How To Entertain A Comatose Patient

    Roger Howarth killed it today as Franco sat vigil at Kiki's bedside and felt all the Surrogate Father-Daughter feels!    He totally sold his fatherly love for Kiki and he was at once hilarious and heartbreaking.

      Paul rescues Ava from Jordan's questioning.  Griffin is on the scene when Tracy has her seizure and has her transported to GH for tests, much to Tracy's chagrin.  Hayden and Dillon share concern over Tracy's condition.  Sam makes progress in her investigation of Hayden for Nikolas as she takes Danny to see his big brother.   Liz sees the connection between Jason and Sam and has a hard time letting go.   Alexis and Julian spend the day in bed at the MetroCourt.

   
       FLOATING RIB

       GRIFFIN:  I spy with my little eye some lady having a seizure.   Brand spankin' new GH neurosurgeon to the rescue!  
       TRACY:  (seizure seizure seizure seizure seizure seizure) 
       HAYDEN:  OMG, she's totally having a seizure or something!   Must call Dillon, because we totes know each other and all. 
       TRACY:  Why am I on the floor of a pool hall?   Is this real life?
       HAYDEN:  You had a seizure.   Next time you order ribs, go easy on the barbecue sauce. 

   
       OUTSIDE ICU

        FRANCO:  How's Kiki? 
        AVA:  She won't wake up, Franco!   I want my Kiki back! 
        JORDAN:  Is this a bad time to ask you about your involvement in gun trafficking?
        FRANCO: Um, YEAH!
        JORDAN:  Scram, Franco!  I need to talk to Ms. Jerome IN PRIVATE.
        FRANCO:  Maybe I'll get to wake Kiki up after all!

      
       SHRINERS HOSPITALS FOR CHILDREN

       DANNY:  Hi Daddy!   How's my big brother doing at Shriners Hospital for Children? 
       JASON:  Hi Danny!  Shriners Hospital for Children has first class pediatric care.   They put Jake together again just like Humpty Dumpty!   Nice wheels by the way. 
       SAM:  I couldn't agree more about Shriners Hospitals for Children!   Danny brought that truck as a present for Jake, right Danny?
       DANNY:  Yeah.   He's my big brother.   Where is he? 
       JASON:  Come with me and I'll show you.   Shriners Hospitals for Children has the world's best hospital rooms!   Free Wi-Fi, ice cream and bedside x-box! 

     
       METROCOURT

       ALEXIS:  This bed is so comfy, I could TOTALLY spend the rest of my life in it, as long as I'm with you.
       JULIAN:  You have a point.  What's the thread count on these sheets? 
       ALEXIS:  Who cares?   Let's have more sex!  
       JULIAN:  You won't get an argument from me!   But first, I want to thank you for being so understanding about me having another woman's kid. 
       ALEXIS:  It happens when you're as hot as you are. 


      KIKI'S ICU ROOM

      FRANCO:  Wakey wakey, Kiki!  Your fake dad is here! 
      KIKI:  (coma coma coma coma coma)
      FRANCO:  You're not feeling much like talking?   No sweat!  I'm great at monologues.   Let's talk current events, shall we?   Can you believe the freak show that is the 2016 presidential campaign?   Maybe I should run.   What do you think, Kiki?   Franco for President?   I'd give one kickass State of the Union Address, wouldn't I?   The question is, who would be my running mate?   Who would be my VEEP, so to speak?   Well, there's always Julia Louis-Dreyfuss.   After all, she plays one on TV.   Or there's Nina.  Or your mother.  How about you?   Would you be my running mate if I ran for President?   You can wake up now anytime you want to slap me and tell me I'm nuts. 


     FLOATING RIB

    DILLON:  Listen  to the doc, Mom, and go to the hospital!   I mean, seriously, you just had a friggin' SEIZURE! 
    TRACY:  I'm FINE, Dillon.  I just felt a little...shaky for a moment.  That's all.   As much as I hate to admit it, I'm no spring chicken.
    HAYDEN:  You're on the FLOOR at a RIB JOINT, Tracy.
    TRACY:  Fine, but no ambulances.  They're so melodramatic. 
  

    SHRINERS HOSPITALS FOR CHILDREN

    DANNY:  I got a truck for you Jake!
    JAKE:  Thanks, little brother.   Wanna sign my cast?   If you can't write yet, you can draw a picture. 
    DANNY:  Okay, I'll draw a picture of a truck. 
    JASON:  Great to see you guys hanging out and getting along.   Hey, guess what?   Shriners Hospitals for Children has an awesome PLAYROOM with its own built-in wheelchair-friendly theme park!  Cam and Aiden are waiting for you. 

    SAM:  NICE tie, Nikolas.   Is that what princes are wearing these days?
    NIKOLAS:  It's a Spencer original.  He made it as a fundraiser for Shriners Hospitals for Children.  So what's the latest on Operation Haychel?
     SAM:  Funny you should say that.  My phone's ringing right now and it's Baxter Corbin.  (over phone to Baxter)  Yes, I'm the rich lady who wants help investing my considerable windfall.   Yeah, that hotshot financial guy recommended you.   You're in Rochester?   Great, I'll hang out with my friends Sonya and Karen while I'm there! 
    NIKOLAS:  Nice work, cuz! 

    LIZ:  So, you and Sam are all cozy now right?
    JASON:  In case my memory problems are contagious, she is my wife.
    LIZ:  Yeah, there's that unfortunate fact. 

  
     OUTSIDE ICU

      PAUL:  Why hello, Commish!   Ms. Jerome, is the mean Commissioner bothering you while you're keeping vigil over your critically ill, comatose daughter?
      AVA:  As a matter of fact...
      JORDAN:  I was just asking MS. JEROME a few questions about this clandestine little immunity deal you and she sprung on me.
      PAUL: Commish, with all due respect, would you like me to clarify the definition of immunity to you?
      JORDAN: Fine, but I am TOTES not kewl with this.

   
     KIKI'S ICU ROOM

     FRANCO:  Is gluten really that bad of a thing?  If you go on a Paleo diet, will you go extinct just like the dinosaurs?   Why do you park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?    How can we control the Zika virus?   Kiki, you gotta help me here!  I have so many questions that need answers.   Wait a minute.  I'm getting a text.  Oh, it's a not-so-scary picture from my little buddy Jake! 


    TRACY'S HOSPITAL ROOM

   TRACY:  Hey you, fake doctor, can you find me REAL neurologist?   You look more like an underwear model. 
   GRIFFIN:  Is that supposed to be a compliment on my impressive physique or an attack on my medical credentials? 
   TRACY:  Just get me a doctor who looks like a doctor and not just one who plays a doctor on TV! 

 
   KIKI'S ICU ROOM

  FRANCO:  (over FaceTime)  Hi Jake!  How's Shriners Hospitals for Children treating you?   Do they pay you to say the full name of the place like they do us grown-ups? 
  JAKE:  Hi Franco.  I'm glad you liked my picture.  Wanna sign my cast when I come home? 
  FRANCO:  I sure do, kiddo.   Say hi to my friend Kiki.  She's not really feeling much like talking right now.
  JAKE:  Um, hi Kiki. 
  FRANCO:  Where's your mom? 
  JAKE:  Probably somewhere talking to my dad. 
  FRANCO:  Say, Jake, should I run for President?   I'd make a better President of the good old U.S. of A. than Donald Trump, wouldn't I? 
  JAKE:  Yeah, I guess so. 

  
   OUTSIDE ICU

   AVA:  Oh, Kiki!   Paul, I miss Kiki so much!   KIIIIIIIIIIIKIIIIIIIII!!!!!! (sobs)
   PAUL:  Aw, poor Ava!   You almost make me want to give you that flash drive.  ALMOST!

 
   TRACY'S HOSPITAL ROOM

    GRIFFIN:  Will this guy do?   (points to Dr. Mays, a.k.a. Doc Martin House)
    TRACY:  That's more like it.   This man looks like a doctor.
    DR. MAYS:  EVERYBODY GET OUTTA HERE!   I want to talk to my patient in private. 
    TRACY:  Ta ta Dillon.  Take Hayden with you.  Do me a favor and lose her.   It's a big hospital.  Make it happen. 

  
   HOSPITAL

   DILLON: Don't worry.  I'm not going to get you lost in this place.
   HAYDEN:   My phone has GPS, so no worries.
   DILLON:  Well, I am worried about my mom.  Is she dying or something?   Seizures are scary.

 
   KIKI'S ICU ROOM

   FRANCO:  (over phone with Liz):  Hey, Elizabeth, I had a nice chat with your kid.   By the way, I know what the "My kid's in the hospital" feels feel like because I'm feeling all of them right now.   I know Kiki's not REALLY my kid and all, but she's my sorta kid and I've been rambling on and on to her all day and she hasn't woken up ONCE to tell me to shut the hell up.
   LIZ:  Aw, Franco!   You sound more and more human every time I talk to you.