Hammer Time

      Julian meets with the Jerome organization's top goon.  Kristina comes out to Alexis, but doesn't get the reaction she expected.  Carly, Josslyn, & Avery visit Morgan at the Freedman Clinic.   Sonny's ready to deal with the Carrrrrrrrrlos situation.   Ava visits Kiki, who asks a huge favor of her mama.   Franco's shocked that his old man's shacking up with Ava.  

     
     AVA'S PENTHOUSE

       AVA:  (pours water on Scott) Wakey wakey, Service Hedgehog!   Since when do hedgehogs snore like a freight train? 
      SCOTT:  This whole Service Hedgehog was your idea, not mine.   You wanted me here to protect you from your own goons. 
      AVA:  Some protection you'd be.  World War III could break out in Port Chuckles and you'd sleep right through it.  

  
      ALEXIS & JULIAN'S PLACE

    JULIAN:  What's Carrrrrrrrrrrrrlos doing alive?   And in this century?   Last I heard, he was time-traveling to California in 1970 to give Don Draper spiritual guidance.  
   ALEXIS:  OMG!  You're SCREWED!  
   JULIAN:  Tell me something I don't know.  


     FREEDMAN CLINIC

    MORGAN:  I've lost all my feels, Michael.   They're all gone because of the meds.  Don't even get me started on Little Morgan.   In fact, Little Morgan could fall off in the middle of the night and I wouldn't care. 
    MICHAEL:  Don't be all depressed on me, Morgan.   You're in here to get your head screwed on straight so you won't go wabbit hunting in the middle of a gun deal Dad's trying to bust up. 
   MORGAN:  I said I had NO FEELS.  Depression is a feel.  Therefore, I am not depressed, Mikey.  Just devoid of any feels whatsoever. 

  
   SONNY'S HOUSE

    CARLY:  What were you kibitzing with Anna about?   And why did she not arrest you for existing? 
    SONNY:  Remember how Duke used to work for me before Julian had Carrrrrrrrrrrrrlos gun him down?   Anna hates Julian.  I hate Julian.   We have a common enemy.   Carrrrrrrrrrrrrrlos is just there to be the hammer.  
    CARLY:  You mean the Service Snitch? 
    SONNY:  Somethin' like that.  
    JOSSLYN:  I'm kinda freaked out about going to a looney bin.   Uncle Sonny, what's it like there? 
    SONNY:  As long as you're completely sane, there's nothin' to worry about.   You still obsessed with corn, by the way?  


   AVA'S PENTHOUSE

   JULIAN:  You have company.   Since when do lawyers and clients have sleepovers?  
   SCOTT:  Since this lawyer has become a Service Hedgehog, that's when. 
   AVA:  I can explain, as soon as I tell my Service Hedgehog to get lost.  
   SCOTT:  I can take a hint.  Later, roomie!  
   AVA: What?  I need protection from my goons!   
   JULIAN:  About that, I'm gonna hash things out with Hammer and tell him to stop hassling my sister, among other things.  


   KIKI'S HOSPITAL ROOM

   KIKI:  What's with the sneaks?   And where's Morgan? 
   FRANCO:  The sneaks are for you, Keeks!   For when you jog on out of this joint.   If you don't like the color or the arch support, I kept the receipt. 
   KIKI:  What about Morgan?   He's the one who woke me up from my coma, but he's been totally AWOL since then. 
   FRANCO:  About that...Morgan's in a place where he can get his head screwed on straight.   I'm living proof that those places work, right? 
   KIKI:  You mean he's in the looney bin? 
   FRANCO:  The technical term is mental hospital, but yeah.   He's bad news, Kiki.   Really bad news, and this is coming from ME, of all people.


   FREEDMAN CLINIC

   JOSSLYN:  Hi Morgan!  Brought you some comic books.  
   MORGAN:  Um, okay, thanks.  Gotta warn you, the comic book loving feels aren't quite there because of the meds and all, but yeah, it's cool.  I think.  
   CARLY:  Look who I brought!
   MORGAN:  Hey, Avery!  You're HUGE now!  What are they feeding you?   Sorry.  Even cute babies aren't doin' it for me with these anti-feel meds they're pumpin' into my brain.  
    CARLY:  Chin up, Morgan.  The feels will come back!   Your dad's feels did.   They've just got to figure out how much of these pills and how much of those you need to bring them back without them going berserk on you and causing you to mistake mobsters for "wabbits".  


   ALEXIS & JULIAN'S HOUSE

   KRISTINA:  So here's the deal, Mom.  You know that Parker chick who came here awhile back?   She's the prof that I wanted to have sex with.   So basically, I'm telling you I'm at the VERY LEAST 10% gay.  Parker thinks that percentage could be way higher.  
  ALEXIS:  Aw, Krissy, you're just confused because Kiefer abused you and Trey Mitchell croaked on you and your prof is planting ideas in your head.  
  KRISTINA:  Say WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT????    Have you gone bible-thumping CONSERVATIVE on me, Mom?   What happened to the boob flashing kick-ass feminist attorney I saw in court the other day?  
  ALEXIS:  It's just that you're too YOUNG to know what percent gay you are.   College is a time of MASSIVE CONFUSION!  
  KRISTINA:  And here I thought telling my mobster dad would be hard.   Way to be enlightened, MOM!
 

   KIKI'S HOSPITAL ROOM

   KIKI:  Mom, if you loved me, you would take me to see Morgan.
   AVA:  But...but...what if you forgot how to walk???
   KIKI:  I will suspend ALL pretense of vanity and take a WALKER with me.  
   AVA:  FINE!   At least it will get me further away from my goons.  Let's go.  


    AVA'S PENTHOUSE

    JULIAN:  Hammer, you have to lay off my little sis.  She's gotten so paranoid she hired a service hedgehog who can sleep through an earthquake. 
    HAMMER:  Tell your sister to take a chill pill and join back up with us, Julian.   What's a Jerome organization without Jeromes? 
    JULIAN:  But my wife made me promise to stay mob free.
    HAMMER:  What she don't know won't hurt her.  Ever heard of being a silent partner?

   
   KELLY'S

   FRANCO:  Since when do you shack up with AVA, Pops?  
   SCOTT:  Since she needs a service hedgehog to protect her from her own goons.  
   FRANCO:  Makes sense.  
   SCOTT:  How are you and Nina?  
   FRANCO:  She wants me to have her kid.   I don't want to spread my crazy DNA to the next generation.   Could this be the end of us?
   SCOTT:  Maybe...

 
    FREEDMAN CLINIC

    MORGAN:  Kiki?   Wow, I'm actually feeling a feel!  
    KIKI:  Hi Morgan!  I MADE my mom sneak me out of the hospital so I could see you.
    MORGAN:  I think you need to stay far far away from me.  It's for your own good.  
    KIKI:  Is this the thanks I get from coming all the way here IN A WALKER???

   
    SONNY'S HOUSE

    SONNY:  Look out for the women and children, Michael.  I gotta go deal with some bizness.
    MICHAEL:  What kind of business, Dad?
    SONNY:  If I tell you, son, I'll hafta kill you.