Batman & Robin

     Curtis and Valerie are the first to put the Crimson issue together.  Nina thinks the Crimson sabotage was an inside job.  Julian offers to help Ava.  Olivia, Alexis, Diane, and Mayor Lomax have it out in court before the hearing even begins.   Kristina confides in Molly.   A crisis has Carly rushing to the MetroCourt. 

     METROCOURT LOBBY

      CURTIS:  How would you like to put a fashion magazine together and win a thousand bucks? 
      VALERIE:  Say WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT???  
      CURTIS:  You mean you haven't seen Project Humpty Dumpty: Crimson Edition trending ALL OVER social media?   Girl, have you been living under a rock?   My mama, may she rest in peace, always said, "Life is like a bunch of fashion magazine pages.  If they smell like the hottest new fragrance, it will all come together and win you a grand." 
       VALERIE:  OMG, YOUR mom died too?   We have SO much in common now! 
      
    
     CRIMSON OFFICE

      MAXIE:  I still think Crimson got screwed over.  
      NINA:  I think I know who did it.  Julian Jerome.  
      MAXIE:  Say WHAAAAAAAAAAT???  Why would he tank HIS OWN MAGAZINE???
      NINA:  Because he hired me to tank it for him.  And his sister kinda hates me for fleeing the country with her kid way back when.  
     
     
      ALEXIS & JULIAN'S HOUSE

      MOLLY:  Why didn't you tell Mom & Uncle Sonny that you're at least 10% gay? 
      KRISTINA:  Because I might be bi instead and Dad already has one bi kid.  Morgan is BI-polar.  
      MOLLY:  But Mom, she's so progressive she makes Bernie Sanders look like Ted Cruz with a Donald Trump combover.   You've gotta at least tell her. 
     
     
       COURTHOUSE

     OLIVIA:  I'm ITCHING to get this thing started. 
     MAYOR LOMAX:  Just drop the lawsuit and take your contagion elsewhere.   
     ALEXIS:  For the 437th time, STOP HARASSING MY CLIENT!   Your big fat piehole is what got you in trouble in the first place. 
     DIANE:  Remember that little thing called Freedom of Speech?  

    
     CORINTHOS HOUSE

    SONNY:  Kristina got suspended from school and lied about it. 
    CARLY:  Say WHAAAAAAAAAAAT???? 
    SONNY:  It's all because of her crooked prof.  I'm gonna have my goons NAIL HIM TO THE GODDAMN WALL!  (Chucks barware)
    CARLY:  Yeah, Kristina will really love that.  If you go all mob vigilante on Wesleyan, Kristina will never be able to set foot on that campus again. 
  

    HOSPITAL

    JULIAN:  Ava, let me put this to you gently:  You're screwed.  
    AVA:  Gee, thanks, big brother.  How comforting.
    JULIAN:  Your peeps are pissed and who can blame them.  You sold them out to the D.A.
    AVA:  Who keeps a copy of THE RECORDING in his pocket at all times, ready to send me to the hoosegow at moment's notice.  I'll give them all new iPads and all will be forgiven.  That is, unless they shoot me while I'm delivering their brand spankin' new electronic pacifiers.
    JULIAN: That's where I come in.  Big Brother to the rescue!

   
     COURTHOUSE

      MAYOR LOMAX:  BOOB FLASHER!!!
      OLIVIA:  BABY NOURISHMENT DENIER!!!
      MAYOR LOMAX:  You're recording this all, aren't you, MS. FALCONERI.  I'M TELLING!!!
      OLIVIA:  You would.  
      MAYOR LOMAX:  DEM'S FIGHTING WORDS!   (Catfight ensues)
      BABY UNCLE LEO:  (translated from baby)  GO, MOMMY, GO!!!    
      KRISTINA & MOLLY:  What did we just walk in on?  


     CRIMSON OFFICE

     MAXIE:  Don't look now, but Crimson's Humpty Dumpty contest is TRENDING!!!!!  
     NINA:  OMG, this actually might WORK!   I've never been happier to hand over $15 grand! 
     HEALTH INSPECTOR:  Knock knock!  EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY

    
     METROCOURT LOBBY

     CARLY:  What fresh HELL? 
     HEALTH INSPECTOR:  You've been COMDEMNED, Mrs. Corinthos.   The MetroCourt is CLOSED!  
     CARLY:  Say WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?????  
     MAXIE:  Please tell me April Fool's Day is coming early this year. 
     NINA:  I think I know who's behind this.   Who is the biggest boob-hater in Port Chuckles?
     CARLY:  Stupid friggin' MAYOR!  


     CRIMSON OFFICE

     CURTIS:  Check this out!
     VALERIE:  We put Crimson back together again!  
     CURTIS:  It's like Black Friday at WalMart out there.   I think I even saw riot gear. 
     NINA:  Yay for riot gear!  
     MAXIE:  OMG, we've totally gone VIRAL!  
    
   
     COURTHOUSE

    CARLY:  Hey, Liv, can you, by any chance, put the kibosh on this whole lawsuit thing?   Boob-Hating Mayor just shut down the MetroCourt.  

    
      CORINTHOS HOUSE

    AVA:  Someone's sending Kiki black roses and creepy notes so you can keep Avery unless my goons accept my iPad-shaped olive branch.  
   SONNY:  Black roses?  What kinda sonofabitch sends black roses?  (to himself)  ME!  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!