us a bottle of Perrier. I'll try to convince my kid brother that it's gin and tonic.
MORGAN: My life is OVER, man. Kiki dumped me and Mom and Dad think I'm nuts.
MICHAEL: Wait a minute, Kiki dumped you?
MORGAN: Well, I kinda slept with her mother when I thought I was sleeping with her aunt.
MICHAEL: Yeah, girlfriends tend to frown on that.
MORGAN: I tried to resist Den--Ava, but my little brain on the other end wasn't up to the job, man. Do you think I'm bipolar too?
MICHAEL: It's worth getting checked out. Mom's really worried.
MORGAN: Mom told YOU? Are you sure it's not a case of Early 20s Male Syndrome?
MICHAEL: Only one way to find out. See a shrink, man!
MORGAN: Maybe you should see one too. It might help you forgive Dad.
PCPD JAIL
KIKI: Hi MOM! I know what you did. I know you were sexing up my boyfriend behind my back.
AVA: It wasn't like that, Kiki. Morgan just appeared and estrogen flooded my brain.
KIKI: And I'm the Queen of France.
AVA: Morgan is IRRESISTIBLE. You know that as well as I do. IRRESISTIBLE.
KIKI: Morgan is DEAD TO ME and so are you!
AVA: No, Kiki! NOOOOOOOOO!
JULIAN'S APARTMENT
ALEXIS: I'm leaving town. Kristina broke up with another boyfriend and she needs me.
JULIAN: Bummer. I'm gonna miss the sex. But I totally get that she's your daughter, so go do your motherly duty. But first, we've gotta go a few rounds of horizontal tango.
ALEXIS: Can't turn that down. By the way, if you need another lawyer while I'm gone, I can call Diane for you. She's really good at getting mobsters--and ex-mobsters--off the hook.
JULIAN: You're the best lover/lawyer I've ever had. Let's get NEKKID!
PCPD JAIL
FRANCO: Good news, Nina. They found Silas's real killer and we're busting this joint TOMORROW!
NINA: So they're finally putting Ava away?
FRANCO: It wasn't Ava. It was your murderous MOTHER.
NINA: Why does that not shock me? Oh, I know. Because she put me in a 20 YEAR COMA!
FRANCO: People think WE'RE crazy, they should see our MOTHERS.
MADELINE: Nina! NINA! YOUR HORRIBLE HUBBY FRAMED ME!
NINA: Come off it, MOTHER! You killed Silas. YOU killed SILAS! He was an innocent man, mother. You killed him like you TRIED TO KILL ME! YOU ARE NO MOTHER TO ME. YOU MUST REPENT REPENT REPENT! No, you are BEYOND repenting. You're DEAD TO ME! DEAD, MOTHER! JUST LIKE SILAS! DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD!
MADELINE: For crying out loud, Nina, stop being so HISTRIONIC! I will always be your mother.
NINA: Take her away, guard! GO TO HELL, NON-MOTHER!
FRANCO: Hey, Nina, forget about Madeline. We're gonna be FREE AS BIRDS tomorrow! You can kick sick Ric to the curb and kiss catatonic Heidi goodbye. Tomorrow, we become Franco and Nina 2.0. Now who can we blackmail for a 5-star hotel suite...
SONNY'S HOUSE
SONNY: Ric's off the hook. Nina's nutty mother Madeline did Silas Clay in.
CARLY: Madeline? No way! She and I were just comparing notes on our unstable kids.
SONNY: Turns out she's just as wacked out as her daughter.
CARLY: Guess so. But I'm still worried about Morgan. He's on the super high-speed train to Bipolar Town and he needs help ASAP!
SONNY: At least he's got Ava out of his life. She's going DOWN for what she did to Connie.
CARLY: And I'm so happy to be this adorable little girl's mother. Cutest 10-month-old EVER!
PCPD
NATHAN: Sorry I interrupted your good news earlier, Maxie.
MAXIE: Oh, it's nothing. I'm just going to be a movie star. That's all.
NATHAN: Say WHAAAAAAAAT?
MAXIE: I'll tell you all about it over some fancy French wine that only you can pronounce.
PCPD
MAXIE: OMG, I have the most amazing news! I'm going to be a---
NATHAN: I just had to arrest my mother-aunt for murder. AGAIN.
MAXIE: OMG, Nathan! I'm so sorry. I bet it sucks to have to keep arresting your family members.
MADELINE: I'VE BEEN FRAMED!
NATHAN: Save it, Mother-Aunt. We have your confession in a tidy mp3 file. It hits iTunes this week.
MAXIE: Arrested for murder AGAIN, Madeline? And you thought I was unsuitable? By the way, orange is SO not your color.
MADELINE: It was all a big misunderstanding, James. I'm not a murderer.
NATHAN: James Shmames! My name is Nathan. And you are a MURDERESS! Liesl Obrecht is my mother and you're my crazy aunt Madeline who will wither away in Pentonville for the rest of her days.
MADELINE: You are my SON because I SAID YOU'RE MY SON!
HAUNTED STAR
MORGAN: Me. Booze. NOW!
BARTENDER: You've had enough, dude.
MICHAEL: Just give us a bottle of Perrier. I'll try to convince my kid brother that it's gin and tonic.
MORGAN: My life is OVER, man. Kiki dumped me and Mom and Dad think I'm nuts.
MICHAEL: Wait a minute, Kiki dumped you?
MORGAN: Well, I kinda slept with her mother when I thought I was sleeping with her aunt.
MICHAEL: Yeah, girlfriends tend to frown on that.
MORGAN: I tried to resist Den--Ava, but my little brain on the other end wasn't up to the job, man. Do you think I'm bipolar too?
MICHAEL: It's worth getting checked out. Mom's really worried.
MORGAN: Mom told YOU? Are you sure it's not a case of Early 20s Male Syndrome?
MICHAEL: Only one way to find out. See a shrink, man!
MORGAN: Maybe you should see one too. It might help you forgive Dad.
PCPD JAIL
KIKI: Hi MOM! I know what you did. I know you were sexing up my boyfriend behind my back.
AVA: It wasn't like that, Kiki. Morgan just appeared and estrogen flooded my brain.
KIKI: And I'm the Queen of France.
AVA: Morgan is IRRESISTIBLE. You know that as well as I do. IRRESISTIBLE.
KIKI: Morgan is DEAD TO ME and so are you!
AVA: No, Kiki! NOOOOOOOOO!
JULIAN'S APARTMENT
ALEXIS: I'm leaving town. Kristina broke up with another boyfriend and she needs me.
JULIAN: Bummer. I'm gonna miss the sex. But I totally get that she's your daughter, so go do your motherly duty. But first, we've gotta go a few rounds of horizontal tango.
ALEXIS: Can't turn that down. By the way, if you need another lawyer while I'm gone, I can call Diane for you. She's really good at getting mobsters--and ex-mobsters--off the hook.
JULIAN: You're the best lover/lawyer I've ever had. Let's get NEKKID!
PCPD JAIL
FRANCO: Good news, Nina. They found Silas's real killer and we're busting this joint TOMORROW!
NINA: So they're finally putting Ava away?
FRANCO: It wasn't Ava. It was your murderous MOTHER.
NINA: Why does that not shock me? Oh, I know. Because she put me in a 20 YEAR COMA!
FRANCO: People think WE'RE crazy, they should see our MOTHERS.
MADELINE: Nina! NINA! YOUR HORRIBLE HUBBY FRAMED ME!
NINA: Come off it, MOTHER! You killed Silas. YOU killed SILAS! He was an innocent man, mother. You killed him like you TRIED TO KILL ME! YOU ARE NO MOTHER TO ME. YOU MUST REPENT REPENT REPENT! No, you are BEYOND repenting. You're DEAD TO ME! DEAD, MOTHER! JUST LIKE SILAS! DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD!
MADELINE: For crying out loud, Nina, stop being so HISTRIONIC! I will always be your mother.
NINA: Take her away, guard! GO TO HELL, NON-MOTHER!
FRANCO: Hey, Nina, forget about Madeline. We're gonna be FREE AS BIRDS tomorrow! You can kick sick Ric to the curb and kiss catatonic Heidi goodbye. Tomorrow, we become Franco and Nina 2.0. Now who can we blackmail for a 5-star hotel suite...
SONNY'S HOUSE
SONNY: Ric's off the hook. Nina's nutty mother Madeline did Silas Clay in.
CARLY: Madeline? No way! She and I were just comparing notes on our unstable kids.
SONNY: Turns out she's just as wacked out as her daughter.
CARLY: Guess so. But I'm still worried about Morgan. He's on the super high-speed train to Bipolar Town and he needs help ASAP!
SONNY: At least he's got Ava out of his life. She's going DOWN for what she did to Connie.
CARLY: And I'm so happy to be this adorable little girl's mother. Cutest 10-month-old EVER!
PCPD
NATHAN: Sorry I interrupted your good news earlier, Maxie.
MAXIE: Oh, it's nothing. I'm just going to be a movie star. That's all.
NATHAN: Say WHAAAAAAAAT?
MAXIE: I'll tell you all about it over some fancy French wine that only you can pronounce.
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