It's Raining Crimson!

    Nina comes up with a crazy idea to salvage the latest Crimson printing snafu.   Ava drops by Casa Corinthos to retrieve Avery.  Sonny badgers the truth out of Kristina about her suspension.   Sam has a surprising request for Jason.  Dr. Obrecht gives Franco a test. 

     CRIMSON OFFICE

     MAXIE:  I smell a fashion-hating rat.
     JULIAN:  As far as I know, rats don't wear clothes.
     MAXIE:  What printer screws us TWICE in a row?   Two strikes, YOUR OUT!
     JULIAN:  That would be three, Maxie, but I take it you have as much interest in baseball as rats do in fashion. 
    

       CORINTHOS HOUSE

       CARLY:  Lovely to see you, Ava.  NOT! 
       AVA:  Can we fast-forward to the part where you give me my baby?
       CARLY:  I'd rather fast-forward to the part where I tell you NO.  She's napping. 
        AVA:  Fine, but I'll be back and that baby had better be AWAKE.   Kiki's un-coma-ed and wants to see her little sister.   You didn't think I'd actually FORGET about her and let you keep her now, did you?
       CARLY:  Why should Sonny and I hand over his precious daughter to a mother who's in bed with GUN RUNNERS?
    

       ALEXIS & JULIAN'S HOUSE

      SONNY:  'Fess up, Krissy.   Tell Daddy why you got booted from school.   
      KRISTINA:  Go mobster on me much, Dad?   What, did you have one of your goons beat up the dean?  
      SONNY:  Do you KNOW how much ill-gotten coin I've poured into that school so that you could further your education?   Do you KNOW how much coffee I had to pretend to sell? 
      KRISTINA:  FINE!  I broke up with my boyfriend, forgot to go to class for an entire semester and propositioned my prof, who I guess just wasn't that into me.   I was STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID!!!!    
      SONNY:  You are a disappointment to the Corinthos name. 
      MOLLY:  Hello pot, meet kettle, Uncle Sonny.   You're in the MOB!   My sister just got suspended from school.  A little perspective here!  


       HOSPITAL

       FRANCO:  I would totally suck as a dad.
       DR. OBRECHT:   Vy do you sink zat, Franco?   Ze poor, disturbed kinder in Art Serapy aah very fond of you. 
       FRANCO:  That's because I let them finger paint even after their 45 minutes are up.  I can't let my own kid spend his whole life finger painting.   He has to learn to do other stuff like walking, eating, tying his shoes, learning German so you can babysit...

       OLIVIA:  Help me, Dr. O.  I'm due in court to defend my right to give my kid the boob in public and I've broken out in hives!
       DR. OBRECHT:  You go in ze exam room.  I'll take ze baby to ze nursery. 

       DR. OBRECHT:  Heah, Franco.  Zis is a test to show how good a fozzer you vill be.  Vatch zis baby.
       FRANCO:  What the???  
       DR. OBRECHT:  Good luck viss Baby Layo.   (leaves)
       FRANCO:  Layo?  I thought his name was Leo. 

     
      JASON'S NEW PLACE

       SAM:  How the hell did you get these pictures back?
       JASON: Your asking the guy with the crappy memory here. 
       SAM:  I love you and your crappy memory.  Can I have a divorce?
       JASON:  Say WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT????


       CRIMSON OFFICE

     JULIAN:  Arthur The Printer said that Unbound Crimson was a mistake.  Good luck with this issue.  I'm pulling the plug.   (leaves)
     NINA:  I have the CRAZIEST idea!   A Do-It-Yourself Crimson contest!   We'll drop the pages from PLANES and the first 15 people to put Crimson together get to have THEIR boobs on the cover of the next issue.   And a thousand bucks.   It's raining Crimson!   Hallelujah, it's raining Crimson!
     DILLON:  You do have a history of being in the looney bin, if I recall correctly...
     MAXIE:  Well, it WOULD be the most fashionable monsoon ever. 

   
       HOSPITAL

       FRANCO:  You know, kid, this conversation would be a whole lot more fun if you'd chime in with your thoughts. 
       BABY UNCLE LEO:  (Translated from Baby) Dude, do you know you have a piece of hair hanging in your face?   It's really distracting. 
       FRANCO:  Fine, be that way.  (phone rings)  I gotta get this.  Sorry, kid.   (puts Leo in laundry cart) At least these towels smell fresh.   Don't go getting any ideas. 
       NINA:  (over phone)  Don't wait up for me.  I'll be dropping magazine pages out of planes. 
       FRANCO:  (over phone)  But I need to talk to you about what crappy conversationalists babies are. 

    
        CORINTHOS HOUSE

      CARLY:  Ava stopped by.   She wants her kid back. 
      SONNY:  Not. Gonna. Happen.

     
       HOSPITAL

     FRANCO:  Where's the kid?   CRAP, WHERE'S THE DAMN KID????    Did some idiot take him to the laundry and put him in the washing machine?   I hope they set the thing to delicate. 
  

      ALEXIS & JULIAN'S HOUSE

    KRISTINA:  I'm SO not going back to school now.   I need a lie down.
    ALEXIS:  Look at the time.  I have to go kick some Lomax ass and become a feminist icon. 

  
     HOSPITAL

      OBRECHT:  How could you lose a baby, Franco?  A nurse found him in ze laundry cart and took him to ze nursery.   You failed ze test, Franco. 
      FRANCO:  What a relief.  I was afraid the kid would be in the spin cycle by now.

      AVA:  Why is someone sending Kiki a creepy black rose?
      JULIAN:  I don't know.  Ask your goons.   I think they were hoping to get a free assault rifle for their efforts and feel gypped.  
      

 
     JASON'S NEW PLACE

     SAM:  We need to start over and leave Jason and Sam's Marriage version 1.0 behind. 
     JASON:  Whew!  And here I thought your REALLY HATED those pictures.