Obrecht is back! How I've missed her and that German accent! It appears that Silas doesn't have Crypt Baby either. But he does have Ava's Kevorkian drugs. Olivia is fed up with Julian's show of concern for her and the bun in her oven. Ned asks Michael to step down from ELQ and it's an understatement to say that didn't go well. Luke and Sonny clear the air. Beside herself with worry over Avery, Kiki regrets what she and Morgan did to Michael. Franco tries to reconcile with a distant Nina.
HOSPITAL
REPORTERS: Where's the damn baby, Dr. Obrecht? Who leaves a child unattended in an exam room? Do security cameras exist in this hospital?
LIESL: Ze answers vill be in ze press release.
SECRET GREEN ROOM OF DEATH
SILAS: Avery is missing? She was there when I left her alone in the exam room.
KIKI: (over the phone) Do you think your whackjob ex-wife took her?
SILAS: Nina? I'd like to think her crazy is cured.
KIKI: It could have been Michael. At least Morgan thinks so.
SILAS: Color me skeptical. He can't win back custody of her if he goes and kidnaps her.
KIKI: Then WHO HAS HER, Dad?
FRANCO & NINA'S SUITE
FRANCO: Nina, hop on the table. It's couples massage time!
NINA: But we're so not a couple. You don't trust me.
FRANCO: Sorry, Sven. Nina's not up for the shiatsu today. She's in a mood.
NINA: Screw you, Franco! You still think I took that baby.
METROCOURT
JULIAN: Any news on the baby front?
OLIVIA: Julian, how many times do I have to tell you (fingers crossed behind back) YOU'RE NOT THE FATHER. You're not my OB either, so nonnayadamnbizness.
JULIAN: I was talking about my niece, Olivia. It's not always about your bun in the oven.
OLIVIA: Avery? Half the town is looking for her. I guess the best thing about being preggers is that you always know where your baby is.
JULIAN: Rumor has it, one of your guests may have snatched her. One who has a history of snatching that very same baby. Does the name Nina Clay ring a bell?
OLIVIA: Again beating the Franco and Nina horse. Come on, Julian, don't you have any original material? Why don't you go somewhere away from me and think some up. This concern-trolling is getting really old.
JULIAN: Just don't sleep on those two going after your baby to get to Ned.
LUKE'S HOSPITAL ROOM
TRACY: So, your transfer to the funny farm has been arranged and you will get the help you so desperately need to remove Fluke from your brain once and for all.
LUKE: Okay, whatever.
SONNY: Luke, you rang?
TRACY: YOU asked Sonny here? You really don't have to be such a glutton for punishment, Luke.
Q MANSION
NED: Michael, you're sorta kinda fired as CEO of ELQ. At least temporarily.
MICHAEL: You're firing me because AJ got kidnapped?
NED: The drunken scene at the MetroCourt that had AJ removed from your custody didn't help.
ALEXIS: Here are the papers you need to sign, Michael.
MICHAEL: So who's going to be CEO now?
NED: That would be me.
MICHAEL: You backstabbing son of a bitch!
NED: It's for your own good, Michael. And for the good of the family and the business.
MICHAEL: Screw your papers! I'm NOT giving up my seat at the head of EL---AAAAATCHOO! Gotta take my allergy meds and have a good stiff drink.
NED: The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, I see.
MICHAEL: Screw all of you! I'm outta here. Who knows, maybe I'll run into the baby I supposedly kidnapped.
HOSPITAL
NATHAN: Things have certainly been eventful at this hospital, haven't they, Mom?
LIESL: Zose reporters are VULTURES! Make zem disappear, Nassan! Go arrest zem! Better yet, go find zat baby!
NATHAN: We are doing everything we can to bring Avery home safely. We have a few suspects.
LIESL: I hear one of zem is your sister Nina.
NATHAN: If it was Nina, she had to have had some help from her bonkers bestie with benefits Franco.
LIESL: Franco vouldn't do such a sing, Nassan!
NATHAN: Still crushing hard on that lunatic, are you mother?
LIESL: How about Silas Clay? He vas ze last person to see ze baby before she disappeared.
NATHAN: What's his motive? Besides, going vigilante on Silas is so 2014.
LIESL: You must at ze very least question him, Nassan. Ve need to find zis baby and get rid of zat vild beast Luke Spencer so zis hospital can have some peace.
LUKE'S HOSPITAL ROOM
LUKE: What's this about your daughter, Sonny? How many kids do you have these days anyway? I kinda lost count when I was letting that monster Fluke run things up in the ol' noggin.
SONNY: Avery is missing. She was kidnapped from this hospital.
LUKE: I want to assure you I didn't do it. Neither did Fluke. I'm sure she's a lovely baby but Fluke never had much use for infants. Anyway, I want to apologize for all the things I did to you while Fluke was in charge.
SONNY: What I don't get was why you went after me? I thought we were simpatico.
LUKE: We were. We go back a long way. Part of me, the part that ol' Fluke embodied, was always jealous of you and your power. You got to have your cake and eat it too. Me, I had to choose between my love for power and my love for Laura. Fluke got stuffed so deep inside of me, but he didn't care much for containment.
SONNY: Look, I respect you, man. This spill of guts, it's a good thing. You have to face Fluke head on and tell that son of a bitch that he ain't running your life.
LUKE: You respect me? You really respect me? Well, that does it. We're besties again!
SONNY: Damn straight we are.
SECRET GREEN ROOM OF DEATH
AVA: Is it Avery? Is she okay?
SILAS: Take a look-see. (shows Ava the pic of Avery on his phone)
AVA: She's already eating solid food at five months! She's on the fast track, just like her mama. Only I'm on the fast track to the morgue. Which reminds me, where are my death drugs?
SILAS: Ava, I'm still not cool with this.
AVA: But you brought them, right? You promised me.
SILAS: They're right here. (pulls two small vials out of his pocket)
AVA: Those two little itty bitty vials can do me in?
SILAS: It's strong stuff. Are you sure you want to go through with this?
METROCOURT
KIKI: I think I might have just realized how stupid me and Morgan are, Uncle Julian.
JULIAN: That's Morgan and I, and what do you mean by stupid?
KIKI: Our plotting and scheming put Avery in danger.
JULIAN: You think? On the other hand, Michael was out of control. It's not like he was safe over at Casa Quartermaine.
KIKI: Me and --Morgan and I drugged Michael.
FRANCO & NINA'S SUITE
NINA: I'm still pissed at you for not trusting me, Franco.
FRANCO: Look, Nina, I believe you didn't take the baby. What else do I need to do to un-piss you off?
NINA: I don't trust that you trust me. After Jay left, you asked me if I took that baby.
FRANCO: What if I told you that I have some shares of ELQ in my pocket thanks to one fake baby daddy Ned Ashton?
NINA: Why do I care about ELQ shares?
FRANCO: Because I'm EXTORTING them from Ned and I'm TRUSTING you to keep that secret. See? What more proof do I need that I trust you?
NINA: Still not convinced.
FRANCO: Have you ever seen the Q mansion? It's enormous. It's humongous.
NINA: Please, I was born into a rich family. I've seen my share of mansions.
FRANCO: If we get our hands on Q money, we won't even have to blackmail Olivia. We can do whatever the hell we want with all that dough.
Q MANSION
NED: So, how do we deal with our Michael problem?
TRACY: Any son of mine can outmaneuver a drunken twenty-something or is name is not Ned Ashton. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a husband to commit.
ALEXIS: Just keep your fingers crossed that we don't have to tangle with Helena.
OLIVIA: Alexis, fancy meeting you here. Can you get your obnoxious boyfriend off my back?
FRANCO: Hello, Qs. Am I late for the meeting where you hand me my ELQ shares?
FRANCO & NINA'S SUITE
OBRECHT: Nina, vere did you stash ze baby?
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Why Don't You Believe Me?
Michael and Nina are insulted by the lack of faith their cop siblings have in them. Ellie throws a monkey wrench into Maxie and Spinelli's rekindled relationship. Fluke taunts Luke, but Bobbie is able to convince Scott to get her brother psychiatric help instead of sending him to prison. Morgan tells Sonny & Carly that he thinks Michael took Avery while Kiki continues to insist that it was Nina.
HOSPITAL
MORGAN: News flash, Mom & Dad: Your Golden Boy ain't so golden anymore. He's a drunk who kidnapped a baby after he lost custody of her.
CARLY: Michael wouldn't do that. I just know he wouldn't because he can never do wrong.
SONNY: Your mother's right, Morgan. It couldn't have been Michael. It has to be one of my other enemies. There are a lot of people in this town who hate my guts.
KIKI: It was that PSYCHO BITCH Nina! She was here and she's kidnapped Avery before.
CARLY: That settles it. I'm going to go get in some faces. Namely, Franco's and Nina's.
FRANCO AND NINA'S SUITE
NATHAN: I know you're my sister-cousin and all, Nina, but you have to tell me the truth. Did you take that baby?
NINA: I don't believe this! My own brother still thinks I'm bonkers!
FRANCO: Well...
NINA: And so do YOU, Franco! I did NOT take that baby.
NATHAN: Don't make me regret taking your word, Nina. (LEAVES)
FRANCO: Okay, your brother-cousin-cop is gone. You can tell me what you did with that baby.
NINA: SCREW YOU, Franco! You don't trust me!
Q MANSION
DANTE: So did you do it, Michael? Do you have your little sister stashed somewhere in this house?
MICHAEL: You're actually asking me that? Your own BROTHER?
DANTE: So you're cool with me searching the place.
MICHAEL: Absolutely NOT! If you were really my brother, you would TRUST me that I didn't kidnap AJ.
DANTE: Just doing my job, Michael. I'm a COP, remember?
MICHAEL: You're wasting your time here.
LUKE'S HOSPITAL ROOM
LUKE: Fluke! Or should I call you Puke? Get lost you monstrous clone of Dear Old Dad.
FLUKE: No can do, Lukie boy. I can't get lost because I'M INSIDE OF YOU. BWAHAHAHAHA! I am the part of you who gets off on POWER!
LUKE: In case you've forgotten, Fluke, you're a figment of my imagination. I can make you disappear.
FLUKE: But you don't really want to do that, do you? You are THIRSTY for POWER and the ability to make people FEAR you. Just like our Daddy. When you whacked him with Ol' Louie, you were doomed to carry him inside you until the day you DIE.
LUKE: I've got news for you, Fluke. I'm facing what I did to my parents and I've got Tracy, Lulu, and Bobbie in my corner. You, you've got nobody but your dark, shriveled up soul. Take your tattoo and shove it where the sun don't shine. I'm through with you.
FLUKE: Good luck with that.
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
SPINELLI: Ellie? I am dumbfounded by your sudden appearance.
ELLIE: Damien, I have come to reunite with the adorably precocious Georgie. I received word that she was ill.
SPINELLI: Georgie recovered most expeditiously.
ELLIE: That is such a fortunate turn of events.
MAXIE: Ellie, what are you doing here? I thought you and Spinelli were history.
ELLIE: I am merely here to visit the delightful Georgie.
MAXIE: And to see Spinelli.
ELLIE: I realized I was egregiously unfair to Detective West.
MAXIE: Yeah, about him. I kinda just broke up with him. But first he broke up with me, then I got back together with Spinelli, then I broke up with him when he changed his mind about breaking up with me.
ELLIE: I see. Damien is merely your penultimate choice.
SPINELLI: Maximista and I have reunited because we were cosmically predestined to be together.
ELLIE: I'm afraid you are correct, Damien. I must depart.
FRANCO & NINA'S SUITE
CARLY: Out with it, Franco. Where's Avery?
FRANCO: Avery? Last I saw she was on Access Port Chuckles being knocked over in her stroller.
CARLY: I know you and Nina have her stashed somewhere. You two loonies kidnapped her before, so who else would have snatched her out of the hospital?
FRANCO: You know, Nina's cop brother-cousin couldn't find her anywhere in this suite, so you're barking up the wrong tree, Carly. No baby here. Go fish.
CARLY: If you're lying to me, your ass is going DOWN!
METROCOURT
BOBBIE: You know, Scott, I forgave you for trying to send my daughter to prison, but if you send Luke to the Big House instead of letting him get the help he needs, there will BE no more nightcaps.
SCOTT: But...but...he bit my ear!
BOBBIE: We both know it's not about the ear. It's about Laura.
SCOTT: You just had to push that button, didn't you? I've got work to do. A baby is missing from the hospital and your grandson may have taken him.
HOSPITAL
SONNY: Whoever took my daughter's gonna have to pay.
KIKI: It has to be Nina.
MORGAN: It has to be Michael.
CARLY: Franco and Nina have been put on notice.
Q MANSION
SABRINA: Michael, why didn't you let Dante search the house? You don't have AJ stashed somewhere, do you?
MICHAEL: Crap! Now YOU don't believe me either, Sabrina?
SABRINA: It was totally just kidding! I believe you!
LUKE'S HOSPITAL ROOM
BOBBIE: I have good news, Luke. Scott is not sending you to Pentonville. You will be getting your head examined instead.
LUKE: Oh, Barbara Jean, that is good news. Maybe the shrink can refer me to a brain surgeon to get Fluke permanently removed. He's really becoming a nuisance.
HOSPITAL
MORGAN: News flash, Mom & Dad: Your Golden Boy ain't so golden anymore. He's a drunk who kidnapped a baby after he lost custody of her.
CARLY: Michael wouldn't do that. I just know he wouldn't because he can never do wrong.
SONNY: Your mother's right, Morgan. It couldn't have been Michael. It has to be one of my other enemies. There are a lot of people in this town who hate my guts.
KIKI: It was that PSYCHO BITCH Nina! She was here and she's kidnapped Avery before.
CARLY: That settles it. I'm going to go get in some faces. Namely, Franco's and Nina's.
FRANCO AND NINA'S SUITE
NATHAN: I know you're my sister-cousin and all, Nina, but you have to tell me the truth. Did you take that baby?
NINA: I don't believe this! My own brother still thinks I'm bonkers!
FRANCO: Well...
NINA: And so do YOU, Franco! I did NOT take that baby.
NATHAN: Don't make me regret taking your word, Nina. (LEAVES)
FRANCO: Okay, your brother-cousin-cop is gone. You can tell me what you did with that baby.
NINA: SCREW YOU, Franco! You don't trust me!
Q MANSION
DANTE: So did you do it, Michael? Do you have your little sister stashed somewhere in this house?
MICHAEL: You're actually asking me that? Your own BROTHER?
DANTE: So you're cool with me searching the place.
MICHAEL: Absolutely NOT! If you were really my brother, you would TRUST me that I didn't kidnap AJ.
DANTE: Just doing my job, Michael. I'm a COP, remember?
MICHAEL: You're wasting your time here.
LUKE'S HOSPITAL ROOM
LUKE: Fluke! Or should I call you Puke? Get lost you monstrous clone of Dear Old Dad.
FLUKE: No can do, Lukie boy. I can't get lost because I'M INSIDE OF YOU. BWAHAHAHAHA! I am the part of you who gets off on POWER!
LUKE: In case you've forgotten, Fluke, you're a figment of my imagination. I can make you disappear.
FLUKE: But you don't really want to do that, do you? You are THIRSTY for POWER and the ability to make people FEAR you. Just like our Daddy. When you whacked him with Ol' Louie, you were doomed to carry him inside you until the day you DIE.
LUKE: I've got news for you, Fluke. I'm facing what I did to my parents and I've got Tracy, Lulu, and Bobbie in my corner. You, you've got nobody but your dark, shriveled up soul. Take your tattoo and shove it where the sun don't shine. I'm through with you.
FLUKE: Good luck with that.
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
SPINELLI: Ellie? I am dumbfounded by your sudden appearance.
ELLIE: Damien, I have come to reunite with the adorably precocious Georgie. I received word that she was ill.
SPINELLI: Georgie recovered most expeditiously.
ELLIE: That is such a fortunate turn of events.
MAXIE: Ellie, what are you doing here? I thought you and Spinelli were history.
ELLIE: I am merely here to visit the delightful Georgie.
MAXIE: And to see Spinelli.
ELLIE: I realized I was egregiously unfair to Detective West.
MAXIE: Yeah, about him. I kinda just broke up with him. But first he broke up with me, then I got back together with Spinelli, then I broke up with him when he changed his mind about breaking up with me.
ELLIE: I see. Damien is merely your penultimate choice.
SPINELLI: Maximista and I have reunited because we were cosmically predestined to be together.
ELLIE: I'm afraid you are correct, Damien. I must depart.
FRANCO & NINA'S SUITE
CARLY: Out with it, Franco. Where's Avery?
FRANCO: Avery? Last I saw she was on Access Port Chuckles being knocked over in her stroller.
CARLY: I know you and Nina have her stashed somewhere. You two loonies kidnapped her before, so who else would have snatched her out of the hospital?
FRANCO: You know, Nina's cop brother-cousin couldn't find her anywhere in this suite, so you're barking up the wrong tree, Carly. No baby here. Go fish.
CARLY: If you're lying to me, your ass is going DOWN!
METROCOURT
BOBBIE: You know, Scott, I forgave you for trying to send my daughter to prison, but if you send Luke to the Big House instead of letting him get the help he needs, there will BE no more nightcaps.
SCOTT: But...but...he bit my ear!
BOBBIE: We both know it's not about the ear. It's about Laura.
SCOTT: You just had to push that button, didn't you? I've got work to do. A baby is missing from the hospital and your grandson may have taken him.
HOSPITAL
SONNY: Whoever took my daughter's gonna have to pay.
KIKI: It has to be Nina.
MORGAN: It has to be Michael.
CARLY: Franco and Nina have been put on notice.
Q MANSION
SABRINA: Michael, why didn't you let Dante search the house? You don't have AJ stashed somewhere, do you?
MICHAEL: Crap! Now YOU don't believe me either, Sabrina?
SABRINA: It was totally just kidding! I believe you!
LUKE'S HOSPITAL ROOM
BOBBIE: I have good news, Luke. Scott is not sending you to Pentonville. You will be getting your head examined instead.
LUKE: Oh, Barbara Jean, that is good news. Maybe the shrink can refer me to a brain surgeon to get Fluke permanently removed. He's really becoming a nuisance.
Monday, April 13, 2015
Who The Hell Has Crypt Baby?
Both Nina and Michael returned to their respective living quarters sans Crypt Baby. Meanwhile, Shrieky Kiki is freaking out again because her little sis is missing. Social worker has no clue either. Meanwhile, Nathan is a day late and a dollar short with Maxie, when Spinelli informs him that he and Maxie are back together. Dante and Valerie bond and Dante introduces her to Rocco. Lulu has to give her dad bad news about his future. Sabrina brings up the possibility of a med switch and asks Felix to investigate. Scott warns Franco about Nina.
FRANCO'S HOTEL ROOM
SCOTT: Hey, son, you may want to steer clear of Nutty Nina. Two crazies do not a sane person make. Come live with me.
FRANCO: Nina's fine. She's playing a game of hide and seek at the moment, but the two of us like to channel our inner five-year-olds. It keeps us young.
SCOTT: And here I thought you enjoyed our father-son bonding in MetroCourt robes.
FRANCO: No offense, Pop, but Nina's better looking than you.
SCOTT: But where is she now?
NINA: Right here. I just went on a walkabout.
FRANCO: See, Pop? Just a game of hide and seek. Only she won. I've gotta step up my game.
NINA: It's nice to see you, Franco's daddy!
SCOTT: The feeling's mutual, Nina. How was your day? Do anything crazy?
LUKE'S HOSPITAL ROOM
LUKE: Where's Tracy?
LULU: She, Bobbie, and Diane are awaiting your fate.
LUKE: The nuthouse or the pokey. Which will it be.
LULU: Personally, I'm pulling for the nuthouse. Not that you're crazy, Dad, but you need help.
LUKE: I need to be punished, Cupcake. Besides, I have a history of fleeing the Casa de Cuckoo.
LULU: How can you get the help you need in prison?
LUKE: I think your cousin Valerie would agree than I belong in the clink.
LULU: I'm kinda super pissed at Valerie right now since she tried to kill you.
DANTE & LULU'S APARTMENT
VALERIE: Thank you again for stopping me from killing my uncle.
DANTE: You wouldn't have gone though with it.
VALERIE: I held a scalpel to his throat.
DANTE: It happens. Especially in this town. Ever meet the Cassadines?
VALERIE: Wow, you are like, really, totally understanding of me being two seconds away from murdering your father-in-law.
DANTE: Look, I love my wife and my wife's family, but I get what you were going through. My mother might be your typical overbearing Italian Catholic mother, but I would be flipping my lid something fierce if anything ever happened to her.
VALERIE: You're the awesomest of awesome, Dante. Do you think Lulu can forgive me?
HOSPITAL
KIKI: Like O TO THE MG! AVERY'S MISSING!
MORGAN: Yeah, she's kinda not where she's supposed to be. I bet Michael took her.
KIKI: My money's on Nutty Nina, the baby-stealing PSYCHO who called my mom a whore.
MORGAN: Nah, it's gotta be Mikey. He's been a little unstable since we drugged him.
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
NATHAN: Maxie, I made a mistake. We should get back together.
MAXIE: Um, Nathan, um...
SPINELLI: Greetings, Detective. What my rather flummoxed girlfriend is endeavoring to tell you is that we have since reunited.
NATHAN: Congrats, Maxie. I wish you all the happiness although my heart is breaking in two.
MAXIE: But we'll still hang out, right? I will kinda miss seeing those abs.
NATHAN: Sure, we'll hang out and I'll swallow the pain of seeing you and not being able to have you. (leaves)
SPINELLI: Well, that transpired splendidly Have you any conflicted emotions?
MAXIE: Of course not. I mean, I'm sorry I hurt Nathan, but I'm totally getting back together with you.
SPINELLI: Are you wholly certain?
MAXIE: I'll always have feelings for Nathan. You'll always have feelings for Ellie. C'est la vie.
HOSPITAL
NATHAN: Any idea who could have taken Avery?
KIKI: Yes, Your psycho sister Nina. She was here and she called my mom a whore.
DANTE: Morgan, do you have any leads?
MORGAN: It was Michael. He lost her and he's pissed, so of course he's going to try to kidnap her.
LUKE'S HOSPITAL ROOM
LULU: I'm so sorry, Dad, but the judge decided to send you to Pentonville. This is SO unfair.
LUKE: Relax, Cupcake. Your old man needs to answer for his crimes.
LULU: Don't you DARE give up on yourself, Daddy!
LUKE: Look, Cupcake, I appreciate that you love me and that you're keeping me company in my miserable condition, but don't you have a kid to raise? I think Rocco might have forgotten you exist.
LULU: You're right. I need to get home to Rocco so he remembers what I look like. Rumor has it there was as woman who used to call herself Lulu Spencer Falconeri before I got captured by the Cassadines. I don't want Rocco thinking she's his mommy.
DANTE & LULU'S APARTMENT
VALERIE: You're so lucky, Rocco. You have a really hot and really nice daddy who cares about you so much. I wouldn't know. I never met my father.
ROCCO: Now who are you again?
LULU: Step away from the kid, woman who almost killed my father.
VALERIE: Dante had to leave for work so I'm watching your kid. I'm sorry about the whole scalpel to your dad's throat thing.
LULU: I'm sorry for freaking out on you. I know you're still grieving your mom. By the way, just how close did you get to my husband?
Q MANSION
SABRINA: Felix, I thought I'd never see you again!
FELIX: Your boss has gone viral on the interwebs.
SABRINA: But he's really a nice guy.
FELIX: Who gets blind drunk around a baby.
SABRINA: He only mixed a little liquor with his allergy meds...unless someone pulled a switcheroo on his meds. I know a little bit about that, remember? I'm not mentioning any names, but there are people who would totally do that to Michael.
FELIX: I'll run these by Brad and see what's up.
MICHAEL: What's up?
SABRINA: Where were you, Michael?
MICHAEL: Just on a little walkabout.
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
SPINELLI (answering door): Ellie?
LUKE'S HOSPITAL ROOM
FLUKE: I'm BAAAAAAAAAACK!
FRANCO'S HOTEL ROOM
SCOTT: Hey, son, you may want to steer clear of Nutty Nina. Two crazies do not a sane person make. Come live with me.
FRANCO: Nina's fine. She's playing a game of hide and seek at the moment, but the two of us like to channel our inner five-year-olds. It keeps us young.
SCOTT: And here I thought you enjoyed our father-son bonding in MetroCourt robes.
FRANCO: No offense, Pop, but Nina's better looking than you.
SCOTT: But where is she now?
NINA: Right here. I just went on a walkabout.
FRANCO: See, Pop? Just a game of hide and seek. Only she won. I've gotta step up my game.
NINA: It's nice to see you, Franco's daddy!
SCOTT: The feeling's mutual, Nina. How was your day? Do anything crazy?
LUKE'S HOSPITAL ROOM
LUKE: Where's Tracy?
LULU: She, Bobbie, and Diane are awaiting your fate.
LUKE: The nuthouse or the pokey. Which will it be.
LULU: Personally, I'm pulling for the nuthouse. Not that you're crazy, Dad, but you need help.
LUKE: I need to be punished, Cupcake. Besides, I have a history of fleeing the Casa de Cuckoo.
LULU: How can you get the help you need in prison?
LUKE: I think your cousin Valerie would agree than I belong in the clink.
LULU: I'm kinda super pissed at Valerie right now since she tried to kill you.
DANTE & LULU'S APARTMENT
VALERIE: Thank you again for stopping me from killing my uncle.
DANTE: You wouldn't have gone though with it.
VALERIE: I held a scalpel to his throat.
DANTE: It happens. Especially in this town. Ever meet the Cassadines?
VALERIE: Wow, you are like, really, totally understanding of me being two seconds away from murdering your father-in-law.
DANTE: Look, I love my wife and my wife's family, but I get what you were going through. My mother might be your typical overbearing Italian Catholic mother, but I would be flipping my lid something fierce if anything ever happened to her.
VALERIE: You're the awesomest of awesome, Dante. Do you think Lulu can forgive me?
HOSPITAL
KIKI: Like O TO THE MG! AVERY'S MISSING!
MORGAN: Yeah, she's kinda not where she's supposed to be. I bet Michael took her.
KIKI: My money's on Nutty Nina, the baby-stealing PSYCHO who called my mom a whore.
MORGAN: Nah, it's gotta be Mikey. He's been a little unstable since we drugged him.
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
NATHAN: Maxie, I made a mistake. We should get back together.
MAXIE: Um, Nathan, um...
SPINELLI: Greetings, Detective. What my rather flummoxed girlfriend is endeavoring to tell you is that we have since reunited.
NATHAN: Congrats, Maxie. I wish you all the happiness although my heart is breaking in two.
MAXIE: But we'll still hang out, right? I will kinda miss seeing those abs.
NATHAN: Sure, we'll hang out and I'll swallow the pain of seeing you and not being able to have you. (leaves)
SPINELLI: Well, that transpired splendidly Have you any conflicted emotions?
MAXIE: Of course not. I mean, I'm sorry I hurt Nathan, but I'm totally getting back together with you.
SPINELLI: Are you wholly certain?
MAXIE: I'll always have feelings for Nathan. You'll always have feelings for Ellie. C'est la vie.
HOSPITAL
NATHAN: Any idea who could have taken Avery?
KIKI: Yes, Your psycho sister Nina. She was here and she called my mom a whore.
DANTE: Morgan, do you have any leads?
MORGAN: It was Michael. He lost her and he's pissed, so of course he's going to try to kidnap her.
LUKE'S HOSPITAL ROOM
LULU: I'm so sorry, Dad, but the judge decided to send you to Pentonville. This is SO unfair.
LUKE: Relax, Cupcake. Your old man needs to answer for his crimes.
LULU: Don't you DARE give up on yourself, Daddy!
LUKE: Look, Cupcake, I appreciate that you love me and that you're keeping me company in my miserable condition, but don't you have a kid to raise? I think Rocco might have forgotten you exist.
LULU: You're right. I need to get home to Rocco so he remembers what I look like. Rumor has it there was as woman who used to call herself Lulu Spencer Falconeri before I got captured by the Cassadines. I don't want Rocco thinking she's his mommy.
DANTE & LULU'S APARTMENT
VALERIE: You're so lucky, Rocco. You have a really hot and really nice daddy who cares about you so much. I wouldn't know. I never met my father.
ROCCO: Now who are you again?
LULU: Step away from the kid, woman who almost killed my father.
VALERIE: Dante had to leave for work so I'm watching your kid. I'm sorry about the whole scalpel to your dad's throat thing.
LULU: I'm sorry for freaking out on you. I know you're still grieving your mom. By the way, just how close did you get to my husband?
Q MANSION
SABRINA: Felix, I thought I'd never see you again!
FELIX: Your boss has gone viral on the interwebs.
SABRINA: But he's really a nice guy.
FELIX: Who gets blind drunk around a baby.
SABRINA: He only mixed a little liquor with his allergy meds...unless someone pulled a switcheroo on his meds. I know a little bit about that, remember? I'm not mentioning any names, but there are people who would totally do that to Michael.
FELIX: I'll run these by Brad and see what's up.
MICHAEL: What's up?
SABRINA: Where were you, Michael?
MICHAEL: Just on a little walkabout.
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
SPINELLI (answering door): Ellie?
LUKE'S HOSPITAL ROOM
FLUKE: I'm BAAAAAAAAAACK!
Friday, April 10, 2015
Don't Go There, Nina!
Is Nina back on the Wackadoo Express? Will Shrieky Kiki soon be joining her? Just as Maxie tells Spinelli she wants to get back together with him, Nathan shows up. Michael watches CPS take AJ and later disappears from the Q mansion. Franco extorts ELQ shares from Ned in exchange for his silence on Olivia's true baby daddy. Silas secures the Kevorkian meds from GH, then runs into Nina, Kiki, Morgan and Crypt Baby Avery/AJ. Julian confronts Olivia about Franco.
FRANCO & NINA'S SUITE
NED: Stop blackmailing Olivia.
FRANCO: You're gonna have to do better than that.
NED: How dare you take advantage of a pregnant woman!
FRANCO: Fair enough. I'll charge the room service to your card. Hand it over. No, I have a better idea. Gimme some ELQ shares.
NED: That's hilarious.
FRANCO: I missed that warm and fuzzy family feeling being a Q for 5 minutes gave me. ELQ shares or Julian gets the good news.
Q MANSION
MICHAEL: What are Morgan and Kiki doing here?
MORGAN: You didn't get the memo, Mikey? When CPS takes Avery away from YOU, they're going to give her back to KIKI.
SOCIAL WORKER: Not right away. We need to take her to the hospital to check her out first.
KIKI: But then I get to take my little sis home, right?
SOCIAL WORKER: While we evaluate the case yes.
MICHAEL: I still don't know how I could have gotten so drunk on so little booze.
SABRINA: There were the pills.
ALEXIS: Pills? You mixed booze and pills, Michael? No wonder--
MICHAEL: They were my allergy meds. I've taken them and had drinks before and nothing happened. I'm going down to the MetroCourt myself to see what's taking Ned so long
ALEXIS: Oh no you don't! I will go down to see Ned and maybe run into the hotness that is Julian.
HOSPITAL
NINA: Silas, I'm sorry I faked the wheelchair thing, made a revenge list, and went bonkers. Also, sorry about Ava. Sort of.
SILAS: Thank you, Nina.
NINA: Aw, look! Ava's baby!
KIKI: Stay away from my BABY SISTER you PSYCHO!
NINA: Sorry about your mom, Kiki. Sorry she's a homewrecking slut who ruined my life!
KIKI: You PSYCHO BITCH! (turns into a bull and gores Nina)
LUCAS: Hey, Nathan, how about me and Brad double date with you and Maxie?
NATHAN: Sorry, but Maxie and I are history.
LUCAS: Bummer! Maxie made you happy. Don't give up.
NATHAN: Thanks for the advice. Maybe I'll take it.
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
SPINELLI: So, Maximista, will we be resuming our romantic affections for one another or will the contrary prove true?
MAXIE: Georgie's socks are so cute!
SPINELLI: You are deflecting my endeavors to gather information from you.
MAXIE: I need to check my twitter feed.
SPINELLI: Are you endeavoring to further defer my line of questioning? That presents itself as a rhetorical question.
MAXIE: I'm scared of screwing things up again, Spinelli. When you chose Ellie over me, I got pregnant, lied about not only the baby daddy, but the baby mama as well, lost custody of my baby, went on an eat pray love journey, brought back a con artist, got kidnapped and almost murdered, dealt with a judge with a grudge against me, fell in love with a hot cop, had you come to town trying to win me back and broke up with said hot cop. A lot of stuff has happened.
SPINELLI: Humblest apologies for heaping undue pressure upon you, Maximista.
MAXIE: But I do love you, Spinelli. We have a child together and you make me a better person, so sure, I'll get back together with you.
METROCOURT
JULIAN: What's this about Franco staying here in a COMPED ROOM?
OLIVIA: What's it to you?
JULIAN: If you need help dealing with Franco, I'm your man.
OLIVIA: I'm only letting him stay here because I feel sorry for him. Heather shot him up with LSD and I have some experience in that area.
JULIAN: I call BS. I think he has something over you.
OLIVIA: Now I call BS. Besides, if I needed Franco put six feet under, Sonny would be my man. That is, if Ned weren't taking care of it as we speak.
HOSPITAL
SILAS: Avery, look. These are the drugs I'm going to use to put your mother out of her misery.
AVERY: Nom nom nom! Real food at last!
SILAS: Five months old and already eating cookies. Have you been SORASed already? Let me take your picture first so your mommy can see you one last time before she goes to the great penthouse in the sky.
AVERY: Nom nom nom! Aren't I adorable!
NATHAN: Nina, I thought you were going to be living with me.
NINA: Sorry, Jay, but Franco gave me a better offer. Besides, you want the apartment for yourself so you can have sexy time with your girlfriend.
NATHAN: Nina, there will be no sexy time with me and Maxie because we're not together anymore.
NINA: You gave up? That's not very Jay of you, Jay. If you love Maxie, don't let that Spaghetti guy get in the way.
SILAS: Avery's healthy. And so is her appetite. I'm just going to run these labs and you can take her home.
KIKI: Thanks, Dad.
SILAS: I have to go back to NYC right after I do this. My mystery patient *cough* your mother *cough* needs me.
KIKI: You're so dedicated to your patients.
SILAS: I'd like to be more dedicated to my own daughter.
KIKI: At least you're alive.
Q MANSION
SABRINA: Michael, I have some comfort food for you. Michael? Where did he go?
HOSPITAL
NINA: Coast is clear.
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
NATHAN: Knock knock
SPINELLI: I'm going to check on Georgie.
MAXIE: Nathan?
NATHAN: I'm back in the running, Maxie.
FRANCO & NINA'S HOTEL ROOM
FRANCO (on phone): Nina, our game of hide and seek is over. Where the hell are you?
HOSPITAL EXAM ROOM
AVERY: Nom nom nom! Who could this be?
FRANCO & NINA'S SUITE
NED: Stop blackmailing Olivia.
FRANCO: You're gonna have to do better than that.
NED: How dare you take advantage of a pregnant woman!
FRANCO: Fair enough. I'll charge the room service to your card. Hand it over. No, I have a better idea. Gimme some ELQ shares.
NED: That's hilarious.
FRANCO: I missed that warm and fuzzy family feeling being a Q for 5 minutes gave me. ELQ shares or Julian gets the good news.
Q MANSION
MICHAEL: What are Morgan and Kiki doing here?
MORGAN: You didn't get the memo, Mikey? When CPS takes Avery away from YOU, they're going to give her back to KIKI.
SOCIAL WORKER: Not right away. We need to take her to the hospital to check her out first.
KIKI: But then I get to take my little sis home, right?
SOCIAL WORKER: While we evaluate the case yes.
MICHAEL: I still don't know how I could have gotten so drunk on so little booze.
SABRINA: There were the pills.
ALEXIS: Pills? You mixed booze and pills, Michael? No wonder--
MICHAEL: They were my allergy meds. I've taken them and had drinks before and nothing happened. I'm going down to the MetroCourt myself to see what's taking Ned so long
ALEXIS: Oh no you don't! I will go down to see Ned and maybe run into the hotness that is Julian.
HOSPITAL
NINA: Silas, I'm sorry I faked the wheelchair thing, made a revenge list, and went bonkers. Also, sorry about Ava. Sort of.
SILAS: Thank you, Nina.
NINA: Aw, look! Ava's baby!
KIKI: Stay away from my BABY SISTER you PSYCHO!
NINA: Sorry about your mom, Kiki. Sorry she's a homewrecking slut who ruined my life!
KIKI: You PSYCHO BITCH! (turns into a bull and gores Nina)
LUCAS: Hey, Nathan, how about me and Brad double date with you and Maxie?
NATHAN: Sorry, but Maxie and I are history.
LUCAS: Bummer! Maxie made you happy. Don't give up.
NATHAN: Thanks for the advice. Maybe I'll take it.
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
SPINELLI: So, Maximista, will we be resuming our romantic affections for one another or will the contrary prove true?
MAXIE: Georgie's socks are so cute!
SPINELLI: You are deflecting my endeavors to gather information from you.
MAXIE: I need to check my twitter feed.
SPINELLI: Are you endeavoring to further defer my line of questioning? That presents itself as a rhetorical question.
MAXIE: I'm scared of screwing things up again, Spinelli. When you chose Ellie over me, I got pregnant, lied about not only the baby daddy, but the baby mama as well, lost custody of my baby, went on an eat pray love journey, brought back a con artist, got kidnapped and almost murdered, dealt with a judge with a grudge against me, fell in love with a hot cop, had you come to town trying to win me back and broke up with said hot cop. A lot of stuff has happened.
SPINELLI: Humblest apologies for heaping undue pressure upon you, Maximista.
MAXIE: But I do love you, Spinelli. We have a child together and you make me a better person, so sure, I'll get back together with you.
METROCOURT
JULIAN: What's this about Franco staying here in a COMPED ROOM?
OLIVIA: What's it to you?
JULIAN: If you need help dealing with Franco, I'm your man.
OLIVIA: I'm only letting him stay here because I feel sorry for him. Heather shot him up with LSD and I have some experience in that area.
JULIAN: I call BS. I think he has something over you.
OLIVIA: Now I call BS. Besides, if I needed Franco put six feet under, Sonny would be my man. That is, if Ned weren't taking care of it as we speak.
HOSPITAL
SILAS: Avery, look. These are the drugs I'm going to use to put your mother out of her misery.
AVERY: Nom nom nom! Real food at last!
SILAS: Five months old and already eating cookies. Have you been SORASed already? Let me take your picture first so your mommy can see you one last time before she goes to the great penthouse in the sky.
AVERY: Nom nom nom! Aren't I adorable!
NATHAN: Nina, I thought you were going to be living with me.
NINA: Sorry, Jay, but Franco gave me a better offer. Besides, you want the apartment for yourself so you can have sexy time with your girlfriend.
NATHAN: Nina, there will be no sexy time with me and Maxie because we're not together anymore.
NINA: You gave up? That's not very Jay of you, Jay. If you love Maxie, don't let that Spaghetti guy get in the way.
SILAS: Avery's healthy. And so is her appetite. I'm just going to run these labs and you can take her home.
KIKI: Thanks, Dad.
SILAS: I have to go back to NYC right after I do this. My mystery patient *cough* your mother *cough* needs me.
KIKI: You're so dedicated to your patients.
SILAS: I'd like to be more dedicated to my own daughter.
KIKI: At least you're alive.
Q MANSION
SABRINA: Michael, I have some comfort food for you. Michael? Where did he go?
HOSPITAL
NINA: Coast is clear.
MAXIE'S APARTMENT
NATHAN: Knock knock
SPINELLI: I'm going to check on Georgie.
MAXIE: Nathan?
NATHAN: I'm back in the running, Maxie.
FRANCO & NINA'S HOTEL ROOM
FRANCO (on phone): Nina, our game of hide and seek is over. Where the hell are you?
HOSPITAL EXAM ROOM
AVERY: Nom nom nom! Who could this be?
Thursday, April 9, 2015
Who Gets Crypt Baby Now?
A trashy gossip show Access Port Charles airs Michael's meltdown at the MetroCourt. Nina is offended that Franco thinks the stroller falling over is funny. At Morgan's urging, Sonny calls Child Protective Services to remove Crypt Baby Avery/AJ from Michael's custody. Michael and Sabrina wonder how Michael could have lost control without having that much to drink. Julian confronts Kiki about her role in Michael's meltdown. Ava once again implores Silas to help end her suffering.
FRANCO AND NINA'S SUITE
FRANCO: DOWN goes the stroller! Ha-ha-ha-high-larious! I'm totally making a Vine of this.
NINA: You PIG! That's Bionic Baby Jaime falling down in her stroller!
FRANCO: Did you take a return trip to Crazytown, Nina? You know the kid's name isn't Jaime, right? And you didn't give birth to her and Silas isn't the daddy.
NINA: Did I say Jaime? I meant Avery. Or did that show call her AJ. Whatever. I'm NOT crazy. You don't SERIOUSLY think I'm bonkers, do you, Franco?
FRANCO: I'm sorry, Nina. Should I grovel more? So so SO sorry, Nina. I was WRONG to insinuate that you were not completely sane.
NINA: Okay, I forgive you. Just no more laughing at babies getting hurt, okay? That is SO not funny.
Q MANSION
MICHAEL: How did I get so hammered? I only had two drinks. Or maybe not even two. I can hold my alcohol better than THAT.
SABRINA: I'm just as confuzzled as you are. Unless you weren't supposed to take your allergy meds with alcohol.
MICHAEL: I've been on that stuff forever and I've had drinks while I was on it.
SABRINA: UNLESS someone switched your meds.
METROCOURT
CARLY: OMG! Poor Favoritest Son!
OLIVIA: Yeah, Michael went off the deep end. I don't know what, except for a crapload of booze, got into him.
CARLY: Why didn't you tell me this happened, Olivia? Why do I have to hear it on this trashfest?
OLIVIA: You were kinda busy, Carly. Besides, the baby was fine.
CARLY: Oh yeah, the baby. But WHAT ABOUT MICHAEL?????
SONNY'S HOUSE
SONNY: What kind of IDIOT would take advantage of MY GOLDEN SON's moment of weakness? Did you see anyone there taping that?
MORGAN: Forget who taped it. Michael knocked over Avery's stroller! She could have been hurt or killed, Dad!
SONNY: SOMEONE set Michael up. He doesn't just get drunk like that.
MORGAN: Back to Avery, Dad. We need to get her away from Michael before he really hurts her. Three words: Child Protective Services.
CARLY: Over my dead body will you call CPS on MY FAVORITEST SON!
MORGAN: Should have known you'd take his side.
CARLY: Who are you?
MORGAN: You do remember you have other kids, right Mom?
CARLY: But poor Michael. We kept secrets from him and fought in front of him. We DROVE him to drink.
SONNY: Avery's my daughter, Carly. If she's not safe, I have to protect her. I hate doing this to #1, but I'm gonna have to make the call. Are you with me on this?
CARLY: We can't do this to--fine, if it will keep that little girl safe--but I don't like this one bit.
SECRET GREEN DEPRESSING ROOM
AVA: OMG! My baby! Silas, I have to get to Port Chuckles NOW! Avery NEEDS me.
SILAS: How are you going to do that in your condition? Besides, if you show up there, spend the rest of your days in Pentonville.
AVA: So, you go instead of me. And when you get back, will you please kill me?
SILAS: Sorry, no can do. Hippocratic Oath and all.
AVA: The chemo is not working and I going downhill in a hurry. You know that Death With Dignity thing? I want in.
SILAS: If it means that much to you, Ava, I'll sign you up.
AVA: Thank you, Silas.
Q MANSION
NED: Michael, what were you thinking? ELQ has taken a big enough hit from a certain Greco-Russian faction and now we have the CEO staggering around a public place knocking over baby strollers? Now I have to go do damage control.
MICHAEL: My bad, Ned. I screwed up. What can I say?
NED: Lay off the booze. Don't end up like your bio-dad.
JULIAN'S APARTMENT
KIKI: Good news, Uncle Julian. We should be getting Avery back from Michael any day now. He is clearly not fit to take care of my little sister. He knocked over her stroller and acted all drunk-like, all because me and Morgan were making out.
JULIAN: Are you sure you didn't set him up? You told me you and Morgan were cooking up a harebrained scheme.
KIKI: Fine, we set him up, but we did it for Avery.
JULIAN: Like mother, like daughter.
ALEXIS: Why isn't Michael picking up? Screw it! I'm going to go yell at him to his face at the Q mansion.
METROCOURT
OLIVIA: Franco and Nina know about my baby being Julian's and they're blackmailing me.
NED: How do they know?
OLIVIA: I sorta kinda told Franco when I visited him in the loony bin.
NED: Say WHAAAAAAAAT? Why did YOU go see Franco at the nuthouse?
OLIVIA: To welcome him to the LSD Victims of Heather Webber club. I thought he was trippin' up a storm with the way he was rambling incoherently so I spilled my guts. Turns out he was faking his crazy and the joke's on me.
NED: So how did they end up blackmailing you?
OLIVIA: After they got sprung from the funny farm, they came straight here and demanded a free luxury suite with unlimited room service. Carly's pissed and I'm screwed.
NED: Not if I can help it. Tell me their room number and I'm going to fix this for you.
Q MANSION
MICHAEL: Alexis, do you think I could lose AJ?
ALEXIS: It's possible.
SOCIAL WORKER: Michael Quartermaine, hand over the kid.
FRANCO AND NINA'S SUITE
FRANCO: DOWN goes the stroller! Ha-ha-ha-high-larious! I'm totally making a Vine of this.
NINA: You PIG! That's Bionic Baby Jaime falling down in her stroller!
FRANCO: Did you take a return trip to Crazytown, Nina? You know the kid's name isn't Jaime, right? And you didn't give birth to her and Silas isn't the daddy.
NINA: Did I say Jaime? I meant Avery. Or did that show call her AJ. Whatever. I'm NOT crazy. You don't SERIOUSLY think I'm bonkers, do you, Franco?
FRANCO: I'm sorry, Nina. Should I grovel more? So so SO sorry, Nina. I was WRONG to insinuate that you were not completely sane.
NINA: Okay, I forgive you. Just no more laughing at babies getting hurt, okay? That is SO not funny.
Q MANSION
MICHAEL: How did I get so hammered? I only had two drinks. Or maybe not even two. I can hold my alcohol better than THAT.
SABRINA: I'm just as confuzzled as you are. Unless you weren't supposed to take your allergy meds with alcohol.
MICHAEL: I've been on that stuff forever and I've had drinks while I was on it.
SABRINA: UNLESS someone switched your meds.
METROCOURT
CARLY: OMG! Poor Favoritest Son!
OLIVIA: Yeah, Michael went off the deep end. I don't know what, except for a crapload of booze, got into him.
CARLY: Why didn't you tell me this happened, Olivia? Why do I have to hear it on this trashfest?
OLIVIA: You were kinda busy, Carly. Besides, the baby was fine.
CARLY: Oh yeah, the baby. But WHAT ABOUT MICHAEL?????
SONNY'S HOUSE
SONNY: What kind of IDIOT would take advantage of MY GOLDEN SON's moment of weakness? Did you see anyone there taping that?
MORGAN: Forget who taped it. Michael knocked over Avery's stroller! She could have been hurt or killed, Dad!
SONNY: SOMEONE set Michael up. He doesn't just get drunk like that.
MORGAN: Back to Avery, Dad. We need to get her away from Michael before he really hurts her. Three words: Child Protective Services.
CARLY: Over my dead body will you call CPS on MY FAVORITEST SON!
MORGAN: Should have known you'd take his side.
CARLY: Who are you?
MORGAN: You do remember you have other kids, right Mom?
CARLY: But poor Michael. We kept secrets from him and fought in front of him. We DROVE him to drink.
SONNY: Avery's my daughter, Carly. If she's not safe, I have to protect her. I hate doing this to #1, but I'm gonna have to make the call. Are you with me on this?
CARLY: We can't do this to--fine, if it will keep that little girl safe--but I don't like this one bit.
SECRET GREEN DEPRESSING ROOM
AVA: OMG! My baby! Silas, I have to get to Port Chuckles NOW! Avery NEEDS me.
SILAS: How are you going to do that in your condition? Besides, if you show up there, spend the rest of your days in Pentonville.
AVA: So, you go instead of me. And when you get back, will you please kill me?
SILAS: Sorry, no can do. Hippocratic Oath and all.
AVA: The chemo is not working and I going downhill in a hurry. You know that Death With Dignity thing? I want in.
SILAS: If it means that much to you, Ava, I'll sign you up.
AVA: Thank you, Silas.
Q MANSION
NED: Michael, what were you thinking? ELQ has taken a big enough hit from a certain Greco-Russian faction and now we have the CEO staggering around a public place knocking over baby strollers? Now I have to go do damage control.
MICHAEL: My bad, Ned. I screwed up. What can I say?
NED: Lay off the booze. Don't end up like your bio-dad.
JULIAN'S APARTMENT
KIKI: Good news, Uncle Julian. We should be getting Avery back from Michael any day now. He is clearly not fit to take care of my little sister. He knocked over her stroller and acted all drunk-like, all because me and Morgan were making out.
JULIAN: Are you sure you didn't set him up? You told me you and Morgan were cooking up a harebrained scheme.
KIKI: Fine, we set him up, but we did it for Avery.
JULIAN: Like mother, like daughter.
ALEXIS: Why isn't Michael picking up? Screw it! I'm going to go yell at him to his face at the Q mansion.
METROCOURT
OLIVIA: Franco and Nina know about my baby being Julian's and they're blackmailing me.
NED: How do they know?
OLIVIA: I sorta kinda told Franco when I visited him in the loony bin.
NED: Say WHAAAAAAAAT? Why did YOU go see Franco at the nuthouse?
OLIVIA: To welcome him to the LSD Victims of Heather Webber club. I thought he was trippin' up a storm with the way he was rambling incoherently so I spilled my guts. Turns out he was faking his crazy and the joke's on me.
NED: So how did they end up blackmailing you?
OLIVIA: After they got sprung from the funny farm, they came straight here and demanded a free luxury suite with unlimited room service. Carly's pissed and I'm screwed.
NED: Not if I can help it. Tell me their room number and I'm going to fix this for you.
Q MANSION
MICHAEL: Alexis, do you think I could lose AJ?
ALEXIS: It's possible.
SOCIAL WORKER: Michael Quartermaine, hand over the kid.
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
The Easy Way Out
Dante stops Valerie from killing Luke in a fit of grief-stricken, hysterical rage. Luke, however, urges Valerie to end his emotional turmoil. Lulu is upset that her father no longer wants to live. A staggering Michael knocks over Avery/AJ's stroller, but Crypt Baby is unharmed. Kiki expresses regret that they took their plan against Michael too far. Carly pesters Jake about Hayden. Meanwhile, Hayden is successful in getting Nikolas to have sex with her. Ric persuades Liz to take him back.
HOSPITAL
LUKE: Valerie! Just the person I want to apologize to.
VALERIE: I am SO not accepting your apology, you mother-killer! I have a ginormous axe to grind with you.
LUKE: Fair enough. If you want to kill me, go right ahead. It's not like I can live with myself knowing what I did to my parents and that the Fluke Monster can emerge at any moment. You kill me, you cage the Fluke Monster for good.
VALERIE: So you WANT me to kill you? What is this, some sort of perverse psychology?
LUKE: But if you're gonna do the deed, make it look like I offed myself.
VALERIE: My mother was ALL I HAD and YOU TOOK HER AWAY FROM ME! (Puts razor blade to Luke's throat)
DANTE: Valerie, don't do it!
VALERIE: But he WANTS me to kill him. I'm doing him a favor!
DANTE: Luke, you suicidal coward! Be a man and face your demons. Don't let a young woman spend the rest of her life in Pentonville for your murder.
LULU: Daddy, don't let her kill you! I don't want you to die!
DANTE: Come on, Valerie. Don't be doing the murder thing. Just ask several of my relatives: Pentonville sucks! (Takes blade from Valerie and leads her out of the room)
LULU: Daddy! How could you BE so suicidal? What about Tracy, what about Rocco, what about ME?
LUKE: It's not like you're going to SEE much of me. I'll be in P-ville for the foreseeable future.
METROCOURT
MICHAEL: Step AWAY from the stroller! YOU are NOT ALLOWED to be around MY SISTER!
SONNY: What's gotten into you, Michael? Are you drunk?
MICHAEL: That's nonnayadamnbizness! GET AWAY FROM MY BABY SISTER! (Knocks over Crypt Baby's stroller
SABRINA: OMG!
OLIVIA: OMG!
GARAGE
CARLY: Guess who! You didn't think my long-lost aunt's sudden passing would mean you and your faux wife were going to slip away in wedded bliss now, did you?
JAKE: Hope springs eternal. Look, Hayden says she's my wife, so she's my wife until proven to be not my wife.
CARLY: I've got Spinelli on it.
JAKE: You mean that bumbling, slightly creepy hacker friend of yours?
CARLY: The very same one.
JAKE: And what if he finds out Hayden really is my wife?
CARLY: If that happens, I'll sing "Let it Go" at the Nurses' Ball.
JAKE: As tempting as that sounds, I'm pissed at you for going behind my back and being a major buttinsky.
CARLY: I'm your friend. Friends are allowed to be buttinskys.
HOSPITAL
RIC: So will you take me back, Elizabeth? Will ya? Will ya? Will ya?
LIZ: I'm thinking about it. But you need to not be pulling these shenanigans.
RIC: I'll admit I pulled some stuff with Jake, but his wife showed up so no harm, no foul, you're free to be with ME.
LIZ: No more lies?
RIC: Let's be realistic.
LIZ: Come on, Ric.
RIC: As long as you'll have me back, no more lies, shenanigans, or skullduggery (fingers crossed behind back)
LIZ: Okay, but I hope this doesn't bite me where the sun don't shine.
HAYDEN'S HOTEL ROOM
HAYDEN: So, Mr. Cassadine of the badass granny, you may think you have played me, but I know you're keeping a big fat secret of your own, so whaddaya say? Sex?
NIKOLAS: What the hell!
HAYDEN: Still got it!
NIKOLAS: (after sex): So if it wasn't my grandmother, who's behind this "Mrs. Jake" scheme?
HAYDEN: If sex with me makes you think of your grandmother, then I'm in trouble. As to the brains behind my fake marriage to Jake, you're going to have to have a lot more sex with me to find that out. Besides, you have a secret to keep of your own. You know who Jake is. I bet his real name is like,Stu Pidd. If I had a name like that, I'd change it too.
METROCOURT
KIKI: Do you think we went too far with Michael?
MORGAN: This is what we WANTED, Kiki. Michael's smashed. We got it on tape. Judge gives Avery right back to Dad. Simple as that.
KIKI: But I thought Michael was totally over me. Maybe he's not.
MORGAN: Are you jonesing for him or for me?
KIKI: I'm on your side. I think.
FILM GUY: Check this out! (plays film of Michael knocking over Avery's stroller)
KIKI: OMG! He knocked over Avery!
FILM GUY: Chill! The kid's fine!
MORGAN: Yeah, Avery's fine. We WON!
SONNY: Any of you see Michael getting wasted up here?
KIKI: He had a drink when he confronted us, but I don't know how many he had before.
MORGAN: I think he got a little jealous of me and Kiki. But Avery's okay, so everything is cool, right?
Q MANSION
SABRINA: Michael, you need to get some rest. You were freaking me out today.
MICHAEL: I freaked myself out. If anything happened to AJ...
SABRINA: But it didn't. Just get some rest and lay off the booze, okay?
MICHAEL: If you say so. Thanks, Sabrina.
HOSPITAL
LUKE: Valerie! Just the person I want to apologize to.
VALERIE: I am SO not accepting your apology, you mother-killer! I have a ginormous axe to grind with you.
LUKE: Fair enough. If you want to kill me, go right ahead. It's not like I can live with myself knowing what I did to my parents and that the Fluke Monster can emerge at any moment. You kill me, you cage the Fluke Monster for good.
VALERIE: So you WANT me to kill you? What is this, some sort of perverse psychology?
LUKE: But if you're gonna do the deed, make it look like I offed myself.
VALERIE: My mother was ALL I HAD and YOU TOOK HER AWAY FROM ME! (Puts razor blade to Luke's throat)
DANTE: Valerie, don't do it!
VALERIE: But he WANTS me to kill him. I'm doing him a favor!
DANTE: Luke, you suicidal coward! Be a man and face your demons. Don't let a young woman spend the rest of her life in Pentonville for your murder.
LULU: Daddy, don't let her kill you! I don't want you to die!
DANTE: Come on, Valerie. Don't be doing the murder thing. Just ask several of my relatives: Pentonville sucks! (Takes blade from Valerie and leads her out of the room)
LULU: Daddy! How could you BE so suicidal? What about Tracy, what about Rocco, what about ME?
LUKE: It's not like you're going to SEE much of me. I'll be in P-ville for the foreseeable future.
METROCOURT
MICHAEL: Step AWAY from the stroller! YOU are NOT ALLOWED to be around MY SISTER!
SONNY: What's gotten into you, Michael? Are you drunk?
MICHAEL: That's nonnayadamnbizness! GET AWAY FROM MY BABY SISTER! (Knocks over Crypt Baby's stroller
SABRINA: OMG!
OLIVIA: OMG!
GARAGE
CARLY: Guess who! You didn't think my long-lost aunt's sudden passing would mean you and your faux wife were going to slip away in wedded bliss now, did you?
JAKE: Hope springs eternal. Look, Hayden says she's my wife, so she's my wife until proven to be not my wife.
CARLY: I've got Spinelli on it.
JAKE: You mean that bumbling, slightly creepy hacker friend of yours?
CARLY: The very same one.
JAKE: And what if he finds out Hayden really is my wife?
CARLY: If that happens, I'll sing "Let it Go" at the Nurses' Ball.
JAKE: As tempting as that sounds, I'm pissed at you for going behind my back and being a major buttinsky.
CARLY: I'm your friend. Friends are allowed to be buttinskys.
HOSPITAL
RIC: So will you take me back, Elizabeth? Will ya? Will ya? Will ya?
LIZ: I'm thinking about it. But you need to not be pulling these shenanigans.
RIC: I'll admit I pulled some stuff with Jake, but his wife showed up so no harm, no foul, you're free to be with ME.
LIZ: No more lies?
RIC: Let's be realistic.
LIZ: Come on, Ric.
RIC: As long as you'll have me back, no more lies, shenanigans, or skullduggery (fingers crossed behind back)
LIZ: Okay, but I hope this doesn't bite me where the sun don't shine.
HAYDEN'S HOTEL ROOM
HAYDEN: So, Mr. Cassadine of the badass granny, you may think you have played me, but I know you're keeping a big fat secret of your own, so whaddaya say? Sex?
NIKOLAS: What the hell!
HAYDEN: Still got it!
NIKOLAS: (after sex): So if it wasn't my grandmother, who's behind this "Mrs. Jake" scheme?
HAYDEN: If sex with me makes you think of your grandmother, then I'm in trouble. As to the brains behind my fake marriage to Jake, you're going to have to have a lot more sex with me to find that out. Besides, you have a secret to keep of your own. You know who Jake is. I bet his real name is like,Stu Pidd. If I had a name like that, I'd change it too.
METROCOURT
KIKI: Do you think we went too far with Michael?
MORGAN: This is what we WANTED, Kiki. Michael's smashed. We got it on tape. Judge gives Avery right back to Dad. Simple as that.
KIKI: But I thought Michael was totally over me. Maybe he's not.
MORGAN: Are you jonesing for him or for me?
KIKI: I'm on your side. I think.
FILM GUY: Check this out! (plays film of Michael knocking over Avery's stroller)
KIKI: OMG! He knocked over Avery!
FILM GUY: Chill! The kid's fine!
MORGAN: Yeah, Avery's fine. We WON!
SONNY: Any of you see Michael getting wasted up here?
KIKI: He had a drink when he confronted us, but I don't know how many he had before.
MORGAN: I think he got a little jealous of me and Kiki. But Avery's okay, so everything is cool, right?
Q MANSION
SABRINA: Michael, you need to get some rest. You were freaking me out today.
MICHAEL: I freaked myself out. If anything happened to AJ...
SABRINA: But it didn't. Just get some rest and lay off the booze, okay?
MICHAEL: If you say so. Thanks, Sabrina.
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
Caging The Monster
Tracy tells a hospitalized Luke that Patricia passed away at the house after he left. A grieving and vengeful Valerie demands to see Luke. Nikolas confronts Hayden about Jake. Patrick might be a little jealous that Sam rode to his house on a motorcycle with Jake. Jake overhears Julian and Carlos planning mobular action. TweedleMorgan and TweedleKiki make out in order to make Michael want more to drink, then have their lackey tape Michael's drunken tirade.
HOSPITAL
LUKE: Where's Patricia?
TRACY: I'm so sorry, Luke, but she is gone.
LUKE: Gone as in dead?
TRACY: I'm afraid so. She was very sick from the MS and her heart just gave out.
LUKE: All the stress I caused her storming her hospital room and dredging up horrific childhood memories couldn't have done her any favors. Not only did I kill my parents, but now I've killed my sister too.
TRACY: Patricia loved you, Luke, and she wouldn't want you to blame yourself.
HAYDEN'S METROCOURT ROOM
HAYDEN: Unless you want to have sex with me, get lost.
NIKOLAS: We Cassadines don't get lost. We need to talk, Hayden. I have questions.
HAYDEN: Who the hell are you?
NIKOLAS: I'm Nikolas Cassadine. Elizabeth Webber is my friend and ex-lover. I have questions about you being Jake's wife.
HAYDEN: Why would I say Jake is my hubby if he wasn't? Do I look that desperate?
NIKOLAS: Do I have to answer that?
HAYDEN: How many watchdogs does Jake have? First, Elizabeth gives me the third degree and then there's Carly. Don't even GET me started on Carly! Now you show up.
NIKOLAS: Someone's paying you off. Someone like my grandmother. She's got money and a motive. Trust me, you don't want her barging into your room. She's never without her trusty dagger and at least two well-trained goons.
HAYDEN: Granny has a lot of resources. She's a little stingy with the pay, though.
NIKOLAS: Well, I'm going to give her a call. Should have known I couldn't keep her in a cage.
HAYDEN: I don't even know your grandmother, but she sounds pretty badass. But I do know you know Jake Doe ain't really Jake Doe. Hayden for the win!
HOSPITAL
VALERIE: Where's Luke Spencer? Where is that psycho uncle of mine staying?
LIZ: Whoa, girl, I can't just let you go barging into patients' rooms.
VALERIE: Didn't I just tell you I'm family. I'm his niece. Valerie Spencer. If you won't tell me where he is, I'm going to find him myself.
LIZ: I'm going to call security.
DANTE: That won't be necessary. I can vouch for her. She's Luke's niece and I'll handle her.
VALERIE: I will NOT be HANDLED!
DANTE: Valerie, I know you're grieving, but Luke's very sick. It won't help him out if you come screaming into his room hurling murder accusations at him.
VALERIE: But if he didn't "come screaming into" my mother's room, she would still be alive now.
DANTE: But revenge won't bring your mom back. I get it. I was the child of a single mother too and I'd also be beside myself if something happened to her.
VALERIE: You do get me. So you know why I need justice.
METROCOURT
KIKI: Make out with me. We need to make Michael more jealous so he'll drink more.
MORGAN: I can think of worse ways to spend my time.
MICHAEL: Look at those two, rubbing their PDA in my face. Talk about tacky.
SABRINA: They're like a couple of high school kids. Ignore them.
MICHAEL: (to bartender) Keep 'em coming.
SABRINA: It's 2 o'clock in the afternoon.
MICHAEL: Only in this time zone.
SABRINA: Let's get out of here and take a walk.
MICHAEL: I've got business to do.
SABRINA: Okay. I'll take AJ for a walk myself.
KIKI: It's working! Let's make out some more.
MORGAN: I forgot how much fun making out with you was.
KIKI: We are geniuses!
MORGAN: That's genii.
MICHAEL: Hey, Keeks and Moron! You guys enjoying sucking face?
MORGAN: Yeah, as a matter of fact we are, MIKEY
MICHAEL: It's MiCHAEL! I don't do nicknames. It's so low-class. I'm a Q now.
KIKI: And you drink like a Q too.
MICHAEL: I once was in love with you, Kiki. Even when I thought we were cousins. Then, Morgan LIED and didn't tell you we weren't. Then I found out. Then we hooked up. Then I found out YOU LIED about Sonny killing my father. Then I slept with Rosalie. Then we broke up. Then I won custody of AJ. So now you've bounced back to Morgan. You two imbeciles deserve each other. (punches Morgan, then falls into some furniture.)
GARAGE
JAKE: I hope you don't mind that I gave your daughter a ride home.
JULIAN: I don't mind. Can't speak for your wife, though.
JAKE: Yeah, her. Look, there's nothing going on between me and Sam. She needed a ride to move in with her new boyfriend. I only have eyes for (to himself) Uhlizabeth (to Julian) my wife.
CARLOS: Carrrrrrrrrlos has returned! What's he doing here?
JULIAN: He works with us, remember? He's going to be my new grease monkey.
CARLOS: But I'M YOUR GREASE MONKEY! SEE MY HAIR?
JULIAN: Jake saved my ass from Shawn Butler. Well, if Butler could shoot straight Jake would have saved my ass. By the way, where you messing with Sonny's shipments?
CARLOS: Damn straight I did.
JULIAN: How DARE you go rogue! Now you've got the bad guys on alert. We need to plan our hit more carefully.
HOSPITAL
LUKE: So when I felt the bad guy personality--let's call him Fluke-- was emerging, I took off.
LULU: That's why you kept leaving us when we were kids. You didn't want us to see Fluke.
LUKE: I didn't want Fluke to hurt my family.
TRACY: Something must have happened last year to make this Fluke take over full-time.
LULU: Didn't Heather Webber hold you captive in Miscavige and have your brains scrambled?
LUKE: All those drugs and electroshocks did the trick. The memories came back and Fluke took over. I gave into the dark side, the side of me that was just like Tim. Fluke had some friends in low places--Julian Jerome, Cesar Faison, Helena Cassadine. Fluke tried to kill my wife, my daughter, my nephew--twice! The problem is, how do I keep the Fluke Monster in his cage?
TRACY: I'm going to go get you a lawyer.
LULU: I love you, Daddy. I'm going to let you get your rest.
PATRICK'S HOUSE
PATRICK: Where's your stuff?
SAM: It's in my car, at the garage.
PATRICK: How did you get here?
SAM: Jake gave me a ride on a motorcycle we found lying around the garage.
PATRICK: Of course. Who cares if he remembers how to drive a motorcycle, or a car for that matter?
SAM: Patrick, don't you trust me? Jake is just a friend. I'm moving in with YOU, not him. Besides, he's got a wife.
PATRICK: Enough Jake talk. The kids are being babysat. Let's have sex.
SAM: Works for me. Let's do it.
METROCOURT LOBBY
SONNY: Can I hang with my daughter for, like, two minutes? Please? Pretty please?
SABRINA: Mr. Corinthos, I really shouldn't. If Michael sees you with him, he'll freak.
SONNY: You don't even have to let her out of her stroller. Hey, Avery. It's your daddy! Do you miss me?
SABRINA: I really have to go. 50 bucks says Michael is walking out of that elevator right now.
MICHAEL: (staggering out of elevator) Funny how a little booze cures the atchoos! (sees Sonny) GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY SISTER!
HOSPITAL
LUKE: Where's Patricia?
TRACY: I'm so sorry, Luke, but she is gone.
LUKE: Gone as in dead?
TRACY: I'm afraid so. She was very sick from the MS and her heart just gave out.
LUKE: All the stress I caused her storming her hospital room and dredging up horrific childhood memories couldn't have done her any favors. Not only did I kill my parents, but now I've killed my sister too.
TRACY: Patricia loved you, Luke, and she wouldn't want you to blame yourself.
HAYDEN'S METROCOURT ROOM
HAYDEN: Unless you want to have sex with me, get lost.
NIKOLAS: We Cassadines don't get lost. We need to talk, Hayden. I have questions.
HAYDEN: Who the hell are you?
NIKOLAS: I'm Nikolas Cassadine. Elizabeth Webber is my friend and ex-lover. I have questions about you being Jake's wife.
HAYDEN: Why would I say Jake is my hubby if he wasn't? Do I look that desperate?
NIKOLAS: Do I have to answer that?
HAYDEN: How many watchdogs does Jake have? First, Elizabeth gives me the third degree and then there's Carly. Don't even GET me started on Carly! Now you show up.
NIKOLAS: Someone's paying you off. Someone like my grandmother. She's got money and a motive. Trust me, you don't want her barging into your room. She's never without her trusty dagger and at least two well-trained goons.
HAYDEN: Granny has a lot of resources. She's a little stingy with the pay, though.
NIKOLAS: Well, I'm going to give her a call. Should have known I couldn't keep her in a cage.
HAYDEN: I don't even know your grandmother, but she sounds pretty badass. But I do know you know Jake Doe ain't really Jake Doe. Hayden for the win!
HOSPITAL
VALERIE: Where's Luke Spencer? Where is that psycho uncle of mine staying?
LIZ: Whoa, girl, I can't just let you go barging into patients' rooms.
VALERIE: Didn't I just tell you I'm family. I'm his niece. Valerie Spencer. If you won't tell me where he is, I'm going to find him myself.
LIZ: I'm going to call security.
DANTE: That won't be necessary. I can vouch for her. She's Luke's niece and I'll handle her.
VALERIE: I will NOT be HANDLED!
DANTE: Valerie, I know you're grieving, but Luke's very sick. It won't help him out if you come screaming into his room hurling murder accusations at him.
VALERIE: But if he didn't "come screaming into" my mother's room, she would still be alive now.
DANTE: But revenge won't bring your mom back. I get it. I was the child of a single mother too and I'd also be beside myself if something happened to her.
VALERIE: You do get me. So you know why I need justice.
METROCOURT
KIKI: Make out with me. We need to make Michael more jealous so he'll drink more.
MORGAN: I can think of worse ways to spend my time.
MICHAEL: Look at those two, rubbing their PDA in my face. Talk about tacky.
SABRINA: They're like a couple of high school kids. Ignore them.
MICHAEL: (to bartender) Keep 'em coming.
SABRINA: It's 2 o'clock in the afternoon.
MICHAEL: Only in this time zone.
SABRINA: Let's get out of here and take a walk.
MICHAEL: I've got business to do.
SABRINA: Okay. I'll take AJ for a walk myself.
KIKI: It's working! Let's make out some more.
MORGAN: I forgot how much fun making out with you was.
KIKI: We are geniuses!
MORGAN: That's genii.
MICHAEL: Hey, Keeks and Moron! You guys enjoying sucking face?
MORGAN: Yeah, as a matter of fact we are, MIKEY
MICHAEL: It's MiCHAEL! I don't do nicknames. It's so low-class. I'm a Q now.
KIKI: And you drink like a Q too.
MICHAEL: I once was in love with you, Kiki. Even when I thought we were cousins. Then, Morgan LIED and didn't tell you we weren't. Then I found out. Then we hooked up. Then I found out YOU LIED about Sonny killing my father. Then I slept with Rosalie. Then we broke up. Then I won custody of AJ. So now you've bounced back to Morgan. You two imbeciles deserve each other. (punches Morgan, then falls into some furniture.)
GARAGE
JAKE: I hope you don't mind that I gave your daughter a ride home.
JULIAN: I don't mind. Can't speak for your wife, though.
JAKE: Yeah, her. Look, there's nothing going on between me and Sam. She needed a ride to move in with her new boyfriend. I only have eyes for (to himself) Uhlizabeth (to Julian) my wife.
CARLOS: Carrrrrrrrrlos has returned! What's he doing here?
JULIAN: He works with us, remember? He's going to be my new grease monkey.
CARLOS: But I'M YOUR GREASE MONKEY! SEE MY HAIR?
JULIAN: Jake saved my ass from Shawn Butler. Well, if Butler could shoot straight Jake would have saved my ass. By the way, where you messing with Sonny's shipments?
CARLOS: Damn straight I did.
JULIAN: How DARE you go rogue! Now you've got the bad guys on alert. We need to plan our hit more carefully.
HOSPITAL
LUKE: So when I felt the bad guy personality--let's call him Fluke-- was emerging, I took off.
LULU: That's why you kept leaving us when we were kids. You didn't want us to see Fluke.
LUKE: I didn't want Fluke to hurt my family.
TRACY: Something must have happened last year to make this Fluke take over full-time.
LULU: Didn't Heather Webber hold you captive in Miscavige and have your brains scrambled?
LUKE: All those drugs and electroshocks did the trick. The memories came back and Fluke took over. I gave into the dark side, the side of me that was just like Tim. Fluke had some friends in low places--Julian Jerome, Cesar Faison, Helena Cassadine. Fluke tried to kill my wife, my daughter, my nephew--twice! The problem is, how do I keep the Fluke Monster in his cage?
TRACY: I'm going to go get you a lawyer.
LULU: I love you, Daddy. I'm going to let you get your rest.
PATRICK'S HOUSE
PATRICK: Where's your stuff?
SAM: It's in my car, at the garage.
PATRICK: How did you get here?
SAM: Jake gave me a ride on a motorcycle we found lying around the garage.
PATRICK: Of course. Who cares if he remembers how to drive a motorcycle, or a car for that matter?
SAM: Patrick, don't you trust me? Jake is just a friend. I'm moving in with YOU, not him. Besides, he's got a wife.
PATRICK: Enough Jake talk. The kids are being babysat. Let's have sex.
SAM: Works for me. Let's do it.
METROCOURT LOBBY
SONNY: Can I hang with my daughter for, like, two minutes? Please? Pretty please?
SABRINA: Mr. Corinthos, I really shouldn't. If Michael sees you with him, he'll freak.
SONNY: You don't even have to let her out of her stroller. Hey, Avery. It's your daddy! Do you miss me?
SABRINA: I really have to go. 50 bucks says Michael is walking out of that elevator right now.
MICHAEL: (staggering out of elevator) Funny how a little booze cures the atchoos! (sees Sonny) GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY SISTER!
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