The blog is going to be brief today because today's show was just plain BORING! After the awesomeness that was Monday and Tuesday, the last three shows have fallen flat with me. Morgan and "Denise" doing the deed--UGH! Ric gaslighting Nina with the baby crying while making out with her mother--More UGH! It's not because of the age differences and the woman being a lot older. God knows we see plenty of older men with younger women. It's just that the stupidity of the characters involved is nauseating. Then we have Sonny and Carly getting married for the FIFTH TIME! I want my Big Jake (Jason), Li'lJake scenes back!
JULIAN'S APARTMENT
MORGAN: I know we're breaking poor Keeks' heart, but let's have sex!
AVA/"DENISE": Oh Moahgan! Youah so irresistible!
ALEXIS'S ROOM AT METROCOURT
JULIAN: I'm going to pretend to be a waiter and you are going to be my Mrs. Robinson.
ALEXIS: Are you saying I'm old? How about we re-enact Prognosis Negative instead?
JULIAN: Who cares? Let's have sex.
OUTSIDE JULIAN'S APARTMENT
KIKI: (to herself) OMG, Denise is going to be SO HAPPY when I tell her the good news.
MICHAEL: Not so fast.
KIKI: CRAP! Now I have to break my auntie's heart. Franco, will you do it for me?
SONNY'S HOUSE
SONNY: I'm so in love with you, Carly, that I could marry you ten times.
CARLY: YIPPEE! MORE RINGS! Just kidding. I am so in love with you I would marry you eleven times. Even if you are an arrogant, violent son of a bitch with unresolved issues toward barware.
MAX: Help! Someone blew up our shipment and we're out of beans, coffee cups, and moonshine! Oh and this guy's bleeding.
CARLY: No problem! I have this handy-dandy first aid kit. Let me get him a band-aid so you can stash him in a safehouse. See, Sonny, I can handle your dangerous lifestyle.
OUTSIDE Q MANSION
SABRINA: Good news, Michael! I strongarmed the hospital to fund your clinic all by my li'l ol self!
MICHAEL: You're the awesomest, Sabrina. I was feeling bad that I had to tell Kiki that her wacked-out aunt can't see my baby sister, but you just made my day!
JULIAN'S APARTMENT
FRANCO: Bad news, Ava. Kiki said Sonny said no. No Baby For You! Oh and also I couldn't jimmy the lock on my dad's drawer to get the recording.
AVA: Keep your voice down. I've got company who still thinks I'm Denise DiMuccio! And by the way, you SUCK at being a partner in crime and good luck getting Nina back.
NINA'S SUITE
RIC: Can't suck face now, Mads. Wife could be back any second now.
MADELINE: Or she could have gone crazy on her way back and forgotten where she lives.
NINA: What's my needle-happy coma-inducer of a mother doing here?
RIC: Don't look at me. I don't know her. Scram, wacky mother-in-law!
NINA: I'm hearing the baby again.
RIC: Cuckoo! Cuckoo!
MADELINE: What baby?
RIC: Get lost, stranger!
NINA: You think I'm crazy and you want my money!
RIC: That's a load of poppycock! I'm on YOUR side.
Friday, July 17, 2015
Thursday, July 16, 2015
Does That Make Me Crazy?
A panicked Nina seeks reassurance from Silas that she's not headed back to Nutsville. Meanwhile Ric updates Madeline on his mind games with Nina. Michael learns of Sonny and Carly's engagement, but strikes out in getting "Denise" permission to see Avery. Kiki defends Morgan to Silas. Morgan calls "Denise" out about telling Silas that she and Morgan couldn't keep their hands off each other. However, the horndog in him wins out once again. Franco tries to get the recording from his father, but he's no Sam Morgan in the lock-picking department.
SONNY'S HOUSE
CARLY: Welcome, Favoritest Son. Guess what? Sonny and I are getting married again.
MICHAEL: Haven't you tried that already? Like four times? You know there are only three strikes, right?
SONNY: This isn't baseball, son. We pride ourselves on learning from experience. When at first you don't succeed. Try, try, try, try, try again. So, are you coming to the wedding?
MICHAEL: Thanks, but no thanks. Still working on not being at least sort of pissed off at you. This pissed-offedness needs time to dissipate.
SONNY: So what brings you by?
MICHAEL: Kiki wanted me to ask if her Aunt Denise could see Avery.
SONNY: You know what I said about try, try, try, try, try again? It doesn't apply here! No way, no how is that loony bird going near my daughter!
CARLY: Look, I'm sorry for Kiki's sake, but maybe she should think twice about trusting that insta-aunt of hers. That woman's got a few screws loose.
MICHAEL: I admit this Denise woman acted a little wacked out the first time I let her see my sister, but I'm feeling sorry for Kiki so I thought I'd give it a shot so I did.
NINA'S SUITE
RIC: (Playing "baby crying" ringtone on his phone) Hey Nina. How's your state of mind today?
NINA: I heard it again.
RIC: You and your hallucinations. They're so adorable!
NINA: You think I'm crazy.
RIC: Nah, just a little eccentric.
NINA: I need some fresh air and you need a hearing aid or two.
SCOTT'S OFFICE
FRANCO: Hey, Dad, remember how you got that awesome recording of Ava Jerome confessing to murder and Sonny actually COMMITTING it? Those were good times, weren't they? Too bad it's not video or you could sell it to Netflix. Oh well, there's always iTunes, right?
SCOTT: That was one helluva recording alright. I could have killed two birds with one stone, but stupid Corinthos had to take a bomb off a boat and rescue the governor's daughter and Ava, well, she won't be falling off any more bridges.
FRANCO: Well, if you don't need to use it...
SCOTT'S ASSISTANT: Ms. Ashford wants to see you.
SCOTT: Gotta go. The Commish calls. She's a keeper, that Jordan Ashford. Wants Corinthos in the clink just as much as I do. (leaves)
FRANCO: (trying to pick lock on Scott's desk drawer) Why do I suck so bad at picking locks? Where's Sam Morgan when I need her?
JULIAN'S APARTMENT
MORGAN: Denise, why did you tell Silas all about you and me? WHY????
AVA/"DENISE": Silas? Do I know a Silas?
MORGAN: Don't play dumb with me, Denise. What's your deal? Silas thinks I'm cheating on Kiki now.
AVA/"DENISE": Not for nothin' Moahgan, but he said he wouldn't tell Kiki nothin' about us.
MORGAN: What we're doing to Kiki is wrong! We have to stop.
AVA/"DENISE": But I don't wanna stop, Moahgan. I can't stop thinkin' 'boutcha.
MORGAN: You still haven't told me why you blabbed to Kiki's dad.
AVA/"DENISE": 'Cuz I had to tell him I was taken so he wouldn't get all flirty wit me.
MORGAN: Isn't that what FRANCO is for?
AVA/"DENISE": I just ain't that into Franco. I want YOU, Moahgan!
MORGAN: Dammit, penis! You win! (kisses Ava/"Denise")
METROCOURT
JULIAN: So, how do you like my cover story on Corinthos and how he's the only mobster in town now that I de-mobbed to be with YOU?
ALEXIS: You know, you're actually kinda good at this newspaper thing. But leaving the mob was suspiciously easy for you. It's not like you can just get your gold watch and walk away. None of the mobs I know work that way.
JULIAN: It was MY mob. I was the boss. What was I going to do? Off myself for leaving?
ALEXIS: You have a point.
JULIAN: By the way, do you know of any faraway place to stash obnoxious sisters who have overstayed their welcome? Denise is a slob who leaves a trail of destruction everywhere she goes and she ate my pizza too!
ALEXIS: YOU had PIZZA? Stress-eat much?
SILAS'S OFFICE
NINA: Silas, I'm on the express train to Crazy Town. I swear I keep hearing babies crying.
SILAS: You are aware that there are other people staying at the MetroCourt, Nina?
NINA: But the funny thing is, Ric doesn't hear the babies crying. It's just me. I'm hallucinating. Or maybe...MAYBE I KIDNAPPED AVERY AFTER ALL!!! That's right, I was sleepwalking and I stole her from the hospital and hid her in my suite for a few weeks. I've been known to have some very long sleeps, as you well know. Then, I took her back to your apartment as I was feeling myself wake up.
SILAS: Well, I didn't think you were crazy thirty seconds ago, but I'm convinced otherwise now.
NINA: I'm going to be sent back to Shadybrook and Franco's mother is going to stick ME with the LSD needle this time! I'm going on a long STRANGE trip, Silas, and I'm not sure I'll make it back home. HOLD ME!
SILAS: Nina, I was being sarcastic. You aren't crazy because if you were crazy, you wouldn't be thinking you were crazy.
KIKI: (sees Nina) Oh, it's YOU again
NINA'S SUITE
MADELINE: Are we doing the right thing, making Nina think she's crazy?
RIC: Maddie, Maddie, Maddie, here I thought you trusted me! The only way to get to Nina's money is if Nina is in the nuthouse!
MADELINE: I do want the money, but I'm feeling so conflicted.
RIC: Allow me to seduce that feeling away. (kisses Madeline)
SILAS'S OFFICE
KIKI: Guess what, Dad? Michael's going to ask his dad if Denise can see Avery! Isn't that amazing?
SILAS: If you say so.
KIKI: Isn't Morgan wonderful?
SILAS: I thought you said MICHAEL was going to do you this favor.
KIKI: Oh well, they both start with M. Ta-ta!
NINA: Will you visit me in the loony bin, Silas?
SILAS: No, because I don't think you'll be going there. I believe in you, Nina.
SONNY'S HOUSE
CARLY: Welcome, Favoritest Son. Guess what? Sonny and I are getting married again.
MICHAEL: Haven't you tried that already? Like four times? You know there are only three strikes, right?
SONNY: This isn't baseball, son. We pride ourselves on learning from experience. When at first you don't succeed. Try, try, try, try, try again. So, are you coming to the wedding?
MICHAEL: Thanks, but no thanks. Still working on not being at least sort of pissed off at you. This pissed-offedness needs time to dissipate.
SONNY: So what brings you by?
MICHAEL: Kiki wanted me to ask if her Aunt Denise could see Avery.
SONNY: You know what I said about try, try, try, try, try again? It doesn't apply here! No way, no how is that loony bird going near my daughter!
CARLY: Look, I'm sorry for Kiki's sake, but maybe she should think twice about trusting that insta-aunt of hers. That woman's got a few screws loose.
MICHAEL: I admit this Denise woman acted a little wacked out the first time I let her see my sister, but I'm feeling sorry for Kiki so I thought I'd give it a shot so I did.
NINA'S SUITE
RIC: (Playing "baby crying" ringtone on his phone) Hey Nina. How's your state of mind today?
NINA: I heard it again.
RIC: You and your hallucinations. They're so adorable!
NINA: You think I'm crazy.
RIC: Nah, just a little eccentric.
NINA: I need some fresh air and you need a hearing aid or two.
SCOTT'S OFFICE
FRANCO: Hey, Dad, remember how you got that awesome recording of Ava Jerome confessing to murder and Sonny actually COMMITTING it? Those were good times, weren't they? Too bad it's not video or you could sell it to Netflix. Oh well, there's always iTunes, right?
SCOTT: That was one helluva recording alright. I could have killed two birds with one stone, but stupid Corinthos had to take a bomb off a boat and rescue the governor's daughter and Ava, well, she won't be falling off any more bridges.
FRANCO: Well, if you don't need to use it...
SCOTT'S ASSISTANT: Ms. Ashford wants to see you.
SCOTT: Gotta go. The Commish calls. She's a keeper, that Jordan Ashford. Wants Corinthos in the clink just as much as I do. (leaves)
FRANCO: (trying to pick lock on Scott's desk drawer) Why do I suck so bad at picking locks? Where's Sam Morgan when I need her?
JULIAN'S APARTMENT
MORGAN: Denise, why did you tell Silas all about you and me? WHY????
AVA/"DENISE": Silas? Do I know a Silas?
MORGAN: Don't play dumb with me, Denise. What's your deal? Silas thinks I'm cheating on Kiki now.
AVA/"DENISE": Not for nothin' Moahgan, but he said he wouldn't tell Kiki nothin' about us.
MORGAN: What we're doing to Kiki is wrong! We have to stop.
AVA/"DENISE": But I don't wanna stop, Moahgan. I can't stop thinkin' 'boutcha.
MORGAN: You still haven't told me why you blabbed to Kiki's dad.
AVA/"DENISE": 'Cuz I had to tell him I was taken so he wouldn't get all flirty wit me.
MORGAN: Isn't that what FRANCO is for?
AVA/"DENISE": I just ain't that into Franco. I want YOU, Moahgan!
MORGAN: Dammit, penis! You win! (kisses Ava/"Denise")
METROCOURT
JULIAN: So, how do you like my cover story on Corinthos and how he's the only mobster in town now that I de-mobbed to be with YOU?
ALEXIS: You know, you're actually kinda good at this newspaper thing. But leaving the mob was suspiciously easy for you. It's not like you can just get your gold watch and walk away. None of the mobs I know work that way.
JULIAN: It was MY mob. I was the boss. What was I going to do? Off myself for leaving?
ALEXIS: You have a point.
JULIAN: By the way, do you know of any faraway place to stash obnoxious sisters who have overstayed their welcome? Denise is a slob who leaves a trail of destruction everywhere she goes and she ate my pizza too!
ALEXIS: YOU had PIZZA? Stress-eat much?
SILAS'S OFFICE
NINA: Silas, I'm on the express train to Crazy Town. I swear I keep hearing babies crying.
SILAS: You are aware that there are other people staying at the MetroCourt, Nina?
NINA: But the funny thing is, Ric doesn't hear the babies crying. It's just me. I'm hallucinating. Or maybe...MAYBE I KIDNAPPED AVERY AFTER ALL!!! That's right, I was sleepwalking and I stole her from the hospital and hid her in my suite for a few weeks. I've been known to have some very long sleeps, as you well know. Then, I took her back to your apartment as I was feeling myself wake up.
SILAS: Well, I didn't think you were crazy thirty seconds ago, but I'm convinced otherwise now.
NINA: I'm going to be sent back to Shadybrook and Franco's mother is going to stick ME with the LSD needle this time! I'm going on a long STRANGE trip, Silas, and I'm not sure I'll make it back home. HOLD ME!
SILAS: Nina, I was being sarcastic. You aren't crazy because if you were crazy, you wouldn't be thinking you were crazy.
KIKI: (sees Nina) Oh, it's YOU again
NINA'S SUITE
MADELINE: Are we doing the right thing, making Nina think she's crazy?
RIC: Maddie, Maddie, Maddie, here I thought you trusted me! The only way to get to Nina's money is if Nina is in the nuthouse!
MADELINE: I do want the money, but I'm feeling so conflicted.
RIC: Allow me to seduce that feeling away. (kisses Madeline)
SILAS'S OFFICE
KIKI: Guess what, Dad? Michael's going to ask his dad if Denise can see Avery! Isn't that amazing?
SILAS: If you say so.
KIKI: Isn't Morgan wonderful?
SILAS: I thought you said MICHAEL was going to do you this favor.
KIKI: Oh well, they both start with M. Ta-ta!
NINA: Will you visit me in the loony bin, Silas?
SILAS: No, because I don't think you'll be going there. I believe in you, Nina.
Wednesday, July 15, 2015
Fifth Time's A Charm?
Sonny proposes to Carly AGAIN, with adorable Crypt Baby Avery in tow. Silas confronts Morgan about his fooling around with "Denise" behind Kiki's back. Ava and Franco make a deal, trading murder evidence against her for a reunion between Franco and Nina. Ric psyches Nina out with a recording of a baby crying, followed by the appearance of Avery's baby blanket. Kiki asks Michael to intercede on "Denise's" behalf with Sonny. Jordan and Scott join forces in an effort to put Sonny back in prison.
SONNY'S HOUSE
SONNY: Now that we have this adorable little munchkin with us, I have a little surprise for you. But first, help yourself to a croissant and some Corinthos coffee.
CARLY: (sees box with the ring) Now there's a ROCK, but what's it doing on our breakfast tray?
SONNY: What do you say we give this marriage thing another whirl?
CARLY: Haven't we already tried that, like FOUR times?
SONNY: Maybe the fifth time's a charm. Besides, practice makes perfect.
AVERY: PRETTY RING! SO SHINY!
CARLY: I can see your point. I mean, who knows us better than each other? Let's do it!
SONNY: Did you hear that, baby girl? You're getting a new MOMMY!
AVERY: Where have I heard THAT before?
SONNY: And you're totally cool with me getting my mob back on?
CARLY: It's who you are, babe. Nobody in this town can mob like you.
JULIAN'S APARTMENT
FRANCO: Hey, Six-Pack, is Denise around?
JULIAN: What does the likes of you want with my newfound sister?
FRANCO: We're kind of a thing now, Jules.
JULIAN: I can't vouch for this one's taste.
AVA/"DENISE": Franco, come heah ya crazy bawl of ahtistic genius!
JULIAN: Spare me.
FRANCO: Hey there, sweet cheeks! Lookin' good. Got some ABC gum?
AVA/"DENISE": Foah you, awlways!
JULIAN: I gotta go hurl.
NINA'S SUITE
NINA: (hearing recording of baby crying) Where's the baby? Can't you hear the crying, Ric? There's a BABY in here and she needs something. Or he.
RIC: What baby? I don't hear any babies crying. Maybe you need to slow down with the estrogen pills, honey.
NINA: Come on, Ric? You have to hear it. If not, you're stone deaf.
RIC: All I hear is you ranting and raving about a nonexistent baby.
NINA: It stopped. OMG, IS THE BABY DEAD?
RIC: Don't look at me. I never heard any baby.
Q MANSION
KIKI: So, Michael, I know you probably don't want to do any favors for me given the whole being drugged by me and Morgan thing, but I'm going to ask you anyway.
MICHAEL: What is it, Kiki?
KIKI: Sonny isn't letting my aunt Denise see Avery. It's so cool you gave him back to Sonny, by the way. But he's keeping Denise from the baby for a totally unfair reason and that's because she looks like my mom.
MICHAEL: You've really taken to this Denise woman, haven't you?
KIKI: She IS my aunt and she looks JUST LIKE my mom, so yeah.
MICHAEL: You haven't known her that long. Are you sure you can trust her. She was acting kinda nutsy-cuckoo with AJ--Avery the one time I let her see her.
KIKI: Okay, so Denise is a little...out there, but she means well and the baby is family. Sonny worships the ground you walk on, so if you talked to him for me, maybe he'll let up.
MICHAEL: Fine, I'll talk to him.
KIKI: OMG, Thank you thank you thank you!
SILAS'S OFFICE
SILAS: Morgan, you shameless horndog, stop two-timing my daughter.
MORGAN: Say WHAAAAAAAAT? Where do you get the idea that I'm cheating on Kiki.
SILAS: I know you've been fooling around with Denise behind Kiki's back.
MORGAN: And you know this how? Rosalie?
SILAS: PFFFFFFFT! I haven't seen that phony nurse twit since she parted ways with my ex-wife. I heard it straight from the horse's mouth.
MORGAN: But...but...whenever I see Denise, I mean she looks so much like Ava that I'm caught up in a hormonal tsunami and resistance is futile. I'm helpless, Dr. Clay! HELPLESS!
SILAS: Save it, Cougar Bait. I have half a mind to tell Kiki, but since it will break her heart, I'll use the other half of my mind and keep quiet.
MORGAN: OMG, a thousand thank yous, Dr. Clay.
SILAS: Any more close encounters of the Denise kind and Kiki hears the whole tawdry tale.
SCOTT BALDWIN'S OFFICE
JORDAN: We need to do something about Sonny Corinthos. He's sucking TJ into his sordid mob world.
SCOTT: TJ? How has he gotten a hold of your son?
JORDAN: TJ is living with Sonny now since he can't stand the sight of me. He blames me for getting Shawn sent to Pentonville and for making him spend a night in lockup. Sonny offered up his home to my son and now TJ's eating out of that mobster's hands.
SCOTT: Corinthos truly is the Teflon Don. We nailed him for AJ Quartermaine's murder, but he jumps into the harbor with a bomb and gets pardoned. We nailed Ava Jerome for Connie Falconeri's murder and she supposedly fell of a bridge to her death. But I still have an ace up my sleeve. (pulls out the flash drive with the recording from AJ's phone).
JORDAN: What's on that drive?
SCOTT: Evidence to get Corinthos back into P-ville once and for all. Are you ready to help me bring him down?
JORDAN: I'm in. While you're at it, do you have that muzzle you used on Luke Spencer? I have an employee who needs to be taught a lesson on how to shut the hell up.
NINA'S SUITE
RIC: Does this blanket look familiar? I found it in your drawer.
NINA: I've never seen it before in my life? WHO put it there?
RIC: YOU tell ME?
NINA: You think I took that baby, too! Have you been hanging around Franco because it sure sounds like this accusation is contagious?
RIC: Calm down, dear wife. I'm here to help you. Not a word about his blanket to anyone or the accusations will spread like wildfire and you'll be back in Shadybrook.
NINA: You're on my side, aren't you, hubby dear?
RIC: I am indeed on your side. (to himself) She's looooosin' it!
JULIAN'S APARTMENT
AVA: So, Franco, are you still interested in getting Nina back?
FRANCO: Hell yeah. What's your plan?
AVA: I want to ditch this Denise act once and for all so I can see my baby, but I can't do that if I'm a sitting duck for the PCPD once Ava magically reappears from the land of the "Presumed Dead".
FRANCO: It is hard to beat a MURDER RAP.
AVA: Keep it down, Franco! Julian can't know I'm Ava. Not yet. That's where you come in.
FRANCO: I think we were pretty convincing with the Franco and Denise lovey-dovey act, right down to the ABC gum, which is disgusting, by the way.
AVA: Not with that. You are in a unique position to help me because your father happens to be the D.A. and he's got some evidence that could send me back to Pentonville should Ava Jerome resurface. Your job is to get your hands on that evidence. It's a recording of me confessing to killing Connie Falconeri. You get your dad to hand that evidence to you and I will make 100% SURE you have a happy reunion with your loony lover Nina. Do we have a deal?
FRANCO: Fine, I'll do it, if it will get me Nina back.
SCOTT'S OFFICE
FRANCO: Hello, Pops! Thirsty?
SCOTT: Maybe a little, but I bet you are even thirstier. How much do you want?
FRANCO: This isn't about money, father. But you can toss me a few twenties if it makes you feel better.
SCOTT: You want something and I have a great big fish to fry. Spill it.
JULIAN'S HOUSE
MORGAN: Tattletale!
AVA/"DENISE": Say WHAAAAAAAAT?
SONNY'S HOUSE
SONNY: Now that we have this adorable little munchkin with us, I have a little surprise for you. But first, help yourself to a croissant and some Corinthos coffee.
CARLY: (sees box with the ring) Now there's a ROCK, but what's it doing on our breakfast tray?
SONNY: What do you say we give this marriage thing another whirl?
CARLY: Haven't we already tried that, like FOUR times?
SONNY: Maybe the fifth time's a charm. Besides, practice makes perfect.
AVERY: PRETTY RING! SO SHINY!
CARLY: I can see your point. I mean, who knows us better than each other? Let's do it!
SONNY: Did you hear that, baby girl? You're getting a new MOMMY!
AVERY: Where have I heard THAT before?
SONNY: And you're totally cool with me getting my mob back on?
CARLY: It's who you are, babe. Nobody in this town can mob like you.
JULIAN'S APARTMENT
FRANCO: Hey, Six-Pack, is Denise around?
JULIAN: What does the likes of you want with my newfound sister?
FRANCO: We're kind of a thing now, Jules.
JULIAN: I can't vouch for this one's taste.
AVA/"DENISE": Franco, come heah ya crazy bawl of ahtistic genius!
JULIAN: Spare me.
FRANCO: Hey there, sweet cheeks! Lookin' good. Got some ABC gum?
AVA/"DENISE": Foah you, awlways!
JULIAN: I gotta go hurl.
NINA'S SUITE
NINA: (hearing recording of baby crying) Where's the baby? Can't you hear the crying, Ric? There's a BABY in here and she needs something. Or he.
RIC: What baby? I don't hear any babies crying. Maybe you need to slow down with the estrogen pills, honey.
NINA: Come on, Ric? You have to hear it. If not, you're stone deaf.
RIC: All I hear is you ranting and raving about a nonexistent baby.
NINA: It stopped. OMG, IS THE BABY DEAD?
RIC: Don't look at me. I never heard any baby.
Q MANSION
KIKI: So, Michael, I know you probably don't want to do any favors for me given the whole being drugged by me and Morgan thing, but I'm going to ask you anyway.
MICHAEL: What is it, Kiki?
KIKI: Sonny isn't letting my aunt Denise see Avery. It's so cool you gave him back to Sonny, by the way. But he's keeping Denise from the baby for a totally unfair reason and that's because she looks like my mom.
MICHAEL: You've really taken to this Denise woman, haven't you?
KIKI: She IS my aunt and she looks JUST LIKE my mom, so yeah.
MICHAEL: You haven't known her that long. Are you sure you can trust her. She was acting kinda nutsy-cuckoo with AJ--Avery the one time I let her see her.
KIKI: Okay, so Denise is a little...out there, but she means well and the baby is family. Sonny worships the ground you walk on, so if you talked to him for me, maybe he'll let up.
MICHAEL: Fine, I'll talk to him.
KIKI: OMG, Thank you thank you thank you!
SILAS'S OFFICE
SILAS: Morgan, you shameless horndog, stop two-timing my daughter.
MORGAN: Say WHAAAAAAAAT? Where do you get the idea that I'm cheating on Kiki.
SILAS: I know you've been fooling around with Denise behind Kiki's back.
MORGAN: And you know this how? Rosalie?
SILAS: PFFFFFFFT! I haven't seen that phony nurse twit since she parted ways with my ex-wife. I heard it straight from the horse's mouth.
MORGAN: But...but...whenever I see Denise, I mean she looks so much like Ava that I'm caught up in a hormonal tsunami and resistance is futile. I'm helpless, Dr. Clay! HELPLESS!
SILAS: Save it, Cougar Bait. I have half a mind to tell Kiki, but since it will break her heart, I'll use the other half of my mind and keep quiet.
MORGAN: OMG, a thousand thank yous, Dr. Clay.
SILAS: Any more close encounters of the Denise kind and Kiki hears the whole tawdry tale.
SCOTT BALDWIN'S OFFICE
JORDAN: We need to do something about Sonny Corinthos. He's sucking TJ into his sordid mob world.
SCOTT: TJ? How has he gotten a hold of your son?
JORDAN: TJ is living with Sonny now since he can't stand the sight of me. He blames me for getting Shawn sent to Pentonville and for making him spend a night in lockup. Sonny offered up his home to my son and now TJ's eating out of that mobster's hands.
SCOTT: Corinthos truly is the Teflon Don. We nailed him for AJ Quartermaine's murder, but he jumps into the harbor with a bomb and gets pardoned. We nailed Ava Jerome for Connie Falconeri's murder and she supposedly fell of a bridge to her death. But I still have an ace up my sleeve. (pulls out the flash drive with the recording from AJ's phone).
JORDAN: What's on that drive?
SCOTT: Evidence to get Corinthos back into P-ville once and for all. Are you ready to help me bring him down?
JORDAN: I'm in. While you're at it, do you have that muzzle you used on Luke Spencer? I have an employee who needs to be taught a lesson on how to shut the hell up.
NINA'S SUITE
RIC: Does this blanket look familiar? I found it in your drawer.
NINA: I've never seen it before in my life? WHO put it there?
RIC: YOU tell ME?
NINA: You think I took that baby, too! Have you been hanging around Franco because it sure sounds like this accusation is contagious?
RIC: Calm down, dear wife. I'm here to help you. Not a word about his blanket to anyone or the accusations will spread like wildfire and you'll be back in Shadybrook.
NINA: You're on my side, aren't you, hubby dear?
RIC: I am indeed on your side. (to himself) She's looooosin' it!
JULIAN'S APARTMENT
AVA: So, Franco, are you still interested in getting Nina back?
FRANCO: Hell yeah. What's your plan?
AVA: I want to ditch this Denise act once and for all so I can see my baby, but I can't do that if I'm a sitting duck for the PCPD once Ava magically reappears from the land of the "Presumed Dead".
FRANCO: It is hard to beat a MURDER RAP.
AVA: Keep it down, Franco! Julian can't know I'm Ava. Not yet. That's where you come in.
FRANCO: I think we were pretty convincing with the Franco and Denise lovey-dovey act, right down to the ABC gum, which is disgusting, by the way.
AVA: Not with that. You are in a unique position to help me because your father happens to be the D.A. and he's got some evidence that could send me back to Pentonville should Ava Jerome resurface. Your job is to get your hands on that evidence. It's a recording of me confessing to killing Connie Falconeri. You get your dad to hand that evidence to you and I will make 100% SURE you have a happy reunion with your loony lover Nina. Do we have a deal?
FRANCO: Fine, I'll do it, if it will get me Nina back.
SCOTT'S OFFICE
FRANCO: Hello, Pops! Thirsty?
SCOTT: Maybe a little, but I bet you are even thirstier. How much do you want?
FRANCO: This isn't about money, father. But you can toss me a few twenties if it makes you feel better.
SCOTT: You want something and I have a great big fish to fry. Spill it.
JULIAN'S HOUSE
MORGAN: Tattletale!
AVA/"DENISE": Say WHAAAAAAAAT?
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
Jake, Meet Jake
It's about to get mighty confusing around the Webber house, with both Jake/Jason and Li'l Jake living under the same roof. What will Liz do to keep them straight? Tell Big Jake that he's really Jason? Assign them numb/ers? Further confuse her traumatized son by calling him Jacob instead? Big Jake meets Li'l Jake for the first time today and the two bond over--what else--motorcycles.
Over in Dante and Lulu's studio of marital strife, Lulu catches Dante on the phone with Valerie and ponders voodoo on her newfound cousin. Sonny and Carly talk Josslyn, Li'l Jake (who they don't know is alive and well at Liz's house), Jason, and, of course, Dante and Lulu. Luke catches Tracy and Paul in the sack and comes clean with his ex-fiancee. Meanwhile, downstairs, Dillon encounters his dad in a bathrobe after leaving Tracy's bedroom. Nikolas tells Lucky that Big Jake is Jason and that Liz knows. Lucky wants to come clean to Jake/Jason but he is conflicted about his role in Liz's and his sons' lives.
LIZ'S HOUSE
LIZ: Jake, I would like you to meet Jake, my son.
JAKE: The one that...how is he still...
LIZ: One and the same. Lucky brought him home to me. It's a miracle!
JAKE: I'll say! Hey there, li'l Jake! How cool is it that we have the same name?
LI'L JAKE: Do you like motorcycles?
JAKE: Are you kidding me? I LOVE motorcycles! I DREAM ABOUT motorcycles.
LI'L JAKE: Cool!
DANTE & LULU'S APARTMENT
DANTE: (over phone) Bye. See you tomorrow.
LULU: You're not talking to VALERIE are you? I hate my cousin with the fire of a thousand suns!
DANTE: She's your family, Lulu.
LULU: I would so un-cousin her if I could. As for you, you should un-coworker her.
DANTE: You mean quit my job?
LULU: I mean get Valerie fired.
DANTE: While we're jettisoning people from our lives, how about un-friending Dillon Quartermaine?
LULU: Like, SERIOUSLY? Dillon is JUST A FRIEND who I DID NOT sleep with while I was in Canada. I didn't even KISS him, unlike you and my bitch of a cousin!
Q MANSION
LUKE: Hey Dillon, where's your mother? I need to talk to her.
DILLON: Join the search party. I've been looking all over this mansion for her.
LUKE: Did you explain the situation to her?
DILLON: I didn't get the chance. I was too busy talking with Sabrina and her purse.
LUKE: Screw it, I'm gonna go up to her bedroom and knock on her door.
SONNY'S HOUSE
CARLY: Hey, I got good news about Josslyn. She's cancer free! I'm still trying to wean her off the corn.
SONNY: How did I not know she was getting checked?
CARLY: Because I didn't want you to see my scared face.
SONNY: I like all your faces, Carly. I know all your faces. Even the ones who want to kick my ass.
CARLY: Thank goodness for Elizabeth and Jason for donating their little boy's organs. Josslyn is alive today all because of little Jake.
SONNY: Jason would have done anything for you, Carly. He would have done anything for me, too.
CARLY: I miss him.
SONNY: So do I. He was my best friend and my best enforcer. Now, Duke's dead and Shawn's in Pentonville, I could sure use Jason right now .
WYNDEMERE
LUCKY: Mission accomplished. Dad and I brought Jake back to Elizabeth.
LAURA: She must be rowing in a river of her own tears of joy right now.
LUCKY: That pretty much sums it up. Li'l Jake is taking it all in stride.
LAURA: So why are you over here and not back there sharing in this joy?
LUCKY: I'm giving Jake and Elizabeth some space. Besides, she's got a boyfriend now.
LAURA: Speaking of giving space, I'm going to let you and Nikolas get reacquainted.
LIZ'S HOUSE
LIZ: Hey Jake, it's getting close to bedtime. (both Jakes look at her)
JAKE: Yeah, we're going to have to work on that.
LI'L JAKE: I don't have any pajamas.
LIZ: Lucky for you, your brother Cam has some that don't fit him anymore. Let's go up and find some.
Q MANSION
LUKE: (opens door and sees Tracy and Paul in bed) Tell me I didn't just see you in bed with PAUL HORNSBY!
TRACY: So what if I am? You moved on with LAURA and I hooked up with one of my exes too.
LUKE: About that, I didn't move on with Laura. That was all an act.
PAUL: I'm just going to put on a sad robe and get the hell out of here. (leaves)
TRACY: You humiliated me at our engagement party and IT WAS ALL AN ACT?
LUKE: Our son was in danger, Tracy. Laura and I were given orders to drop everything and fly up to British Columbia and who shows up but Jennifer Smith, wanting to get her groove on with me in exchange for my son's safety. We went to her hotel room, I passed out drunk and we never did the deed. It turns out she didn't have a clue where Lucky was, but she was in on the ruse because her daddy was involved. The one and only Frank Smith. He had both Lucky and my other son, Ethan. A few gunshots later, Frank Smith is dead and I learn that Lucky staged the whole kidnapping in order to save his not-quite-deceased son Jake, who was being held by Helena on Cassadine Island for the past five years.
TRACY: And you couldn't tell me this BEFORE breaking my heart because...
LUKE: We were specifically told not to.
TRACY: Yet you told Dillon.
LUKE: Only because he was there to beat the crap out of me for what I did to you. Can you forgive me, Tracy?
TRACY: Sorry, Luke. No dice. You promised me the whole enchilada and you held out on the tortilla that holds it all together.
WYNDEMERE
LUCKY: Long time, no see, Nikolas.
NIKOLAS: It has been awhile.
LUCKY: So you heard about little Jake.
NIKOLAS: For the record, I had no idea my grandmother was keeping him there. The less I know about her shenanigans on that island, the better. I can have Patrick check him for brainwashing chips if it would make you feel better.
LUCKY: Of course you didn't know. You wouldn't keep secrets from your OWN FAMILY like that.
NIKOLAS: (to himself) Oh yes I would! (to Lucky) So what are your plans? Are you staying in town.
LUCKY: I'm planning on facing some of my demons. It's a Spencer male trait. The last thing I want to happen to me and my family is for me to end up with a muzzle as I am transported to Shadybrook.
NIKOLAS: But whose ear could you possibly want to bite off?
LUCKY: I have a lot of angst, Nikolas. I don't know if I can be a good father to my children.
NIKOLAS: Technology is very helpful with that these days. That is if you manage to keep your Skype dates.
LUCKY: But then again, I don't want to abandon Jake when I know so little about the man Elizabeth is seeing.
NIKOLAS: Actually, you kinda do know him because he's Jason.
LUCKY: That's hilarious.
NIKOLAS: I'm telling you the truth. He was unfrozen, got in a car accident, had plastic surgery, and doesn't remember who he is. The only people who know are Helena, me, and Elizabeth.
LUCKY: If Elizabeth knows, why hasn't she told him?
NIKOLAS: Because everyone has grieved him and moved on.
LUCKY: This is ALL KINDS OF WRONG, man. He has a right to know who he is and I just might tell him.
Q MANSION
DILLON: Dad, what are you doing here, in this living room, in a sad robe?
PAUL: I came here to see you.
DILLON: That's a new concept. Is this fatherly concern or morbid curiosity.
PAUL: Okay, so I slept with your mother while I was waiting for you to show up.
DILLON: Say WHAAAAAAAAAAT? No, don't say anything more about that.
PAUL: Why not? I've been dumped, she's been dumped so, we thought, what the hey?
DILLON: I'll pretend I didn't hear that.
PAUL: But I really am interested in getting to know my son.
DILLON: What brought this on? I mean, it's not like you've seen me in two decades.
PAUL: Yeah, sorry about that whole abandonment thing. It wasn't working out so well, so I figured it was time to change my parenting strategy.
DILLON: You think?
LIZ'S HOUSE
LI'L JAKE: I forgot my motorcycle.
JAKE: Hey, a former mob boss friend of mine has a motorcycle in his garage. Maybe your mom will let you...sit on it.
LIZ: Only if it's not turned on and I can bubble-wrap him first.
LUCKY: (looking in window) (to himself) Never mind.
DANTE & LULU'S APARTMENT
LULU: Okay, now that I have washed the seething resentment off of me, I want to work on our marriage.
DANTE: So do I.
Over in Dante and Lulu's studio of marital strife, Lulu catches Dante on the phone with Valerie and ponders voodoo on her newfound cousin. Sonny and Carly talk Josslyn, Li'l Jake (who they don't know is alive and well at Liz's house), Jason, and, of course, Dante and Lulu. Luke catches Tracy and Paul in the sack and comes clean with his ex-fiancee. Meanwhile, downstairs, Dillon encounters his dad in a bathrobe after leaving Tracy's bedroom. Nikolas tells Lucky that Big Jake is Jason and that Liz knows. Lucky wants to come clean to Jake/Jason but he is conflicted about his role in Liz's and his sons' lives.
LIZ'S HOUSE
LIZ: Jake, I would like you to meet Jake, my son.
JAKE: The one that...how is he still...
LIZ: One and the same. Lucky brought him home to me. It's a miracle!
JAKE: I'll say! Hey there, li'l Jake! How cool is it that we have the same name?
LI'L JAKE: Do you like motorcycles?
JAKE: Are you kidding me? I LOVE motorcycles! I DREAM ABOUT motorcycles.
LI'L JAKE: Cool!
DANTE & LULU'S APARTMENT
DANTE: (over phone) Bye. See you tomorrow.
LULU: You're not talking to VALERIE are you? I hate my cousin with the fire of a thousand suns!
DANTE: She's your family, Lulu.
LULU: I would so un-cousin her if I could. As for you, you should un-coworker her.
DANTE: You mean quit my job?
LULU: I mean get Valerie fired.
DANTE: While we're jettisoning people from our lives, how about un-friending Dillon Quartermaine?
LULU: Like, SERIOUSLY? Dillon is JUST A FRIEND who I DID NOT sleep with while I was in Canada. I didn't even KISS him, unlike you and my bitch of a cousin!
Q MANSION
LUKE: Hey Dillon, where's your mother? I need to talk to her.
DILLON: Join the search party. I've been looking all over this mansion for her.
LUKE: Did you explain the situation to her?
DILLON: I didn't get the chance. I was too busy talking with Sabrina and her purse.
LUKE: Screw it, I'm gonna go up to her bedroom and knock on her door.
SONNY'S HOUSE
CARLY: Hey, I got good news about Josslyn. She's cancer free! I'm still trying to wean her off the corn.
SONNY: How did I not know she was getting checked?
CARLY: Because I didn't want you to see my scared face.
SONNY: I like all your faces, Carly. I know all your faces. Even the ones who want to kick my ass.
CARLY: Thank goodness for Elizabeth and Jason for donating their little boy's organs. Josslyn is alive today all because of little Jake.
SONNY: Jason would have done anything for you, Carly. He would have done anything for me, too.
CARLY: I miss him.
SONNY: So do I. He was my best friend and my best enforcer. Now, Duke's dead and Shawn's in Pentonville, I could sure use Jason right now .
WYNDEMERE
LUCKY: Mission accomplished. Dad and I brought Jake back to Elizabeth.
LAURA: She must be rowing in a river of her own tears of joy right now.
LUCKY: That pretty much sums it up. Li'l Jake is taking it all in stride.
LAURA: So why are you over here and not back there sharing in this joy?
LUCKY: I'm giving Jake and Elizabeth some space. Besides, she's got a boyfriend now.
LAURA: Speaking of giving space, I'm going to let you and Nikolas get reacquainted.
LIZ'S HOUSE
LIZ: Hey Jake, it's getting close to bedtime. (both Jakes look at her)
JAKE: Yeah, we're going to have to work on that.
LI'L JAKE: I don't have any pajamas.
LIZ: Lucky for you, your brother Cam has some that don't fit him anymore. Let's go up and find some.
Q MANSION
LUKE: (opens door and sees Tracy and Paul in bed) Tell me I didn't just see you in bed with PAUL HORNSBY!
TRACY: So what if I am? You moved on with LAURA and I hooked up with one of my exes too.
LUKE: About that, I didn't move on with Laura. That was all an act.
PAUL: I'm just going to put on a sad robe and get the hell out of here. (leaves)
TRACY: You humiliated me at our engagement party and IT WAS ALL AN ACT?
LUKE: Our son was in danger, Tracy. Laura and I were given orders to drop everything and fly up to British Columbia and who shows up but Jennifer Smith, wanting to get her groove on with me in exchange for my son's safety. We went to her hotel room, I passed out drunk and we never did the deed. It turns out she didn't have a clue where Lucky was, but she was in on the ruse because her daddy was involved. The one and only Frank Smith. He had both Lucky and my other son, Ethan. A few gunshots later, Frank Smith is dead and I learn that Lucky staged the whole kidnapping in order to save his not-quite-deceased son Jake, who was being held by Helena on Cassadine Island for the past five years.
TRACY: And you couldn't tell me this BEFORE breaking my heart because...
LUKE: We were specifically told not to.
TRACY: Yet you told Dillon.
LUKE: Only because he was there to beat the crap out of me for what I did to you. Can you forgive me, Tracy?
TRACY: Sorry, Luke. No dice. You promised me the whole enchilada and you held out on the tortilla that holds it all together.
WYNDEMERE
LUCKY: Long time, no see, Nikolas.
NIKOLAS: It has been awhile.
LUCKY: So you heard about little Jake.
NIKOLAS: For the record, I had no idea my grandmother was keeping him there. The less I know about her shenanigans on that island, the better. I can have Patrick check him for brainwashing chips if it would make you feel better.
LUCKY: Of course you didn't know. You wouldn't keep secrets from your OWN FAMILY like that.
NIKOLAS: (to himself) Oh yes I would! (to Lucky) So what are your plans? Are you staying in town.
LUCKY: I'm planning on facing some of my demons. It's a Spencer male trait. The last thing I want to happen to me and my family is for me to end up with a muzzle as I am transported to Shadybrook.
NIKOLAS: But whose ear could you possibly want to bite off?
LUCKY: I have a lot of angst, Nikolas. I don't know if I can be a good father to my children.
NIKOLAS: Technology is very helpful with that these days. That is if you manage to keep your Skype dates.
LUCKY: But then again, I don't want to abandon Jake when I know so little about the man Elizabeth is seeing.
NIKOLAS: Actually, you kinda do know him because he's Jason.
LUCKY: That's hilarious.
NIKOLAS: I'm telling you the truth. He was unfrozen, got in a car accident, had plastic surgery, and doesn't remember who he is. The only people who know are Helena, me, and Elizabeth.
LUCKY: If Elizabeth knows, why hasn't she told him?
NIKOLAS: Because everyone has grieved him and moved on.
LUCKY: This is ALL KINDS OF WRONG, man. He has a right to know who he is and I just might tell him.
Q MANSION
DILLON: Dad, what are you doing here, in this living room, in a sad robe?
PAUL: I came here to see you.
DILLON: That's a new concept. Is this fatherly concern or morbid curiosity.
PAUL: Okay, so I slept with your mother while I was waiting for you to show up.
DILLON: Say WHAAAAAAAAAAT? No, don't say anything more about that.
PAUL: Why not? I've been dumped, she's been dumped so, we thought, what the hey?
DILLON: I'll pretend I didn't hear that.
PAUL: But I really am interested in getting to know my son.
DILLON: What brought this on? I mean, it's not like you've seen me in two decades.
PAUL: Yeah, sorry about that whole abandonment thing. It wasn't working out so well, so I figured it was time to change my parenting strategy.
DILLON: You think?
LIZ'S HOUSE
LI'L JAKE: I forgot my motorcycle.
JAKE: Hey, a former mob boss friend of mine has a motorcycle in his garage. Maybe your mom will let you...sit on it.
LIZ: Only if it's not turned on and I can bubble-wrap him first.
LUCKY: (looking in window) (to himself) Never mind.
DANTE & LULU'S APARTMENT
LULU: Okay, now that I have washed the seething resentment off of me, I want to work on our marriage.
DANTE: So do I.
Monday, July 13, 2015
Mother and Child Reunion
It was all about li'l Jake returning to his mama today and huge kudos to Becky Herbst, Jonathan Jackson, Tony Geary, and James Nigbor, the kid who plays li'l Jake. Lucky knocks on the door, a relieved Liz greets him. He sees Aiden, who spills the beans about "Mommy's new friend Jake". Liz is in disbelief when Lucky tells her that Jake's alive, but cries tears of joy when her presumed-dead son shows up at her doorstep.
Elsewhere in The Chuckles, the Jake who's really Jason has a nice sit-down with Monica about Jason, though neither of them know that Jake really is Jason. How's that for a confusing sentence? Dante 'fesses up to kissing Valerie, but the rest of the dirty deed is still top secret to anyone other than Dante, Valerie, and their boss, Jordan. Jordan gives Val some tough love. Sam and Patrick chat about Hayden and the subject of Nikolas comes up. Nikolas, meanwhile, learns that his mother's reunion with Luke was part of a ruse to save Lucky.
LIZ'S HOUSE
LUCKY: Knock knock!
LIZ: OMG, Lucky! I was so worried about you!
LUCKY: Sorry about the missed Skypes with Aiden. Totally forgot he was back from Kiddie Witness Protection. That and I was kidnapped.
LIZ: Say WHAAAAAAAAAAT? Hold that thought, I'm going to get Aiden.
DANTE & LULU'S APARTMENT
DANTE: I made a huge, ginormous, epic mistake with Valerie when I thought you were cheating on me with Dillon. Can you forgive me?
LULU: Maybe, maybe not. Was it just a kiss? Open-mouthed or closed? How much tongue?
DANTE: Come again?
LULU: Carly said you and Valerie locked lips. I need deets before I decide whether or not to forgive you.
PCPD
JORDAN: Listen, Valerie, I'm so not cool with this tawdry office affair thing. Lomax has me on 24-7 surveillance and has a robot programmed to skip over the boring stuff and find the juicy footage for her to watch in her pajamas while drinking wine and eating bonbons. How a robot knows what's juicy, I have no idea, but if there are two people talking, it flags that footage. So, no more talk about "indiscretions" with one of my top cops, capiche?
VALERIE: Yes, Commissioner. I apologize, Commissioner.
JORDAN: Now get back to work.
VALERIE: For the record, it's all over. Lulu is back. She didn't do anything with Dillon. Lulu and Dante's marriage isn't over.
JORDAN: Let's keep it that way. (to herself) I hope she doesn't call my bluff about the robot. I totally made that up so she'd keep her trap shut!
LIZ'S HOUSE
AIDEN: DADDY!!!!!!!
LUCKY: Hi there, kiddo! How was Kiddie Witness Protection?
AIDEN: It was awesome! We were in a cave filled with bouncy castles and ball pits and ate pizza all the time. But the pizza had broccoli on it 'cuz we needed to eat our medgetables. Oh, and Mommy has a new friend named Jake.
LIZ: Back to bed with you, sweetie-pie. Maybe Daddy can read you a story that does not involve broccoli pizza.
WYNDEMERE
NIKOLAS: (to himself) Good, Hayden's driver's license is still in its proper place. I still can't believe she bribed the DMV to say she was born in 1984. (to Laura) Mother. How was your trip. I still find it hard to believe you got back together with Luke.
LAURA: About that, it was all an act. Lucky was kidnapped, or rather, he arranged to have himself kidnapped, in order to save Jake.
NIKOLAS: How does Lucky know Jake? Besides, Jake isn't worth saving. He joined forces with Michael to try to undo my takeover of ELQ.
LAURA: I don't think we're talking about the same Jake here, Nikolas. The Jake Lucky saved is nine years old. He's my grandson, Jake Spencer.
NIKOLAS: How can you save a child who has been dead for five years? Should I be worried about you, Mother?
HOSPITAL
SAM: Let's have a dinner date.
PATRICK: As soon as I find out if Hayden Barnes is waking up from that coma or not.
SAM: About Hayden, it appears that Nikolas knows her. I ran into Lulu's very chatty cousin Valerie, who told me that Hayden shacked up with Nikolas at Wyndemere after Carly outed her at the Nurses' Ball.
PATRICK: Hayden and Nikolas, that's interesting...
SAM: Yes it is. But what is most interesting is if she can tell us who Jake really is when she wakes up.
PATRICK: If she wakes up.
LIZ'S HOUSE
LUCKY: My son's been raving about this Jake guy and his great voices.
LIZ: Yeah, Jake's kind of my new boyfriend.
LUCKY: Hey, I got no problem with that. We've both moved on. But it might get a little confusing around the house soon.
LIZ: Confusing? Why is that? By the way, Josslyn is cancer-free after five years. Isn't that great news! Our little boy gave her five years she wouldn't otherwise have.
LUCKY: Except he didn't.
LIZ: Of course he did. The doctors harvested all of his organs. We were both there, remember.
LUCKY: You need to listen to me, Elizabeth. Jake did not donate his kidneys to Josslyn. He couldn't have survived if he did.
LIZ: Survived? This is SO not funny, Lucky. Why are you saying these things to me?
LUCKY: Jake, our son Jake, is ALIVE, Elizabeth! He's alive and I have proof. You can see him for yourself. He's right outside.
LIZ: O. M. G. JAKE? Is it REALLY you?
LUCKY: Jake, this is your mom.
LI'L JAKE: So I do have a mom. Why is she so sad to see me?
LIZ: I'm not sad, sweetie. I'm so HAPPY! And so LUCKY!
LI'L JAKE: You're not Lucky. (points to Lucky). He is. My dad is Lucky. That's his name. I'm Jake Spencer. My Grammy Hella always said that life was like a box of the world's most expensive chocolates. You never know which ones are poisoned.
LIZ: Words to live by. What I meant was that I am so lucky to have you back.
Q MANSION
JAKE: Yeah, I'm just waiting for Michael. My boss. A little impromptu meeting.
MONICA: I'm afraid Michael's out on a date with Sabrina. Was he expecting you?
JAKE: That's the thing, I should have called. I'm sorry to bother you, Mrs. Q.
MONICA: It's no bother. He'll probably be back soon, if you want to make yourself at home.
JAKE: Okay. Sure, why not. (picks up a picture of AJ and Jason)
MONICA: Those are my two dearly-departed boys.
JAKE: I'm so sorry for you loss, Mrs. Q.
MONICA: Please, call me Monica. Allow me to tell you about Jason Quartermaine...
OUTSIDE LIZ'S HOUSE
LIZ: OMG, I am so in shock right now! I don't know what to say to my own kid.
LUCKY: You'll figure it out. We both will.
LIZ: Why am I out here and he's in there? I just abandoned him AGAIN!
DANTE & LULU'S APARTMENT
DANTE: So can we kiss and make up?
LULU: Not yet. I need to make some more angsty faces and erase the image of you kissing Valerie from my brain. Got any more of those weird Frustrated Peacock beers? They're curiously strong, like the Altoids of beer.
DANTE: And here I thought you were more of a wine gal.
LULU: Valerie is SO gonna get it! Wait until I tell Maxie about this.
DANTE: I started the kiss and Valerie stopped me, so don't got all vigilante on your cousin, please.
PCPD
VALERIE: (to herself) Back home to Wyndemere to drown my sorrows about losing a man who was never really mine to lose. Dammit, Lulu, you couldn't just have a real affair so I could be your hot hubby's mistress, could you? (phone rings) Dante?
DANTE: Lulu knows about the kiss, but the rest of it's still top secret, got it? That means no blabbing to anyone else, especially our boss.
VALERIE: Yeah, sure. (to self) Too late for that.
WYNDEMERE
LAURA: Nikolas, would you stop being a brooding Cassadine for two seconds? You're giving me scary flashbacks of your father.
NIKOLAS: Sorry, Mother. I was just thinking about how sad it is that Jason's not alive to see that his kid is alive (to self) Thank GOD I got through that with a straight face)
LIZ'S HOUSE
LIZ: Jake, are you hungry? You and Daddy have my permission to raid the fridge AND the pantry. How awesome is THAT?
LI'L JAKE: Cool! (Li'l Jake and Lucky go in the kitchen)
LIZ: Thanks, Luke, for bringing Jake home to me. I used to think you were super-scary, but you're kinda awesome.
LUKE: Well, I'm glad I don't scare you too much anymore. Take that second chance with Jake and run with it.
LUCKY: Dad, what if I have those same demons in me that you have in you. I think I have them. I don't want to become Flucky and try to blow boats up or take a bite out of anyone's ear.
LUKE: If that happens, call me. I know a few good shrinks who can straighten you out. I also have the number of my tattoo artist.
JAKE: Hi Uhlizabeth. I guess you have company. Who's this kid?
Elsewhere in The Chuckles, the Jake who's really Jason has a nice sit-down with Monica about Jason, though neither of them know that Jake really is Jason. How's that for a confusing sentence? Dante 'fesses up to kissing Valerie, but the rest of the dirty deed is still top secret to anyone other than Dante, Valerie, and their boss, Jordan. Jordan gives Val some tough love. Sam and Patrick chat about Hayden and the subject of Nikolas comes up. Nikolas, meanwhile, learns that his mother's reunion with Luke was part of a ruse to save Lucky.
LIZ'S HOUSE
LUCKY: Knock knock!
LIZ: OMG, Lucky! I was so worried about you!
LUCKY: Sorry about the missed Skypes with Aiden. Totally forgot he was back from Kiddie Witness Protection. That and I was kidnapped.
LIZ: Say WHAAAAAAAAAAT? Hold that thought, I'm going to get Aiden.
DANTE & LULU'S APARTMENT
DANTE: I made a huge, ginormous, epic mistake with Valerie when I thought you were cheating on me with Dillon. Can you forgive me?
LULU: Maybe, maybe not. Was it just a kiss? Open-mouthed or closed? How much tongue?
DANTE: Come again?
LULU: Carly said you and Valerie locked lips. I need deets before I decide whether or not to forgive you.
PCPD
JORDAN: Listen, Valerie, I'm so not cool with this tawdry office affair thing. Lomax has me on 24-7 surveillance and has a robot programmed to skip over the boring stuff and find the juicy footage for her to watch in her pajamas while drinking wine and eating bonbons. How a robot knows what's juicy, I have no idea, but if there are two people talking, it flags that footage. So, no more talk about "indiscretions" with one of my top cops, capiche?
VALERIE: Yes, Commissioner. I apologize, Commissioner.
JORDAN: Now get back to work.
VALERIE: For the record, it's all over. Lulu is back. She didn't do anything with Dillon. Lulu and Dante's marriage isn't over.
JORDAN: Let's keep it that way. (to herself) I hope she doesn't call my bluff about the robot. I totally made that up so she'd keep her trap shut!
LIZ'S HOUSE
AIDEN: DADDY!!!!!!!
LUCKY: Hi there, kiddo! How was Kiddie Witness Protection?
AIDEN: It was awesome! We were in a cave filled with bouncy castles and ball pits and ate pizza all the time. But the pizza had broccoli on it 'cuz we needed to eat our medgetables. Oh, and Mommy has a new friend named Jake.
LIZ: Back to bed with you, sweetie-pie. Maybe Daddy can read you a story that does not involve broccoli pizza.
WYNDEMERE
NIKOLAS: (to himself) Good, Hayden's driver's license is still in its proper place. I still can't believe she bribed the DMV to say she was born in 1984. (to Laura) Mother. How was your trip. I still find it hard to believe you got back together with Luke.
LAURA: About that, it was all an act. Lucky was kidnapped, or rather, he arranged to have himself kidnapped, in order to save Jake.
NIKOLAS: How does Lucky know Jake? Besides, Jake isn't worth saving. He joined forces with Michael to try to undo my takeover of ELQ.
LAURA: I don't think we're talking about the same Jake here, Nikolas. The Jake Lucky saved is nine years old. He's my grandson, Jake Spencer.
NIKOLAS: How can you save a child who has been dead for five years? Should I be worried about you, Mother?
HOSPITAL
SAM: Let's have a dinner date.
PATRICK: As soon as I find out if Hayden Barnes is waking up from that coma or not.
SAM: About Hayden, it appears that Nikolas knows her. I ran into Lulu's very chatty cousin Valerie, who told me that Hayden shacked up with Nikolas at Wyndemere after Carly outed her at the Nurses' Ball.
PATRICK: Hayden and Nikolas, that's interesting...
SAM: Yes it is. But what is most interesting is if she can tell us who Jake really is when she wakes up.
PATRICK: If she wakes up.
LIZ'S HOUSE
LUCKY: My son's been raving about this Jake guy and his great voices.
LIZ: Yeah, Jake's kind of my new boyfriend.
LUCKY: Hey, I got no problem with that. We've both moved on. But it might get a little confusing around the house soon.
LIZ: Confusing? Why is that? By the way, Josslyn is cancer-free after five years. Isn't that great news! Our little boy gave her five years she wouldn't otherwise have.
LUCKY: Except he didn't.
LIZ: Of course he did. The doctors harvested all of his organs. We were both there, remember.
LUCKY: You need to listen to me, Elizabeth. Jake did not donate his kidneys to Josslyn. He couldn't have survived if he did.
LIZ: Survived? This is SO not funny, Lucky. Why are you saying these things to me?
LUCKY: Jake, our son Jake, is ALIVE, Elizabeth! He's alive and I have proof. You can see him for yourself. He's right outside.
LIZ: O. M. G. JAKE? Is it REALLY you?
LUCKY: Jake, this is your mom.
LI'L JAKE: So I do have a mom. Why is she so sad to see me?
LIZ: I'm not sad, sweetie. I'm so HAPPY! And so LUCKY!
LI'L JAKE: You're not Lucky. (points to Lucky). He is. My dad is Lucky. That's his name. I'm Jake Spencer. My Grammy Hella always said that life was like a box of the world's most expensive chocolates. You never know which ones are poisoned.
LIZ: Words to live by. What I meant was that I am so lucky to have you back.
Q MANSION
JAKE: Yeah, I'm just waiting for Michael. My boss. A little impromptu meeting.
MONICA: I'm afraid Michael's out on a date with Sabrina. Was he expecting you?
JAKE: That's the thing, I should have called. I'm sorry to bother you, Mrs. Q.
MONICA: It's no bother. He'll probably be back soon, if you want to make yourself at home.
JAKE: Okay. Sure, why not. (picks up a picture of AJ and Jason)
MONICA: Those are my two dearly-departed boys.
JAKE: I'm so sorry for you loss, Mrs. Q.
MONICA: Please, call me Monica. Allow me to tell you about Jason Quartermaine...
OUTSIDE LIZ'S HOUSE
LIZ: OMG, I am so in shock right now! I don't know what to say to my own kid.
LUCKY: You'll figure it out. We both will.
LIZ: Why am I out here and he's in there? I just abandoned him AGAIN!
DANTE & LULU'S APARTMENT
DANTE: So can we kiss and make up?
LULU: Not yet. I need to make some more angsty faces and erase the image of you kissing Valerie from my brain. Got any more of those weird Frustrated Peacock beers? They're curiously strong, like the Altoids of beer.
DANTE: And here I thought you were more of a wine gal.
LULU: Valerie is SO gonna get it! Wait until I tell Maxie about this.
DANTE: I started the kiss and Valerie stopped me, so don't got all vigilante on your cousin, please.
PCPD
VALERIE: (to herself) Back home to Wyndemere to drown my sorrows about losing a man who was never really mine to lose. Dammit, Lulu, you couldn't just have a real affair so I could be your hot hubby's mistress, could you? (phone rings) Dante?
DANTE: Lulu knows about the kiss, but the rest of it's still top secret, got it? That means no blabbing to anyone else, especially our boss.
VALERIE: Yeah, sure. (to self) Too late for that.
WYNDEMERE
LAURA: Nikolas, would you stop being a brooding Cassadine for two seconds? You're giving me scary flashbacks of your father.
NIKOLAS: Sorry, Mother. I was just thinking about how sad it is that Jason's not alive to see that his kid is alive (to self) Thank GOD I got through that with a straight face)
LIZ'S HOUSE
LIZ: Jake, are you hungry? You and Daddy have my permission to raid the fridge AND the pantry. How awesome is THAT?
LI'L JAKE: Cool! (Li'l Jake and Lucky go in the kitchen)
LIZ: Thanks, Luke, for bringing Jake home to me. I used to think you were super-scary, but you're kinda awesome.
LUKE: Well, I'm glad I don't scare you too much anymore. Take that second chance with Jake and run with it.
LUCKY: Dad, what if I have those same demons in me that you have in you. I think I have them. I don't want to become Flucky and try to blow boats up or take a bite out of anyone's ear.
LUKE: If that happens, call me. I know a few good shrinks who can straighten you out. I also have the number of my tattoo artist.
JAKE: Hi Uhlizabeth. I guess you have company. Who's this kid?
Friday, July 10, 2015
I Have Something To Tell You
Which was NOT "You are Jason". Noooooo, that story has to be dragged out for much longer, right? All Liz ended up confessing was that she loved Jake Doe and he said it right back. Meanwhile, back on Cassadine Island, little Jake gets to know his dad and his grandparents again. Laura sweetly offered to let the kid show her his favorite places on the island while Luke and Lucky had a touching father-son scene. Jonathan Jackson and Tony Geary sell the father-son chemistry like nobody's business!
CASSADINE ISLAND
LUKE: Hi Jake. I'm your grandpa Luke. Long time, no see. If you don't remember me or blocked me out because I ran you over with my car, I understand.
LITTLE JAKE: Hi Luke. I mean, hi, Grandpa.
LUCKY: OMG, it's really him! It's really my son, only he's a little older now. Same face, same hair. Hey, kiddo! You may not remember me, but I'm your father.
LITTLE JAKE: You are?
LUCKY: Yes, I am your father, Jake. Wanna check out my smartphone? They've come a long way since you were kidnapped by Helena and sent to this island.
LITTLE JAKE: Cool! I think.
LUCKY: I guess we should head home now.
LAURA: Let's wait just little bit longer before we take the little boy from the only home he remembers. Hey Jake! I'm your grandmother Laura. Do you want to show me all your favorite places on this island?
LITTLE JAKE: Okay.
DANTE AND LULU'S APARTMENT
CARLY: (holding Rocco) I thought you might be missing someone.
LULU: Rocco! I missed you SOOOOOOO much when I was on my adventure with Dillon!
CARLY: I'll bet you did.
LULU: What's that supposed to mean?
CARLY: Sonny told me everything. You and Dillon took off to some motel in Canada, didn't you?
LULU: It isn't what you think, Carly. I didn't screw Dillon Quartermaine in some hotel room. We were trying to save Lucky's life.
CARLY: Say WHAAAAAAAAAAT?
PCPD
VALERIE: You're back to work?
DANTE: I'm back. So is Lulu. She didn't cheat on me after all.
VALERIE: Say WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT? I thought for sure my cousin was screwing around with Dillon! Now I can't be your rebound booty call anymore!
DANTE: About that. It never happened. It has to be our secret.
VALERIE: My lips are sealed (to herself) Too late, Dante. I already blabbed to our boss, Jordan, the commish.
OUTSIDE KELLY'S
SAM: Cousin Nikolas, what is going on between you and Hayden Barnes?
NIKOLAS: Is? Last I heard she's in a coma.
SAM: Fine, what WAS going on between you and Hayden?
NIKOLAS: (to himself) Le Petit Mort, and lots of it! (to Sam) We knew each other back in the day.
SAM: Did you know what she was doing to Elizabeth, pretending to be Jake's wife? Or was that your setup from the get-go?
NIKOLAS: I had nothing to do with Hayden's ruse with Jake.
SAM: But a little bird told me you let her sleep over at Wyndemere.
NIKOLAS: So? Haven't you heard? I'm running a hotel for the wayward women of Port Chuckles. Good old fashioned royal hospitality.
CASSADINE ISLAND
LUCKY: Dad, you were the best! I want to be just like you when I get old.
LUKE: Oh yeah? Well, I don't recommend killing your parents.
LUCKY: Say WHAAAAAAAAAT?
LUKE: I accidentally killed my mom when I was a kid. But my dad, he was a rat bastard and I killed him on purpose.
LUCKY: Well, if he was a rat bastard, he deserved it. You're nothing like him.
LUKE: It's a good thing you weren't around me last year at this time, or even the early part of this year. I went full Tim Spencer and even aligned myself with the devil herself.
LUCKY: Helena?
LUKE: The one and only. But I faced my demons and I've come out of it a better man, at least I hope.
LUCKY: It's too bad you couldn't be your own father because you would have been a way better father to yourself than your rat bastard father was to you.
DANTE & LULU'S APARTMENT
LULU: So my mom and dad told me that I couldn't tell Dante because he's a cop and if the bad guys who had Lucky found out there were cops involved, Lucky would have been killed, Carly. KILLED!
CARLY: But Dante isn't just a cop. He's your HUSBAND!
LULU: I know, and I made the wrong choice. I should have told him and I felt terrible lying to him.
CARLY: And you didn't even bother to tell Elizabeth that Lucky was in danger?
LULU: Since when are you and Elizabeth so close?
CARLY: We've had our moments, like when she agreed to give Josslyn Jake's kidney. I saw her yesterday and it was almost like we were friends or something.
LULU: That's good. How is Josslyn?
CARLY: Cancer-free, thank God!
LIZ'S HOUSE
LIZ: I ran into Carly at the hospital. She was waiting for test results on Josslyn.
JAKE: Good news, I hope.
LIZ: That's the weird thing. She asked me to go in with her to hear the results.
JAKE: And that's weird because...
LIZ: Carly and I aren't exactly besties. Frenemies is more like it. But it made me think about little Jake and how much I miss him. I didn't want to give away his organs at first and I yelled at Jason when he suggested it.
JAKE: You just lost your kid. Of course you don't want to think about having his organs cut out of him.
LIZ: I feel so bad about yelling at Jason.
JAKE: I'm sure the guy forgave you. I would have if I were him.
LIZ: (to herself) That's just the thing. You ARE him (to Jake) I have a confession to make.
JAKE: What is it?
LIZ: (to herself) YOU. ARE. JASON. (to Jake) I love you!
JAKE: That's your confession? I love you too.
DANTE & LULU'S APARTMENT
CARLY: So you know about Dante and Valerie?
LULU: What about Dante and Valerie?
CARLY: Sonny told me they locked lips.
LULU: Dante would NEVER kiss another woman, much less my own COUSIN!
CARLY: Sonny told me that Dante told him he kissed her.
LIZ'S HOUSE
-
LUCKY: Now that was some lightning-fast teleportation!
LUKE: You're telling me.
LUCKY: Well, here goes. Maybe I should wait to bring Jake in after I've talked to her. Hey, kiddo, you hang out with Grandpa while I go talk to your mom.
LIZ: (answers the door) Lucky?
CASSADINE ISLAND
LUKE: Hi Jake. I'm your grandpa Luke. Long time, no see. If you don't remember me or blocked me out because I ran you over with my car, I understand.
LITTLE JAKE: Hi Luke. I mean, hi, Grandpa.
LUCKY: OMG, it's really him! It's really my son, only he's a little older now. Same face, same hair. Hey, kiddo! You may not remember me, but I'm your father.
LITTLE JAKE: You are?
LUCKY: Yes, I am your father, Jake. Wanna check out my smartphone? They've come a long way since you were kidnapped by Helena and sent to this island.
LITTLE JAKE: Cool! I think.
LUCKY: I guess we should head home now.
LAURA: Let's wait just little bit longer before we take the little boy from the only home he remembers. Hey Jake! I'm your grandmother Laura. Do you want to show me all your favorite places on this island?
LITTLE JAKE: Okay.
DANTE AND LULU'S APARTMENT
CARLY: (holding Rocco) I thought you might be missing someone.
LULU: Rocco! I missed you SOOOOOOO much when I was on my adventure with Dillon!
CARLY: I'll bet you did.
LULU: What's that supposed to mean?
CARLY: Sonny told me everything. You and Dillon took off to some motel in Canada, didn't you?
LULU: It isn't what you think, Carly. I didn't screw Dillon Quartermaine in some hotel room. We were trying to save Lucky's life.
CARLY: Say WHAAAAAAAAAAT?
PCPD
VALERIE: You're back to work?
DANTE: I'm back. So is Lulu. She didn't cheat on me after all.
VALERIE: Say WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT? I thought for sure my cousin was screwing around with Dillon! Now I can't be your rebound booty call anymore!
DANTE: About that. It never happened. It has to be our secret.
VALERIE: My lips are sealed (to herself) Too late, Dante. I already blabbed to our boss, Jordan, the commish.
OUTSIDE KELLY'S
SAM: Cousin Nikolas, what is going on between you and Hayden Barnes?
NIKOLAS: Is? Last I heard she's in a coma.
SAM: Fine, what WAS going on between you and Hayden?
NIKOLAS: (to himself) Le Petit Mort, and lots of it! (to Sam) We knew each other back in the day.
SAM: Did you know what she was doing to Elizabeth, pretending to be Jake's wife? Or was that your setup from the get-go?
NIKOLAS: I had nothing to do with Hayden's ruse with Jake.
SAM: But a little bird told me you let her sleep over at Wyndemere.
NIKOLAS: So? Haven't you heard? I'm running a hotel for the wayward women of Port Chuckles. Good old fashioned royal hospitality.
CASSADINE ISLAND
LUCKY: Dad, you were the best! I want to be just like you when I get old.
LUKE: Oh yeah? Well, I don't recommend killing your parents.
LUCKY: Say WHAAAAAAAAAT?
LUKE: I accidentally killed my mom when I was a kid. But my dad, he was a rat bastard and I killed him on purpose.
LUCKY: Well, if he was a rat bastard, he deserved it. You're nothing like him.
LUKE: It's a good thing you weren't around me last year at this time, or even the early part of this year. I went full Tim Spencer and even aligned myself with the devil herself.
LUCKY: Helena?
LUKE: The one and only. But I faced my demons and I've come out of it a better man, at least I hope.
LUCKY: It's too bad you couldn't be your own father because you would have been a way better father to yourself than your rat bastard father was to you.
DANTE & LULU'S APARTMENT
LULU: So my mom and dad told me that I couldn't tell Dante because he's a cop and if the bad guys who had Lucky found out there were cops involved, Lucky would have been killed, Carly. KILLED!
CARLY: But Dante isn't just a cop. He's your HUSBAND!
LULU: I know, and I made the wrong choice. I should have told him and I felt terrible lying to him.
CARLY: And you didn't even bother to tell Elizabeth that Lucky was in danger?
LULU: Since when are you and Elizabeth so close?
CARLY: We've had our moments, like when she agreed to give Josslyn Jake's kidney. I saw her yesterday and it was almost like we were friends or something.
LULU: That's good. How is Josslyn?
CARLY: Cancer-free, thank God!
LIZ'S HOUSE
LIZ: I ran into Carly at the hospital. She was waiting for test results on Josslyn.
JAKE: Good news, I hope.
LIZ: That's the weird thing. She asked me to go in with her to hear the results.
JAKE: And that's weird because...
LIZ: Carly and I aren't exactly besties. Frenemies is more like it. But it made me think about little Jake and how much I miss him. I didn't want to give away his organs at first and I yelled at Jason when he suggested it.
JAKE: You just lost your kid. Of course you don't want to think about having his organs cut out of him.
LIZ: I feel so bad about yelling at Jason.
JAKE: I'm sure the guy forgave you. I would have if I were him.
LIZ: (to herself) That's just the thing. You ARE him (to Jake) I have a confession to make.
JAKE: What is it?
LIZ: (to herself) YOU. ARE. JASON. (to Jake) I love you!
JAKE: That's your confession? I love you too.
DANTE & LULU'S APARTMENT
CARLY: So you know about Dante and Valerie?
LULU: What about Dante and Valerie?
CARLY: Sonny told me they locked lips.
LULU: Dante would NEVER kiss another woman, much less my own COUSIN!
CARLY: Sonny told me that Dante told him he kissed her.
LIZ'S HOUSE
-
LUCKY: Now that was some lightning-fast teleportation!
LUKE: You're telling me.
LUCKY: Well, here goes. Maybe I should wait to bring Jake in after I've talked to her. Hey, kiddo, you hang out with Grandpa while I go talk to your mom.
LIZ: (answers the door) Lucky?
Thursday, July 9, 2015
Hells Bells, it's Li'l Jake!
Li'l Jake is alive and living on Cassadine Island with Helena! Helena and Luke have their final scene and The Queen of Darkness gives every indication of retiring from badassery. Or is she just lulling everyone into complacency? Did she have little Jake implanted with the Cassadine Mind Control chip when things didn't work out with the adult version, his father?
Valerie confesses to Jordan that she slept with Dante. Dante, however, stops short of confessing to Lulu that he slept with Valerie. Tracy and Paul Hornsby reconnect as they wait for Dillon. Sonny confronts Dillon at Kelly's and Dillon stops by Dante & Lulu's place to apologize to Dante before going home. Liz supports Carly as she awaits test results on Josslyn. TJ feels like an outsider in the Corinthos home.
DANTE AND LULU'S APARTMENT
LULU: I'm confused. Why are YOU apologizing? I'm the one who fled the country with one of my exes.
DANTE: I'm apologizing for...trash-talking you to Valerie (to himself) and sleeping with her too, but, hey, details!.
LULU: Phew! For a moment there I thought you were going to say you kissed her or something.
DANTE: (to himself) There was plenty of that too. (to Lulu) PFFFFFT!
JORDAN'S OFFICE
JORDAN: I am on a mission to bring Sonny Corinthos DOWN! Where is Dante?
VALERIE: He's not here yet?
JORDAN: You're gonna have to do better than that, Valerie.
VALERIE: He's going through some...trouble with his cheating wife, who happens to be my cousin.
JORDAN: He told you his wife was cheating?
VALERIE: He did more than told me. We had drunk desperation sex.
JORDAN: Say WHAAAAAAAAAAT? Bad idea, Val. Very bad idea. He's M-A-R-R-I-E-D!
VALERIE: But for how much longer?
JORDAN: You sure are eager to push our cousin out of the picture, aren't you? Office romances are strictly forbidden, by the way.
VALERIE: It isn't a romance. At least not yet. It's more of a friends with benefits situation.
KELLY'S
SONNY: Dillon, you've got some 'splainin' to do.
DILLON: I don't like the sound of that. If I've done something to run afoul of the head of the Port Chuckles Mafia, maybe I should run for my life.
SONNY: Relax, kid. I'm not going to make you pound sand...YET. I need you to tell me what went down with you and my daughter-in-law. Dante tells me you two went up to Canada to sow some wild oats in a motel room.
DILLON: Say WHAAAAAAAAAT? Lulu and I are just friends and we were trying to save her brother's life.
SONNY: If it was so innoncent, why did Lulu not tell her HUSBAND what was going on?
DILLON: Because Dante's a cop and the bad guys Luke and Laura were dealing with said no cops or Lucky's toast.
SONNY: PFFFFFFFT! And she couldn't trust her husband, cop or no cop?
DILLON: Her parents begged her not to tell Dante. Desperate times, man!
SONNY: You've gotta make this right with Dante before he deep-sixes his marriage for good.
Q MANSION
TRACY: Where the hell is Dillon?
ALICE: I thought Mr. Dillon was scouting locations for his new feature film, Miss Tracy.
TRACY: Not anymore, Alice. He's back home. He called me and told me not to get on that plane to LA, that he had something important to say.
PAUL: Hey there, Mrs. Patmore, I presume? Or are you that other maid, Mrs. Hughes?
ALICE: Wrong century, fella. I'd watch it if I were you. You mess with Miss Tracy or Mr. Dillon and you will have to answer to The Dominator.
PAUL: I'll consider myself warned. So, what did The Dominator do to Luke Spencer?
ALICE: Mr. Luke is a dear friend of mine, but I was very upset with him for ditching Miss Tracy for his ex wife AT THEIR ENGAGEMENT PARTY!
PAUL: Is that so?
TRACY: (to Alice) You! Mouth! ZIP IT!
CASSADINE ISLAND
LAURA: I can't say I have fond memories of this place.
LUKE: I'm sorry we had to drag you here. Lucky said this is where little Jake would be.
LAURA: Are you sure he's not just hallucinating his little boy's being alive?
LUKE: I'm about to find out. Now while I'm in there dealing with The Queen of Darkness, you and Lucky go look behind every bush on this island for Jake.
LAURA: Are you sure you'll be okay?
LUKE: (showing Laura his gun): I brought along some insurance.
HOSPITAL
CARLY: Elizabeth, I just want to thank you again for what you did for Josslyn, donating little Jake's kidney.
LIZ: I miss little Jake every day. How is Josslyn?
CARLY: She's here to make sure the cancer is still in remission. Dr. Clay is giving me the results today. I know we're not, like, best friends or anything, but could you come with me to the appointment. You know, moral support and all?
LIZ: Sure, I'll be glad to.
CARLY: OMG, the waiting is the worst. If not for Jake, though, I wouldn't be waiting at all. It's a good thing that I'm waiting because that means Joss is alive.
LIZ: OMG, we're so not even at each other's throats. It's like bizarro world, but in a good way.
DANTE AND LULU'S APARTMENT
DILLON: Hey, Dante, I know I'm the last person you want to see right now. Your dad told me all about you thinking I was banging your wife and that is SO not true. I haven't banged her since, what, 2006? That's almost A WHOLE DECADE, man!
DANTE: But why did Lulu trust YOU and not her own damn husband? Was it because you and Lulu were teenage adventure buddies?
DILLON: Luke and Laura BEGGED Lulu not to tell you. Any whiff of cops and Lucky would have been swimming with the fishes.
LULU: I HATED not telling you, Dante. Dillon can vouch for how many times I said "I HATE lying to Dante" It was at least 3,000 times, wasn't it, Dillon?
DILLON: I think it might have been 4,000.
CASSADINE ISLAND
HELENA: Luke Spencer, I have been eagerly, and hungrily anticipating your arrival at my island residence.
LUKE: Last I heard, your grandson sent you here for exile. I must say, you're looking pretty sharp for a prisoner.
HELENA: Aaah, Nikolas! He has FINALLY seized his Cassadine legacy. My heart fills with pride at how he has embraced his power with ruthless passion.
LUKE: Cut to the chase, Gypsy Princess. Where is Jake?
HELENA: Impatience is a rather tedious trait, Luke. You would do well have a seat and allow me to escort you down memory lane. I did so much enjoy our nefarious scheming to blow up the Haunted Star.
LUKE: (rolls up sleeve) See this tattoo?
HELENA: Are you getting fresh with me, Luke?
LUKE: You wish! This tattoo represents me facing my demons. My father Tim Spencer was a drunken monster. He had the exact same tattoo. When I was plotting and scheming with the likes of you, I was hiding from the pain that man inflicted on me.
HELENA: And here I thought I had, what is that pedestrian American phrase, "grown on you"? Alas, my days of power and control are behind me now. This could very well be our final tete-a-tete.
LUKE: Where's the kid?
HELENA: Look out, Luke! He's about to hit you! Too late, he already did! Funny how history repeats itself, but in a mirror image.
LUKE: He is alive!
HELENA: It has been a magnificent ride, Luke Spencer. I will always cherish our twisted dance of contempt and subversion, with enough sexual tension to make things more, shall we say, exciting? Au revoir, my most worthy opponent.
Q MANSION
PAUL: You're actually kind of hilarious, Tracy.
TRACY: My misery is your entertainment? How refreshing.
PAUL: Come on, Tracy! Give me a little credit for a sincere compliment.
TRACY: Fine, since we're exchanging compliments, you're not the worst company I've ever kept.
HOSPITAL
SILAS: Good news, Carly. Josslyn is still cancer-free!
CARLY: OMG, that's the best news! I'm so happy I could hug a frenemy! (Hugs Liz)
Valerie confesses to Jordan that she slept with Dante. Dante, however, stops short of confessing to Lulu that he slept with Valerie. Tracy and Paul Hornsby reconnect as they wait for Dillon. Sonny confronts Dillon at Kelly's and Dillon stops by Dante & Lulu's place to apologize to Dante before going home. Liz supports Carly as she awaits test results on Josslyn. TJ feels like an outsider in the Corinthos home.
DANTE AND LULU'S APARTMENT
LULU: I'm confused. Why are YOU apologizing? I'm the one who fled the country with one of my exes.
DANTE: I'm apologizing for...trash-talking you to Valerie (to himself) and sleeping with her too, but, hey, details!.
LULU: Phew! For a moment there I thought you were going to say you kissed her or something.
DANTE: (to himself) There was plenty of that too. (to Lulu) PFFFFFT!
JORDAN'S OFFICE
JORDAN: I am on a mission to bring Sonny Corinthos DOWN! Where is Dante?
VALERIE: He's not here yet?
JORDAN: You're gonna have to do better than that, Valerie.
VALERIE: He's going through some...trouble with his cheating wife, who happens to be my cousin.
JORDAN: He told you his wife was cheating?
VALERIE: He did more than told me. We had drunk desperation sex.
JORDAN: Say WHAAAAAAAAAAT? Bad idea, Val. Very bad idea. He's M-A-R-R-I-E-D!
VALERIE: But for how much longer?
JORDAN: You sure are eager to push our cousin out of the picture, aren't you? Office romances are strictly forbidden, by the way.
VALERIE: It isn't a romance. At least not yet. It's more of a friends with benefits situation.
KELLY'S
SONNY: Dillon, you've got some 'splainin' to do.
DILLON: I don't like the sound of that. If I've done something to run afoul of the head of the Port Chuckles Mafia, maybe I should run for my life.
SONNY: Relax, kid. I'm not going to make you pound sand...YET. I need you to tell me what went down with you and my daughter-in-law. Dante tells me you two went up to Canada to sow some wild oats in a motel room.
DILLON: Say WHAAAAAAAAAT? Lulu and I are just friends and we were trying to save her brother's life.
SONNY: If it was so innoncent, why did Lulu not tell her HUSBAND what was going on?
DILLON: Because Dante's a cop and the bad guys Luke and Laura were dealing with said no cops or Lucky's toast.
SONNY: PFFFFFFFT! And she couldn't trust her husband, cop or no cop?
DILLON: Her parents begged her not to tell Dante. Desperate times, man!
SONNY: You've gotta make this right with Dante before he deep-sixes his marriage for good.
Q MANSION
TRACY: Where the hell is Dillon?
ALICE: I thought Mr. Dillon was scouting locations for his new feature film, Miss Tracy.
TRACY: Not anymore, Alice. He's back home. He called me and told me not to get on that plane to LA, that he had something important to say.
PAUL: Hey there, Mrs. Patmore, I presume? Or are you that other maid, Mrs. Hughes?
ALICE: Wrong century, fella. I'd watch it if I were you. You mess with Miss Tracy or Mr. Dillon and you will have to answer to The Dominator.
PAUL: I'll consider myself warned. So, what did The Dominator do to Luke Spencer?
ALICE: Mr. Luke is a dear friend of mine, but I was very upset with him for ditching Miss Tracy for his ex wife AT THEIR ENGAGEMENT PARTY!
PAUL: Is that so?
TRACY: (to Alice) You! Mouth! ZIP IT!
CASSADINE ISLAND
LAURA: I can't say I have fond memories of this place.
LUKE: I'm sorry we had to drag you here. Lucky said this is where little Jake would be.
LAURA: Are you sure he's not just hallucinating his little boy's being alive?
LUKE: I'm about to find out. Now while I'm in there dealing with The Queen of Darkness, you and Lucky go look behind every bush on this island for Jake.
LAURA: Are you sure you'll be okay?
LUKE: (showing Laura his gun): I brought along some insurance.
HOSPITAL
CARLY: Elizabeth, I just want to thank you again for what you did for Josslyn, donating little Jake's kidney.
LIZ: I miss little Jake every day. How is Josslyn?
CARLY: She's here to make sure the cancer is still in remission. Dr. Clay is giving me the results today. I know we're not, like, best friends or anything, but could you come with me to the appointment. You know, moral support and all?
LIZ: Sure, I'll be glad to.
CARLY: OMG, the waiting is the worst. If not for Jake, though, I wouldn't be waiting at all. It's a good thing that I'm waiting because that means Joss is alive.
LIZ: OMG, we're so not even at each other's throats. It's like bizarro world, but in a good way.
DANTE AND LULU'S APARTMENT
DILLON: Hey, Dante, I know I'm the last person you want to see right now. Your dad told me all about you thinking I was banging your wife and that is SO not true. I haven't banged her since, what, 2006? That's almost A WHOLE DECADE, man!
DANTE: But why did Lulu trust YOU and not her own damn husband? Was it because you and Lulu were teenage adventure buddies?
DILLON: Luke and Laura BEGGED Lulu not to tell you. Any whiff of cops and Lucky would have been swimming with the fishes.
LULU: I HATED not telling you, Dante. Dillon can vouch for how many times I said "I HATE lying to Dante" It was at least 3,000 times, wasn't it, Dillon?
DILLON: I think it might have been 4,000.
CASSADINE ISLAND
HELENA: Luke Spencer, I have been eagerly, and hungrily anticipating your arrival at my island residence.
LUKE: Last I heard, your grandson sent you here for exile. I must say, you're looking pretty sharp for a prisoner.
HELENA: Aaah, Nikolas! He has FINALLY seized his Cassadine legacy. My heart fills with pride at how he has embraced his power with ruthless passion.
LUKE: Cut to the chase, Gypsy Princess. Where is Jake?
HELENA: Impatience is a rather tedious trait, Luke. You would do well have a seat and allow me to escort you down memory lane. I did so much enjoy our nefarious scheming to blow up the Haunted Star.
LUKE: (rolls up sleeve) See this tattoo?
HELENA: Are you getting fresh with me, Luke?
LUKE: You wish! This tattoo represents me facing my demons. My father Tim Spencer was a drunken monster. He had the exact same tattoo. When I was plotting and scheming with the likes of you, I was hiding from the pain that man inflicted on me.
HELENA: And here I thought I had, what is that pedestrian American phrase, "grown on you"? Alas, my days of power and control are behind me now. This could very well be our final tete-a-tete.
LUKE: Where's the kid?
HELENA: Look out, Luke! He's about to hit you! Too late, he already did! Funny how history repeats itself, but in a mirror image.
LUKE: He is alive!
HELENA: It has been a magnificent ride, Luke Spencer. I will always cherish our twisted dance of contempt and subversion, with enough sexual tension to make things more, shall we say, exciting? Au revoir, my most worthy opponent.
Q MANSION
PAUL: You're actually kind of hilarious, Tracy.
TRACY: My misery is your entertainment? How refreshing.
PAUL: Come on, Tracy! Give me a little credit for a sincere compliment.
TRACY: Fine, since we're exchanging compliments, you're not the worst company I've ever kept.
HOSPITAL
SILAS: Good news, Carly. Josslyn is still cancer-free!
CARLY: OMG, that's the best news! I'm so happy I could hug a frenemy! (Hugs Liz)
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