Madly, The Cross-Eyed Baby

    Ric's latest dastardly deed in his plot to put Nina back on the Wackadoo Express:  Have a crib appear in the suite with a baby doll with X-es for eyes laying face-down in a pink blanket, all the while playing that "baby crying" ringtone.  Meanwhile, his partner in crime Madeline is at the MetroCourt horning in on Maxie and Nathan's dinner date.   Bobbie pleads with Luke to stay in town to find his true self.  Franco confronts Ava on her relationship with Morgan.   Kiki invites Morgan to the Floating Rib for dinner.   Laura catches up with Scott. 

      NINA'S SUITE

      NINA:  OMG, what is this CRIB doing here?   What's THIS?   A baby doll with crossed-out eyes?  Super CREEPY!   There's that CRYING again!   I'M LOSING MY FRIGGIN MIND!   AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHH! Ric?  RIC?   RIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCC!   

      METROCOURT

     MADELINE:  Hello, JAMES!   Who's the blonde?   When I saw the Nurses' Ball on TV in the clink, you were escorting a lovely redhead.   What happened to her? 
      NATHAN:  Madeline, this is my main squeeze, Maxie.  Maxie, this is my mother-aunt, Madeline Reeves. 
      MADELINE:  James, we MUST discuss your sister Nina.  Can we do it without the klutzy blonde who tripped on the red carpet at the Nurses' Ball listening in?
      NATHAN:  Be nice to Maxie or get lost!
      MADELINE:  Fine.  Nina's going cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs and I'm really, really worried about her.
      NATHAN:  Can't her new husband help her?  Or is he part of the problem? 
      MADELINE:  Ric is being OH SO SUPPORTIVE of poor, unstable Nina.  You see, she's imagining PHANTOM BABIES in her hotel suite.  How NUTS is that? 
      NATHAN:  Could it be a little PTSD from when you put her in that coma and killed her baby?
      MADELINE:  Whose side are YOU on?  I think she's feeling guilty about kidnapping that little Avery.

      ELM STREET HOUSE

     LUKE:  I'm skipping town, Barbara Jean, and this time it's for good.  I've faced my demons and now I have to figure out who Future Luke is going to be.
     BOBBIE:  Can't you find Future Luke right here in The Chuckles?   You have family who needs you.
     LUKE:  Lucky's already gone off to parts unknown.  Lulu's got a handle on the situation with her hubby and her cousin, Li'l Jake has his mother, Rocco still doesn't know who the hell I am.   Everybody's fine without me.
     BOBBIE:  Aren't you forgetting somebody?  Somebody like me?   I still need my big brother.   Remember how you came into Port Chuckles to help me bust up Laura and Scott?  Isn't it hilarious how I'm DATING Scott now? 
     LUKE:  You know I love you, little sis, but your taste in men leaves a lot to be desired. 
     BOBBIE:  I'm gonna miss you, Luke.

    METROCOURT

     SCOTT:  Laura!  Long time, no see!  You and Spencer tie the knot again for old time's sake?
     LAURA:  You didn't get the memo?   That was all a ruse to rescue Lucky, Ethan, and our grandson Jake.
     SCOTT:  Say WHAAAAAAAAAAT?   Pardon my insensitivity, but how can you rescue a dead kid? 
     LAURA:  Easy.  Go to Cassadine Island, where all the presumed dead children of Port Chuckles are being held by Helena and her minions. 
     SCOTT:  That figures.  I've got a few of my own I'd like to find.  They weren't little kids when they died, but, hey, it doesn't hurt to look, right?
     LAURA:  So, I overheard a HUGE secret and I don't know what to do.
     SCOTT:  I'm all ears, and for awhile I couldn't say that, after your ex-husband tried to bite one of mine off. 

     GYM

     KIKI: Earth to Morgan! 
     MORGAN:  Sorry, Keeks.  Beating the crap out of a punching bag takes epic concentration.  (to himself) So does getting doing the nasty with "Denise" out of my head (to Kiki) What's up? 
      KIKI:  Let's go to the Floating Rib and shoot some pool. 
     MORGAN:  Let's order in instead.   The punching bag was really giving it to me today.   We can hit The Rib tomorrow night.
     KIKI:  No can do.  Going out of town to party with some chicks I knew in college.  Oh well, I'll jsut ask Aunt Denise instead.
     MORGAN:  On second thought, I'll go to The Floating Rib with you.  I've really worked up an appetite.
   
     JULIAN'S APARTMENT

     FRANCO:  I know Julian and Alexis weren't having ALL THE SEX in your bedroom because I ran into them on my way over to Nina's.  They were having ALL THE SEX at the MetroCourt instead.   Ergo, it was your boy toy in that bedroom.   See how smart I am? 
     AVA:  Fine, it was him.  You still owe me a recording. 
     FRANCO:  Why risk stealing an important piece of evidence when I can resort to blackmail instead?   You're sexing up YOUR DAUGHTER'S BOYFRIEND!    I actually have human emotions toward Kiki.   She's my almost-daughter. 
     AVA:  I know, and I hate myself for hitting the sheets with her boyfriend, but Morgan makes me all cougar-horny. 
     FRANCO: I bet Kiki would LOVE to hear that. 

      NINA'S SUITE

     RIC:  What's wrong, Nina?   Hearing fake babies again? 
     NINA:  SO not funny, Ric.  I SAW A CRIB!   I SAW A STUFFED BABY VOODOO DOLL WITH X-ES FOR EYES!    THEN I HEARD THE CRYING AGAIN!  
     RIC:  Easy there, Nina.   You've gotta learn to tame that wild imagination of yours.  There has never been a crib or a baby in this room. 
     NINA:  I'm going bonkers, Ric.   BONKERS!   The guilt is MESSING WITH MY HEAD.  I took that baby while sleepwalking and my conscience is MAKING ME LOOOOOOOONY! 
     RIC:  See, now you know it's all in your head.   (to himself)  I'm feeling richer already! 

     METROCOURT

       NATHAN:  Fine, I'll go check on Nina. 
       MADELINE:  (to Maxie)  It's just the two of us now. 
       MAXIE:  (to herself) I'd rather be alone with Obrecht right now than this hell in heels.

      NINA'S SUITE

       NATHAN:  Nina, what's going on here?   My mother-aunt thinks you're losing it.   What's with the baby blanket?   Is she right?  

       ELM STREET HOUSE

       LUKE:  Man, this house is creepy!  Now I'm seeing a ghost of myself and I'M NOT EVEN DEAD YET!
      GHOST OF YOUNG LUKE:  Chin up, Old Guy Luke.  I'm just here to send you on your merry way to find Even Older Guy Luke.  Who knows, maybe you and our son Lucky can both find yourselves at a hippie retreat out west in the 1970s with Don Draper and Carrrrrrrrrrrlos and come up with a Coke ad while you're at it.  The Port Chuckles Wayback Machine is at your disposal, should you wish to use it. 
       LUKE:  Thanks, teenage ghost self.   I'd better get out of here before whatever it is you said starts making sense.