TRACY: I sure hope I'm not about to move in here, as much as I miss mother and Daddy.
GRIFFIN: DAMMIT, I want to see that MRI because I think Dr. Mays is barking up the wrong tree.
DOC MARTIN HOUSE: HANDS OFF MY PATIENTS, Doogie Howser!
. JASON: Whoa, TOTALLY creepy to see your own name in a friggin' CRYPT! Gimme a screwdriver, Carly, and I'm not talking vodka and orange juice.
CARLY: Ah the home of dead Quartermaines! Oops! Did I just spit on AJ's plaque?
DILLON: I'm confused: Does Mom have cancer, Prozac withdrawal, or Mad Cow Disease? Young doc, can you help me. The old guy's a jerk!
MICHAEL: I suddenly remember I miss Sabrina.
FELIX: Here's a picture of Sabrina's kid. Can you believe I forgot to ask whether it was a boy or girl?
ANNA: I can't believe I'm about to ask this, but Sonny, can you help me bring Carrrrrrrrrrrlos and Julian to justice?
SONNY: Carrrrrrrrrrrlos is ALIVE??? Say WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?????
PAUL: Get your ass back to The Chuckles, Carrrrrrrrrrrrrrrlos! I need you to let me and my crush, Anna, off the hook in exchange for Julian's head on a platter so I can win the heart of said crush.
CARRRRRRRLOS: Come back to Port Chuckles? Zabrrrrrrrrrrrrina and me and our baby are havin' way too much fun time traveling. Or hanging out in Switzerland. I have my own damn CHALET here, man!
MONICA: Drilling a hole in your brain? Pfffffft! Minor procedure!
Wednesday, March 9, 2016
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
Short and To The Point
I'm out of town on vacation so the blogs are going to be short the rest of the week and on Monday. Better short than none at all, right?
PAUL: Any news on Carrrrrrrrrrrrrlos, Anna? Remember, I'm one of the good guys now. Busting up gun shipments, working for the right side of the law...why can't we be friends with benefits?
ANNA: Because every time I look at you I want to slap you in the face.
DANTE: Let's get a new house, Lulu.
LULU: Let's get marriage counseling and burn the Bed of Infidelity first.
NIKOLAS: You know how I wanted you to investigate Hayden/Rachel/whoever the hell my wife is? I changed my mind because she got me an old book and wrote a sweet note in it.
SAM: So you're firing your own cousin because your wife bought you an old-school book with actual pages in it? Weirdest. Firing. Ever!
LIZ: Keep digging, Sam. Where there's smoke, there's a liar. Just ask me. I'm an expert on that subject.
HAYDEN: Some guy from my past randomly shows up in Port Chuckles. The guy I hired to see if my hubby had me shot in the head is getting a little clingy and said hubby started, then stopped searching my closet for skeletons. Is it a wonder I feel so paranoid?
CURTIS: Dayum, do the women in this town hate me that much? Hayden wants me to get lost, Jordan's telling my dates that I used to do drugs and whatever happened to that chick Valerie?
JORDAN: I think I might want to date you, Andre, but I'm afraid you'll go all shrink on me again. Aw, but when you wear that hat and feed me lunch, maybe having a boyfriend who's a shrink isn't so bad.
ANDRE: On the one hand, I have Anna, who was my patient, but I'm having some kind of feels for. On the other hand, I have Jordan, who's not sure what kind of feels she has for me. Is there another woman behind Door #3?
PAUL: Any news on Carrrrrrrrrrrrrlos, Anna? Remember, I'm one of the good guys now. Busting up gun shipments, working for the right side of the law...why can't we be friends with benefits?
ANNA: Because every time I look at you I want to slap you in the face.
DANTE: Let's get a new house, Lulu.
LULU: Let's get marriage counseling and burn the Bed of Infidelity first.
NIKOLAS: You know how I wanted you to investigate Hayden/Rachel/whoever the hell my wife is? I changed my mind because she got me an old book and wrote a sweet note in it.
SAM: So you're firing your own cousin because your wife bought you an old-school book with actual pages in it? Weirdest. Firing. Ever!
LIZ: Keep digging, Sam. Where there's smoke, there's a liar. Just ask me. I'm an expert on that subject.
HAYDEN: Some guy from my past randomly shows up in Port Chuckles. The guy I hired to see if my hubby had me shot in the head is getting a little clingy and said hubby started, then stopped searching my closet for skeletons. Is it a wonder I feel so paranoid?
CURTIS: Dayum, do the women in this town hate me that much? Hayden wants me to get lost, Jordan's telling my dates that I used to do drugs and whatever happened to that chick Valerie?
JORDAN: I think I might want to date you, Andre, but I'm afraid you'll go all shrink on me again. Aw, but when you wear that hat and feed me lunch, maybe having a boyfriend who's a shrink isn't so bad.
ANDRE: On the one hand, I have Anna, who was my patient, but I'm having some kind of feels for. On the other hand, I have Jordan, who's not sure what kind of feels she has for me. Is there another woman behind Door #3?
Monday, March 7, 2016
Say What You Need To Say
A whole lot of talking on today's show. Carly talking with Sonny. Lulu talking with Dante, then Olivia, then Dante again. Sam talking with Baxter Corbin, Nikolas talking with Hayden and Tracy telling off whoever dares try talking to her.
SONNY & CARLY'S HOUSE
CARLY: I love you, but I don't love the mob. No, wait, I DO love the mob. No I don't! It's too dangerous!
SONNY: You love my dimples. That's what you love!
CARLY: Why do you have to go make mobbing and playing with guns so sexy?
SONNY: Because of my dimples, Carly. It's all because of my dimples.
CARLY: Can you just use your words the next time you get in a fight with another mobster?
SONNY: That's hilarious.
DANTE'S APARTMENT
LULU: I have to say something to you, Dante. (looks at the papers on the coffee table) Oh, are those your divorce papers? I got mine too. I guess we're divorced now.
DANTE: Just say what you need to say, Lulu. Say what you need to sa-a-a-ay!
OLIVIA: OMG, is that my son and his wife in the same room?
DANTE: You really need to work on your timing, Mom.
METROCOURT RESTAURANT
SAM: So, Mr. Money Whisperer, what should I do with the $10 million I don't really have?
BAXTER: How do you know me from a hole in the wall?
SAM: My BFF Rachel recommended you (shows a picture of Hayden to Baxter). Remember her?
BAXTER: Who the hell's she?
SAM: I just told you! She's my bestie! She said she ran into you in Vegas.
BAXTER: Whatever happened to whatever happens there stays there? I've never seen this chick before in my life.
TRACY'S HOSPITAL ROOM
DOC MARTIN HOUSE/DR. MAYS: It seems you have multiple brain lesions and a tumor.
TRACY: I love it how you get right to the point. I have cancer. How many months to live? For God's sake don't sugar coat it.
DOC MARTIN HOUSE: You may have cancer. You may not. That's what biopsies are for. Prepare for brain surgery, Ms. Quartermaine.
GRIFFIN: Don't count your cancer cells before they hatch, Ms. Quartermaine. It's too soon to tell whether or not you even have The Big C.
TRACY: Well, give me a buzz when you want me to go under the knife. I'll be waiting in my resplendent mansion.
WYNDEMERE
HAYDEN: Is it my imagination or should we be charging for rooms at this joint?
NIKOLAS: Don't worry. I stashed my relatives and my dearest female friend in the basement and hired a few extra footmen, kitchen maids, and a butler. Think Downton Abbey, only they're all living on the same floor.
HAYDEN: Does that make me Lady Mary or Lady Edith?
NIKOLAS: It makes you Princess Cassadine.
HAYDEN: I can live with that. By the way, I brought you something from the bookstore.
NIKOLAS: You mean an actual store with actual books in it?
HAYDEN: Well, it was very old-school, but I thought you might enjoy reading about the vast wasteland.
NIKOLAS: A really old copy of The Great Gatsby. And here I thought you only saw the movie.
DANTE'S APARTMENT
OLIVIA: So, are you un-divorcing or what?
LULU: Well...sorry, no spoilers! Not until I say what I have to say to Dante.
TRACY'S HOSPITAL ROOM
MONICA: I'm going to help you, Tracy, whether you like it or not!
GRIFFIN: Me too!
TRACY: Off with the two of you! Can't a dying woman leave the hospital against medical advice in peace?
METROCOURT RESTAURANT
SAM: Sure, I'll put $1 million aside in a rainy day fund.
BAXTER: And the rest of your assets?
HAYDEN: (Seeing Sam and Baxter talking) CRAP!!!
DANTE'S APARTMENT
DANTE: I'm back.
LULU: Let's get an un-divorce, Dante! I still love you.
SONNY & CARLY'S HOUSE
CARLY: I love you, but I don't love the mob. No, wait, I DO love the mob. No I don't! It's too dangerous!
SONNY: You love my dimples. That's what you love!
CARLY: Why do you have to go make mobbing and playing with guns so sexy?
SONNY: Because of my dimples, Carly. It's all because of my dimples.
CARLY: Can you just use your words the next time you get in a fight with another mobster?
SONNY: That's hilarious.
DANTE'S APARTMENT
LULU: I have to say something to you, Dante. (looks at the papers on the coffee table) Oh, are those your divorce papers? I got mine too. I guess we're divorced now.
DANTE: Just say what you need to say, Lulu. Say what you need to sa-a-a-ay!
OLIVIA: OMG, is that my son and his wife in the same room?
DANTE: You really need to work on your timing, Mom.
METROCOURT RESTAURANT
SAM: So, Mr. Money Whisperer, what should I do with the $10 million I don't really have?
BAXTER: How do you know me from a hole in the wall?
SAM: My BFF Rachel recommended you (shows a picture of Hayden to Baxter). Remember her?
BAXTER: Who the hell's she?
SAM: I just told you! She's my bestie! She said she ran into you in Vegas.
BAXTER: Whatever happened to whatever happens there stays there? I've never seen this chick before in my life.
TRACY'S HOSPITAL ROOM
DOC MARTIN HOUSE/DR. MAYS: It seems you have multiple brain lesions and a tumor.
TRACY: I love it how you get right to the point. I have cancer. How many months to live? For God's sake don't sugar coat it.
DOC MARTIN HOUSE: You may have cancer. You may not. That's what biopsies are for. Prepare for brain surgery, Ms. Quartermaine.
GRIFFIN: Don't count your cancer cells before they hatch, Ms. Quartermaine. It's too soon to tell whether or not you even have The Big C.
TRACY: Well, give me a buzz when you want me to go under the knife. I'll be waiting in my resplendent mansion.
WYNDEMERE
HAYDEN: Is it my imagination or should we be charging for rooms at this joint?
NIKOLAS: Don't worry. I stashed my relatives and my dearest female friend in the basement and hired a few extra footmen, kitchen maids, and a butler. Think Downton Abbey, only they're all living on the same floor.
HAYDEN: Does that make me Lady Mary or Lady Edith?
NIKOLAS: It makes you Princess Cassadine.
HAYDEN: I can live with that. By the way, I brought you something from the bookstore.
NIKOLAS: You mean an actual store with actual books in it?
HAYDEN: Well, it was very old-school, but I thought you might enjoy reading about the vast wasteland.
NIKOLAS: A really old copy of The Great Gatsby. And here I thought you only saw the movie.
DANTE'S APARTMENT
OLIVIA: So, are you un-divorcing or what?
LULU: Well...sorry, no spoilers! Not until I say what I have to say to Dante.
TRACY'S HOSPITAL ROOM
MONICA: I'm going to help you, Tracy, whether you like it or not!
GRIFFIN: Me too!
TRACY: Off with the two of you! Can't a dying woman leave the hospital against medical advice in peace?
METROCOURT RESTAURANT
SAM: Sure, I'll put $1 million aside in a rainy day fund.
BAXTER: And the rest of your assets?
HAYDEN: (Seeing Sam and Baxter talking) CRAP!!!
DANTE'S APARTMENT
DANTE: I'm back.
LULU: Let's get an un-divorce, Dante! I still love you.
Friday, March 4, 2016
I Want My Day In Court
Major props to Bryan Craig, Maurice Benard and Laura Wright today for those challenging scenes in the hospital when Morgan learns he's going to be committed. They were hard to watch because they were so raw and so powerful as Morgan begs his parents to let him come home. I'm surprised it was some other facility and not Shadybrook (or Ferncliff) that Dr.Maddox recommended.
Elsewhere in The Chuckles, Lulu and Dante both get the finalized divorce papers in the mail. Dante urges Nathan to come clean to Maxie about Claudette. Julian confronts Ava about her business with Raj and Dixon. A visitor wakes Kiki from her coma.
MORGAN'S HOSPITAL ROOM
ANDRE: How's it going, Morgan?
MORGAN: It's the AWESOMESAUCE, Andre, my man! I'm gettin' OUTTA HERE tonight! Diane's gonna keep me outta prison and Mom and Dad are going to take me home sweet home where I can snap Kiki out of her coma and be the WORLD'S BEST BOYFRIEND to her! Everything's comin' up roses, man! ROSES!
ANDRE: About that...we need to talk about your medication. Why did you stop taking it?
MORGAN: Remember when I was on the roof, talking about how Little Morgan wasn't doing his thing when I was on the meds? After I chucked the pills, I took another chick for a test drive and Little Morgan was ready, willing, and able. Of course, Kiki HAD to walk in on me and this other chick, but she still cared enough about me to come down to the pier when I was about to be done in by the bad gun dude. Bad idea, Kiki. Very bad idea. Can I see Kiki? I promise I won't do anything stupid like unplug her or anything.
ANDRE: I'll look into it.
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
DANTE: So, how's the walking wounded?
NATHAN: Itchin' to get back to doing my cop thing. What's up with you, partner?
DANTE: Just got these divorce papers in the mail.
NATHAN: I thought you and Lulu were getting your couple mojo back. I mean, you saved her life and everything.
DANTE: Yeah, I pulled her from the freezing February water in Port Chuckles Harbor, but then I made the mistake of asking her to come home with me and sleep in The Bed of Infidelity. That scared the crap out of her and she moved back into the Haunted Mansion with her brother.
NATHAN: Bummer, dude! Well, at least you don't have a French ex-girlfriend leaving random gloves in your tux and entering your brain while you're on the joy juice.
FLOATING RIB
MAXIE: So, how's life back at the loft with Dante?
LULU: Who says I'm back in spitting distance of The Bed of Infidelity? Rocco and I are living at Wyndemere with Nikolas and Spencer...and Hayden and soon Elizabeth, Cameron, Jake and Aiden. It's like Fuller House, Cassadine-style. But I'm defintely DJ. Elizabeth can be Stephanie and Hayden is Kimmy Gibbler.
MAXIE: Which would make Hayden your best friend.
LULU: I really need to rethink this.
MAXIE: I couldn't agree more. Move back in with the man you love, who saved your life by the way.
LULU: Did I forget to mention the Bed of Infidelity.
MAXIE: Yeah, there's that. Have you considered fumigation? By the way, here's your mail.
LULU: What's this? The final divorce decree? Well, cancel the bed-burning. My marriage is OVAH! At least the man YOU love is an honest man who would NEVER tell a lie. He's like George Washington, 30 years younger and minus the wooden teeth.
MAXIE: Yeah, about that...
OUTSIDE ICU
JULIAN: How's my comatose niece?
AVA: Still comatose. What if she stays this way, Julian? What if my daughter is a vegetable?
JULIAN: She's not a vegetable, Ava. She's too sweet to be a vegetable. If anything, she's more of a fruit.
AVA: Does that mean you thing she'll wake up?
JULIAN: Sure she will. Then, I will tell her to put out a 5 billion mile restraining order on Morgan. Where's my other niece, by the way?
AVA: I had a moment of insanity and gave her to Sonny.
JULIAN: Say WHAAAAAAAAAAT???
SONNY & CARLY'S HOUSE
SONNY: Morgan is NOT being sent to the looney bin.
CARLY: Yes he is!
SONNY: No he isn't!
CARLY: YES HE IS!
SONNY: NO HE ISN'T!
MORGAN'S HOSPITAL ROOM
MORGAN: Hi Mom, Hi Dad! What's for dinner?
CARLY: About that...
MORGAN: You're bring me home, right? I promise I'll do my homework, go to bed at 9, mow the lawn, take out the trash...
SONNY: Morgan, there's been a change of plans.
MORGAN: Say WHAAAAAAAAAT???
DIANE: You have two choices, Morgan: You can go to the looney bin or your can go on trial and possibly to the hoosegow.
MORGAN: I'll take my day in court because I CAN BEAT THIS and YOU'RE THE BESTEST LAWYER THAT EVER EXISTED!
CARLY: Wrong answer! Tell him, Dr. Maddox.
ANDRE: You're headed to a place called The Friedman Clinic.
CARLY: What about Shadybrook and the rec room chess buddies? Or was it checkers?
ANDRE: They've been taken hostage by a woman holding syringes and demanding BLTs. All things considered, I believe the Friedman Clinic is safer.
MORGAN: YOU'RE SENDING ME TO THE LOONEY BIN???? SCREW YOU! ALL OF YOU!!! I WANNA GO HOOOOOOOOME!
CARLY: Been there, sweetie. Done that, all hell broke loose and you were two seconds away from jumping off the roof. This is for your own good.
SONNY: Your mom's right, son. I really hate when that happens, but your mom's right.
MORGAN: How come YOU never had to go to the looney bin, Dad?
CARLY: Because I went instead. Ferncliff. 1999. There's no shame in having been in the bin, honey.
MORGAN: YOU (pointing to Carly) YOU (pointing to Sonny) YOU (pointing to Diane) and YOU (pointing to Andre) GO TO HELL!!!!! But Andre, you gotta let me see Kiki first.
OUTSIDE ICU
JULIAN: Why didn't you tell me that you were running guns with the likes of Raj and Dixon?
AVA: Why? So you could beat them up and tell them "Don't mess with my little sister!"? Aren't you kinda OUT of the business, Julian?
JULIAN: Yes, I'm still on a mob-free diet, but if I'd have known you've been running around with the likes of those no-necks...
AVA: I was forced to, against my will, by the D.A. He had gotten his hands on something very valuable to me.
JULIAN: Did he threaten Kiki or Avery? The offer to beat them up still stands.
AVA: I said someTHING, not someONE. An object, Julian.
JULIAN: Don't tell me you and your boy toy made a sex tape!
ANDRE: My patient wants to see Kiki on his way to the inpatient mental health facility.
MORGAN: That's shrink for looney bin.
JULIAN: Not. Gonna. Happen.
AVA: I hate Morgan's guts as much as you do, big brother, but he has this bizarre hold over Kiki. Maybe he can snap her out of this coma.
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
MAXIE: I come bearing drugs.
NATHAN: Are you sure you want me to take them? Last time I was doped up, I declared my love to Claudette.
MAXIE: So what if Claudette IS human. I TRUST you, Nathan. I choose TRUST.
KIKI'S ICU ROOM
MORGAN: Say something, I'm leaving Port Chuckles. I'm on my way to the looney bin. Because I've got to get my brain fixed. Say something while I'm still in this room. And I, I'm feeling so small. Bipolar's got in my head, and it caused me to fall. Say something, just wake the hell up soon! (leaves)
KIKI: (eyelid flutter eyelid flutter eyelid flutter lips moving) M...Morgan?
Elsewhere in The Chuckles, Lulu and Dante both get the finalized divorce papers in the mail. Dante urges Nathan to come clean to Maxie about Claudette. Julian confronts Ava about her business with Raj and Dixon. A visitor wakes Kiki from her coma.
MORGAN'S HOSPITAL ROOM
ANDRE: How's it going, Morgan?
MORGAN: It's the AWESOMESAUCE, Andre, my man! I'm gettin' OUTTA HERE tonight! Diane's gonna keep me outta prison and Mom and Dad are going to take me home sweet home where I can snap Kiki out of her coma and be the WORLD'S BEST BOYFRIEND to her! Everything's comin' up roses, man! ROSES!
ANDRE: About that...we need to talk about your medication. Why did you stop taking it?
MORGAN: Remember when I was on the roof, talking about how Little Morgan wasn't doing his thing when I was on the meds? After I chucked the pills, I took another chick for a test drive and Little Morgan was ready, willing, and able. Of course, Kiki HAD to walk in on me and this other chick, but she still cared enough about me to come down to the pier when I was about to be done in by the bad gun dude. Bad idea, Kiki. Very bad idea. Can I see Kiki? I promise I won't do anything stupid like unplug her or anything.
ANDRE: I'll look into it.
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
DANTE: So, how's the walking wounded?
NATHAN: Itchin' to get back to doing my cop thing. What's up with you, partner?
DANTE: Just got these divorce papers in the mail.
NATHAN: I thought you and Lulu were getting your couple mojo back. I mean, you saved her life and everything.
DANTE: Yeah, I pulled her from the freezing February water in Port Chuckles Harbor, but then I made the mistake of asking her to come home with me and sleep in The Bed of Infidelity. That scared the crap out of her and she moved back into the Haunted Mansion with her brother.
NATHAN: Bummer, dude! Well, at least you don't have a French ex-girlfriend leaving random gloves in your tux and entering your brain while you're on the joy juice.
FLOATING RIB
MAXIE: So, how's life back at the loft with Dante?
LULU: Who says I'm back in spitting distance of The Bed of Infidelity? Rocco and I are living at Wyndemere with Nikolas and Spencer...and Hayden and soon Elizabeth, Cameron, Jake and Aiden. It's like Fuller House, Cassadine-style. But I'm defintely DJ. Elizabeth can be Stephanie and Hayden is Kimmy Gibbler.
MAXIE: Which would make Hayden your best friend.
LULU: I really need to rethink this.
MAXIE: I couldn't agree more. Move back in with the man you love, who saved your life by the way.
LULU: Did I forget to mention the Bed of Infidelity.
MAXIE: Yeah, there's that. Have you considered fumigation? By the way, here's your mail.
LULU: What's this? The final divorce decree? Well, cancel the bed-burning. My marriage is OVAH! At least the man YOU love is an honest man who would NEVER tell a lie. He's like George Washington, 30 years younger and minus the wooden teeth.
MAXIE: Yeah, about that...
OUTSIDE ICU
JULIAN: How's my comatose niece?
AVA: Still comatose. What if she stays this way, Julian? What if my daughter is a vegetable?
JULIAN: She's not a vegetable, Ava. She's too sweet to be a vegetable. If anything, she's more of a fruit.
AVA: Does that mean you thing she'll wake up?
JULIAN: Sure she will. Then, I will tell her to put out a 5 billion mile restraining order on Morgan. Where's my other niece, by the way?
AVA: I had a moment of insanity and gave her to Sonny.
JULIAN: Say WHAAAAAAAAAAT???
SONNY & CARLY'S HOUSE
SONNY: Morgan is NOT being sent to the looney bin.
CARLY: Yes he is!
SONNY: No he isn't!
CARLY: YES HE IS!
SONNY: NO HE ISN'T!
MORGAN'S HOSPITAL ROOM
MORGAN: Hi Mom, Hi Dad! What's for dinner?
CARLY: About that...
MORGAN: You're bring me home, right? I promise I'll do my homework, go to bed at 9, mow the lawn, take out the trash...
SONNY: Morgan, there's been a change of plans.
MORGAN: Say WHAAAAAAAAAT???
DIANE: You have two choices, Morgan: You can go to the looney bin or your can go on trial and possibly to the hoosegow.
MORGAN: I'll take my day in court because I CAN BEAT THIS and YOU'RE THE BESTEST LAWYER THAT EVER EXISTED!
CARLY: Wrong answer! Tell him, Dr. Maddox.
ANDRE: You're headed to a place called The Friedman Clinic.
CARLY: What about Shadybrook and the rec room chess buddies? Or was it checkers?
ANDRE: They've been taken hostage by a woman holding syringes and demanding BLTs. All things considered, I believe the Friedman Clinic is safer.
MORGAN: YOU'RE SENDING ME TO THE LOONEY BIN???? SCREW YOU! ALL OF YOU!!! I WANNA GO HOOOOOOOOME!
CARLY: Been there, sweetie. Done that, all hell broke loose and you were two seconds away from jumping off the roof. This is for your own good.
SONNY: Your mom's right, son. I really hate when that happens, but your mom's right.
MORGAN: How come YOU never had to go to the looney bin, Dad?
CARLY: Because I went instead. Ferncliff. 1999. There's no shame in having been in the bin, honey.
MORGAN: YOU (pointing to Carly) YOU (pointing to Sonny) YOU (pointing to Diane) and YOU (pointing to Andre) GO TO HELL!!!!! But Andre, you gotta let me see Kiki first.
OUTSIDE ICU
JULIAN: Why didn't you tell me that you were running guns with the likes of Raj and Dixon?
AVA: Why? So you could beat them up and tell them "Don't mess with my little sister!"? Aren't you kinda OUT of the business, Julian?
JULIAN: Yes, I'm still on a mob-free diet, but if I'd have known you've been running around with the likes of those no-necks...
AVA: I was forced to, against my will, by the D.A. He had gotten his hands on something very valuable to me.
JULIAN: Did he threaten Kiki or Avery? The offer to beat them up still stands.
AVA: I said someTHING, not someONE. An object, Julian.
JULIAN: Don't tell me you and your boy toy made a sex tape!
ANDRE: My patient wants to see Kiki on his way to the inpatient mental health facility.
MORGAN: That's shrink for looney bin.
JULIAN: Not. Gonna. Happen.
AVA: I hate Morgan's guts as much as you do, big brother, but he has this bizarre hold over Kiki. Maybe he can snap her out of this coma.
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
MAXIE: I come bearing drugs.
NATHAN: Are you sure you want me to take them? Last time I was doped up, I declared my love to Claudette.
MAXIE: So what if Claudette IS human. I TRUST you, Nathan. I choose TRUST.
KIKI'S ICU ROOM
MORGAN: Say something, I'm leaving Port Chuckles. I'm on my way to the looney bin. Because I've got to get my brain fixed. Say something while I'm still in this room. And I, I'm feeling so small. Bipolar's got in my head, and it caused me to fall. Say something, just wake the hell up soon! (leaves)
KIKI: (eyelid flutter eyelid flutter eyelid flutter lips moving) M...Morgan?
Thursday, March 3, 2016
Don't Look A Gift Bike In The Mouth
Jake is ready to leave Shriners and he gets a big surprise from a friend--no, make that a Franco. Maxie gives Nina some advice. Liz is none too thrilled to see Jason and Sam in the same hotel room. Michael pleads with Morgan to face reality. Diane has a plan to keep Morgan out of jail, but Carly's not on board.
SHRINERS HOSPITALS FOR CHILDREN
LIZ: Guess what, Jakey? You're getting sprung today! We're going back home. Well, maybe not home home because, you know, KABOOM, but we get to live in a castle. By the way, your bike is history. Just remember: CASTLE!
JAKE: I get to go home? That's cool, I guess. I'll miss the playroom theme park and the doctors and nurses who let me do anything I want.
HOTEL IN PHILLY
SAM: Wakey wakey, Jason!
JASON: Oh look, I'm in a daybed with my wife. How did that happen?
SAM: I read Danny's book to you about kings and Cassadine property rights and you were out like a light.
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
MAXIE: Come look at this cover layout, Nina.
NINA: What's the appeal of a rubber giraffe? Where's the cute little fuzz?
MAXIE: It's Georgie's teething giraffe, because teething rings are SO twentieth century!
NINA: (reading a book for babies) "Here's Baby. Here's Potty. Baby sits on potty. Sit, sit, sit. Baby checks facebook feed on potty. Scroll, scroll, scroll. Baby's a little backed up..."
MAXIE: Yeah, we're not getting anything done today.
NINA: Baby needs more fiber in her diet.
FRANCO: Why did I get a call from an adoption agency telling me they'll give us a baby when hell freezes over and the Cubs win the World Series?
NINA: I sorta kinda put in an application and conveniently forgot to tell you about it.
FRANCO: Say WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?????
MORGAN'S HOSPITAL ROOM
MORGAN: Again with these stupid crazy person straps!
MICHAEL: Well, you DID haul ass up to the roof and try to kill yourself.
MORGAN: I was just getting some fresh air!
MICHAEL: On the ledge of a building, Morgan? You were hallucinating Kiki!
MORGAN: She was up there, Mikey! Maybe you need to get your eyes checked.
SONNY & CARLY'S HOUSE
SONNY: So, what color do you want to paint Avery's room? I picked up some paint chips the other day at Home Depot.
CARLY: How 'bout we not count our chickens before they hatch?
SONNY: So you're thinking yellow?
CARLY: I think you've been inhaling paint fumes at Home Depot.
DIANE: So, I came up with a plan to keep Morgan out of the hoosegow.
SONNY: Let's hear it, Diane.
DIANE: We say he's a sick kid, then make you two his full-time babysitters.
SONNY: Works for me.
HOTEL IN PHILLY
LIZ: Jason, what are you doing in Sam's room?
SAM: Hello? I'm his WIFE! And here I thought Jason was the one with the memory problems.
LIZ: Whatever. Jake is being released today! Just thought you'd like to know.
JASON: He got sprung from Shriners Hospitals for Children, the greatest hospital on Earth? Awesome! I'll be right over.
SHRINERS HOSPITALS FOR CHILDREN
JAKE: (over FaceTime) Hi Franco! You're my BFF, so I thought you'd want to know I'm getting out of the hospital today. Are you coming to my big, huge Welcome Home party?
FRANCO: Tell me the deets and I'm there!
JAKE: I guess it's at Wyndemere because my house went KABOOM! I'm gonna miss my bike, even though I was really, really bad at riding it. We walked everywhere on the island.
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
NINA: Wow, I just realized I've never had a female friend in my life. Well, there was Allegra, but all my conversations with her were one-way, you know.
MAXIE: She was really shy?
NINA: You could say that. It's not like she could have talked to me, even if she wanted to. No one can talk to a horse, of course. That is, of course, unless the horse is the famous Mister Ed.
MAXIE: I can totes be your first female HUMAN friend.
NINA: Have you ever wanted to have a baby, but you were blacklisted from every adoption agency that ever existed?
MAXIE: No WAY! The same thing happened to Lulu and Dante! Lulu had a weird uterus and so I was their surrogate. Except I lost their baby and got knocked up by Spinelli, the guy I was with before Nathan, and tried to pass that baby off as Dante and Lulu's. Except I wanted my baby for myself. Then Lulu UN-BFF'ed me and there was this whole custody battle and I was banned from seeing my baby for like a year, so yeah, I wrote the book on baby drama.
NINA: And all I did was steal a woman's baby and flee the country with Franco!
MAXIE: Speaking of Franco, does he even WANT a baby?
NINA: He will when I get through with him. But what if we can't adopt?
MAXIE: Well, you're not that old. Have one of your own!
NINA: Yeah, well the coma fried my uterus. Or at least that's what Cousin Britt said.
MAXIE: This is the same woman who stole an embryo to hang onto a man! Her credibility is kinda shot.
SHRINERS HOSPITALS FOR CHILDREN
FRANCO: Make way for Franco on Wheels!
JAKE: Look out, Franco!
FRANCO: EEEEEEEEEEE WIPEOUT!!!!! You're not the only one who needs practice. By the way, this sweet set of two wheels is all yours.
JAKE: You got me a BIKE? Best BFF EVER!
LIZ: Franco, fancy meeting you here at the magnificent Shriners Hospitals for Children.
FRANCO: Do you know if there's such a thing as Shriners Hospitals for Grown Men Who Can't Ride Bikes?
JASON: Go home, Franco. You might be drunk.
LIZ: Franco is Jake's art therapist/BFF. It's not like YOU didn't bring a plus-one.
SONNY & CARLY'S HOUSE
CARLY: I am SO not on board with babysitting Morgan. Look how that's worked out so far? I think we should have him committed to Shadybrook.
SONNY: Say WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT???? No son of mine is gettin' locked in a padded cell.
CARLY: But I've heard the rec room is a blast, with catatonics who let you beat them at checkers every time!
MORGAN'S HOSPITAL ROOM
DIANE: I've got your Get Out of Jail Free card right here. All you have to do is relinquish your adulthood to your parents/full-time babysitters because you're too mentally unstable to make any decisions and you stay out of the Big House.
MORGAN: See, Mikey? You don't need to worry about a thing, cuz every little thing is going to be alright.
SHRINERS HOSPITALS FOR CHILDREN
LIZ: Guess what, Jakey? You're getting sprung today! We're going back home. Well, maybe not home home because, you know, KABOOM, but we get to live in a castle. By the way, your bike is history. Just remember: CASTLE!
JAKE: I get to go home? That's cool, I guess. I'll miss the playroom theme park and the doctors and nurses who let me do anything I want.
HOTEL IN PHILLY
SAM: Wakey wakey, Jason!
JASON: Oh look, I'm in a daybed with my wife. How did that happen?
SAM: I read Danny's book to you about kings and Cassadine property rights and you were out like a light.
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
MAXIE: Come look at this cover layout, Nina.
NINA: What's the appeal of a rubber giraffe? Where's the cute little fuzz?
MAXIE: It's Georgie's teething giraffe, because teething rings are SO twentieth century!
NINA: (reading a book for babies) "Here's Baby. Here's Potty. Baby sits on potty. Sit, sit, sit. Baby checks facebook feed on potty. Scroll, scroll, scroll. Baby's a little backed up..."
MAXIE: Yeah, we're not getting anything done today.
NINA: Baby needs more fiber in her diet.
FRANCO: Why did I get a call from an adoption agency telling me they'll give us a baby when hell freezes over and the Cubs win the World Series?
NINA: I sorta kinda put in an application and conveniently forgot to tell you about it.
FRANCO: Say WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?????
MORGAN'S HOSPITAL ROOM
MORGAN: Again with these stupid crazy person straps!
MICHAEL: Well, you DID haul ass up to the roof and try to kill yourself.
MORGAN: I was just getting some fresh air!
MICHAEL: On the ledge of a building, Morgan? You were hallucinating Kiki!
MORGAN: She was up there, Mikey! Maybe you need to get your eyes checked.
SONNY & CARLY'S HOUSE
SONNY: So, what color do you want to paint Avery's room? I picked up some paint chips the other day at Home Depot.
CARLY: How 'bout we not count our chickens before they hatch?
SONNY: So you're thinking yellow?
CARLY: I think you've been inhaling paint fumes at Home Depot.
DIANE: So, I came up with a plan to keep Morgan out of the hoosegow.
SONNY: Let's hear it, Diane.
DIANE: We say he's a sick kid, then make you two his full-time babysitters.
SONNY: Works for me.
HOTEL IN PHILLY
LIZ: Jason, what are you doing in Sam's room?
SAM: Hello? I'm his WIFE! And here I thought Jason was the one with the memory problems.
LIZ: Whatever. Jake is being released today! Just thought you'd like to know.
JASON: He got sprung from Shriners Hospitals for Children, the greatest hospital on Earth? Awesome! I'll be right over.
SHRINERS HOSPITALS FOR CHILDREN
JAKE: (over FaceTime) Hi Franco! You're my BFF, so I thought you'd want to know I'm getting out of the hospital today. Are you coming to my big, huge Welcome Home party?
FRANCO: Tell me the deets and I'm there!
JAKE: I guess it's at Wyndemere because my house went KABOOM! I'm gonna miss my bike, even though I was really, really bad at riding it. We walked everywhere on the island.
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
NINA: Wow, I just realized I've never had a female friend in my life. Well, there was Allegra, but all my conversations with her were one-way, you know.
MAXIE: She was really shy?
NINA: You could say that. It's not like she could have talked to me, even if she wanted to. No one can talk to a horse, of course. That is, of course, unless the horse is the famous Mister Ed.
MAXIE: I can totes be your first female HUMAN friend.
NINA: Have you ever wanted to have a baby, but you were blacklisted from every adoption agency that ever existed?
MAXIE: No WAY! The same thing happened to Lulu and Dante! Lulu had a weird uterus and so I was their surrogate. Except I lost their baby and got knocked up by Spinelli, the guy I was with before Nathan, and tried to pass that baby off as Dante and Lulu's. Except I wanted my baby for myself. Then Lulu UN-BFF'ed me and there was this whole custody battle and I was banned from seeing my baby for like a year, so yeah, I wrote the book on baby drama.
NINA: And all I did was steal a woman's baby and flee the country with Franco!
MAXIE: Speaking of Franco, does he even WANT a baby?
NINA: He will when I get through with him. But what if we can't adopt?
MAXIE: Well, you're not that old. Have one of your own!
NINA: Yeah, well the coma fried my uterus. Or at least that's what Cousin Britt said.
MAXIE: This is the same woman who stole an embryo to hang onto a man! Her credibility is kinda shot.
SHRINERS HOSPITALS FOR CHILDREN
FRANCO: Make way for Franco on Wheels!
JAKE: Look out, Franco!
FRANCO: EEEEEEEEEEE WIPEOUT!!!!! You're not the only one who needs practice. By the way, this sweet set of two wheels is all yours.
JAKE: You got me a BIKE? Best BFF EVER!
LIZ: Franco, fancy meeting you here at the magnificent Shriners Hospitals for Children.
FRANCO: Do you know if there's such a thing as Shriners Hospitals for Grown Men Who Can't Ride Bikes?
JASON: Go home, Franco. You might be drunk.
LIZ: Franco is Jake's art therapist/BFF. It's not like YOU didn't bring a plus-one.
SONNY & CARLY'S HOUSE
CARLY: I am SO not on board with babysitting Morgan. Look how that's worked out so far? I think we should have him committed to Shadybrook.
SONNY: Say WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT???? No son of mine is gettin' locked in a padded cell.
CARLY: But I've heard the rec room is a blast, with catatonics who let you beat them at checkers every time!
MORGAN'S HOSPITAL ROOM
DIANE: I've got your Get Out of Jail Free card right here. All you have to do is relinquish your adulthood to your parents/full-time babysitters because you're too mentally unstable to make any decisions and you stay out of the Big House.
MORGAN: See, Mikey? You don't need to worry about a thing, cuz every little thing is going to be alright.
Wednesday, March 2, 2016
The Liars' Club
Soap Operas: Because telling the truth is SO overrated! Dante and Ava separately confront Sonny on his lie about being able to walk again. Nathan covers his tracks when the subject of dogs and Claudette comes up again. Tracy concocts a tale to mollify Paul and Dillon while Doc Martin House has no clue what's causing her brain to go on the fritz. Sam confesses that she liked the old Danger Jason.
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
NINA: Welcome home, Jay!!! Do you like my sign? I even invited myself to spend the night! What better way to recover than to have a slumber party with your big sis?
NATHAN: Thanks, Nina, but no thanks. I'm not sure my girlfriend's down with the idea of having her boss over for a sleepover.
NINA: Okay, I get that whole no fraternizing with the employee thing. What's with the stuffed poodle?
MAXIE: My mom got that for him so he could remember his childhood pet poodle.
NINA: Um, Mittens was SO not a poodle!
MAXIE: MITTENS? Nathan, you've got some 'splainin' to do!
CHAPEL
SONNY: Yo, God! Can a mobster have a quick word with you? Look, I know you frown on this organized crime thing, but I gotta ask ya to please keep my kiddos safe. Oh, and make Morgan take his meds, no matter what Little Morgan says.
DANTE: Sorry to interrupt your meeting with The Almighty, but what gives? Where's the chair?
SONNY: I'm cured, Dante! Didn't you get the memo?
DANTE: Just like that?
SONNY: This is Port Chuckles after all. People come out of friggin' COMAS looking like they just took a catnap. FINE, I was laying low to lull my enemies into complacency. Is that such a bad thing?
HOTEL IN PHILLY
SAM: I remember when you were the sexiest Danger Boy I ever met. Your badassery knew no limits. Spinelli didn't call you Stone Cold for nothing.
JASON: So do you like Danger Boy better than Amnesia Boy With New Face?
SAM: You know what's weird? I always felt so safe with Danger Boy. He was dangerous to everyone BUT me. And Sonny, of course.
JASON: So, Danger Boy made you feel safe. Is that an oxymoron? Am I an oxymoron?
SAM: I understand if you still have questions about your Jasonness, Jason. Your badassery will come back. It's just like riding a motorcycle.
TRACY'S HOSPITAL ROOM
DR. MAYS/DOC MARTIN HOUSE: Ms. Quartermaine, your scans show that you have lesions in your brain. Further tests are needed.
TRACY: What kind of lesions? Dementia? Brain tumor? Mad Cow Disease?
DOC MARTIN HOUSE: What part of "further tests are needed" did you not understand, Ms. Quartermaine? Perhaps lack of comprehension is a symptom of whatever disease I shall find upon further testing.
OUTSIDE ICU
AVA: I want the flash drive back.
PAUL: No can do. I'm legit, remember. I was only PRETENDING to be a mobster. What kind of D.A. would I be if I handed a key piece of evidence over to the perp?
AVA: Is that what I am to you, Paul? A perp?
DILLON: Dad, I heard how you busted up a gun deal and that you were working on the right side of the law. I might resent you just a tiny bit less now. Hi Ms. Jerome. I hope Kiki gets better.
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
MAXIE: So, about "Mittens"...
NATHAN: She was the dog I had BEFORE Claudette. I had a lot of dogs, Maxie. Nina was already in the coma by the time Claudette came along.
OBRECHT: Guten Tag, Nassan! I come bearing German macaroni and cheese. Ozzervise known as Schnitzelkraut. Vat are you doing viss zat silly stuffed poodle?
NATHAN: Long story, mother. We can't let that weiner schnitzel get cold now, can we.
OBRECHT: It's schnitzelKRAUT, Nassan.
NINA: It smells like German food in here. Now I know why. Hi Auntie Liesl.
OUTSIDE ICU
PAUL: What brings you here, son?
DILLON: I was trying to find Aunt Monica because my mom's having seizures.
PAUL: Tracy's having seizures? Like real ones?
DILLON: So far only one big one, at the Floating Rib. Something's going on with her brain and I'm freakin' out here.
HOTEL IN PHILLY
DANNY: Can you read me my book?
JASON: Is it another truck book?
SAM: No, he's moved on. This one is about four brothers and some king. If you ask me, it sounds kinda Cassadine-y, but at least it's a change of pace.
HOSPITAL CHAPEL
AVA: Thanking the man upstairs for his miraculous healing powers?
SONNY: You're welcome.
AVA: Remind me again, what am I thanking you for?
SONNY: Hello? Rising like a phoenix from my chair and kicking Dixon's ass and saving your sorry life, along with Kristina's and everyone else's lives in that church, THAT'S WHAT! By the way, thanks for bringing that dangerous gunrunner here in the first place, AVA!
AVA: It's not like I even KNEW the guy until he showed up here. And now Kiki is the one paying the price.
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
NATHAN: Maxie knows, sort of.
OBRECHT: About vat?
NATHAN: Claudette. When I was high as a kite on the joy juice, I declared my love for her and Maxie heard me. I told her Claudette was my pet poodle and she bought it.
OBRECHT: I am tickled pink zat you aah confiding in your mutter. You must never tell Maxie ze trooss about Claudette. Ze trooss must stay between you and your mutter, Nassan.
FLOATING RIB
NINA: So, are you and Nathan thinking of getting a dog? That might not be a bad idea for me and Franco. First a dog, then a baby. One step at a time.
MAXIE: Nathan and I aren't getting a dog. He was just telling me about some poodle he had called Claudette. But it was after you were already...well, you know.
NINA: In the coma. Yeah, 20 year comas are a real bummer, but hey, some miraculous recovery, right?
TRACY'S HOSPITAL ROOM
DILLON: Do you they know what's wrong yet, Mom?
TRACY: What's HE doing here?
DILLON: Well, he IS kinda my dad and all.
PAUL: Believe it or not, I sorta kinda care about you, Tracy.
TRACY: PFFFFFFFFT!
DILLON: Well, are you going to tell us what's up?
TRACY: My brain's being remotely controlled by Ted Cruz. And I thought Helena Cassadine was psycho!
HOSPITAL CHAPEL
AVA: Great, what am I supposed to do now? Babies aren't allowed in the ICU. They might start pulling wires and unplugging machines.
SONNY: Come to papa, Avery!
AVA: How do I know you won't hop on a plane to New Zealand with my baby girl?
SONNY: Who needs planes when my teleporter is back from the shop? Kidding! I'm not taking my baby daughter halfway across the world when I have a son in the psych ward being forcibly medicated against Little Morgan's will?
AVA: Fine, but just until Kiki springs up out of that bed doing cartwheels.
AVERY: (translated from Baby) Who dat? My daddy's in a funny chair with big wheels.
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
NINA: Welcome home, Jay!!! Do you like my sign? I even invited myself to spend the night! What better way to recover than to have a slumber party with your big sis?
NATHAN: Thanks, Nina, but no thanks. I'm not sure my girlfriend's down with the idea of having her boss over for a sleepover.
NINA: Okay, I get that whole no fraternizing with the employee thing. What's with the stuffed poodle?
MAXIE: My mom got that for him so he could remember his childhood pet poodle.
NINA: Um, Mittens was SO not a poodle!
MAXIE: MITTENS? Nathan, you've got some 'splainin' to do!
CHAPEL
SONNY: Yo, God! Can a mobster have a quick word with you? Look, I know you frown on this organized crime thing, but I gotta ask ya to please keep my kiddos safe. Oh, and make Morgan take his meds, no matter what Little Morgan says.
DANTE: Sorry to interrupt your meeting with The Almighty, but what gives? Where's the chair?
SONNY: I'm cured, Dante! Didn't you get the memo?
DANTE: Just like that?
SONNY: This is Port Chuckles after all. People come out of friggin' COMAS looking like they just took a catnap. FINE, I was laying low to lull my enemies into complacency. Is that such a bad thing?
HOTEL IN PHILLY
SAM: I remember when you were the sexiest Danger Boy I ever met. Your badassery knew no limits. Spinelli didn't call you Stone Cold for nothing.
JASON: So do you like Danger Boy better than Amnesia Boy With New Face?
SAM: You know what's weird? I always felt so safe with Danger Boy. He was dangerous to everyone BUT me. And Sonny, of course.
JASON: So, Danger Boy made you feel safe. Is that an oxymoron? Am I an oxymoron?
SAM: I understand if you still have questions about your Jasonness, Jason. Your badassery will come back. It's just like riding a motorcycle.
TRACY'S HOSPITAL ROOM
DR. MAYS/DOC MARTIN HOUSE: Ms. Quartermaine, your scans show that you have lesions in your brain. Further tests are needed.
TRACY: What kind of lesions? Dementia? Brain tumor? Mad Cow Disease?
DOC MARTIN HOUSE: What part of "further tests are needed" did you not understand, Ms. Quartermaine? Perhaps lack of comprehension is a symptom of whatever disease I shall find upon further testing.
OUTSIDE ICU
AVA: I want the flash drive back.
PAUL: No can do. I'm legit, remember. I was only PRETENDING to be a mobster. What kind of D.A. would I be if I handed a key piece of evidence over to the perp?
AVA: Is that what I am to you, Paul? A perp?
DILLON: Dad, I heard how you busted up a gun deal and that you were working on the right side of the law. I might resent you just a tiny bit less now. Hi Ms. Jerome. I hope Kiki gets better.
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
MAXIE: So, about "Mittens"...
NATHAN: She was the dog I had BEFORE Claudette. I had a lot of dogs, Maxie. Nina was already in the coma by the time Claudette came along.
OBRECHT: Guten Tag, Nassan! I come bearing German macaroni and cheese. Ozzervise known as Schnitzelkraut. Vat are you doing viss zat silly stuffed poodle?
NATHAN: Long story, mother. We can't let that weiner schnitzel get cold now, can we.
OBRECHT: It's schnitzelKRAUT, Nassan.
NINA: It smells like German food in here. Now I know why. Hi Auntie Liesl.
OUTSIDE ICU
PAUL: What brings you here, son?
DILLON: I was trying to find Aunt Monica because my mom's having seizures.
PAUL: Tracy's having seizures? Like real ones?
DILLON: So far only one big one, at the Floating Rib. Something's going on with her brain and I'm freakin' out here.
HOTEL IN PHILLY
DANNY: Can you read me my book?
JASON: Is it another truck book?
SAM: No, he's moved on. This one is about four brothers and some king. If you ask me, it sounds kinda Cassadine-y, but at least it's a change of pace.
HOSPITAL CHAPEL
AVA: Thanking the man upstairs for his miraculous healing powers?
SONNY: You're welcome.
AVA: Remind me again, what am I thanking you for?
SONNY: Hello? Rising like a phoenix from my chair and kicking Dixon's ass and saving your sorry life, along with Kristina's and everyone else's lives in that church, THAT'S WHAT! By the way, thanks for bringing that dangerous gunrunner here in the first place, AVA!
AVA: It's not like I even KNEW the guy until he showed up here. And now Kiki is the one paying the price.
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
NATHAN: Maxie knows, sort of.
OBRECHT: About vat?
NATHAN: Claudette. When I was high as a kite on the joy juice, I declared my love for her and Maxie heard me. I told her Claudette was my pet poodle and she bought it.
OBRECHT: I am tickled pink zat you aah confiding in your mutter. You must never tell Maxie ze trooss about Claudette. Ze trooss must stay between you and your mutter, Nassan.
FLOATING RIB
NINA: So, are you and Nathan thinking of getting a dog? That might not be a bad idea for me and Franco. First a dog, then a baby. One step at a time.
MAXIE: Nathan and I aren't getting a dog. He was just telling me about some poodle he had called Claudette. But it was after you were already...well, you know.
NINA: In the coma. Yeah, 20 year comas are a real bummer, but hey, some miraculous recovery, right?
TRACY'S HOSPITAL ROOM
DILLON: Do you they know what's wrong yet, Mom?
TRACY: What's HE doing here?
DILLON: Well, he IS kinda my dad and all.
PAUL: Believe it or not, I sorta kinda care about you, Tracy.
TRACY: PFFFFFFFFT!
DILLON: Well, are you going to tell us what's up?
TRACY: My brain's being remotely controlled by Ted Cruz. And I thought Helena Cassadine was psycho!
HOSPITAL CHAPEL
AVA: Great, what am I supposed to do now? Babies aren't allowed in the ICU. They might start pulling wires and unplugging machines.
SONNY: Come to papa, Avery!
AVA: How do I know you won't hop on a plane to New Zealand with my baby girl?
SONNY: Who needs planes when my teleporter is back from the shop? Kidding! I'm not taking my baby daughter halfway across the world when I have a son in the psych ward being forcibly medicated against Little Morgan's will?
AVA: Fine, but just until Kiki springs up out of that bed doing cartwheels.
AVERY: (translated from Baby) Who dat? My daddy's in a funny chair with big wheels.
Tuesday, March 1, 2016
How To Entertain A Comatose Patient
Roger Howarth killed it today as Franco sat vigil at Kiki's bedside and felt all the Surrogate Father-Daughter feels! He totally sold his fatherly love for Kiki and he was at once hilarious and heartbreaking.
Paul rescues Ava from Jordan's questioning. Griffin is on the scene when Tracy has her seizure and has her transported to GH for tests, much to Tracy's chagrin. Hayden and Dillon share concern over Tracy's condition. Sam makes progress in her investigation of Hayden for Nikolas as she takes Danny to see his big brother. Liz sees the connection between Jason and Sam and has a hard time letting go. Alexis and Julian spend the day in bed at the MetroCourt.
FLOATING RIB
GRIFFIN: I spy with my little eye some lady having a seizure. Brand spankin' new GH neurosurgeon to the rescue!
TRACY: (seizure seizure seizure seizure seizure seizure)
HAYDEN: OMG, she's totally having a seizure or something! Must call Dillon, because we totes know each other and all.
TRACY: Why am I on the floor of a pool hall? Is this real life?
HAYDEN: You had a seizure. Next time you order ribs, go easy on the barbecue sauce.
OUTSIDE ICU
FRANCO: How's Kiki?
AVA: She won't wake up, Franco! I want my Kiki back!
JORDAN: Is this a bad time to ask you about your involvement in gun trafficking?
FRANCO: Um, YEAH!
JORDAN: Scram, Franco! I need to talk to Ms. Jerome IN PRIVATE.
FRANCO: Maybe I'll get to wake Kiki up after all!
SHRINERS HOSPITALS FOR CHILDREN
DANNY: Hi Daddy! How's my big brother doing at Shriners Hospital for Children?
JASON: Hi Danny! Shriners Hospital for Children has first class pediatric care. They put Jake together again just like Humpty Dumpty! Nice wheels by the way.
SAM: I couldn't agree more about Shriners Hospitals for Children! Danny brought that truck as a present for Jake, right Danny?
DANNY: Yeah. He's my big brother. Where is he?
JASON: Come with me and I'll show you. Shriners Hospitals for Children has the world's best hospital rooms! Free Wi-Fi, ice cream and bedside x-box!
METROCOURT
ALEXIS: This bed is so comfy, I could TOTALLY spend the rest of my life in it, as long as I'm with you.
JULIAN: You have a point. What's the thread count on these sheets?
ALEXIS: Who cares? Let's have more sex!
JULIAN: You won't get an argument from me! But first, I want to thank you for being so understanding about me having another woman's kid.
ALEXIS: It happens when you're as hot as you are.
KIKI'S ICU ROOM
FRANCO: Wakey wakey, Kiki! Your fake dad is here!
KIKI: (coma coma coma coma coma)
FRANCO: You're not feeling much like talking? No sweat! I'm great at monologues. Let's talk current events, shall we? Can you believe the freak show that is the 2016 presidential campaign? Maybe I should run. What do you think, Kiki? Franco for President? I'd give one kickass State of the Union Address, wouldn't I? The question is, who would be my running mate? Who would be my VEEP, so to speak? Well, there's always Julia Louis-Dreyfuss. After all, she plays one on TV. Or there's Nina. Or your mother. How about you? Would you be my running mate if I ran for President? You can wake up now anytime you want to slap me and tell me I'm nuts.
FLOATING RIB
DILLON: Listen to the doc, Mom, and go to the hospital! I mean, seriously, you just had a friggin' SEIZURE!
TRACY: I'm FINE, Dillon. I just felt a little...shaky for a moment. That's all. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm no spring chicken.
HAYDEN: You're on the FLOOR at a RIB JOINT, Tracy.
TRACY: Fine, but no ambulances. They're so melodramatic.
SHRINERS HOSPITALS FOR CHILDREN
DANNY: I got a truck for you Jake!
JAKE: Thanks, little brother. Wanna sign my cast? If you can't write yet, you can draw a picture.
DANNY: Okay, I'll draw a picture of a truck.
JASON: Great to see you guys hanging out and getting along. Hey, guess what? Shriners Hospitals for Children has an awesome PLAYROOM with its own built-in wheelchair-friendly theme park! Cam and Aiden are waiting for you.
SAM: NICE tie, Nikolas. Is that what princes are wearing these days?
NIKOLAS: It's a Spencer original. He made it as a fundraiser for Shriners Hospitals for Children. So what's the latest on Operation Haychel?
SAM: Funny you should say that. My phone's ringing right now and it's Baxter Corbin. (over phone to Baxter) Yes, I'm the rich lady who wants help investing my considerable windfall. Yeah, that hotshot financial guy recommended you. You're in Rochester? Great, I'll hang out with my friends Sonya and Karen while I'm there!
NIKOLAS: Nice work, cuz!
LIZ: So, you and Sam are all cozy now right?
JASON: In case my memory problems are contagious, she is my wife.
LIZ: Yeah, there's that unfortunate fact.
OUTSIDE ICU
PAUL: Why hello, Commish! Ms. Jerome, is the mean Commissioner bothering you while you're keeping vigil over your critically ill, comatose daughter?
AVA: As a matter of fact...
JORDAN: I was just asking MS. JEROME a few questions about this clandestine little immunity deal you and she sprung on me.
PAUL: Commish, with all due respect, would you like me to clarify the definition of immunity to you?
JORDAN: Fine, but I am TOTES not kewl with this.
KIKI'S ICU ROOM
FRANCO: Is gluten really that bad of a thing? If you go on a Paleo diet, will you go extinct just like the dinosaurs? Why do you park on a driveway and drive on a parkway? How can we control the Zika virus? Kiki, you gotta help me here! I have so many questions that need answers. Wait a minute. I'm getting a text. Oh, it's a not-so-scary picture from my little buddy Jake!
TRACY'S HOSPITAL ROOM
TRACY: Hey you, fake doctor, can you find me REAL neurologist? You look more like an underwear model.
GRIFFIN: Is that supposed to be a compliment on my impressive physique or an attack on my medical credentials?
TRACY: Just get me a doctor who looks like a doctor and not just one who plays a doctor on TV!
KIKI'S ICU ROOM
FRANCO: (over FaceTime) Hi Jake! How's Shriners Hospitals for Children treating you? Do they pay you to say the full name of the place like they do us grown-ups?
JAKE: Hi Franco. I'm glad you liked my picture. Wanna sign my cast when I come home?
FRANCO: I sure do, kiddo. Say hi to my friend Kiki. She's not really feeling much like talking right now.
JAKE: Um, hi Kiki.
FRANCO: Where's your mom?
JAKE: Probably somewhere talking to my dad.
FRANCO: Say, Jake, should I run for President? I'd make a better President of the good old U.S. of A. than Donald Trump, wouldn't I?
JAKE: Yeah, I guess so.
OUTSIDE ICU
AVA: Oh, Kiki! Paul, I miss Kiki so much! KIIIIIIIIIIIKIIIIIIIII!!!!!! (sobs)
PAUL: Aw, poor Ava! You almost make me want to give you that flash drive. ALMOST!
TRACY'S HOSPITAL ROOM
GRIFFIN: Will this guy do? (points to Dr. Mays, a.k.a. Doc Martin House)
TRACY: That's more like it. This man looks like a doctor.
DR. MAYS: EVERYBODY GET OUTTA HERE! I want to talk to my patient in private.
TRACY: Ta ta Dillon. Take Hayden with you. Do me a favor and lose her. It's a big hospital. Make it happen.
HOSPITAL
DILLON: Don't worry. I'm not going to get you lost in this place.
HAYDEN: My phone has GPS, so no worries.
DILLON: Well, I am worried about my mom. Is she dying or something? Seizures are scary.
KIKI'S ICU ROOM
FRANCO: (over phone with Liz): Hey, Elizabeth, I had a nice chat with your kid. By the way, I know what the "My kid's in the hospital" feels feel like because I'm feeling all of them right now. I know Kiki's not REALLY my kid and all, but she's my sorta kid and I've been rambling on and on to her all day and she hasn't woken up ONCE to tell me to shut the hell up.
LIZ: Aw, Franco! You sound more and more human every time I talk to you.
Paul rescues Ava from Jordan's questioning. Griffin is on the scene when Tracy has her seizure and has her transported to GH for tests, much to Tracy's chagrin. Hayden and Dillon share concern over Tracy's condition. Sam makes progress in her investigation of Hayden for Nikolas as she takes Danny to see his big brother. Liz sees the connection between Jason and Sam and has a hard time letting go. Alexis and Julian spend the day in bed at the MetroCourt.
FLOATING RIB
GRIFFIN: I spy with my little eye some lady having a seizure. Brand spankin' new GH neurosurgeon to the rescue!
TRACY: (seizure seizure seizure seizure seizure seizure)
HAYDEN: OMG, she's totally having a seizure or something! Must call Dillon, because we totes know each other and all.
TRACY: Why am I on the floor of a pool hall? Is this real life?
HAYDEN: You had a seizure. Next time you order ribs, go easy on the barbecue sauce.
OUTSIDE ICU
FRANCO: How's Kiki?
AVA: She won't wake up, Franco! I want my Kiki back!
JORDAN: Is this a bad time to ask you about your involvement in gun trafficking?
FRANCO: Um, YEAH!
JORDAN: Scram, Franco! I need to talk to Ms. Jerome IN PRIVATE.
FRANCO: Maybe I'll get to wake Kiki up after all!
SHRINERS HOSPITALS FOR CHILDREN
DANNY: Hi Daddy! How's my big brother doing at Shriners Hospital for Children?
JASON: Hi Danny! Shriners Hospital for Children has first class pediatric care. They put Jake together again just like Humpty Dumpty! Nice wheels by the way.
SAM: I couldn't agree more about Shriners Hospitals for Children! Danny brought that truck as a present for Jake, right Danny?
DANNY: Yeah. He's my big brother. Where is he?
JASON: Come with me and I'll show you. Shriners Hospitals for Children has the world's best hospital rooms! Free Wi-Fi, ice cream and bedside x-box!
METROCOURT
ALEXIS: This bed is so comfy, I could TOTALLY spend the rest of my life in it, as long as I'm with you.
JULIAN: You have a point. What's the thread count on these sheets?
ALEXIS: Who cares? Let's have more sex!
JULIAN: You won't get an argument from me! But first, I want to thank you for being so understanding about me having another woman's kid.
ALEXIS: It happens when you're as hot as you are.
KIKI'S ICU ROOM
FRANCO: Wakey wakey, Kiki! Your fake dad is here!
KIKI: (coma coma coma coma coma)
FRANCO: You're not feeling much like talking? No sweat! I'm great at monologues. Let's talk current events, shall we? Can you believe the freak show that is the 2016 presidential campaign? Maybe I should run. What do you think, Kiki? Franco for President? I'd give one kickass State of the Union Address, wouldn't I? The question is, who would be my running mate? Who would be my VEEP, so to speak? Well, there's always Julia Louis-Dreyfuss. After all, she plays one on TV. Or there's Nina. Or your mother. How about you? Would you be my running mate if I ran for President? You can wake up now anytime you want to slap me and tell me I'm nuts.
FLOATING RIB
DILLON: Listen to the doc, Mom, and go to the hospital! I mean, seriously, you just had a friggin' SEIZURE!
TRACY: I'm FINE, Dillon. I just felt a little...shaky for a moment. That's all. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm no spring chicken.
HAYDEN: You're on the FLOOR at a RIB JOINT, Tracy.
TRACY: Fine, but no ambulances. They're so melodramatic.
SHRINERS HOSPITALS FOR CHILDREN
DANNY: I got a truck for you Jake!
JAKE: Thanks, little brother. Wanna sign my cast? If you can't write yet, you can draw a picture.
DANNY: Okay, I'll draw a picture of a truck.
JASON: Great to see you guys hanging out and getting along. Hey, guess what? Shriners Hospitals for Children has an awesome PLAYROOM with its own built-in wheelchair-friendly theme park! Cam and Aiden are waiting for you.
SAM: NICE tie, Nikolas. Is that what princes are wearing these days?
NIKOLAS: It's a Spencer original. He made it as a fundraiser for Shriners Hospitals for Children. So what's the latest on Operation Haychel?
SAM: Funny you should say that. My phone's ringing right now and it's Baxter Corbin. (over phone to Baxter) Yes, I'm the rich lady who wants help investing my considerable windfall. Yeah, that hotshot financial guy recommended you. You're in Rochester? Great, I'll hang out with my friends Sonya and Karen while I'm there!
NIKOLAS: Nice work, cuz!
LIZ: So, you and Sam are all cozy now right?
JASON: In case my memory problems are contagious, she is my wife.
LIZ: Yeah, there's that unfortunate fact.
OUTSIDE ICU
PAUL: Why hello, Commish! Ms. Jerome, is the mean Commissioner bothering you while you're keeping vigil over your critically ill, comatose daughter?
AVA: As a matter of fact...
JORDAN: I was just asking MS. JEROME a few questions about this clandestine little immunity deal you and she sprung on me.
PAUL: Commish, with all due respect, would you like me to clarify the definition of immunity to you?
JORDAN: Fine, but I am TOTES not kewl with this.
KIKI'S ICU ROOM
FRANCO: Is gluten really that bad of a thing? If you go on a Paleo diet, will you go extinct just like the dinosaurs? Why do you park on a driveway and drive on a parkway? How can we control the Zika virus? Kiki, you gotta help me here! I have so many questions that need answers. Wait a minute. I'm getting a text. Oh, it's a not-so-scary picture from my little buddy Jake!
TRACY'S HOSPITAL ROOM
TRACY: Hey you, fake doctor, can you find me REAL neurologist? You look more like an underwear model.
GRIFFIN: Is that supposed to be a compliment on my impressive physique or an attack on my medical credentials?
TRACY: Just get me a doctor who looks like a doctor and not just one who plays a doctor on TV!
KIKI'S ICU ROOM
FRANCO: (over FaceTime) Hi Jake! How's Shriners Hospitals for Children treating you? Do they pay you to say the full name of the place like they do us grown-ups?
JAKE: Hi Franco. I'm glad you liked my picture. Wanna sign my cast when I come home?
FRANCO: I sure do, kiddo. Say hi to my friend Kiki. She's not really feeling much like talking right now.
JAKE: Um, hi Kiki.
FRANCO: Where's your mom?
JAKE: Probably somewhere talking to my dad.
FRANCO: Say, Jake, should I run for President? I'd make a better President of the good old U.S. of A. than Donald Trump, wouldn't I?
JAKE: Yeah, I guess so.
OUTSIDE ICU
AVA: Oh, Kiki! Paul, I miss Kiki so much! KIIIIIIIIIIIKIIIIIIIII!!!!!! (sobs)
PAUL: Aw, poor Ava! You almost make me want to give you that flash drive. ALMOST!
TRACY'S HOSPITAL ROOM
GRIFFIN: Will this guy do? (points to Dr. Mays, a.k.a. Doc Martin House)
TRACY: That's more like it. This man looks like a doctor.
DR. MAYS: EVERYBODY GET OUTTA HERE! I want to talk to my patient in private.
TRACY: Ta ta Dillon. Take Hayden with you. Do me a favor and lose her. It's a big hospital. Make it happen.
HOSPITAL
DILLON: Don't worry. I'm not going to get you lost in this place.
HAYDEN: My phone has GPS, so no worries.
DILLON: Well, I am worried about my mom. Is she dying or something? Seizures are scary.
KIKI'S ICU ROOM
FRANCO: (over phone with Liz): Hey, Elizabeth, I had a nice chat with your kid. By the way, I know what the "My kid's in the hospital" feels feel like because I'm feeling all of them right now. I know Kiki's not REALLY my kid and all, but she's my sorta kid and I've been rambling on and on to her all day and she hasn't woken up ONCE to tell me to shut the hell up.
LIZ: Aw, Franco! You sound more and more human every time I talk to you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)