Foxy Roxy: Service Lizard

      Dr. Hamilton Finn, not to be confused with Silas Clay, John McBain, Caleb Morley, or Stephen Clay (or Michael Easton himself, for that matter!) is an intriguing new Port Chucklehead with a most unusual BFF:  A "service lizard" named Roxy, who dines on crickets and lettuce, prefers male company (except for Carly), and kicks ass at hide and seek.   This is the guy Monica brought in to remove the worms from Tracy's brain... 

      Over at Wyndemere, Liz overhears Hayden utter the name Naomi Dreyfus and Hayden is seeing red.  Laura, clutching The Key in her hands, tries to convince Nikolas to search for meaning in The Helena Painting.   Monica and Tracy threaten legal action against Obrecht.  Kristina and Sonny clear the air, but Krissy is still leaving out a very important piece of information about her professor.  

       DR. FINN'S METROCOURT ROOM

      MAID:  OMG!!!! IT'S A...IT'S A...IT'S A...I'M NEVER GOING IN THIS ROOM AGAIN!!!  
      CARLY:  I come bearing bubbles!   It's the least I could do after we got shut down for bogus health code violations.  Why is my maid screaming bloody murder?  
      DR. FINN:  She had a little run-in with Roxy, my service lizard. 
      CARLY:  Say WHAAAAAAAAAAT????   A service LIZARD????   What  did you do, kidnap the Geico Gecko? 
      DR. FINN:  You'll realize the absurdity of your comment once you meet her.   Don't look now, but she's right behind you and she's a bit of a misogynist.  
     

      WYNDEMERE

      HAYDEN:  Naomi Dreyfus, what have you been up to?  (types "Naomi Dreyfus" in the fake Port Chuckles search engine)  
      LIZ:  Naomi Dreyfus?  Who's she?  Am I supposed to know her? 
      HAYDEN:  Not if you know what's good for you.   Now go downtown and take the M Train to the YOB and make sure it's a one-way ticket.  
      LIZ:  You can't kick me out of here.  I'm Nikolas's bestie!  
      HAYDEN:  I'm his WIFE!   I give him Le Petit Mort.  He buys 6,000 thread count sheets for ME!   You're just here because your house exploded.   KABOOM!  

     
     HOSPITAL

     DR. OBRECHT:  I cannot allow zis Doctor Feen to practice medicine in zis hospital vissout ze proper paperwork.   I'm ze boss and I make ze rules.  
     TRACY:  And my family pays "ZE MONEY" to "ZIS HOSPITAL" so you can shove your leiderhosen where the sun don't shine!  
     DR. OBRECHT:  Aah you sreatening me, Ms. Quartermaine?  I do not take kindly to sreats. 
     MONICA:  Threats wouldn't be necessary if your put aside your lust for bureaucracy and let Dr. Finn treat his patient.  
    
   
    KELLY'S

    LAURA:  Aren't you the LEAST bit curious about The Helena Painting, Nikolas? 
    NIKOLAS:  NOPE!  
    LAURA:  Don't you want to know if there's some sort of hidden meaning in it? 
    NIKOLAS:  NOPE! 
    LAURA:  What do you think this key unlocks?   I've been holding it in my hand for three straight days.   I've even slept with it.  
    NIKOLAS:  Probably one of the 9,000 steamer trunks that have been gathering dust in the attic since the 19th century.   You might want to wear a mask if you go up there.  


    ALEXIS & JULIAN'S HOUSE

     SONNY:  Kristina, I'm sorry for goin' all Sonny Corinthos on you about your situation at school. 
     KRISTINA:  Thanks, Dad.  It's big of you to apologize, but I did screw the pooch by getting into this mess in the first place. 
     SONNY:  Your professor screwed the pooch even MORE by takin' advantage of you.  That's why I sicced Max on the school, to try and hunt down that professor and MAKE HIM PAY for gettin' you kicked out.  
    KRISTINA:  Say WHAAAAAAAT????   You sicked THE MOB on Wesleyan????  Bad idea, Dad.  I've been trying to shake the mob princess rap for, like, three years even if I was a totally different person then.   I got myself into this mess so let ME get myself OUT.   Call Max off, like, yesterday!
   SONNY:  If you want to call Max off, you're gonna have to do it YOURSELF because, you know, independence and all that.   

   
   HOSPITAL

    MONICA:  If you don't let Dr. Finn de-worm Tracy's brain because of bureaucratic red tape, you might as well have "Sue Me" tattooed on your forehead.  
    TRACY:  And sue you I will.  
    DR. OBRECHT:  Very vell.  If you aah going to play it like zat, I vill let ze man viss ze bearded dragon remove ze vorms from Ms. Quartermaine's brain.   Now if you vill excuse me, I have to inspect ze NutriGruel.   Someone in ze kitchen has been slacking off.  

   
    DR. FINN'S METROCOURT ROOM

    DR. FINN:  Come on, Roxy.  Eat your lettuce or you don't get any crickets for dessert. 
    ROXY:  Playing hardball, are we, Finn?   Are you gonna take away my iPad too?  
    DR. FINN:  Keep giving me lizard lip and I just might.  (phone rings) 
    MONICA:  (over phone) Dr. Finn, we got the Mad Teutonic off your back.  How's Roxy settling in? 
   DR. FINN:  As soon as I found the thermostat and set it to 85, she's as happy as a lizard can be.  I'll be right over to initiate the worm removal protocol.

 
    OUTSIDE KELLY'S

    CARLY:  How's Kristina?  
    SONNY:  Right as rain.  We made up.  How's business at the hotel?  
    CARLY:  Well, besides the fact that I met my first and probably last service lizard, who scarred my chambermaid for life, it's business as usual.  MetroCourt 1:  Battleax Lomax: Nada!  
    SONNY:  A lizard?   What the hell?  
    CARLY:  You have not met the newest doctor at GH yet.  It's so weird, he looks JUST like Silas Clay, who looked JUST like John McBain and that vampire guy.  How many dopplegangers can one man have?  

 
    WYNDEMERE

     LIZ:  Let me take a look-see at Hayden's search history.  Who IS this Naomi Dreyfus?