Fourth of Canada Day

     The Port Chuckles Space-Time Wormhole is back.  It's the fourth of July in The Chuckles.  Which makes me wonder: Could it be Canada Day up in British Columbia, where Luke, Laura, Holly, Lulu, and Dillon are?   Speaking of which, Happy Canada Day to Jason Thompson, William DeVry, Dom Zamprogna and Kathleen Gati! 

      Luke, Laura and company figure out where Lucky and Ethan are being held using clues found in the picture the captors gave them.  Sonny denies "Denise" the chance to see Crypt Baby Avery.   Jake reminds Michael of Jason (Gee, I wonder why?)   Sam gets in Nikolas's face about the ELQ takeover.  Kiki hints that there will be hell to pay if Morgan cheats on her.  Franco seeks Obrecht's advice about his newfound relationship with "Denise". 

      HOTEL IN BRITISH COLUMBIA
  
      LUKE:  Check this out.  Ethan's making secret hand gestures in this here picture.  
      LAURA:  Secret hand gestures?  What's that supposed to mean?  
      LUKE:  It means three jacks.  
      LULU:  So Jerry, Jax, and some other relative of theirs has Lucky and Ethan?   Look, Lucky's pointing at himself.  I guess that means he feels like he's lucky he's still alive. 
      LUKE:  Or that he's my son.  Three Jacks Son  Jackson!
      DILLON:  It could be that Lucky looks like some dude named Jackson.  
      LULU:  My Spinelli search savvy skills tell me that there's a lumber yard on 3 Jackson Street.  Wasn't it a smart idea to have a smart person help me figure out how to use my smartphone? 
      LUKE:  Let's go! 

       HOSPITAL

       FRANCO:  Liesl, my new bestie!  I need to bend your ear, or however you say that in German.  There's gotta be a 20-letter, 8-syllable word for that.  
       LIESL OBRECHT:  Franco, my liebchen, as much as I vould be delighted to talk viss you, I am very busy viss trying to make zis hospital run more efficiently.  
       FRANCO:  I'll buy you chocolate wafer thingies from the vending machine.  You can call it an early mittenschmitten. 
       LIESL:  I do love zose chocolate wafer singies you speak of.  Vat is it you vant to talk about?  Aah you still having problems viss zat nincompoop Nina?  
       FRANCO:  This is about me and Denise, the Ava Jerome doppelganger.  Now there's a German word. 
       LIESL: Zehrgut, Franco!   I read in ze paper about zis Denise DiMuccio.  Zat voman is no better zan Nina.  You aah too good for her.  How do you even know her? 
       FRANCO:  We ran into each other at the MetroCourt when I was trying to make Nina jealous.  
       LIESL:  Ah, so it does go back to Nina!
       FRANCO:  Anyway, I was expecting Denise to say she doesn't know me from a hole in the wall, but she backed me up.  Why would she do that, Liesl?  Is she involved in the same type of ruse I am using with Nina?   Is she trying to make someone jealous too?  
       LIESL:  Zat is a very good question, Franco.  
     
       SONNY'S HOUSE

      AVA/"DENISE":  Can I come in to see mah adoahable li'l niece?  
      SONNY:  I'm still not convinced you're not Ava.
      AVA/"DENISE":  How could I be Ava if I don't got huh DNA?  
      SONNY:  That's what I'm trying to figure out.  Come on in.  I've got a few things I need to yell at you about.  
      AVA/"DENISE":  If it gets me closah to seeing my niece, okay.  What's on yah mind?
      SONNY:  Quit screwing my son.
      AVA/"DENISE":  I ain't havin' no relations with Michael.
      SONNY:  Come off it, "Denise"!  I mean Morgan.  
      AVA/"DENISE":  I didn't screw him neithah.  
      SONNY:  Maybe not, but you came too close for comfort. 
      AVA/"DENISE":   Well, you don't have to worry about me almost screwin Moahgan no moah because I gots me a new boyfriend.  An ahtist named Franco. 
      SONNY:  You sure know how to pick 'em.  
      AVA/'DENISE":  What's that supposed to mean?  Can I see mah niece now oah what? 
      SONNY:  You're not coming NEAR my daughter.  Not as long as you're spending time with the likes of Franco.
     
        SILAS'S APARTMENT

       KIKI:  Morgan, remember me?  I'm your girlfriend and I'm dressed in a patriotic bikini.  
       MORGAN:  Yeah, you look great. 
       KIKI:  What's up with you?  
       MORGAN: I'm worried about Denise and Franco.  I don't want her getting hurt by that psycho like my mom did.
       KIKI:  Franco was just hurt because he was cheated on.  Hell, if someone, say YOU, cheated on me, I might be a little psycho too.  
       MORGAN:  Why would I cheat on you?   Let's have sex.  

       OUTSIDE KELLY'S

      SAM:  Nikolas, I'm still really pissed at you for what you did to the Quartermaines. 
      NIKOLAS:  What can I say?  It was just business. 
      SAM: You are SO not the nice Cassadine I thought you were.  You were the GOOD CASSADINE!  What happened?  
      NIKOLAS:  My cryogenics-obsessed wackadoo relatives drained the Cassadine coffers and I needed to make up for the loss.  ELQ was just collateral damage. 
      SAM:  If Jason were alive, he would dropkick your ass into the harbor right now.  
      NIKOLAS:  I guess we'll just have to settle for him spinning in his grave then. 
      SAM:  SCREW YOU, you ruthless, evil CassaSLIME! 

       Q MANSION

      JAKE:  We're going to take back ELQ, Michael.  Just you and me.   Cassadine is going down.  
      MICHAEL:  What about Tracy and Sabrina?  
      JAKE:  The less people who know about our plans, the better.  
      MICHAEL:  What brought this on?  
      JAKE:  Rage, man.  Nikolas had the balls to try to buy my loyalty, to work for him.   I told him in no uncertain terms that he could take his "generous compensation" and stick it where the sun don't shine.   So he kind knows I'm gunning for him.  
     MICHAEL:  How do you propose we go about getting those shares back?  
     JAKE:  Blackmail works.  It did for him.  He has to have some deep, dark secret we can hold over his head as we pry those shares away from him like he did to us.  
     MICHAEL:  Are you sure you're not Jason, because you sound just like him. 
     JAKE:  Who knows?  It's not like I know who I really am.  I could be the prince of my own wacked-out family for all I know.  

      LUMBER YARD IN BRITISH COLUMBIA

      LUKE:  We need a plan of how the hell we're going to get to Lucky and Ethan, if they're even in this place. 
      HOLLY:  There are only two guards out there and there are five of us.  Sure, those two guards are carrying machine guns, but we can't just stand here doing nothing. 
      LULU:  How about I distract the guards with my wit, charm, and impressive cyber skills?  
      DILLON:  I'll come with.  
      LAURA:  Hell NO!  I'm not having another one of my children being kidnapped.  
      DILLON:  I saw a movie about this.  We can just pretend she's about to pop pregnant and we need to get her to the hospital. 
      LUKE:  We have no choice, Laura.  We have to let her do this.  

      DILLON:  You guys have to help us.  My wife is gonna have a baby any second now and we have to get to the hospital but we have no way to get there.  
      GUARD #1:  Ooooookay.   You guys can come with me.  
      LULU:  Can you put away the gun.  It might scare the baby.  When it's born.  
      GUARD #1: (gives GUARD #2 his gun) Let's go. 
      LULU:  That was too easy.  

      HOLLY:  (clubs GUARD #2 over the head with her gun) Now that he's out of the way, let's go find our sons. 
      LUKE:  You and Laura look around back.  I'm going in.  

     KELLY'S 

     FRANCO:  Hey there, Kiki!  Ordering some BLTs?   Better check them for hallucinogens first.  You know, like magic mushrooms or my mother's favorite, LSD.  
     KIKI:  No BLTs for me, but thanks for the tip.  I'm meeting Morgan at the park for the fireworks.
     FRANCO:  Yeah, about that, you might want to rethink your company for the evening.