Flash Mob

      A flash mob is exactly what took place at in the courthouse when Alexis and Olivia thought they had lost the suit.   After a few random breastfeeding mamas off the street came in to nourish their wee ones, the shirts came off!   In the hospital, Tracy asks something big of Monica.  Doc Martin House (known on the show as Dr. Mayes) catches Brad and Griffin looking at Tracy's biopsy results.   Nina hires Curtis to investigate the possible sabotage at Crimson.   Dillon calls big brother Ned about their mom's mystery brain ailment.  

      COURTHOUSE

      JUDGE:  May I have your opening arguments?
      DIANE:  This lawsuit is STUPID!
     ALEXIS:  This lawsuit is FOR ALL WOMEN WHO HAVE BOOBS AND BABIES! 
     MAYOR LOMAX:  PFFFFFFFFFFFFT!  (major eyeroll)
     OLIVIA:  You GO, wife of my baby daddy!  

   
     CRIMSON OFFICE
 
      VALERIE:  Jeez, Dante, stalk me much?
      DANTE:  Jeez, Val, do you have to be in every friggin' place I need to arrest someone?  
      MAXIE:  Who are you arresting?
      DANTE:  You.  And Nina.  For mass littering.  
      MAXIE:  Hello?   We hired a cleanup crew.   If they didn't clean up, go arrest THEM!
      NINA:  I think we've been sabotaged.  
      CURTIS:  Smell a rat?  I'm your man!  
      NINA:  You're an exterminator?  
      CURTIS:  Ha ha!   I'm an ex-cop P.I., that's who I am.  
      MAXIE:  Why are you not a cop anymore.
      CURTIS:  Cuz I don't like rules.   Never have.  Never will.  
      NINA:  Fair enough.  If you think you can find who made our magazines green and unassembled, you're hired.  


      HOSPITAL

      TRACY:  Monica, if I become a vegetable, will you pull the plug?  
      MONICA:  Tracy, Tracy, Tracy, do you ALWAYS have to be so MELODRAMATIC???
      TRACY:  Ever heard of a health care directive, Dr. Quartermaine?   All you have to do is sign a paper that says that if my brain turns to mush, you will pull the goddamn plug so I can go to the great ELQ boardroom in the sky!

      DILLON:  (over phone) Ned, get your ass to Port Chuckles!  Mom's got weird stuff in her brain and I'm afraid she's at death's door.  
   
      BRAD:  Ask and you shall receive.   Tracy's biopsy is in this here folder.  Take a look-see.
     GRIFFIN:  I don't see cancer, but something looks like it could be a funky Mexican amoeba.  
    

     COURTHOUSE

     ALEXIS: Where were you on January 19th?
     OLIVIA:  After ensuring that my infant son Leo knew how to salute the sun, I went to chat with the mayor at MY restaurant.   Then my baby got seriously HANGRY and I had to feed him.  

     MAYOR LOMAX:  MIZZ Falconeri proceeded to FLASH ME THE BOOB right in the middle of BUSINESS MEETING!   Inappropriate much?  

     OLIVIA:  My son needed nourishment, so I whipped out Mother Nature's bottle and gave him the vital nutrients he needed to survive.   He's too young to order off the menu, Your Honor.  For one, he can't read yet. 
 
    MAYOR LOMAX:  Then, MIZZ Falconeri boob-bumped me and knocked a table over.   Who DOES that to the friggin' MAYOR?  

    ALEXIS:  Breastfeeding is legal.   My client should not have been subject to BOOB-SHAMING  for doing something completely legal IN HER OWN RESTAURANT. 

    DIANE:  Maybe, but boob-shaming is also legal.  First Amendment. 
   
   
    HOSPITAL

    DILLON:  I'm really worried about Mom, Aunt Monica.  I don't want her to die of some mysterious brain disease.
    MONICA:  We're going to do everything we can here, Dillon, because, despite the many times I've secretly plotted her demise, I don't want her to die of some mysterious brain disease either. 
    TRACY:  O to the MG, Monica, GET THE HELL AWAY FROM NED!!!  
    DILLON:  Has stress and lack of sleep made me look THAT much older?   I'm Dillon, Mom.   Ned's still in Salem, or wherever.  
    MONICA:  You win, Tracy.  I'll pull the plug.  

    DOC MARTIN HOUSE:  Munro, Cooper, consider yourselves BUSTED!    I see you getting all handsy with Tracy's biopsy results!  Have fun updating your resumes.  

 
     CRIMSON OFFICE

      VALERIE:  Curtis, why does Jordan hate you so much?  
      CURTIS:  We worked at the DEA together and didn't get along. 
      VALERIE:  Apparently not.  

   
   COURTHOUSE

      DIANE:  So what did your people say happened on the day in question? 
      CARLY:  Objection!  Hearsay!
      DIANE:  Who's the lawyer here, Mrs. Corinthos?   ME!   Who gets to ask the questions, Mrs. Corinthos?  ME!  Who has to answer the questions, Mrs. Corinthos?  YOU!  Got it?   
     CARLY:  MY PEOPLE told me that Olivia yelled at the mayor and flipped a table.  Sorry, Liv. 
   
       JORDAN:  Yes, breastfeeding in public is legal. 
      ALEXIS:  So what's a breastfeeding mother to do when someone, such as a mayor of a small soap opera town, tries to stop her from legally nourishing her infant?  
      JORDAN:  You got me there.  

    
    TRACY'S HOSPITAL ROOM

    DOC MARTIN HOUSE:  You don't have cancer, Ms. Quartermaine.  
    TRACY:  Then what DO I have?  What has taken up residence IN MY BRAIN?  
   DOC MARTIN HOUSE:  Beats me.  
   TRACY:  Great!   My doctor has NO CLUE what's worming its way through my head space!

  
   HOSPITAL

   BRAD:  Ha ha ha ha ha!   Dr. Evil is wrong!   He was SO SURE Tracy Q had cancer.  
   GRIFFIN:  Maybe my Mexican amoeba theory has legs.  
   DOC MARTIN HOUSE:  Munro, for some reason, my patient wants to talk to you.   Probably because some mysterious entity is eating her brain.  

  
   TRACY'S HOSPITAL ROOM

   GRIFFIN:  So, Ms. Quartermaine, have you traveled to any exotic locales lately, like, for instance, Mexico? 
    TRACY:  Funny you should mention Mexico.   I ran into one of my dastardly exes there, one Larry Ashton.   He plied me with liquor, then gave me some weird street food.   I'd never seen tacos that color before.  
   GRIFFIN:  Whatever it is that was in the off-color tacos is what's eating your brain, Ms. Quartermaine.  
   DILLON:  What is it, doc?  
   GRIFFIN:  Good question, Dillon.  We need an infectious disease specialist to figure this one out.  
   MONICA:  I know a guy.   He looks like another guy who was a doctor here a year ago, before his demented ex-mother-in-law stabbed him to death.   Oh, and he looks like a former member of the PCPD as well.  And a serial-killing vampire.   He just has one of those familiar faces.  

  
   COURTHOUSE

    JUDGE:  I understand what the plaintiff is saying about public breastfeeding and freedom from the shaming comments from government officials upon being exposed to a part of her anatomy essential to nourishing her child, but I fail to see the point of this lawsuit
   CARLY:  About that...(starts escorting breastfeeding mothers into the courtroom. 
   JUDGE:  WHAT THE????? 
   MAYOR LOMAX:  INAPPROPRIATE!!!  INAPPROPRIATE!!!   ALL YOU WOMEN ARE INAPPROPRIATE!!!!
   NINA:  I WANNA BREASTFEED MY OWN BABY, DAMMIT!  (rips her shirt off and flashes the judge) 
  MAXIE:  Go Nina!  Go Nina!  Go go go Nina!  (takes her own shirt off)
  CARLY:  What the hell!  (takes shirt off)
  OLIVIA:  This look familiar?  (takes shirt off)
  ALEXIS:  FREEDOM FOR WOMEN!  (takes shirt off)
  JUDGE:  What is this?  A FLASH MOB???    FINE, YOU WIN!!!  

  
  HOSPITAL

  MONICA:  Dr. Finn, would you mind showing your oh-so-familiar face in Port Chuckles?   My sister in law has a baffling taco parasite in her brain and you wrote the book on baffling taco parasites.  
  DR. FINN:  Sounds intriguing.  Do you mind if I bring my reptilian companion?