Beware The Ides of March!

     This is the March 15 show airing a day later because of last Friday's Nancy Reagan funeral pre-emption.   Maxie is freaking because she knows something bad is about to happen to the new Crimson issue.  Nina's jealous that Franco snuck off to Philly to see Liz and Jake.  Epiphany thinks Liz and Franco are a thing.  Sonny questions Kristina about her school situation.   Alexis gets ready for her day in court.   Things are going great for Jason and Sam until something arrives for his new home that shakes Sam up.  

     CRIMSON OFFICE

     DILLON:  I brought us some bubbles to celebrate the Real Women and Boobs issue of Crimson. 
     MAXIE: Beware the Ides of March!
     DILLON:  Paranoid much?
     MAXIE:  BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH!!!!  It's the 15th.  God or Jesus or somebody said that March 15th is like Friday the 13th on steroids.   What if the new issue is in Chinese, or Russian?  What if it's BLUE???  


      HOSPITAL LOCKER ROOM

     FRANCO:  (reading the book Helena gave Liz) And the old woman said to Jake, "Go forth into a world full of tedious simpletons who engage in such plebeian entertainment.   Never tell a single unfortunate soul what the Grand Empress has done for you and never let her grand deeds take leave from your memory."   Who WRITES this stuff? 
    NINA:  Hello?  Franco?   Why won't you LISTEN to me give you the silent treatment? 
    FRANCO:  Read any good books lately? 
    NINA:  Why did you haul ass to Philly at a moment's notice to go visit Elizabeth and Jake? 
    FRANCO:  DUH!  Because Jake needed a new bike and it was too expensive to ship FedEx.  

    
      HOSPITAL

      EPIPHANY:  So what's this about you and Franco? 
      LIZ:  There is no me and Franco, Epiphany.  He's Jake's best friend/art therapist.  That's all.
      EPIPHANY:  Uh huh.  
     
    
     ALEXIS & JULIAN'S HOUSE

     MOLLY:  Mom, you're the COOLEST FEMINIST EVER!  
     ALEXIS:  Aw, Jules!  She thinks I'm a cool feminist!   Let's go up and have more morning sex! 
     MOLLY:  Can't unhear that!  Thanks, Mom.  

    
     SONNY'S HOUSE

     KRISTINA: Hi Dad!   How's Morgan?   Has he settled into the looney bin?
     SONNY:  I prefer to call it the House of Healing, but he's doin' better now that he woke Kiki up.  
     KRISTINA:  Have you two compared bipolar meds yet? 
     SONNY:  So, how is your independent study thing that makes no sense to me whatsoever? 
     KRISTINA:  I'm studying very independently.  
     SONNY:  Then how come this Parker is showin' up in Port Chuckles?   


     JASON'S NEW PLACE

     SAM:  Nice new digs.   So is the motorcycle your bed or your sofa?  
     JASON:  Ha ha!   I see you bought my tombstone with me.   It will look great over the mantle.  
   

     CRIMSON OFFICE

     MAXIE:  Well, it's not green or blue and it's in English.   Does it look a little thin to you?  
     DILLON:  No sweat.  The other pages are all here.   Look at all these boxes!   Here's Anna.  Here's Epiphany.  Look, there YOU are!   At least the pages are all here. 
    MAXIE:  What are we supposed to do?   Punch holes in all the pages and bind the issue with string???    WE ARE SO SCREWED!!!!! 
   NINA:  Is it in yet?   Where is it? 
   MAXIE:  Here.  And here.  And over there.   It's ALL OVER THIS FRIGGIN' OFFICE!   SOME. ASSEMBLY.  REQUIRED. 
   NINA:  Say WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT????
   MAXIE:  BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH, I said, but Dillon poo-poohed me.



   HOSPITAL

   LIZ:  Hands off the book, Franco.  We are NOT friends!
   FRANCO:  But we were getting along so well.  Two pariahs in a pod, remember?  
   LIZ:  You are SO not Jake's art therapist anymore.  You're FIRED!!!

  
   ALEXIS & JULIAN'S HOUSE

   MOLLY:  Kristina, you need to tell Mom about Parker because she's 2 seconds away from lawyering it out of me. 
   KRISTINA:  What am I supposed to say?  I got kicked out of school for propositioning a professor and oh, by the way, I'm gay. 
  MOLLY:  That's a start.   You KNOW how liberal mom is.  She'll be totally cool with the gay thing.  
  KRISTINA:  And Dad?  Besides, I'm only about like 10% gay.   Think of all the guys I've been with!   Parker's my only venture into The Land of Gay.  

   
   CRIMSON OFFICE

   NINA:  Julian, can we PLEASE have money for a reprint?  
   JULIAN:  Hell to the NO!   Just spin it to readers as a scavenger hunt.   Give them clues to find the rest of the pages.   How fun is that? 
   MAXIE:  I smell sabotage.   First it's all green.  Now it's all...over the place.  BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH!!!! 

  
  JASON'S NEW PLACE

   SAM:  Where have I seen these pictures before?   OMG, you TOTALLY bought back YOUR OWN artwork!   That's kinda creepy. 
   JASON:  I made artwork?   I don't remember being artistic.  

  
  HOSPITAL

  FRANCO:  Good luck telling Jake he can't be my BFF anymore.   Besides, once he reads The Creepy Book, he's going to need my art therapy more than ever.  
  LIZ:  FINE, dammit!   I'll let you help him but we are NOT friends!   NEVER, EVER, EVER!  


 ALEXIS & JULIAN'S HOUSE

   SONNY:  Kristina, you can run but you can't hide from Daddy.  Daddy sent his favorite goon Max to do some homework on your "independent study".   You've got some 'splainin' to do, young lady.