Whose Kidney?!?

      Patrick is flabbergasted to see an 8-year-old Li'l Jake (so he was retconned to have "died" when he was three) at the hospital for a checkup.   Meanwhile Big Jake/Jason breaks the news to Carly that Li'l Jake is alive, which begs the question, "Whose kidney was donated to Josslyn?"  Dante feels guilty about leading Valerie on.  Tracy, Paul, and Dillon have a very awkward breakfast.  Luke has a heart-to-heart with Lulu on The Haunted Star, then gets an unexpected visitor.   Nikolas is happy to hear that his mother will be sticking around.  

     HOSPITAL

      LIZ:  Patrick, look who I found!  
      PATRICK:  Um...uh...what the...he's ALIVE???  
      LIZ:  Join the club!   Imagine my state of utter flabbergastery when Lucky, Luke and Laura brought him home to me.  He is ALIVE!   I was feeling ALL THE FEELS, Patrick! 
      PATRICK:  I'm happy for you, Elizabeth.   What brings you here?   
      LIZ:  I thought I'd have him checked out, have his brain scanned for Cassadine mind control chips, you know, the usual medical workup and I want YOU to do it because you are the only doctor I trust here.  
      PATRICK:  Color me flattered.  

     SONNY'S HOUSE

      JAKE:  Carly, long time no see!  I've got something to tell you and it just might blow your mind.  Little Jake, Uhlizabeth's presumed-dead kid with Jason, is ALIVE!  
      CARLY:  NO FREAKIN' WAY!   That's awesome!   I'm so sad for Jason. 
      JAKE:  Yeah, bummer he couldn't see his kid come back from the dead. 
      CARLY:  Wait a minute...if Jake is alive, whose kidney did Josslyn get?  OMG, what if Helena gave her a FRANKEN-KIDNEY???   What if it causes her to spontaneously combust?   What if she really turns into a Child of The Corn????   OMG, I am FREAKING OUT right now. 
      JAKE:  Yeah, those rogue organs can get a little dicey.   Look on the bright side...at least it wasn't a heart transplant.  Joss could have gotten Helena's heart of darkness.  
      CARLY:  We need to go to GH and find some answers.  
      JAKE:  I'll come with.   Nice rock, by the way.  
      CARLY:  Thanks.  Sonny and I are getting married for the fifth time.   
     
     WYNDEMERE

       LAURA:  Where's Lucky? 
       NIKOLAS:  He left.  He had some angst he had to work through before he could be a father to his kids.  
       LAURA:  Bummer.  I was hoping to spend more time with him and for him to spend more time with Jake.  
       NIKOLAS:  Lucky did what he thought was best for his family.  
       LAURA:  So, seeing anyone?  
       NIKOLAS:  (to himself) Besides Petit Mort boinking with a now-comatose woman, pining for Elizabeth, and hosting random Spencer cousins...(to Laura) No, there was this one woman, but she conspired with my then-nine-year-old son to trick me into thinking he had been kidnapped.  Not to mention, she stole Lulu's embryo.   How about you?  
       LAURA:  I've dated a few Frenchmen, but nothing serious.  Say, how would you like it if I moved into Wyndemere?  That is, unless I am imposing. 
       NIKOLAS:  You're my mother.  If anyone can help me keep an eye on my precocious handful of a son, it's you.   If you run into your daughter's long-lost cousin, just nod and pretend to listen.   

     PCPD

      DANTE:  Valerie, I feel bad that I used you and led you on when I thought Lulu was banging Dillon in Canada. 
      VALERIE:  No worries.  I'm just glad I got laid by a hot cop.  
      DANTE:  You do know I'm trying to save my marriage, right?  
      VALERIE:  Yeah, good luck with that.  

     Q MANSION

       PAUL:  So, I defeated Cook II at Rock-Scissors-Paper and made her surrender the kitchen so I could make these pancakes. 
       DILLON:  I hate pancakes.  
       TRACY:  Fine.  More for me.   By the way, Dillon, thanks for LYING to me about your little adventures with my traitorous ex-fiance. 
       DILLON:  But...but...Lulu had to lie to Dante too.  Besides, Lucky's life was at stake.  
       PAUL:  A lie's a lie, son.  
       DILLON:  How fatherly of you.
       PAUL:  Your mother deserves better than Luke Spencer.  
       DILLON:  Mom, you need to give Luke the benefit of the doubt here.
       TRACY:  He held out on the whole enchilada, so he doesn't deserve the benefit of the doubt.
       PAUL:  I can offer you the whole enchilada, Tracy.
       DILLON:  I'm outta here.   Consider my appetite GONE!

      HOSPITAL

        PATRICK:  Li'l Jake is as healthy as a horse.  
        LIZ:  Really?   No signs of Helena's brainwashing?   Have you shown him any diamonds or told him that he's active yet?  
        PATRICK:  The kid's as good as new, Elizabeth.  Not a scratch or scar on him.  It's a goddamn miracle if you ask me.  
         LIZ:  I can't wait to tell Lucky.  If I he hasn't fled the country yet.  He really needs to get a handle on that Spencer male angst thing.  
         PATRICK:  I can relate.  Robin would rather be eating croissants on the Champs Elyssees than be a mother to Emma.  That's why I'm in the sack with Sam.  Speaking of which, any chance you'll bring Li'l Jake over to hang with his half-brother Danny?  
         LIZ:  Danny?  He hasn't even seen Cameron or Aiden yet!  
   
        HAUNTED STAR

        LUKE:  Guess what, cupcake!  Your nephew Li'l Jake is ALIVE!   Lucky found him on Cassadine Island hanging out with The Queen The Damned.  
        LULU:  OMG!   That is amazing!   Dante kissed Valerie because he thought I cheated on him with Dillon.
        LUKE:  I can do you one better.  Tracy slept with Paul Hornsby because she thought I was cheating on her with Laura.  
        LULU:  Okay, fine, you win on that one.  I'm still going to get all in Valerie's face about her kissing Dante, though.  

         Q MANSION
 
         PAUL:  Hey, Dillon, can I at least TRY this fathering thing with you?  
         DILLON:  Sure, why not, it's only been, what, a quarter century or so.  
         PAUL:  Better late than never. 
         DILLON:  Fine, just stay out of the whole Luke thing and I'll think about the having a dad thing.  

         HAUNTED STAR

        TRACY:  Here I am.  I've returned to the scene of the crime.  
        LUKE:  Can we have a do-over?