Infestation

     Tracy has WORMS in her brain!  WORMS!!!!   So says Dr. Hamilton "Not Silas Clay" Finn.   Hayden is VERY curious about The Helena Painting.  Hells Bells was the topic of conversation in pretty much every scene that didn't involve brain worms or trying to get preggers.  Jason and Liz discussed The Creepy Book.  Nikolas and Alexis discussed The Death Dagger and The Helena Painting.   Then there was Sam floating the name Naomi Dreyfus in front of Hayden, which had nothing to do with Helena except for taking place a room away from The Helena Painting.

     HOSPITAL

    DR. FINN:  Hey, nurse, can you feed my lizard?   I have his crickets right here.
    LIZ:  OMG!   Why does the ghost of Silas Clay have a LIZARD?
    DR. FINN:  Her name's Roxy and she's feeling a bit peckish, so try to get some crickets in her gut before too long.  See you around.

    DR. OBRECHT:  Nina, vat aah you doing here in zis hospital.  Aah you ill?
    NINA:  I'm fine, Auntie Liesl.  Just trying to put a bun in my oven.  Britt told me my eggs were fried, but I'm getting a second opinion.
    DR. OBRECHT:  My Britta is a brilliant doctor, Nina!   If she told you your eggs vere fried, zen your eggs are fried.
   NINA:  We'll see about that.

 
  KELLY'S

   ALEXIS:  Congratulations, Jason and Sam.  You are officially the happiest divorced couple I have ever seen.
   SAM:  Don't think of it so much as a divorce as a do-over.   Jason and I want to start fresh.
   FRANCO:  Hey Jason, did Elizabeth show you The Creepy Book?
   JASON:  WHAT creepy book?
   FRANCO:  THE Creepy Book that Nikolas's even-scarier-than-me grandmother gave Elizabeth in her multimedia will reading.  I have to give her props for the multimedia part.  That was a page outta MY book.
   JASON:  Sorry, Franco, but Sam and I were too busy getting a happy divorce for me to read creepy books written by the woman who had a brainwashing chip implanted in my head.


  WYNDEMERE

   HAYDEN:  I can't stop looking at your grandmother's portrait.  It's like one of those Magic Eye pictures.  If you stare at it long enough, something will pop out at you.
  NIKOLAS:  This is my diabolical, curse-spewing grandmother, Hayden.  I'm not sure you WANT to know what pops out at you.
   HAYDEN:  But I'm SO CURIOUS!  Lemme get the magnifying glass!
   HELENA PAINTING:  My darling Nikolas, who is this most intriguing peasant you call your wife?

  TRACY'S HOSPITAL ROOM

   DR. FINN:  Ms. Quartermaine, it appears you are suffering from a larval infestation in your cerebral cortex.
   TRACY:  Larval?  Do you mean to tell me I have WORMS in my brain?
   DR. FINN:  I'm pleased to know they haven't eaten the part of your brain that can put two and two together.
   DR. OBRECHT:  Vat is zis ghost of Silas Clay doing in my hospital? 
   MONICA:  He's here to de-worm Tracy's brain.
   DR. FINN:  That's one way of putting it. 
   DR. OBRECHT:  Doctor Feen, you have no privileges in zis hospital.   You aah not permitted to remove ze vorms from ANYBODY'S brain.   Do you heah me? 
   TRACY:  Maybe Dr. Finn needs to remove worms from YOUR brain, Dr. Obrecht because you seem to have forgotten who PAYS for "ZIS HOSPITAL".
   DR. OBRECHT:  I vill NOT be mocked by patients viss vorms crawling around in zere brains!  

 
   HOSPITAL

  DR. OBRECHT:  Franco, vat is zat you have in zat bag?
  FRANCO:  Real food, Liesl.   No offense, but your NutriGruel just isn't cutting it with my fake daughter.
  DR. OBRECHT:  Zat food is contraband, Franco!   Ve do not allow vat you call "real food" in zis hospital.   Howevah, I am delighted to heah zat you remembered vat a vunderbar fozzer you vill be.
  FRANCO:  Say WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?
  DR. OBRECHT:  I ran into Nina on her way to see Dr. Lee in order to, how she said it, "put a bun in her oven".  

 
  DR. LEE'S OFFICE

   DR. LEE:  Ms. Reeves, I've reviewed Dr. Westbourne's notes and I agree with her diagnosis.  I'm afraid the coma scrambled your eggs and sent your into menopause.
   NINA:  Dr. Lee, do I need to remind you that the doctor who made that diagnosis stole an embryo, incubated it in her ute and passed it off as her kid for the first six months of its life?   I'm here for a second opinion.  One that comes from a doctor who hasn't stolen any embryos.   If you help put a baby in my belly, I'll put you on the cover of the next Crimson.  You could go viral, Dr. Lee. VIRAL!
  DR. LEE:  I work in a hospital.  The last thing I want to go is viral.  However, I'll do another exam and give you a second opinion as long as you get that it may be the same as the first opinion. 
  FRANCO:  Am I interrupting anything?
  DR. LEE:  Ever hear of knocking?
  NINA:  That's okay, doctor.  He's my...Franco.   He can come in. 


  HOSPITAL

   JASON:  So what's this book Franco was telling me about?  Some creepy book written by Helena about Jake.
  LIZ:  Oh, THAT book.   Sorry I didn't tell you about it.  I was blocking it out. 
  JASON:  How come Franco knew about it before me?
  LIZ:  I put it in the locker room where ANYONE could see it but our kid. 
  JASON:  I don't trust Franco as far as I can throw him.   Why are you letting him within 500 feet of our kid?
  LIZ:  Because Jake likes Franco for some weird reason that may or may not have to do with Franco buying him a bike. 


 WYNDEMERE

  SAM:  Is cousin Nikolas here?
  HAYDEN:  What's it to you?
  SAM:  Does the name Naomi Dreyfus ring a bell?
  HAYDEN:  Who the hell is Naomi Dreyfus?
  SAM:  I don't know, Hayden.  You tell me.  Is it just me or is your nose getting a little longer?
  HAYDEN:  I am SO telling Nikolas on you!   Get lost and let me get back to trying to figure out that Helena painting.   Don't let the door hit you on the way out.


 KELLY'S

  ALEXIS:  For some reason, Nikolas, I can't bring myself to throw The Death Dagger away.
  NIKOLAS:  Tell me about it.   I've got a painting of my twisted grandmother that Spencer loves and my wife won't leave alone.  
  ALEXIS:  You know we're both playing into her mind games by keeping her morbid trinkets, don't you?
  NIKOLAS:  Think of it as Helena's one last trainwreck.   You just can't look away. 


 DR. LEE'S OFFICE

  FRANCO:  What part of "I don't want to be a father" do you not understand?
  NINA:  But...but...I wanna have a BABY!   What made you change your mind from "I'll think about it"?
  FRANCO:  I almost had a baby put in a washing machine, that's what!   Your auntie Liesl let me watch Olivia's baby and when I had to answer my phone to talk to YOU, I dropped the kid into the laundry cart. 
  NINA:  What happened to him?
  FRANCO:  He got rescued by Liesl and Olivia never knew I laid a hand on him. 
  NINA:  See?   We'd be GREAT parents, Franco!   All you have to do is give us a chance. 
  FRANCO:  But...but...aren't you too busy dropping fashion magazines out of planes to deal with 2 a.m. feedings and diaper changes?   I'm far too busy being fake dad to Kiki and art therapist to highly disturbed kids and adults to worry about my own kid.   For all I know, I'd leave the finger paint out for our kid to eat and he'll die.