Hells Bells, it's Li'l Jake!

     Li'l Jake is alive and living on Cassadine Island with Helena!   Helena and Luke have their final scene and The Queen of Darkness gives every indication of retiring from badassery.   Or is she just lulling everyone into complacency?   Did she have little Jake implanted with the Cassadine Mind Control chip when things didn't work out with the adult version, his father? 

     Valerie confesses to Jordan that she slept with Dante.  Dante, however, stops short of confessing to Lulu that he slept with Valerie.   Tracy and Paul Hornsby reconnect as they wait for Dillon.   Sonny confronts Dillon at Kelly's and Dillon stops by Dante & Lulu's place to apologize to Dante before going home.   Liz supports Carly as she awaits test results on Josslyn.  TJ feels like an outsider in the Corinthos home.

    DANTE AND LULU'S APARTMENT

    LULU:  I'm confused. Why are YOU apologizing?  I'm the one who fled the country with one of my exes. 
    DANTE:  I'm apologizing for...trash-talking you to Valerie (to himself) and sleeping with her too, but, hey, details!.
    LULU:   Phew!  For a moment there I thought you were going to say you kissed her or something.
    DANTE: (to himself) There was plenty of that too. (to Lulu) PFFFFFT! 
  
     JORDAN'S OFFICE

     JORDAN:  I am on a mission to bring Sonny Corinthos DOWN!   Where is Dante? 
     VALERIE:  He's not here yet?
      JORDAN:  You're gonna have to do better than that, Valerie. 
      VALERIE:  He's going through some...trouble with his cheating wife, who happens to be my cousin.
       JORDAN:  He told you his wife was cheating? 
       VALERIE:  He did more than told me.  We had drunk desperation sex. 
       JORDAN:  Say WHAAAAAAAAAAT?    Bad idea, Val.  Very bad idea.  He's M-A-R-R-I-E-D!
       VALERIE:  But for how much longer?
       JORDAN:  You sure are eager to push our cousin out of the picture, aren't you?   Office romances are strictly forbidden, by the way.
       VALERIE:  It isn't a romance.  At least not yet.  It's more of a friends with benefits situation.

      KELLY'S

       SONNY:  Dillon, you've got some 'splainin' to do. 
       DILLON:  I don't like the sound of that.  If I've done something to run afoul of the head of the Port Chuckles Mafia, maybe I should run for my life.
       SONNY:  Relax, kid.  I'm not going to make you pound sand...YET.  I need you to tell me what went down with you and my daughter-in-law.  Dante tells me you two went up to Canada to sow some wild oats in a motel room. 
       DILLON:  Say WHAAAAAAAAAT?  Lulu and I are just friends and we were trying to save her brother's life.
       SONNY:  If it was so innoncent, why did Lulu not tell her HUSBAND what was going on?
       DILLON:  Because Dante's a cop and the bad guys Luke and Laura were dealing with said no cops or Lucky's toast.
       SONNY:  PFFFFFFFT!   And she couldn't trust her husband, cop or no cop? 
       DILLON:  Her parents begged her not to tell Dante.   Desperate times, man! 
       SONNY:  You've gotta make this right with Dante before he deep-sixes his marriage for good.

      Q MANSION

       TRACY:  Where the hell is Dillon? 
       ALICE:  I thought Mr. Dillon was scouting locations for his new feature film, Miss Tracy.
       TRACY:  Not anymore, Alice.  He's back home.  He called me and told me not to get on that plane to LA, that he had something important to say.
        PAUL:  Hey there, Mrs. Patmore, I presume?  Or are you that other maid, Mrs. Hughes? 
        ALICE:  Wrong century, fella.  I'd watch it if I were you.  You mess with Miss Tracy or Mr. Dillon and you will have to answer to The Dominator.
        PAUL:  I'll consider myself warned.  So, what did The Dominator do to Luke Spencer?  
        ALICE:  Mr. Luke is a dear friend of mine, but I was very upset with him for ditching Miss Tracy for his ex wife AT THEIR ENGAGEMENT PARTY!
        PAUL:  Is that so? 
        TRACY:  (to Alice)  You!  Mouth!  ZIP IT!

       CASSADINE ISLAND

        LAURA:  I can't say I have fond memories of this place. 
        LUKE:  I'm sorry we had to drag you here.  Lucky said this is where little Jake would be. 
        LAURA:  Are you sure he's not just hallucinating his little boy's being alive? 
        LUKE:  I'm about to find out.  Now while I'm in there dealing with The Queen of Darkness, you and Lucky go look behind every bush on this island for Jake.
        LAURA:  Are you sure you'll be okay?
        LUKE:  (showing Laura his gun): I brought along some insurance. 

        HOSPITAL

        CARLY:  Elizabeth, I just want to thank you again for what you did for Josslyn, donating little Jake's kidney.
         LIZ:  I miss little Jake every day.   How is Josslyn? 
         CARLY:  She's here to make sure the cancer is still in remission.  Dr. Clay is giving me the results today.   I know we're not, like, best friends or anything, but could you come with me to the appointment.  You know, moral support and all? 
         LIZ:  Sure, I'll be glad to.
         CARLY:  OMG, the waiting is the worst.   If not for Jake, though, I wouldn't be waiting at all.  It's a good thing that I'm waiting because that means Joss is alive.
         LIZ:  OMG, we're so not even at each other's throats.  It's like bizarro world, but in a good way.

        DANTE AND LULU'S APARTMENT

         DILLON:  Hey, Dante, I know I'm the last person you want to see right now.  Your dad told me all about you thinking I was banging your wife and that is SO not true.   I haven't banged her since, what, 2006?  That's almost A WHOLE DECADE, man!
         DANTE:  But why did Lulu trust YOU and not her own damn husband?   Was it because you and Lulu were teenage adventure buddies? 
         DILLON:  Luke and Laura BEGGED Lulu not to tell you.  Any whiff of cops and Lucky would have been swimming with the fishes.
         LULU:  I HATED not telling you, Dante.  Dillon can vouch for how many times I said "I HATE lying to Dante"  It was at least 3,000 times, wasn't it, Dillon?
         DILLON:  I think it might have been 4,000.

         CASSADINE ISLAND

         HELENA:  Luke Spencer, I have been eagerly, and hungrily anticipating your arrival at my island residence. 
         LUKE:  Last I heard, your grandson sent you here for exile.  I must say, you're looking pretty sharp for a prisoner. 
         HELENA:  Aaah, Nikolas!  He has FINALLY seized his Cassadine legacy.  My heart fills with pride at how he has embraced his power with ruthless passion. 
         LUKE:  Cut to the chase, Gypsy Princess.  Where is Jake? 
         HELENA:  Impatience is a rather tedious trait, Luke.   You would do well have a seat and allow me to escort you down memory lane.  I did so much enjoy our nefarious scheming to blow up the Haunted Star.
          LUKE:  (rolls up sleeve) See this tattoo?
          HELENA:  Are you getting fresh with me, Luke? 
          LUKE:  You wish!   This tattoo represents me facing my demons.  My father Tim Spencer was a drunken monster.  He had the exact same tattoo.   When I was plotting and scheming with the likes of you, I was hiding from the pain that man inflicted on me.  
          HELENA:  And here I thought I had, what is that pedestrian American phrase, "grown on you"?  Alas, my days of power and control are behind me now.  This could very well be our final tete-a-tete. 
         LUKE:  Where's the kid?
         HELENA:  Look out, Luke!  He's about to hit you!  Too late, he already did!  Funny how history repeats itself, but in a mirror image. 
         LUKE:  He is alive!
         HELENA:  It has been a magnificent ride, Luke Spencer.  I will always cherish our twisted dance of contempt and subversion, with enough sexual tension to make things more, shall we say, exciting?   Au revoir, my most worthy opponent. 

         Q MANSION

         PAUL:  You're actually kind of hilarious, Tracy.
         TRACY:  My misery is your entertainment?   How refreshing.
         PAUL:  Come on, Tracy!  Give me a little credit for a sincere compliment.
         TRACY:  Fine, since we're exchanging compliments, you're not the worst company I've ever kept.
         

         HOSPITAL

          SILAS:  Good news, Carly.  Josslyn is still cancer-free!
          CARLY:  OMG, that's the best news!   I'm so happy I could hug a frenemy! (Hugs Liz)