A Big Fat Gay Straight Double Wedding

    Carly proposes that she and Sonny and Lucas and Brad have a double wedding.   Brad confides in Felix about his BIG HUGE SECRET and Felix urges him to come clean to Lucas.  Sam and Carly see Li'l Jake for the first time since his return from the not-quite-dead.  Laura confronts Nikolas and Liz about the secret they are keeping from Big Jake/Jason.  Tracy tells Sabrina that her relationship with Luke is over.  Michael asks Luke's permission to tear down the Elm Street House and Luke just may be in the house when the wrecking ball swings through.  

     HOSPITAL

           CARLY:  Whose kidney does Invisible Joss have, Lucas? 
           LUCAS:  Damned if I know.   But maybe Brad can get his lab wizardry on and help us. 
           CARLY:  Brad may be your fiance, but he's a little too subterfugey for my taste when it comes to finding answers about my darling child of the corn.  
           LUCAS:  He's past his subterfugeyness.  That was just a phase.  He may be able to tell you whose kidney is in my niece.   I'm just glad I was able to take a blood sample.  Invisible kids can be tricky to poke.  Hey, nice rock by the way.  
           CARLY:  Sonny and I are tying the knot for the fifth time!   I have the awesomest idea!  Let's have a Big Fat Gay Straight Double Wedding!   It will get Mom off of both our backs. 
           LUCAS:  Good luck selling THAT idea to Brad. 

       HOSPITAL LOCKER ROOM

         FELIX:  Come on, Brad. I know you have a BIG HUGE GIGANTIC COLOSSAL SECRET!  
         BRAD:  Why do I ever tell YOU anything?  
         FELIX:  Because you're too scared to tell your fiance. 
         BRAD:  He might spontaneously combust if I tell him.  
         FELIX:  Then tell ME. 

        WYNDEMERE

         LAURA:  So what about this Jake Doe you are seeing, Elizabeth?  Didn't Helena do a number on him too?  
         LIZ:  She put a Cassadine mind control chip in his head and turned him into her soldier boy.  
         LAURA:  Why does that not shock me?  Oh yeah, she did pretty much the same thing to Lucky.  You might want to have your son checked too. 
         NIKOLAS:  Why the interest in Jake Doe, mother?  
         LAURA:  My grandson will be living with him, Nikolas.  It would be nice to, you know,  know a little more about him.   He's a mystery to me. 
         NIKOLAS:  He's a mystery to himself, mother.  
         LIZ:  Gotta go.  I had Jake's blood checked for Cassadine markers. 

      HAUNTED STAR

       LUKE:  So it turns out I didn't kill my grandson after all.  He was on Cassadine island doing God knows what for five years.   Can you believe it? 
       MICHAEL:  Little Jake's ALIVE?   How did he save Josslyn?  
       LUKE:  You're barking up the wrong tree here, kid.  I haven't the foggiest idea whose kidney is in your little sister's body.  For all I know, it could be a cryogenically unfrozen one that has Cassadine written all over it.  
       MICHAEL:  That could explain her...well...eccentricities.  Anyway, can I tear down your childhood home on Elm Street to build my clinic?  
       LUKE:  Sure, why not. 
       MICHAEL:  That was suspiciously easy. 

      METROCOURT

       TRACY:  Waitress.  Booze.  Now. 
       SABRINA:  I take it you've had a rough day. 
       TRACY:  Ya think?  
       SABRINA:  Is it Luke? 
       TRACY:  He apologized, I forgave him, then he proposed and I turned him down.  
       SABRINA:  And you wished you said yes, right?  
       TRACY:  Wrong.  Luke is evolving, Sabrina.  For all I know, he could evolve into a werewolf.   I love him, but I can't marry him not knowing who or what he'll become.  
        SABRINA:  So is that why you slept with Dylan's dad?   Because you're sure he WON'T turn into a werewolf?  

        HOSPITAL

        JAKE:  Sam, I kinda have to tell you something about Jake. 
        SAM:  Since when do you talk about yourself in the third person?  
        JAKE:  Not me Jake, little Jake.  The kid everyone thought was dead.  Not. Dead. 
        SAM:  Yeah, and I'm Helena Cassadine. 
        JAKE:  Funny you should mention her because she hid Li'l Jake on her island for five years. 
        SAM:  Then how did Josslyn get her kidney?  
        JAKE:  That's what Carly's trying to find out.  
        LI'L JAKE:  Jake, check this out.  A book ALL ABOUT MOTORCYCLES!  
        SAM:  O to the MG!  It REALLY IS HIM!  
        CARLY:  (starts to cry) He's really alive!   He looks SOOOOOOO much like Jason. 
        LI'L JAKE:  What is it with all this crying?   If I wasn't a mini Stone Cold I might take this personally. 

        WYNDEMERE

        LAURA:  I know Jake is really Jason.  I overheard you and Elizabeth talking.   Shame on you, Nikolas!   You're keeping him away from his FAMILY!   You're depriving him of his JASONNESS! 
        NIKOLAS:  All I'm doing is depriving the mob of a hitman.   Besides, Sam has Patrick now and Elizabeth has Jake.  Everyone is happy as long as we lie like a rug. 
       LAURA:  This is SO not the Nikolas I know.   Have you gone full Cassadine on me?  
       NIKOLAS:  I'm just trying to keep the peace.  And ELQ. 
       LAURA:  A HA!  So it's all about the corporate takeover!  SHAME SHAME SHAME SHAME SHAME SHAME SHAME!  
      
       HOSPITAL

       BRAD:  Lucas, we need to chat.  It's a good thing we're in a hospital for this because it's really gonna hurt. 

       ELM STREET HOUSE

       LUKE:  Wrecking ball, come and get me!